DP#6 Meditation Journal essay
These are excerpts from my Meditation Journal. Since the original journal entries were more like essays than jotted notes, I figured it was the most appropriate format. And of course, I've left out the really private stuff that I didn't want to share...
Meditation Journal
While preparing the documentation for the completion of my DP, I realized that my journal was rather rambling, as my meditations have taken me. It was also a bit long and there were some private thoughts I did not feel comfortable sharing. Therefore, I’ve decided to edit the journal and reorganize it according to particularly relevant entries.
Copied into my journal from an email sent July 4, 2004:
My first experience with paganism of any sort was a "Wiccan" (don't have any clue what sect of it) Beltainne ritual, sans the sexual element (which was held elsewhere to protect the faint of heart), done in a hotel room at a Sci-Fi convention. The main thing that attracted me was the guided meditation. It was fairly simple: putting the participants in a light trance, visualizing being in whatever setting made the participants feel most comfortable (mine was floating in the Pacific Ocean of the CA coast). Then, one's inner child walked (on an ocean?!) up and had a conversation, with advice being exchanged. Sort of: what have you learned and how can you use what you've learned? Somehow, this first experience with meditation introduced me to the idea of being so relaxed that one could gain perspective. I was so relaxed, that when a "friend" placed a large chunk of ice on the small of my back (as a gag), I was able to lie there serenely until the ice melted, continuing the conversation without flinching. He never tried anything like that again...
I find floating in water to be a supremely relaxing feeling. Since early childhood, I've been an aquatic sort, and my "out-of-body" dreams have involved "swimming" rather than "flying" through the air. In some ways, floating on top of an element not friendly to our breathing techniques, kinda puts one in the position of "between-ness" - like the mistletoe, that is neither rooted in the ground, nor fully airborne. And there is a slight element of danger - stay too long in the water and every one of us drowns (regardless of swimming experience). And water being the source of inspiration - I find the poetic alignment quite interesting for meditation.
Two powers comments:
One of the things that cemented my impression of ADF as something that felt right for me was the two powers tree meditation. I could really feel my legs extending out like roots to seek the dark coolness of the source. I could imagine with my mind’s eye the star that shines for me alone, high above where I was rooted deep into Mother Earth. I could stretch my imagination from the depths to the expanses. I could feel the liquid coolness mixing with the warm light and mix to become creative energy. Since that first tree meditation, the two powers attunement has been the most important tool for me in ritual. I enjoy going to 1st Friday Blessing Rites, not because I find the candle blessing personally useful, but because I enjoy contributing my energies to the collective whole and passing whatever blessing I can to those who do find the candles useful. Somehow I feel that what blessing I may need does not require a concrete object to symbolize it. I can feel it directly, affecting my life as I choose to allow. In that respect, it is quite empowering.
Meditating with other women:
The delving meditation, as I think of it, enfolded me in the cool security of the creative womb. It sent me back to my first experience with guided meditation, when I pulled up the image of floating in the Pacific of the South California coast. The creative energy that remained with the group of women fueled the cooperative composition of a chant. I found myself seeking ways to help the group chant move in the collectively consensual vector. I found myself creating harmonies beyond my usual capacity. Alcohol can sometimes release this level of creativity, although with less control and precision, yet I had less alcohol this weekend than my freed spirit might indicate.
Beginning Yoga
I just tried the beginning Yoga class and I feel like I can breathe better than before the session. Then I tried the two powers attunement. Wow. I can really feel my limbs melting into roots that reach down into the rich moist earth, seeking the chaotic source of inspiration, creativity and reemergence. I can feel the waters course up through my legs and pooling in my groin. I can feel the waters traverse up through my torso and into my head and down my arms through my fingertips. At the same time I feel the light from above shining down upon the water, mixing with it throughout my body, feeling tingly with creativity and reason. I am a tree with its roots grounded deep and its crown reaching tall. I feel at peace.
General thoughts
[after a yoga session]: I’m not really doing much ritual in meditating, just grounding and centering in a comfortable position. Concentrating on breathing peacefully. Sometimes I light incense beforehand, sometimes not. I like the times when I’m alone. When Madoc has gone to bed and AJ is out with friends, I can sit peacefully without worrying about being bothered by outside influences, except when the occasional telephone ring interrupts me… I’ve been thinking a lot about holding disparate thoughts simultaneously in my head and examining them together to resolve differences if I can. I’m reminded of Orson Scot Card’s Speaker for the Dead and the usefulness of negotiating peace over perpetuating war. But how do you get rid of warmongers without resorting to their methods?
A (very) Discordian experience:
[I wrote an inspired entry here about my explorations of Discordianism-purely undertaken by Serendipitous causes!-and then my computer froze and I could not recover the unsaved essay. Eris rearing her ugly head? Who knows. However, when the “call for papers” from Oak Leaves went out in August, I was able to focus more on the subject as it pertains to the Norse pantheon, and I resurrected some of my thinking from that meditation (I started meditating, and while meditating and trancing, pulled out of it just enough to type on the computer in a trance-state). The resulting essay (On the Benefits of Loki) is being published in OakLeaves #29-Summer 2005]
On the nature of Divinity
I use my meditations to focus my thinking more directly at the issues that are on my mind. Over the past few weeks I’ve had a growing sense of unease about my decision to undertake the DP. Since my meditations seem to be more secular in nature, and I’m not getting a “divine inspiration,” does that mean that the DP is never going to be complete? What about a patron deity (or deities)? The more I meditate and read and then meditate, the more I start seeing human beings as divine, and less so entities existing outside of ourselves. I find myself focusing on Greek philosophers. Should I change my assumed focus on the Celtic and Norse pantheons (as practiced by my family and my local grove) to the Greeks? But the Greek pantheon seems pathetic to me. Zeus, their leader is too patristic, yet he’s a philandering nutcase, IMHO. Eris seems to be more of an influence (from my readings on Discordian philosophy), yet I can’t agree wholly with the Discordian mind-bent. Still seems a bit nuts (to me, personally). Brigh was introduced to me through Liafal’s influence, and I find myself strongly attracted to those areas for which she is patronesse. Yet I see her more as an archetype than a Divinity (and I know that some people do not see a distinction between the two concepts). I am also attracted to Gaia, most specifically the artistic representation embodied within our Gaia statue. The holistic approach to environmentalism and the interconnectedness of existence is shown within this statue, with the world as her pregnant belly and all the “stone and stream, red and green” spirituality. Yet it, too, is an archetype of how I think. The patron I am most strongly attracted to is not a Deity at all, but a Greek philosopher, Pyrrho, the First Skeptic. His ten modes of thinking embody the evolutionary and scientific methodology that I “believe.” This is not to say, as Margot Adler discusses, that I discount the spiritual. Spiritual experiences are what brought me to pagan philosophy. But the closer a religion comes to being definitive on the nature of divinity, the less inclined I am to believe them, as usually it counters the common sense of my experiences. I’ve been reading more and more about the Greek philosophers, yet identifying artistically more with the Celtic/Norse cultures. My instinct says: merge them, synthesize them, be more cosmopolitan in my study-diversity is good. One of my weaknesses in college was “too many interests, not enough focus” (I had a difficult time deciding on a major, and now I’m not even working in my major field!). Perhaps this “problem” can be a strength, in that it prompts me, through dialectic contrast, to think more deeply.
Concluding thoughts on the types of meditation:
I have meditated quite a lot since I was a child. I used to roam the ‘back woods’ alone, climbing trees with a bookbag slung over my shoulder to sit in the trees to read. I used to block all outside influences as I became part of the book itself, living vicariously through the words on the pages. I also used to shut the books and daydream in a free-form meditative state-and even in school I would get in trouble for slipping into meditative contemplation (paying attention to the inner self rather than the outer world…). I still do light meditation while traveling back and forth to work. While working through the Dedicant’s Program, I have identified 3 types of meditation that I use for spiritual work:
Meditation Journal
While preparing the documentation for the completion of my DP, I realized that my journal was rather rambling, as my meditations have taken me. It was also a bit long and there were some private thoughts I did not feel comfortable sharing. Therefore, I’ve decided to edit the journal and reorganize it according to particularly relevant entries.
Copied into my journal from an email sent July 4, 2004:
My first experience with paganism of any sort was a "Wiccan" (don't have any clue what sect of it) Beltainne ritual, sans the sexual element (which was held elsewhere to protect the faint of heart), done in a hotel room at a Sci-Fi convention. The main thing that attracted me was the guided meditation. It was fairly simple: putting the participants in a light trance, visualizing being in whatever setting made the participants feel most comfortable (mine was floating in the Pacific Ocean of the CA coast). Then, one's inner child walked (on an ocean?!) up and had a conversation, with advice being exchanged. Sort of: what have you learned and how can you use what you've learned? Somehow, this first experience with meditation introduced me to the idea of being so relaxed that one could gain perspective. I was so relaxed, that when a "friend" placed a large chunk of ice on the small of my back (as a gag), I was able to lie there serenely until the ice melted, continuing the conversation without flinching. He never tried anything like that again...
I find floating in water to be a supremely relaxing feeling. Since early childhood, I've been an aquatic sort, and my "out-of-body" dreams have involved "swimming" rather than "flying" through the air. In some ways, floating on top of an element not friendly to our breathing techniques, kinda puts one in the position of "between-ness" - like the mistletoe, that is neither rooted in the ground, nor fully airborne. And there is a slight element of danger - stay too long in the water and every one of us drowns (regardless of swimming experience). And water being the source of inspiration - I find the poetic alignment quite interesting for meditation.
Two powers comments:
One of the things that cemented my impression of ADF as something that felt right for me was the two powers tree meditation. I could really feel my legs extending out like roots to seek the dark coolness of the source. I could imagine with my mind’s eye the star that shines for me alone, high above where I was rooted deep into Mother Earth. I could stretch my imagination from the depths to the expanses. I could feel the liquid coolness mixing with the warm light and mix to become creative energy. Since that first tree meditation, the two powers attunement has been the most important tool for me in ritual. I enjoy going to 1st Friday Blessing Rites, not because I find the candle blessing personally useful, but because I enjoy contributing my energies to the collective whole and passing whatever blessing I can to those who do find the candles useful. Somehow I feel that what blessing I may need does not require a concrete object to symbolize it. I can feel it directly, affecting my life as I choose to allow. In that respect, it is quite empowering.
Meditating with other women:
The delving meditation, as I think of it, enfolded me in the cool security of the creative womb. It sent me back to my first experience with guided meditation, when I pulled up the image of floating in the Pacific of the South California coast. The creative energy that remained with the group of women fueled the cooperative composition of a chant. I found myself seeking ways to help the group chant move in the collectively consensual vector. I found myself creating harmonies beyond my usual capacity. Alcohol can sometimes release this level of creativity, although with less control and precision, yet I had less alcohol this weekend than my freed spirit might indicate.
Beginning Yoga
I just tried the beginning Yoga class and I feel like I can breathe better than before the session. Then I tried the two powers attunement. Wow. I can really feel my limbs melting into roots that reach down into the rich moist earth, seeking the chaotic source of inspiration, creativity and reemergence. I can feel the waters course up through my legs and pooling in my groin. I can feel the waters traverse up through my torso and into my head and down my arms through my fingertips. At the same time I feel the light from above shining down upon the water, mixing with it throughout my body, feeling tingly with creativity and reason. I am a tree with its roots grounded deep and its crown reaching tall. I feel at peace.
General thoughts
[after a yoga session]: I’m not really doing much ritual in meditating, just grounding and centering in a comfortable position. Concentrating on breathing peacefully. Sometimes I light incense beforehand, sometimes not. I like the times when I’m alone. When Madoc has gone to bed and AJ is out with friends, I can sit peacefully without worrying about being bothered by outside influences, except when the occasional telephone ring interrupts me… I’ve been thinking a lot about holding disparate thoughts simultaneously in my head and examining them together to resolve differences if I can. I’m reminded of Orson Scot Card’s Speaker for the Dead and the usefulness of negotiating peace over perpetuating war. But how do you get rid of warmongers without resorting to their methods?
A (very) Discordian experience:
[I wrote an inspired entry here about my explorations of Discordianism-purely undertaken by Serendipitous causes!-and then my computer froze and I could not recover the unsaved essay. Eris rearing her ugly head? Who knows. However, when the “call for papers” from Oak Leaves went out in August, I was able to focus more on the subject as it pertains to the Norse pantheon, and I resurrected some of my thinking from that meditation (I started meditating, and while meditating and trancing, pulled out of it just enough to type on the computer in a trance-state). The resulting essay (On the Benefits of Loki) is being published in OakLeaves #29-Summer 2005]
On the nature of Divinity
I use my meditations to focus my thinking more directly at the issues that are on my mind. Over the past few weeks I’ve had a growing sense of unease about my decision to undertake the DP. Since my meditations seem to be more secular in nature, and I’m not getting a “divine inspiration,” does that mean that the DP is never going to be complete? What about a patron deity (or deities)? The more I meditate and read and then meditate, the more I start seeing human beings as divine, and less so entities existing outside of ourselves. I find myself focusing on Greek philosophers. Should I change my assumed focus on the Celtic and Norse pantheons (as practiced by my family and my local grove) to the Greeks? But the Greek pantheon seems pathetic to me. Zeus, their leader is too patristic, yet he’s a philandering nutcase, IMHO. Eris seems to be more of an influence (from my readings on Discordian philosophy), yet I can’t agree wholly with the Discordian mind-bent. Still seems a bit nuts (to me, personally). Brigh was introduced to me through Liafal’s influence, and I find myself strongly attracted to those areas for which she is patronesse. Yet I see her more as an archetype than a Divinity (and I know that some people do not see a distinction between the two concepts). I am also attracted to Gaia, most specifically the artistic representation embodied within our Gaia statue. The holistic approach to environmentalism and the interconnectedness of existence is shown within this statue, with the world as her pregnant belly and all the “stone and stream, red and green” spirituality. Yet it, too, is an archetype of how I think. The patron I am most strongly attracted to is not a Deity at all, but a Greek philosopher, Pyrrho, the First Skeptic. His ten modes of thinking embody the evolutionary and scientific methodology that I “believe.” This is not to say, as Margot Adler discusses, that I discount the spiritual. Spiritual experiences are what brought me to pagan philosophy. But the closer a religion comes to being definitive on the nature of divinity, the less inclined I am to believe them, as usually it counters the common sense of my experiences. I’ve been reading more and more about the Greek philosophers, yet identifying artistically more with the Celtic/Norse cultures. My instinct says: merge them, synthesize them, be more cosmopolitan in my study-diversity is good. One of my weaknesses in college was “too many interests, not enough focus” (I had a difficult time deciding on a major, and now I’m not even working in my major field!). Perhaps this “problem” can be a strength, in that it prompts me, through dialectic contrast, to think more deeply.
Concluding thoughts on the types of meditation:
I have meditated quite a lot since I was a child. I used to roam the ‘back woods’ alone, climbing trees with a bookbag slung over my shoulder to sit in the trees to read. I used to block all outside influences as I became part of the book itself, living vicariously through the words on the pages. I also used to shut the books and daydream in a free-form meditative state-and even in school I would get in trouble for slipping into meditative contemplation (paying attention to the inner self rather than the outer world…). I still do light meditation while traveling back and forth to work. While working through the Dedicant’s Program, I have identified 3 types of meditation that I use for spiritual work:
- Ritual: sitting posture or standing “tree” meditation (AKA Two Powers-although, there are different types of two-powers meditation. e.g. I just read a LiveJournal entry about one ADF member who started by ‘becoming’ a drop of water dripping off a leaf to be absorbed by the earth and then reaching up to draw down the raw sky power…)
- Solvitur ambulandum: a concept from the Latin observation that whilst walking one often slips into a meditative state that is conducive to solving problems. This concept is useful for ritual procession, yet in my experience with grove processions it seems like we do not have a long enough walk to truly take advantage of this seemingly natural process. It takes about half a mile before the meditation takes hold of me. I will be using this process in my Dedicant’s Oath.
- Nature-inspiration: Nature inspires the meditative state, especially when one is solitary-but also when the present company has a common spiritual focus. Buddhist temples seem to take this form of meditation to a high art. However, the nemeton at Tredara inspires natural meditation. During rituals I can feel the solar power on my skin. I can hear the ground-dwellers and sky-flutterers and trees rustling in the wind. I can feel the moist earth nourishing my ‘roots.’ There is a place about a mile from my current home (solvitur ambulandum if I walk there). There are five large piles of erosion-resisting rocks dumped as walls between the sandy beach and Lake Erie. The piles are high enough that one can sit hidden from the shore on the other side of the rocks. I walk there to meditate on my own, sitting in contemplation for an hour or more. While considering where to hold my Dedicant’s Oath Rite, this place came to my mind almost immediately. It seems perfect.