The Compensation of Passion
Title: The Compensation of Passion
Author: sen_nen_no_yuki
Pairing: Takaki x OC, Takaki x fc (Kato Rubi)
Rating: PG
Summary: Takaki’s current girlfriend sees him in a restaurant with another girl. The surprising thing is, that girl is Takaki’s ex and happens to look exactly like her!
Notes: I based this fic off of the song “Jonetsu no Daisho” by GIRL NEXT DOOR. Credits to the person who posted the lyric translation on JpopAsia. I know the Takaki Yuya and Kato Rubi scandal was almost two years ago…but I decided that it would be a nice twist to the story if she looked like Takaki’s current girlfriend… Ummm yea…she doesn’t really have a name…
BTW I’m taking requests for oneshots… check out my fanfiction index for details~
That jerk!
I could see him sitting with her, staring lovingly into her eyes, their hands joined across the table. They were in the restaurant that we always go to. The one with the huge window and all the pretty lights. They were sitting at a pale yellow covered table with a simple vase that held a single rose in the middle. The rose sat at the edge of the table, off centre. I could see that they moved the vase to out of the way just so they could hold hands. All the other tables surrounding them had the small obstruction in the centre of the tables, each holding a different coloured rose.
I looked at the girl’s face. I immediately recognized her as I could remember seeing her face off magazine covers and billboards. Kato Rubi. The girlfriend you had more than a year ago. I remember reading the tabloids. You were exposed through some purikura that got leaked onto the internet right? I thought you broke up with her for your careers. The fact that it’s “a pain to go out with a celebrity when you’re already one.” Then did you only go out with me because I wasn’t famous?
In the rumors of the wind,
I had heard something about you
That I look just like your ex-girlfriend
I didn’t notice it at first until a friend pointed it out to me. “You know… you look a lot like Kato Rubi nee?” she showed me a magazine. I didn’t believe her at first because there was no way I could be as pretty as an idol. Then she held up a mirror alongside the picture in the magazine. It was true. We shared a lot of the same facial features; the same warm and bright brown eyes, the same shaped nose, our similarities even went down to the same shaped eyebrows. After that day, I started to notice it more and more every time I saw her picture on advertisements. I’d be sitting alone on the bus or on the train and we would pass by a billboard. Or I’d be walking in Shibuya and I’d walk by a magazine with her face on the cover. After that, I would stare into anything that could show my reflection; store windows, mirrors, the cover of my iPod; I would try to tell myself “no, we don’t look alike.” But it never worked that way. I’d either have to stop looking in mirrors for the rest of my life, or get plastic surgery. Neither was going to happen. Nee Yuya, did you know I was even mistaken for her once? Is that why you decided to go out with me? Just because I could be her replacement?
Even though I do not know
How I really feel
I could not pretend I didn’t know
And I asked you…
I was shopping on a Saturday afternoon with my friend, like I always do. My focus was on a pink strapless dress in the window of my favourite store. It was actually kinda elaborate; not like my usual style. There were beads along the bodice and a flower pinned to the dress’ hip. You know Yuya, when I saw that dress, I thought about how cute I would look. I bought it planning to wear it on our next date. But I don’t think that’ll be anytime soon. My friend said she saw you pass by with another girl on your arm. She said she mistook her for me. But it wasn’t me. I was in the change rooms the whole time.
Nee Yuya, do you remember when I asked you if you were cheating on me? I needed an answer because I couldn’t sleep at night from worry. I needed to get the question across. I needed to ask you without cutting corners. I stuttered and rambled in the end nee? I thought you would be angry with me and ask if I trusted you. You weren’t. You simply said ‘no’ and moved on. I remember it was after a long day at the zoo. The sun was setting making the air look like it was coloured orange. I think it was pretty…I can’t remember. All that comes to mind is when you walked ahead with your back facing me. Your golden hair was reflecting the sunlight. It had been dyed so many times, curled, straightened and permed. I always joked that your hair would fall out one day from being tortured so much. That day the head you usually held so high was down and your hands were shoved into your pockets. I thought they were going to rip at the seams. After I asked you, things went spiralling downhill. Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything.
Is this flood of tears the compensation of passion?
You were so silent
I told myself this does not actually mean anything
It doesn’t mean anything but I still…
I was afraid to know the truth, my gut told me so. Every time I was with you after that day, the feeling would just get worse. It was to a point were just seeing you would make me queasy. I repeated to myself constantly that this whole thing was just me hallucinating. I hadn’t slept well for the past few weeks. I actually thought that asking you if you were unfaithful would help me sleep… but I was still tossing and turning at night. The days I managed to sleep, I’d end up having nightmares. I’d wake up in a cold sweat and have problems going back to sleep. Do you know what I always dreamt about? I dreamt that you were in front of me. There was a smile on your face and you were holding you hand out to me. But as I ran towards you, you kept getting further and further away. I’d get tired and stop running. You would scowl your ever so famous scowl. The scowl that was all over television when ‘Gokusen 3’ was first airing, it was the same look you had in my dream. Every time I saw that face on screen, I used to smile and giggle to myself, because I knew that you didn’t have the ability to glare like that in real life. But that was long ago. After that, in my dreams, you would pull your hand away. You would say ‘I hate you’, turn around and walk into darkness. I’d always try to follow you. I’d wander around helplessly before falling into a hole. Every time I was swallowed by darkness. It was what woke me up every night and forced me to stay awake, staring at the ceiling. I blamed my craziness on sleep deprivation. But I wasn’t hallucinating.
If I throw this pride away
I can stay by your side
But I can never forgive you…
I debated if I should have ran into the restaurant and yelled at you, screamed at you…anything so I could keep my pride. What kind of reputation would I get if I dated a player? Not a good one. But I thought about abandoning my pride, to ignore the fact that you were sitting before me, staring into the eyes of another girl. I think my sadness has overcome my rage. I could pretend that I didn’t see anything. With that I could stay with you nee? To ignore all the comments I’d get dating someone who was cheating on me. Yes, they all know. Everyone at school knows that you’re a player Yuya. When people heard that you confessed to me they all sympathized with me. “She’s so blind. I feel sorry for her.” I heard the whispers in the halls of school. No one was jealous that I was dating someone famous. They just all felt sorry for me. It’s going to be the same still. I won’t get that pat on the back for making you suffer. I won’t be congratulated for breaking it off with you. That’s because I won’t be the one right? We both know that I’m shy, quiet, and easy to persuade. Even if I throw my pride away though, I can never forgive you. Never.
I never wanted to hear you
Say the words “I’m sorry”
I just wanted you to see me
As what I really am
What makes her so special? I thought you loved me. Why would you leave me for her? I don’t ever want to hear you say “I’m sorry” because that it would that it’s over between us. That you’ve actually chosen her over me. I don’t want to see you looking glum before me, trying to break the news to me; that you’ve fallen for someone else. That you’re leaving me for her. You never cared about me have you Yuya? I could see it. At first you were nice; you held me in your arms protectively, were a gentleman and held doors open for me, comforted me when I was depressed…but you were pretending I was her all along right? You never saw the real me. I noticed it recently that your gaze would wander when I was talking to you; especially if we passed an ad with Kato-san in it. You were thinking about how much you wanted to be with her again…how I couldn’t be a perfect replacement because even though we look alike, were not the same person.
I had convinced myself that I shouldn’t trust you
But that wasn’t strong enough
What is your kindness really for?
Who is it for?
I am not there am I?
No matter what happened, I kept pushing my worries away. I put trust in you. I believe that you loved me. But now…that won’t happen. You’ve broken my trust. The kindness you gave me before… it was never for me. It was for her; my look alike. I personally wonder how you tricked yourself into thinking I was her. You know Yuya, I truly loved you. The more I watch you with her, sitting in that restaurant with the pale yellow table cloths and the thin vases I realize that my feels have changed. Now…I despise you Takaki Yuya.
Can’t you just say it’s not true?
Tell a lie and I would believe you
But you were never that smooth
That is why I fell for you
I thought I could trust you. Even when you said you weren’t cheating, I believed you. I was wrong. You were the one who confessed first. You were the one who bowed before me, asking if I wanted to be your girlfriend. I didn’t know you very well, but I had spent months watching you from afar. I got to know you more and more and I gradually fell for you. I fell for you because I trusted you. I thought that there was no way you could ever lie to me. I heard all the rumours but I still wanted to believe you had changed and you were a normal honest guy. Even if you had lied to me, I would have believed you. When I asked you on that day after our date at the zoo I believed you even then. I was stupid to have trusted you. If I had known I would be suffering so much I would have never said yes to you.
Is this flood of tears the compensation of passion?
So violently bitter, so desperately heartrending
I stood there watching you from across the street. You looked so happy with her. I was just an obstruction to that happiness. I figured that tomorrow, I would see you in front of me with you head down. You’re going to break up with me. But now I’ve decided that I won’t let that happen. As selfish as it sounds, I’m going to be the one to make you suffer; just like you’ve made me suffer. But then again, you’ve been selfish all along.
Then I decided. I walked across the street, the pavement striking my feet as I walked. Anyone could hear how angry I was by the sound of my heels. My eyes were brimming with tears. I didn’t want to do this…but I had to. I couldn’t be indecisive any longer. There was a rumble of thunder. I checked the weather report that morning. It was an unexpected storm. I wondered if the skies had known I was angry.
I walked into the restaurant and right by the host who looked like he had seen a ghost. I walked straight up to you. I can never forget the look that you hand in your eyes. You said, “I-I-It’s not what it looks like!” You panicked and that was the first thing that came out of your mouth. You stuttered. THE Takaki Yuya had stuttered. The Takaki Yuya who never loses his cool. I didn’t bother to respond. I had been watching for the past hour after all. You two sat there, ate dinner, fed each other, kissed and then were holding hands. “I hate you.” “I never want to see you again.” “You’re scum.” I could have said all of that. But I didn’t. Instead, my hand raised into the air. My fingers were open. And then my hand swung down towards your right cheek.
In this heart wondering with conflict
One answer stays.
“Goodbye”
Goodbye Takaki Yuya.
A/N- Minna Dou? Gomen nee...if i brought up something i shouldn't have in terms of the whole Takaki and Rubi thing... yea... i looked up the purikura...kato Rubi's actually really pretty nee? i don't know a lot about the previous scandal though so i'm sorry if some of the facts r wrong... Anyways... Comments to Criticisms ga daisuki desu kara~