I worry about this too, but then I think of a talk Br. sam once gave about how sometimes we are left to struggle with our sins because it's good for us and we have to pick and choose our battles. Some are not ready to be fought yet.
"I'm so obsessed with the idea that I can do things on my own that even when I know I'm incapable of changing myself I still try anyways. I know that I can never conquor my own vices and demons without Christ..." The same cry within my own heart...when will we learn? I often wonder if I am afraid of when the time comes where I ask God for His help and then He will answer me. Maybe I do not trust Him as much as the blind man in today's Gospel from Luke-
The people walking in front rebuked him, telling him to be silent, but he kept calling out all the more, “Son of David, have pity on me!” Then Jesus stopped and ordered that he be brought to him; and when he came near, Jesus asked him, “What do you want me to do for you?” He replied, “Lord, please let me see.” Jesus told him, “Have sight; your faith has saved you.”
I wish that I were closer to Jesus But not enough to get me out of bed For an early morning prayer before the Rushes of my life take me instead
Those lyrics by Sara Groves basically sum up my everyday experience of prayer...it sucks to struggle with, but its God's grace allowing us to at least desire to change. Being in another country is tough...especially when you have to make up your own penances. :)
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But it still sucks.
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The people walking in front rebuked him,
telling him to be silent,
but he kept calling out all the more,
“Son of David, have pity on me!”
Then Jesus stopped and ordered that he be brought to him;
and when he came near, Jesus asked him,
“What do you want me to do for you?”
He replied, “Lord, please let me see.”
Jesus told him, “Have sight; your faith has saved you.”
Reply
But not enough to get me out of bed
For an early morning prayer before the
Rushes of my life take me instead
Those lyrics by Sara Groves basically sum up my everyday experience of prayer...it sucks to struggle with, but its God's grace allowing us to at least desire to change. Being in another country is tough...especially when you have to make up your own penances. :)
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