Fic: You Just Took Me By Surprise (1/1) EW/BB/DM NC-17
Title: You Just Took Me By Surprise (1/1)
Authors: Tuuli (tuuli1109) and Abbi (abbichicken)
Pairing: Elijah Wood/Billy Boyd/Dominic Monaghan
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: This. Never. Happened.
Authors' notes: Yes, it's been a while. Sorry. We'll do better next time =)
You Just Took Me By Surprise
The house is dark and quiet when Billy steps in through the door, pulling off his wet coat and kicking off his soaked shoes. It's raining outside, pouring down. Even the short walk from the car to the door left Billy soaked.
“Dom!” he calls out, slamming the door closed behind him. No one answers, which is funny, because Dom is supposed to be home. “Lij?”
Billy drops his keys on the side table and walks slowly deeper into the house. There's no sign of anyone. With a soft sigh of disappointment, Billy slips into the kitchen for a beer and then falls onto the living-room couch, lifting up his feet and turning on the TV to catch the sports news.
The settee presses the wet material against him, and, irritated, he pulls off his shirt and tries to dry himself with a discarded envelope, but he only succeeds in getting tiny bits of paper all over his arm. Huffing angrily, he stands up, pulls off his socks, takes a split second to note who won this year's Premiership, and goes off in search of a spare towel, not bothering to turn lights on as he goes, and cursing Dom for not being in to share his misery.
Billy finally finds himself a towel and returns to the living room, still rubbing himself with the terry cloth. He is tired and pissed off and more than a little horny, and where are Dom and Lij, anyway? Dom was supposed to be here. If Dom was here, they might fool around a little.
Billy is irritated.
He walks from the living room towards the bathroom to put the wet towel somewhere out of sight, but when he passes by the bedroom door, something makes him stop dead on his tracks.
What he hears through the door is...Elijah. That scream sounded *far too much* like Elijah when he comes.
Elijah? What? Fucking, Dom must've been with him all this time, and when he was so in need of attention. Definitely not fair.
The sound appears to have come from the bedroom, seeing as Billy hasn't noticed any sexual antics taking place in any of the rooms he'd just been in. He opens the door quietly, gently, hoping to catch them at it, and to be in a position to make them both feel guilty and perhaps inclined to make up for their indiscretions somehow.
The room is dark, except for the flickering light of the television, and the only sounds are those of Elijah's heavy breathing.
"Christ Dom, you couldn't have waited half an hour for..."
Elijah eeks, and Billy stops.
Dom isn't there.
“Billy,” Elijah says, cleverly, amidst heavy breathing, and scrambles up to his knees. He stares at Billy with wide, embarrassed eyes, and Billy notices that his jeans are undone.
Hearing moans and whimpers, Billy looks to the TV. He can see bare skin and male bodies, deliciously sinful movements of hips.
Porn.
Elijah is watching porn.
Billy looks back to Elijah, who is desperately reaching for the remote control, and is about to grab Elijah and finish him off himself when he hears yet another familiar scream.
He recognises himself as the screamer.
"Where did you get that?" Billy's voice is slightly cold, slightly confused.
"I...I...Dom...just borrowing it..." Elijah is desperately wishing he could stop his shaking.
"Elijah, you're watching us! You're fucking, jerking off to a video of us, the three of us! When you could just, oh, I don't know, ask us in person? Or is it more fun this way?"
It's hard to work out who is more embarrassed, between the two of them.
"Where is Dom, anyway?"
Elijah shakes his head dumbly.
Billy is nonetheless still horny, and wishing he could have got back early, to capitalise on Elijah's clear interest in getting off.
“I just,” Elijah says helplessly, “and you know, and, we look so good together, and you weren't here, and Dom isn't here, and I wanted to watch a movie and I found this and, and...and your commentary is on this one.” He actually looks like he's shrinking, desperately avoiding Billy's eyes.
Billy rubs his eye with his palm. “My what is on this one?” he asks eventually, feeling stupid and embarrassed, even though he's not sure he has any reason to.
“Your commentary,” Elijah repeats quietly. “Your...dirty talk. There's a lot of it. Because we...and Dom...it's the accent.”
Billy's expression flicks through amusement, confusion and panic, before settling on an encouraging smile.
"See, Lij," he says, trying to keep his voice low and Scottish, "that being your thing, you can get that any time you like, without nicking Dom's video..."
Elijah goes to argue that, seeing as he also is very much in this video, he has the right to take it any time he likes, being as, as an actor, one has certain rights regarding the films one appears in, but Billy is walking over to him, placing a hand on his shoulder and leaning him back over the bed before he can get a word of protest out.
“But you weren't here,” Elijah tries, once more, to defend himself. This is silly, why should he feel this embarrassed an insecure? It's just Billy, and he should be allowed to watch home videos without feeling guilty. Wouldn't it be ten times worse if he was jerking off to some random blonde girls with big tits?
Billy is trying to get them into a comfortable position on the bed, arranging their limbs with no objection from Elijah. Billy flashes him a small smile, pressing an innocent kiss on his hand, which he happens to be holding, before placing it securely on the bed as if trying to lock it there.
“Hush, it's alright,” Billy reassures him gently. “Dom has probably jerked off to that a hundred times already.”
Elijah trembles at the unexpected sibilisms in Billy's "hush", and curls his arm over Billy's cold and naked back.
"You're cold!" he points out, needlessly, for something to say.
Billy raises his eyebrows, sighing, "I got here just too late, didn't I? You should've said something when I came back..."
"I didn't hear you..."
"Concentrating, were you? Oh, for fuck's sake, come on, how can I get you interested again? What d'you want me to say?"
Billy doesn't like this Elijah at all. Something must be wrong. Lij is not usually all scared around him, even less so if Dom is around. Dom and Elijah have something strange going on between them, these strange fights of power that Dom seems to be arranging even though he usually seems intent on losing. But during those moments, Elijah is at his strongest, and Billy has to say, he likes that side of Elijah a lot.
It's a lot more fun than this insecure version of Elijah, that's for sure.
And Elijah still hasn't said anything.
“C'mon, mate,” Billy says, voice gentle. He's trying hard not to be worried. “There must be something I can do for you.”
"Oh, what?" Billy's voice rises. "I'll go away if that's what you want, only you'll have to give me that video, cause I seriously need it if you're going to be this fucking useless."
Elijah forms the "n" of 'no', but doesn't say it.
"What the fuck is wrong with you? Oh, fuck you," he grabs Elijah by the shoulder and pulls him up 'til their eyes are all each other can see, "what are you playing at? I fucking know you, you're not asleep, you're not done yet...what is it? Fuck's sake, say something!"
"I just like hearing you swear," Elijah whispers, sweetly, and Billy could kill him, the way he looks at him like he's all innocent, and Billy knows that all this is yet another of the thousands of ways Elijah will eke things out to go exactly, exactly the way Elijah wants them to.
Billy lets go of Elijah, and he falls on his back on the bed.
“I don't get it,” Billy says, back to exasperated. “What *is* it that you want? I'm not Dom, so don't try those games with me!”
Elijah lies very still for a few moments, and Billy actually thinks for a moment that Elijah is going to ask him to leave. Then Elijah lets all the air out of his lungs in a long exhalation and says softly, “You're right. You're not Dom. I'm sorry. It's just - been a long day. I'm sorry. You just took me by surprise. Obviously. Because...tape." He blushes, endearingly, but Billy resists the temptation to either comment or act on this.
He waits, and Elijah, eventually, appears to relax. His panicked position fades, and he curls into the bedcovers.
Billy is still looking for words when Elijah’s hand reaches out and takes his arm, firmly, pulling him clumsily next to him, flat down on the bed.
Sighing, Billy tries a different tack. “Look, if you’re not in a cop with me, and you’re not going to chuck me out, you can at least tell me what the fuck is up with you, and then…”
He stops, because it could be something seriously up with Elijah, and finishing an understanding plea for discussion with “…and then I can fuck you. ” is not likely to help anyone out very much.
And then we can fuck,” Elijah finishes for him, eyes humourless, gaze piercing.
For a shocked moment, Billy wants to bang his head on a wall, congratulates himself on being so bloody blatant, but then Elijah's stern face relaxes and he smiles. Beams, almost. He inches closer to Billy, who opens his arms almost instinctively, allowing Elijah to come as close as he can. Elijah's slender arms worm their way insistently around Billy's chest as he hides his face in Billy's neck.
And Billy just has no clue what he's supposed to do, so he awkwardly settles on holding Elijah.
“You smell nice,” Elijah comments in a whisper, and suddenly a familiar little tongue starts sliding wetly on Billy's neck.
Billy stays still for a time, lets Elijah’s mouth close on his neck, allows Elijah’s hands to slide over his still-damp skin, uncomfortably accepting Elijah’s advances until Elijah pulls back, stops.
“C’mon,” he cajoles. “What’s up with you now?”
In the first instance, nothing is wrong with Billy, and he really would quite happily stretch back, look inviting, let Elijah jump him any which way he pleases, if only just at the moment he could forget the odd quietness, the strange look he saw in the back of Elijah’s eyes that makes him think that somehow this situation has become a distraction for something else.
And in the second instance, Billy realises that distraction sex, ethically valid or not, still leads to a good fuck, and he kicks his jeans off in double speed, answering Elijah’s question in that motion.
Elijah smiles, kisses his nose. “Good boy,” he says and the smile widens into a grin. He kisses his way to Billy's mouth and they kiss for real. Billy responds to the kiss, remembering once again that he really fucking loves kissing Elijah. He keeps forgetting that, but it's good Elijah is always there to remind him.
Elijah is obviously pleased by Billy's enthusiasm, and he breaks the kiss, licking and sucking his way to Billy's collarbone. He teases, “I wouldn't want to do anything you don't want me to.”
Billy smiles at him, grabbing him by shirt to get him back up again. Elijah is overdressed, anyway. “I want you to take this shirt off now, is what I want,” he says, pushing Elijah away so he can pull the top off him without any real difficulty.
Responsively, Elijah falls over Billy, making the most of having the upper hand both in terms of being half-clothed and in being more of a mind to get on with it.
Usually, well, if usually can be termed twice, which is the precise number of times this had previously happened, Billy would miss Dom’s presence, miss the way he could break through anyone’s awkwardness or confusion, because Elijah could be pretty difficult for him to…connect…with a lot of the time.
But today, now, Elijah was simpler than usual, the more fervent his attentions were, the more straightforward he became, and with each movement, Billy forgot more and more about just about everything.
Elijah's jeans come off in a flash, and Billy is caught, once again, admiring his naked beauty. As Billy slides his hands up Elijah's sides, Elijah decides to lay back on the bed, grabbing Billy by arm and pulling him closer, inviting him to take the upper hand.
Suddenly, Billy is glad Dom isn't here, and he has this moment with Elijah alone. He knows they both have frequently sex with Dom when one of them isn't around for one reason or another, but they rarely get around to it like this. This may have something to do with the fact that it's usually Dom in their household that makes the first move...
Billy asserts himself neatly over Elijah, straddles him and is about to do something else assertive when Elijah stretches up, reaches round him, pulls him down and holds him dead still, so tight that Billy squirms under his grip to no avail.
He can feel Elijah shifting under him, moving to find the best friction between them, and for all Billy’s on top, he feels as if he’s underneath. He’s never sensed Elijah so strongly.
“Oh my god...” Billy mumbles against Elijah's skin and then thinks, well, that didn't take long. He doesn't usually get all this religious right away. Then Elijah's hips tilt deliciously against his, and his brain refuses to go through any more unnecessary thoughts. It's much more interested in getting Billy's body to find the perfect balance, so that he can lie peacefully. Not that he actually has to worry about such things as balance, Elijah seems to have it all under control.
Elijah makes a peculiar sound, somewhere between a sigh and a whimper. He slides against Billy's body, using his body and hips and the pressure of his arms, linked behind Billy's back, to create friction and pleasurable warmth that starts spreading through his body.
But just as he becomes truly comfortable, Elijah shifts, changes, flips over, and pushes him back down. Excited, and putting thoughts of an easy lay to one side, Billy allows himself to be manhandled into the position Elijah desires, eagerly complying and responding to any touch.
Elijah's mouth is wet and hot, and he's kissing Billy hard, grinding their hips together even harder. Making a small, pleased sound, Billy grins into the kiss. He loves being there at that instant, Elijah curled around him, naked bodies pressed deliciously together.
Without thinking, Elijah’s teeth bare themselves and begin to press into Billy’s skin, and it’s only when they press hard enough to enforce a yelp that Elijah shakes himself, pulls away, and half-mutters “Sorry…”, before trying to distract himself by fixing on the tautness of flesh and the heat and hardness between them, trying not to come on too hard, trying not to over-react, to push things, because they don’t need pushing, don’t need that force and persistence, don’t need anyone to assert themselves. There’s no Dom to show off to and stand up to, and frankly, Billy looks…apart from looking entirely fucking fantastic, he looks perfectly…natural. Like there’s no crisis here at all.
If Elijah could, he’d be gentle, encouraging, teasing, but instead he’s still pressuring, verging on frantic.
Billy laughs, breathlessly, and the laugh turns into a passionate moan, as Elijah's hips push insistently against his, and pleasure washes over him, starting to curl his toes. “Yes,” he hisses, still grinning. Billy's often grinning when they're having sex, when he's enjoying himself.
Elijah doesn't get it. How can Billy enjoy this?
Elijah looks at the red mark on Billy's skin, the imprint of Elijah's teeth, then moves to soothe it with his tongue, gently licking at the abused skin. He grinds his hips against Billy's, once again, but it's lighter this time. As if he's inviting Billy to do something about it, to decide what comes next.
Billy just lies back and looks up, expectant. He knows what Elijah’s like, and knows that, right now, if he waits just long enough, he’ll get everything he needs. Elijah’s eyes scald him with some kind of enlightened control, and he notes the respective pressure on each limb, the particular, even habitual enforced discomfort that he would miss if it wasn’t there, but never notices happening. And so Billy looks up, smiles, waits.
And of course, Elijah knows that Billy enjoys this. He’s seen this, he’s done this, it’s the way it usually is, and Elijah knows he enjoys it, but no, not just now, now he himself doesn’t want to be having that kind of sex. There. That’s it. That’s the problem. But the realisation makes it worse, makes him angry, makes him claw and push, and makes Billy twist and clasp him all the harder in response, encouraging him when he should be, fucking, he should be…stopping…because…but no, too late to stop, too late to pretend that they can just be gentle, that he can let things slide the other way, that this is anyone else on top.
Growling in frustration, Elijah presses down, kisses Billy so hard it almost hurts. How far does he need to go until Billy reacts, pushes him away, takes over? How hard does he need to push? Does Billy even like this, is this all an act of some sort?
“Fuck,” Elijah mumbles, his hips pushing against Billy's, and he doesn't know if he's swearing at his frustration or the pleasurable tremors running through his body.
Well, then. Billy's not about to do anything about the current situation, and Elijah thinks he needs a distraction. Reluctantly breaking their lip-lock, Elijah reaches for what he knows is in the top drawer of the bedside table.
Billy is entirely confused when Elijah so decisively removes himself to stretch over, however, he is plain surprised when something cold drips onto him. He can’t see what it is, but a second later when Elijah actually does slide over his skin, he realises that someone, most likely Dom, has decided to experiment with, of all things, baby oil. He has a vague recollection of oil-based things being bad for something or other, but all recollections, along with his understanding of words and general semantics, disappear in the dramatically emphatic sensation of a forced, solid glide, which hits him suddenly, unexpectedly. Elijah, giving up all his crises and restraints, merely smirks down at him.
Billy lets out a low, breathless moan as Elijah pushes fully into him. They stay still for a second, giving their bodies one moment to get accustomed to this, and then Elijah is moving again, pulling back before slamming back in with incredible force that knocks the breath out of them both.
Billy grunts something unintelligible, drawing in a shaky breath. He bites his lip, hard, overwhelmed by the stretch and the burn of Elijah inside him. It's the most amazing feeling Billy knows, being filled like that.
Elijah starts up a steady, ruthless rhythm, that has Billy panting for breath within minutes. Elijah, being Elijah, finds the epicentre of his body with every thrust, knows exactly what he's doing. Practice has indeed made him perfect.
Everything Elijah learnt, well, more or less, came from Dom. But he’s not the same as Dom, he’s the way that Dom wanted him to be. He does what Dom likes. What amuses. What pleases. Because that’s how these things work, when you’re not fantastically experienced in the world, you aim for the best result. And, over the time, Elijah’s become this person, this seething ball of energy and control, and because it works, because it gets results, it’s all he can be, and, by the point at which Billy contorts under his body and opens his mouth in a wordless yell, the clenching of skin and the relentless slamming and disregard and detached force is all Elijah is.
He barely notices it when Billy comes, so focused is he on his consistent joltings, barely registers the sighing and even misses the string of Scottish vowels that would usually throw him over the edge in an instant. No, instead, he continues to push, to grip, to slide, and to lose himself in an abandon of repetition and dominance.
Elijah comes, waves of sweet release washing over him, but it offers him little pleasure. When he collapses on top of Billy, all he feels is empty.
And then Billy's hands are in his hair, caressing his cheeks, and Billy's whispering soothing, comforting words into his ear. He lets himself rest there, momentarily, in Billy's warm grip, beneath Billy's petting hands, before pulling away and rolling onto his side.
A cold hand grips at Billy's still wildly beating heart as Elijah pulls away, and Billy can see tears on Elijah's cheeks that even Elijah himself is obviously unaware of. Instantly, Billy is regretting ever letting this happen. He should've insisted on getting Elijah to talk. He should've remembered he isn't Dom, who can solve any problems with sex.
Billy wraps his arms tightly around Elijah, pulling him closer, ignoring his muffled protests. “It's alright,” Billy whispers, even though he doesn't even know what it is that has upset Elijah like this.
But, even though for a second Elijah relaxed into him, for a moment, he let himself be quiet and unhappy and bothered, the next moment he kicks away, shoves Billy off him, pulls on the nearest jeans despite the fact that they aren’t his, and, collecting cigarettes from the shelf like it was automatic, he marches straight out of the door, no looks, no words, no nothing.
Lying back for a second, Billy tries to collect himself and to make a decision on whether or not to follow him. But you can’t go far, barefoot and in someone else’s jeans. So he thinks, instead. Tries to decipher the situation.
The only thing that is clear is that Elijah is upset. Why, Billy has no idea. But Elijah has been upset the whole time, and Billy, being horny, chose to ignore it. Has this got something to do with the tape?
Dom, Billy thinks suddenly. Surely Dom must know what's going on. Where is Dom, anyway? He was supposed to be at home, but he still hasn't showed up. Billy thinks about calling Dom, and then he thinks about going after Elijah. Finally, he makes a decision - or maybe his sudden crave for his post-coital cigarette makes the decision for him - and gets up from the bed, sighing. He pulls on his jeans and a t-shirt, taking his time, wanting to give Elijah a few moments to calm down.
After a minute of not-very-progressive thought, Billy reaches over for the phone, and dials Dom’s mobile. It’s on voicemail. It is, of course, possible that his battery’s run out. Possible. But Dom is so paranoid about his phone, worried he’ll miss something if it’s not on, that doesn’t seem likely. If it was off…why would that be?
There is, of course, only one possibility, and that seems so unlikely that Billy doesn’t even entertain the thought until he finds it’s the only one left. Fuckers have had an argument.
It's not unusual for Elijah and Dom to disagree about something and start fighting over it. It happens all the time, Billy has seen it. But they've never left anything unsolved for long. Dom has never left Elijah on his own like this before.
Something ugly twists in Billy's stomach, and his first thought is, there has to be something he can do to make it better. He doesn't know what's going on, but Elijah is obviously upset, and Dom is probably upset as well, and moping isn't going to do any good to either of them.
He hopes Dom's not out somewhere, drinking. That might lead to an extremely unpleasant result, if he showed up later, drunk, and then tried to solve whatever it is that has come between him and Elijah. Resolution could be anything from an agreed fuck to, well, some nasty bruising.
Billy never got in the way, because Elijah never asked him to. And Dom was never like that with anyone else. It was almost like some kind of role-play, some kind of performance they both went through; it never really seemed to be serious, and it had evolved over the months to become little short of an irregular ritual, their arguments and unconventional form of making up. But during all those times, Elijah had never gone quiet, had never…seemed so fragmented, and Dom…well, Dom had never turned his phone off.
In the end, more because it was something to stop him wondering that because he had any great desire to know the truth, Billy half-dressed, leaving Elijah’s jeans undone because they were simply too fucking small for him, and went out for a cigarette.
Elijah is sitting on the kitchen table, smoking a cigarette next to an open window, curled up in a ball so that his hands are constantly near his mouth, so that he can restlessly go on biting his nails. His shoulders are hunched and he looks far too tired.
It's still raining outside, Billy notes, glancing outside. He walks over to the table, taking one of Elijah's cigarettes and lighting it up, knowing Elijah is fully aware of his presence.
Billy thinks of all possible ways to start this conversation. He could start making chitchat about anything and carefully work his way towards the important things, or he could just be frank and ask what Dom has done now. In the end, he settles on the only question that seems important: “Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?”
“Better than what?” Elijah answers, unhelpfully.
“I don’t know unless you tell me,” Billy responds.
“I guess. D’you want a smoke?”
A nod, and Elijah lights one for him, passes it without looking over.
Still silence.
Well, Billy concludes, if tact isn’t going to get him anywhere, there’s the direct approach, or else the complete lack of communication will end in absolute ineptitude, nothing will get sorted, he’ll get embarrassed, Elijah will disappear somewhere, and no-one will be any the better for it.
“What’s he done?” Billy asks, straightforwardly. No judgment.
“What’s who done?” Elijah looks surprised at the question, which doesn’t quite fit with Billy’s take on things.
“Dom.”
“Dom? He hasn’t done anything. No. He’s not done a thing. It’s not him…it’s…”
The sentence isn’t finished, because Elijah catches his own words and, even in crisis, isn’t quite prepared to be a one-man Jerry Springer show.
“Elijah,” Billy says, firmly, and it surprises even himself that he used Elijah's full name. “Tell me. What's wrong?”
Elijah inhales on the cigarette and puts it out, reaching for the next one while he's still exhaling smoke from his lungs.
“Don't say it's nothing, because it's obviously something,” Billy says, when Elijah doesn't respond.
“It's not Dom, okay?” Elijah sighs. “He hasn't done anything.”
“Right. That's why he has his phone turned off,” Billy says.
Elijah flinches slightly at the sarcasm in Billy's voice. “He just said something that got me thinking. He's done nothing wrong. It's just...it's just me, okay?”
"Look, have it your way if you like, because I'm tired and I really can't be arsed to fuck about with another one of your squabbles. It looks like more to me, but if you're going to play this card, I'm fucking out of here."
He doesn't mean it, he just knows this works. This always works. He raises his eyebrows towards Elijah, counts seven, turns, and walks slowly towards the front door. He's reaching for the handle, when, right on cue, and fantastically scripted, Elijah calls out, "Wait!".
Slowly, Billy turns around, one eyebrow raised in question.
“I, I...come back here. Please,” Elijah says, and now even his voice sounds tired.
Billy complies, walking calmly back to the kitchen table, sliding down on one of the chairs. He looks at Elijah, expectantly, but doesn't say anything, just waits for the explanation he knows is coming.
Elijah looks out of the window, sucking vigorously on his cigarette. “Billy, have I ever...have I ever hurt you? I mean, like - physically? In...in bed?”
Billy's eyebrows shoot up in surprise.
“Uh…yeah. Yeah, you know you have. Course. What about it? Wait, fuck, did you…do something to Dom?”
Elijah shakes his head, more in contemplation than in the negative.
“I…fuck, Billy, I was watching that tape, and it was…fucking…weird. It didn’t look like me. It didn’t look like I thought I was being. It, shit, it fucking scared me.”
“Scared you? You ought to be used to seeing yourself on screen, things always look weird from a different angle. Lij, you’ve never done anything…wrong, you know. Seriously.”
“Really?” Elijah asks, softly, still not meeting Billy's eyes. “I don't know anymore. I don't know anything about all that shit anymore. I mean...” He turns, looks at Billy straight in the eye. “Do you like me like this? Or are you just humouring me?”
Billy's mouth opens, works for a moment without a sound, and then closes again. “Like what?”
Elijah curls up just a little tighter and rubs his cheek with the hand that is still carelessly holding the cigarette. “When I'm being this...I don't know. Commanding. I think 'dominant' was the word Dom used.”
“He would,” Billy mutters, trying not to make a joke out of it. “Look, Lij, it’s never crossed my mind not to like you, like anything. Be honest, it never even occurred to me to think about it. Do I look like I’m not enjoying myself…with you? C’mon. There’s nothing to worry about. Look, what’s brought this on? Did he have a go at you or something? Or was it just the tape?”
Elijah nods. “Which?!” Billy asks, in frustration at the non-answer to the question.
“I just…I look so fucking soulless!”
“Oh. Okay. Well. What d’you want me to say? I mean, it’s not like we’re…it’s…”
And he stops and wonders if for Elijah, having that much sex means something a little deeper than a good fuck.
“Dom says he likes it,” Elijah breathes. “He says it's hot. But, I mean - it's insane! It's not me, is it? I'm not sadistic or anything, and...and...”
“You like to be in control,” Billy says, mildly, and reaches out a hand to rest on Elijah's thigh, just to touch him, somewhere. “That's alright. I like it when you're in control, as well.”
“But I end up hurting you. And Dom, too.”
“Dom likes it,” Billy says, firmly. “And what’s more, gets off on as well. It's not like you're beating us up, or anything.”
Elijah shoots him an odd look because, some days, that’s exactly what it’s like.
“Ah, fuck, Lij, please. Don’t get hung up on it. It’s really nothing.” But it obviously is a thing, it’s clearly a massive fucking thing, because, oh fucking hell, Elijah’s actually got tears in his eyes. Please. Anything to stop this. What would Dom do? What would he…where is he? How can Dom do anything, because he’s not here. And he’s not reachable, either. And, this is obviously because there’s been an argument. But by the sounds of things, it wasn’t between them. If it really was all Elijah, then where the fuck is Dom and what exactly is going on, and when did just getting laid become the world’s greatest issue?
Deciding that this can't go on any longer, Billy stands slowly up and pulls the slightly reluctant Elijah into an awkward hug. “Lij. Dom and I have no problem with this, and you know that. Hell, we both know Dom isn't lying when he says he likes it. The question is...do you like it? Do you want to do it? Does it come naturally to you?”
Elijah stiffened in Billy's arms, remaining silent for long moments, until he relaxed again, and his arms suddenly wrapped around Billy. “I guess so,” he mumbled, and he didn't sound very happy about it. “It’s that…I worry I can only be like that. Not…you know. Nice.”
“So that's it, then,” Billy said, running a hand up and down Elijah's back. “Seriously, there’s time to be nice, time to be vicious. Sorry if you’ve felt pressured, or whatever, but, you know, you just have to, well, say. We’re not uptight, we can talk about shite like this if you need to. It's alright. There's nothing wrong with it.”
They stayed like that for a few moments, Elijah almost clinging to Billy. “One question, though,” Billy said, eventually, keeping his tone low and comforting. “What's up with Dom?”
“What d’you mean, what’s up with Dom?” Elijah looks surprised.
“Where is he? I thought you…I got the impression you two fell out about something…”
“Oh…I thought that stuff about him not answering the phone was you trying to make me talk…no, no, haven’t seen him all day…Billy, why are you worried? It’s Dom, he fucks off all the time…” Elijah was enjoying the sympathy, and is not quite ready to let it slip for the sake of Dom’s messing everyone around.
“But you said that something that Dom said got you to think, and that Dom called you 'dominant'...”
“That was yesterday,” Elijah interrupts. “I couldn't get it out of my head all day, and then I went to get the video, and...” He trails off, looking uncertain.
“Aah, he'll show up,” says Billy, comfortingly. “He's a big boy, he can take care of himself.”
He's silent for a few moments, waiting, and right, there it is. The slight giggle, and then Elijah says, “Big, indeed...”
And that's enough. Humour means end of crisis, time to get on with the world. Yes.
“Want to go for a walk?” Elijah asks, brightening suddenly.
“Er…yeah, sure.” Really, Billy would like to go to bed and go to sleep, cause it’s been a long enough day already, but hell, it’s warm outside, and it seems keeping Elijah happy is probably the best course of action at the moment.
“But…first we ought to swap jeans, I think…” and Elijah points and giggles at Billy’s inability to fit himself into Elijah’s rather more slight clothing.
Snorting in amusement, Billy pulls Elijah's jeans off, handing them to their rightful owner. They get dressed in surprisingly comfortable silence.
Once they're ready to go out, things start looking better already, whilst it’s still raining, the sun is shining, and everything looks that little bit less real in the peculiar light. Billy smiles, holding the door open.
Their mood changes as they walk, Elijah brightens, becomes chatty, and Billy just lets the words wash over him, smiling and nodding in the appropriate places. It’s one of those strange times when, even though no-one arranged where they were going to go, they automatically walk the same way.
Billy nicks another of Elijah’s cigarettes, and realises that they’ve ended up by the river, where he looks around, just in case Dom should’ve wandered down there in some kind of sulk. Dom likes to hide down there, just stare at the water and smoke, and think. But he’s nowhere to be seen. As Elijah continues to ramble on about some gig he thinks they ought to go to next week, Billy begins to worry.
In fact, he gets so worried, that he almost starts seeing things. Like, he could swear that those people standing in that alley are two blokes who are having sex in bright daylight. The shorter one, he's built exactly like Dom.
Billy breath catches. They're so far away that it's hard to really see anything - but fuck, that shorter guy, he's wearing Dom's favourite shirt, that's for sure.
And that taller guy...he looks exactly like Orlando.
And Dom is known for being kinky, like - sex in the rain, sex in public places.
Billy feels light-headed. It can't be...
“What is it?” Elijah asks, glancing briefly around to see if there's something out of place. “What're you staring at?”
Billy didn't notice himself stop, but he's definitely stood stock still now. Jerkily, he moves on, taking Elijah's hand and pulling him forwards.
He's an actor, after all.
With a kind smile, he says to Elijah, “Nah, nothing. So what were you saying about that gig?”
And Elijah is off again, talking a mile a minute, and Billy keeps trying to get his breathing back under control.
Authors: Tuuli (tuuli1109) and Abbi (abbichicken)
Pairing: Elijah Wood/Billy Boyd/Dominic Monaghan
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: This. Never. Happened.
Authors' notes: Yes, it's been a while. Sorry. We'll do better next time =)
You Just Took Me By Surprise
The house is dark and quiet when Billy steps in through the door, pulling off his wet coat and kicking off his soaked shoes. It's raining outside, pouring down. Even the short walk from the car to the door left Billy soaked.
“Dom!” he calls out, slamming the door closed behind him. No one answers, which is funny, because Dom is supposed to be home. “Lij?”
Billy drops his keys on the side table and walks slowly deeper into the house. There's no sign of anyone. With a soft sigh of disappointment, Billy slips into the kitchen for a beer and then falls onto the living-room couch, lifting up his feet and turning on the TV to catch the sports news.
The settee presses the wet material against him, and, irritated, he pulls off his shirt and tries to dry himself with a discarded envelope, but he only succeeds in getting tiny bits of paper all over his arm. Huffing angrily, he stands up, pulls off his socks, takes a split second to note who won this year's Premiership, and goes off in search of a spare towel, not bothering to turn lights on as he goes, and cursing Dom for not being in to share his misery.
Billy finally finds himself a towel and returns to the living room, still rubbing himself with the terry cloth. He is tired and pissed off and more than a little horny, and where are Dom and Lij, anyway? Dom was supposed to be here. If Dom was here, they might fool around a little.
Billy is irritated.
He walks from the living room towards the bathroom to put the wet towel somewhere out of sight, but when he passes by the bedroom door, something makes him stop dead on his tracks.
What he hears through the door is...Elijah. That scream sounded *far too much* like Elijah when he comes.
Elijah? What? Fucking, Dom must've been with him all this time, and when he was so in need of attention. Definitely not fair.
The sound appears to have come from the bedroom, seeing as Billy hasn't noticed any sexual antics taking place in any of the rooms he'd just been in. He opens the door quietly, gently, hoping to catch them at it, and to be in a position to make them both feel guilty and perhaps inclined to make up for their indiscretions somehow.
The room is dark, except for the flickering light of the television, and the only sounds are those of Elijah's heavy breathing.
"Christ Dom, you couldn't have waited half an hour for..."
Elijah eeks, and Billy stops.
Dom isn't there.
“Billy,” Elijah says, cleverly, amidst heavy breathing, and scrambles up to his knees. He stares at Billy with wide, embarrassed eyes, and Billy notices that his jeans are undone.
Hearing moans and whimpers, Billy looks to the TV. He can see bare skin and male bodies, deliciously sinful movements of hips.
Porn.
Elijah is watching porn.
Billy looks back to Elijah, who is desperately reaching for the remote control, and is about to grab Elijah and finish him off himself when he hears yet another familiar scream.
He recognises himself as the screamer.
"Where did you get that?" Billy's voice is slightly cold, slightly confused.
"I...I...Dom...just borrowing it..." Elijah is desperately wishing he could stop his shaking.
"Elijah, you're watching us! You're fucking, jerking off to a video of us, the three of us! When you could just, oh, I don't know, ask us in person? Or is it more fun this way?"
It's hard to work out who is more embarrassed, between the two of them.
"Where is Dom, anyway?"
Elijah shakes his head dumbly.
Billy is nonetheless still horny, and wishing he could have got back early, to capitalise on Elijah's clear interest in getting off.
“I just,” Elijah says helplessly, “and you know, and, we look so good together, and you weren't here, and Dom isn't here, and I wanted to watch a movie and I found this and, and...and your commentary is on this one.” He actually looks like he's shrinking, desperately avoiding Billy's eyes.
Billy rubs his eye with his palm. “My what is on this one?” he asks eventually, feeling stupid and embarrassed, even though he's not sure he has any reason to.
“Your commentary,” Elijah repeats quietly. “Your...dirty talk. There's a lot of it. Because we...and Dom...it's the accent.”
Billy's expression flicks through amusement, confusion and panic, before settling on an encouraging smile.
"See, Lij," he says, trying to keep his voice low and Scottish, "that being your thing, you can get that any time you like, without nicking Dom's video..."
Elijah goes to argue that, seeing as he also is very much in this video, he has the right to take it any time he likes, being as, as an actor, one has certain rights regarding the films one appears in, but Billy is walking over to him, placing a hand on his shoulder and leaning him back over the bed before he can get a word of protest out.
“But you weren't here,” Elijah tries, once more, to defend himself. This is silly, why should he feel this embarrassed an insecure? It's just Billy, and he should be allowed to watch home videos without feeling guilty. Wouldn't it be ten times worse if he was jerking off to some random blonde girls with big tits?
Billy is trying to get them into a comfortable position on the bed, arranging their limbs with no objection from Elijah. Billy flashes him a small smile, pressing an innocent kiss on his hand, which he happens to be holding, before placing it securely on the bed as if trying to lock it there.
“Hush, it's alright,” Billy reassures him gently. “Dom has probably jerked off to that a hundred times already.”
Elijah trembles at the unexpected sibilisms in Billy's "hush", and curls his arm over Billy's cold and naked back.
"You're cold!" he points out, needlessly, for something to say.
Billy raises his eyebrows, sighing, "I got here just too late, didn't I? You should've said something when I came back..."
"I didn't hear you..."
"Concentrating, were you? Oh, for fuck's sake, come on, how can I get you interested again? What d'you want me to say?"
Billy doesn't like this Elijah at all. Something must be wrong. Lij is not usually all scared around him, even less so if Dom is around. Dom and Elijah have something strange going on between them, these strange fights of power that Dom seems to be arranging even though he usually seems intent on losing. But during those moments, Elijah is at his strongest, and Billy has to say, he likes that side of Elijah a lot.
It's a lot more fun than this insecure version of Elijah, that's for sure.
And Elijah still hasn't said anything.
“C'mon, mate,” Billy says, voice gentle. He's trying hard not to be worried. “There must be something I can do for you.”
"Oh, what?" Billy's voice rises. "I'll go away if that's what you want, only you'll have to give me that video, cause I seriously need it if you're going to be this fucking useless."
Elijah forms the "n" of 'no', but doesn't say it.
"What the fuck is wrong with you? Oh, fuck you," he grabs Elijah by the shoulder and pulls him up 'til their eyes are all each other can see, "what are you playing at? I fucking know you, you're not asleep, you're not done yet...what is it? Fuck's sake, say something!"
"I just like hearing you swear," Elijah whispers, sweetly, and Billy could kill him, the way he looks at him like he's all innocent, and Billy knows that all this is yet another of the thousands of ways Elijah will eke things out to go exactly, exactly the way Elijah wants them to.
Billy lets go of Elijah, and he falls on his back on the bed.
“I don't get it,” Billy says, back to exasperated. “What *is* it that you want? I'm not Dom, so don't try those games with me!”
Elijah lies very still for a few moments, and Billy actually thinks for a moment that Elijah is going to ask him to leave. Then Elijah lets all the air out of his lungs in a long exhalation and says softly, “You're right. You're not Dom. I'm sorry. It's just - been a long day. I'm sorry. You just took me by surprise. Obviously. Because...tape." He blushes, endearingly, but Billy resists the temptation to either comment or act on this.
He waits, and Elijah, eventually, appears to relax. His panicked position fades, and he curls into the bedcovers.
Billy is still looking for words when Elijah’s hand reaches out and takes his arm, firmly, pulling him clumsily next to him, flat down on the bed.
Sighing, Billy tries a different tack. “Look, if you’re not in a cop with me, and you’re not going to chuck me out, you can at least tell me what the fuck is up with you, and then…”
He stops, because it could be something seriously up with Elijah, and finishing an understanding plea for discussion with “…and then I can fuck you. ” is not likely to help anyone out very much.
And then we can fuck,” Elijah finishes for him, eyes humourless, gaze piercing.
For a shocked moment, Billy wants to bang his head on a wall, congratulates himself on being so bloody blatant, but then Elijah's stern face relaxes and he smiles. Beams, almost. He inches closer to Billy, who opens his arms almost instinctively, allowing Elijah to come as close as he can. Elijah's slender arms worm their way insistently around Billy's chest as he hides his face in Billy's neck.
And Billy just has no clue what he's supposed to do, so he awkwardly settles on holding Elijah.
“You smell nice,” Elijah comments in a whisper, and suddenly a familiar little tongue starts sliding wetly on Billy's neck.
Billy stays still for a time, lets Elijah’s mouth close on his neck, allows Elijah’s hands to slide over his still-damp skin, uncomfortably accepting Elijah’s advances until Elijah pulls back, stops.
“C’mon,” he cajoles. “What’s up with you now?”
In the first instance, nothing is wrong with Billy, and he really would quite happily stretch back, look inviting, let Elijah jump him any which way he pleases, if only just at the moment he could forget the odd quietness, the strange look he saw in the back of Elijah’s eyes that makes him think that somehow this situation has become a distraction for something else.
And in the second instance, Billy realises that distraction sex, ethically valid or not, still leads to a good fuck, and he kicks his jeans off in double speed, answering Elijah’s question in that motion.
Elijah smiles, kisses his nose. “Good boy,” he says and the smile widens into a grin. He kisses his way to Billy's mouth and they kiss for real. Billy responds to the kiss, remembering once again that he really fucking loves kissing Elijah. He keeps forgetting that, but it's good Elijah is always there to remind him.
Elijah is obviously pleased by Billy's enthusiasm, and he breaks the kiss, licking and sucking his way to Billy's collarbone. He teases, “I wouldn't want to do anything you don't want me to.”
Billy smiles at him, grabbing him by shirt to get him back up again. Elijah is overdressed, anyway. “I want you to take this shirt off now, is what I want,” he says, pushing Elijah away so he can pull the top off him without any real difficulty.
Responsively, Elijah falls over Billy, making the most of having the upper hand both in terms of being half-clothed and in being more of a mind to get on with it.
Usually, well, if usually can be termed twice, which is the precise number of times this had previously happened, Billy would miss Dom’s presence, miss the way he could break through anyone’s awkwardness or confusion, because Elijah could be pretty difficult for him to…connect…with a lot of the time.
But today, now, Elijah was simpler than usual, the more fervent his attentions were, the more straightforward he became, and with each movement, Billy forgot more and more about just about everything.
Elijah's jeans come off in a flash, and Billy is caught, once again, admiring his naked beauty. As Billy slides his hands up Elijah's sides, Elijah decides to lay back on the bed, grabbing Billy by arm and pulling him closer, inviting him to take the upper hand.
Suddenly, Billy is glad Dom isn't here, and he has this moment with Elijah alone. He knows they both have frequently sex with Dom when one of them isn't around for one reason or another, but they rarely get around to it like this. This may have something to do with the fact that it's usually Dom in their household that makes the first move...
Billy asserts himself neatly over Elijah, straddles him and is about to do something else assertive when Elijah stretches up, reaches round him, pulls him down and holds him dead still, so tight that Billy squirms under his grip to no avail.
He can feel Elijah shifting under him, moving to find the best friction between them, and for all Billy’s on top, he feels as if he’s underneath. He’s never sensed Elijah so strongly.
“Oh my god...” Billy mumbles against Elijah's skin and then thinks, well, that didn't take long. He doesn't usually get all this religious right away. Then Elijah's hips tilt deliciously against his, and his brain refuses to go through any more unnecessary thoughts. It's much more interested in getting Billy's body to find the perfect balance, so that he can lie peacefully. Not that he actually has to worry about such things as balance, Elijah seems to have it all under control.
Elijah makes a peculiar sound, somewhere between a sigh and a whimper. He slides against Billy's body, using his body and hips and the pressure of his arms, linked behind Billy's back, to create friction and pleasurable warmth that starts spreading through his body.
But just as he becomes truly comfortable, Elijah shifts, changes, flips over, and pushes him back down. Excited, and putting thoughts of an easy lay to one side, Billy allows himself to be manhandled into the position Elijah desires, eagerly complying and responding to any touch.
Elijah's mouth is wet and hot, and he's kissing Billy hard, grinding their hips together even harder. Making a small, pleased sound, Billy grins into the kiss. He loves being there at that instant, Elijah curled around him, naked bodies pressed deliciously together.
Without thinking, Elijah’s teeth bare themselves and begin to press into Billy’s skin, and it’s only when they press hard enough to enforce a yelp that Elijah shakes himself, pulls away, and half-mutters “Sorry…”, before trying to distract himself by fixing on the tautness of flesh and the heat and hardness between them, trying not to come on too hard, trying not to over-react, to push things, because they don’t need pushing, don’t need that force and persistence, don’t need anyone to assert themselves. There’s no Dom to show off to and stand up to, and frankly, Billy looks…apart from looking entirely fucking fantastic, he looks perfectly…natural. Like there’s no crisis here at all.
If Elijah could, he’d be gentle, encouraging, teasing, but instead he’s still pressuring, verging on frantic.
Billy laughs, breathlessly, and the laugh turns into a passionate moan, as Elijah's hips push insistently against his, and pleasure washes over him, starting to curl his toes. “Yes,” he hisses, still grinning. Billy's often grinning when they're having sex, when he's enjoying himself.
Elijah doesn't get it. How can Billy enjoy this?
Elijah looks at the red mark on Billy's skin, the imprint of Elijah's teeth, then moves to soothe it with his tongue, gently licking at the abused skin. He grinds his hips against Billy's, once again, but it's lighter this time. As if he's inviting Billy to do something about it, to decide what comes next.
Billy just lies back and looks up, expectant. He knows what Elijah’s like, and knows that, right now, if he waits just long enough, he’ll get everything he needs. Elijah’s eyes scald him with some kind of enlightened control, and he notes the respective pressure on each limb, the particular, even habitual enforced discomfort that he would miss if it wasn’t there, but never notices happening. And so Billy looks up, smiles, waits.
And of course, Elijah knows that Billy enjoys this. He’s seen this, he’s done this, it’s the way it usually is, and Elijah knows he enjoys it, but no, not just now, now he himself doesn’t want to be having that kind of sex. There. That’s it. That’s the problem. But the realisation makes it worse, makes him angry, makes him claw and push, and makes Billy twist and clasp him all the harder in response, encouraging him when he should be, fucking, he should be…stopping…because…but no, too late to stop, too late to pretend that they can just be gentle, that he can let things slide the other way, that this is anyone else on top.
Growling in frustration, Elijah presses down, kisses Billy so hard it almost hurts. How far does he need to go until Billy reacts, pushes him away, takes over? How hard does he need to push? Does Billy even like this, is this all an act of some sort?
“Fuck,” Elijah mumbles, his hips pushing against Billy's, and he doesn't know if he's swearing at his frustration or the pleasurable tremors running through his body.
Well, then. Billy's not about to do anything about the current situation, and Elijah thinks he needs a distraction. Reluctantly breaking their lip-lock, Elijah reaches for what he knows is in the top drawer of the bedside table.
Billy is entirely confused when Elijah so decisively removes himself to stretch over, however, he is plain surprised when something cold drips onto him. He can’t see what it is, but a second later when Elijah actually does slide over his skin, he realises that someone, most likely Dom, has decided to experiment with, of all things, baby oil. He has a vague recollection of oil-based things being bad for something or other, but all recollections, along with his understanding of words and general semantics, disappear in the dramatically emphatic sensation of a forced, solid glide, which hits him suddenly, unexpectedly. Elijah, giving up all his crises and restraints, merely smirks down at him.
Billy lets out a low, breathless moan as Elijah pushes fully into him. They stay still for a second, giving their bodies one moment to get accustomed to this, and then Elijah is moving again, pulling back before slamming back in with incredible force that knocks the breath out of them both.
Billy grunts something unintelligible, drawing in a shaky breath. He bites his lip, hard, overwhelmed by the stretch and the burn of Elijah inside him. It's the most amazing feeling Billy knows, being filled like that.
Elijah starts up a steady, ruthless rhythm, that has Billy panting for breath within minutes. Elijah, being Elijah, finds the epicentre of his body with every thrust, knows exactly what he's doing. Practice has indeed made him perfect.
Everything Elijah learnt, well, more or less, came from Dom. But he’s not the same as Dom, he’s the way that Dom wanted him to be. He does what Dom likes. What amuses. What pleases. Because that’s how these things work, when you’re not fantastically experienced in the world, you aim for the best result. And, over the time, Elijah’s become this person, this seething ball of energy and control, and because it works, because it gets results, it’s all he can be, and, by the point at which Billy contorts under his body and opens his mouth in a wordless yell, the clenching of skin and the relentless slamming and disregard and detached force is all Elijah is.
He barely notices it when Billy comes, so focused is he on his consistent joltings, barely registers the sighing and even misses the string of Scottish vowels that would usually throw him over the edge in an instant. No, instead, he continues to push, to grip, to slide, and to lose himself in an abandon of repetition and dominance.
Elijah comes, waves of sweet release washing over him, but it offers him little pleasure. When he collapses on top of Billy, all he feels is empty.
And then Billy's hands are in his hair, caressing his cheeks, and Billy's whispering soothing, comforting words into his ear. He lets himself rest there, momentarily, in Billy's warm grip, beneath Billy's petting hands, before pulling away and rolling onto his side.
A cold hand grips at Billy's still wildly beating heart as Elijah pulls away, and Billy can see tears on Elijah's cheeks that even Elijah himself is obviously unaware of. Instantly, Billy is regretting ever letting this happen. He should've insisted on getting Elijah to talk. He should've remembered he isn't Dom, who can solve any problems with sex.
Billy wraps his arms tightly around Elijah, pulling him closer, ignoring his muffled protests. “It's alright,” Billy whispers, even though he doesn't even know what it is that has upset Elijah like this.
But, even though for a second Elijah relaxed into him, for a moment, he let himself be quiet and unhappy and bothered, the next moment he kicks away, shoves Billy off him, pulls on the nearest jeans despite the fact that they aren’t his, and, collecting cigarettes from the shelf like it was automatic, he marches straight out of the door, no looks, no words, no nothing.
Lying back for a second, Billy tries to collect himself and to make a decision on whether or not to follow him. But you can’t go far, barefoot and in someone else’s jeans. So he thinks, instead. Tries to decipher the situation.
The only thing that is clear is that Elijah is upset. Why, Billy has no idea. But Elijah has been upset the whole time, and Billy, being horny, chose to ignore it. Has this got something to do with the tape?
Dom, Billy thinks suddenly. Surely Dom must know what's going on. Where is Dom, anyway? He was supposed to be at home, but he still hasn't showed up. Billy thinks about calling Dom, and then he thinks about going after Elijah. Finally, he makes a decision - or maybe his sudden crave for his post-coital cigarette makes the decision for him - and gets up from the bed, sighing. He pulls on his jeans and a t-shirt, taking his time, wanting to give Elijah a few moments to calm down.
After a minute of not-very-progressive thought, Billy reaches over for the phone, and dials Dom’s mobile. It’s on voicemail. It is, of course, possible that his battery’s run out. Possible. But Dom is so paranoid about his phone, worried he’ll miss something if it’s not on, that doesn’t seem likely. If it was off…why would that be?
There is, of course, only one possibility, and that seems so unlikely that Billy doesn’t even entertain the thought until he finds it’s the only one left. Fuckers have had an argument.
It's not unusual for Elijah and Dom to disagree about something and start fighting over it. It happens all the time, Billy has seen it. But they've never left anything unsolved for long. Dom has never left Elijah on his own like this before.
Something ugly twists in Billy's stomach, and his first thought is, there has to be something he can do to make it better. He doesn't know what's going on, but Elijah is obviously upset, and Dom is probably upset as well, and moping isn't going to do any good to either of them.
He hopes Dom's not out somewhere, drinking. That might lead to an extremely unpleasant result, if he showed up later, drunk, and then tried to solve whatever it is that has come between him and Elijah. Resolution could be anything from an agreed fuck to, well, some nasty bruising.
Billy never got in the way, because Elijah never asked him to. And Dom was never like that with anyone else. It was almost like some kind of role-play, some kind of performance they both went through; it never really seemed to be serious, and it had evolved over the months to become little short of an irregular ritual, their arguments and unconventional form of making up. But during all those times, Elijah had never gone quiet, had never…seemed so fragmented, and Dom…well, Dom had never turned his phone off.
In the end, more because it was something to stop him wondering that because he had any great desire to know the truth, Billy half-dressed, leaving Elijah’s jeans undone because they were simply too fucking small for him, and went out for a cigarette.
Elijah is sitting on the kitchen table, smoking a cigarette next to an open window, curled up in a ball so that his hands are constantly near his mouth, so that he can restlessly go on biting his nails. His shoulders are hunched and he looks far too tired.
It's still raining outside, Billy notes, glancing outside. He walks over to the table, taking one of Elijah's cigarettes and lighting it up, knowing Elijah is fully aware of his presence.
Billy thinks of all possible ways to start this conversation. He could start making chitchat about anything and carefully work his way towards the important things, or he could just be frank and ask what Dom has done now. In the end, he settles on the only question that seems important: “Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?”
“Better than what?” Elijah answers, unhelpfully.
“I don’t know unless you tell me,” Billy responds.
“I guess. D’you want a smoke?”
A nod, and Elijah lights one for him, passes it without looking over.
Still silence.
Well, Billy concludes, if tact isn’t going to get him anywhere, there’s the direct approach, or else the complete lack of communication will end in absolute ineptitude, nothing will get sorted, he’ll get embarrassed, Elijah will disappear somewhere, and no-one will be any the better for it.
“What’s he done?” Billy asks, straightforwardly. No judgment.
“What’s who done?” Elijah looks surprised at the question, which doesn’t quite fit with Billy’s take on things.
“Dom.”
“Dom? He hasn’t done anything. No. He’s not done a thing. It’s not him…it’s…”
The sentence isn’t finished, because Elijah catches his own words and, even in crisis, isn’t quite prepared to be a one-man Jerry Springer show.
“Elijah,” Billy says, firmly, and it surprises even himself that he used Elijah's full name. “Tell me. What's wrong?”
Elijah inhales on the cigarette and puts it out, reaching for the next one while he's still exhaling smoke from his lungs.
“Don't say it's nothing, because it's obviously something,” Billy says, when Elijah doesn't respond.
“It's not Dom, okay?” Elijah sighs. “He hasn't done anything.”
“Right. That's why he has his phone turned off,” Billy says.
Elijah flinches slightly at the sarcasm in Billy's voice. “He just said something that got me thinking. He's done nothing wrong. It's just...it's just me, okay?”
"Look, have it your way if you like, because I'm tired and I really can't be arsed to fuck about with another one of your squabbles. It looks like more to me, but if you're going to play this card, I'm fucking out of here."
He doesn't mean it, he just knows this works. This always works. He raises his eyebrows towards Elijah, counts seven, turns, and walks slowly towards the front door. He's reaching for the handle, when, right on cue, and fantastically scripted, Elijah calls out, "Wait!".
Slowly, Billy turns around, one eyebrow raised in question.
“I, I...come back here. Please,” Elijah says, and now even his voice sounds tired.
Billy complies, walking calmly back to the kitchen table, sliding down on one of the chairs. He looks at Elijah, expectantly, but doesn't say anything, just waits for the explanation he knows is coming.
Elijah looks out of the window, sucking vigorously on his cigarette. “Billy, have I ever...have I ever hurt you? I mean, like - physically? In...in bed?”
Billy's eyebrows shoot up in surprise.
“Uh…yeah. Yeah, you know you have. Course. What about it? Wait, fuck, did you…do something to Dom?”
Elijah shakes his head, more in contemplation than in the negative.
“I…fuck, Billy, I was watching that tape, and it was…fucking…weird. It didn’t look like me. It didn’t look like I thought I was being. It, shit, it fucking scared me.”
“Scared you? You ought to be used to seeing yourself on screen, things always look weird from a different angle. Lij, you’ve never done anything…wrong, you know. Seriously.”
“Really?” Elijah asks, softly, still not meeting Billy's eyes. “I don't know anymore. I don't know anything about all that shit anymore. I mean...” He turns, looks at Billy straight in the eye. “Do you like me like this? Or are you just humouring me?”
Billy's mouth opens, works for a moment without a sound, and then closes again. “Like what?”
Elijah curls up just a little tighter and rubs his cheek with the hand that is still carelessly holding the cigarette. “When I'm being this...I don't know. Commanding. I think 'dominant' was the word Dom used.”
“He would,” Billy mutters, trying not to make a joke out of it. “Look, Lij, it’s never crossed my mind not to like you, like anything. Be honest, it never even occurred to me to think about it. Do I look like I’m not enjoying myself…with you? C’mon. There’s nothing to worry about. Look, what’s brought this on? Did he have a go at you or something? Or was it just the tape?”
Elijah nods. “Which?!” Billy asks, in frustration at the non-answer to the question.
“I just…I look so fucking soulless!”
“Oh. Okay. Well. What d’you want me to say? I mean, it’s not like we’re…it’s…”
And he stops and wonders if for Elijah, having that much sex means something a little deeper than a good fuck.
“Dom says he likes it,” Elijah breathes. “He says it's hot. But, I mean - it's insane! It's not me, is it? I'm not sadistic or anything, and...and...”
“You like to be in control,” Billy says, mildly, and reaches out a hand to rest on Elijah's thigh, just to touch him, somewhere. “That's alright. I like it when you're in control, as well.”
“But I end up hurting you. And Dom, too.”
“Dom likes it,” Billy says, firmly. “And what’s more, gets off on as well. It's not like you're beating us up, or anything.”
Elijah shoots him an odd look because, some days, that’s exactly what it’s like.
“Ah, fuck, Lij, please. Don’t get hung up on it. It’s really nothing.” But it obviously is a thing, it’s clearly a massive fucking thing, because, oh fucking hell, Elijah’s actually got tears in his eyes. Please. Anything to stop this. What would Dom do? What would he…where is he? How can Dom do anything, because he’s not here. And he’s not reachable, either. And, this is obviously because there’s been an argument. But by the sounds of things, it wasn’t between them. If it really was all Elijah, then where the fuck is Dom and what exactly is going on, and when did just getting laid become the world’s greatest issue?
Deciding that this can't go on any longer, Billy stands slowly up and pulls the slightly reluctant Elijah into an awkward hug. “Lij. Dom and I have no problem with this, and you know that. Hell, we both know Dom isn't lying when he says he likes it. The question is...do you like it? Do you want to do it? Does it come naturally to you?”
Elijah stiffened in Billy's arms, remaining silent for long moments, until he relaxed again, and his arms suddenly wrapped around Billy. “I guess so,” he mumbled, and he didn't sound very happy about it. “It’s that…I worry I can only be like that. Not…you know. Nice.”
“So that's it, then,” Billy said, running a hand up and down Elijah's back. “Seriously, there’s time to be nice, time to be vicious. Sorry if you’ve felt pressured, or whatever, but, you know, you just have to, well, say. We’re not uptight, we can talk about shite like this if you need to. It's alright. There's nothing wrong with it.”
They stayed like that for a few moments, Elijah almost clinging to Billy. “One question, though,” Billy said, eventually, keeping his tone low and comforting. “What's up with Dom?”
“What d’you mean, what’s up with Dom?” Elijah looks surprised.
“Where is he? I thought you…I got the impression you two fell out about something…”
“Oh…I thought that stuff about him not answering the phone was you trying to make me talk…no, no, haven’t seen him all day…Billy, why are you worried? It’s Dom, he fucks off all the time…” Elijah was enjoying the sympathy, and is not quite ready to let it slip for the sake of Dom’s messing everyone around.
“But you said that something that Dom said got you to think, and that Dom called you 'dominant'...”
“That was yesterday,” Elijah interrupts. “I couldn't get it out of my head all day, and then I went to get the video, and...” He trails off, looking uncertain.
“Aah, he'll show up,” says Billy, comfortingly. “He's a big boy, he can take care of himself.”
He's silent for a few moments, waiting, and right, there it is. The slight giggle, and then Elijah says, “Big, indeed...”
And that's enough. Humour means end of crisis, time to get on with the world. Yes.
“Want to go for a walk?” Elijah asks, brightening suddenly.
“Er…yeah, sure.” Really, Billy would like to go to bed and go to sleep, cause it’s been a long enough day already, but hell, it’s warm outside, and it seems keeping Elijah happy is probably the best course of action at the moment.
“But…first we ought to swap jeans, I think…” and Elijah points and giggles at Billy’s inability to fit himself into Elijah’s rather more slight clothing.
Snorting in amusement, Billy pulls Elijah's jeans off, handing them to their rightful owner. They get dressed in surprisingly comfortable silence.
Once they're ready to go out, things start looking better already, whilst it’s still raining, the sun is shining, and everything looks that little bit less real in the peculiar light. Billy smiles, holding the door open.
Their mood changes as they walk, Elijah brightens, becomes chatty, and Billy just lets the words wash over him, smiling and nodding in the appropriate places. It’s one of those strange times when, even though no-one arranged where they were going to go, they automatically walk the same way.
Billy nicks another of Elijah’s cigarettes, and realises that they’ve ended up by the river, where he looks around, just in case Dom should’ve wandered down there in some kind of sulk. Dom likes to hide down there, just stare at the water and smoke, and think. But he’s nowhere to be seen. As Elijah continues to ramble on about some gig he thinks they ought to go to next week, Billy begins to worry.
In fact, he gets so worried, that he almost starts seeing things. Like, he could swear that those people standing in that alley are two blokes who are having sex in bright daylight. The shorter one, he's built exactly like Dom.
Billy breath catches. They're so far away that it's hard to really see anything - but fuck, that shorter guy, he's wearing Dom's favourite shirt, that's for sure.
And that taller guy...he looks exactly like Orlando.
And Dom is known for being kinky, like - sex in the rain, sex in public places.
Billy feels light-headed. It can't be...
“What is it?” Elijah asks, glancing briefly around to see if there's something out of place. “What're you staring at?”
Billy didn't notice himself stop, but he's definitely stood stock still now. Jerkily, he moves on, taking Elijah's hand and pulling him forwards.
He's an actor, after all.
With a kind smile, he says to Elijah, “Nah, nothing. So what were you saying about that gig?”
And Elijah is off again, talking a mile a minute, and Billy keeps trying to get his breathing back under control.