The Fine Line Between Love and Hate is On Vacation, Pt. 3.2
I sat in my living room pulling at the tight clothes Gerard had forced me to buy and wear. At least I had a say in choosing the shirt. Gerard wanted me to get a button-down shirt, but he settled for a plain, black t-shirt. I don't know why Gerard was taking so much time getting ready; we were just going to the movies. Just three boys going to the movies, and one of them is secretly in love with another. No problem. My life should be a soap opera, or maybe a sitcom. At least you get an occasional laugh from those.
"Who's the bitch, now?" I asked as Gerard entered the room and sat next to me.
"Hey, I just like to look good, fucktard." He hit me over the head, and of course I hit back. A couple more hits turned into a slap fight. Without warning he pushed me into a lying position on the couch. He straddled my hips and with one hand pinned my hands down and with the other slapped me repeatedly.
"Gerard! Get the fuck off!" The slapping didn't hurt; it was just extremely annoying.
"Tell me I look hot." He stopped slapping me to hear my answer.
"Fuck, no!" Slap. "Stop!" Slap. "Gerard!" Slap. "Stop!" Slap. "Frank!"
I saw Frank's amused expression over Gerard's shoulder. "Am I interrupting anything?"
Gerard slapped me one final time before standing up. I sat up and tried to flatten my hair. "Mikey and I were just 'bonding'."
Frank laughed heartily and took one of the seats next to me. He forced me to stop messing with my hair and straightened my crooked glasses." You look fine, Mikey." My mouth was slightly open, and I nodded stupidly.
"Yeah, yeah, that's enough small talk. We'll be late for the movie. Mikey, you're driving." Gerard threw me the keys to his car, and Frank ran outside claiming shotgun.
"Why am I driving?" I stood up and walked slowly towards the door next to Gerard.
"So I can get to know Frank better without interruptions." He winked at me, and I became annoyed.
"I told you, Gerard! You are to old for him, and he's fucking straight!" But it doesn't stop me from being head over heels in love with him.
"Four years is hardly too old, Mikey, and that boy CAN'T be straight."
"Why do you say that?"
"I can just tell. That boy is not straight." I walked outside still slightly pissed and started the car. Gerard took his dear sweet time getting into the car, and when he did, he immediately began asking Frank questions. I'm pretty sure that by the end of the car ride, he knew his life story.
For some unknown reason Gerard chose the movie The Da Vinci Code. I have never read the book, and I don't plan to.
"I'm getting a soda." I sighed when I saw the long line at the concession stand. "Go ahead without me."
"Are you sure? I'll wait for you." Frank tugged on my elbow and glanced back at Gerard uncertainly.
"He's sure. Come on, Frank, the movie's about to start." Gerard took Frank's hand and led him away from toward theater number three. He looked back at me before following Gerard through the door. It took fifteen minutes to get through that damn line. The girl at the counter was a ditz who couldn't even work the cash register. So the manager had to be called, and every single person in the line had to complain about her, but in the end I got a free soda. Feel my joy.
The movie was already playing when I entered the theater. It was fairly full. There are two sections of seats: the upper section and the lower sections. The people who sit up usually aren't watching the movie. In that theatre there was a couple near the top making out, three girls and one guy playing around, and an old guy sleeping soundly. I looked over the lower section trying to spot my brother and Frank. I didn't see either of them, so I went back outside to check that it was right theater. It was. Going back inside I searched the lower section again. They were definitely not down there. So I gave up looking and went up to the high section and sat a few rows behind the couple making out.
I couldn't really get into the movie because I had missed the beginning and the couple was distracting me. I could hear the wet sounds coming from their mouths and the occasional low moans. From the moans I deduced that they were both guys. I forgot all about the movie and flat out started at them. The tallest guy was all over the other. His hand started on the shortest one's knee and slowly moved up his thigh and rested on his crotch. He pulled back and gasped which allowed me to see his face.
I dropped my soda and ran out the theatre. I couldn't believe what I just saw, I didn't want to believe it. I was mad at Gerard for getting to Frank first. I was mad at Frank for never telling me he was into guys, but mostly I was mad at myself for being so in love with him.
I want into the bathroom, locking myself in a stall. I stayed in there a good hour taking my anger out on the toilet. The white porcelain showed several scuff marks from where I had kicked it. I finally just collapsed on the floor crying like an overemotional teenage girl. I held in a sob when I heard the bathroom door swing open.
"Mikey?" God, no Frank… not right now. "Are you in here?" No! No one's here. Go back in the theater so Gerard can molest you. "I know you're in here… I can see you sitting on the floor." Damn. He sat on the floor next to my stall. I could see his legs sprawled out in front of him. I was glad he could see my face that was probably tear stained. "You haven't been in the movie." Yes, I was! And if I hadn't been, why are you just noticing now? "I tried to talk to you before the movie, but I didn't get a chance." Because Gerard was eager to suck your face off. "You're my best friend, and I really want to tell you something…"
"What is it?" I knew perfectly well what he wanted to tell me, but he didn't know that I saw him in the theater.
"Well, I'm pretty sure that I'm, um, gay."
"Seriously?" My voice sounded shocked, but I was actually rolling my eyes.
"Yeah… I think that for the past year I've been trying to force myself to be straight, but it's impossible. Do you hate me?"
"Of course not, Frank. I could never hate you." That was the truth. No matter what he did I could get mad at him. Sure, I said I was before, but I was already over it. Just talking to him makes me forget my problems.
"Look, I really like your brother."
Except when he brings them up.
"Really?" I was replaying the image of the two of them together. It was obvious that they were into each other. It's not everyday you make out with a random stranger at the movies.
"Yeah, and I wanted to know if it would like bother you if we-"
"Dated? Not at all. If you like him, I won't be the one to stand in the way." I swallowed the huge lump that had formed in my throat. There was no way this was coming out of my mouth.
"Thanks, Mikey. You're the only one who really listens to me." He stood up and walked swiftly out of the bathroom. When I was sure he was long gone, I stepped out of the stall and wiped away my tears. I knew I was expected to go back in the theater after that little talk, and I did… grudgingly. I was even considering playing sick just so I wouldn't have to go back in there. As I predicted, Gerard and Frank were holding hands, and Gerard had his arm draped over Frank's shoulder. How fucking cute. It's enough to make me barf out every organ in my body.
God, I swear that movie went on and on. I didn't feel the need to actually watch the movie. Gerard had paid for the tickets. If I had paid for it, I would have watched the movie intently and follow the plot closely even if Gerard and Frank were fucking right next to me. Tickets at that theater aren't cheap. Oh, God, mental image of Gerard- IT BURNS! Think of sometime less disturbing, uh… Puppies! Everyone loves puppies. As I was wrapped up in my thoughts about puppies, I hadn't noticed that the movie had ended, and people were filing out of the theater. Frank had to physically shake me out of my thoughts because I was the 'chauffer' after all. I walked out of the building considerably less happier than I had been, but Gerard and Frank came out beaming like idiots.
I was overly eager to get Frank home so he and Gerard would stop their little love fest in the backseat. I was driving about twenty over the speed limit and almost hit a car twice. "We're here," I announced loudly as I pulled in front of Frank's house. I honked the horn when a few minutes had passed without them resurfacing.
"Thanks for the ride," Frank giggled. And I mean he actually giggled. It was quite disturbing actually.
"Let me walk you to the door," Gerard said breathlessly. They both slid out of the car and walked across the front lawn.
It took Gerard five fucking minutes to come back to the car and by then I was fully pissed. "Took you long enough, don't you think?"
"Stop being an ass, Mikey, and be happy for me." He was in the front passenger seat messing with the radio as I drove back home.
"You're only here for a week, Gerard. Don't you think that's it's not the right time to start a relationship?" I slapped his hand away from the radio and turned it off.
"I like the kid; I never said I was going to start a real relationship with him." He turned the radio back on and turned way up.
"Stop it!" I turned the radio back off. "He expects you to, Gerard. He's fifteen, and he's probably never had attention like this. He's going to want a relationship."
"Stop worrying about it, Mikey. I know how to deal with him. Why are you so concerned?"
"He's my best friend, and I've promised to have his back." And I'm madly in love with him.
"If I didn't know better, I would say that you like him." He looked at me with that goddamn smirk plastered on his face.
"Shut up, I'm driving. I need to concentrate." I didn't speak to Gerard the rest of the night.
"Who's the bitch, now?" I asked as Gerard entered the room and sat next to me.
"Hey, I just like to look good, fucktard." He hit me over the head, and of course I hit back. A couple more hits turned into a slap fight. Without warning he pushed me into a lying position on the couch. He straddled my hips and with one hand pinned my hands down and with the other slapped me repeatedly.
"Gerard! Get the fuck off!" The slapping didn't hurt; it was just extremely annoying.
"Tell me I look hot." He stopped slapping me to hear my answer.
"Fuck, no!" Slap. "Stop!" Slap. "Gerard!" Slap. "Stop!" Slap. "Frank!"
I saw Frank's amused expression over Gerard's shoulder. "Am I interrupting anything?"
Gerard slapped me one final time before standing up. I sat up and tried to flatten my hair. "Mikey and I were just 'bonding'."
Frank laughed heartily and took one of the seats next to me. He forced me to stop messing with my hair and straightened my crooked glasses." You look fine, Mikey." My mouth was slightly open, and I nodded stupidly.
"Yeah, yeah, that's enough small talk. We'll be late for the movie. Mikey, you're driving." Gerard threw me the keys to his car, and Frank ran outside claiming shotgun.
"Why am I driving?" I stood up and walked slowly towards the door next to Gerard.
"So I can get to know Frank better without interruptions." He winked at me, and I became annoyed.
"I told you, Gerard! You are to old for him, and he's fucking straight!" But it doesn't stop me from being head over heels in love with him.
"Four years is hardly too old, Mikey, and that boy CAN'T be straight."
"Why do you say that?"
"I can just tell. That boy is not straight." I walked outside still slightly pissed and started the car. Gerard took his dear sweet time getting into the car, and when he did, he immediately began asking Frank questions. I'm pretty sure that by the end of the car ride, he knew his life story.
For some unknown reason Gerard chose the movie The Da Vinci Code. I have never read the book, and I don't plan to.
"I'm getting a soda." I sighed when I saw the long line at the concession stand. "Go ahead without me."
"Are you sure? I'll wait for you." Frank tugged on my elbow and glanced back at Gerard uncertainly.
"He's sure. Come on, Frank, the movie's about to start." Gerard took Frank's hand and led him away from toward theater number three. He looked back at me before following Gerard through the door. It took fifteen minutes to get through that damn line. The girl at the counter was a ditz who couldn't even work the cash register. So the manager had to be called, and every single person in the line had to complain about her, but in the end I got a free soda. Feel my joy.
The movie was already playing when I entered the theater. It was fairly full. There are two sections of seats: the upper section and the lower sections. The people who sit up usually aren't watching the movie. In that theatre there was a couple near the top making out, three girls and one guy playing around, and an old guy sleeping soundly. I looked over the lower section trying to spot my brother and Frank. I didn't see either of them, so I went back outside to check that it was right theater. It was. Going back inside I searched the lower section again. They were definitely not down there. So I gave up looking and went up to the high section and sat a few rows behind the couple making out.
I couldn't really get into the movie because I had missed the beginning and the couple was distracting me. I could hear the wet sounds coming from their mouths and the occasional low moans. From the moans I deduced that they were both guys. I forgot all about the movie and flat out started at them. The tallest guy was all over the other. His hand started on the shortest one's knee and slowly moved up his thigh and rested on his crotch. He pulled back and gasped which allowed me to see his face.
I dropped my soda and ran out the theatre. I couldn't believe what I just saw, I didn't want to believe it. I was mad at Gerard for getting to Frank first. I was mad at Frank for never telling me he was into guys, but mostly I was mad at myself for being so in love with him.
I want into the bathroom, locking myself in a stall. I stayed in there a good hour taking my anger out on the toilet. The white porcelain showed several scuff marks from where I had kicked it. I finally just collapsed on the floor crying like an overemotional teenage girl. I held in a sob when I heard the bathroom door swing open.
"Mikey?" God, no Frank… not right now. "Are you in here?" No! No one's here. Go back in the theater so Gerard can molest you. "I know you're in here… I can see you sitting on the floor." Damn. He sat on the floor next to my stall. I could see his legs sprawled out in front of him. I was glad he could see my face that was probably tear stained. "You haven't been in the movie." Yes, I was! And if I hadn't been, why are you just noticing now? "I tried to talk to you before the movie, but I didn't get a chance." Because Gerard was eager to suck your face off. "You're my best friend, and I really want to tell you something…"
"What is it?" I knew perfectly well what he wanted to tell me, but he didn't know that I saw him in the theater.
"Well, I'm pretty sure that I'm, um, gay."
"Seriously?" My voice sounded shocked, but I was actually rolling my eyes.
"Yeah… I think that for the past year I've been trying to force myself to be straight, but it's impossible. Do you hate me?"
"Of course not, Frank. I could never hate you." That was the truth. No matter what he did I could get mad at him. Sure, I said I was before, but I was already over it. Just talking to him makes me forget my problems.
"Look, I really like your brother."
Except when he brings them up.
"Really?" I was replaying the image of the two of them together. It was obvious that they were into each other. It's not everyday you make out with a random stranger at the movies.
"Yeah, and I wanted to know if it would like bother you if we-"
"Dated? Not at all. If you like him, I won't be the one to stand in the way." I swallowed the huge lump that had formed in my throat. There was no way this was coming out of my mouth.
"Thanks, Mikey. You're the only one who really listens to me." He stood up and walked swiftly out of the bathroom. When I was sure he was long gone, I stepped out of the stall and wiped away my tears. I knew I was expected to go back in the theater after that little talk, and I did… grudgingly. I was even considering playing sick just so I wouldn't have to go back in there. As I predicted, Gerard and Frank were holding hands, and Gerard had his arm draped over Frank's shoulder. How fucking cute. It's enough to make me barf out every organ in my body.
God, I swear that movie went on and on. I didn't feel the need to actually watch the movie. Gerard had paid for the tickets. If I had paid for it, I would have watched the movie intently and follow the plot closely even if Gerard and Frank were fucking right next to me. Tickets at that theater aren't cheap. Oh, God, mental image of Gerard- IT BURNS! Think of sometime less disturbing, uh… Puppies! Everyone loves puppies. As I was wrapped up in my thoughts about puppies, I hadn't noticed that the movie had ended, and people were filing out of the theater. Frank had to physically shake me out of my thoughts because I was the 'chauffer' after all. I walked out of the building considerably less happier than I had been, but Gerard and Frank came out beaming like idiots.
I was overly eager to get Frank home so he and Gerard would stop their little love fest in the backseat. I was driving about twenty over the speed limit and almost hit a car twice. "We're here," I announced loudly as I pulled in front of Frank's house. I honked the horn when a few minutes had passed without them resurfacing.
"Thanks for the ride," Frank giggled. And I mean he actually giggled. It was quite disturbing actually.
"Let me walk you to the door," Gerard said breathlessly. They both slid out of the car and walked across the front lawn.
It took Gerard five fucking minutes to come back to the car and by then I was fully pissed. "Took you long enough, don't you think?"
"Stop being an ass, Mikey, and be happy for me." He was in the front passenger seat messing with the radio as I drove back home.
"You're only here for a week, Gerard. Don't you think that's it's not the right time to start a relationship?" I slapped his hand away from the radio and turned it off.
"I like the kid; I never said I was going to start a real relationship with him." He turned the radio back on and turned way up.
"Stop it!" I turned the radio back off. "He expects you to, Gerard. He's fifteen, and he's probably never had attention like this. He's going to want a relationship."
"Stop worrying about it, Mikey. I know how to deal with him. Why are you so concerned?"
"He's my best friend, and I've promised to have his back." And I'm madly in love with him.
"If I didn't know better, I would say that you like him." He looked at me with that goddamn smirk plastered on his face.
"Shut up, I'm driving. I need to concentrate." I didn't speak to Gerard the rest of the night.