What Love is About
“Hyung.”
The dark-haired, dimpled man lifts his head and frowns at Youngwoon. His boyfriend rarely used honorifics with him around their house. In fact, the only time the younger used them was when he wanted something or had bad news. From the tone of his voice, it was more likely the second. “Yes? What’s wrong?”
“I’ve done something bad, horrible, and I don’t want to tell you. But I know I should because that’s what love is about, right?”
“Youngwoon-ah, what have I told you about getting in confrontations after drinking? Who did you hurt now?” Jungsu stands up from his position in his office chair and walks to the entryway where his lover is standing, half-hidden by the door, his dirty blond hair is mussed more than usual. He’s fully prepared to tend to any of the strong man’s injuries, but he stops in his tracks when the smell of perfume hits him. Fragrances had always given Youngwoon headaches, so of course it’s very odd that the smell would be coming from him. The scent of perfume is also mixed with a distinctive smell… a smell of sweat and-
“I slept with someone else. A girl.”
The nausea hits fast as soon as the words are out in the air. Jungsu pushes past Youngwoon and rushes to the bathroom, just in time to release the contents of his stomach, albeit there isn’t much because of how little he’d been eating lately. When he feels a hand on his back, rubbing comforting circles on his back he lets out a sob and moves away from the touch. “Don’t…” he says shakily.
“I’m sorry… I know I’m always hurting you, but we’ll get past this.” Youngwoon attempts to place his hand on his boyfriend’s shoulder but is met with air again.
“This isn’t the same!” Of course, it was far from the first time the younger man had done something to leave the older in tears. From the outside, Jungsu realizes that their relationship met someone’s definition of abuse, but from his perspective there wasn’t any reason anyone should worry too much about it. Sure, there were the occasional slaps to the face, but they were always open-palmed and provoked when Jungsu knew he was pushing his lover past his breaking point. A few times Youngwoon had forced himself onto the smaller man when he just wasn’t in the mood; but Jungsu feels that he’s not always too clear on his consent. It wasn’t as if Youngwoon disallowed Jungsu from doing anything, such as working, but sometimes his temper did get the best of him.
The past few weeks had been precarious for the couple the past few weeks after a sour encounter (which is one time Jungsu is sure he had gotten the point across that he didn’t want it). But they often went through times like this. Youngwoon would guiltily avoid the older, while Jungsu emerged himself into his work. Lately, he had been working overtime at the office and even at home in order to allow his company’s president, Siwon, to have more days off to spend with his new family. As owner of the company, his job wasn’t meant to be as involved, but Siwon seemed happier than he had over the course of their whole friendship.
He knows he’s been ignoring his duty to fulfill his partner’s sexual needs, but never has it crossed his mind that Youngwoon would find someone else. Jungsu can’t help but feel that it’s fault for pulling away so much. The relationship they have is the most stable thing he’s ever had in his life. Through his parents’ divorce, his childhood home burning to the ground, being verbally harassed at work, and losing his old job at the height of his career, he’s always had Youngwoon. He feels like he has failed at keeping the one consistent thing in his life interested in him.
“This was just a one time thing, I promise. But lately, all you do is work, and I feel like I’m second in your life.”
“What do you want me to do? I’m finally at the top of my career again after years, and I don’t want to quit. I can’t quit, I have a responsibility to run the company until Siwon can take over, you know that.” He wipes his mouth on the back of his hand and stands up shakily. He flushes the toilet and sets the cover down to sit on it.
“I don’t like you working. I make enough at the restaurants for us to get by.” His eyes are very serious, almost threatening.
Jungsu shakes his head and closes his eyes. “Youngwoon, please don’t take this from me.” This is the last thing that keeps me from being a battered housewife.
The strong man kneels down and rests his hands on top of his boyfriend’s. “You said yourself that you’re only holding onto the company until Siwon can take over. After that, why don’t you just quit and stay at home? You’ve proven to the world, twice, that you can be someone successfully. Why are you still trying to please the world? I’m your boyfriend… I love you. As soon as you’re not the owner, I want you to quit.”
“That sounds like a command. You don’t own me,” Jungsu firmly states.
“I never said I owned you, Jungsu. I’m simply requesting that you stop working so we can improve our relationship. You’re hardly home anymore and all the time I spend without you has me thinking that maybe we shouldn’t be toge-“
“Don’t leave me!” The older man suddenly becomes frantic at the thought of losing his lover and throws his arms around his neck to keep him in place. “Just. Just wait for me, okay? I swear I’ll quit as soon as I can, but if I do that now the company will go under. I’ll quit, a-and afterwards I’ll stay home and do whatever you want, just don’t leave me, okay?”
“Are you sure this is what you want? If you want to focus on your career, I can get out of your way.”
Jungsu nods and clings tighter. “Yes, this is what I want. I can’t live without you.” Youngwoon pulls back enough to plant a kiss on the brunette’s forehead.
“I know.”
1. I don't even know where this came from.
2. I'm still mostly on a hiatus.
3. I'm in the process of writing the sequel to LTLA which may take a while to do, but I plan to write this short of slice-of-life teasers as I work on it.