(no subject)
Crossposted from DJ:
Hmm...well...today is Sarah's bday, and I gave her the gifts I got this morning (apparently surprised her enough that her brain went into a lapse of non-workingness). Two pretty roses with some foliage and baby's breath and a frilled 18th-century style shirt ('cause it seems like something she'd wear if she had it...plus it looks good on her!!). I also made her a pretty card :) And I'm rather proud...I finally got the courage up and gave her a kiss. On the cheek, mind you...my cowardice still prevents me from anything else x_o I dunno why I'm so scared in that sense. I guess I feel like I'll make a fool of myself. Either that or my cowardice is actually more shyness...my GOD! Seraphim? Shy? I know, rather hard to believe, isn't it...but I am actually super shy. You wouldn't think it if you know me real well, but if you see me in the presence of A) someone I don't know B) someone I admire or C) someone I'm particularly..."fond" of...well, I'm about as shy as a little girl. I just can't quite make myself do anything that might be considered daring.
Not to mention the hoopla it would cause with all of our "peers"...I'm glad none of them noticed my extra little gift this morning, 'cause I really wasn't in the mood to take their explosion. And they would, too. I really wish they'd just butt out of our business...they are STILL making things 10x harder. True, they're not being pushy anymore...well, verbally, but I KNOW they're thinking it. I can feel it...and I don't like being around them because of it. Well, with a few exceptions...but... *snrk* I feel embarrassed just being sweet to her because of their reactions x_x Like, I got all dressed up pretty for her and curled my hair...and I WOULD have put on make up, but I ran out of time. And several people were all "aaawww" and I just wanted to curl up and hide =_= I hate it when they do that. It makes me feel like I'm on the spot...yeah...
*kyu* >_o Aah but my shyness/cowardliness is so aggravating, but I dunno how to overcome it. Eh. *le sigh*
Aah, and I still...haven't asked Sarah what I keep meaning to ask. I've actually started to remember it while talking to her, but it just seems...out of place. I know, in reality, I'm just making up excuses to put it off, but I don't know why. Well, maybe I can mention it here and she'll bring it up...'cause I just don't know how. >_> She mentioned one time that she doesn't want to burden me with her troubles and stuff, an' that's why she hasn't asked me about being..."together" (I hate that term...it sounds odd...but it works x_o). I just seriously wonder what troubles she's talking about! I've gotten over a lot of my fears and reservations because of things she's told me, so I really have little problems now. I just wonder what HER reservations are...
Mew. ._. Uugh. I wanted to spend lunch period with her more than ever today, since it was her birthday, but...my mum made a doctor's appointment to have my ear looked at...and it just HAD to be during Lunch! >_< I ended up bursting into tears when I got to the car. My original excuse for not wanting to go? Because I didn't want to miss school over something so small. Eventually, I disbanded that reason because mom seemed to thing I was being selfish, and I told her it wasn't for me that I wanted to stay -- I could care less about missing my classes! -- but it was for "a friend". Unfortunately she knew immediately it was Sarah, and went off on how she's tired of my "obsession". What bloody obsession? I'm trying to be nice! She seems to think that EVERY time I want to be nice, its an obsession. Granted, I don't DARE tell her the full reason...I'm afraid she'll end up being extremely on edge then. And I don't want a mother-hawk hanging around to where I have no privacy. I got so mad at her...ugh! And I had SPECIFICALLY requested that if she couldn't get an appointment after lunch, I didn't want to go. Did she listen and respect my wish? Of COURSE not. And on TODAY of all days. So, once I quieted down, I felt absolutely horrible because I pretty much left without a trace, and I had NO idea if Page actually delivered the message to Sarah that I had been stolen away by Mother to a doctor's appointment...when I came home and tried to call her around 4, no one was home. I think they had already gone to the Habachi grill ._. And I haven't the vaguest idea if I'll be able to talk to her later on, because Mark is going to see her...and he might steal her away...though I don't know if he does that on school nights or not.
I just really want to apologize for spontaneously disappearing. I feel guilty...I really don't know of what, but I feel horribly guilty. And if I'm not careful I might start to cry a little again 'cause I really want to talk to her, even if for a moment to simply apologize... ._. *sigh*
Um. On a lighter note...I did a Sudoku puzzle earlier to try and occupy my mind. And I doodled some more foxes. And, um, I came to the realization I have 2 types of speech -- proper and southern. Well, sort of southern. I am apt to either say "It's rather cold in here" or "It's a might cold in here", for example, depending on my mood and how tired or lazy I am. Listen to my speech patterns sometime...hell, even my ACCENT. I'll pick up a mild southern one after a long while of talking. Just something I ended up with because of my mum and my grandparents. Yet somehow, I also managed to pick up a more English pattern of speech, too...including pronunciations and word order. Huh. How odd.
So yeah...anyway...enough of my rambling. I should probably go study for my Science test tomorrow...
Hmm...well...today is Sarah's bday, and I gave her the gifts I got this morning (apparently surprised her enough that her brain went into a lapse of non-workingness). Two pretty roses with some foliage and baby's breath and a frilled 18th-century style shirt ('cause it seems like something she'd wear if she had it...plus it looks good on her!!). I also made her a pretty card :) And I'm rather proud...I finally got the courage up and gave her a kiss. On the cheek, mind you...my cowardice still prevents me from anything else x_o I dunno why I'm so scared in that sense. I guess I feel like I'll make a fool of myself. Either that or my cowardice is actually more shyness...my GOD! Seraphim? Shy? I know, rather hard to believe, isn't it...but I am actually super shy. You wouldn't think it if you know me real well, but if you see me in the presence of A) someone I don't know B) someone I admire or C) someone I'm particularly..."fond" of...well, I'm about as shy as a little girl. I just can't quite make myself do anything that might be considered daring.
Not to mention the hoopla it would cause with all of our "peers"...I'm glad none of them noticed my extra little gift this morning, 'cause I really wasn't in the mood to take their explosion. And they would, too. I really wish they'd just butt out of our business...they are STILL making things 10x harder. True, they're not being pushy anymore...well, verbally, but I KNOW they're thinking it. I can feel it...and I don't like being around them because of it. Well, with a few exceptions...but... *snrk* I feel embarrassed just being sweet to her because of their reactions x_x Like, I got all dressed up pretty for her and curled my hair...and I WOULD have put on make up, but I ran out of time. And several people were all "aaawww" and I just wanted to curl up and hide =_= I hate it when they do that. It makes me feel like I'm on the spot...yeah...
*kyu* >_o Aah but my shyness/cowardliness is so aggravating, but I dunno how to overcome it. Eh. *le sigh*
Aah, and I still...haven't asked Sarah what I keep meaning to ask. I've actually started to remember it while talking to her, but it just seems...out of place. I know, in reality, I'm just making up excuses to put it off, but I don't know why. Well, maybe I can mention it here and she'll bring it up...'cause I just don't know how. >_> She mentioned one time that she doesn't want to burden me with her troubles and stuff, an' that's why she hasn't asked me about being..."together" (I hate that term...it sounds odd...but it works x_o). I just seriously wonder what troubles she's talking about! I've gotten over a lot of my fears and reservations because of things she's told me, so I really have little problems now. I just wonder what HER reservations are...
Mew. ._. Uugh. I wanted to spend lunch period with her more than ever today, since it was her birthday, but...my mum made a doctor's appointment to have my ear looked at...and it just HAD to be during Lunch! >_< I ended up bursting into tears when I got to the car. My original excuse for not wanting to go? Because I didn't want to miss school over something so small. Eventually, I disbanded that reason because mom seemed to thing I was being selfish, and I told her it wasn't for me that I wanted to stay -- I could care less about missing my classes! -- but it was for "a friend". Unfortunately she knew immediately it was Sarah, and went off on how she's tired of my "obsession". What bloody obsession? I'm trying to be nice! She seems to think that EVERY time I want to be nice, its an obsession. Granted, I don't DARE tell her the full reason...I'm afraid she'll end up being extremely on edge then. And I don't want a mother-hawk hanging around to where I have no privacy. I got so mad at her...ugh! And I had SPECIFICALLY requested that if she couldn't get an appointment after lunch, I didn't want to go. Did she listen and respect my wish? Of COURSE not. And on TODAY of all days. So, once I quieted down, I felt absolutely horrible because I pretty much left without a trace, and I had NO idea if Page actually delivered the message to Sarah that I had been stolen away by Mother to a doctor's appointment...when I came home and tried to call her around 4, no one was home. I think they had already gone to the Habachi grill ._. And I haven't the vaguest idea if I'll be able to talk to her later on, because Mark is going to see her...and he might steal her away...though I don't know if he does that on school nights or not.
I just really want to apologize for spontaneously disappearing. I feel guilty...I really don't know of what, but I feel horribly guilty. And if I'm not careful I might start to cry a little again 'cause I really want to talk to her, even if for a moment to simply apologize... ._. *sigh*
Um. On a lighter note...I did a Sudoku puzzle earlier to try and occupy my mind. And I doodled some more foxes. And, um, I came to the realization I have 2 types of speech -- proper and southern. Well, sort of southern. I am apt to either say "It's rather cold in here" or "It's a might cold in here", for example, depending on my mood and how tired or lazy I am. Listen to my speech patterns sometime...hell, even my ACCENT. I'll pick up a mild southern one after a long while of talking. Just something I ended up with because of my mum and my grandparents. Yet somehow, I also managed to pick up a more English pattern of speech, too...including pronunciations and word order. Huh. How odd.
So yeah...anyway...enough of my rambling. I should probably go study for my Science test tomorrow...