(fic) slow decay
exo | baekhyun/kyungsoo (past!baekhyun/chanyeol) | zombie au (PG - 13)
Salvation, Kyungsoo figured, lay all the way in China. All that was left was the letting go. (Warning: Mentions of gore, minor character death and violence)
word count: 6.7k
With a grunt Kyungsoo forced the stained door open, his arms still wrapped around Baekhyun’s shaking form. The latter’s fingers were still wound tightly around his gun, so tight that his knuckles were beginning to turn white, but his eyes remained blank and wide, staring and taking nothing in. Kyungsoo set him on the ground before closing the door behind him. A chest of drawers stood nearby, the wood just beginning to decay, and he used it to barricade the door.
The door had once been a rich maroon, Kyungsoo noted as he took a step back, studying the makeshift barrier. Its’ colour was now fading, from the bottom up, as if the door was slowly being consumed by something from the floor to the ceiling. He held his breath, keeping still, listening for the sounds of scratching or dragging beyond the door, and it was only when a minute had passed that he relaxed a little and turned his attention to Baekhyun.
The boy was still on the ground, trembling. Slowly, Kyungsoo took a step forward and knelt beside him. Baekhyun kept his eyes ahead and for one, horrible moment, Kyungsoo thought there was an Infected, but when he turned back around and surveyed the room he found no one.
“Baek..” He started softly, his voice breaking the silence of the room. He couldn’t remember the last time he had spoken, but it couldn’t have been that long ago. Yet, the action felt so foreign that he winced a little at the sound of his own voice.
Baekhyun didn’t respond, but he gradually stopped shaking, as if Kyungsoo’s voice had pulled him out of some sort of chilling reverie. Kyungsoo moved and took Baekhyun’s hands with his, carefully prying the gun from his cold fingers. He was met with no resistance.
Baekhyun’s forest green vest was splattered with dark red blood. The colour seemed to match that of the door. Kyungsoo put the gun on the ground beside the two of them, facing the muzzle away.
“Y-you saw him, right?” Baekhyun took a deep breath after he spoke, like it hurt him to talk, too, or that he was trying not to sob.
Kyungsoo couldn’t bring himself to nod. He simply looked away.
Baekhyun’s next breath was shaky. “Y-you saw him, r-right?” He repeated his question, an inaudible whisper.
“It wasn’t him, Baek.”
“Don’t say that!” Baekhyun reached out and grabbed Kyungsoo’s jacket, bunching the material up in his fists as he yanked Kyungsoo by the collar. Kyungsoo could see every tremble of his lips, every movement of his pupils as he searched Kyungsoo for something, every line of agony. He was weaker than Kyungsoo, but he wasn’t afraid.
And then he let go, falling back and letting his back hit the wall, slumping against it in defeat. Kyungsoo saw his eyes brim with tears before he covered his face with his hands, pulling his knees up to his chest, curling in on himself.
Back when he was still at the Seoul Checkpoint, Lu Han had told him something similar. “Once the people who you love start hurting you, they’re not the people who you love anymore,” he had said as he packed his bags. Lu Han was leaving for Hainan, an island that had been deemed isolated enough for its inhabitants to be safe while the Virus was due to pass. He’d gone through a lot of trouble securing a ticket for access to the Checkpoint there; an ugly scar ran down his cheek, serving as a permanent reminder. They hadn’t known each other for long, but Kyungsoo couldn’t shake off the feeling of abandonment as he watched Lu Han’s things disappear one by one from the bedside table into his bag. A long time ago he’d wondered how it was possible for two people to share one tiny dresser, but when only his things remained the dresser seemed too big, like the drawer itself was an abyss that could swallow him whole if he leaned too far out.
If Baekhyun was crying, Kyungsoo couldn’t hear his sobs. He watched as Baekhyun’s body twitched now and then with each jolting breath he took, his face hidden by his frail-looking hands. He gave up kneeling and sat down on the dusty floor, but he found himself unable to look away, as if doing so would hurt Baekhyun.
He’d probably figured Chanyeol had been lost to the Virus a long time before Baekhyun had. He hadn’t known Chanyeol, but Baekhyun talked about him so often that after a while Kyungsoo felt like he’d seen him before, maybe passed him once or twice on the streets, or taken the same bus as him. And maybe they had, if Chanyeol really frequented that music store in Daehangno as much as Baekhyun made it out. It had been the same one Kyungsoo purchased records from in his free time. The thought made him shiver.
Chanyeol had been one of the slower Infected, pupils light grey and unseeing as his mouth hung agape. He’d dragged his left leg as he walked, Kyungsoo remembered noticing it being bent at an odd angle. He wondered if he’d gotten it while he was alive, or after the Virus had gotten to him, or perhaps even during the process. They hadn’t meant to confront him, but when Kyungsoo turned to Baekhyun and saw the look in his eyes, everything seemed to lurch.
“Baekhyun!” He’d hissed as Baekhyun bolted out from their hiding spot, running towards Chanyeol. There were a couple other Infected in the area and they would definitely pick up on their presence now that they were in the open. He watched as Baekhyun stopped a couple meters behind Chanyeol and held his breath.
The Infected had been walking in the opposite direction, but when he’d heard Baekhyun’s footsteps he’d turned around. Kyungsoo didn’t know much about the Virus, but he knew the Infected possessed a dulled sense perception. Still, he’d heard stories of how they charged once they’d locked onto a target, driven by the primal need to infect that the Virus instilled in its’ victims, and he quickly loaded his gun, ready to shoot in the event that Chanyeol decided to charge.
“C-Chanyeol?” He heard Baekhyun say. The skin on Chanyeol’s face appeared purplish-grey, with odd bumps on his cheeks and forehead, as if the veins under the skin were attempting to burst forth. There was a long, deep gash across his face, as if something had struck him. As soon as he faced Baekhyun he stopped, as if trying to sense the source of the noise. He poised his gun.
Baekhyun took a step back, the movement rustling a stray newspaper. Chanyeol hissed at the noise, bearing jagged teeth, his whole body tensing up. He started to charge and Kyungsoo’s adrenaline kicked in, heart racing, but before he could pull the trigger there were two gunshots.
As he rose from his hiding spot, he saw Baekhyun lowering his gun as Chanyeol fell. The compound seemed to come alive with the sound of the shot, and the hair on the back of Kyungsoo’s neck stood as he heard the grotesque clicks and squelches of the other Infected as they made their way towards them. Baekhyun was still rooted to the spot, horror-struck at the body in front of him.
The bullets had pierced two holes in Chanyeol: one at his heart, and one at his head.
Wordlessly, Kyungsoo had grabbed Baekhyun and pulled him along towards the buildings. When he glanced back, two new Infected had rounded the corner, but instead of charging at them he saw their attention was turned to Chanyeol. They’d made their way toward the body, leering at their fallen kind, and Kyungsoo remembers the way his stomach had lurched as the two of them began to devour the remains.
At present, in the room, Kyungsoo reached into his pocket and pulled out a small notebook and a pencil. He flipped to a new page and wrote down ‘Cannibals’, underlining it several times. The scene replayed in his head once more as he stared at the word and he quickly kept the notebook, stalling the nausea.
Baekhyun had curled up against the wall, eyes closed. Outside, the sun was beginning to set, and Kyungsoo could make out faint tear tracks on Baekhyun’s dusty cheeks. He appeared to have fallen asleep, exhausted. With a soft sigh Kyungsoo tugged his jacket off and folded it before lying down, pillowing his head with it. He didn’t sleep easily, too accustomed to the idea of staying up late and keeping watch from when they’d had to sleep out in the open, and he figured it was probably long past midnight before his eyelids grew heavy and he fell asleep.
☣
They set off again at noon, Baekhyun’s eyes still red and rimmed with shadows. He might have slept more than Kyungsoo but it didn’t appear like it was enough, the way his steps were slow and he kept his head on the ground. At times his body seemed to sway like a pendulum, and if Kyungsoo didn’t focus his movements matched that of an Infected. The thought made him shiver.
The idea was to make their way further up north, where it was colder and less populated. If the Virus had started from the tropics and spread rapidly across the equator, then Kyungsoo figured their chances of survival increased exponentially the further from the line they went. They were to make their way to a port somewhere northwest of Seoul, where a boat would be able to ferry them to Qingdao. From there, they would be able to make their way to the Beijing Checkpoint. Winter was already beginning to settle in in the upper hemisphere, the wind beginning to make them shiver when it picked up. They’d been travelling for about ten days now, their supplies beginning to deplete, and now that Baekhyun had fired his last two shots they were all the more vulnerable with only Kyungsoo’s gun.
A gust of wind blew again, and Kyungsoo hugged the weapon closer to his chest while Baekhyun pulled his jacket tighter around himself. There were still splatters of blood on it, Kyungsoo noticed, but they looked a little more faded, as if Baekhyun had tried to scrub the stains off while he wasn’t aware.
“We’ll reach the port soon,” Kyungsoo found himself saying. “Maybe three days more and we’ll start seeing signs.”
Baekhyun didn’t seem affected by the news, keeping his head down and focusing on his steps. He was clearly preoccupied with something much more grievous.
“Do you think he knew?” He heard Baekhyun say softly. “That I was the one who shot him?”
Kyungsoo glanced over at Baekhyun. The other looked at him sadly.
“No,” he said, stepping over some stray debris, “I don’t think he knew.”
It was a while before Baekhyun spoke again. “D-do you think he would have shot me? If our places had been reversed?”
Kyungsoo bit his lip, taken aback by the question. He wasn’t used to this side of Baekhyun. Baekhyun had been a straight-talker, always honest and expressive but also quick on his feet. He wasn’t sure what Baekhyun was asking, right now. If Baekhyun was seeking solace in his replies, he didn’t know how to phrase them coherently.
“I think..” he began hesitantly, “I think he would have done what was best.”
“So he would have shot me, then?”
Kyungsoo stopped and turned around, facing Baekhyun. “I think he would have done what was necessary for his survival. You said the both of you always talked about it, right? Staying alive?”
Something in Baekhyun seemed to click at the mention of their past conversations. Kyungsoo noticed but continued, softer, “I think he would have done whatever it took to kept himself alive.”
If Baekhyun was going to cry, Kyungsoo couldn’t tell. That was one of the things about Baekhyun that he hadn’t quite figured out yet, why he tried to hide his tears so much, when he was so open about everything else. Baekhyun’s eyes grew downcast, and Kyungsoo waited for him to scream at him again, but then he felt something cold his his cheek. He flinched and brought his hand up, drawing his hand away and examining his fingers. Rain, he realized. It was raining.
And it hadn’t rained in two months.
More drops pelted down on them, growing faster and more frequent. “Shit,” Kyungsoo muttered, slinging his gun over his shoulder as he grabbed Baekhyun’s hand, running blindly to the nearest set of buildings. They were soaked to the bone by the time they made it, shivering and panting. Kyungsoo spotted a nearby staircase, blocked by larger debris, and began pulling what he could away to gain access to the staircase.
“What are you doing?” Baekhyun asked, eyes warily scanning the area for any Infected.
“Flash floods,” Kyungsoo explained, tossing some stray cardboard boxes aside. “We need to get to higher ground right now. It’s-”
He was interrupted by the sound of an inhuman shriek and the clicking of tongues, and a particularly ugly Infected appeared at the top of the stairs, teeth bared and growling. The remnants of her pink dress were now almost grey, and her physique resembled that of a skeleton, but Kyungsoo knew her strength was anything but weak. He froze, heart pounding.
It was unclear if she had sensed his presence or not. The rain lashed against the building and windows, echoing around the compound, and he wondered if the sound was loud enough to drown out anything else. All those who were Infected became blind, a factor that seemed to strengthen their other senses due to their reliance on them in the absence of sight. Kyungsoo watched as she seemed to sniff the air, her grey eyes growing wider as they focused on the spot where Kyungsoo was standing, making his blood run cold.
He reached for his gun and she shrieked at him again, as if she had picked up on the tap of his fingers against it. He let out a cry of horror as she began to charge at him, but just as she lunged, Baekhyun appeared and swung a broken chair at her, the sharp, jagged ends cutting into her flesh. She let out another grating cry and Baekhyun grunted as he hit her again, the chair cracking with the force. This time the blow was to her head and she fell, gurgling and disoriented.
Kyungsoo watched as Baekhyun repeated the motion, slamming the chair on the Infected again. Her body twitched with the impact before she lay limp, presumably dead.
“You okay?” Baekhyun croaked, looking back at Kyungsoo. They usually shot at any Infected they encountered if they had to, and the close encounter had Baekhyun visibly shaken. Outside, the rain continued lashing down and there was a particularly loud clap of thunder, making the both of them jump.
“Fine,” Kyungsoo breathed, equally affected by the attack. “Sorry, I should have shot-”
“We need to save the ammo,” Baekhyun shook his head before looking back down at the broken body.
The water was beginning to flow into the ground floor just as Kyungsoo ascended the stairs, coming to a stop beside Baekhyun. The woman’s mouth hung open in a silent scream. She seemed to be one of the older Infected, judging by the decay present on her skin, beginning to eat away at her cheek. The rest of her was grey and dull, almost reminiscent of those zombies in the movies Kyungsoo used to watch as a child. There was definitely nothing artificial about her, though, and the thought made Kyungsoo feel a lot more terrified.
“Think there are any more?” Baekhyun asked, looking up at the stairs. A little bulb hung at the top, solitary and eerie despite its’ warm glow. There was another clap of thunder outside and the rain seemed to pour down harder.
“Doubt it. They’d have come by now.” Kyungsoo continued ascending the stairs, keeping his finger near the trigger of the gun. True enough, the upper floor was devoid of Infected and people. They sat down in one of the rooms and Kyungsoo watched as Baekhyun pulled out a bottle from his backpack.
“How long has it been since it started raining?” He asked, going to the window.
“Maybe two, three minutes,” Kyungsoo shrugged. He watched as Baekhyun opened the window and uncapped his bottle, sticking it out into the rain. He bit his lip.
“Is that safe?”
“Honestly? I don’t know. But it’s better than nothing.” The bottle filled up slowly, but Baekhyun was patient. “Want me to fill yours too?” He held out his free hand.
Kyungsoo passed his bottle wordlessly and watched as Baekhyun held it out of the window. They’d met under similar circumstances, he recalls, when Baekhyun had wandered into the Seoul Checkpoint, eyes darting around him. Kyungsoo wasn’t exactly the friendly type, but something about Baekhyun had made him approach him.
Baekhyun came over and sat down in front of Kyungsoo handing him back his now-full bottle. “Wait a while and let any heavy particles settle at the bottom,” he instructed, putting his own aside. Usually, after similar bits of knowledge, Baekhyun would explain that it was something Chanyeol had taught him, but this time he left that part out. Whether it was because the information was really unattributed to Chanyeol, or that his memory still pained Baekhyun, Kyungsoo couldn’t tell.
“Do you remember how we met?” He found himself asking.
A small smile came to Baekhyun’s face. “You asked me if I needed help and I said I was thirsty.”
“You really were, though.” Kyungsoo recalled Baekhyun downing the bottle of water in one shot as soon as it was handed to him.
“I walked for two days straight,” Baekhyun confesses, lowering his head, the smile becoming sadder on his face at the memory. “Of course.”
“Sorry,” Kyungsoo said, biting his lip, “I didn’t mean to-”
“No, no. It’s alright. I want to talk about it anyway,” Baekhyun paused. “I think it’ll help.”
Kyungsoo stayed quiet, waiting for Baekhyun to continue. The other kept his eyes on the ground as he spoke.
“We got split up somewhere outside of Seoul. There were too many of them, almost like...like an army, or an ambush or something. It was a war-zone. People screaming and running…” Baekhyun’s eyes seemed to glaze over. “Chanyeol...wanted to look for his family. It was the reason we were in that district, you know? Because he had so much hope…” He lapsed back into silence for a moment before continuing.
“It was kind of why I stuck to him. I mean, we were dating yeah, sure, but...I mean as a person...he was like a light. I thought that I would lose it if I wasn’t around him, especially when the world was- is in the state that it is. He always talked to me about living but the truth is...he was what I was living for.”
Kyungsoo saw Baekhyun’s eyebrows furrow, like he was having trouble with his thoughts. “He said he would meet me at the Checkpoint. So I just kept walking, hoping that maybe I’d see him along the way, or that once I made it I would see him standing there, maybe even with his family. But when I got there…” His voice trailed off.
“And then the next day the Checkpoint was attacked,” Kyungsoo said. He remembered it, how their safe haven had been breached, a horde of them charging towards the place at full speed, like they’d tracked them down. He and Baekhyun had been fortunate enough to get out of the chaos alive, let alone with their belongings.
“I think I knew,” Baekhyun said, voice growing soft. “That he was..you know. But I couldn’t believe it, not completely. That was me trying to be hopeful, I guess, trying to be like him.”
The sound of the rain against the roof seemed to slow. Baekhyun looked up at Kyungsoo after a while, and Kyungsoo found himself unable to look away. The corners of his mouth pulled up in a gentle smile, and Baekhyun’s expression softened.
The light outside drew Kyungsoo’s attention and he looked out the window. The sky remained grey but it seemed a little less dull. “We should go,” he said.
☣
They picked up what they could along the journey. Baekhyun acquired a crowbar and a blade, which he fixed together with stray pieces of cloth and rope that they found. Kyungsoo was also lucky enough to stumble upon two more bullets. They didn’t seem to be able to be loaded into his gun, but he kept them anyway. Ammunition was hard to come by these days.
Kyungsoo checked his compass once more to make sure they were going the right way. It wasn’t a skill he was particularly good at, but it was better than nothing.
“Look!”
There was a sign. PORT, it read, three days away. Someone had scrawled ‘TO SAFETY’ beside the words ‘PORT’. Kyungsoo bit his lip.
Baekhyun seemed to sense his uncertainty. “We’re almost there. Come on,” he urged. Kyungsoo kept his compass back into his pocket and the two of them continued walking. He hoped they would be able to make the boat on time. It was unclear how frequent the boat ferried passengers back and forth from Korea to Qingdao, and there was no way of knowing until they got there.
The path seemed to become less and less clear, and by nightfall they found themselves in an almost desolate wasteland. The temperature was beginning to drop, and Baekhyun was desperately trying to pull his sleeves over his hands.
“We really should f-find gloves,” he said, his teeth beginning to chatter. Kyungsoo chuckled softly but didn’t say anything, stuffing his hands further into his pockets. Baekhyun was right. If they were headed to colder ground, they’d need to stock up on warmer clothes. He looked around the place but all he saw were pages of newspaper tumbling in the wind or other rubbish of the like, and if they ever came across cloth it tended to be shredded and too small to cover a mere finger.
They walked a little more before Kyungsoo spotted a light in the distance. There were people gathered around it, their forms mere silhouettes, and Kyungsoo realized it was a fire. Baekhyun nearly broke out into a sprint when Kyungsoo grabbed his arm, stopping him.
“Wait, we have to be careful. They might not be very friendly.”
Baekhyun bit his lip and nodded, falling back into place beside Kyungsoo. The two of them made their way toward the fire hesitantly, but Kyungsoo was a little more relieved when he saw that those gathered around the flames were human. They were around two meters away, close enough to feel the edges of warmth, when the people around the fire looked up at them. Almost immediately, the one nearest to them jumped up, and Kyungsoo found himself staring down the barrel of a gun. Baekhyun gripped his arm as if to yank him away, but Kyungsoo held his ground.
He raised his hands as if surrendering. “Sorry to sneak up on you. We were just passing through and wanted to warm ourselves up a bit.”
As his eyes adjusted to the light he saw that the person holding the gun was a boy, particularly tall for his age. His eyes were sharp and focused, but Kyungsoo sensed that he wasn’t accustomed to holding a gun very much, let alone firing. Baekhyun maintained his vice-like grip on his arm.
“It’s alright, Sehun-ah,” one of the others spoke, stepping forward. The air of hostility surrounding them seemed to diminish just a little. The man who spoke had a gentle, persuasive voice, and he was around Kyungsoo’s height when he came up to stand in front of them. He put a hand on Sehun’s arm and the boy glanced at him before lowering the gun a little reluctantly.
“Sorry about that. I’m...Suho.” Kyungsoo noted the pause. Suho held out his hand and Kyungsoo moved to shake it, but Baekhyun was still holding onto his arm. He looked at Baekhyun, who took a moment before letting go.
“Kyungsoo,” he said, shaking Suho’s hand. Baekhyun did the same, introducing himself. He noticed Suho was wearing gloves.
“Travelling north?” Suho asked, sitting back down by the fire. The others made room for them to sit down and they accepted it, although Kyungsoo noted when Baekhyun leaned toward him a little more than he did towards them, as if he was trying to maintain a space.
“To the port, actually,” Kyungsoo said.
Suho raised his eyebrows. “Really?”
Kyungsoo found his surprised expression a little unnerving. “Yeah. We’re headed for Beijing.”
“You don’t look Chinese,” one of the others seated at the fire said. Kyungsoo observed his face.
“You don’t look Korean.” It was Baekhyun who replied instead. The man returned the comment with a smug smile that unsettled Kyungsoo. He leaned in toward Baekhyun a little more.
“Where are you going?” He asked Suho, changing the subject.
Suho shrugged a little. “Somewhere south, probably. We’re mostly just trying to keep out of harm’s way.”
“You’re just going to hide out here?”
“There’s not much else to do,” the boy who’d pointed the gun at them -- Sehun, was it? -- spoke up. Kyungsoo nodded, mostly to himself. He disagreed, but he kept his mouth shut. They needed the fire right now.
“What’re you headed to Beijing for?” One of the unnamed strangers asked.
“We..” Kyungsoo paused, glancing over at Baekhyun. They hadn’t actually discussed plans after reaching Qingdao, let alone Beijing. That point had seemed too far away for planning. “It’s safer there,” he said instead.
“Is it?”
“At least, that’s what I’ve heard,” Kyungsoo lied. “We’re waiting for the storm to pass, too. Just… a little more extreme, I guess.”
“You’ll need money for the boat,” Suho said. Kyungsoo bit his lip. He’d anticipated it somewhat, the only problem was that they didn’t have money.
“We’ll trade,” Suho offered. No one else in the team seemed to protest. Kyungsoo wondered if they’d stepped into some elaborate scheme, but they didn’t have much choice right now. He wasn’t sure how much he trusted Suho, but having a little bit of money sounded better than nothing.
“Name what you want,” Kyungsoo said. Beside him, Baekhyun didn’t protest either.
“Your rifle,” Sehun interjected.
Kyungsoo stiffened a little. “Is that all?”
The first stranger who had spoken to them murmured something to his companion and the two of them seemed to laugh amongst themselves. Baekhyun shifted uncomfortably at his seat.
“With ammunition,” Sehun said. Kyungsoo glanced down at the rifle in his hands, weighing the possibilities. Keeping the rifle could mean staying in Korea, but it could increase their chances of being infected. It was no coincidence they’d been running into more and more Infected throughout their journey. Selling the rifle would get them out, but they would be almost completely unequipped.
Baekhyun looked at him but didn’t say anything. Kyungsoo turned the gun over his hands. Lu Han had given it to him just before he left, saying that he no longer had any use for it. He seemed to trust Hainan completely, giving Kyungsoo the impression that anywhere but Seoul was safe. The fire crackled, snapping him out of his thoughts. Suho looked at him expectantly.
“Okay,” he said, holding out the gun. Sehun immediately got up and took it, as if he was responsible for all weapons. Suho pulled out a couple dollar bills from his pocket and counted, and Kyungsoo was more taken by the fact that he was in possession of dollar bills, let alone what seemed to be a large number of them.
“Here,” Suho said, and Kyungsoo took the money, stuffing it into his pocket. He felt a lot more vulnerable without his rifle, currently in Sehun’s hands. The boy seemed to be marvelling at the craftsmanship, and Kyungsoo found himself wondering if Lu Han would mind that he gave it away.
☣
Morning found himself in Baekhyun’s arms. They seemed to have intertwined themselves in their slumber by the fire, probably in an attempt to keep warm. Baekhyun was still sound asleep as he sat up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. The fire seemed to have already been extinguished, and the others were nowhere to be found. For a moment, Kyungsoo panicked, grabbing his backpack and checking if they’d taken anything else. He sighed with relief when everything seemed to be in place.
It was already daylight, and Kyungsoo guessed it was almost noon, which meant they’d lost half a day. He bit his lip and shook Baekhyun gently, trying to wake him up.
“Baek,” he murmured. “Come on. We have to go.”
Baekhyun stirred before groaning. He reached out and caught Kyungsoo’s hand, pulling it closer to him. “Five more minutes,” he mumbled. He snuggled closer to Kyungsoo’s form, and something about it made Kyungsoo feel as if the world had slowed around them. Baekhyun looked a lot so much more at peace with the world when he was asleep. Kyungsoo wondered what he dreamt about.
It was times like these when he found himself wondering what it would be like if they had met back in Seoul, before the Virus had reached. The sky would have been blue, he realized, and that thought alone was enough to make him feel as if he was dreaming of a distant, non-existent time. There wouldn’t be blood on their clothes, or weapons on their backs, and they would be free to roam as they pleased. He ran his thumb over Baekhyun’s knuckles and then stopped himself, realizing what he was doing. Baekhyun didn’t stir, but Kyungsoo drew his hand back, feeling as if he’d infringed on something. That reality he was thinking of was no more.
He waited two minutes before shaking Baekhyun again. Baekhyun groaned but conceded, pushing himself up, wiping the dirt off his face. He squinted as his eyes adjusted to the sunlight and Kyungsoo handed him his bottle of water. They were already down to their last couple mouthfuls.
“Where’d the others go?” Baekhyun asked as he got up, still a little half-dazed.
“No idea,” Kyungsoo confessed, gathering his things. “Come on, we have to get to the port by tomorrow or we might miss the boat.”
Baekhyun yawned. “You don’t get seasick, do you?”
Kyungsoo smiled a little to himself at the simplicity of the question. “Why, do you?”
“I don’t know. Never been on a boat before.”
“Seriously?” Kyungsoo raised his eyebrows. “You spent your whole life just..here?”
Baekhyun shrugged. “Pretty much. I’ve never known any place other than Seoul.” He grew quiet after that. A part of Kyungsoo wanted him to reach out and hold his hand, but he wasn’t brave enough.
By mid-afternoon they’d finished most of their water and came across a couple more buildings. Most of them seemed deserted, with their windows smashed in, and the whole place had a terribly eerie quality. Kyungsoo moved to unsling his rifle, but when his fingers caught only air he remembered the night before and he couldn’t help but feel a pang of regret. He hadn’t realized how much more secure having a weapon made him feel.
The sound of a low growl stopped them in their tracks as they began to round a corner. Kyungsoo put his arm out in front of Baekhyun as if he was the one with the weapon, and not the other way around. As he peered around the block he spotted two Infected a couple feet away from them. He bit his lip and held up two fingers at Baekhyun.
“Can we go around them?” Baekhyun whispered. Kyungsoo shook his head, keeping his eyes on them. They were both stooped over, limbs long and gangly. A couple of times they seemed to look in his direction and he’d shudder, fear gripping him before he remembered they were blind. These were the least human-looking Infected he’d seen so far, and he wondered if the Virus was beginning to mutate.
They began to draw near and Kyungsoo pulled himself out of sight, pressing himself up against the wall as much as possible. Baekhyun mirrored his actions, his fingers gripping his makeshift weapon. The Infected passed them and Kyungsoo held his breath, listening to the odd clicking sound they were known to make.
It was only after their long shadows disappeared out of sight that he grabbed Baekhyun and ran as fast as his legs could carry him. The rest of the compound seemed deserted, but the fact that the Infected had looked so foreign and so much more menacing made him a lot more terrified than usual. They were almost out when three more Infected appeared out of nowhere and Kyungsoo fell in his attempt to turn back.
“Shit,” he hissed, scraping his palms on the asphalt. The Infected let out equally high-pitched screams at them and Kyungsoo and Baekhyun covered their ears, wincing. Baekhyun tried to help Kyungsoo up but the Infected started charging and he had no choice but to leave him, instead running forward and trying to fight them off.
“Baekhyun!” Kyungsoo yelled in panic. Baekhyun swung blindly at the Infected but these mutated ones seemed faster and more agile, dodging most of his blows. Kyungsoo watched in horror as their bared their razor sharp teeth at Baekhyun. It was three against one. He wasn’t going to make it.
Kyungsoo dug into his bag and found his now empty bottle. He took aim and threw as hard as he could, hitting one of the Infected right on the head. It turned around, hissing angrily at him, and Kyungsoo gulped. He hoisted his backpack onto his shoulder and pushed himself up. He ran to the buildings, trying to draw the Infected away from Baekhyun.
“Shit shit shit,” he muttered, searching for anything else to defend himself with. The Infected was already injured from his previous hit, but now it was angry, and it was charging at him. Kyungsoo scrambled up a crumbling flight of stairs, clumsily jumping over a break between the flight and landing, rolling over to jar his shoulder. The Infected continued up the flight at full speed, not noticing the gap. It fell through almost immediately but grabbed Kyungsoo’s foot at the last minute, dragging him down with it. Kyungsoo cried out in alarm as he began to slide forward. He reached out and grabbed onto the handrail with much difficulty just before his whole body was pulled over, and he winced as his body was slammed into the wall with the momentum of the sudden halt.
The Infected seemed unable to pull itself up, clicking and shrieking as it struggled. Kyungsoo grunted and tried to shake it off, kicking at it as hard as he could, but to no avail. “Get off!” He hissed, trying to swing the Infected towards the wall, but the creature was too heavy. Kyungsoo could already feel his grip on the handrail slipping.
“Kyungsoo!” Baekhyun ran up the stairs, clothes splattered with some dark-coloured unrecognizable substance. He raised his makeshift javelin and stabbed the blade at the Infected, causing the creature to howl in pain. Kyungsoo winced at the sickening squelch. Baekhyun grimaced and did it again, this time at the creature’s head, and the Infected released Kyungsoo’s foot, falling down.
“Baek- AH!” Baekhyun grabbed onto Kyungsoo’s hand just as he lost his grip. He pulled Kyungsoo up onto the staircase and the two of them collapsed on the dusty ground in exhaustion, the adrenaline still rushing through them. Kyungsoo’s ankle throbbed in pain but he rested his hand over his heart, feeling it beat against his chest.
“That was too close,” Baekhyun said breathily. Kyungsoo’s heart pounded as he lay beside him, staring at the roof. There were holes in the shelter, through which he was able to see the sky, and for a moment he thought he saw patches of blue, as if they were back in Seoul and he and Baekhyun were lying on the grass at the park, watching the clouds go by. As if the world wasn’t crumbling around them.
☣
The wind started to pick up as they left a while later. The two of them huddled together, shivering with the breeze. Baekhyun jammed his hands into the pockets of his filthy vest as best as he could, while Kyungsoo hid his in his jacket. At the rate they were going, he figured that if the Virus didn’t kill them, the weather would get to them first. Only one more thing to worry about.
“Here,” Baekhyun said, taking his hand in his. He slid their hands into one of his vest pockets, and Kyungsoo felt a lot warmer. “Jeez, Soo, you’re freezing.”
“Thanks,” he mumbled. “You know Qingdao’s going to be a lot colder than this.”
“Good thing you have me then,” Baekhyun replied, and when Kyungsoo glanced up he saw Baekhyun’s lips curling into a smile. He felt something stir in him.
“You know I never thanked you,” Baekhyun continued, not noticing Kyungsoo’s gaze.
“What for?”
“For saving my life. I wouldn’t be here if you hadn’t yanked me out of that mess at the Checkpoint.” He seemed to shudder a little at the memory. Kyungsoo didn’t blame him.
“I’m sure you would have done the same,” Kyungsoo replied.
Baekhyun paused, lowering his head a little. “No, I wouldn’t have,” he admitted softly, and when Kyungsoo looked at him he continued, “not in the state that I was in then.”
“I’m not like you, you know,” Baekhyun said, looking up at Kyungsoo. “I’m not that strong... I don’t think anyone is.”
Kyungsoo can’t remember who leaned in first, but they had kissed, then. He was unfamiliar with the action, but he moved with Baekhyun, eyes closed. Maybe it wasn't the right thing to do, but it hadn't been wrong. Right here, right now, Kyungsoo only had Baekhyun and Baekhyun only had Kyungsoo, and that was all that mattered. He reached up and cupped Baekhyun’s cheek, fingers stroking gently, before Baekhyun whined a little and pulled away, cheeks flushed.
“Your hands are freezing,” he explained, but he was smiling and Kyungsoo laughed, the sound bubbling out of him.
☣
They reached the port by dawn, having walked through the night. Kyungsoo stumbled a little, more exhausted than usual, but Baekhyun’s tight grip on his hand steadied him each time. As Suho had stated, there was indeed a price for tickets, and they discovered he’d given them the exact amount for two. Kyungsoo frowned a little at the realization but pushed the thought away, paying for the tickets. There was no looking back now.
As they waited to board they met a boy named Zitao, who’s happy expression stood out against the grim faces of everyone else in the line. “I’m going home,” he explained, and for a moment Kyungsoo wondered if he was aware of the Virus, but Zitao continued, “I’m going to get my family and then we’ll head to Beijing together, for the Checkpoint.”
“They’re waiting for you?” Kyungsoo asked.
Zitao nodded. “They promised they would. You’ll love Qingdao,” he said, then beamed, “You can come with me if you want! Since we’re headed the same way. Safety in numbers, after all.”
They boarded the boat just as the sun peeked out over the horizon. The deck was a little cramped, but Kyungsoo decided it could have been worse. He looked back as the boat left the port, left the wastelands and abandoned suburbs crawling with disease and death. He wondered how long it would be before they saw land again.
Beside him, Zitao continued talking of a beautiful scenery and warmth and loads of good food. Kyungsoo reached out and took Baekhyun’s hand, squeezing it gently. He knew nothing about what lay ahead of them and yet, he felt oddly hopeful.
-- massive thank you to everyone who spurred me on with this fic ;; especially reeza onyu who took it upon herself to enable me with all things baeksoo. (did I say enable I mean torture)
-- also thank you to my usual beta, min! ♡
-- title and cut taken from slow decay by dashboard confessional
-- why do I write these kinds of fics during CNY huh why
Salvation, Kyungsoo figured, lay all the way in China. All that was left was the letting go. (Warning: Mentions of gore, minor character death and violence)
word count: 6.7k
With a grunt Kyungsoo forced the stained door open, his arms still wrapped around Baekhyun’s shaking form. The latter’s fingers were still wound tightly around his gun, so tight that his knuckles were beginning to turn white, but his eyes remained blank and wide, staring and taking nothing in. Kyungsoo set him on the ground before closing the door behind him. A chest of drawers stood nearby, the wood just beginning to decay, and he used it to barricade the door.
The door had once been a rich maroon, Kyungsoo noted as he took a step back, studying the makeshift barrier. Its’ colour was now fading, from the bottom up, as if the door was slowly being consumed by something from the floor to the ceiling. He held his breath, keeping still, listening for the sounds of scratching or dragging beyond the door, and it was only when a minute had passed that he relaxed a little and turned his attention to Baekhyun.
The boy was still on the ground, trembling. Slowly, Kyungsoo took a step forward and knelt beside him. Baekhyun kept his eyes ahead and for one, horrible moment, Kyungsoo thought there was an Infected, but when he turned back around and surveyed the room he found no one.
“Baek..” He started softly, his voice breaking the silence of the room. He couldn’t remember the last time he had spoken, but it couldn’t have been that long ago. Yet, the action felt so foreign that he winced a little at the sound of his own voice.
Baekhyun didn’t respond, but he gradually stopped shaking, as if Kyungsoo’s voice had pulled him out of some sort of chilling reverie. Kyungsoo moved and took Baekhyun’s hands with his, carefully prying the gun from his cold fingers. He was met with no resistance.
Baekhyun’s forest green vest was splattered with dark red blood. The colour seemed to match that of the door. Kyungsoo put the gun on the ground beside the two of them, facing the muzzle away.
“Y-you saw him, right?” Baekhyun took a deep breath after he spoke, like it hurt him to talk, too, or that he was trying not to sob.
Kyungsoo couldn’t bring himself to nod. He simply looked away.
Baekhyun’s next breath was shaky. “Y-you saw him, r-right?” He repeated his question, an inaudible whisper.
“It wasn’t him, Baek.”
“Don’t say that!” Baekhyun reached out and grabbed Kyungsoo’s jacket, bunching the material up in his fists as he yanked Kyungsoo by the collar. Kyungsoo could see every tremble of his lips, every movement of his pupils as he searched Kyungsoo for something, every line of agony. He was weaker than Kyungsoo, but he wasn’t afraid.
And then he let go, falling back and letting his back hit the wall, slumping against it in defeat. Kyungsoo saw his eyes brim with tears before he covered his face with his hands, pulling his knees up to his chest, curling in on himself.
Back when he was still at the Seoul Checkpoint, Lu Han had told him something similar. “Once the people who you love start hurting you, they’re not the people who you love anymore,” he had said as he packed his bags. Lu Han was leaving for Hainan, an island that had been deemed isolated enough for its inhabitants to be safe while the Virus was due to pass. He’d gone through a lot of trouble securing a ticket for access to the Checkpoint there; an ugly scar ran down his cheek, serving as a permanent reminder. They hadn’t known each other for long, but Kyungsoo couldn’t shake off the feeling of abandonment as he watched Lu Han’s things disappear one by one from the bedside table into his bag. A long time ago he’d wondered how it was possible for two people to share one tiny dresser, but when only his things remained the dresser seemed too big, like the drawer itself was an abyss that could swallow him whole if he leaned too far out.
If Baekhyun was crying, Kyungsoo couldn’t hear his sobs. He watched as Baekhyun’s body twitched now and then with each jolting breath he took, his face hidden by his frail-looking hands. He gave up kneeling and sat down on the dusty floor, but he found himself unable to look away, as if doing so would hurt Baekhyun.
He’d probably figured Chanyeol had been lost to the Virus a long time before Baekhyun had. He hadn’t known Chanyeol, but Baekhyun talked about him so often that after a while Kyungsoo felt like he’d seen him before, maybe passed him once or twice on the streets, or taken the same bus as him. And maybe they had, if Chanyeol really frequented that music store in Daehangno as much as Baekhyun made it out. It had been the same one Kyungsoo purchased records from in his free time. The thought made him shiver.
Chanyeol had been one of the slower Infected, pupils light grey and unseeing as his mouth hung agape. He’d dragged his left leg as he walked, Kyungsoo remembered noticing it being bent at an odd angle. He wondered if he’d gotten it while he was alive, or after the Virus had gotten to him, or perhaps even during the process. They hadn’t meant to confront him, but when Kyungsoo turned to Baekhyun and saw the look in his eyes, everything seemed to lurch.
“Baekhyun!” He’d hissed as Baekhyun bolted out from their hiding spot, running towards Chanyeol. There were a couple other Infected in the area and they would definitely pick up on their presence now that they were in the open. He watched as Baekhyun stopped a couple meters behind Chanyeol and held his breath.
The Infected had been walking in the opposite direction, but when he’d heard Baekhyun’s footsteps he’d turned around. Kyungsoo didn’t know much about the Virus, but he knew the Infected possessed a dulled sense perception. Still, he’d heard stories of how they charged once they’d locked onto a target, driven by the primal need to infect that the Virus instilled in its’ victims, and he quickly loaded his gun, ready to shoot in the event that Chanyeol decided to charge.
“C-Chanyeol?” He heard Baekhyun say. The skin on Chanyeol’s face appeared purplish-grey, with odd bumps on his cheeks and forehead, as if the veins under the skin were attempting to burst forth. There was a long, deep gash across his face, as if something had struck him. As soon as he faced Baekhyun he stopped, as if trying to sense the source of the noise. He poised his gun.
Baekhyun took a step back, the movement rustling a stray newspaper. Chanyeol hissed at the noise, bearing jagged teeth, his whole body tensing up. He started to charge and Kyungsoo’s adrenaline kicked in, heart racing, but before he could pull the trigger there were two gunshots.
As he rose from his hiding spot, he saw Baekhyun lowering his gun as Chanyeol fell. The compound seemed to come alive with the sound of the shot, and the hair on the back of Kyungsoo’s neck stood as he heard the grotesque clicks and squelches of the other Infected as they made their way towards them. Baekhyun was still rooted to the spot, horror-struck at the body in front of him.
The bullets had pierced two holes in Chanyeol: one at his heart, and one at his head.
Wordlessly, Kyungsoo had grabbed Baekhyun and pulled him along towards the buildings. When he glanced back, two new Infected had rounded the corner, but instead of charging at them he saw their attention was turned to Chanyeol. They’d made their way toward the body, leering at their fallen kind, and Kyungsoo remembers the way his stomach had lurched as the two of them began to devour the remains.
At present, in the room, Kyungsoo reached into his pocket and pulled out a small notebook and a pencil. He flipped to a new page and wrote down ‘Cannibals’, underlining it several times. The scene replayed in his head once more as he stared at the word and he quickly kept the notebook, stalling the nausea.
Baekhyun had curled up against the wall, eyes closed. Outside, the sun was beginning to set, and Kyungsoo could make out faint tear tracks on Baekhyun’s dusty cheeks. He appeared to have fallen asleep, exhausted. With a soft sigh Kyungsoo tugged his jacket off and folded it before lying down, pillowing his head with it. He didn’t sleep easily, too accustomed to the idea of staying up late and keeping watch from when they’d had to sleep out in the open, and he figured it was probably long past midnight before his eyelids grew heavy and he fell asleep.
☣
They set off again at noon, Baekhyun’s eyes still red and rimmed with shadows. He might have slept more than Kyungsoo but it didn’t appear like it was enough, the way his steps were slow and he kept his head on the ground. At times his body seemed to sway like a pendulum, and if Kyungsoo didn’t focus his movements matched that of an Infected. The thought made him shiver.
The idea was to make their way further up north, where it was colder and less populated. If the Virus had started from the tropics and spread rapidly across the equator, then Kyungsoo figured their chances of survival increased exponentially the further from the line they went. They were to make their way to a port somewhere northwest of Seoul, where a boat would be able to ferry them to Qingdao. From there, they would be able to make their way to the Beijing Checkpoint. Winter was already beginning to settle in in the upper hemisphere, the wind beginning to make them shiver when it picked up. They’d been travelling for about ten days now, their supplies beginning to deplete, and now that Baekhyun had fired his last two shots they were all the more vulnerable with only Kyungsoo’s gun.
A gust of wind blew again, and Kyungsoo hugged the weapon closer to his chest while Baekhyun pulled his jacket tighter around himself. There were still splatters of blood on it, Kyungsoo noticed, but they looked a little more faded, as if Baekhyun had tried to scrub the stains off while he wasn’t aware.
“We’ll reach the port soon,” Kyungsoo found himself saying. “Maybe three days more and we’ll start seeing signs.”
Baekhyun didn’t seem affected by the news, keeping his head down and focusing on his steps. He was clearly preoccupied with something much more grievous.
“Do you think he knew?” He heard Baekhyun say softly. “That I was the one who shot him?”
Kyungsoo glanced over at Baekhyun. The other looked at him sadly.
“No,” he said, stepping over some stray debris, “I don’t think he knew.”
It was a while before Baekhyun spoke again. “D-do you think he would have shot me? If our places had been reversed?”
Kyungsoo bit his lip, taken aback by the question. He wasn’t used to this side of Baekhyun. Baekhyun had been a straight-talker, always honest and expressive but also quick on his feet. He wasn’t sure what Baekhyun was asking, right now. If Baekhyun was seeking solace in his replies, he didn’t know how to phrase them coherently.
“I think..” he began hesitantly, “I think he would have done what was best.”
“So he would have shot me, then?”
Kyungsoo stopped and turned around, facing Baekhyun. “I think he would have done what was necessary for his survival. You said the both of you always talked about it, right? Staying alive?”
Something in Baekhyun seemed to click at the mention of their past conversations. Kyungsoo noticed but continued, softer, “I think he would have done whatever it took to kept himself alive.”
If Baekhyun was going to cry, Kyungsoo couldn’t tell. That was one of the things about Baekhyun that he hadn’t quite figured out yet, why he tried to hide his tears so much, when he was so open about everything else. Baekhyun’s eyes grew downcast, and Kyungsoo waited for him to scream at him again, but then he felt something cold his his cheek. He flinched and brought his hand up, drawing his hand away and examining his fingers. Rain, he realized. It was raining.
And it hadn’t rained in two months.
More drops pelted down on them, growing faster and more frequent. “Shit,” Kyungsoo muttered, slinging his gun over his shoulder as he grabbed Baekhyun’s hand, running blindly to the nearest set of buildings. They were soaked to the bone by the time they made it, shivering and panting. Kyungsoo spotted a nearby staircase, blocked by larger debris, and began pulling what he could away to gain access to the staircase.
“What are you doing?” Baekhyun asked, eyes warily scanning the area for any Infected.
“Flash floods,” Kyungsoo explained, tossing some stray cardboard boxes aside. “We need to get to higher ground right now. It’s-”
He was interrupted by the sound of an inhuman shriek and the clicking of tongues, and a particularly ugly Infected appeared at the top of the stairs, teeth bared and growling. The remnants of her pink dress were now almost grey, and her physique resembled that of a skeleton, but Kyungsoo knew her strength was anything but weak. He froze, heart pounding.
It was unclear if she had sensed his presence or not. The rain lashed against the building and windows, echoing around the compound, and he wondered if the sound was loud enough to drown out anything else. All those who were Infected became blind, a factor that seemed to strengthen their other senses due to their reliance on them in the absence of sight. Kyungsoo watched as she seemed to sniff the air, her grey eyes growing wider as they focused on the spot where Kyungsoo was standing, making his blood run cold.
He reached for his gun and she shrieked at him again, as if she had picked up on the tap of his fingers against it. He let out a cry of horror as she began to charge at him, but just as she lunged, Baekhyun appeared and swung a broken chair at her, the sharp, jagged ends cutting into her flesh. She let out another grating cry and Baekhyun grunted as he hit her again, the chair cracking with the force. This time the blow was to her head and she fell, gurgling and disoriented.
Kyungsoo watched as Baekhyun repeated the motion, slamming the chair on the Infected again. Her body twitched with the impact before she lay limp, presumably dead.
“You okay?” Baekhyun croaked, looking back at Kyungsoo. They usually shot at any Infected they encountered if they had to, and the close encounter had Baekhyun visibly shaken. Outside, the rain continued lashing down and there was a particularly loud clap of thunder, making the both of them jump.
“Fine,” Kyungsoo breathed, equally affected by the attack. “Sorry, I should have shot-”
“We need to save the ammo,” Baekhyun shook his head before looking back down at the broken body.
The water was beginning to flow into the ground floor just as Kyungsoo ascended the stairs, coming to a stop beside Baekhyun. The woman’s mouth hung open in a silent scream. She seemed to be one of the older Infected, judging by the decay present on her skin, beginning to eat away at her cheek. The rest of her was grey and dull, almost reminiscent of those zombies in the movies Kyungsoo used to watch as a child. There was definitely nothing artificial about her, though, and the thought made Kyungsoo feel a lot more terrified.
“Think there are any more?” Baekhyun asked, looking up at the stairs. A little bulb hung at the top, solitary and eerie despite its’ warm glow. There was another clap of thunder outside and the rain seemed to pour down harder.
“Doubt it. They’d have come by now.” Kyungsoo continued ascending the stairs, keeping his finger near the trigger of the gun. True enough, the upper floor was devoid of Infected and people. They sat down in one of the rooms and Kyungsoo watched as Baekhyun pulled out a bottle from his backpack.
“How long has it been since it started raining?” He asked, going to the window.
“Maybe two, three minutes,” Kyungsoo shrugged. He watched as Baekhyun opened the window and uncapped his bottle, sticking it out into the rain. He bit his lip.
“Is that safe?”
“Honestly? I don’t know. But it’s better than nothing.” The bottle filled up slowly, but Baekhyun was patient. “Want me to fill yours too?” He held out his free hand.
Kyungsoo passed his bottle wordlessly and watched as Baekhyun held it out of the window. They’d met under similar circumstances, he recalls, when Baekhyun had wandered into the Seoul Checkpoint, eyes darting around him. Kyungsoo wasn’t exactly the friendly type, but something about Baekhyun had made him approach him.
Baekhyun came over and sat down in front of Kyungsoo handing him back his now-full bottle. “Wait a while and let any heavy particles settle at the bottom,” he instructed, putting his own aside. Usually, after similar bits of knowledge, Baekhyun would explain that it was something Chanyeol had taught him, but this time he left that part out. Whether it was because the information was really unattributed to Chanyeol, or that his memory still pained Baekhyun, Kyungsoo couldn’t tell.
“Do you remember how we met?” He found himself asking.
A small smile came to Baekhyun’s face. “You asked me if I needed help and I said I was thirsty.”
“You really were, though.” Kyungsoo recalled Baekhyun downing the bottle of water in one shot as soon as it was handed to him.
“I walked for two days straight,” Baekhyun confesses, lowering his head, the smile becoming sadder on his face at the memory. “Of course.”
“Sorry,” Kyungsoo said, biting his lip, “I didn’t mean to-”
“No, no. It’s alright. I want to talk about it anyway,” Baekhyun paused. “I think it’ll help.”
Kyungsoo stayed quiet, waiting for Baekhyun to continue. The other kept his eyes on the ground as he spoke.
“We got split up somewhere outside of Seoul. There were too many of them, almost like...like an army, or an ambush or something. It was a war-zone. People screaming and running…” Baekhyun’s eyes seemed to glaze over. “Chanyeol...wanted to look for his family. It was the reason we were in that district, you know? Because he had so much hope…” He lapsed back into silence for a moment before continuing.
“It was kind of why I stuck to him. I mean, we were dating yeah, sure, but...I mean as a person...he was like a light. I thought that I would lose it if I wasn’t around him, especially when the world was- is in the state that it is. He always talked to me about living but the truth is...he was what I was living for.”
Kyungsoo saw Baekhyun’s eyebrows furrow, like he was having trouble with his thoughts. “He said he would meet me at the Checkpoint. So I just kept walking, hoping that maybe I’d see him along the way, or that once I made it I would see him standing there, maybe even with his family. But when I got there…” His voice trailed off.
“And then the next day the Checkpoint was attacked,” Kyungsoo said. He remembered it, how their safe haven had been breached, a horde of them charging towards the place at full speed, like they’d tracked them down. He and Baekhyun had been fortunate enough to get out of the chaos alive, let alone with their belongings.
“I think I knew,” Baekhyun said, voice growing soft. “That he was..you know. But I couldn’t believe it, not completely. That was me trying to be hopeful, I guess, trying to be like him.”
The sound of the rain against the roof seemed to slow. Baekhyun looked up at Kyungsoo after a while, and Kyungsoo found himself unable to look away. The corners of his mouth pulled up in a gentle smile, and Baekhyun’s expression softened.
The light outside drew Kyungsoo’s attention and he looked out the window. The sky remained grey but it seemed a little less dull. “We should go,” he said.
☣
They picked up what they could along the journey. Baekhyun acquired a crowbar and a blade, which he fixed together with stray pieces of cloth and rope that they found. Kyungsoo was also lucky enough to stumble upon two more bullets. They didn’t seem to be able to be loaded into his gun, but he kept them anyway. Ammunition was hard to come by these days.
Kyungsoo checked his compass once more to make sure they were going the right way. It wasn’t a skill he was particularly good at, but it was better than nothing.
“Look!”
There was a sign. PORT, it read, three days away. Someone had scrawled ‘TO SAFETY’ beside the words ‘PORT’. Kyungsoo bit his lip.
Baekhyun seemed to sense his uncertainty. “We’re almost there. Come on,” he urged. Kyungsoo kept his compass back into his pocket and the two of them continued walking. He hoped they would be able to make the boat on time. It was unclear how frequent the boat ferried passengers back and forth from Korea to Qingdao, and there was no way of knowing until they got there.
The path seemed to become less and less clear, and by nightfall they found themselves in an almost desolate wasteland. The temperature was beginning to drop, and Baekhyun was desperately trying to pull his sleeves over his hands.
“We really should f-find gloves,” he said, his teeth beginning to chatter. Kyungsoo chuckled softly but didn’t say anything, stuffing his hands further into his pockets. Baekhyun was right. If they were headed to colder ground, they’d need to stock up on warmer clothes. He looked around the place but all he saw were pages of newspaper tumbling in the wind or other rubbish of the like, and if they ever came across cloth it tended to be shredded and too small to cover a mere finger.
They walked a little more before Kyungsoo spotted a light in the distance. There were people gathered around it, their forms mere silhouettes, and Kyungsoo realized it was a fire. Baekhyun nearly broke out into a sprint when Kyungsoo grabbed his arm, stopping him.
“Wait, we have to be careful. They might not be very friendly.”
Baekhyun bit his lip and nodded, falling back into place beside Kyungsoo. The two of them made their way toward the fire hesitantly, but Kyungsoo was a little more relieved when he saw that those gathered around the flames were human. They were around two meters away, close enough to feel the edges of warmth, when the people around the fire looked up at them. Almost immediately, the one nearest to them jumped up, and Kyungsoo found himself staring down the barrel of a gun. Baekhyun gripped his arm as if to yank him away, but Kyungsoo held his ground.
He raised his hands as if surrendering. “Sorry to sneak up on you. We were just passing through and wanted to warm ourselves up a bit.”
As his eyes adjusted to the light he saw that the person holding the gun was a boy, particularly tall for his age. His eyes were sharp and focused, but Kyungsoo sensed that he wasn’t accustomed to holding a gun very much, let alone firing. Baekhyun maintained his vice-like grip on his arm.
“It’s alright, Sehun-ah,” one of the others spoke, stepping forward. The air of hostility surrounding them seemed to diminish just a little. The man who spoke had a gentle, persuasive voice, and he was around Kyungsoo’s height when he came up to stand in front of them. He put a hand on Sehun’s arm and the boy glanced at him before lowering the gun a little reluctantly.
“Sorry about that. I’m...Suho.” Kyungsoo noted the pause. Suho held out his hand and Kyungsoo moved to shake it, but Baekhyun was still holding onto his arm. He looked at Baekhyun, who took a moment before letting go.
“Kyungsoo,” he said, shaking Suho’s hand. Baekhyun did the same, introducing himself. He noticed Suho was wearing gloves.
“Travelling north?” Suho asked, sitting back down by the fire. The others made room for them to sit down and they accepted it, although Kyungsoo noted when Baekhyun leaned toward him a little more than he did towards them, as if he was trying to maintain a space.
“To the port, actually,” Kyungsoo said.
Suho raised his eyebrows. “Really?”
Kyungsoo found his surprised expression a little unnerving. “Yeah. We’re headed for Beijing.”
“You don’t look Chinese,” one of the others seated at the fire said. Kyungsoo observed his face.
“You don’t look Korean.” It was Baekhyun who replied instead. The man returned the comment with a smug smile that unsettled Kyungsoo. He leaned in toward Baekhyun a little more.
“Where are you going?” He asked Suho, changing the subject.
Suho shrugged a little. “Somewhere south, probably. We’re mostly just trying to keep out of harm’s way.”
“You’re just going to hide out here?”
“There’s not much else to do,” the boy who’d pointed the gun at them -- Sehun, was it? -- spoke up. Kyungsoo nodded, mostly to himself. He disagreed, but he kept his mouth shut. They needed the fire right now.
“What’re you headed to Beijing for?” One of the unnamed strangers asked.
“We..” Kyungsoo paused, glancing over at Baekhyun. They hadn’t actually discussed plans after reaching Qingdao, let alone Beijing. That point had seemed too far away for planning. “It’s safer there,” he said instead.
“Is it?”
“At least, that’s what I’ve heard,” Kyungsoo lied. “We’re waiting for the storm to pass, too. Just… a little more extreme, I guess.”
“You’ll need money for the boat,” Suho said. Kyungsoo bit his lip. He’d anticipated it somewhat, the only problem was that they didn’t have money.
“We’ll trade,” Suho offered. No one else in the team seemed to protest. Kyungsoo wondered if they’d stepped into some elaborate scheme, but they didn’t have much choice right now. He wasn’t sure how much he trusted Suho, but having a little bit of money sounded better than nothing.
“Name what you want,” Kyungsoo said. Beside him, Baekhyun didn’t protest either.
“Your rifle,” Sehun interjected.
Kyungsoo stiffened a little. “Is that all?”
The first stranger who had spoken to them murmured something to his companion and the two of them seemed to laugh amongst themselves. Baekhyun shifted uncomfortably at his seat.
“With ammunition,” Sehun said. Kyungsoo glanced down at the rifle in his hands, weighing the possibilities. Keeping the rifle could mean staying in Korea, but it could increase their chances of being infected. It was no coincidence they’d been running into more and more Infected throughout their journey. Selling the rifle would get them out, but they would be almost completely unequipped.
Baekhyun looked at him but didn’t say anything. Kyungsoo turned the gun over his hands. Lu Han had given it to him just before he left, saying that he no longer had any use for it. He seemed to trust Hainan completely, giving Kyungsoo the impression that anywhere but Seoul was safe. The fire crackled, snapping him out of his thoughts. Suho looked at him expectantly.
“Okay,” he said, holding out the gun. Sehun immediately got up and took it, as if he was responsible for all weapons. Suho pulled out a couple dollar bills from his pocket and counted, and Kyungsoo was more taken by the fact that he was in possession of dollar bills, let alone what seemed to be a large number of them.
“Here,” Suho said, and Kyungsoo took the money, stuffing it into his pocket. He felt a lot more vulnerable without his rifle, currently in Sehun’s hands. The boy seemed to be marvelling at the craftsmanship, and Kyungsoo found himself wondering if Lu Han would mind that he gave it away.
☣
Morning found himself in Baekhyun’s arms. They seemed to have intertwined themselves in their slumber by the fire, probably in an attempt to keep warm. Baekhyun was still sound asleep as he sat up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. The fire seemed to have already been extinguished, and the others were nowhere to be found. For a moment, Kyungsoo panicked, grabbing his backpack and checking if they’d taken anything else. He sighed with relief when everything seemed to be in place.
It was already daylight, and Kyungsoo guessed it was almost noon, which meant they’d lost half a day. He bit his lip and shook Baekhyun gently, trying to wake him up.
“Baek,” he murmured. “Come on. We have to go.”
Baekhyun stirred before groaning. He reached out and caught Kyungsoo’s hand, pulling it closer to him. “Five more minutes,” he mumbled. He snuggled closer to Kyungsoo’s form, and something about it made Kyungsoo feel as if the world had slowed around them. Baekhyun looked a lot so much more at peace with the world when he was asleep. Kyungsoo wondered what he dreamt about.
It was times like these when he found himself wondering what it would be like if they had met back in Seoul, before the Virus had reached. The sky would have been blue, he realized, and that thought alone was enough to make him feel as if he was dreaming of a distant, non-existent time. There wouldn’t be blood on their clothes, or weapons on their backs, and they would be free to roam as they pleased. He ran his thumb over Baekhyun’s knuckles and then stopped himself, realizing what he was doing. Baekhyun didn’t stir, but Kyungsoo drew his hand back, feeling as if he’d infringed on something. That reality he was thinking of was no more.
He waited two minutes before shaking Baekhyun again. Baekhyun groaned but conceded, pushing himself up, wiping the dirt off his face. He squinted as his eyes adjusted to the sunlight and Kyungsoo handed him his bottle of water. They were already down to their last couple mouthfuls.
“Where’d the others go?” Baekhyun asked as he got up, still a little half-dazed.
“No idea,” Kyungsoo confessed, gathering his things. “Come on, we have to get to the port by tomorrow or we might miss the boat.”
Baekhyun yawned. “You don’t get seasick, do you?”
Kyungsoo smiled a little to himself at the simplicity of the question. “Why, do you?”
“I don’t know. Never been on a boat before.”
“Seriously?” Kyungsoo raised his eyebrows. “You spent your whole life just..here?”
Baekhyun shrugged. “Pretty much. I’ve never known any place other than Seoul.” He grew quiet after that. A part of Kyungsoo wanted him to reach out and hold his hand, but he wasn’t brave enough.
By mid-afternoon they’d finished most of their water and came across a couple more buildings. Most of them seemed deserted, with their windows smashed in, and the whole place had a terribly eerie quality. Kyungsoo moved to unsling his rifle, but when his fingers caught only air he remembered the night before and he couldn’t help but feel a pang of regret. He hadn’t realized how much more secure having a weapon made him feel.
The sound of a low growl stopped them in their tracks as they began to round a corner. Kyungsoo put his arm out in front of Baekhyun as if he was the one with the weapon, and not the other way around. As he peered around the block he spotted two Infected a couple feet away from them. He bit his lip and held up two fingers at Baekhyun.
“Can we go around them?” Baekhyun whispered. Kyungsoo shook his head, keeping his eyes on them. They were both stooped over, limbs long and gangly. A couple of times they seemed to look in his direction and he’d shudder, fear gripping him before he remembered they were blind. These were the least human-looking Infected he’d seen so far, and he wondered if the Virus was beginning to mutate.
They began to draw near and Kyungsoo pulled himself out of sight, pressing himself up against the wall as much as possible. Baekhyun mirrored his actions, his fingers gripping his makeshift weapon. The Infected passed them and Kyungsoo held his breath, listening to the odd clicking sound they were known to make.
It was only after their long shadows disappeared out of sight that he grabbed Baekhyun and ran as fast as his legs could carry him. The rest of the compound seemed deserted, but the fact that the Infected had looked so foreign and so much more menacing made him a lot more terrified than usual. They were almost out when three more Infected appeared out of nowhere and Kyungsoo fell in his attempt to turn back.
“Shit,” he hissed, scraping his palms on the asphalt. The Infected let out equally high-pitched screams at them and Kyungsoo and Baekhyun covered their ears, wincing. Baekhyun tried to help Kyungsoo up but the Infected started charging and he had no choice but to leave him, instead running forward and trying to fight them off.
“Baekhyun!” Kyungsoo yelled in panic. Baekhyun swung blindly at the Infected but these mutated ones seemed faster and more agile, dodging most of his blows. Kyungsoo watched in horror as their bared their razor sharp teeth at Baekhyun. It was three against one. He wasn’t going to make it.
Kyungsoo dug into his bag and found his now empty bottle. He took aim and threw as hard as he could, hitting one of the Infected right on the head. It turned around, hissing angrily at him, and Kyungsoo gulped. He hoisted his backpack onto his shoulder and pushed himself up. He ran to the buildings, trying to draw the Infected away from Baekhyun.
“Shit shit shit,” he muttered, searching for anything else to defend himself with. The Infected was already injured from his previous hit, but now it was angry, and it was charging at him. Kyungsoo scrambled up a crumbling flight of stairs, clumsily jumping over a break between the flight and landing, rolling over to jar his shoulder. The Infected continued up the flight at full speed, not noticing the gap. It fell through almost immediately but grabbed Kyungsoo’s foot at the last minute, dragging him down with it. Kyungsoo cried out in alarm as he began to slide forward. He reached out and grabbed onto the handrail with much difficulty just before his whole body was pulled over, and he winced as his body was slammed into the wall with the momentum of the sudden halt.
The Infected seemed unable to pull itself up, clicking and shrieking as it struggled. Kyungsoo grunted and tried to shake it off, kicking at it as hard as he could, but to no avail. “Get off!” He hissed, trying to swing the Infected towards the wall, but the creature was too heavy. Kyungsoo could already feel his grip on the handrail slipping.
“Kyungsoo!” Baekhyun ran up the stairs, clothes splattered with some dark-coloured unrecognizable substance. He raised his makeshift javelin and stabbed the blade at the Infected, causing the creature to howl in pain. Kyungsoo winced at the sickening squelch. Baekhyun grimaced and did it again, this time at the creature’s head, and the Infected released Kyungsoo’s foot, falling down.
“Baek- AH!” Baekhyun grabbed onto Kyungsoo’s hand just as he lost his grip. He pulled Kyungsoo up onto the staircase and the two of them collapsed on the dusty ground in exhaustion, the adrenaline still rushing through them. Kyungsoo’s ankle throbbed in pain but he rested his hand over his heart, feeling it beat against his chest.
“That was too close,” Baekhyun said breathily. Kyungsoo’s heart pounded as he lay beside him, staring at the roof. There were holes in the shelter, through which he was able to see the sky, and for a moment he thought he saw patches of blue, as if they were back in Seoul and he and Baekhyun were lying on the grass at the park, watching the clouds go by. As if the world wasn’t crumbling around them.
☣
The wind started to pick up as they left a while later. The two of them huddled together, shivering with the breeze. Baekhyun jammed his hands into the pockets of his filthy vest as best as he could, while Kyungsoo hid his in his jacket. At the rate they were going, he figured that if the Virus didn’t kill them, the weather would get to them first. Only one more thing to worry about.
“Here,” Baekhyun said, taking his hand in his. He slid their hands into one of his vest pockets, and Kyungsoo felt a lot warmer. “Jeez, Soo, you’re freezing.”
“Thanks,” he mumbled. “You know Qingdao’s going to be a lot colder than this.”
“Good thing you have me then,” Baekhyun replied, and when Kyungsoo glanced up he saw Baekhyun’s lips curling into a smile. He felt something stir in him.
“You know I never thanked you,” Baekhyun continued, not noticing Kyungsoo’s gaze.
“What for?”
“For saving my life. I wouldn’t be here if you hadn’t yanked me out of that mess at the Checkpoint.” He seemed to shudder a little at the memory. Kyungsoo didn’t blame him.
“I’m sure you would have done the same,” Kyungsoo replied.
Baekhyun paused, lowering his head a little. “No, I wouldn’t have,” he admitted softly, and when Kyungsoo looked at him he continued, “not in the state that I was in then.”
“I’m not like you, you know,” Baekhyun said, looking up at Kyungsoo. “I’m not that strong... I don’t think anyone is.”
Kyungsoo can’t remember who leaned in first, but they had kissed, then. He was unfamiliar with the action, but he moved with Baekhyun, eyes closed. Maybe it wasn't the right thing to do, but it hadn't been wrong. Right here, right now, Kyungsoo only had Baekhyun and Baekhyun only had Kyungsoo, and that was all that mattered. He reached up and cupped Baekhyun’s cheek, fingers stroking gently, before Baekhyun whined a little and pulled away, cheeks flushed.
“Your hands are freezing,” he explained, but he was smiling and Kyungsoo laughed, the sound bubbling out of him.
☣
They reached the port by dawn, having walked through the night. Kyungsoo stumbled a little, more exhausted than usual, but Baekhyun’s tight grip on his hand steadied him each time. As Suho had stated, there was indeed a price for tickets, and they discovered he’d given them the exact amount for two. Kyungsoo frowned a little at the realization but pushed the thought away, paying for the tickets. There was no looking back now.
As they waited to board they met a boy named Zitao, who’s happy expression stood out against the grim faces of everyone else in the line. “I’m going home,” he explained, and for a moment Kyungsoo wondered if he was aware of the Virus, but Zitao continued, “I’m going to get my family and then we’ll head to Beijing together, for the Checkpoint.”
“They’re waiting for you?” Kyungsoo asked.
Zitao nodded. “They promised they would. You’ll love Qingdao,” he said, then beamed, “You can come with me if you want! Since we’re headed the same way. Safety in numbers, after all.”
They boarded the boat just as the sun peeked out over the horizon. The deck was a little cramped, but Kyungsoo decided it could have been worse. He looked back as the boat left the port, left the wastelands and abandoned suburbs crawling with disease and death. He wondered how long it would be before they saw land again.
Beside him, Zitao continued talking of a beautiful scenery and warmth and loads of good food. Kyungsoo reached out and took Baekhyun’s hand, squeezing it gently. He knew nothing about what lay ahead of them and yet, he felt oddly hopeful.
-- massive thank you to everyone who spurred me on with this fic ;; especially reeza onyu who took it upon herself to enable me with all things baeksoo. (did I say enable I mean torture)
-- also thank you to my usual beta, min! ♡
-- title and cut taken from slow decay by dashboard confessional
-- why do I write these kinds of fics during CNY huh why