What Hurts More Than... Chapter 3
Title: What Hurts More Than…
Author: sen_nen_no_yuki
Pairing: Yamada Ryosuke x OC , Nakajima Yuto x OC
Rating: PG 15
Genre: Romance, Major Angst
Warnings: Language, Blood shed
Summary: Yoshida Maiyu loves her best friend Yamada Ryosuke. They’ve been best friends ever since they could remember. Maiyu’s been building up the courage to confess to Ryosuke, but what happens when a new girl gets in the way? What’s worse is that Ryosuke actually likes her too! Maiyu’s forced to suffer as she watches the one she loves, give love to someone else.
Chapter 3
It was amazing that Maiyu actually made it home that day. After spending a half hour in the dark corner, she had to pack up and leave before the janitors found her. Pulling her books together, she walked out of the school, dragging her feet, scary thoughts filling her mind. Luckily, there were no busy streets on the way home or else Maiyu would have probably thrown herself in front of an oncoming car. She felt terrible. The pain in her heart hadn’t gone away and now her eyes were swollen so much that it hurt to open her eyes. It was chilly outside even though it was late spring and Maiyu didn’t have a jacket with her. It didn’t matter though. No matter how many layers she wore, she would never feel warm. It was like she was an empty shell.
When she got home, she greeted everyone yet there was no one home. Maiyu slumped into the kitchen and found a note on the table. So her family was gone for the night…all the better for her. No one would have to see what she looked like at the moment.
Maiyu walked up the stairs slowly, and when she finally reached her room, she flopped down onto her bed face in her comforter. She loved her bed. The pink flannel covers that kept her safe and always smelt like her favourite detergent. Maiyu wrapped herself in her blanket and just lay there, not sure what to do. She could call Yuuto, but then she would end up crying to him about Ryosuke again, and now that they were going out, she suspected that the name ‘Ryosuke’ was one of the last things he wanted to hear. She pulled out her phone anyway and noticed a text message. It was from Ryosuke.
You and Yuuto aren’t the only couple in our class anymore! Miyabi and I are together now! ^-^V yay!
Maiyu didn’t need to know that after seeing them in the classroom an hour earlier. But since she was Ryosuke’s confidant, she typed back to him.
Good for you! Congrats! Yuu-chan and I won’t lose to you! ^-^V
She didn’t know why she wrote that…but she already sent the text…there was no way she could take back those letters. Luckily, texting could always hide a person’s true emotions. Ryosuke would never find out what she was really thinking. She really wanted to type her true feelings. “No you can’t! Don’t leave me…I love you,” but there was no way she could do that. She wanted to make Ryosuke jealous like all the times before. Slowly, tears were leaking out of Maiyu’s eyes. The tears landed on the screen on her cell phone. She watched as the image on the screen was distorted by the droplets. She wiped the screen with her blanket. Why was she crying? She should be happy. Ryosuke was happy which meant that she should be too. She was his best friend after all.
Looking at the time, Maiyu decided to go take a shower. She slowly moved over to her closet to grab the stuff she needed. Dragging her feet into the washroom, she turned on the water. Once getting into the shower, she let the warm water run over her shoulders and her back washing away all the dirt from the day. But there was one thing that couldn’t go down the drain; and that was her heartache. Maiyu looked at her razor on the shelf in the shower. She grabbed it and stared at it before pushing it to her wrist. Did she really want to do this?
Maiyu dragged the blade across her skin lightly and she saw a small trickle of blood. Of course it hurt. But the pain was nothing compared to how much her heart heaved.
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The next morning, Maiyu walked to school with Ryosuke again. This time, she felt much stronger and was able to hold everything in as Ryosuke told her exactly what happened the night before. There was one thing bothering Ryosuke though. Why was Maiyu wearing an arm warmer?
“Nee…Mai-chan…it’s almost summer…why are you wearing an arm warmer?....and why only one?” he pointed to the black and red striped fabric that was around her arm.
“Hmm? I’m just cold…plus… doesn’t it look cool?” she lied holding out her arm in front ofher. At the same time, Maiyu was twisting her hair between her fingers. Ryosuke only knew what that meant. She was lying. To be honest, her parents asked her the same question that morning. Of course, they didn’t know her as well as Ryosuke did and just took her answer. As for her hair, Maiyu managed to keep herself from pulling at the black strands as she busied herself, gathering her books that morning.
Ryosuke didn’t want to push her anymore because she looked like she had a rough night. He noticed that her eyes were a bit puffy and her hair didn’t look like it was cared for as well as Maiyu usually did. There were stray strands sticking out here and there and parts of her hair were frizzy. Maiyu normally dried her hair so it was dead straight. Ryosuke shrugged and continued with his story.
The cuts on Maiyu’s wrist were still open from the night before and as Ryosuke chattered on about how much he liked Miyabi, her hand would travel around her wrist and she would squeeze hard. The fabric on the arm warmer rubbed against the open wound that it concealed, making her wince in pain. But Ryosuke didn’t notice. He was too busy daydreaming about the one he loved. The person who wasn’t Maiyu.
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When they got to school, Maiyu and Ryosuke parted ways. She went to find Yuuto. Lucky enough, he was standing at the gates waiting for her, his hands in his pockets, leaning against the supporting wall.
“Ohayou Maiyu!” he jogged towards her and planted a kiss on her cheek. Maiyu blushed bright red.
“ Y-yuuto!” she pushed Yuuto away from her, not wanting Ryosuke to see that she was being lovey dovey with her boyfriend that morning.
“What? Can’t a boyfriend kiss his girlfriend?”
“I didn’t say that… wait…no! Not in front of everyone!” she slapped hit him on the arm with her cloth covered wrist. The contact made her wince. Yuuto noticed that she was cringing in pain. Then he noticed the arm warmer over Maiyu’s left wrist. What on earth happened?
Yuuto had an idea about what was under that striped fabric but he didn’t want to ask. He was too afraid to face the truth. And so, he ignored it. Yuuto, being the 177cm guy he was, looked down at the 150cm Maiyu to see that she was staring off into the distance at Ryosuke. Her eyes were glazed over and she looked lost. Yuuto’s heart fell when he noticed that she was paying zero attention to him. She was only focused on the fact that Miyabi was practically hanging off of Ryosuke’s arm. Yuuto noticed that Maiyu was squeezing her wrist and it wasn’t a loose grip either. It was like if she squeezed any harder, she would sever her wrist from the rest of her arm.
Yuuto grabbed Maiyu wrist and pulled her into the school. He knew that she still liked him. But like Maiyu towards Ryosuke, he had an unconditional love for her. He couldn’t let her go. He physically had her, and he wasn’t planning on letting that slip between his fingers either. Though, the title of girlfriend and boyfriend are merely words. In their relationship, there was only one sided feelings and Yuuto fully knew it. What was the point of them being together?
Yuuto ignored all of Maiyu’s protests and dragged her through the hallways, a dark expression on his face. He walked into the classroom and practically threw her into her seat. Throughout the journey to class, Maiyu was crying out in both pain and objections. The grip that Yuuto had on her wasn’t too gentle and it was the one time which Maiyu didn’t want to feel the physical pain as the cotton polyester blended fabric was scratching against her cuts. Tears were streaming down her eyes. Her wrist stung and was now throbbing. She was about to run out of the classroom when Ryosuke and Miyabi walked in hand and hand.
Unlike the time where Yuuto and Maiyu caused a huge ruckus in class, Ryosuke and Miyabi simply walked to their seats. They actually weren’t very…secretive about their relationship. The news actually went through the whole class earlier that morning and so the commotion already died down. Maiyu immediately dried her eyes and plastered on a fake smile. She didn’t want Ryosuke to be suspicious.
“Ohayou Ryo-chan!” Maiyu was good at hiding things from Ryosuke recently. When they were younger, nothing about her got past him. But now, with all his attention towards his new girlfriend, he let even the big things go by unnoticed.
“Ohayou Mai-chan!” he greeted her back just like any best friend would. Gosh was he ever blind. The real Ryosuke, the Ryo-chan who was Maiyu’s best friend, would have been able to look straight into her eyes and see how much she was suffering. Through the tone of her voice and the cheeriness of her actions, she was able to mask what she was truly feeling. Maiyu was putting on a façade that only her closest friend would be able to peel apart and yet that didn’t happen.
Just when Maiyu was getting used to being around Ryosuke again, Miyabi suddenly butted in. “Nee Ryo-chan, wasn’t there something you wanted to ask Nakajima-kun and Yoshida-chan?” ‘Ryo-chan’…wasn’t it only a name that Maiyu was allowed to use? Ryosuke RARELY let anyone call him ‘Ryo-chan’ even his family members! He was always called Yama-chan or just Ryosuke. This girl was taking over.
“Oh right!” he closed fist landed into his open palm, signalling that he just remembered. “A new restaurant opened up recently. My cousin works there and she said she could get us a discount. We should all go there together!”
By then, Yuuto moved his chair to the side of Ryosuke’s desk and was listening to the conversation that clearly included him. “What kind of event are we talking here?” Yuuto actually knew that Ryosuke was hinting at.
“Hmm…I guess you could call it a double date?” Miyabi suggested, her finger tapping on her nose showing that she was deep in thought. “Do you two want to come or not?”
Yuuto was unsure about agreeing to their little dinner part. Maiyu was obviously NOT over Ryosuke and it would have been better to decline the offer to protect her. Yet there was something in his mind that forced him to say ‘yes’.
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That Friday night, the group planned to meet at the restaurant. As Yuuto promised Maiyu earlier that day, he was standing outside of her front door at 6 o’clock sharp. They walked side by side towards the restaurant. It was late and the temperature outside was cooling down. A cold gust of wind blew and sent shivers up Maiyu’s spine.
“Are you cold?” Yuuto looked at her questioningly. Maiyu didn’t have a jacket.
“…No I’m fine,” she tried to be calm yet on the inside, her heart was going at 1000 beats per minute. She was nervous of course. Maiyu knew that she was in an unstable state and was pushing her limits by going on this date. She didn’t know how much she could handle of seeing Ryosuke and Miyabi together. Maiyu’s gaze was directed to the ground,
She heard shuffling to her left and felt a sudden weight on her back. Yuuto had taken off his jacket and draped it over her shoulders. Underneath the jacket, Yuuto was only wearing a thin t-shirt. Maiyu was worried and tried to take off the jacket to give it back to Yuuto but he spoke up before she could move.
“No, keep it on. You need it more than I do.” Yuuto walked a long perfectly fine. In Maiyu’s eyes, she always thought of him as a stick. Yuuto was a skinny, 177cm twig. She swore if the wind were any stronger, he would fly away.
It hurt Maiyu to see that Yuuto cared about her so much and here she was, stuck to Ryosuke. She felt bad especially because she knew that she was going to upset him in the end.
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When they got to the restaurant, Miyabi and Ryosuke were already sitting down and waiting. The pair quickly joined them. As Maiyu approached the table, she noticed that Ryosuke and Miyabi’s hands were linked under the purple table cloth. Maiyu inhaled deeply. She needed to be stronger. Suddenly she felt warmth on her hand. She looked up to see Yuuto grinning at her.
When they took their seats and ordered their food, the waiter came back five minutes later with a pot of tea. He set the pot onto the table and sensed some sort of tense aura around the table. The man dressed in a white dress shirt and black vest, quickly did a 360 on his heels and walked away has fast as he could.
Maiyu stood up and started to pour the tea. As she and Ryosuke were growing up, it was always her job to pour the tea. Ryosuke was way too clumsy and always managed to spill it. He also had the habit of grabbing his tea and drinking it when it was too hot. Maiyu eventually learned that she was never supposed to give him his glass right away.
Maiyu gave everyone their glasses except Ryosuke. She placed his glass right next to hers and sat down sipping her tea.
“Mai-chan! What the heck! Why don’t I get any?” he complained.
“Baka…you always end up burning yourself!” she scolded the whining teen who pouted.
“Nee…Maiyu…shouldn’t you just give it to him? I mean… I think he’s old enough to take care of himself…plus he has Fukuda-chan…” Yuuto tried to calm Maiyu down.
Maiyu realized what she was doing. She was still attached to Ryosuke. She was fed up with herself. Just WHY couldn’t she let go of him?! Maiyu’s head fell and she started shaking. She felt embarrassed and humiliated. The teacup in her hand started to shake with her and the hot liquid sloshed out onto her hand. But Maiyu didn’t cry out in pain. Of course she dropped the cup and it landed onto the table with a huge clunk. People were starting to stare as the young 16 year old teen was breaking down. Maiyu had her hand cradled to her chest, trying to hold in tears. She didn’t want to cry in front of him.
Yuuto stood up and patted Maiyu on the back. He helped her to stand and they started walking outside of the restaurant.
“I’m going to take her home.” Yuuto said to Miyabi and Ryosuke who looked absolutely dumbfounded. They looked out of the huge window of the restaurant and watched as Yuuto tried to calm Maiyu down.
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“Maiyu, what’s wrong?” he asked quietly.
“I….just can’t Yuuto…I just can’t get over him…” she sobbed. Maiyu would have never dreamed of letting Ryosuke see her break down like this but the place Yuuto stopped was right in front of the restaurant’s window. Ryosuke was watching everything.
“This again…Maiyu, I’ve…been trying to get him off your mind all this time…” he said sullenly, “I’m your boyfriend for heaven’s sakes! How can you think…of another guy?” he moved closer to Maiyu and tried to kiss her. Being vulnerable at the moment, he actually kissed her. It was the first kiss they shared as a couple but just like their relationship, it was one sided.
It took a few seconds for Maiyu to register in her mind what was going on. When it hit her, she suddenly pushed Yuuto away.
“No Yuuto! Ryo-chan will see!” the second those words left her mouth, she gasped and covered the place where the phrase came from. She didn’t mean to say that. It just slipped out.
“Oh…I see how it is…” Yuuto mumbled quietly. There was a flash of light followed by a rumble. Drops of rain started to fall on the two. It started to rain harder; drenching the two of them in a matter of seconds. “You’ve never thought about me…It’s always been Ryosuke, Ryosuke and Ryosuke. Don’t you see that you’re deteriorating from just watching him? I’ve tried to be supportive Maiyu. I’ve tried to help you get over him but no matter what, you’re not going to let go no matter what I do. I knew that our relationship was going to be one sided. But why did I keep pursuing you? But you know what they say. As long as the person you love is happy…so that’s why…I think we should break up Maiyu.” Yuuto didn’t make any eye contact with her. He just stared at his shoes which were slowly soaking up water. His hair was soaked and was sticking to his face. He didn’t even bother to try to move it. Before Maiyu could say anything Yuuto turned away and started walking home, leaving Maiyu there to cry in the middle of the street.
Ryosuke and Miyabi were watching the whole time. They were shocked. Why was Maiyu crying? Why did Yuuto just walk away from her? He saw her crouch down outside her face in her palms. He assumed that it was Yuuto who made her cry. Ryosuke felt the urge to jump up and chase after Yuuto to give him a good punch in the face, but he didn’t. He felt like going outside into the pouring rain and helping his best friend, but he didn’t. He just sat there.
Maiyu didn’t want to go back into the restaurant because she couldn’t and didn’t want to explain why she left in the first place. She decided that it was best to just go home. She was soaked from head to toe, her normally dead straight black hair now clumped in large strands because of the rain. Her shoes were soaked thoroughly and she was shivering. She walked home through the rain, her head looking down at the sidewalk as she slumped along. All around her, people continued on their way walking with umbrellas in hand. The occasional car was passing by, their headlights blinding Maiyu momentarily.
When she got home, she was all alone again, the silence in the house was deafening. It was so quiet, she could hear the rain outside. She walked up to her room and fell face down on her bed. She felt so numb. It wasn’t because of the fact that she was still soaking wet and freezing either. Not bothering to change clothes, she pulled out her treasured notebook and she started to write.
October 23rd 2009
Dear Diary,
Today sucks. I shouldn’t have gone out with Ryosuke, Fukuda-san and Yuuto. He broke up with me. He said I wasn’t paying enough attention to him. That all my focus was on Ryosuke. I hate myself. I hate how I’m too attached to him. I’m a burden too. I only hurt those who come near me. I’m better off dead.
I couldn’t say this to you Yuuto because you left me. I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I took your kindness for granted. I’m so stupid. You were in front of me the whole time and yet I only watched Ryosuke. We were boyfriend and girlfriend but it was one sided the whole time…I’m sorry for hurting you. I want to still be friends but I understand if you don’t want to ever see me again. I don’t know whether I’ll ever get over this love and I’m sorry to have agreed to be your girlfriend without fully thinking my feelings through. I’m such a freaking idiot.
I don’t know how I’ll be able to face anyone tomorrow. I’ve hurt Yuuto, I break down when I see Ryosuke and Fukuda-san…there’s no one else I can turn to anymore. I’m better off all alone anyway.
I truly wanted to get over him. I just had to. He’s happy with someone else right now and yet I don’t know why I can’t accept that. Seeing Fukuda-san with Ryosuke…it just makes me wish that I were her. It makes me wish that I were the one who makes him happy. The one who he’s always watching over. I used to be the one he watched over. We are…were best friends. What are we now anyway? He hasn’t talked to me lately…he’s spending all his time with her. I doubt that he even remembers that we’re friends. My mind tells me to give up, to stop fighting and to just move on, but my heart’s doing something completely different. I can’t stand this…
Maiyu closed her book and changed her clothes. She lay on her bed curled up in a ball, on top of covers, her weight wrinkling the fabric of the bed that she took time to properly make that morning. Her hair was slowly drying but still damp. She didn’t have the motivation to even towel dry it. The moisture was soaking into her blankets making the cold water, become warm as she laid down. It felt uncomfortable but she decided to live with it. Her head was throbbing. Probably because she was out in the rain too long. She didn’t feel like moving or she would have gotten up to take something for it. Feeling too tired, she fell asleep within a matter of minutes.
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*back at the restaurant*
Ryosuke and Miyabi were enjoying their dinner, not wanting to waste a perfectly good opportunity. They were quite oblivious to what was happening around them until Ryosuke felt something icy cold and wet on his pants. He stood up in shock from the cold feeling. The whole front of his pants were wet with ice cold water. A woman was watching with an apologetic face as she clutched her silver tray over her chest.
“OH MY GOD I AM SOOO SORRY!!!” she screamed in English. Her hair was cut in a short style that ended at her shoulders. Her thick black framed glasses were covered by her bangs. She wasn’t Japanese that was for sure. Her skin tone didn’t match the pale complexion of a Japanese person.
“CHANEL WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” a man in a black suit and tan coloured tie stormed out of the restaurant’s kitchen. He saw what had happened and was now yelling at the girl. “THREE YEARS! THREE YEARS AND YOU’RE STILL SPILLING THINGS ON CUSTOMERS!” the man was yelling in Japanese. It was obvious that the girl didn’t understand, yet she was still cringing from the volume of his voice, fully knowing that he was mad at her. “YOU CAN’T EVEN HOLD UP A TRAY! NO WONDER YOU’RE NOT READY TO BE A WAITRESS YET! CHANEL! YOU’RE FIRED!” Chanel was an immigrant from Canada. She barely understood Japanese, but knew enough to know that she wasn’t working there any longer. When her boss apologized to Ryosuke, he turned around looking like he was having a hissy fit, and stormed back into the kitchen.
Chanel tore off her apron and screamed in his direction in English. “YOU CHATCH OF A BOSS! F*** YOU!” she held up her middle finger. “YOU FAIL AS A BOSS! AND WHAT KIND OF JAPANESE GUY HAS THE NAME ‘FRANCOIS’ ?!”(A/N- no offense to ppl with that name) she put on an accent that resembled the way that her boss corrected her every time she mispronounced his name. The owner of that restaurant was from French decent but was more Japanese. He always liked showing off his French side because he thought people would think he was classy. But he was also gay and it wasn’t the ‘gay’ which teens use to describe something weird; he was actually homosexual. “BY THE WAY BOSS,” she stressed the word, “I SAW YOU MAKING OUT WITH ONE OF THE CHEFS! GAY CHATCH! I NEVER KNEW GUYS COULD BE BITCHES! WHAT? DO YOU HAVE PMS TOO? ONE DAY I’LL BRING A PACK OF SPARKLERS AND BLOW UP THIS PLACE!” Chanel stormed out of the restaurant and the customers all looked at each other, not knowing how to react to that kind of situation. There was one guy in the restaurant who said out of the blue, “Sparklers are explosive?...”
Author: sen_nen_no_yuki
Pairing: Yamada Ryosuke x OC , Nakajima Yuto x OC
Rating: PG 15
Genre: Romance, Major Angst
Warnings: Language, Blood shed
Summary: Yoshida Maiyu loves her best friend Yamada Ryosuke. They’ve been best friends ever since they could remember. Maiyu’s been building up the courage to confess to Ryosuke, but what happens when a new girl gets in the way? What’s worse is that Ryosuke actually likes her too! Maiyu’s forced to suffer as she watches the one she loves, give love to someone else.
Chapter 3
It was amazing that Maiyu actually made it home that day. After spending a half hour in the dark corner, she had to pack up and leave before the janitors found her. Pulling her books together, she walked out of the school, dragging her feet, scary thoughts filling her mind. Luckily, there were no busy streets on the way home or else Maiyu would have probably thrown herself in front of an oncoming car. She felt terrible. The pain in her heart hadn’t gone away and now her eyes were swollen so much that it hurt to open her eyes. It was chilly outside even though it was late spring and Maiyu didn’t have a jacket with her. It didn’t matter though. No matter how many layers she wore, she would never feel warm. It was like she was an empty shell.
When she got home, she greeted everyone yet there was no one home. Maiyu slumped into the kitchen and found a note on the table. So her family was gone for the night…all the better for her. No one would have to see what she looked like at the moment.
Maiyu walked up the stairs slowly, and when she finally reached her room, she flopped down onto her bed face in her comforter. She loved her bed. The pink flannel covers that kept her safe and always smelt like her favourite detergent. Maiyu wrapped herself in her blanket and just lay there, not sure what to do. She could call Yuuto, but then she would end up crying to him about Ryosuke again, and now that they were going out, she suspected that the name ‘Ryosuke’ was one of the last things he wanted to hear. She pulled out her phone anyway and noticed a text message. It was from Ryosuke.
You and Yuuto aren’t the only couple in our class anymore! Miyabi and I are together now! ^-^V yay!
Maiyu didn’t need to know that after seeing them in the classroom an hour earlier. But since she was Ryosuke’s confidant, she typed back to him.
Good for you! Congrats! Yuu-chan and I won’t lose to you! ^-^V
She didn’t know why she wrote that…but she already sent the text…there was no way she could take back those letters. Luckily, texting could always hide a person’s true emotions. Ryosuke would never find out what she was really thinking. She really wanted to type her true feelings. “No you can’t! Don’t leave me…I love you,” but there was no way she could do that. She wanted to make Ryosuke jealous like all the times before. Slowly, tears were leaking out of Maiyu’s eyes. The tears landed on the screen on her cell phone. She watched as the image on the screen was distorted by the droplets. She wiped the screen with her blanket. Why was she crying? She should be happy. Ryosuke was happy which meant that she should be too. She was his best friend after all.
Looking at the time, Maiyu decided to go take a shower. She slowly moved over to her closet to grab the stuff she needed. Dragging her feet into the washroom, she turned on the water. Once getting into the shower, she let the warm water run over her shoulders and her back washing away all the dirt from the day. But there was one thing that couldn’t go down the drain; and that was her heartache. Maiyu looked at her razor on the shelf in the shower. She grabbed it and stared at it before pushing it to her wrist. Did she really want to do this?
Maiyu dragged the blade across her skin lightly and she saw a small trickle of blood. Of course it hurt. But the pain was nothing compared to how much her heart heaved.
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The next morning, Maiyu walked to school with Ryosuke again. This time, she felt much stronger and was able to hold everything in as Ryosuke told her exactly what happened the night before. There was one thing bothering Ryosuke though. Why was Maiyu wearing an arm warmer?
“Nee…Mai-chan…it’s almost summer…why are you wearing an arm warmer?....and why only one?” he pointed to the black and red striped fabric that was around her arm.
“Hmm? I’m just cold…plus… doesn’t it look cool?” she lied holding out her arm in front ofher. At the same time, Maiyu was twisting her hair between her fingers. Ryosuke only knew what that meant. She was lying. To be honest, her parents asked her the same question that morning. Of course, they didn’t know her as well as Ryosuke did and just took her answer. As for her hair, Maiyu managed to keep herself from pulling at the black strands as she busied herself, gathering her books that morning.
Ryosuke didn’t want to push her anymore because she looked like she had a rough night. He noticed that her eyes were a bit puffy and her hair didn’t look like it was cared for as well as Maiyu usually did. There were stray strands sticking out here and there and parts of her hair were frizzy. Maiyu normally dried her hair so it was dead straight. Ryosuke shrugged and continued with his story.
The cuts on Maiyu’s wrist were still open from the night before and as Ryosuke chattered on about how much he liked Miyabi, her hand would travel around her wrist and she would squeeze hard. The fabric on the arm warmer rubbed against the open wound that it concealed, making her wince in pain. But Ryosuke didn’t notice. He was too busy daydreaming about the one he loved. The person who wasn’t Maiyu.
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When they got to school, Maiyu and Ryosuke parted ways. She went to find Yuuto. Lucky enough, he was standing at the gates waiting for her, his hands in his pockets, leaning against the supporting wall.
“Ohayou Maiyu!” he jogged towards her and planted a kiss on her cheek. Maiyu blushed bright red.
“ Y-yuuto!” she pushed Yuuto away from her, not wanting Ryosuke to see that she was being lovey dovey with her boyfriend that morning.
“What? Can’t a boyfriend kiss his girlfriend?”
“I didn’t say that… wait…no! Not in front of everyone!” she slapped hit him on the arm with her cloth covered wrist. The contact made her wince. Yuuto noticed that she was cringing in pain. Then he noticed the arm warmer over Maiyu’s left wrist. What on earth happened?
Yuuto had an idea about what was under that striped fabric but he didn’t want to ask. He was too afraid to face the truth. And so, he ignored it. Yuuto, being the 177cm guy he was, looked down at the 150cm Maiyu to see that she was staring off into the distance at Ryosuke. Her eyes were glazed over and she looked lost. Yuuto’s heart fell when he noticed that she was paying zero attention to him. She was only focused on the fact that Miyabi was practically hanging off of Ryosuke’s arm. Yuuto noticed that Maiyu was squeezing her wrist and it wasn’t a loose grip either. It was like if she squeezed any harder, she would sever her wrist from the rest of her arm.
Yuuto grabbed Maiyu wrist and pulled her into the school. He knew that she still liked him. But like Maiyu towards Ryosuke, he had an unconditional love for her. He couldn’t let her go. He physically had her, and he wasn’t planning on letting that slip between his fingers either. Though, the title of girlfriend and boyfriend are merely words. In their relationship, there was only one sided feelings and Yuuto fully knew it. What was the point of them being together?
Yuuto ignored all of Maiyu’s protests and dragged her through the hallways, a dark expression on his face. He walked into the classroom and practically threw her into her seat. Throughout the journey to class, Maiyu was crying out in both pain and objections. The grip that Yuuto had on her wasn’t too gentle and it was the one time which Maiyu didn’t want to feel the physical pain as the cotton polyester blended fabric was scratching against her cuts. Tears were streaming down her eyes. Her wrist stung and was now throbbing. She was about to run out of the classroom when Ryosuke and Miyabi walked in hand and hand.
Unlike the time where Yuuto and Maiyu caused a huge ruckus in class, Ryosuke and Miyabi simply walked to their seats. They actually weren’t very…secretive about their relationship. The news actually went through the whole class earlier that morning and so the commotion already died down. Maiyu immediately dried her eyes and plastered on a fake smile. She didn’t want Ryosuke to be suspicious.
“Ohayou Ryo-chan!” Maiyu was good at hiding things from Ryosuke recently. When they were younger, nothing about her got past him. But now, with all his attention towards his new girlfriend, he let even the big things go by unnoticed.
“Ohayou Mai-chan!” he greeted her back just like any best friend would. Gosh was he ever blind. The real Ryosuke, the Ryo-chan who was Maiyu’s best friend, would have been able to look straight into her eyes and see how much she was suffering. Through the tone of her voice and the cheeriness of her actions, she was able to mask what she was truly feeling. Maiyu was putting on a façade that only her closest friend would be able to peel apart and yet that didn’t happen.
Just when Maiyu was getting used to being around Ryosuke again, Miyabi suddenly butted in. “Nee Ryo-chan, wasn’t there something you wanted to ask Nakajima-kun and Yoshida-chan?” ‘Ryo-chan’…wasn’t it only a name that Maiyu was allowed to use? Ryosuke RARELY let anyone call him ‘Ryo-chan’ even his family members! He was always called Yama-chan or just Ryosuke. This girl was taking over.
“Oh right!” he closed fist landed into his open palm, signalling that he just remembered. “A new restaurant opened up recently. My cousin works there and she said she could get us a discount. We should all go there together!”
By then, Yuuto moved his chair to the side of Ryosuke’s desk and was listening to the conversation that clearly included him. “What kind of event are we talking here?” Yuuto actually knew that Ryosuke was hinting at.
“Hmm…I guess you could call it a double date?” Miyabi suggested, her finger tapping on her nose showing that she was deep in thought. “Do you two want to come or not?”
Yuuto was unsure about agreeing to their little dinner part. Maiyu was obviously NOT over Ryosuke and it would have been better to decline the offer to protect her. Yet there was something in his mind that forced him to say ‘yes’.
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That Friday night, the group planned to meet at the restaurant. As Yuuto promised Maiyu earlier that day, he was standing outside of her front door at 6 o’clock sharp. They walked side by side towards the restaurant. It was late and the temperature outside was cooling down. A cold gust of wind blew and sent shivers up Maiyu’s spine.
“Are you cold?” Yuuto looked at her questioningly. Maiyu didn’t have a jacket.
“…No I’m fine,” she tried to be calm yet on the inside, her heart was going at 1000 beats per minute. She was nervous of course. Maiyu knew that she was in an unstable state and was pushing her limits by going on this date. She didn’t know how much she could handle of seeing Ryosuke and Miyabi together. Maiyu’s gaze was directed to the ground,
She heard shuffling to her left and felt a sudden weight on her back. Yuuto had taken off his jacket and draped it over her shoulders. Underneath the jacket, Yuuto was only wearing a thin t-shirt. Maiyu was worried and tried to take off the jacket to give it back to Yuuto but he spoke up before she could move.
“No, keep it on. You need it more than I do.” Yuuto walked a long perfectly fine. In Maiyu’s eyes, she always thought of him as a stick. Yuuto was a skinny, 177cm twig. She swore if the wind were any stronger, he would fly away.
It hurt Maiyu to see that Yuuto cared about her so much and here she was, stuck to Ryosuke. She felt bad especially because she knew that she was going to upset him in the end.
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When they got to the restaurant, Miyabi and Ryosuke were already sitting down and waiting. The pair quickly joined them. As Maiyu approached the table, she noticed that Ryosuke and Miyabi’s hands were linked under the purple table cloth. Maiyu inhaled deeply. She needed to be stronger. Suddenly she felt warmth on her hand. She looked up to see Yuuto grinning at her.
When they took their seats and ordered their food, the waiter came back five minutes later with a pot of tea. He set the pot onto the table and sensed some sort of tense aura around the table. The man dressed in a white dress shirt and black vest, quickly did a 360 on his heels and walked away has fast as he could.
Maiyu stood up and started to pour the tea. As she and Ryosuke were growing up, it was always her job to pour the tea. Ryosuke was way too clumsy and always managed to spill it. He also had the habit of grabbing his tea and drinking it when it was too hot. Maiyu eventually learned that she was never supposed to give him his glass right away.
Maiyu gave everyone their glasses except Ryosuke. She placed his glass right next to hers and sat down sipping her tea.
“Mai-chan! What the heck! Why don’t I get any?” he complained.
“Baka…you always end up burning yourself!” she scolded the whining teen who pouted.
“Nee…Maiyu…shouldn’t you just give it to him? I mean… I think he’s old enough to take care of himself…plus he has Fukuda-chan…” Yuuto tried to calm Maiyu down.
Maiyu realized what she was doing. She was still attached to Ryosuke. She was fed up with herself. Just WHY couldn’t she let go of him?! Maiyu’s head fell and she started shaking. She felt embarrassed and humiliated. The teacup in her hand started to shake with her and the hot liquid sloshed out onto her hand. But Maiyu didn’t cry out in pain. Of course she dropped the cup and it landed onto the table with a huge clunk. People were starting to stare as the young 16 year old teen was breaking down. Maiyu had her hand cradled to her chest, trying to hold in tears. She didn’t want to cry in front of him.
Yuuto stood up and patted Maiyu on the back. He helped her to stand and they started walking outside of the restaurant.
“I’m going to take her home.” Yuuto said to Miyabi and Ryosuke who looked absolutely dumbfounded. They looked out of the huge window of the restaurant and watched as Yuuto tried to calm Maiyu down.
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“Maiyu, what’s wrong?” he asked quietly.
“I….just can’t Yuuto…I just can’t get over him…” she sobbed. Maiyu would have never dreamed of letting Ryosuke see her break down like this but the place Yuuto stopped was right in front of the restaurant’s window. Ryosuke was watching everything.
“This again…Maiyu, I’ve…been trying to get him off your mind all this time…” he said sullenly, “I’m your boyfriend for heaven’s sakes! How can you think…of another guy?” he moved closer to Maiyu and tried to kiss her. Being vulnerable at the moment, he actually kissed her. It was the first kiss they shared as a couple but just like their relationship, it was one sided.
It took a few seconds for Maiyu to register in her mind what was going on. When it hit her, she suddenly pushed Yuuto away.
“No Yuuto! Ryo-chan will see!” the second those words left her mouth, she gasped and covered the place where the phrase came from. She didn’t mean to say that. It just slipped out.
“Oh…I see how it is…” Yuuto mumbled quietly. There was a flash of light followed by a rumble. Drops of rain started to fall on the two. It started to rain harder; drenching the two of them in a matter of seconds. “You’ve never thought about me…It’s always been Ryosuke, Ryosuke and Ryosuke. Don’t you see that you’re deteriorating from just watching him? I’ve tried to be supportive Maiyu. I’ve tried to help you get over him but no matter what, you’re not going to let go no matter what I do. I knew that our relationship was going to be one sided. But why did I keep pursuing you? But you know what they say. As long as the person you love is happy…so that’s why…I think we should break up Maiyu.” Yuuto didn’t make any eye contact with her. He just stared at his shoes which were slowly soaking up water. His hair was soaked and was sticking to his face. He didn’t even bother to try to move it. Before Maiyu could say anything Yuuto turned away and started walking home, leaving Maiyu there to cry in the middle of the street.
Ryosuke and Miyabi were watching the whole time. They were shocked. Why was Maiyu crying? Why did Yuuto just walk away from her? He saw her crouch down outside her face in her palms. He assumed that it was Yuuto who made her cry. Ryosuke felt the urge to jump up and chase after Yuuto to give him a good punch in the face, but he didn’t. He felt like going outside into the pouring rain and helping his best friend, but he didn’t. He just sat there.
Maiyu didn’t want to go back into the restaurant because she couldn’t and didn’t want to explain why she left in the first place. She decided that it was best to just go home. She was soaked from head to toe, her normally dead straight black hair now clumped in large strands because of the rain. Her shoes were soaked thoroughly and she was shivering. She walked home through the rain, her head looking down at the sidewalk as she slumped along. All around her, people continued on their way walking with umbrellas in hand. The occasional car was passing by, their headlights blinding Maiyu momentarily.
When she got home, she was all alone again, the silence in the house was deafening. It was so quiet, she could hear the rain outside. She walked up to her room and fell face down on her bed. She felt so numb. It wasn’t because of the fact that she was still soaking wet and freezing either. Not bothering to change clothes, she pulled out her treasured notebook and she started to write.
October 23rd 2009
Dear Diary,
Today sucks. I shouldn’t have gone out with Ryosuke, Fukuda-san and Yuuto. He broke up with me. He said I wasn’t paying enough attention to him. That all my focus was on Ryosuke. I hate myself. I hate how I’m too attached to him. I’m a burden too. I only hurt those who come near me. I’m better off dead.
I couldn’t say this to you Yuuto because you left me. I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I took your kindness for granted. I’m so stupid. You were in front of me the whole time and yet I only watched Ryosuke. We were boyfriend and girlfriend but it was one sided the whole time…I’m sorry for hurting you. I want to still be friends but I understand if you don’t want to ever see me again. I don’t know whether I’ll ever get over this love and I’m sorry to have agreed to be your girlfriend without fully thinking my feelings through. I’m such a freaking idiot.
I don’t know how I’ll be able to face anyone tomorrow. I’ve hurt Yuuto, I break down when I see Ryosuke and Fukuda-san…there’s no one else I can turn to anymore. I’m better off all alone anyway.
I truly wanted to get over him. I just had to. He’s happy with someone else right now and yet I don’t know why I can’t accept that. Seeing Fukuda-san with Ryosuke…it just makes me wish that I were her. It makes me wish that I were the one who makes him happy. The one who he’s always watching over. I used to be the one he watched over. We are…were best friends. What are we now anyway? He hasn’t talked to me lately…he’s spending all his time with her. I doubt that he even remembers that we’re friends. My mind tells me to give up, to stop fighting and to just move on, but my heart’s doing something completely different. I can’t stand this…
Maiyu closed her book and changed her clothes. She lay on her bed curled up in a ball, on top of covers, her weight wrinkling the fabric of the bed that she took time to properly make that morning. Her hair was slowly drying but still damp. She didn’t have the motivation to even towel dry it. The moisture was soaking into her blankets making the cold water, become warm as she laid down. It felt uncomfortable but she decided to live with it. Her head was throbbing. Probably because she was out in the rain too long. She didn’t feel like moving or she would have gotten up to take something for it. Feeling too tired, she fell asleep within a matter of minutes.
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*back at the restaurant*
Ryosuke and Miyabi were enjoying their dinner, not wanting to waste a perfectly good opportunity. They were quite oblivious to what was happening around them until Ryosuke felt something icy cold and wet on his pants. He stood up in shock from the cold feeling. The whole front of his pants were wet with ice cold water. A woman was watching with an apologetic face as she clutched her silver tray over her chest.
“OH MY GOD I AM SOOO SORRY!!!” she screamed in English. Her hair was cut in a short style that ended at her shoulders. Her thick black framed glasses were covered by her bangs. She wasn’t Japanese that was for sure. Her skin tone didn’t match the pale complexion of a Japanese person.
“CHANEL WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” a man in a black suit and tan coloured tie stormed out of the restaurant’s kitchen. He saw what had happened and was now yelling at the girl. “THREE YEARS! THREE YEARS AND YOU’RE STILL SPILLING THINGS ON CUSTOMERS!” the man was yelling in Japanese. It was obvious that the girl didn’t understand, yet she was still cringing from the volume of his voice, fully knowing that he was mad at her. “YOU CAN’T EVEN HOLD UP A TRAY! NO WONDER YOU’RE NOT READY TO BE A WAITRESS YET! CHANEL! YOU’RE FIRED!” Chanel was an immigrant from Canada. She barely understood Japanese, but knew enough to know that she wasn’t working there any longer. When her boss apologized to Ryosuke, he turned around looking like he was having a hissy fit, and stormed back into the kitchen.
Chanel tore off her apron and screamed in his direction in English. “YOU CHATCH OF A BOSS! F*** YOU!” she held up her middle finger. “YOU FAIL AS A BOSS! AND WHAT KIND OF JAPANESE GUY HAS THE NAME ‘FRANCOIS’ ?!”(A/N- no offense to ppl with that name) she put on an accent that resembled the way that her boss corrected her every time she mispronounced his name. The owner of that restaurant was from French decent but was more Japanese. He always liked showing off his French side because he thought people would think he was classy. But he was also gay and it wasn’t the ‘gay’ which teens use to describe something weird; he was actually homosexual. “BY THE WAY BOSS,” she stressed the word, “I SAW YOU MAKING OUT WITH ONE OF THE CHEFS! GAY CHATCH! I NEVER KNEW GUYS COULD BE BITCHES! WHAT? DO YOU HAVE PMS TOO? ONE DAY I’LL BRING A PACK OF SPARKLERS AND BLOW UP THIS PLACE!” Chanel stormed out of the restaurant and the customers all looked at each other, not knowing how to react to that kind of situation. There was one guy in the restaurant who said out of the blue, “Sparklers are explosive?...”