it's not so much the scars, but more the crowds that walk all over me.
01. I STOLE THIS IDEA JUST LIKE I STEAL EVERYTHING.
02. I played Mario all day.
03. That freshman boy that thinks I'm cute just sent me an email that said to call him. I keep reading it over and over because it makes me feel special. It's signed "xoxoxo cody." WE'RE N LUV.
04. I secretly love it when bad things happen to me, so I can get attention and material for songs. Haha.
05. I can never decide who my best friend is, so I have like five.
06. I've only ever had two boyfriends, and my first one was freshman year.
07. I was told I was the "gay coverup" for each of them.
08. And well I guess I kinda had a boyfriend when I was like 4. His name was Howie and we "played in the sand" together. NOW HE'S FAT.
09. I had the option to skip fourth grade, but I didn't.
10. I had straight A's till eighth grade and have only ever gotten two b's on report cards since then.
11. I always hated being called the "smart girl", but I love not having to try in school.
12. I've been to a Pillar/Kids in the Way show, Blink/TBS/FOB/Cypress Hill show, FOB/The Academy Is.../Midtown/Gym Class Heroes show, and numerous Tomorrow's Better Loss shows (our local band.)
13. Elson, Brandon and I love moshing, singing really loud, and jumping up and down in the front-center of TBL shows, and the other people usually stand really far away from us and stare.
14. I wrote a song for their band and they play it. Because I'm cool and Kyle asked me to.
15. I hate the telephone, but I like being called.
16. When Elson and I met Patrick from Fall Out Boy he told us to go watch Napoleon Dynamite. He said he'd never seen it but it was going to be huge.
17. I broke my arm in the balls at Burger King when I was five. And I had to eat my chicken finger things with my left hand.
18. One time this guy told the popular girls they only made fun of Elson and I because they were jealous the guys liked us better.
19. I hugged Pete from Fall Out Boy and he held my hand during one of their songs.
20. And I shook Adam Lazzara's hand.
21. Last year I got dumped three days after my birthday, and this year it was two days before.
22. I like getting into arguments and fights with my friends because when we make up I feel secure.
23. I can't stand any of the Megans I know, but the other Meagan is cool.
24. I HATE MY NAME TOO. It's so ordinary yet fucked up.
25. I can remember the first day of first grade. Because Sean pointed to his name thing on his desk and bet me I couldn't say his name. And I said, "Seeeen." And then told him to say my name. And he said, "Me-again." Exciting, I know.
26. Ashley Lynn was my best friend from kindergarten until like freshman year. We just kinda grew apart after Jake dumped me. She was the one that "hooked me up" with him.
27. I wonder what I'd look like tan. Because I've been deathly pale my whole life.
28. Cheesy potatoes from Taco Bell make me puke. So does any other form of potatoes and cheese together.
29. This year one of my best friends told me she thought she was a lesbian and that she had a huge-ass crush on me. And it really freaked me out so I kinda pushed her away. And people told her things I didn't say so she hated me and blah blah and now we're like really close again but I still feel awkward sometimes.
30. I have way too many freckles like all over my forehead and nose and no one ever noticed till I dyed my hair red.
31. I had a dream last night that I wanted to skateboard to look cool and the skateboarders at our school found my "My Little Pony Teaches You How To Skateboard" book. Hahahaha.
32. I have an obsession with learning instruments. I can play flute, oboe, guitar, a little keyboard, a little drums, and I'm learning bari sax.
33. My boobs looked really big yesterday and I don't know why.
34. I only have 3 more hours to drive before I can get my license.
35. Freshman year I had this weird-ass raccoon-looking eye rash and it hurt really bad and I looked so ugly and gross and ew and couldn't do anything about it. The doctor said I was allergic to my own tears?
36. I always correct people's grammar when they talk and then they get mad because it's annoying.
37. I can't stand spelling words wrong. If I don't know how to spell it, I'll just use a different word.
38. The other day this girl I used to be friends with was like, "Aw Meagan, you used to be so pretty." And this other girl's like, "MEAGAN I THINK YOU'RE STILL PRETTY!!!!!!" It was nice.
39. Movies make me sooo tired. Even if I'm at my house in the broad daylight, I end up falling asleep during them or not paying attention.
40. I have the shortest attention span ever. If I'm standing somewhere waiting for someone, I have to walk back and forth or like tap my fingers together because I get bored so easily.
41. I have to have music and the tv on all the time. I never watch the tv, I just like the added noise.
42. Silence freaks me out so badly.
43. If I talk on the phone and the computer, listen to music, eat, and watch tv all at the same time, then I feel like I'm doing something. Otherwise I'm bored out of my mind.
44. I used to watch My Little Pony religiously when I was younger. Like everyday at four I'd sit in front of the tv with paper and draw all the pretty designs the horses had on their butts. Then after the show I'd cut them out and tape them to my butt and act like them.
45. I don't like being called "hot."
46. I like when boys make up silly/original compliments for me. Not like "you're pretty" or something. Like "I love you more than french toast and that feeling you get after you take a shower" and "I don't need a toaster, I just need you."
47. I almost died the day Douglas was like, "I'm sorry I pick on you, but it's like when little boys pull on little girls' pigtails. They know it annoys them, but they only do it because they like them." I thought that was the cutest thing ever for some reason.
48. When Elson moved here, she had black Converse and everyone told her they were ugly. Except for me. I told her they were pretty and I got pink ones and everyone loved mine. It was funny.
49. I always end up making fun of the way people talk.
50. I REALLY LIKE TALKING ABOUT MYSELF. REALLY REALLY REALLY. I think I'm cool.
51. I can't stand it when people crack their knuckles, necks, etc. People do it on purpose in my face and I squirm.
52. I hate butterflies. This one time one got in my room and tried to attack me. I was screaming my head off.
53. When guys have crushes on me and I don't like them, I take advantage of them so badly. And I purposely go out of my way to try to make them like me more and make them think I like them too.
54. Holly once told me she thought I had some sort of complex where I had the need to lead people on just to get attention from them out of it. It's probably true.
55. I want to be a rockstar when I grow up. I have no fucking back up plan. :/
56. I'm really nice to people I hate, and bitchy to people I like/love.
57. I ALWAYS have to have socks on and my feet always have to be clean.
58. I hate other people's feet. When they're dirty I feel like puking.
59. Nikki and I once stole her mom's car and drove down to these railroad tracks listening to Eminem at full blast. And then this cop went by and she freaked out because she didn't have her license or anything. And I was just like waving at the cop retardedly and she was screaming at me. Hahaha.
60. I love little kids and they always love me back for some reason.
61. I find it more difficult to talk to girls than guys. Conversations I have with girls are so awkward and forced and annoying.
62. I wrote this story about my grandparents and entered this college's contest and got third place. And now my grandma talks about it all the time and makes everybody read it and I think it's horribly adorable.
63. I HATE MY LEGS SO MUCH. They are always either pale or this nasty pink color. And they're fat and bruised.
64. There's this girl that moved to our school that's a sophomore and is married to a 36 year old. She never came to class. This one time she was in class and just kinda said she was going to go pay library fines and went home and all her stuff was still on her desk. It was cool.
65. I act like a twelve year old boy.
66. I threw chocolate milk at that freshman boy and punched him in the stomach after he hugged me and he still likes me. Aw.
67. Every guy I've ever liked is always the same. I always get them mixed up and stuff because they all remind me of the other ones.
68. Once Elson and I had this conversation for an hour about how it would be if no one invented walking. Like if people just rolled around on the ground at the grocery store and stuff. We couldn't stop laughing.
69. The other day these girls asked me to explain what 69 was. I was like, "Dude, give me some paper and I'll draw you a diagram." But they didn't get me any paper. :(
70. I was on the track team in junior high, and my coach made me run the half-mile at a meet one time. After I was done I just collapsed on the track because I couldn't walk. Then they made me roll over in the grass and I puked clear stuff forever and was all dizzy and just laid there in my puke. Then this nice girl brought me water and Goldfish crackers.
71. A couple months ago I got into a fight with some jocky guy that butted in front of me in the lunch line. I shoved him and asked why he thought he was allowed to do that, and he was like, "I can butt in front of whoever I fucking want to." And he wouldn't move and that was the end of it and I couldn't stand the fact I was defeated.
72. I sleep with an Elmo and every time someone comes over, they hang it from my ceiling fan and make fun of me when I get upset.
73. I don't wear like any make-up except for mascara. Because I'm too lazy.
74. This one time someone I didn't know came up and called me a hooker and smacked me with his fair cane thing.
75. I still have this poem my ex-bf Jake wrote about me and it is the cutest yet worst poem ever. Like it's not even a poem. But I love it so much. ("...Then I saw my girlfriend Meagan at lunch and she made me laugh and I realized I wasn't really mad at Mrs. George anymore. That's why she's my sacred place." Aw. Hehe.)
76. I eat french fries in ranch dressing constantly. Like once or twice a day.
77. I've never had a date to a school dance. WAAAAAAH.
78. People usually think I'm a whore or a lesbian.
79. When I was little I only had one Ken doll and his head fell off so I put it on my Barbies' fireplace and pretended it was the head of their dead father and it always gave them advice and stuff.
80. Brandon's ex-girlfriend Bethanie was my best friend in preschool and I was the only one that went to her birthday party. Hee hee.
81. I can never remember how I met my friends or when I met them. Elson remembers how we met though because she said we were on the bus and I yelled, "THAT GIRL HATES ME" at her and she said she was scared because she didn't know me.
82. I don't believe in God and I never really thought it was a big deal until Brandon and this other guy Nick like told me I HAD to be a Christian or I'd go to hell and they couldn't date me and blah blah blah.
83. I've never been to a funeral and I've never known anyone that died.
84. I like Amber's mom more than I like mine.
85. My parents are always at work and they hardly ever talk to me. And I kinda like it.
86. I used to read constantly and now I don't, except for the occasional Edgar Allan Poe story/poem.
87. The way most high schoolers act doesn't appeal to me at all.
88. I am so horribly innocent and "straight-edge."
89. I have a weird obsession with boys' hipbones. And once Brandon wrote "Fags touch here" and made an arrow pointing to his and showed it to me.
90. I painted my room red and black because of Alkaline Trio. The song that's like "I put em all in black, the 4 walls of my bedroom and I trimmed them in red, peeled your picture off the wall." Except I had to do red walls and black trim. But still.
91. I like my birthday because it's really girly. May 16th. That's the girliest-sounding birthday ever.
92. I constantly burst into song and quote lyrics when I'm talking to people.
93. I wash my hands all the time.
94. I LOVE going to the dentist and getting my teeth cleaned.
95. This one time I had hot chocolate and I left it on the desk and after awhile I remembered I had it, but I didn't know if I had any left, so instead of looking in the cup I just turned it upside down in my lap. Ouch. Hahahahahaha.
96. I broke my finger playing kickball in like seventh grade and now my right pointer finger is like bent really ugly-ly.
97. My ribs look deformed and I have this fear that someday the one side'll collapse over the other side and my whole body'll cave in and I'll die.
98. I hate it when people eat almost all the chip dip and then realize what they've done and leave like a tiny bit and put it back in the fridge. Because I get my hopes up and then I'm just disappointed.
99. I feel guilty if I eat the last of something. Because what if someday all day was dreaming about eating it and they came home and it was all gone?
100. I randomly chopped some more of my hair off yesterday and I didn't really think it could get uglier but I was mistaken.
02. I played Mario all day.
03. That freshman boy that thinks I'm cute just sent me an email that said to call him. I keep reading it over and over because it makes me feel special. It's signed "xoxoxo cody." WE'RE N LUV.
04. I secretly love it when bad things happen to me, so I can get attention and material for songs. Haha.
05. I can never decide who my best friend is, so I have like five.
06. I've only ever had two boyfriends, and my first one was freshman year.
07. I was told I was the "gay coverup" for each of them.
08. And well I guess I kinda had a boyfriend when I was like 4. His name was Howie and we "played in the sand" together. NOW HE'S FAT.
09. I had the option to skip fourth grade, but I didn't.
10. I had straight A's till eighth grade and have only ever gotten two b's on report cards since then.
11. I always hated being called the "smart girl", but I love not having to try in school.
12. I've been to a Pillar/Kids in the Way show, Blink/TBS/FOB/Cypress Hill show, FOB/The Academy Is.../Midtown/Gym Class Heroes show, and numerous Tomorrow's Better Loss shows (our local band.)
13. Elson, Brandon and I love moshing, singing really loud, and jumping up and down in the front-center of TBL shows, and the other people usually stand really far away from us and stare.
14. I wrote a song for their band and they play it. Because I'm cool and Kyle asked me to.
15. I hate the telephone, but I like being called.
16. When Elson and I met Patrick from Fall Out Boy he told us to go watch Napoleon Dynamite. He said he'd never seen it but it was going to be huge.
17. I broke my arm in the balls at Burger King when I was five. And I had to eat my chicken finger things with my left hand.
18. One time this guy told the popular girls they only made fun of Elson and I because they were jealous the guys liked us better.
19. I hugged Pete from Fall Out Boy and he held my hand during one of their songs.
20. And I shook Adam Lazzara's hand.
21. Last year I got dumped three days after my birthday, and this year it was two days before.
22. I like getting into arguments and fights with my friends because when we make up I feel secure.
23. I can't stand any of the Megans I know, but the other Meagan is cool.
24. I HATE MY NAME TOO. It's so ordinary yet fucked up.
25. I can remember the first day of first grade. Because Sean pointed to his name thing on his desk and bet me I couldn't say his name. And I said, "Seeeen." And then told him to say my name. And he said, "Me-again." Exciting, I know.
26. Ashley Lynn was my best friend from kindergarten until like freshman year. We just kinda grew apart after Jake dumped me. She was the one that "hooked me up" with him.
27. I wonder what I'd look like tan. Because I've been deathly pale my whole life.
28. Cheesy potatoes from Taco Bell make me puke. So does any other form of potatoes and cheese together.
29. This year one of my best friends told me she thought she was a lesbian and that she had a huge-ass crush on me. And it really freaked me out so I kinda pushed her away. And people told her things I didn't say so she hated me and blah blah and now we're like really close again but I still feel awkward sometimes.
30. I have way too many freckles like all over my forehead and nose and no one ever noticed till I dyed my hair red.
31. I had a dream last night that I wanted to skateboard to look cool and the skateboarders at our school found my "My Little Pony Teaches You How To Skateboard" book. Hahahaha.
32. I have an obsession with learning instruments. I can play flute, oboe, guitar, a little keyboard, a little drums, and I'm learning bari sax.
33. My boobs looked really big yesterday and I don't know why.
34. I only have 3 more hours to drive before I can get my license.
35. Freshman year I had this weird-ass raccoon-looking eye rash and it hurt really bad and I looked so ugly and gross and ew and couldn't do anything about it. The doctor said I was allergic to my own tears?
36. I always correct people's grammar when they talk and then they get mad because it's annoying.
37. I can't stand spelling words wrong. If I don't know how to spell it, I'll just use a different word.
38. The other day this girl I used to be friends with was like, "Aw Meagan, you used to be so pretty." And this other girl's like, "MEAGAN I THINK YOU'RE STILL PRETTY!!!!!!" It was nice.
39. Movies make me sooo tired. Even if I'm at my house in the broad daylight, I end up falling asleep during them or not paying attention.
40. I have the shortest attention span ever. If I'm standing somewhere waiting for someone, I have to walk back and forth or like tap my fingers together because I get bored so easily.
41. I have to have music and the tv on all the time. I never watch the tv, I just like the added noise.
42. Silence freaks me out so badly.
43. If I talk on the phone and the computer, listen to music, eat, and watch tv all at the same time, then I feel like I'm doing something. Otherwise I'm bored out of my mind.
44. I used to watch My Little Pony religiously when I was younger. Like everyday at four I'd sit in front of the tv with paper and draw all the pretty designs the horses had on their butts. Then after the show I'd cut them out and tape them to my butt and act like them.
45. I don't like being called "hot."
46. I like when boys make up silly/original compliments for me. Not like "you're pretty" or something. Like "I love you more than french toast and that feeling you get after you take a shower" and "I don't need a toaster, I just need you."
47. I almost died the day Douglas was like, "I'm sorry I pick on you, but it's like when little boys pull on little girls' pigtails. They know it annoys them, but they only do it because they like them." I thought that was the cutest thing ever for some reason.
48. When Elson moved here, she had black Converse and everyone told her they were ugly. Except for me. I told her they were pretty and I got pink ones and everyone loved mine. It was funny.
49. I always end up making fun of the way people talk.
50. I REALLY LIKE TALKING ABOUT MYSELF. REALLY REALLY REALLY. I think I'm cool.
51. I can't stand it when people crack their knuckles, necks, etc. People do it on purpose in my face and I squirm.
52. I hate butterflies. This one time one got in my room and tried to attack me. I was screaming my head off.
53. When guys have crushes on me and I don't like them, I take advantage of them so badly. And I purposely go out of my way to try to make them like me more and make them think I like them too.
54. Holly once told me she thought I had some sort of complex where I had the need to lead people on just to get attention from them out of it. It's probably true.
55. I want to be a rockstar when I grow up. I have no fucking back up plan. :/
56. I'm really nice to people I hate, and bitchy to people I like/love.
57. I ALWAYS have to have socks on and my feet always have to be clean.
58. I hate other people's feet. When they're dirty I feel like puking.
59. Nikki and I once stole her mom's car and drove down to these railroad tracks listening to Eminem at full blast. And then this cop went by and she freaked out because she didn't have her license or anything. And I was just like waving at the cop retardedly and she was screaming at me. Hahaha.
60. I love little kids and they always love me back for some reason.
61. I find it more difficult to talk to girls than guys. Conversations I have with girls are so awkward and forced and annoying.
62. I wrote this story about my grandparents and entered this college's contest and got third place. And now my grandma talks about it all the time and makes everybody read it and I think it's horribly adorable.
63. I HATE MY LEGS SO MUCH. They are always either pale or this nasty pink color. And they're fat and bruised.
64. There's this girl that moved to our school that's a sophomore and is married to a 36 year old. She never came to class. This one time she was in class and just kinda said she was going to go pay library fines and went home and all her stuff was still on her desk. It was cool.
65. I act like a twelve year old boy.
66. I threw chocolate milk at that freshman boy and punched him in the stomach after he hugged me and he still likes me. Aw.
67. Every guy I've ever liked is always the same. I always get them mixed up and stuff because they all remind me of the other ones.
68. Once Elson and I had this conversation for an hour about how it would be if no one invented walking. Like if people just rolled around on the ground at the grocery store and stuff. We couldn't stop laughing.
69. The other day these girls asked me to explain what 69 was. I was like, "Dude, give me some paper and I'll draw you a diagram." But they didn't get me any paper. :(
70. I was on the track team in junior high, and my coach made me run the half-mile at a meet one time. After I was done I just collapsed on the track because I couldn't walk. Then they made me roll over in the grass and I puked clear stuff forever and was all dizzy and just laid there in my puke. Then this nice girl brought me water and Goldfish crackers.
71. A couple months ago I got into a fight with some jocky guy that butted in front of me in the lunch line. I shoved him and asked why he thought he was allowed to do that, and he was like, "I can butt in front of whoever I fucking want to." And he wouldn't move and that was the end of it and I couldn't stand the fact I was defeated.
72. I sleep with an Elmo and every time someone comes over, they hang it from my ceiling fan and make fun of me when I get upset.
73. I don't wear like any make-up except for mascara. Because I'm too lazy.
74. This one time someone I didn't know came up and called me a hooker and smacked me with his fair cane thing.
75. I still have this poem my ex-bf Jake wrote about me and it is the cutest yet worst poem ever. Like it's not even a poem. But I love it so much. ("...Then I saw my girlfriend Meagan at lunch and she made me laugh and I realized I wasn't really mad at Mrs. George anymore. That's why she's my sacred place." Aw. Hehe.)
76. I eat french fries in ranch dressing constantly. Like once or twice a day.
77. I've never had a date to a school dance. WAAAAAAH.
78. People usually think I'm a whore or a lesbian.
79. When I was little I only had one Ken doll and his head fell off so I put it on my Barbies' fireplace and pretended it was the head of their dead father and it always gave them advice and stuff.
80. Brandon's ex-girlfriend Bethanie was my best friend in preschool and I was the only one that went to her birthday party. Hee hee.
81. I can never remember how I met my friends or when I met them. Elson remembers how we met though because she said we were on the bus and I yelled, "THAT GIRL HATES ME" at her and she said she was scared because she didn't know me.
82. I don't believe in God and I never really thought it was a big deal until Brandon and this other guy Nick like told me I HAD to be a Christian or I'd go to hell and they couldn't date me and blah blah blah.
83. I've never been to a funeral and I've never known anyone that died.
84. I like Amber's mom more than I like mine.
85. My parents are always at work and they hardly ever talk to me. And I kinda like it.
86. I used to read constantly and now I don't, except for the occasional Edgar Allan Poe story/poem.
87. The way most high schoolers act doesn't appeal to me at all.
88. I am so horribly innocent and "straight-edge."
89. I have a weird obsession with boys' hipbones. And once Brandon wrote "Fags touch here" and made an arrow pointing to his and showed it to me.
90. I painted my room red and black because of Alkaline Trio. The song that's like "I put em all in black, the 4 walls of my bedroom and I trimmed them in red, peeled your picture off the wall." Except I had to do red walls and black trim. But still.
91. I like my birthday because it's really girly. May 16th. That's the girliest-sounding birthday ever.
92. I constantly burst into song and quote lyrics when I'm talking to people.
93. I wash my hands all the time.
94. I LOVE going to the dentist and getting my teeth cleaned.
95. This one time I had hot chocolate and I left it on the desk and after awhile I remembered I had it, but I didn't know if I had any left, so instead of looking in the cup I just turned it upside down in my lap. Ouch. Hahahahahaha.
96. I broke my finger playing kickball in like seventh grade and now my right pointer finger is like bent really ugly-ly.
97. My ribs look deformed and I have this fear that someday the one side'll collapse over the other side and my whole body'll cave in and I'll die.
98. I hate it when people eat almost all the chip dip and then realize what they've done and leave like a tiny bit and put it back in the fridge. Because I get my hopes up and then I'm just disappointed.
99. I feel guilty if I eat the last of something. Because what if someday all day was dreaming about eating it and they came home and it was all gone?
100. I randomly chopped some more of my hair off yesterday and I didn't really think it could get uglier but I was mistaken.