Debateable Disorder or Subjected to Crappy Parenting?

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Yesterday I did a little research on child(ren) mental health. And I am now seeking out a child physicologist.

Some times I worry Lane has ADD or ADHD so I tried to read up a little while online at work. I learned that most professionals do not like to diagnose a child younger then 5 with either disorder since usually the behaviors the child younger

Comments

[zenin4711]

It sounds like he's just being a 3 year old boy. Boys can be pretty nuts at that age. Personally I'm not a fan of medication for ADD, ADHD, etc. That bias is from being pretty sure I had/have something along those lines and having to learn not simply to deal with it but turn it into an advantage has in my opinion been a primary factor of my career success.

I don't believe it means you can do nothing and it'll all just pass on its own. Part of him working through this age is learning how to control himself, learn how his own mind works, something that you've got to play a large role in (as hugely stressful as it is). If you choose medication make sure it's to help him learn how to control himself and not to help you keep him under control

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I am totally against medicating him unless its purpose is because its preventing him from learning, doing school work, distracting him in school etc. I made this choice without Kevin's input (even though his is the same) simply because I worry that thats what I would be doing - medicating him to control him

[zenin4711]

Whats funny, is he gets along GREAT with kids, never had a hitting or bitting phase but its like he disrepects every adult he meets at some point, especially me. He says hi to strangers but swats, kicks and yells at the people who care about him.....oof....I dunno :( those behaviors inparticular make me wonder if its more of his past getting to him...Talking to a therapist is a good plan, but I have to say this really sounds like a three year old boy. Although there are exceptions, by and large we're just completely impossible at that age. We want everything, but not really, we're picky as hell just to be picky and will make up completely arbitrary rules about what we will and won't eat...typically without actually trying it first. Often what we ate and loved yesterday we've decided, with no reason behind it, to no longer want at all. And you can't convince us otherwise, full stop. We're like cats, minus the cute and the personal hygiene. If he hasn't yet, expect him to soon stop taking baths or brushing his teeth willingly. I

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See I dunno about Kevin. One night after a long stressful evening of trying to get Lane to listen. Calm down. Be nice. Stop hitting me. Go to bed. Stay in bed. I broke down and cried and told Kevin I don't think I was meant to be a mom. And he looks at me and said, you say this while I am becoming a father? I kinda smiled and he reminded me of what I told him..."to have patience and to remember we are all new at this." Which is true. Or its like he'll interact with Lane when I am not around but as soon as I take notice he stops it, like he's trying to keep a wall there. I just don't get why he would want to be so secretive about a bond between him and Lane. Maybe he's worried I'll take it to the next level or rush things? I can see Kevin making more of an effort. Like slowly being more effectionate with Lane. Which I know is what Lane needs....male affection....but I am trying so hard to stand back and not make either one of them force it. Gah, which is really hard

[in_thelight]

I just want to commend you on seeking out a child psychologist. Thats a VERY good idea. You obviously feel way in over your head and that something is a bit off. If your son has adhd or not, a professional should be able to guide you on this, and give you some insight. Also since he's so young and medication isn't a great idea, I think there are a lot of behavior things you can do to help him before it came to medication, and a child psychologist is exactly the person to help you with that! You're a great mom to seek out the help of a professional for your son's well being :) And it's *much* better to do this when he is very young, versus trying to make changes when he's a few years older and has already set very strongly into his patterns.

[seperate_smile]

Thanks :) Thats what I am thinking. Better now than later... I am just very nervous I am going to get ripped off. I mean, I know that a 3 year old has thought patterns and has ideas and what not but I don't want to shell out $85 for the lady to make up something or to spit out some educated guesses or suggestions I could have gotten from a book for less then half the price of a 45 minute session.

I am definately trying to steer clear of medications and move more towards alternative ideas. Like better ways to defuse situations or how to avoid them all together. Or how to appropriately discipline a child that might be more sensitive to certain things.

Still no call back from my first choice psychologist...yet? :)

[x_sky_boy_x]

Mmmmmmmm, fried chicken. :D

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Of course, I may need to talk to you about this again in three years. :D

That made me literally LOL :)

I am all for alternative methods, as I mentioned. But if anything is effecting Lane's school work, focusing in classes or learning I will do what needs to be done, ie medication.

My nephew takes Ritalin only when he is in school because without he can't focus, he disruptes his classmates and just plain ignores common sense. There is a distict difference when he is off and on...infact now that I really think about it, Lane and my nephew Tanner have lots of common characteristics...

Lane also will start preschool in September so maybe they will help me figure things out or help with solving the problem.

[x_sky_boy_x]

Glad I could make you smile. :)

Expect "This baby's been crying for, like, three whole minutes, almost, how does something so small make so much noise?!?!" posts in February.

[brigitte_neal]

All of that ADD / ADHD stuff is bullshit. Its just a kid being a kid. Hes probably just not getting enough exercise or activity to let that energy go. Don't medicate your kid. I've been on medication for EVERYTHING since I was like.. seven and its making me REALLY sick now.

Don't be an overly concerned parent. Its the worst thing you could do.

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I wouldn't say I am overly concerned, hell I am probably one of the more relaxed parents I know.... I just want to make sure I am doing things right as a mom and make sure Lane is growing and developing as he should.

[corizilla]

I think three is a little early to worry about it. Sometimes, I really think Oliver has a problem but then, I have to remind myself how old he is. I'll ask Aaron sometimes, "Do you think something's wrong with him?" and Aaron will just say that he's not old enough to know yet. It just seems like Oliver can be sharp as a tack one minute and then not understand at other times. I have noticed though, when he acts like he doesn't understand...or he ignores, it's mostly to me because if Aaron asks him to do something, he just does it. I think it's because he knows that he can walk on me a little bit. He used to hit me but I started sending him to the corner immediately and that's all stopped. I've tried to stop arguing with him too. At bedtime, I put him to bed. I say goodnight and then when he throws a fit, I just try to ignore it. The fits have almost gone away

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Totally. I have always been laid back with Lane yet it is a rare occassion that I change my mind once its been made, so I doubt Lane thinks he can walk on me but he is a momma's boy so I am sure he thinks he can get away with anything...he hits me and is flat out rude to me sometimes but you're right when Kevin says something, typically Lane just does it.

I tried to get Lane into soccer but they onky had classes available during my work hours. Go figure :\ I'm hoping within the next month or so we can get a membership at the fitness club (in walking distance from our house) so Lane can do some classes there while I do something to get my peace of mind (and sanity) back lol