Reset (1/1)
Author: serafina19
Title: Reset
Summary: The holidays are supposed to be a time of happiness, but something is keeping Oliver from enjoying New Year’s Eve with the team. Sequel to You’d break your neck to keep your chin up, but can be read as a stand-alone.
Rating: PG
Timeline: New Year’s Eve after “Finale,” but there are AU elements.
Reset
“Thanks again for helping out.”
Chloe knew that she had gone overboard with the Christmas decorations, and it was fun to set up, but it was another matter to take them down. It was a bittersweet feeling, as she had enjoyed the camaraderie and joy of the holidays, but at least it was way better than how she felt this time last year.
This time, she was surrounded by the team, or rather, the team that could make it. Clark and Lois had already left Watchtower, as everyone had agreed that their first Christmas as a married couple should come with perks. That left Chloe, Oliver, Victor and Bart to clean up. Bart in particular made things go by a lot quicker, but the moment he was done, he was quick to go for the leftovers, as he was patrolling tonight.
Victor chuckled at the way Bart dug in before he placed the last of the decorations he was carrying into a box. “It’s the least we could do considering you set this up all on your own.”
“It was worth it to see the look on your faces, trust me,” Chloe said, but as she looked around the room, she noticed the strange look on Oliver’s face. She wanted to ignore it, but even as she looked away, it didn’t seem to work. At least working the comms would help lift her mood, as Bart never ceased to make her smile.
Of course, that didn’t help her in the moment, as Oliver spoke up, “Alright, this has been fun, but I have business to attend to at the clocktower. Everything under control for tonight?”
“Yes bossman,” Bart replied with a mouth full of food. Chloe couldn’t help but laugh, letting Oliver see her nod before he turned to Victor.
“You sticking around too?”
Victor nodded. “I have some stuff I have to do here.”
“In that case,” Oliver said. “Happy New Year.”
He had grinned, but Chloe saw through it. She didn’t know what was going on, as he had seemed in good spirits earlier, it was just in the last twenty minutes that his face had soured.
But there was no way she was letting his problems derail her night, so she walked up to take the comms and relayed to Bart that she was ready. Despite her time away, it really was like riding a bike, as she never forgot the motions of being Watchtower. It was far from her full-time job now, as her focus moved to recruitment, but she wanted to do it tonight. Mainly because she had no other plans, but also for old times’ sake.
In fact, she was almost so absorbed in what she was doing that she didn’t see Victor’s hand extend towards her. When she turned her head, she saw him point to her earpiece. “Take that out.”
She appreciated what he was trying to do, but she wasn’t going to give in. “It’s my night, Cyborg. I’m okay with it.”
Apparently, he wasn’t backing down easily either. “Actually, there’s something you should do.” Chloe narrowed her eyes, about to ask what could be needed, but Victor filled in the blanks for her. “I thought you knew that Queen Industries is closed on New Year’s Eve.”
The last thing she wanted to talk about right now was Oliver, but Victor was right, she did know. “Why would he lie?”
Victor shrugged, turning his body to rest against the console. “At one time, tonight was about getting wasted, then he wanted to spend it with people who mattered to him. A tradition that held until you went missing.”
Chloe wasn’t sure how to take that. It was only two years, but if Victor was right, then his avoidance of Watchtower had two different reasons. “I’m not sure what I have to do with this.”
Of course, Victor scoffed right away, and she had a feeling he knew that she was lying. “You do know that we knew about you two, right?”
“How long?” she asked, knowing better than to deny it. She had her assumptions that the team had known, and had known better than to bring it up, but it actually felt good to know the truth, even now.
He shrugged. “Most of the time.”
Bart had come back online, so Chloe held up a finger to handle the next place for him to stop by. However, Victor hadn’t stopped staring, so once Bart went quiet, she turned to Victor. “You also know that he ended it?”
“That was clear by the way you treated him and the look of complete guilt on his face.” Chloe had turned her head towards him, and he shrugged again before adding, "That’s the problem.”
“What is?”
“He sacrificed your relationship to ensure that you started to feel better.” When Chloe showed signs of surprise, Victor put his hands up in defence. “Don’t get me wrong, it was a crappy tactic, but it worked until you left.”
The last verb was important, as that established a timeline. Still, something wasn’t lining up. “How do you know this?”
“You two sacrifice anything you can to make other people happy,” he said, knowing the decisions they had made that always seemed to impact their own lives the hardest. As things were finally settling down, Victor hoped that maybe things would sort themselves out on their own, but after tonight, he knew that they needed a little push. “Chloe, it’s your turn to put yourself first.”
Her first instinct was to shake her head, as with them, things were never that simple. Even if she told Oliver everything he wanted to hear, she wasn’t sure that was enough. “It was a long time ago.”
That got Victor to grin, which wasn’t her intent. “Which means that you haven’t changed your mind about him.”
The funny thing was that, Chloe wanted to agree with him, but Oliver’s behaviour wasn’t inspiring her to believe that. “He couldn’t even handle patrolling with me tonight.” Which was notable because it was also no secret that Oliver used to take tonight's patrolling shift.
“Exactly,” he said, waiting for her to realize what that really meant, instead of the reason that had taken residence in her mind.
Biting the inside of her lip, Chloe started to see his point. Even if Victor was wrong, there was some good in talking to Oliver tonight. “Fine, I should probably clear the air.”
“Thanks,” he said as Chloe placed the earpiece in his hand. After putting in his own earpiece, he gave Bart the basic overview of the switch. He had complained initially, but Victor had a feeling that he would be more forgiving once he knew the truth.
As he heard her approach the doors, Victor turned towards her. “Hey Chloe.”
“Yeah?”
He grinned at her, knowing what she was about to do. “I’m glad that you’re here this year.”
“Me too, Vic,” she said with a smile before leaving for Watchtower.
~0~
If tonight proved nothing else, it was that Oliver was becoming worse at lying. The glare that Victor gave him before leaving Watchtower pretty much cemented it, and he deserved that look. Oliver thought that he could get through the holidays with her around, but the whole time he was around her, all he could think about was when the other shoe was going to drop.
Time was supposed to heal all wounds, but as they went through some of the old motions, some other memories came to the surface, and that was too tough for him to face. So he returned to a familiar scene from last year. Luckily the weather had panned out again, and he could stand on the terrace, drink in hand, and let the final seconds of the year pass him by without needing eight layers of clothing.
Laughter from the streets below would echo from time to time, and that caused him to grin. Knowing the catastrophes that were avoided in the last year, it was comforting seeing people happy again, even if he couldn’t retrieve that feeling.
“Wow, he wasn’t kidding.”
He almost jumped upon hearing Chloe’s voice from behind him. He couldn’t blame her for that comment, even without context. Oliver wasn’t doing his posture any favours with the way he was standing and his glass wasn’t exactly empty.
“I didn’t hear you come up,” he said, waiting for her to come into view.
That didn’t take long, as she stopped next to him, stretching her arms over the railing. “I doubt you’d hear much of anything when you’re out here like this.”
He grinned at that, taking a sip of his drink to finish the glass. “What are you doing here?” he asked as he put it on the nearby table.
“Victor’s worried about you,” she said, causing him to freeze for a second, “and for some reason, he thinks that I’m a solution.”
If Victor was involved, then there was a simple reason for believing she was a solution. It wasn’t what he wanted to hear, so he laughed quietly, which seemed to surprise her. “I have a feeling I know where this is going.”
“Really? Because he threw me for a loop.”
Oliver shook his head. “I wish he didn’t say anything.” It wasn't that it wasn't his business, it was more because Oliver wanted to be more prepared for a conversation like this. Then again, being unprepared around Chloe was practically par for the course.
It didn't take Chloe long to agree with him though. “I know. It was too long ago right? Things change, people move on. It wasn’t as if we were… anything different.”
It took everything Oliver had not to laugh again. “That was…”
When he couldn't finish that thought, Chloe helped him out. “Awkward? Yeah, sorry about that,” she said, rolling her eyes as she looked away from him.
“Don’t be,” Oliver said, seeing no good on dwelling on the subject. However, he wasn’t about to be a bad host. “You want a drink?”
“No, I’m okay.” She started to drum her fingers against the railing, taking in the silence before saying, “You know that you could have stayed at Watchtower.”
Turning his head back towards the skyline, Oliver grinned. “You remember how you said that birthdays make you reflective? That’s what today does to me.”
Chloe tried to hold it back, but the scoff came nonetheless. When he glanced her way, she shrugged. “And you saw how great I turned out for reflecting alone.”
One could argue that was how this whole mess started, although Oliver would never see it that way. It wasn’t her preference either, but Chloe wasn’t a fool. She knew her part in the problems the team had faced.
“Yeah, but…” She could see Oliver fighting his words, and eventually, his mouth shut. Then he brought a hand up to rub against the back of his neck. “I’m not exactly sure how I can explain this.”
That was understandable. Since she had come back, they hadn’t really talked about this. In fact, as far as Chloe was concerned, they never really got closure about what happened.
Then again, maybe they didn’t really need closure. “You can start by telling me whether Victor was right.”
He had looked to his left, likely wondering if there was still any liquid in his glass. Based on the glance that Chloe gave in response, it didn’t look like that was the case.
That didn’t help him look at her again, so he just chuckled before leaning further against the railing. “That depends on what he told you. But… probably.”
That should have told her enough, but Oliver was right, she had left things too vague. Too afraid to confirm what she thought it meant, she asked the only question that felt safe. “Why?”
“Because I have eyes,” he said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. Technically, the response was, but not in this context. Luckily, he was quick to elaborate. “I know you’re supposed to be this person that everyone is supposed to overlook, but the truth is that you do a really good job blocking out the people that recognize your strengths.”
Honestly, it drove Oliver insane sometimes, because that kept him from breaking down all of her walls, it kept him from believing that their arrangement was good for her in the long-term.
So of course, she picked that moment to remind him that, “I wasn’t the one who ended things between us.”
“I had plenty of reasons for that,” he said, surprised that the words he said that morning weren’t enough. “For one, I was enabling you, which made me sick.”
He swallowed hard, but the lump in his throat remained. Their arrangement was the one time that he was used as a distraction by someone he cared about, and once he realized that, he couldn’t un-see it. As much as he thought about using it to bring her out of her funk, he knew that he wasn’t the right person to help.
“I was also still pretty messed up,” he said. “As much good the Roulette incident did, I still had doubts.”
Most of them were natural, but their encounter with the Justice League had opened up a few wounds, things he had overlooked. Chloe had provided him comfort, but what they had couldn't keep going like that, no matter how happy she made him.
But that was a very different story from how Chloe interpreted things that morning. “In other words, I deserved better,” she said sarcastically, as she hadn’t forgotten what he had said. It burned a hole in her brain for months. “What exactly is better? Because you know that we were kidding ourselves. We had strings, Oliver. I didn’t want to admit it, but you knew, didn’t you?”
That explained the spoon, the scaring the life out of him, it explained everything until he decided to end their arrangement.
“Not right away, but it didn’t take long to realize how close to an actual relationship we had.” By then, the distance was already established, and it sucked for him, however, he believed it would get better one day. The jury was still out on whether he was right. “But you can’t even say that word, so I didn't see much point in fighting for something you clearly don’t want.”
He heard her scoff, so for the first time in awhile, he looked towards her. The look on her face wasn’t one that he expected. “Is that why you bought a satellite and named after me to try and find me? You didn’t want to fight for me?” Oliver attempted to respond, but she beat him to it. “I’m not an idiot, Oliver, I know things between us are complicated, but why do I have to hear about this from Victor? Why couldn’t you tell me?”
That answer wasn't as easy for Oliver to determine, but he tried to be honest. “I didn’t want to screw us up again.” After he called things off, it took a long time for them to get back on the same page. When they finally got there, it almost felt all for nought, as he was taken by Rick Flag’s crew, followed by her trading herself for him.
Even now, Oliver had no idea what that meant. Whether she did it for the team, or for him. Maybe the reason he never asked her was the real reason why he couldn’t stay in Watchtower tonight. “You mean something to me, Chloe, more than I expected… and that scares me.”
Chloe nodded, as she understood that much. “It scares me too.” Her history of attachments hadn’t gone well in the past, but what scared her the most was how well Oliver knew her. It wasn’t like Clark, which was platonic. There was secrets with Jimmy, ulterior motives with Davis.
In fact, she had almost forgot what a healthy relationship looked like. And if someone would have told her that it would be Oliver who would remind her, she would have scoffed. But he brought something out of her, provided a purpose for her when she was facing a confidence crisis. He gave her reason to fight, even when things seemed dire. Someone to talk to when it felt like her whole world was falling apart.
If nothing else, he was always there for her, even if she didn’t want him to.
She shook her head and bit her lip to hold back some of the memories coming back to her. It infuriated her, realizing how things had gotten to this point. So much that she blurted, “You want to know what makes this so stupid? If you hadn’t cut out the transmission at Earth station...”
When he changed his expression, Chloe immediately stopped talking. Sure enough, he found his voice first. “What?”
At this point, Chloe knew that she couldn’t backtrack entirely. “I wasn’t supposed to hear it, was I? I mean, it was pretty quiet, but I played it back to be sure.” When he started to recognize what she was talking about, Chloe swallowed hard. “You were right, things were messed up, and I wanted to fix things after the Zod battle, because, I mean, you bought me a satellite.”
Then things got even messier, because when it came to their lives, nothing was straightforward. “I still can’t believe that Flag accepted my offer. You have to know, there was no way in hell I was letting you believe that I suffered because of you. And the moment I could come back, I did.”
And in that moment, she saw how he looked at her. It was weirdly familiar to the moment right now, as he realized exactly what she had heard. But she also knew what question was next.
So she stalled him by continuing to fill him in on her side of things. “Once things settled down, Clark and Lois’ wedding took precedence. Apokolips may have ruined the first attempt, but you saw how determined Lois was to making things work the second time.”
He nodded a few times, and Chloe waited for him to speak. “That still leaves four months,” he said, and she couldn’t blame the frustrated tone his words held. “That still leaves the period of time when you left on your own, without even saying goodbye through a cyanide antidote.”
All this time, Chloe figured it had been too easy, explaining to people her reasoning why she had left last time, why she had returned a few months ago. Before, people were so happy that she was back, that no one had questioned her reason to leave. Not even Oliver. Now was a different matter, likely because the new recruits was the reason she hid behind. It wasn’t the full reason she left while Clark and Lois were on their honeymoon.
“I couldn’t jump into something Ollie, I had changed.” Doomsday was different, as everyone had changed together, but what she went through after trading herself for Oliver was something she didn’t share with anyone. “I needed time to figure out what my life was, and while, yes, I admit that leaving was a mistake, it was one I had to make.”
Besides, it wasn’t like it had taken her long to come back. Again. “I mean, it wasn’t a huge loss, was it? Bruce has proved valuable, Diana is -”
“What are you doing here, Chloe?”
That was a good question. While what she had told him earlier was true, if she was really worried, she could have told Victor that she would deal with it another day. However, there was something that kept her from saying that. “I spent the holidays alone last year. Even if it’s just one night, I don’t want that for any member of the team.”
It wasn’t probably what Victor had in mind, but she didn’t care. Although, even that reason didn’t feel right anymore, as the recent run-through of their history had changed her motivations.
“I know that things haven’t been the easiest between us, but I don’t want my presence to keep you from doing things that you enjoy.” That was probably the point that hurt most. It was one thing for Oliver to miss out because she was missing. But this time, she was here… and he had still left. “Maybe this year… we can make things right.”
Her breathing started to feel heavy, so she took a few steps back. Part of her wanted to look away, but she couldn’t stop watching Oliver. She had rattled off quite a few points, and as much as she knew that things couldn’t be fixed overnight, Chloe had to know where they stood.
The problem was that Oliver was struggling with that. He couldn’t stopping thinking about when she had walked into Watchtower a few months ago, the day when she told her story of why she had left again. This story felt a little different.
Oliver closed his eyes momentarily, still trying to piece together everything, but one point stood out from the rest. “If I was always enough for you, how could you think that wouldn’t be the same for me? If you knew all this, then why not come clean when you came back?”
“After everything that had happened, I figured we missed our chance,” she said, a response that almost seemed rehearsed. “Wouldn’t be the first time I’ve had bad timing.”
As he opened his mouth again, they were interrupted by a chorus of people counting down to the new year around them. She had turned her head to look at the streets below, the building anticipation for the fireworks.
Seeing them light up the sky was almost enough for her to forget all the stuff she had admitted to him. One of the perks of Oliver's terrace having one of the best views in the city.
Of course, if she had asked Oliver, he would say that his view was better. Because as much as he wanted to further his point, seeing the way her face relaxed stopped him. He was quickly reminded of how much he loved seeing her smile and he didn’t want her to stop. But he didn’t want her to leave without a proper resolution to this problem.
When the fireworks inevitably died down, her lips had pursed, as if it was the final moment of an intermission in a fight. But the second their eyes met again, he didn’t want to fight anymore. “Screw it,” he muttered, as the more he thought about it, enough had been said, and they had spent enough time in the past.
Taking a few steps towards her, he said, “You want to make things right?”
She streamed a hand through her hair, glad that was where he wanted to start things, but skeptical of the mood remaining like this. “I can’t do this back and forth anymore. I thought we were past all this.”
“Me too.”
She was relieved to see him smile a little, and despite her resolve, she felt herself return the expression. But it wouldn’t last, as there still were things they had to figure out. “So what’s the plan?”
It didn’t shock him that she would immediately think of a plan, instead of just letting herself be happy. However, he took this as an opportunity. “It’s not much. All I want is for you not to leave again. Or if you have to… take me with you.” He pursed his lips before adding, “You may not want anyone alone for the holidays, but I don’t want you to feel alone ever again.”
She thought about it for a second. “I can’t promise anything…”
As if she expected him to say something, her finger shot up, emphasizing, “But.” That was enough for Oliver to close his mouth, satisfying her. “But if I do leave, how about someone always knows where I am and I stay in touch? After all, we’ve heard what the future looked like once. If ever things get dire, we may have resort to desperate situations.”
Oliver couldn’t help but laugh. “Even now, you’re always looking ten steps ahead.”
“I have to,” Chloe said. She wouldn’t have survived this far without it.
He nodded. “Okay, that’s a workable compromise. What about you?”
Chloe took a second to think about what she wanted. They had covered a lot of ground, or rather, she had, but there was one thing still bothering her. Apparently she had built a reputation of underestimating herself, but she wasn’t the only one.
“What I deserve… that’s not determined by you,” she said, her eyes flickering down to his hands. Taking a step forward, she reached to take them in her hands. “Ollie, I don’t make decisions lightly, but even if I stumble, I need you to trust me. Because when I want something…”
Again, she felt her words stop, but this time, it was because Oliver had touched his forehead to hers. “Deal.”
With a smirk, she brought her eyes back up. She couldn’t see much of his face, but his smile was enough for now. As she wrapped her arms around him, the pit in her stomach started to subside and she finally started to believe that this year had a promising beginning.
~End~
Sera’s Scribbles: So I wanted to write a New Year’s fic (as apparently I can’t write a Christmas fic), and “Chin Up” gave me a good jumping off point, even if it proves that I can’t just leave an unhappy ending. Hopefully you enjoyed, but regardless, even if it’s late (because I got carried away)… Happy New Year everyone!!!
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Title: Reset
Summary: The holidays are supposed to be a time of happiness, but something is keeping Oliver from enjoying New Year’s Eve with the team. Sequel to You’d break your neck to keep your chin up, but can be read as a stand-alone.
Rating: PG
Timeline: New Year’s Eve after “Finale,” but there are AU elements.
Reset
“Thanks again for helping out.”
Chloe knew that she had gone overboard with the Christmas decorations, and it was fun to set up, but it was another matter to take them down. It was a bittersweet feeling, as she had enjoyed the camaraderie and joy of the holidays, but at least it was way better than how she felt this time last year.
This time, she was surrounded by the team, or rather, the team that could make it. Clark and Lois had already left Watchtower, as everyone had agreed that their first Christmas as a married couple should come with perks. That left Chloe, Oliver, Victor and Bart to clean up. Bart in particular made things go by a lot quicker, but the moment he was done, he was quick to go for the leftovers, as he was patrolling tonight.
Victor chuckled at the way Bart dug in before he placed the last of the decorations he was carrying into a box. “It’s the least we could do considering you set this up all on your own.”
“It was worth it to see the look on your faces, trust me,” Chloe said, but as she looked around the room, she noticed the strange look on Oliver’s face. She wanted to ignore it, but even as she looked away, it didn’t seem to work. At least working the comms would help lift her mood, as Bart never ceased to make her smile.
Of course, that didn’t help her in the moment, as Oliver spoke up, “Alright, this has been fun, but I have business to attend to at the clocktower. Everything under control for tonight?”
“Yes bossman,” Bart replied with a mouth full of food. Chloe couldn’t help but laugh, letting Oliver see her nod before he turned to Victor.
“You sticking around too?”
Victor nodded. “I have some stuff I have to do here.”
“In that case,” Oliver said. “Happy New Year.”
He had grinned, but Chloe saw through it. She didn’t know what was going on, as he had seemed in good spirits earlier, it was just in the last twenty minutes that his face had soured.
But there was no way she was letting his problems derail her night, so she walked up to take the comms and relayed to Bart that she was ready. Despite her time away, it really was like riding a bike, as she never forgot the motions of being Watchtower. It was far from her full-time job now, as her focus moved to recruitment, but she wanted to do it tonight. Mainly because she had no other plans, but also for old times’ sake.
In fact, she was almost so absorbed in what she was doing that she didn’t see Victor’s hand extend towards her. When she turned her head, she saw him point to her earpiece. “Take that out.”
She appreciated what he was trying to do, but she wasn’t going to give in. “It’s my night, Cyborg. I’m okay with it.”
Apparently, he wasn’t backing down easily either. “Actually, there’s something you should do.” Chloe narrowed her eyes, about to ask what could be needed, but Victor filled in the blanks for her. “I thought you knew that Queen Industries is closed on New Year’s Eve.”
The last thing she wanted to talk about right now was Oliver, but Victor was right, she did know. “Why would he lie?”
Victor shrugged, turning his body to rest against the console. “At one time, tonight was about getting wasted, then he wanted to spend it with people who mattered to him. A tradition that held until you went missing.”
Chloe wasn’t sure how to take that. It was only two years, but if Victor was right, then his avoidance of Watchtower had two different reasons. “I’m not sure what I have to do with this.”
Of course, Victor scoffed right away, and she had a feeling he knew that she was lying. “You do know that we knew about you two, right?”
“How long?” she asked, knowing better than to deny it. She had her assumptions that the team had known, and had known better than to bring it up, but it actually felt good to know the truth, even now.
He shrugged. “Most of the time.”
Bart had come back online, so Chloe held up a finger to handle the next place for him to stop by. However, Victor hadn’t stopped staring, so once Bart went quiet, she turned to Victor. “You also know that he ended it?”
“That was clear by the way you treated him and the look of complete guilt on his face.” Chloe had turned her head towards him, and he shrugged again before adding, "That’s the problem.”
“What is?”
“He sacrificed your relationship to ensure that you started to feel better.” When Chloe showed signs of surprise, Victor put his hands up in defence. “Don’t get me wrong, it was a crappy tactic, but it worked until you left.”
The last verb was important, as that established a timeline. Still, something wasn’t lining up. “How do you know this?”
“You two sacrifice anything you can to make other people happy,” he said, knowing the decisions they had made that always seemed to impact their own lives the hardest. As things were finally settling down, Victor hoped that maybe things would sort themselves out on their own, but after tonight, he knew that they needed a little push. “Chloe, it’s your turn to put yourself first.”
Her first instinct was to shake her head, as with them, things were never that simple. Even if she told Oliver everything he wanted to hear, she wasn’t sure that was enough. “It was a long time ago.”
That got Victor to grin, which wasn’t her intent. “Which means that you haven’t changed your mind about him.”
The funny thing was that, Chloe wanted to agree with him, but Oliver’s behaviour wasn’t inspiring her to believe that. “He couldn’t even handle patrolling with me tonight.” Which was notable because it was also no secret that Oliver used to take tonight's patrolling shift.
“Exactly,” he said, waiting for her to realize what that really meant, instead of the reason that had taken residence in her mind.
Biting the inside of her lip, Chloe started to see his point. Even if Victor was wrong, there was some good in talking to Oliver tonight. “Fine, I should probably clear the air.”
“Thanks,” he said as Chloe placed the earpiece in his hand. After putting in his own earpiece, he gave Bart the basic overview of the switch. He had complained initially, but Victor had a feeling that he would be more forgiving once he knew the truth.
As he heard her approach the doors, Victor turned towards her. “Hey Chloe.”
“Yeah?”
He grinned at her, knowing what she was about to do. “I’m glad that you’re here this year.”
“Me too, Vic,” she said with a smile before leaving for Watchtower.
~0~
If tonight proved nothing else, it was that Oliver was becoming worse at lying. The glare that Victor gave him before leaving Watchtower pretty much cemented it, and he deserved that look. Oliver thought that he could get through the holidays with her around, but the whole time he was around her, all he could think about was when the other shoe was going to drop.
Time was supposed to heal all wounds, but as they went through some of the old motions, some other memories came to the surface, and that was too tough for him to face. So he returned to a familiar scene from last year. Luckily the weather had panned out again, and he could stand on the terrace, drink in hand, and let the final seconds of the year pass him by without needing eight layers of clothing.
Laughter from the streets below would echo from time to time, and that caused him to grin. Knowing the catastrophes that were avoided in the last year, it was comforting seeing people happy again, even if he couldn’t retrieve that feeling.
“Wow, he wasn’t kidding.”
He almost jumped upon hearing Chloe’s voice from behind him. He couldn’t blame her for that comment, even without context. Oliver wasn’t doing his posture any favours with the way he was standing and his glass wasn’t exactly empty.
“I didn’t hear you come up,” he said, waiting for her to come into view.
That didn’t take long, as she stopped next to him, stretching her arms over the railing. “I doubt you’d hear much of anything when you’re out here like this.”
He grinned at that, taking a sip of his drink to finish the glass. “What are you doing here?” he asked as he put it on the nearby table.
“Victor’s worried about you,” she said, causing him to freeze for a second, “and for some reason, he thinks that I’m a solution.”
If Victor was involved, then there was a simple reason for believing she was a solution. It wasn’t what he wanted to hear, so he laughed quietly, which seemed to surprise her. “I have a feeling I know where this is going.”
“Really? Because he threw me for a loop.”
Oliver shook his head. “I wish he didn’t say anything.” It wasn't that it wasn't his business, it was more because Oliver wanted to be more prepared for a conversation like this. Then again, being unprepared around Chloe was practically par for the course.
It didn't take Chloe long to agree with him though. “I know. It was too long ago right? Things change, people move on. It wasn’t as if we were… anything different.”
It took everything Oliver had not to laugh again. “That was…”
When he couldn't finish that thought, Chloe helped him out. “Awkward? Yeah, sorry about that,” she said, rolling her eyes as she looked away from him.
“Don’t be,” Oliver said, seeing no good on dwelling on the subject. However, he wasn’t about to be a bad host. “You want a drink?”
“No, I’m okay.” She started to drum her fingers against the railing, taking in the silence before saying, “You know that you could have stayed at Watchtower.”
Turning his head back towards the skyline, Oliver grinned. “You remember how you said that birthdays make you reflective? That’s what today does to me.”
Chloe tried to hold it back, but the scoff came nonetheless. When he glanced her way, she shrugged. “And you saw how great I turned out for reflecting alone.”
One could argue that was how this whole mess started, although Oliver would never see it that way. It wasn’t her preference either, but Chloe wasn’t a fool. She knew her part in the problems the team had faced.
“Yeah, but…” She could see Oliver fighting his words, and eventually, his mouth shut. Then he brought a hand up to rub against the back of his neck. “I’m not exactly sure how I can explain this.”
That was understandable. Since she had come back, they hadn’t really talked about this. In fact, as far as Chloe was concerned, they never really got closure about what happened.
Then again, maybe they didn’t really need closure. “You can start by telling me whether Victor was right.”
He had looked to his left, likely wondering if there was still any liquid in his glass. Based on the glance that Chloe gave in response, it didn’t look like that was the case.
That didn’t help him look at her again, so he just chuckled before leaning further against the railing. “That depends on what he told you. But… probably.”
That should have told her enough, but Oliver was right, she had left things too vague. Too afraid to confirm what she thought it meant, she asked the only question that felt safe. “Why?”
“Because I have eyes,” he said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. Technically, the response was, but not in this context. Luckily, he was quick to elaborate. “I know you’re supposed to be this person that everyone is supposed to overlook, but the truth is that you do a really good job blocking out the people that recognize your strengths.”
Honestly, it drove Oliver insane sometimes, because that kept him from breaking down all of her walls, it kept him from believing that their arrangement was good for her in the long-term.
So of course, she picked that moment to remind him that, “I wasn’t the one who ended things between us.”
“I had plenty of reasons for that,” he said, surprised that the words he said that morning weren’t enough. “For one, I was enabling you, which made me sick.”
He swallowed hard, but the lump in his throat remained. Their arrangement was the one time that he was used as a distraction by someone he cared about, and once he realized that, he couldn’t un-see it. As much as he thought about using it to bring her out of her funk, he knew that he wasn’t the right person to help.
“I was also still pretty messed up,” he said. “As much good the Roulette incident did, I still had doubts.”
Most of them were natural, but their encounter with the Justice League had opened up a few wounds, things he had overlooked. Chloe had provided him comfort, but what they had couldn't keep going like that, no matter how happy she made him.
But that was a very different story from how Chloe interpreted things that morning. “In other words, I deserved better,” she said sarcastically, as she hadn’t forgotten what he had said. It burned a hole in her brain for months. “What exactly is better? Because you know that we were kidding ourselves. We had strings, Oliver. I didn’t want to admit it, but you knew, didn’t you?”
That explained the spoon, the scaring the life out of him, it explained everything until he decided to end their arrangement.
“Not right away, but it didn’t take long to realize how close to an actual relationship we had.” By then, the distance was already established, and it sucked for him, however, he believed it would get better one day. The jury was still out on whether he was right. “But you can’t even say that word, so I didn't see much point in fighting for something you clearly don’t want.”
He heard her scoff, so for the first time in awhile, he looked towards her. The look on her face wasn’t one that he expected. “Is that why you bought a satellite and named after me to try and find me? You didn’t want to fight for me?” Oliver attempted to respond, but she beat him to it. “I’m not an idiot, Oliver, I know things between us are complicated, but why do I have to hear about this from Victor? Why couldn’t you tell me?”
That answer wasn't as easy for Oliver to determine, but he tried to be honest. “I didn’t want to screw us up again.” After he called things off, it took a long time for them to get back on the same page. When they finally got there, it almost felt all for nought, as he was taken by Rick Flag’s crew, followed by her trading herself for him.
Even now, Oliver had no idea what that meant. Whether she did it for the team, or for him. Maybe the reason he never asked her was the real reason why he couldn’t stay in Watchtower tonight. “You mean something to me, Chloe, more than I expected… and that scares me.”
Chloe nodded, as she understood that much. “It scares me too.” Her history of attachments hadn’t gone well in the past, but what scared her the most was how well Oliver knew her. It wasn’t like Clark, which was platonic. There was secrets with Jimmy, ulterior motives with Davis.
In fact, she had almost forgot what a healthy relationship looked like. And if someone would have told her that it would be Oliver who would remind her, she would have scoffed. But he brought something out of her, provided a purpose for her when she was facing a confidence crisis. He gave her reason to fight, even when things seemed dire. Someone to talk to when it felt like her whole world was falling apart.
If nothing else, he was always there for her, even if she didn’t want him to.
She shook her head and bit her lip to hold back some of the memories coming back to her. It infuriated her, realizing how things had gotten to this point. So much that she blurted, “You want to know what makes this so stupid? If you hadn’t cut out the transmission at Earth station...”
When he changed his expression, Chloe immediately stopped talking. Sure enough, he found his voice first. “What?”
At this point, Chloe knew that she couldn’t backtrack entirely. “I wasn’t supposed to hear it, was I? I mean, it was pretty quiet, but I played it back to be sure.” When he started to recognize what she was talking about, Chloe swallowed hard. “You were right, things were messed up, and I wanted to fix things after the Zod battle, because, I mean, you bought me a satellite.”
Then things got even messier, because when it came to their lives, nothing was straightforward. “I still can’t believe that Flag accepted my offer. You have to know, there was no way in hell I was letting you believe that I suffered because of you. And the moment I could come back, I did.”
And in that moment, she saw how he looked at her. It was weirdly familiar to the moment right now, as he realized exactly what she had heard. But she also knew what question was next.
So she stalled him by continuing to fill him in on her side of things. “Once things settled down, Clark and Lois’ wedding took precedence. Apokolips may have ruined the first attempt, but you saw how determined Lois was to making things work the second time.”
He nodded a few times, and Chloe waited for him to speak. “That still leaves four months,” he said, and she couldn’t blame the frustrated tone his words held. “That still leaves the period of time when you left on your own, without even saying goodbye through a cyanide antidote.”
All this time, Chloe figured it had been too easy, explaining to people her reasoning why she had left last time, why she had returned a few months ago. Before, people were so happy that she was back, that no one had questioned her reason to leave. Not even Oliver. Now was a different matter, likely because the new recruits was the reason she hid behind. It wasn’t the full reason she left while Clark and Lois were on their honeymoon.
“I couldn’t jump into something Ollie, I had changed.” Doomsday was different, as everyone had changed together, but what she went through after trading herself for Oliver was something she didn’t share with anyone. “I needed time to figure out what my life was, and while, yes, I admit that leaving was a mistake, it was one I had to make.”
Besides, it wasn’t like it had taken her long to come back. Again. “I mean, it wasn’t a huge loss, was it? Bruce has proved valuable, Diana is -”
“What are you doing here, Chloe?”
That was a good question. While what she had told him earlier was true, if she was really worried, she could have told Victor that she would deal with it another day. However, there was something that kept her from saying that. “I spent the holidays alone last year. Even if it’s just one night, I don’t want that for any member of the team.”
It wasn’t probably what Victor had in mind, but she didn’t care. Although, even that reason didn’t feel right anymore, as the recent run-through of their history had changed her motivations.
“I know that things haven’t been the easiest between us, but I don’t want my presence to keep you from doing things that you enjoy.” That was probably the point that hurt most. It was one thing for Oliver to miss out because she was missing. But this time, she was here… and he had still left. “Maybe this year… we can make things right.”
Her breathing started to feel heavy, so she took a few steps back. Part of her wanted to look away, but she couldn’t stop watching Oliver. She had rattled off quite a few points, and as much as she knew that things couldn’t be fixed overnight, Chloe had to know where they stood.
The problem was that Oliver was struggling with that. He couldn’t stopping thinking about when she had walked into Watchtower a few months ago, the day when she told her story of why she had left again. This story felt a little different.
Oliver closed his eyes momentarily, still trying to piece together everything, but one point stood out from the rest. “If I was always enough for you, how could you think that wouldn’t be the same for me? If you knew all this, then why not come clean when you came back?”
“After everything that had happened, I figured we missed our chance,” she said, a response that almost seemed rehearsed. “Wouldn’t be the first time I’ve had bad timing.”
As he opened his mouth again, they were interrupted by a chorus of people counting down to the new year around them. She had turned her head to look at the streets below, the building anticipation for the fireworks.
Seeing them light up the sky was almost enough for her to forget all the stuff she had admitted to him. One of the perks of Oliver's terrace having one of the best views in the city.
Of course, if she had asked Oliver, he would say that his view was better. Because as much as he wanted to further his point, seeing the way her face relaxed stopped him. He was quickly reminded of how much he loved seeing her smile and he didn’t want her to stop. But he didn’t want her to leave without a proper resolution to this problem.
When the fireworks inevitably died down, her lips had pursed, as if it was the final moment of an intermission in a fight. But the second their eyes met again, he didn’t want to fight anymore. “Screw it,” he muttered, as the more he thought about it, enough had been said, and they had spent enough time in the past.
Taking a few steps towards her, he said, “You want to make things right?”
She streamed a hand through her hair, glad that was where he wanted to start things, but skeptical of the mood remaining like this. “I can’t do this back and forth anymore. I thought we were past all this.”
“Me too.”
She was relieved to see him smile a little, and despite her resolve, she felt herself return the expression. But it wouldn’t last, as there still were things they had to figure out. “So what’s the plan?”
It didn’t shock him that she would immediately think of a plan, instead of just letting herself be happy. However, he took this as an opportunity. “It’s not much. All I want is for you not to leave again. Or if you have to… take me with you.” He pursed his lips before adding, “You may not want anyone alone for the holidays, but I don’t want you to feel alone ever again.”
She thought about it for a second. “I can’t promise anything…”
As if she expected him to say something, her finger shot up, emphasizing, “But.” That was enough for Oliver to close his mouth, satisfying her. “But if I do leave, how about someone always knows where I am and I stay in touch? After all, we’ve heard what the future looked like once. If ever things get dire, we may have resort to desperate situations.”
Oliver couldn’t help but laugh. “Even now, you’re always looking ten steps ahead.”
“I have to,” Chloe said. She wouldn’t have survived this far without it.
He nodded. “Okay, that’s a workable compromise. What about you?”
Chloe took a second to think about what she wanted. They had covered a lot of ground, or rather, she had, but there was one thing still bothering her. Apparently she had built a reputation of underestimating herself, but she wasn’t the only one.
“What I deserve… that’s not determined by you,” she said, her eyes flickering down to his hands. Taking a step forward, she reached to take them in her hands. “Ollie, I don’t make decisions lightly, but even if I stumble, I need you to trust me. Because when I want something…”
Again, she felt her words stop, but this time, it was because Oliver had touched his forehead to hers. “Deal.”
With a smirk, she brought her eyes back up. She couldn’t see much of his face, but his smile was enough for now. As she wrapped her arms around him, the pit in her stomach started to subside and she finally started to believe that this year had a promising beginning.
~End~
Sera’s Scribbles: So I wanted to write a New Year’s fic (as apparently I can’t write a Christmas fic), and “Chin Up” gave me a good jumping off point, even if it proves that I can’t just leave an unhappy ending. Hopefully you enjoyed, but regardless, even if it’s late (because I got carried away)… Happy New Year everyone!!!
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