pictures2words Fic: Wayward Son
Title: Wayward Son
Fandom: Supernatural
Artist: kj_svala
Author: seramercury
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 5,909 words
Summary: AU where Sam struggles with his inner demons after being brought back to life because of Dean’s deal.
Warnings: Violence, language
Author's Notes: This fic was inspired by an awesome piece of art (which is reflected in my icon) by kj_svala. I want to thank her for the inspiration and I am very happy to have met her and to have a new friend on my friend's list. You're made of awesome! And, of course, thank you to scarletsherlock for the beta!! You too are made of awesome! :)
“How certain are you that what you brought back is 100% pure Sam? You of all people should know that what’s dead should stay dead.”
~Azazel, “All Hell Breaks Loose”
The exhausted hunters made it back to Bobby’s in one piece, even if they all felt as though they were about to fall apart. Sam was the first to head to the bathroom so Ellen decided she would check on Dean. She asked Bobby to get his first aid kit.
“Sit down before you fall down,” Ellen said, leading Dean to the couch. He seemed to be running on autopilot as he followed her instruction. “Dean, answer me!”
He blinked. Dean’s expression was not unlike that of a small child asking his mother to put everything back the way it was supposed to be. Bobby had told her, in confidence of course, what Dean had done for Sam.
She placed a hand on his cheek and he leaned into it. “Tired,” he finally said.
“I know, honey, but we gotta clean you up first and then you can rest.”
“I’m sorry… I just…”
Bobby, who had come back with the items requested, shared a glance with Ellen. “What’re you apologizing for, Dean?”
But Dean didn’t respond because he had lost consciousness. Ellen took a deep breath. “We should probably get him to a hospital, Bobby,” she said as she cleaned his head wound.
“He ain’t gonna like that!”
“Of course he won’t, but Sam had to pull the car over twice when Dean got sick and now he's unconscious! He needs to get a scan to make sure there’s no bleeding in there.”
Just then Sam came down stairs looking a bit pale, but not bad for a dead guy, Bobby thought. “What’s going on?” the younger Winchester asked.
“Ellen wants to take your brother to the hospital.”
Sam was quiet as if weighing his options. He felt a brief moment of anger at his brother and he couldn’t figure out why, but it was gone as quickly as it had come. “Dean isn’t gonna like that.”
“So I’ve been told,” Ellen said, looking over at Bobby.
“Help me get him up, Sam. We should probably go before he wakes up and tries to change our minds.”
An hour later they were waiting for Dean to be brought back after his scans. He had regained consciousness while the doctor was checking him over. The doctor had become concerned at how slurred Dean’s speech was and ordered an MRI right away.
Bobby sat next to Ellen, holding her hand. He exchanged a glance with her, indicating Sam with his head. Sam was sitting in the corner of the waiting room almost brooding. He didn’t seem to have the air of concern he usually did where Dean was concerned.
“Mr. Singer, your son is asking for you,” a nurse said, stepping in front of him. Bobby nodded and followed her down the hall.
Ellen took the opportunity to check on Sam. She hadn’t known the boys long but something told her that Dean would normally have asked for his little brother. Speaking of Sam, he hadn’t moved an inch from where he was sitting and it was starting to concern her.
“Sam,” She said, placing a hand on his shoulder.
“Don’t, Ellen.”
“What?”
“I don’t want to be coddled, okay?” he growled, getting to his feet. “Dean fucked up everything!”
Ellen stared at him, completely stunned. “I know your brother isn’t a saint, Sam, but he destroyed that demon that killed your parents. How did he fuck everything up?”
Sam shook his head. “No! No, I am not going to tell you because you already know! Bobby knows too but he won’t say anything either. Dean’s the good soldier, just like he wants everyone to believe. Just like he led Dad to believe!”
Before Ellen could say anything in reply, Sam rushed down the hall to the emergency exit. She stared after him for a long time, jumping when she felt a hand on her shoulder. “Dean’s awake, confused as hell, but he’s awake. He’s asking for Sam.”
“Bobby, Sam left.”
“What?”
“He just went on a rampage saying Dean fucked up and then ran off. I don’t know what caused him to say that. And I am not going to pretend to understand what he’s going through, but something just isn’t right, Bobby.”
“You think when Dean made that deal Sam didn’t come back the way he used to be.”
Ellen sighed. “No, I don’t think he did.”
********
Sam stormed outside. He wasn’t sure where this sudden rage was coming from and why he couldn’t seem to control it. He shouldn’t have yelled at Ellen like that and he knew Dean did nothing wrong. Dean destroyed the one thing that led their family into the hunt so Sam should be happy, right?
He was, in away, but Sam was also pissed. He was the one who was supposed to kill that fucking demon. Not Dean. He was the one who was supposed to avenge his mother’s death. The mother he never really knew. He was the one who was supposed to avenge Jessica, the love of his life.
Not Dean.
The rage came back full force and he began to run. He just ran and ran until he was tired and the rage had subsided somewhat. Sam had never felt this way before, not even for what his Dad put both Dean and him through growing up. He didn’t know what was going on and it scared him.
Dean was going to have to kill him but he knew his brother would never do that unless there was no chance of saving him and even that was far-fetched, in Dean's mind.
Sam took several deep breaths to try and calm himself down. Once he did he looked around. He was about a mile from Bobby's. Deciding it would probably be best to get Bobby's truck, Sam headed there. He stood silently staring at Bobby's home.
Home. What he wouldn't give to have a home. Dean always thought of the Impala as home but Sam didn't.
The first and only home he had was with Jessica and that was taken away from him by Azazel. No, it was taken away from him by Dean. From the way things had played out, even though he had the dreams, they were never necessarily meant for him to believe they were premonitions. For all he knew they were nightmares. A nightmare that came true definitely, but a nightmare nonetheless.
Again this rage against Dean grew. If his brother hadn't dragged him out to Jericho on a wild goose chase to find their father, Sam knew he would have been able to save Jessica. He knew she wouldn't have died or, if anything, he would have died with her in the fire.
Dean had killed Azazel, denying Sam the revenge that was rightfully his. Sam felt the anger rolling through his veins once again and knew that if he was ever going to be rid of it, rid of the hate and despair that consumed him, he was going to have to kill his brother.
His cell phone echoed through the night and nearly caused him to jump in surprise. He really shouldn't be surprised, but that didn't matter. If he was going to do anything, he had to make them all believe he was all right.
"Bobby," he said, trying to sound like he'd been crying.
"Where are you at, Sam?"
"I just had to get out of there for a minute, ya know? Is Ellen all right?"
Bobby sighed. "She's fine. Confused as hell, but fine. She told me what you said; what's gotten into you?"
"I was just... I don't know, overwhelmed by everything is all. How's Dean doing?"
"He has a concussion like we all suspected, but he doesn't remember the last 48 hours and you know what that means, right?"
Sam's upper lip quirked into a smile, but he still made it sound like he was distraught. "He still thinks I'm dead."
"Yeah, so maybe you wanna get over here now, because not only do we have to tell him you're alive, we also have to tell him he's going to Hell in a year."
“Be there in 20 minutes, Bobby," Sam replied, closing his phone.
He realized the thought was not as upsetting as it should be. In fact, he found himself looking forward to it. He liked the idea of making Dean suffer as much as Mom had suffered, as much as Jess had suffered. This was going to be fun.
**********
"Is he all right?" Ellen asked.
"Yeah. He said he felt overwhelmed, but he's on his way back."
She nodded but she wasn't so sure about it. Something was way off with Sam Winchester. True she hadn't known him very long, but from what she had heard from John and Bobby, what happened was far from the young man they had described. She wondered if it had something to do with the fact that Dean brought him back to life. She couldn't very well say that, though.
"I'm going to wait in the lobby for Sam," Bobby said, standing up.
"We'll be here," Ellen replied, glancing over at Dean as he slept.
The doctor said a nurse would come in to wake him every half hour to make sure he didn't slip into a coma. Standard procedure for a concussion, Ellen knew. Sometimes she wished she didn't know because that would mean she would still have her husband and she wouldn't have gotten into such a huge fight with her daughter about hunting.
Dean moaned something unintelligible that pulled Ellen from her thoughts. She strained to hear what he was saying. She took Dean's hand in hers, placing the other on his forehead like she used to do for Jo when she was sick.
"Dean, honey, it's all right."
"Couldn't save him," Dean whispered, but when his eyes didn't open, Ellen knew he was dreaming. "Supposed to keep him safe. Gotta save Sammy..."
Tears formed in Ellen's eyes as she listened to him. Dean had never sounded more vulnerable to her than right now, more like a child than his adult self. Her heart ached over the childhood he had, no doubt, lost because of John Winchester's need for revenge. She felt sorry for him, but could not forgive him for his lack of judgment when it came to his sons.
Not that she was really one to talk about raising kids. After all Jo had run off to manage a bar on her own and was most likely hunting on the side just like her own daddy. Deciding that the young man didn't need to go through the nightmare of losing Sam again, Ellen attempted to wake him up.
"Dean, wake up now. Come on, Dean."
He heard a familiar voice and blinked his eyes open. "Ellen?"
"Yeah."
"Not the first choice I wanna wake up to, but not my last either."
Ellen stared at him for a moment, trying to gauge whether or not he was joking. When Dean added a sly grin she knew and smacked his arm. "You're lucky you're injured because I would so kick your ass for that!"
"Where's Bobby?" he asked looking around.
"He went to meet someone out in the lobby," Ellen replied. "Dean..."
"What?"
Ellen took a deep breath before responding. "Sam's alive."
"What?" he said again. "Ellen, I don't think I heard you right. You said Sam is alive. How is that even possible? He was dead. I saw him die, Ellen! This is so not funny!"
“Well he isn’t now,” Ellen replied. “Bobby and Sam will be here soon, so they can go over everything that’s happened, since I wasn’t there.”
Before Dean could reply there was a knock at the door and the men in question entered. “Sammy!”
“Hey, Dean,” Sam said.
“You okay?”
He nodded. “I’m good. Very much alive thanks to you!”
Dean wasn’t so sure about that. He remembered being angry at himself and pouring his heart out about his failures in an abandoned building to… someone. He didn’t know to whom. He looked behind Sam at Bobby, who seemed concerned about something.
“Dude, what is it?” he asked. “Sam’s alive, right? That’s great news. Something else happen?”
“The demon is dead,” Sam replied with a (forced) smile.
“That’s awesome, Sam! How did you kill him?”
Ellen noticed Sam’s jaw twitch at that and she steeled herself for the outburst. Luckily her fear was unfounded.
“Dude,” Sam told him. “You killed him with the Colt.”
Dean’s eyes widened and then he grinned. “I am so good! So are you busting me out or what? It’s time to party!”
Bobby shook his head. “They want to keep you overnight for observation and I think that’s a good idea.”
Dean noticed something was still bothering the older hunter. “Bobby?”
“Yeah, okay,” he said, taking a deep breath. “Dean you know how you said Sam was supposed to be dead?”
“Yeah?”
“Well he was dead. You brought him back.”
Dean stared at them, then over at Ellen. He had never seen a more serious bunch of people. “Okay, that’s pretty freaky. How the Hell did I accomplish that?”
Sam spoke up, secretly delighting in the fact that he was the one to break this to Dean. “Crossroads demon. You sold your soul.”
Dean took a breath. Not because he sacrificed himself for Sam, but because it meant he was going to Hell. “At least we have 10 years to get me out of it, right?”
“Dean…”
“Bobby?”
“You only have one year, son.”
This time Sam couldn’t hold it in and began to laugh. Bobby and Ellen stared at him in stunned silence.
“Sammy?” Dean said. “Dude, nothing about that sounds funny!”
Sam just continued to laugh.
“After all that Dean’s done for you, you’re gonna act like a jerk?” Bobby asked.
“Dean hasn’t done jack shit for me, Bobby! He was only following daddy’s orders like a good little soldier. Dean doesn’t even have a thought of his own! No doubt you’ve noticed how everything he’s done echoes our dad, right? You remember dad sold his soul too!”
Sam stepped up to Dean, grinning at the tears he actually saw in his brother’s eyes. “Azazel was right about you.”
Ellen knew one of the nurses would be heading in there soon when they saw Dean’s blood pressure was about to spike. She looked at Sam. Brother or not he was no longer welcome here. The problem was she knew Dean wouldn’t kick him out because deep down he believed every word was true and that he deserved it.
Finally, Ellen spoke up, “Sam, I think you should leave.”
Sam smirked at Dean, flipping him off. “Later!”
Dean sat in silence for a minute after Sam left so Bobby was pretty surprised when he began to move and pull out his IV. “Dean!”
“No, Bobby! I can’t stay here. I can’t…” Dean trailed off as his memories suddenly surfaced.
He opened his eyes to see both Bobby and Ellen standing next to him. “You okay?” Ellen asked.
“Yeah, I just… remembered is all.”
“Are you sure about this?” Bobby wanted to know.
“Yeah, I am.”
Once Bobby left to get the paperwork together, Dean turned to Ellen who smiled sadly at him. “We’ll figure this out, honey,” she said, helping him from the bed. “Your clothes are in the bathroom.”
“Thanks,” Dean said.
******
Sam sat at the bar downing his fifth beer. Normally he wasn’t the type to drink the night away; he usually left that to Dean. Today, though, he was going to drink and maybe take one of those hot girls back to the motel.
Sam finished off his beer and decided to join the guys at the pool table first. He was pretty good at the game and better at hustling than he ever admitted to Dean. Besides he learned a lot about the players while he sat there watching.
The men looked up at him as he approached; no doubt thinking they could take on this guy who was probably drunk after his multitude of beers. “You in?”
“Sure,” he replied.
The man nodded, grinning. “Name’s Mike and this is Jack and David. “
“Sam.”
The game had gone on for about an hour when Sam decided that he was ready to hightail it out of there with his winnings. “Well, guys, I hate to cut this short, but I gotta get going.”
Mike shared a glance with his friends and the three moved to block Sam. “Where the hell do you think you’re going?”
“Leaving your pathetic asses,” Sam said without a beat, turning around to leave.
He stopped, shaking his head, when a hand landed on his shoulder. Soon Sam was turning back, landing a punch straight to Mike’s nose. All of his anger came out in that brawl and no one could stop him. Once he decided the men had enough, he left. No one even moved until he was outside. No one, that is, except one of the girls Sam dubbed as "hot."
“Wait!” he heard a voice call out to him.
“What the hell do you want?”
“You.”
Sam grinned and nodded. “Get in.”
*********
Dean looked at Ellen, who had just finished talking to a hunter friend on the phone, in the rearview mirror. “And he’s sure it’s Sam?”
“Yeah,” she replied.
Dean slammed the steering with his hand. “Damn it! So two of the guys are in the hospital? What about the third one?”
“Broken ribs, but he was released this morning. “
Bobby sighed. “Where we headed now?”
“Columbus, Ohio,” Ellen replied.
The three of them had been attempting to track Sam down for awhile now in between hunts. Bobby and Ellen both knew Dean hadn’t been sleeping much since the day he checked himself out of the hospital.
“You okay?” Bobby asked.
“Oh I’m awesome!” Dean said sarcastically. “My brother’s gone crazy and it’s my fault because I brought him back to life, I have to find his ass so he doesn’t get thrown into jail for assault or attempted murder. And what else? Yeah, I’m going to hell next year!”
Bobby shook his head, wincing as Ellen smacked his arm. Under normal circumstances he would have told Dean to suck it up, but these were far from normal circumstances. Besides he pretty much felt the same way.
“Sorry, dumb question,” he answered.
“It's okay, Bobby.”
Dean was quiet after that as he thought about what Azazel had said to him. That Sam might not be himself anymore. Dean wondered how he could save his little brother. His dad had told him he might have to kill him if he became evil. That was something Dean would never be able to do. His train of thought was interrupted by the ringing of his cell phone.
He shared a glance with Bobby because the only people who would be calling him right now were sitting in the car with him. He didn't have to read the caller ID to know who it was.
"Sammy? Dude, just calm down, where are you? Okay we're almost in Columbus so we'll be there as soon as possible."
"What's going on, Dean?" Bobby asked as the younger man disconnected the call.
"Sam needs our help."
Ellen slid closer to the front seat. "Are you sure about this?"
"He's my brother, Ellen."
"Yeah," Bobby said. "And he ain't exactly been himself lately. You need to go in there with more than a shotgun full of rock salt."
Dean took a deep breath. "Don't you think I know that? We just gotta distract him long enough to figure out how to fix this. I can't kill him. I won't!"
"You may not have a choice, son," Bobby told him.
***********
Sam hung up the phone with a grin. He was going to end this once and for all. He wasn't planning on killing Bobby or Ellen, but he would if they got in the way of him killing Dean.
For a moment he rolled that thought around in his head... "Killing Dean".
Why did that make his stomach hurt a bit? Why wouldn't he kill Dean? He was the one who pulled him away from his normal life. Away from Jessica. It was Dean's fucking fault!
He looked over at the woman asleep in the bed. She was going to have to go soon because Sam had to get moving. "Hey," he said, shaking her awake.
The woman blinked, and then smiled. "Hey, Sam. Ready for an encore?"
"Hell no," he replied as he tossed her clothes onto the bed. He realized he didn't know her name, but that didn't really matter. "You gotta go."
"But, Sam..."
Sam stood tall using that to try and scare her. "You heard me! Get the fuck out of here!"
The woman quickly got dressed, turning to face him as she opened the door. "You're a fucking bastard, you know that?"
"I know," he replied as the door slammed shut.
An hour later Sam was getting into his car and heading to the warehouse where he had told Dean to meet him at. He pulled the car to a stop and got out, heading into the building. He had made sure to park the car with the other abandoned vehicles in front.
He stood alone in the dark while he waited for Dean. He knew his brother was going to try and talk him out of killing him. Who wouldn't?
That didn't matter, though. Whatever Dean would have to say was not going to convince Sam that his decision to kill his brother was wrong. He didn't want to believe it was wrong despite the nagging in the back of his mind that it was. He hid deeper in the shadows when he heard the familiar rumbling of the Impala's engine. It was time.
Meanwhile Dean was outside handing Bobby the shotgun and Ellen his dad's journal. For himself, as very last resort, he tucked his 9mm in the waistband of his pants. "Ellen start saying that chant when I give you the code word."
She nodded. Bobby had been looking through the journal for some way to help Sam. While what he found was something to make an enemy fall asleep and dream someone he had hurt (intentionally or unintentionally), the older hunter doubted it was going to be enough to save Sam. Bobby was convinced they were going to have to kill him. He also knew Dean wouldn't let anyone else do it. If Dean had to kill Sam they were going to lose him before his year was up and he was off to hell.
Not because Dean would kill himself. No, he knew committing suicide would never be on Dean's list. Dean would kill himself with hunts. He would become careless and cold. He would become like Gordon Walker.
"Let's do this," Dean said. Bobby and Ellen exchanged glances, following him into the warehouse. Of course there was no sign of Sam, but Dean knew he was in there. "Sammy, come on out! It's all right, man, we're here to help you!"
"Dean stop right there."
He turned to face Bobby. "What is it?"
"Sam set a booby trap."
He sighed. Dean should have noticed that and if he had been taking this on like a normal case then he would have. Instead he was so concerned about Sam (which, of course, he had the right to be), that he wasn't even paying attention.
Dean stopped. "Sammy!"
Sam shook his head when he came out of the shadows. "I knew something like that wouldn't deter Bobby Singer so I kinda set up another trap just for him when those words came out if his mouth."
Bobby attempted to speak but not a sound came out. He couldn't move from his spot either. "Damn it, Sam! What the hell is your problem?" Dean shouted.
"Well you really should have thought of that before you brought me back to life, Dean. What was it Yellow Eyes told you? Come on, I know the two of you talked about me; my ears were burning. Besides what was it you told me when were dealing with that guy who brought the girl he loved back to life? 'What's dead should stay dead.' You really should follow your own advice, big brother. Oh wait, you can't! You're so pathetic that you need Daddy and Sammy to hold your hand, don't you?"
"Don't do this, Sam," Dean replied with tears in his eyes. "Let me help you!"
"Help me what? Kill the man who murdered Jessica? That was my job, Dean! My job! And it was your fault it was my job to begin with. If you hadn't dragged me all over California trying to find dad and then forced me on a hunt, I could have saved her! The woman I loved. We could have had an awesome life away from all of this. Away from needy, dependent Dean! Yellow Eyes was right, ya know? Dad and I never needed you, but you sure as hell needed us."
Dean took a deep breath, looked into Sam's eyes and said, "Come with me, Sammy."
That was all Ellen needed to quietly begin her chant. Sam became very tired and glanced over at her. She had been quiet and his mind was on trying to kill Dean so he didn't even think about what she would be doing. Before she could finish casting the sleeping charm over him, Sam charged at Dean, knocking his brother onto the ground.
Dean's head hit the floor with a smack and he blinked dizzily at his brother. "Sammy, snap out of it!" Instead of replying, Sam fell on top of him, fast asleep. "Uh... someone wanna give me a hand here?"
At this point the spell on Bobby had broken. Ellen helped Dean sit up once Sam was off him. "Are you all right?" she asked, checking his head for bleeding. She held two fingers up. "How many fingers do you see?"
"Fifty."
"He's fine," Bobby replied agitatedly. "Come on, we need to be prepared for when he wakes up. Dean if this doesn't work, I want you to go outside and let me handle this."
Dean shook his head. "No, Bobby. If I have to, I'll do it."
"Let's just pray you don't have to," Ellen said with a smile, patting Dean's shoulder.
***********
Sam was walking quietly through a familiar place. Looking around he realized he was back on campus at Stanford. It was a beautiful, sunny day and it seemed he was headed towards the apartment he shared with Jessica. Sam entered the building and automatically reached for his keys, which were in his pocket, and unlocked the door.
It was pristine, just how Jessica liked it. Looking around he saw no sign of her, though. He did see a plate of chocolate chip cookies on the table with that same note. The note he saw on the night he lost her forever. Lost her because he hadn't been there to protect her. Of course he hadn't been there because of Dean. He walked over to their bedroom and looked at the bed.
Sam was almost afraid to look up at the ceiling, but he did. Jessica wasn't up there but she wasn't in the bathroom either like the demon had led him to believe. He heard the apartment door slam and then he heard her sweet voice.
"Sam?"
He rushed into the kitchen and immediately grabbed her into his arms. Relishing the feeling of her body against his. The smell of her favorite rose shampoo in her hair. Sam breathed her in and soon his lips descended on hers as he tasted her as well. She tasted like cherries. When he reluctantly pulled away, she looked at him curiously.
"Not that I mind a greeting like that, but are you all right?"
Sam grinned. "I'm fantastic, Jessica!"
"I don't know what's gotten into you, Sam, but attempting to kill your brother means you're far from fantastic."
"What?" Sam said, grin completely wiped from his face.
Jessica sighed, taking a step back from her boyfriend. "Come with me," she ordered. Sam followed, but more out of curiosity than anything. She opened the door and soon they were in a long corridor with different paintings on the walls.
"What is this?"
She turned to face him, placing a hand on his cheek. "Sam, I want you to look at each painting. When you're finished I'll be waiting for you."
"Jess!" But she was gone.
Sam seemed to have no choice but to listen. He took a step in front of the first painting. It was a copy of the photo that dad always carried in his journal. Dad and Dean, and Mom holding Sam in front of their house; the twisted tree was there too.
He went to the second painting. The house was on fire. Suddenly the image started to move and Dean was running out of the house carrying a small bundle. That bundle, Sam realized, was him. A few seconds later, dad was barreling out of the house, grabbing Sam and Dean in the process. The animation ended with the three remaining Winchesters sitting on the Impala, staring at what they had lost.
Sam wiped the tears away as he went to the next painting. He recognized it all too well. It was the argument he had with dad about going to Stanford. However, in this painting it was showing Sam walking off, dad driving off in the opposite direction and Dean standing alone in the middle. He looked lost, alone, scared. And suddenly Sam knew why Dean was dependent on his family.
He remembered that look Dean had on his face when their house burned down. Dean needed that connection to their mom. He needed that connection to survive. So when dad died the connection was still there because of Sam. However when Sam died, that connection was severed and Dean did the only thing he could think of and that was to sell his soul to regain his connection.
Sam moved on to the second to last painting. This was Jessica's death. Sam had no right to blame Dean for what happened to her. There was no way to know for sure if it would have made any difference even if Sam had told her about the dreams. Even if Sam had believed the dreams were prophetic. It seemed that no matter what, Yellow Eyes would have found a way to kill her.
Suddenly Jessica's hand was in his and she was leading him to the fight with Azazel. However this time he would be able to watch the exchange between the demon and his brother...
“How certain are you that what you brought back is 100% pure Sam? You of all people should know that what’s dead should stay dead.”
That's when Sam realized that his words had cut into Dean 1000 times more than any knife could have. Of course he knew that. Dean said it all those years ago, but it didn't matter right now. What mattered was that Sam needed Dean too. They were all they had left. There was no room for hatred, or revenge, or betrayal. They had a job to do. The family business. And he sure as hell was going to do it!
**********
Dean was pacing now despite the fact that his head was killing him. He stopped when he looked down at Sam, though. His brother was crying. Dean went to sit next to him and took his hand.
"Sammy, if you can hear me, please wake up. I'm sorry for what happened between us. I just... I can't lose you, all right?"
Bobby sat on the floor, leaning against the wall as he watched. He somehow felt that everything was going to be okay but he didn't say anything. Ellen stirred and he looked down at her head resting against his chest. She had fallen asleep about 20 minutes ago and even though sleep sounded like a great idea, he couldn't even entertain the thought until Sam was awake.
"Bobby?" she asked, lifting her head.
"Oh. I didn't know you were awake."
"You were thinking very loudly."
"What?"
Ellen smirked. "Not that I could hear your thoughts or anything, but I could tell you were deep in thought when I looked at you and you said nothing. They're gonna be fine, Bobby."
"Yeah," he said. "I know."
"Sammy?" Dean said again, and they noticed the younger Winchester was waking up. They stood up and moved behind Dean, but remained quiet.
Sam opened his eyes and looked up at Dean. "Dude, why are you all watching me sleep?"
"What's the last thing you remember, Sam?"
"You killing Yellow Eyes and getting ready to drive back to Bobby's, why?"
Dean looked back at Bobby, who shrugged. "Sam, are you sure?"
Sam nodded. Honestly, though, he did remember everything, but until he could process it all, he was just going to play dumb for awhile. Eventually he would talk to Dean about it but they had more important things to do like try and get him out of the Crossroads deal.
"Right now I don't remember much, but when I do we'll talk about it, okay?"
"Sure, Sammy," Dean replied, helping his brother to his feet. "It's good to have you back."
Sam smiled. "It's good to be back.
EPILOGUE
Three days later Sam and Dean were back on the road heading to their next hunt. As Dean drove, he turned to face his brother, who had been quietly staring out the window. “You okay, Sammy?”
“I remember everything,” he suddenly burst out.
“You do?”
Sam nodded. “Yeah, and I am so sorry about what I said. What I tried to do! When I was under that spell I dreamed of Jess.”
Dean decided he needed to pull over and have a beer if they were going to be talking seriously. Once they were settled with their drinks, Dean nodded. “Go on.”
“Jess showed me my life from the fire in Lawrence to the fire at Stanford. She made me realize that I need you too. We’re stronger together, Dean, despite the fact that we’re each other’s weaknesses.”
“I agree with you completely on that, Sam.”
The younger Winchester nodded. “I’m sorry for blaming you for Jess’s death. If anyone was to blame is was that yellow-eyed bastard.”
“Definitely, and he’s gone,” Dean replied, taking a swig of his beer. “And Sam, I’m not sorry I sold my soul for you.”
Sam half smiled. “I would’ve done the same for you, big brother.”
“I know that.”
“And we’ll figure out a way to save you!”
Dean finished up his beer just as Sam did. “Let’s get going then; we’ve got a lot of work to do.”
The boys climbed into the Impala and Dean turned on the radio. AC/DC’s Highway to Hell was playing. They stared at one another until Sam reached over and turned it off, glancing at his brother.
“Um… so maybe we could leave the radio off for awhile?”
Fandom: Supernatural
Artist: kj_svala
Author: seramercury
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 5,909 words
Summary: AU where Sam struggles with his inner demons after being brought back to life because of Dean’s deal.
Warnings: Violence, language
Author's Notes: This fic was inspired by an awesome piece of art (which is reflected in my icon) by kj_svala. I want to thank her for the inspiration and I am very happy to have met her and to have a new friend on my friend's list. You're made of awesome! And, of course, thank you to scarletsherlock for the beta!! You too are made of awesome! :)
“How certain are you that what you brought back is 100% pure Sam? You of all people should know that what’s dead should stay dead.”
~Azazel, “All Hell Breaks Loose”
The exhausted hunters made it back to Bobby’s in one piece, even if they all felt as though they were about to fall apart. Sam was the first to head to the bathroom so Ellen decided she would check on Dean. She asked Bobby to get his first aid kit.
“Sit down before you fall down,” Ellen said, leading Dean to the couch. He seemed to be running on autopilot as he followed her instruction. “Dean, answer me!”
He blinked. Dean’s expression was not unlike that of a small child asking his mother to put everything back the way it was supposed to be. Bobby had told her, in confidence of course, what Dean had done for Sam.
She placed a hand on his cheek and he leaned into it. “Tired,” he finally said.
“I know, honey, but we gotta clean you up first and then you can rest.”
“I’m sorry… I just…”
Bobby, who had come back with the items requested, shared a glance with Ellen. “What’re you apologizing for, Dean?”
But Dean didn’t respond because he had lost consciousness. Ellen took a deep breath. “We should probably get him to a hospital, Bobby,” she said as she cleaned his head wound.
“He ain’t gonna like that!”
“Of course he won’t, but Sam had to pull the car over twice when Dean got sick and now he's unconscious! He needs to get a scan to make sure there’s no bleeding in there.”
Just then Sam came down stairs looking a bit pale, but not bad for a dead guy, Bobby thought. “What’s going on?” the younger Winchester asked.
“Ellen wants to take your brother to the hospital.”
Sam was quiet as if weighing his options. He felt a brief moment of anger at his brother and he couldn’t figure out why, but it was gone as quickly as it had come. “Dean isn’t gonna like that.”
“So I’ve been told,” Ellen said, looking over at Bobby.
“Help me get him up, Sam. We should probably go before he wakes up and tries to change our minds.”
An hour later they were waiting for Dean to be brought back after his scans. He had regained consciousness while the doctor was checking him over. The doctor had become concerned at how slurred Dean’s speech was and ordered an MRI right away.
Bobby sat next to Ellen, holding her hand. He exchanged a glance with her, indicating Sam with his head. Sam was sitting in the corner of the waiting room almost brooding. He didn’t seem to have the air of concern he usually did where Dean was concerned.
“Mr. Singer, your son is asking for you,” a nurse said, stepping in front of him. Bobby nodded and followed her down the hall.
Ellen took the opportunity to check on Sam. She hadn’t known the boys long but something told her that Dean would normally have asked for his little brother. Speaking of Sam, he hadn’t moved an inch from where he was sitting and it was starting to concern her.
“Sam,” She said, placing a hand on his shoulder.
“Don’t, Ellen.”
“What?”
“I don’t want to be coddled, okay?” he growled, getting to his feet. “Dean fucked up everything!”
Ellen stared at him, completely stunned. “I know your brother isn’t a saint, Sam, but he destroyed that demon that killed your parents. How did he fuck everything up?”
Sam shook his head. “No! No, I am not going to tell you because you already know! Bobby knows too but he won’t say anything either. Dean’s the good soldier, just like he wants everyone to believe. Just like he led Dad to believe!”
Before Ellen could say anything in reply, Sam rushed down the hall to the emergency exit. She stared after him for a long time, jumping when she felt a hand on her shoulder. “Dean’s awake, confused as hell, but he’s awake. He’s asking for Sam.”
“Bobby, Sam left.”
“What?”
“He just went on a rampage saying Dean fucked up and then ran off. I don’t know what caused him to say that. And I am not going to pretend to understand what he’s going through, but something just isn’t right, Bobby.”
“You think when Dean made that deal Sam didn’t come back the way he used to be.”
Ellen sighed. “No, I don’t think he did.”
********
Sam stormed outside. He wasn’t sure where this sudden rage was coming from and why he couldn’t seem to control it. He shouldn’t have yelled at Ellen like that and he knew Dean did nothing wrong. Dean destroyed the one thing that led their family into the hunt so Sam should be happy, right?
He was, in away, but Sam was also pissed. He was the one who was supposed to kill that fucking demon. Not Dean. He was the one who was supposed to avenge his mother’s death. The mother he never really knew. He was the one who was supposed to avenge Jessica, the love of his life.
Not Dean.
The rage came back full force and he began to run. He just ran and ran until he was tired and the rage had subsided somewhat. Sam had never felt this way before, not even for what his Dad put both Dean and him through growing up. He didn’t know what was going on and it scared him.
Dean was going to have to kill him but he knew his brother would never do that unless there was no chance of saving him and even that was far-fetched, in Dean's mind.
Sam took several deep breaths to try and calm himself down. Once he did he looked around. He was about a mile from Bobby's. Deciding it would probably be best to get Bobby's truck, Sam headed there. He stood silently staring at Bobby's home.
Home. What he wouldn't give to have a home. Dean always thought of the Impala as home but Sam didn't.
The first and only home he had was with Jessica and that was taken away from him by Azazel. No, it was taken away from him by Dean. From the way things had played out, even though he had the dreams, they were never necessarily meant for him to believe they were premonitions. For all he knew they were nightmares. A nightmare that came true definitely, but a nightmare nonetheless.
Again this rage against Dean grew. If his brother hadn't dragged him out to Jericho on a wild goose chase to find their father, Sam knew he would have been able to save Jessica. He knew she wouldn't have died or, if anything, he would have died with her in the fire.
Dean had killed Azazel, denying Sam the revenge that was rightfully his. Sam felt the anger rolling through his veins once again and knew that if he was ever going to be rid of it, rid of the hate and despair that consumed him, he was going to have to kill his brother.
His cell phone echoed through the night and nearly caused him to jump in surprise. He really shouldn't be surprised, but that didn't matter. If he was going to do anything, he had to make them all believe he was all right.
"Bobby," he said, trying to sound like he'd been crying.
"Where are you at, Sam?"
"I just had to get out of there for a minute, ya know? Is Ellen all right?"
Bobby sighed. "She's fine. Confused as hell, but fine. She told me what you said; what's gotten into you?"
"I was just... I don't know, overwhelmed by everything is all. How's Dean doing?"
"He has a concussion like we all suspected, but he doesn't remember the last 48 hours and you know what that means, right?"
Sam's upper lip quirked into a smile, but he still made it sound like he was distraught. "He still thinks I'm dead."
"Yeah, so maybe you wanna get over here now, because not only do we have to tell him you're alive, we also have to tell him he's going to Hell in a year."
“Be there in 20 minutes, Bobby," Sam replied, closing his phone.
He realized the thought was not as upsetting as it should be. In fact, he found himself looking forward to it. He liked the idea of making Dean suffer as much as Mom had suffered, as much as Jess had suffered. This was going to be fun.
**********
"Is he all right?" Ellen asked.
"Yeah. He said he felt overwhelmed, but he's on his way back."
She nodded but she wasn't so sure about it. Something was way off with Sam Winchester. True she hadn't known him very long, but from what she had heard from John and Bobby, what happened was far from the young man they had described. She wondered if it had something to do with the fact that Dean brought him back to life. She couldn't very well say that, though.
"I'm going to wait in the lobby for Sam," Bobby said, standing up.
"We'll be here," Ellen replied, glancing over at Dean as he slept.
The doctor said a nurse would come in to wake him every half hour to make sure he didn't slip into a coma. Standard procedure for a concussion, Ellen knew. Sometimes she wished she didn't know because that would mean she would still have her husband and she wouldn't have gotten into such a huge fight with her daughter about hunting.
Dean moaned something unintelligible that pulled Ellen from her thoughts. She strained to hear what he was saying. She took Dean's hand in hers, placing the other on his forehead like she used to do for Jo when she was sick.
"Dean, honey, it's all right."
"Couldn't save him," Dean whispered, but when his eyes didn't open, Ellen knew he was dreaming. "Supposed to keep him safe. Gotta save Sammy..."
Tears formed in Ellen's eyes as she listened to him. Dean had never sounded more vulnerable to her than right now, more like a child than his adult self. Her heart ached over the childhood he had, no doubt, lost because of John Winchester's need for revenge. She felt sorry for him, but could not forgive him for his lack of judgment when it came to his sons.
Not that she was really one to talk about raising kids. After all Jo had run off to manage a bar on her own and was most likely hunting on the side just like her own daddy. Deciding that the young man didn't need to go through the nightmare of losing Sam again, Ellen attempted to wake him up.
"Dean, wake up now. Come on, Dean."
He heard a familiar voice and blinked his eyes open. "Ellen?"
"Yeah."
"Not the first choice I wanna wake up to, but not my last either."
Ellen stared at him for a moment, trying to gauge whether or not he was joking. When Dean added a sly grin she knew and smacked his arm. "You're lucky you're injured because I would so kick your ass for that!"
"Where's Bobby?" he asked looking around.
"He went to meet someone out in the lobby," Ellen replied. "Dean..."
"What?"
Ellen took a deep breath before responding. "Sam's alive."
"What?" he said again. "Ellen, I don't think I heard you right. You said Sam is alive. How is that even possible? He was dead. I saw him die, Ellen! This is so not funny!"
“Well he isn’t now,” Ellen replied. “Bobby and Sam will be here soon, so they can go over everything that’s happened, since I wasn’t there.”
Before Dean could reply there was a knock at the door and the men in question entered. “Sammy!”
“Hey, Dean,” Sam said.
“You okay?”
He nodded. “I’m good. Very much alive thanks to you!”
Dean wasn’t so sure about that. He remembered being angry at himself and pouring his heart out about his failures in an abandoned building to… someone. He didn’t know to whom. He looked behind Sam at Bobby, who seemed concerned about something.
“Dude, what is it?” he asked. “Sam’s alive, right? That’s great news. Something else happen?”
“The demon is dead,” Sam replied with a (forced) smile.
“That’s awesome, Sam! How did you kill him?”
Ellen noticed Sam’s jaw twitch at that and she steeled herself for the outburst. Luckily her fear was unfounded.
“Dude,” Sam told him. “You killed him with the Colt.”
Dean’s eyes widened and then he grinned. “I am so good! So are you busting me out or what? It’s time to party!”
Bobby shook his head. “They want to keep you overnight for observation and I think that’s a good idea.”
Dean noticed something was still bothering the older hunter. “Bobby?”
“Yeah, okay,” he said, taking a deep breath. “Dean you know how you said Sam was supposed to be dead?”
“Yeah?”
“Well he was dead. You brought him back.”
Dean stared at them, then over at Ellen. He had never seen a more serious bunch of people. “Okay, that’s pretty freaky. How the Hell did I accomplish that?”
Sam spoke up, secretly delighting in the fact that he was the one to break this to Dean. “Crossroads demon. You sold your soul.”
Dean took a breath. Not because he sacrificed himself for Sam, but because it meant he was going to Hell. “At least we have 10 years to get me out of it, right?”
“Dean…”
“Bobby?”
“You only have one year, son.”
This time Sam couldn’t hold it in and began to laugh. Bobby and Ellen stared at him in stunned silence.
“Sammy?” Dean said. “Dude, nothing about that sounds funny!”
Sam just continued to laugh.
“After all that Dean’s done for you, you’re gonna act like a jerk?” Bobby asked.
“Dean hasn’t done jack shit for me, Bobby! He was only following daddy’s orders like a good little soldier. Dean doesn’t even have a thought of his own! No doubt you’ve noticed how everything he’s done echoes our dad, right? You remember dad sold his soul too!”
Sam stepped up to Dean, grinning at the tears he actually saw in his brother’s eyes. “Azazel was right about you.”
Ellen knew one of the nurses would be heading in there soon when they saw Dean’s blood pressure was about to spike. She looked at Sam. Brother or not he was no longer welcome here. The problem was she knew Dean wouldn’t kick him out because deep down he believed every word was true and that he deserved it.
Finally, Ellen spoke up, “Sam, I think you should leave.”
Sam smirked at Dean, flipping him off. “Later!”
Dean sat in silence for a minute after Sam left so Bobby was pretty surprised when he began to move and pull out his IV. “Dean!”
“No, Bobby! I can’t stay here. I can’t…” Dean trailed off as his memories suddenly surfaced.
He opened his eyes to see both Bobby and Ellen standing next to him. “You okay?” Ellen asked.
“Yeah, I just… remembered is all.”
“Are you sure about this?” Bobby wanted to know.
“Yeah, I am.”
Once Bobby left to get the paperwork together, Dean turned to Ellen who smiled sadly at him. “We’ll figure this out, honey,” she said, helping him from the bed. “Your clothes are in the bathroom.”
“Thanks,” Dean said.
******
Sam sat at the bar downing his fifth beer. Normally he wasn’t the type to drink the night away; he usually left that to Dean. Today, though, he was going to drink and maybe take one of those hot girls back to the motel.
Sam finished off his beer and decided to join the guys at the pool table first. He was pretty good at the game and better at hustling than he ever admitted to Dean. Besides he learned a lot about the players while he sat there watching.
The men looked up at him as he approached; no doubt thinking they could take on this guy who was probably drunk after his multitude of beers. “You in?”
“Sure,” he replied.
The man nodded, grinning. “Name’s Mike and this is Jack and David. “
“Sam.”
The game had gone on for about an hour when Sam decided that he was ready to hightail it out of there with his winnings. “Well, guys, I hate to cut this short, but I gotta get going.”
Mike shared a glance with his friends and the three moved to block Sam. “Where the hell do you think you’re going?”
“Leaving your pathetic asses,” Sam said without a beat, turning around to leave.
He stopped, shaking his head, when a hand landed on his shoulder. Soon Sam was turning back, landing a punch straight to Mike’s nose. All of his anger came out in that brawl and no one could stop him. Once he decided the men had enough, he left. No one even moved until he was outside. No one, that is, except one of the girls Sam dubbed as "hot."
“Wait!” he heard a voice call out to him.
“What the hell do you want?”
“You.”
Sam grinned and nodded. “Get in.”
*********
Dean looked at Ellen, who had just finished talking to a hunter friend on the phone, in the rearview mirror. “And he’s sure it’s Sam?”
“Yeah,” she replied.
Dean slammed the steering with his hand. “Damn it! So two of the guys are in the hospital? What about the third one?”
“Broken ribs, but he was released this morning. “
Bobby sighed. “Where we headed now?”
“Columbus, Ohio,” Ellen replied.
The three of them had been attempting to track Sam down for awhile now in between hunts. Bobby and Ellen both knew Dean hadn’t been sleeping much since the day he checked himself out of the hospital.
“You okay?” Bobby asked.
“Oh I’m awesome!” Dean said sarcastically. “My brother’s gone crazy and it’s my fault because I brought him back to life, I have to find his ass so he doesn’t get thrown into jail for assault or attempted murder. And what else? Yeah, I’m going to hell next year!”
Bobby shook his head, wincing as Ellen smacked his arm. Under normal circumstances he would have told Dean to suck it up, but these were far from normal circumstances. Besides he pretty much felt the same way.
“Sorry, dumb question,” he answered.
“It's okay, Bobby.”
Dean was quiet after that as he thought about what Azazel had said to him. That Sam might not be himself anymore. Dean wondered how he could save his little brother. His dad had told him he might have to kill him if he became evil. That was something Dean would never be able to do. His train of thought was interrupted by the ringing of his cell phone.
He shared a glance with Bobby because the only people who would be calling him right now were sitting in the car with him. He didn't have to read the caller ID to know who it was.
"Sammy? Dude, just calm down, where are you? Okay we're almost in Columbus so we'll be there as soon as possible."
"What's going on, Dean?" Bobby asked as the younger man disconnected the call.
"Sam needs our help."
Ellen slid closer to the front seat. "Are you sure about this?"
"He's my brother, Ellen."
"Yeah," Bobby said. "And he ain't exactly been himself lately. You need to go in there with more than a shotgun full of rock salt."
Dean took a deep breath. "Don't you think I know that? We just gotta distract him long enough to figure out how to fix this. I can't kill him. I won't!"
"You may not have a choice, son," Bobby told him.
***********
Sam hung up the phone with a grin. He was going to end this once and for all. He wasn't planning on killing Bobby or Ellen, but he would if they got in the way of him killing Dean.
For a moment he rolled that thought around in his head... "Killing Dean".
Why did that make his stomach hurt a bit? Why wouldn't he kill Dean? He was the one who pulled him away from his normal life. Away from Jessica. It was Dean's fucking fault!
He looked over at the woman asleep in the bed. She was going to have to go soon because Sam had to get moving. "Hey," he said, shaking her awake.
The woman blinked, and then smiled. "Hey, Sam. Ready for an encore?"
"Hell no," he replied as he tossed her clothes onto the bed. He realized he didn't know her name, but that didn't really matter. "You gotta go."
"But, Sam..."
Sam stood tall using that to try and scare her. "You heard me! Get the fuck out of here!"
The woman quickly got dressed, turning to face him as she opened the door. "You're a fucking bastard, you know that?"
"I know," he replied as the door slammed shut.
An hour later Sam was getting into his car and heading to the warehouse where he had told Dean to meet him at. He pulled the car to a stop and got out, heading into the building. He had made sure to park the car with the other abandoned vehicles in front.
He stood alone in the dark while he waited for Dean. He knew his brother was going to try and talk him out of killing him. Who wouldn't?
That didn't matter, though. Whatever Dean would have to say was not going to convince Sam that his decision to kill his brother was wrong. He didn't want to believe it was wrong despite the nagging in the back of his mind that it was. He hid deeper in the shadows when he heard the familiar rumbling of the Impala's engine. It was time.
Meanwhile Dean was outside handing Bobby the shotgun and Ellen his dad's journal. For himself, as very last resort, he tucked his 9mm in the waistband of his pants. "Ellen start saying that chant when I give you the code word."
She nodded. Bobby had been looking through the journal for some way to help Sam. While what he found was something to make an enemy fall asleep and dream someone he had hurt (intentionally or unintentionally), the older hunter doubted it was going to be enough to save Sam. Bobby was convinced they were going to have to kill him. He also knew Dean wouldn't let anyone else do it. If Dean had to kill Sam they were going to lose him before his year was up and he was off to hell.
Not because Dean would kill himself. No, he knew committing suicide would never be on Dean's list. Dean would kill himself with hunts. He would become careless and cold. He would become like Gordon Walker.
"Let's do this," Dean said. Bobby and Ellen exchanged glances, following him into the warehouse. Of course there was no sign of Sam, but Dean knew he was in there. "Sammy, come on out! It's all right, man, we're here to help you!"
"Dean stop right there."
He turned to face Bobby. "What is it?"
"Sam set a booby trap."
He sighed. Dean should have noticed that and if he had been taking this on like a normal case then he would have. Instead he was so concerned about Sam (which, of course, he had the right to be), that he wasn't even paying attention.
Dean stopped. "Sammy!"
Sam shook his head when he came out of the shadows. "I knew something like that wouldn't deter Bobby Singer so I kinda set up another trap just for him when those words came out if his mouth."
Bobby attempted to speak but not a sound came out. He couldn't move from his spot either. "Damn it, Sam! What the hell is your problem?" Dean shouted.
"Well you really should have thought of that before you brought me back to life, Dean. What was it Yellow Eyes told you? Come on, I know the two of you talked about me; my ears were burning. Besides what was it you told me when were dealing with that guy who brought the girl he loved back to life? 'What's dead should stay dead.' You really should follow your own advice, big brother. Oh wait, you can't! You're so pathetic that you need Daddy and Sammy to hold your hand, don't you?"
"Don't do this, Sam," Dean replied with tears in his eyes. "Let me help you!"
"Help me what? Kill the man who murdered Jessica? That was my job, Dean! My job! And it was your fault it was my job to begin with. If you hadn't dragged me all over California trying to find dad and then forced me on a hunt, I could have saved her! The woman I loved. We could have had an awesome life away from all of this. Away from needy, dependent Dean! Yellow Eyes was right, ya know? Dad and I never needed you, but you sure as hell needed us."
Dean took a deep breath, looked into Sam's eyes and said, "Come with me, Sammy."
That was all Ellen needed to quietly begin her chant. Sam became very tired and glanced over at her. She had been quiet and his mind was on trying to kill Dean so he didn't even think about what she would be doing. Before she could finish casting the sleeping charm over him, Sam charged at Dean, knocking his brother onto the ground.
Dean's head hit the floor with a smack and he blinked dizzily at his brother. "Sammy, snap out of it!" Instead of replying, Sam fell on top of him, fast asleep. "Uh... someone wanna give me a hand here?"
At this point the spell on Bobby had broken. Ellen helped Dean sit up once Sam was off him. "Are you all right?" she asked, checking his head for bleeding. She held two fingers up. "How many fingers do you see?"
"Fifty."
"He's fine," Bobby replied agitatedly. "Come on, we need to be prepared for when he wakes up. Dean if this doesn't work, I want you to go outside and let me handle this."
Dean shook his head. "No, Bobby. If I have to, I'll do it."
"Let's just pray you don't have to," Ellen said with a smile, patting Dean's shoulder.
***********
Sam was walking quietly through a familiar place. Looking around he realized he was back on campus at Stanford. It was a beautiful, sunny day and it seemed he was headed towards the apartment he shared with Jessica. Sam entered the building and automatically reached for his keys, which were in his pocket, and unlocked the door.
It was pristine, just how Jessica liked it. Looking around he saw no sign of her, though. He did see a plate of chocolate chip cookies on the table with that same note. The note he saw on the night he lost her forever. Lost her because he hadn't been there to protect her. Of course he hadn't been there because of Dean. He walked over to their bedroom and looked at the bed.
Sam was almost afraid to look up at the ceiling, but he did. Jessica wasn't up there but she wasn't in the bathroom either like the demon had led him to believe. He heard the apartment door slam and then he heard her sweet voice.
"Sam?"
He rushed into the kitchen and immediately grabbed her into his arms. Relishing the feeling of her body against his. The smell of her favorite rose shampoo in her hair. Sam breathed her in and soon his lips descended on hers as he tasted her as well. She tasted like cherries. When he reluctantly pulled away, she looked at him curiously.
"Not that I mind a greeting like that, but are you all right?"
Sam grinned. "I'm fantastic, Jessica!"
"I don't know what's gotten into you, Sam, but attempting to kill your brother means you're far from fantastic."
"What?" Sam said, grin completely wiped from his face.
Jessica sighed, taking a step back from her boyfriend. "Come with me," she ordered. Sam followed, but more out of curiosity than anything. She opened the door and soon they were in a long corridor with different paintings on the walls.
"What is this?"
She turned to face him, placing a hand on his cheek. "Sam, I want you to look at each painting. When you're finished I'll be waiting for you."
"Jess!" But she was gone.
Sam seemed to have no choice but to listen. He took a step in front of the first painting. It was a copy of the photo that dad always carried in his journal. Dad and Dean, and Mom holding Sam in front of their house; the twisted tree was there too.
He went to the second painting. The house was on fire. Suddenly the image started to move and Dean was running out of the house carrying a small bundle. That bundle, Sam realized, was him. A few seconds later, dad was barreling out of the house, grabbing Sam and Dean in the process. The animation ended with the three remaining Winchesters sitting on the Impala, staring at what they had lost.
Sam wiped the tears away as he went to the next painting. He recognized it all too well. It was the argument he had with dad about going to Stanford. However, in this painting it was showing Sam walking off, dad driving off in the opposite direction and Dean standing alone in the middle. He looked lost, alone, scared. And suddenly Sam knew why Dean was dependent on his family.
He remembered that look Dean had on his face when their house burned down. Dean needed that connection to their mom. He needed that connection to survive. So when dad died the connection was still there because of Sam. However when Sam died, that connection was severed and Dean did the only thing he could think of and that was to sell his soul to regain his connection.
Sam moved on to the second to last painting. This was Jessica's death. Sam had no right to blame Dean for what happened to her. There was no way to know for sure if it would have made any difference even if Sam had told her about the dreams. Even if Sam had believed the dreams were prophetic. It seemed that no matter what, Yellow Eyes would have found a way to kill her.
Suddenly Jessica's hand was in his and she was leading him to the fight with Azazel. However this time he would be able to watch the exchange between the demon and his brother...
“How certain are you that what you brought back is 100% pure Sam? You of all people should know that what’s dead should stay dead.”
That's when Sam realized that his words had cut into Dean 1000 times more than any knife could have. Of course he knew that. Dean said it all those years ago, but it didn't matter right now. What mattered was that Sam needed Dean too. They were all they had left. There was no room for hatred, or revenge, or betrayal. They had a job to do. The family business. And he sure as hell was going to do it!
**********
Dean was pacing now despite the fact that his head was killing him. He stopped when he looked down at Sam, though. His brother was crying. Dean went to sit next to him and took his hand.
"Sammy, if you can hear me, please wake up. I'm sorry for what happened between us. I just... I can't lose you, all right?"
Bobby sat on the floor, leaning against the wall as he watched. He somehow felt that everything was going to be okay but he didn't say anything. Ellen stirred and he looked down at her head resting against his chest. She had fallen asleep about 20 minutes ago and even though sleep sounded like a great idea, he couldn't even entertain the thought until Sam was awake.
"Bobby?" she asked, lifting her head.
"Oh. I didn't know you were awake."
"You were thinking very loudly."
"What?"
Ellen smirked. "Not that I could hear your thoughts or anything, but I could tell you were deep in thought when I looked at you and you said nothing. They're gonna be fine, Bobby."
"Yeah," he said. "I know."
"Sammy?" Dean said again, and they noticed the younger Winchester was waking up. They stood up and moved behind Dean, but remained quiet.
Sam opened his eyes and looked up at Dean. "Dude, why are you all watching me sleep?"
"What's the last thing you remember, Sam?"
"You killing Yellow Eyes and getting ready to drive back to Bobby's, why?"
Dean looked back at Bobby, who shrugged. "Sam, are you sure?"
Sam nodded. Honestly, though, he did remember everything, but until he could process it all, he was just going to play dumb for awhile. Eventually he would talk to Dean about it but they had more important things to do like try and get him out of the Crossroads deal.
"Right now I don't remember much, but when I do we'll talk about it, okay?"
"Sure, Sammy," Dean replied, helping his brother to his feet. "It's good to have you back."
Sam smiled. "It's good to be back.
EPILOGUE
Three days later Sam and Dean were back on the road heading to their next hunt. As Dean drove, he turned to face his brother, who had been quietly staring out the window. “You okay, Sammy?”
“I remember everything,” he suddenly burst out.
“You do?”
Sam nodded. “Yeah, and I am so sorry about what I said. What I tried to do! When I was under that spell I dreamed of Jess.”
Dean decided he needed to pull over and have a beer if they were going to be talking seriously. Once they were settled with their drinks, Dean nodded. “Go on.”
“Jess showed me my life from the fire in Lawrence to the fire at Stanford. She made me realize that I need you too. We’re stronger together, Dean, despite the fact that we’re each other’s weaknesses.”
“I agree with you completely on that, Sam.”
The younger Winchester nodded. “I’m sorry for blaming you for Jess’s death. If anyone was to blame is was that yellow-eyed bastard.”
“Definitely, and he’s gone,” Dean replied, taking a swig of his beer. “And Sam, I’m not sorry I sold my soul for you.”
Sam half smiled. “I would’ve done the same for you, big brother.”
“I know that.”
“And we’ll figure out a way to save you!”
Dean finished up his beer just as Sam did. “Let’s get going then; we’ve got a lot of work to do.”
The boys climbed into the Impala and Dean turned on the radio. AC/DC’s Highway to Hell was playing. They stared at one another until Sam reached over and turned it off, glancing at his brother.
“Um… so maybe we could leave the radio off for awhile?”