Lots had been happening, here's the abridged version ( Read more... )

I'm crazy. I'm seriously cracking up. My life is a shambles. I get insanely jelous. Then I'll be happy and sad and crying and angry and elated. I just want to get off this rollercoaster called life. I want to be normal damn it!! I want to be in love with someone who loves me back. I want to be happy about everything in my life. I want to ( Read more... )

Ok, so I had the wierdest dream last night. I dreamt about the devil. Not the real devil, that person Jan and I call the devil. We were in this group of people, he ended up talking to me and then asked me if I wanted to give him another chance. It's so wierd cause he's married and I haven't even talked to him since he's been back from Russia. ( Read more... )

My life has been a complete roller coaster for the past week or so. I'm happy, sad, angry, jealous,excited. I haven't had time to catch my breath through each emotion. The other night I was so elated and happy I was literally crying. Tears were streaming down my face as I was smiling and laughing. He thought I was crazy. He thought I had ( Read more... )

Lies lies lies lies. Every word was lies, and I believed it!!! I'm so stupid. Right now I wish I had never fallen in love, never trusted you, never opened my heart and soul to you. You only trampled on my love. You betrayed my trust. You cut my heart making it eternally bleed. And you've shattered my soul forever. Thank you. Thanks for a ( Read more... )

I thought I knew what was going on. I thought I could deal with it. And I finally got the guts to step up and get over myself and my feelings so that someone else wouldn't get hurt. But then I get trashed for it. Like I'm not an adult and I can't make my own decisions. Everyone is just "looking out for my best interest." I'm not a stupid ( Read more... )

you're tearing me apart by the seams... and I'm letting you.
I wear my heart on my sleve.
I cry every day now.
I sleep all the time.
I feel sick all the time.
Forcing myself to eat isn't a good thing.
I'm going crazy again, and I'm pretty sure it's going to be a longer bumpyier ride than before.

ugh. Sometimes I just don't understand myself. I broke down and just cried for about an hour last night. Things haven't been that bad or even stressful (yet). I dunno. Anyway I entered a poetry contest last night. I don't expect to win. But I thought that it was good enough to share. Until next time ( Read more... )

No one told me love was going to be this hard. Not the books, the movies, my parents, or friends. They always made it seem as if no matter what problems you have or encounter, if you truely love eachother, everything works out in the end. It was a lie. But maybe it was my lie. Maybe I blinded myself to the bad turn outs, the heart break. I ( Read more... )

I really seriously thought that things would change once I got back to school. But they're the same. I'm the same. As much as I've wanted to be better and not lost and not hurt I still am. Just one more year... Just one more year... Maybe then the past can really be the past. No more empty promises. Until next time ( Read more... )