friendship musings
I've gotten some confusing feedback lately on whom I like/dislike, according to other people...
Since I get confusing feedback from various sources (that don't necessarily agree with each other...), I feel it is necessary to state: I like most people. I'm more tolerant of different types of people than they think I am. In fact, I don't think there's anyone on LJ that I dislike, even when they do questionable things. Most of the time, if their intent isn't obviously malicious, the questionable actions are fairly easy for me to shrug off. Even when the action in question affects me negatively, I worry more about whether I might have done something to warrant the behavior, than what might have offended me. Or I worry whether there's something I can do to change it. But sometimes (probably because my "bland" expression has the corners of my mouth naturally turned down) people think I'm upset when I'm just tired or pensive.
Which gets me thinking: many of us react to what we "think" the other person might think of us than what they really do think of us. Especially when the feedback isn't as obvious as a punch in the face would be. So many times have I not wanted to intrude because of what I "think" the other person might think of me. And that gets in the way of light friendships (that can turn into more...).
Just because I don't smile or wave or phone-every-day doesn't mean I don't like you. I want to work more on the smiling/waving/hugging bit. Phoning may be difficult for me to do -- unless we're planning to go somewhere together or whatnot; I tend to use the phone only for purposeful conversation. Social gatherings are more for general conversations, the way I normally work.
But there is one type of person (not that I know of on LJ) that really gets my goat. The type of self-serving people that command all attention to themselves without a care for those they step on. That only "care" about those people that can do something for them, and never think to lend a kind word or smile or hand to someone really needing it. Granted, all of us act like that at one time or another in our lives, but when it's every day, then I have no time for that person. It's a malicious way of life, IMNSHO. For the ordinary folks, making ordinary mistakes, that opinion does not apply.
I guess I needed to get that off my chest.
Anyhow, if you want to know whether or not I like you, ask yourself "have I acted out of malice?" If the answer is an honest "no," then chances are I like you despite any mistakes you might have made. For whatever that may be worth to you.
To me, I think it's worth saying: don't be too hard on yourself.
Since I get confusing feedback from various sources (that don't necessarily agree with each other...), I feel it is necessary to state: I like most people. I'm more tolerant of different types of people than they think I am. In fact, I don't think there's anyone on LJ that I dislike, even when they do questionable things. Most of the time, if their intent isn't obviously malicious, the questionable actions are fairly easy for me to shrug off. Even when the action in question affects me negatively, I worry more about whether I might have done something to warrant the behavior, than what might have offended me. Or I worry whether there's something I can do to change it. But sometimes (probably because my "bland" expression has the corners of my mouth naturally turned down) people think I'm upset when I'm just tired or pensive.
Which gets me thinking: many of us react to what we "think" the other person might think of us than what they really do think of us. Especially when the feedback isn't as obvious as a punch in the face would be. So many times have I not wanted to intrude because of what I "think" the other person might think of me. And that gets in the way of light friendships (that can turn into more...).
Just because I don't smile or wave or phone-every-day doesn't mean I don't like you. I want to work more on the smiling/waving/hugging bit. Phoning may be difficult for me to do -- unless we're planning to go somewhere together or whatnot; I tend to use the phone only for purposeful conversation. Social gatherings are more for general conversations, the way I normally work.
But there is one type of person (not that I know of on LJ) that really gets my goat. The type of self-serving people that command all attention to themselves without a care for those they step on. That only "care" about those people that can do something for them, and never think to lend a kind word or smile or hand to someone really needing it. Granted, all of us act like that at one time or another in our lives, but when it's every day, then I have no time for that person. It's a malicious way of life, IMNSHO. For the ordinary folks, making ordinary mistakes, that opinion does not apply.
I guess I needed to get that off my chest.
Anyhow, if you want to know whether or not I like you, ask yourself "have I acted out of malice?" If the answer is an honest "no," then chances are I like you despite any mistakes you might have made. For whatever that may be worth to you.
To me, I think it's worth saying: don't be too hard on yourself.