(no subject)
Okay, so you're looking for a guy.
Bad news: Your search is almost hopeless.
Good news: I can help.
First off, let's list a few assumptions, since this is going to be done methodically and scientifically:
You are female.
You live in Portland.
You are looking for a male. (We'll get a little more specific in a bit.)
So far, so good. Now, let's look at the population of Portland, based on our last census (2003):
There are 529,121 people currently living in the city limits of Portland.
But!
There are approximately 2,009,350 people in the Portland metropolitan area. I just sextupled your chances! Lucky you.
But...I'm assuming you want a man. Thus we split it in a 49% male, 51% female ratio. This leaves you at 984,581.5 men, which I will round up to 984,582. Nobody wants half a guy.
Thats still pretty good, right? Well...lets work a little more.
We will have to subtract the men who "play for the other team". Of those 984,582 men, approximately 9% are gay. Thats 88612.35 gay men who will not work. Dont worry! Youre still left with 895,970 heterosexual, meat-eating beer-drinking men.
Oh noes! You don't want to be a mistress, right? So let's subtract married guys. 38.1% of men in Portland currently are wed. 341,364.57 guys. 554,605 guys left.
Now, you aren't looking for a dirty old man, are you? And you aren't a cradle robber, right? So lets look at the demographic of male heterosexual men between the ages of 16-20. 10.05% of those males are under 18. 5.15% between 18-24. Lets do some fuzzy math and say that 8% are between 16-20. 44,638 heterosexual males between 16-20 in the Portland metro area.
Now, currently about half of those are unemployed. You dont want a deadbeat guy that mooches money off of you, right?
That brings your total to 22,184.
Now, lets say you want a nice white guy. Hell, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and include Asians and Indians too. Those races make up 82.35% of the population. 18,268.524 nice white/asian/indian guys.
Let's take more scientific factors like the "asshole factor", "wigger slide rule", "ricer corollary" and the popular "face looks like a tree trunk theorem" and factor those in. Of those 18,269 guys, approximately 77% suffer from one of those problems.
6,029 guys now are good guys, right?
But alas! You don't want to drive all the way out to Gresham or Hillsburrito to get your Romeo? Well...that'll cost you too.
About 27% of those people live around my LJ audience area (Beaverton/NW Portland area)
1,628. Congrats. Youve pretty much got a SHS full of eligibile guys, right?
You wan't a man with humor. A man with intelligence. A man with wit. Not all of those fit the bill.
After my complex double half stack derivative triple regression inverse sine complex interleave plane function...
Only one fits the bill.
Thats me.
You know that old saying: "This guy is one in a million?" Well, I'm one in 2 million people! Can't beat that, now can you?
I know. I know. It's like you won the damn lottery or something.
Signed,
A romantic, successful, and attractive 6'0" 150 lb. Russian guy with a great sense of humor, wit, personality, and is single, and unmarried.
I also have nice eyes.