Excised text from the current Carsten fic.

[septemberoses]

As I was writing The Package, the Carsten hurt/comfort fic I just posted, I tried experimenting with characters, POV, etc.  I wrote this 1,000-word snippet and then promptly hacked it out of the fic as being too different in tone.  It's neither graphic nor pornographic.  I don't think it contains a single swear word.  And yet it's … well, awfully

Comments

[berthablue]

That is creepy. I caught myself being like, "aww, how sweet!" and then realized... no, no it isn't sweet at all. Nils just seems so mentally defective, and he's trying SO hard and has no idea why this boy won't enjoy being raped, now that he has lube.

Reminds me of when I was really little and INSISTED that my fish liked being petted, and they were flopping around with joy. (what is it about this situation that inspires goldfish comments, anyway?).

[septemberoses]

Nils is definitely not the sharpest knife in the drawer. I wanted to write something from one of the gang's perspective, and tried to put in a couple other elements (did they feed Carsten? When? How?) And strangely/sadly, this is a *lot* like that goldfish petting, isn't it?

[eleni81]

WOW! It really was powerful! I guess Eric finding out would be worse, right?
Can't wait what it is that he will do to them! Is Godric going to get involved?

[septemberoses]

I'm working on the second part now; so you should know pretty soon. :)

[gruochrua]

You're right--this is waaay creepy, but I so enjoy that. I felt (I hate to admit) some sympathy for Nils right up until the very end, but at the same time his whole attempt at being somewhat considerate seems more awful to me than if he had been outright cruel. He's like accidentally sadistic. I think it's that total disconnect from his victim's feelings that makes this so sinister--I would actually feel less disturbed if Nils was aware of his cruelty but didn't care.

[septemberoses]

I wanted to do a POV of one of the gang members -- not the ringleader but their gofer, a reject even in *their* group. Nils clearly has something wrong with his brain function. And I thought, well, he's the one whose job it is to bring Carsten food, etc. And Nils thinks of himself as "nice." He knows he's being mocked and picked on and he wants to be friendly. And then ... well, that makes the rest of it so ghastly, his idea of friendly. Here's your lunch, and .... look, I brought lube!

[blissy83]

:D, I'm tipsy BTW, but I like this, very creepy indeed

[withoutcolor]

Agreed. Creepy. But good. More please.

[septemberoses]

The next section of this fic is coming along...