it's officially spring break, and i'm one of the few people left on campus. the natural outline of my days is much the same; it's long since ceased being strange for me to enter my apartment and find it empty. in fact, it's almost nice to be able to do all the dishes and come back at the end of the day to a still empty sink ( Read more... )

as i drove home tonight, in the kind of dense fog that mandates you know the roads well enough to predict their curves, it struck me how strongly location influences everything. i talked to my father the other day, still unable to not cry for more than a couple of minutes and he insisted that if its just not working out here, i should just come ( Read more... )

today ( Read more... )

i sleep a lot more now. i still stir around six forty-five, but all i have to do is close my eyes and it's ten o'clock and i actually don't feel tired. i made it through the weekend without picking a stupid fight with my boyfriend. i haven't cried in a week. but somehow, it still feels temporary and a bit artificial. i still haven't done the things ( Read more... )

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it's amazing that a pill that small could solve most of my problems, that 10mg a day of anything can actually change the things i've repeatedly failed to change with countless alterations of my behavior ( Read more... )

i did something yesterday, something i've been urged to do for years. something that i never considered difficult, but impossible because of precedent and pride.

so much has changed in the past four years - my context, my priorities, even aspects of my personality. yet when i sat at that coffee shop, telling myself to just press send i was ( Read more... )

i read an article in national geographic on a study that found the chemicals that our brains produce when we are in love are similar to those produced by a chemical imbalance. and maybe that's why right now i feel the most sane i have in the past few days, maybe that's why i'm finally calm as i sit here and type this ( Read more... )

all it takes is a single evening of talking, relating, listening, to make me wonder why i go to such great lengths to isolate myself, why i crawl inside and pretend i'd prefer to never come out. and then a friend, one from way back when, who overlaps with me in all the contradictory ways that we differentiate, fail to satiate, feel inadequate for ( Read more... )

tell me please

i've done all yours, so if you'd please indulge me ♥