Saiyuki fic - finally
Turning back time a bit found the subject of the kappa’s thoughts sitting at the table with the two other unlikely would-be saviours of the world. Green eyes looked first at the mob of brown hair bobbing up and down rapidly in an almost futile attempt to keep up with the motion of the head. The head was engaged in a contest of beating the previous record on how fast you could wolf down 25 large dishes of food. So far it seemed like the record would be well and truly busted. A soft, genuine smile played over pale lips.
The green eyes then went on to monitor the blond glaring daggers through the window at the rain and the smile grew a bit crooked and wistful. Such a smile was rare coming over those lips that smiled all the time, but rarely had any emotions behind it.
Such an uncaring façade. Hakkai often wondered why Sanzo thought he could fool them into thinking he didn’t care about them. He did it for his own reasons and because he was selfish, true, but that was just Sanzo. For him to do it for any other reason would be…unthinkable.
He talked so often of killing the two in the back of the jeep; he was rude and insulted them on a daily basis. Yet, when you looked and knew where to look, the signs were quite obvious. He went to such lengths to protect Goku, for instance - and Gojyo and himself, really, too. Just look at him when Goku went missing. The priest would cut his own tongue out - or preferably theirs - before admitting that he cared about them in any way, but that was fine. They all had their quirks, even the gluttonous monkey.
This went for all of them, really. None of them would admit it - just look at that time in the inn where they had to share one room - but in the privacy of their own minds and hearts Hakkai would hazard that they knew they truly cared about one another. If not, why then would they stand up for and rescue each other time and time again? Because of this mission? Not likely. They were all so much individualists and controversial, heretic beings that if that had been all there was to it, they never would have accepted this task, balance of Shangri-La and all be damned.
The monk, the monkey, the healer and the hanjyuu. The hanjyuu…the green-eyed man glanced over to the bar itself, where a certain redhead was staring into the umpteenth alcohol-filled drink of the evening. He had been downing them pretty quickly this last half an hour - strong drinks, too, if Hakkai was any judge - and though the brunette knew his best friend could hold his liquor, there was something strangely urgent about it that seemed very out of character and made the healer worry.
Why would the kappa want to drink so quickly? He only did that when something was really on his mind and…well, that was about as rare as finding a real smile on Sanzo’s face or Goku actually getting the hints, subtext and just generally the point.
Hakkai took a look around the room in order to scan it for possible clues to this mystery. There hadn’t been anything wrong all day while they were driving, so whatever the reason it must have occurred in the inn at some point.
His eyes swept over his other companions. Could they be the reason? No. Nothing had occurred over dinner other than the usual food death-match between the water sprite and the monkey and the monk’s following death threats, gunshots, fan-swings and general pissed-off behaviour - and that was so commonplace by now that no one even bothered to mention it.
After dinner Gojyo had retreated to the place where he usually felt safest - the bar. He had walked in a bee-line for it, in fact, only sparing a few glances at the female occupants of the inn. Nothing extremely unusual in that, though - it happened often enough that he only really warmed up and started surveying the troops, so to speak, when he had been sitting at the bar for a time.
Perhaps it was that he hadn’t been able to find…pleasurable company for the night yet? That sometimes got him in a huff when women weren’t…welcoming his advances as quickly as he would have liked. That didn’t happen very often, though. Despite being a womaniser, the redhead had a lot of patience when it came to girls. He would never force anybody into anything no matter how desperate he might be. Ever.
Green eyes lighted with a soft smile. That was so very typical Gojyo. Underneath the brash, hard exterior was a guy who really cared and who would break every single bone in his body if it could protect somebody. Just look at the lengths he went to to rescue that girl with the half-breed baby both from the villagers and from herself.
It often seemed to the healer that his friend was trying to make up for nobody really being there for him when he needed it by protecting and helping people who needed it. As if he could erase the bad memories and give what he had been denied. Not love, perhaps, but security, stability, a home to come back to.
Yet - Gojyo had a home now, didn’t he? The place they’d lived together for 3 years…the hanjyuu had said himself that it hadn’t really been a home before the brunette moved in, more or less willingly…
Hakkai would have to admit that that warmed something deep inside him. If he was being completely honest with himself - and when he was in his contemplative rain-mood it was really much harder for him not to be honest - he felt the same way, sort of. Not that it hadn’t been a home to him before he moved in. Obviously. More that he had felt at home at that place in a way that felt so utterly right. The redhead took him in, a stranger with an obvious problem, and treated him. He even came after him when he went to get away from Sanzo and Goku. Lips curve once more. So long ago, still so vivid.
This was one of the reasons he didn’t mind doing the chores around the house for Gojyo or, as a certain kappa liked to point out, acted like the housewife to end all housewives. His friend might be drinking, having…pleasurable company for the night more often than not, smoking and be a typical male in general, but he was also loyal, supportive, strong, caring and trusting. He didn’t care about the healer’s background unless it had some impact on either himself or his roommate - like when he got all moody and depressed on rainy days, as his friend put it - and he had stuck with him even after he knew. Hakkai had a feeling he would probably feel forever grateful to Gojyo for that fact alone.
Hmm…the hanjyuu would probably snort at that. Had it been Goku making a statement like that he’d receive a whack across the back of his head and a well-meaning insult. The green-eyed man would get a snort and a very sceptical expression which clearly spoke Man, you have got to be kidding me, seriously!
Yet it was true. The redhead might not think that highly of himself - despite his boasting and self-assured attitude which the healer could often see through, with a soft, secretive smile, too - but he had traits and values that Hakkai treasured dearly and that well made up for whatever mischief and other trouble he could get himself into.
It had gotten to a point where the green-eyed man couldn’t imagine living with someone other than his friend, even if he wanted to. Well, none except Kanan, of course, but that really was out of the question, wasn’t it? Sure, he had been talking to quite a few girls during their journey. The girl from his old orphanage, for instance - or Yaone, for that matter. His roomie would probably call it flirting, knowing him, but while the healer would admit that he was somewhat rusty in that sort of thing and therefore might miss some clues along the way, he was certain that it was not so. He would have noticed if he was indeed…flirting. It might seem that way to the unsuspecting onlooker, but none of those girls had been an attempt at replacing his Kanan.
Nothing and nobody could ever replace her. At least in the sense that none could take her place in his heart. She would always be there, a sweet, dull ache in his chest which intensified on nights like this. A memory of what he had had and what he had lost, the warmth in his heart that each soft smile reflected in beautiful eyes had created. He still loved her dearly, even after all this time, and he supposed he always would. Never any more, never any less, no matter what had happened and would happen.
That didn’t mean that there was no room left for nobody else, though. It just meant that he had not found anyone whom he could love in the way he had loved his sister. Not yet, anyway. Others might think him silly not to at least try and go for a girl, even though she might not turn out to be his next true love. At least he had given it a shot. He was still young and all that. That’s what the elder ladies he knew back home would say, often accompanied with a soft, knowing smile that they seemed to favour him with a little too often.
But for Hakkai, well…it wasn’t really that simple. He did not enter into relationships easily and while the elder ladies might be right, he saw no reason to engage in something that really had no interest for him. He was normally the one doing chores, anyway, so that was not the thing. If he wanted company and someone to come home to, there was Gojyo and the house they had shared for three years. True, it was more often the half-breed that came home to him, expecting his roommate to take care of him as per usual, but one shouldn’t delve too much into detail, right? Well, not in cases like this, anyway.
Also, each woman he found even remotely attractive and agreeable reminded him of the woman he had lost - or somebody else, somebody quite different…
Hakkai sighed after discovering his gaze had again glided over to rest at where the kappa was sitting, more specifically his backside, without his attention. The healer looked away, hoping nobody had really noticed it. Anyway - in any case, it just did not work and never would. He would not put himself - or his roommate - through the emotional trouble that came with courting some girl or other - here he imagined another red, raised eyebrow and a soft snort at his choice of words. Yet he wouldn’t, especially since his heart wouldn’t be in it at all and he would not do something so very cruel as to court somebody without truly feeling something for whoever it was. Then he’d rather stay as he was.
After all, it wasn’t that he was bad off as it was, when one took the time to stop and think about it. He had a home, even though it was a long way off at the moment. He had something to occupy himself with, like the chores of the house. He had security in the fact that he would always have something to come home to, that someone depended on him. He had something to warm his heart in the fact that somebody believed in him despite what he had done, despite his sins and the blood that still coloured his hands after all this time. Somebody that trusted him…
The healer stole another glance over at the bar, where the half-breed was downing another glass of alcohol. He didn’t promptly wave for a refill, though, which was another thing that puzzled Hakkai greatly. Normally Gojyo would be quick to wave the bartender over and have another round of whatever suited his fancy for the evening. That he didn’t have the presence of mind to do what was normally almost instinctual to him really spoke volumes to the ever-observant former human. It made him worry so much more and the worry settled somewhere low in his stomach, along with another, warmer feeling there. It was only natural for him to worry, after all. His friend was troubled by something, and what kind of friend would he be if he didn’t care? What kind of best friend would he be if his heart didn’t go out to his hanjyuu…
The brunette treasured the friendship he had with the redhead more than anything, to the point where nothing should ever come in the way of it. That was also why he would quench the small fluttering in his chest and the following spark of warmth in it whenever it surfaced - which was more and more often as of late. Also, it got stronger for each time and was increasingly harder to contain each time it surfaced, too.
Hakkai looked at Gojyo’s back once more and heaved a sigh. Seemed like the room for someone other than his sister in his heart was being filled, after all…
"Though I do believe in you..."
TBC
We'll continue with Hakkai next time and then...things will get interesting between them. Wait and see.
The green eyes then went on to monitor the blond glaring daggers through the window at the rain and the smile grew a bit crooked and wistful. Such a smile was rare coming over those lips that smiled all the time, but rarely had any emotions behind it.
Such an uncaring façade. Hakkai often wondered why Sanzo thought he could fool them into thinking he didn’t care about them. He did it for his own reasons and because he was selfish, true, but that was just Sanzo. For him to do it for any other reason would be…unthinkable.
He talked so often of killing the two in the back of the jeep; he was rude and insulted them on a daily basis. Yet, when you looked and knew where to look, the signs were quite obvious. He went to such lengths to protect Goku, for instance - and Gojyo and himself, really, too. Just look at him when Goku went missing. The priest would cut his own tongue out - or preferably theirs - before admitting that he cared about them in any way, but that was fine. They all had their quirks, even the gluttonous monkey.
This went for all of them, really. None of them would admit it - just look at that time in the inn where they had to share one room - but in the privacy of their own minds and hearts Hakkai would hazard that they knew they truly cared about one another. If not, why then would they stand up for and rescue each other time and time again? Because of this mission? Not likely. They were all so much individualists and controversial, heretic beings that if that had been all there was to it, they never would have accepted this task, balance of Shangri-La and all be damned.
The monk, the monkey, the healer and the hanjyuu. The hanjyuu…the green-eyed man glanced over to the bar itself, where a certain redhead was staring into the umpteenth alcohol-filled drink of the evening. He had been downing them pretty quickly this last half an hour - strong drinks, too, if Hakkai was any judge - and though the brunette knew his best friend could hold his liquor, there was something strangely urgent about it that seemed very out of character and made the healer worry.
Why would the kappa want to drink so quickly? He only did that when something was really on his mind and…well, that was about as rare as finding a real smile on Sanzo’s face or Goku actually getting the hints, subtext and just generally the point.
Hakkai took a look around the room in order to scan it for possible clues to this mystery. There hadn’t been anything wrong all day while they were driving, so whatever the reason it must have occurred in the inn at some point.
His eyes swept over his other companions. Could they be the reason? No. Nothing had occurred over dinner other than the usual food death-match between the water sprite and the monkey and the monk’s following death threats, gunshots, fan-swings and general pissed-off behaviour - and that was so commonplace by now that no one even bothered to mention it.
After dinner Gojyo had retreated to the place where he usually felt safest - the bar. He had walked in a bee-line for it, in fact, only sparing a few glances at the female occupants of the inn. Nothing extremely unusual in that, though - it happened often enough that he only really warmed up and started surveying the troops, so to speak, when he had been sitting at the bar for a time.
Perhaps it was that he hadn’t been able to find…pleasurable company for the night yet? That sometimes got him in a huff when women weren’t…welcoming his advances as quickly as he would have liked. That didn’t happen very often, though. Despite being a womaniser, the redhead had a lot of patience when it came to girls. He would never force anybody into anything no matter how desperate he might be. Ever.
Green eyes lighted with a soft smile. That was so very typical Gojyo. Underneath the brash, hard exterior was a guy who really cared and who would break every single bone in his body if it could protect somebody. Just look at the lengths he went to to rescue that girl with the half-breed baby both from the villagers and from herself.
It often seemed to the healer that his friend was trying to make up for nobody really being there for him when he needed it by protecting and helping people who needed it. As if he could erase the bad memories and give what he had been denied. Not love, perhaps, but security, stability, a home to come back to.
Yet - Gojyo had a home now, didn’t he? The place they’d lived together for 3 years…the hanjyuu had said himself that it hadn’t really been a home before the brunette moved in, more or less willingly…
Hakkai would have to admit that that warmed something deep inside him. If he was being completely honest with himself - and when he was in his contemplative rain-mood it was really much harder for him not to be honest - he felt the same way, sort of. Not that it hadn’t been a home to him before he moved in. Obviously. More that he had felt at home at that place in a way that felt so utterly right. The redhead took him in, a stranger with an obvious problem, and treated him. He even came after him when he went to get away from Sanzo and Goku. Lips curve once more. So long ago, still so vivid.
This was one of the reasons he didn’t mind doing the chores around the house for Gojyo or, as a certain kappa liked to point out, acted like the housewife to end all housewives. His friend might be drinking, having…pleasurable company for the night more often than not, smoking and be a typical male in general, but he was also loyal, supportive, strong, caring and trusting. He didn’t care about the healer’s background unless it had some impact on either himself or his roommate - like when he got all moody and depressed on rainy days, as his friend put it - and he had stuck with him even after he knew. Hakkai had a feeling he would probably feel forever grateful to Gojyo for that fact alone.
Hmm…the hanjyuu would probably snort at that. Had it been Goku making a statement like that he’d receive a whack across the back of his head and a well-meaning insult. The green-eyed man would get a snort and a very sceptical expression which clearly spoke Man, you have got to be kidding me, seriously!
Yet it was true. The redhead might not think that highly of himself - despite his boasting and self-assured attitude which the healer could often see through, with a soft, secretive smile, too - but he had traits and values that Hakkai treasured dearly and that well made up for whatever mischief and other trouble he could get himself into.
It had gotten to a point where the green-eyed man couldn’t imagine living with someone other than his friend, even if he wanted to. Well, none except Kanan, of course, but that really was out of the question, wasn’t it? Sure, he had been talking to quite a few girls during their journey. The girl from his old orphanage, for instance - or Yaone, for that matter. His roomie would probably call it flirting, knowing him, but while the healer would admit that he was somewhat rusty in that sort of thing and therefore might miss some clues along the way, he was certain that it was not so. He would have noticed if he was indeed…flirting. It might seem that way to the unsuspecting onlooker, but none of those girls had been an attempt at replacing his Kanan.
Nothing and nobody could ever replace her. At least in the sense that none could take her place in his heart. She would always be there, a sweet, dull ache in his chest which intensified on nights like this. A memory of what he had had and what he had lost, the warmth in his heart that each soft smile reflected in beautiful eyes had created. He still loved her dearly, even after all this time, and he supposed he always would. Never any more, never any less, no matter what had happened and would happen.
That didn’t mean that there was no room left for nobody else, though. It just meant that he had not found anyone whom he could love in the way he had loved his sister. Not yet, anyway. Others might think him silly not to at least try and go for a girl, even though she might not turn out to be his next true love. At least he had given it a shot. He was still young and all that. That’s what the elder ladies he knew back home would say, often accompanied with a soft, knowing smile that they seemed to favour him with a little too often.
But for Hakkai, well…it wasn’t really that simple. He did not enter into relationships easily and while the elder ladies might be right, he saw no reason to engage in something that really had no interest for him. He was normally the one doing chores, anyway, so that was not the thing. If he wanted company and someone to come home to, there was Gojyo and the house they had shared for three years. True, it was more often the half-breed that came home to him, expecting his roommate to take care of him as per usual, but one shouldn’t delve too much into detail, right? Well, not in cases like this, anyway.
Also, each woman he found even remotely attractive and agreeable reminded him of the woman he had lost - or somebody else, somebody quite different…
Hakkai sighed after discovering his gaze had again glided over to rest at where the kappa was sitting, more specifically his backside, without his attention. The healer looked away, hoping nobody had really noticed it. Anyway - in any case, it just did not work and never would. He would not put himself - or his roommate - through the emotional trouble that came with courting some girl or other - here he imagined another red, raised eyebrow and a soft snort at his choice of words. Yet he wouldn’t, especially since his heart wouldn’t be in it at all and he would not do something so very cruel as to court somebody without truly feeling something for whoever it was. Then he’d rather stay as he was.
After all, it wasn’t that he was bad off as it was, when one took the time to stop and think about it. He had a home, even though it was a long way off at the moment. He had something to occupy himself with, like the chores of the house. He had security in the fact that he would always have something to come home to, that someone depended on him. He had something to warm his heart in the fact that somebody believed in him despite what he had done, despite his sins and the blood that still coloured his hands after all this time. Somebody that trusted him…
The healer stole another glance over at the bar, where the half-breed was downing another glass of alcohol. He didn’t promptly wave for a refill, though, which was another thing that puzzled Hakkai greatly. Normally Gojyo would be quick to wave the bartender over and have another round of whatever suited his fancy for the evening. That he didn’t have the presence of mind to do what was normally almost instinctual to him really spoke volumes to the ever-observant former human. It made him worry so much more and the worry settled somewhere low in his stomach, along with another, warmer feeling there. It was only natural for him to worry, after all. His friend was troubled by something, and what kind of friend would he be if he didn’t care? What kind of best friend would he be if his heart didn’t go out to his hanjyuu…
The brunette treasured the friendship he had with the redhead more than anything, to the point where nothing should ever come in the way of it. That was also why he would quench the small fluttering in his chest and the following spark of warmth in it whenever it surfaced - which was more and more often as of late. Also, it got stronger for each time and was increasingly harder to contain each time it surfaced, too.
Hakkai looked at Gojyo’s back once more and heaved a sigh. Seemed like the room for someone other than his sister in his heart was being filled, after all…
"Though I do believe in you..."
TBC
We'll continue with Hakkai next time and then...things will get interesting between them. Wait and see.