Comments | seize_thenight: who am I?

messiah_me in seize_thenight

who am I?

Nov 30, 2006 00:24

None of this made sense any more. They have tried to explain to me who I am, even told me what I used to do and it all sounds like something from a bad movie. I know I told them I wanted the truth and all of it, but parts of me wonder if that was the smartest choice I could have made ( Read more... )

Comments 29

pryce_less November 30 2006, 21:00:35 UTC

It was almost a daily calling at this point, for invariably, we all didn't know what to expect or make of Cordelia's recent events, which made the others sort of keep their distance, not that being around Gunn or Fred at the moment was something that any of us savored...therefore, a daily calling for me was to check on Cordy...to check on her progress.

She didn't look at me with hostility over Connor and false prophecies and that was refreshing. Besides, Cordy's spirit and change over the past years was inspiring.

I knocked lightly, and when I heard her say come in, I opened the door and saw her looking through volumes in a fashion that I might.

"What are we researching, Cordy? You know that I would be honored to join you in this pursuit of yours."

messiah_me November 30 2006, 21:19:19 UTC

"If you can help me find what is wrong with me then by all means." I say handing him a book. It wasn't as if I thought I would find something in one of these books that told me what was wrong, but hey there could be a page that has in big bold print. Cordelia, this is what is wrong with you, but I am not holding my breath.

"I mean I can tell you the name of every store in the Beverly Center, but I can't remember who I am and that scares me." Ok why did I just admit that to him?

pryce_less December 1 2006, 05:12:17 UTC

"If you can help me find what is wrong with me then by all means."

"Certainly. It's what we all want, Cordy. We all what you to be the way that you were before...we all want things to be the way that they were before."

I hadn't any hope for the latter, but mistakes behind all of us, I hoped that cordelia not be a victim anymore.

"I mean I can tell you the name of every store in the Beverly Center, but I can't remember who I am and that scares me.""And there are, without question, a lot of things to be afraid of out there, but rest assured, you have a lot of friends who will help you ( ... )

messiah_me December 2 2006, 01:25:13 UTC

"I don't know, I think the others just want me to figure it out and move on." I say. "You are the only one that seems to care." I felt bad for saying that, but it was the truth.

"It is more frightening to not know who you are. I mean you tell me I used to fight demons and whatever, and somehow that doesn't scare me, but the thought of being lost in this fog of not knowing what or who I am is worse." I try to explain this and I don' t think I can.

"There is one thing I seem to know though is that you seem to be able to relate to being an outsider than anyone else here. Why is that?" Ok so I was being nosey, and yet somehow it didn't seem out of character for me.

Thread 16

pryce_less December 9 2006, 05:40:48 UTC

"Please just be honest with me. I am tired of half truths and no truths at all. As for finding some other way to get my memories back, what do you have in mind? Do I need to chant and stand on one foot and wear cheap clothing made in sweat shops in mexico?"

I gave her a gaze.

"Cordelia, really..."

"Seriously though, if you have some idea of what to do by all means lets do it. I don't care what I have to do, I don't care if I am turned into a mousaka as long as I know I am a mousaka"

"I'm afraid that definitively, I know nothing. Certainly, there is the option of hypnotic regression to allow what occurred in the past two be drawn forward, but there are things about that which give me pause, make me unsure of whether or not I want to subject you to it. But, please, don't allow frustration to make you so jaded and defeated that you're actually talking about being happy as a Greek eggplant dish."

messiah_me December 9 2006, 15:46:28 UTC

I couldn't help but smile at that. In some ways he is just so geeky, but its cute. "Thank you Wesley...but there is still a lot you haven't told me.." I look at him. "Like how Connor ended up in a hell dimension in the first place, and just wondering...why does Willow look at me like I killed her puppy in a past life?" I knew the two weren't related, but that had been bothering me.

I felt as if we were dancing around a subject that he didn't want to talk about, there was something about how Connor ended up the way he is that Wesley must blame himself for. I don't know why anyone would blame him, it isn't his fault...is it?

pryce_less December 10 2006, 00:29:51 UTC

"Like how Connor ended up in a hell dimension in the first place, and just wondering...why does Willow look at me like I killed her puppy in a past life?"Sterling. Absolutely sterling. Back to the questions about Connor. Inevitablility became the cenral thought, impulse in my mind ( ... )

messiah_me December 10 2006, 01:58:33 UTC

I thought long and hard on what he said. He was actually responsible and part of me feels like I should hate him for it, but it also seems that he has had enough blame. "Oh...Umm, Wow." Part of me was shocked that he had it in him to risk everything to try and save the kid, but the other part of me could see it..sorta.

Changing the subject, that sounds good so I was going back to the other. "So Willow still hates me for something that I did in highschool...interesting." I decide to focus on that.

"Was I really that bad? and wait, you say that Xander hates me right...well then why do I have pictures of he and I?" I ask. Ok I was officially confused again. "Maybe I should...you know take this all in and give you some time alone. I know I have to be driving you insane."

Thread 13