Even God, the artist of the cosmos, waited for a moment of inspiration.
It's funny how little we progress sometimes. There's small pieces of us that are tied to our past and no matter how much emphasis we put on changing them, there is no turning back. There are things that we do less and less often, and happen so rarely, that we do not even realize we are doing, or care that we are.
Once in a great while, I read. I read to find out if he has some new girl and if he'll ever feel for her what he did for me. I'll go back and read his e-mail, the last one he sent me, and realize that there was nothing between us more than a great pile of nostalgia. But god, that nostalgia was something great.
Laffy Taffy. Tuesday Nights @ Interact. The woods. Secret hideaways and long walks on the beach. Philosophical questioning and challenges. I'm sure you all remember - most of you were there. Then it all kind of crashed and burned. Not that it wasn't for the best, because believe me, it was.
"This will always hurt, on some level. Even if I find someone else or I find peace with being alone, there will always be a part that wishes things were different. I want to be at peace with my life and my world, not fighting a ceaseless emotional battle with fear and regret............. I always stated that I needed some closure, I don't know if it will come. There will always be a 'what if' for me; the days I see you walking... it will all come flooding back. If I stumble upon a picture or a letter, trust that I'm probably going to be inconsolable for quite a while."
It's funny because he didn't even recognize me. It's been... what a mere couple of years? The stutter, the pause, that look. I wonder if it happened as he said, because then I feel guilt... perhaps. I have this wonderful life. I have found that thing I was always looking for within him... well, more specifically, in the first person I would love. I don't go back to an empty place of books and thoughts that's undecipherable to most in the world. This boy, who I was more friends with than ever a lover, gets to sit at home and this tiny piece he will always have of me feels a pinge of pain. I never wanted either one of us to get hurt, and in the end, I don't think that either of us did. It worked out for the best, but I never didn't say that I didn't want him to be happy.
I have love, in all the ways he always described it.... the ways WE described it, though I'm pretty sure neither of us felt it for one another. This song screams out to me.
"Help, I have done it again
I have been here many times before
Hurt myself again today
And, the worst part is there's no-one else to blame
Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
I'm needy
Warm me up
And breathe me
Ouch I have lost myself again
Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found,
Yeah I think that I might break
I've lost myself again and I feel unsafe"
That's it. End.
Once in a great while, I read. I read to find out if he has some new girl and if he'll ever feel for her what he did for me. I'll go back and read his e-mail, the last one he sent me, and realize that there was nothing between us more than a great pile of nostalgia. But god, that nostalgia was something great.
Laffy Taffy. Tuesday Nights @ Interact. The woods. Secret hideaways and long walks on the beach. Philosophical questioning and challenges. I'm sure you all remember - most of you were there. Then it all kind of crashed and burned. Not that it wasn't for the best, because believe me, it was.
"This will always hurt, on some level. Even if I find someone else or I find peace with being alone, there will always be a part that wishes things were different. I want to be at peace with my life and my world, not fighting a ceaseless emotional battle with fear and regret............. I always stated that I needed some closure, I don't know if it will come. There will always be a 'what if' for me; the days I see you walking... it will all come flooding back. If I stumble upon a picture or a letter, trust that I'm probably going to be inconsolable for quite a while."
It's funny because he didn't even recognize me. It's been... what a mere couple of years? The stutter, the pause, that look. I wonder if it happened as he said, because then I feel guilt... perhaps. I have this wonderful life. I have found that thing I was always looking for within him... well, more specifically, in the first person I would love. I don't go back to an empty place of books and thoughts that's undecipherable to most in the world. This boy, who I was more friends with than ever a lover, gets to sit at home and this tiny piece he will always have of me feels a pinge of pain. I never wanted either one of us to get hurt, and in the end, I don't think that either of us did. It worked out for the best, but I never didn't say that I didn't want him to be happy.
I have love, in all the ways he always described it.... the ways WE described it, though I'm pretty sure neither of us felt it for one another. This song screams out to me.
"Help, I have done it again
I have been here many times before
Hurt myself again today
And, the worst part is there's no-one else to blame
Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
I'm needy
Warm me up
And breathe me
Ouch I have lost myself again
Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found,
Yeah I think that I might break
I've lost myself again and I feel unsafe"
That's it. End.