relationships...Why?
So while i was working today i found myself pondering all day long, the nature of relationships and why we want them...
I'm curious about other peoples reasons, so would love a couple of comments on the subject.
what do you think is the thing you get out of a relationship?
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what you get out of a relationship... apart from the regular sex... it's the feeling of having someone who will always be there.(even if you know it isn't guaranteed), it's having someone to come home to, to discuss how your day was, and have someone to discuss when things aren't going so well and have them tell you things will change... to get a hug when you're feeling down... someone to share your joys with, to share experiences so you can go...'remember that time when i only smoked maaarrrrllboroughs' oh hang on, that wasn't me ;)
ok then 'remember that time when we stood in the backyard and got soaking wet just so we could watch the lightning?', or 'remember that time we went skinny dipping in that swimming hole at midnight'... someone to go to the movies or dinner with, or to ring up and say 'meet me at the pub, i feel like a drink'... it's someone to discuss the world and current events with... to talk til midnight because there's still something in their brain that they haven't told you... it's wanting to know everything about them... it's having someone who knows you even better than your best friends... and who understands you without you having to tell them what is wrong... it's having someone who you can stay in the same room with and NOT talk and still be totally comfortable with that... it's having a sense of anticipation when you are away from them because you know they will be there when you get back... or maybe more to the point it is ENJOYING doing your own thing and being by yourself because you know it's temporary...
so is it just the comfort thing? when you first fall in love of course it's all about the passion and intensity, then you get the intimacy and the comfort and the knowledge that there is someone 'there' for you... it's that feeling that you will always have a 'partner in crime' someone who is with you when it's US against the WORLD...(i guess that's where the legal thing comes from where a wife can't be forced to testify against her husband?)
There are people out there that are comfortable with spending their whole life alone. they are happy never to have children, to never have a wife, to go without the sex for long periods, to live their life independently and selfishly without having to consider anyone... you see lots of 40-something men living that life... my father was like that, as were many of his bachelor friends. They had moved beyond the stage where they were alone and looking, to just being happy to be alone... I can certainly see the attraction of being alone... generally when i've spent large stretches as a single i've been happy enough with my life, concentrating on small pleasures, TV, masturbation, cooking just enough food for me, reading in bed till I'm ready to sleep and not worrying about keeping anyone awake... sleeping in the middle of the bed, lounging round the house in daggy clothes, not bothering with shaving or if my hair is dirty... it's all good...
but then i remember that feeling of coming home to someone and the relief to be able to escape your irritating family members and have someone to express your frustration to... someone who will cook dinner when you've had a hard day just because they care, and they know you will do the same for them. i remember that 'us against the world' feeling where you snuggle up in bed and listen to the rain together...
and i think about old age... how wonderful to have someone who you share those memories of your youth with.. someone to grow old and decrepid with...
when my father died, he was alone... he had been alone for a long time... the closest person in his life was his mother. He must have felt so alone. although i know he was not the sort to be lonely in his everyday life, when he started to get sick, how awful not to have someone who cared about him, someone who remembered their love for him after a lifetime of shared joys and griefs...
Not that relationships are all about the bad times... so much of a relationship is about the good times... the great times, the trips away, being introduced to new thoughts and experiences, someone to drag yoy out of your comfort zone when you needed to be slapped around the head a bit...i don't think i would ever be one of those who got to the point where the independence and selfishness of having noone to think about but myself would outweigh all those wonderful relationship bits.. at least i hope not...
I'm curious about other peoples reasons, so would love a couple of comments on the subject.
what do you think is the thing you get out of a relationship?
.
.
.
.
what you get out of a relationship... apart from the regular sex... it's the feeling of having someone who will always be there.(even if you know it isn't guaranteed), it's having someone to come home to, to discuss how your day was, and have someone to discuss when things aren't going so well and have them tell you things will change... to get a hug when you're feeling down... someone to share your joys with, to share experiences so you can go...'remember that time when i only smoked maaarrrrllboroughs' oh hang on, that wasn't me ;)
ok then 'remember that time when we stood in the backyard and got soaking wet just so we could watch the lightning?', or 'remember that time we went skinny dipping in that swimming hole at midnight'... someone to go to the movies or dinner with, or to ring up and say 'meet me at the pub, i feel like a drink'... it's someone to discuss the world and current events with... to talk til midnight because there's still something in their brain that they haven't told you... it's wanting to know everything about them... it's having someone who knows you even better than your best friends... and who understands you without you having to tell them what is wrong... it's having someone who you can stay in the same room with and NOT talk and still be totally comfortable with that... it's having a sense of anticipation when you are away from them because you know they will be there when you get back... or maybe more to the point it is ENJOYING doing your own thing and being by yourself because you know it's temporary...
so is it just the comfort thing? when you first fall in love of course it's all about the passion and intensity, then you get the intimacy and the comfort and the knowledge that there is someone 'there' for you... it's that feeling that you will always have a 'partner in crime' someone who is with you when it's US against the WORLD...(i guess that's where the legal thing comes from where a wife can't be forced to testify against her husband?)
There are people out there that are comfortable with spending their whole life alone. they are happy never to have children, to never have a wife, to go without the sex for long periods, to live their life independently and selfishly without having to consider anyone... you see lots of 40-something men living that life... my father was like that, as were many of his bachelor friends. They had moved beyond the stage where they were alone and looking, to just being happy to be alone... I can certainly see the attraction of being alone... generally when i've spent large stretches as a single i've been happy enough with my life, concentrating on small pleasures, TV, masturbation, cooking just enough food for me, reading in bed till I'm ready to sleep and not worrying about keeping anyone awake... sleeping in the middle of the bed, lounging round the house in daggy clothes, not bothering with shaving or if my hair is dirty... it's all good...
but then i remember that feeling of coming home to someone and the relief to be able to escape your irritating family members and have someone to express your frustration to... someone who will cook dinner when you've had a hard day just because they care, and they know you will do the same for them. i remember that 'us against the world' feeling where you snuggle up in bed and listen to the rain together...
and i think about old age... how wonderful to have someone who you share those memories of your youth with.. someone to grow old and decrepid with...
when my father died, he was alone... he had been alone for a long time... the closest person in his life was his mother. He must have felt so alone. although i know he was not the sort to be lonely in his everyday life, when he started to get sick, how awful not to have someone who cared about him, someone who remembered their love for him after a lifetime of shared joys and griefs...
Not that relationships are all about the bad times... so much of a relationship is about the good times... the great times, the trips away, being introduced to new thoughts and experiences, someone to drag yoy out of your comfort zone when you needed to be slapped around the head a bit...i don't think i would ever be one of those who got to the point where the independence and selfishness of having noone to think about but myself would outweigh all those wonderful relationship bits.. at least i hope not...