Friday the 13th review
Thinky-thoughts on the Friday the 13th movie (will also contain some references to My Bloody Valentine)
I finally got to see Friday 13th last night, after many days of tirelessly avoiding spoilers and other people's reviews, as I didn't want their thoughts prejudicing my own in any way.
Before I start, I just want to make it clear that I don't go in for any of that bullshit of 'I'm a Jensen girl, I'm a Jared girl' etc etc. I love both of the guys, and was incredibly excited that they were both getting big screen horror movie releases this year, because I'm a fan of the horror genre. Although I was probably a little more excited for F13, purely because I already knew about the mythology of Jason, and everything that comes with him, whereas My Bloody Valentine was a completely new experience, I'd never seen the slasher it was based on and so had no idea what to expect.
I loved My Bloody Valentine. Friday the 13th, disappointingly, not so much.
It seems to me that in a horror film I should care about the characters that are in peril. I should be scared for them, feel the tension they are feeling, want them to fight against the monster in the dark and triumph against it (or at least some of them should - we all want some juicy kills, right?) But with F13, I didn't give a shit about any of these kids. They were nothing more than two-dimensional machete fodder. Doped up, boozy, sex-mad lambs to the slaughter. And we all know if you do any of those things in a horror movie, you're guaranteed to bite it. And oh yeah, the token black dude dies. Don't expect them to subvert that cliché. Do expect them to make him look like a complete fucking idiot by going outside where the killer is with a wok strapped to his arm.
With these kids (I don't even remember their names, that's how great their character development was) I was mentally telling Jason where they were in the house, so he could kill them quicker and I didn't have to listen to them bitching at each other any more. Oh, and when the whiny 'don't touch my stuff!' guy screamed like a little girl when the chick he'd been screwing fell on the police car? I almost had an accident, I laughed so hard. Although I'm not sure that was the intention.....
Lets stop a second to talk about breasts. I like breasts. Hell, I have two of my own. But all the gratuitous titty shots... well, they just got boring. *"You have perfect nipple placement"? I mean, WTF?* Even the scene with Irene in 'My Bloody Valentine', where she's running around completely nude the entire time, I never once felt uncomfortable with that. She was such a fierce and ballsy character and her nudity was done in an amusing way (even if she did die a horrible death in the end). Although perhaps if she'd not been wearing those fabulous platforms she would have appeared more vulnerable. I think the shoes made it.
But in F13 it felt like they were thinking 'lets see how many naked breasts we can fit into this movie for sheer gratification.' Sadly, none of them were Jared's, although his glorious man-boobs did make a few valiant attempts to strain through that oh-so-tight T-shirt he was wearing.
Speaking of Jared, Clay was the only character I actually felt any connection with. Maybe this was because I'm already a huge fan of Jared's work, I don't know, but I thought he did a good job with what he was given. Even saying that, there were really only two scenes where I felt he was actually reaching down and giving me something special, the scene where he told the policeman about his mother dying, and the scene where he finally found Whitney. I really felt his relief, his guilt, his fear and his sheer disbelief at the situation they'd found themselves in. Other than that, it was just a case of looking scared, angry, pensive or a combination thereof (it's all in the brows, don't you know). It's hardly stretching his acting muscles (even if all his other muscles were stretching so deliciously during the film. God). Jared can do this stuff in his sleep. I want desperately to see him in a role that really pushes him, because I know he can do it. I see him knocking it out of the park on Supernatural, so I know he has it in him.
Speaking of the policemen, what was that bullshit about them not finding anything suspicious where the kids disappeared? Did they even look? Clay was there for five minutes and he finds the busted GPS... nevermind the FUCKING MASSIVE PATCH OF WEED. Or perhaps the police did find the weed, and that's why they're so incompetent (and get killed... horror always has morals, remember?)
So. Jason. We've all grown up with him. And I think, for the most part, he was portrayed well in this, (if only for the fact that I was rooting for him to kill everyone... not Clay, though. Never Clay.), except for his slightly over-the-top 'I'm a serial killer and I'm come to slice and dice you' catalogue poses that he seemed to love to pull in every shot. He got fast too. How does he get around so quickly? Even with the underground tunnels. Perhaps he should spend a little less time carving people, a little more time on the treadmill, we could have a future Olympic runner on our hands. Win Gold for Mommy, Jason.
So, all in all, I didn't HATE the movie. I liked it for what it was, it does what it sets out to do. It's got plenty of good kills, some great music, the fight scene between Jason and Clay at the end is fantastic (although I did feel that could have been slightly longer) and Jared wet and dirty and bleeding is always something I'm going to enjoy. Maybe I'm slightly warped in that respect. And of course, there's the old bluff at the end where Jason's dead but not really, so we get the door left open for more. Which is bound to happen now.
But when it comes down to it I definitely had more fun at My Bloody Valentine, whether this was because of the novelty of the 3D remains to be seen, but if it wasn't for Jared being in F13 I honestly don't think I'd give it a repeat viewing. (I'm not really trying to compare the two films as they're both completely different, it's just that they're the last two horrors I've seen, both were hotly anticipated and both star the actors from my favourite show, so it's hard not to think about them both at the same time)
But the public have spoken, and they've gone apeshit at the US box-office for F13, (I am thrilled for Jared for that, don't get me wrong. He deserves to be seen and appreciated by a wider audience) and while MBV took a respectful amount, I think it's a shame that it didn't take more, as in my opinion it's actually the better movie.
I finally got to see Friday 13th last night, after many days of tirelessly avoiding spoilers and other people's reviews, as I didn't want their thoughts prejudicing my own in any way.
Before I start, I just want to make it clear that I don't go in for any of that bullshit of 'I'm a Jensen girl, I'm a Jared girl' etc etc. I love both of the guys, and was incredibly excited that they were both getting big screen horror movie releases this year, because I'm a fan of the horror genre. Although I was probably a little more excited for F13, purely because I already knew about the mythology of Jason, and everything that comes with him, whereas My Bloody Valentine was a completely new experience, I'd never seen the slasher it was based on and so had no idea what to expect.
I loved My Bloody Valentine. Friday the 13th, disappointingly, not so much.
It seems to me that in a horror film I should care about the characters that are in peril. I should be scared for them, feel the tension they are feeling, want them to fight against the monster in the dark and triumph against it (or at least some of them should - we all want some juicy kills, right?) But with F13, I didn't give a shit about any of these kids. They were nothing more than two-dimensional machete fodder. Doped up, boozy, sex-mad lambs to the slaughter. And we all know if you do any of those things in a horror movie, you're guaranteed to bite it. And oh yeah, the token black dude dies. Don't expect them to subvert that cliché. Do expect them to make him look like a complete fucking idiot by going outside where the killer is with a wok strapped to his arm.
With these kids (I don't even remember their names, that's how great their character development was) I was mentally telling Jason where they were in the house, so he could kill them quicker and I didn't have to listen to them bitching at each other any more. Oh, and when the whiny 'don't touch my stuff!' guy screamed like a little girl when the chick he'd been screwing fell on the police car? I almost had an accident, I laughed so hard. Although I'm not sure that was the intention.....
Lets stop a second to talk about breasts. I like breasts. Hell, I have two of my own. But all the gratuitous titty shots... well, they just got boring. *"You have perfect nipple placement"? I mean, WTF?* Even the scene with Irene in 'My Bloody Valentine', where she's running around completely nude the entire time, I never once felt uncomfortable with that. She was such a fierce and ballsy character and her nudity was done in an amusing way (even if she did die a horrible death in the end). Although perhaps if she'd not been wearing those fabulous platforms she would have appeared more vulnerable. I think the shoes made it.
But in F13 it felt like they were thinking 'lets see how many naked breasts we can fit into this movie for sheer gratification.' Sadly, none of them were Jared's, although his glorious man-boobs did make a few valiant attempts to strain through that oh-so-tight T-shirt he was wearing.
Speaking of Jared, Clay was the only character I actually felt any connection with. Maybe this was because I'm already a huge fan of Jared's work, I don't know, but I thought he did a good job with what he was given. Even saying that, there were really only two scenes where I felt he was actually reaching down and giving me something special, the scene where he told the policeman about his mother dying, and the scene where he finally found Whitney. I really felt his relief, his guilt, his fear and his sheer disbelief at the situation they'd found themselves in. Other than that, it was just a case of looking scared, angry, pensive or a combination thereof (it's all in the brows, don't you know). It's hardly stretching his acting muscles (even if all his other muscles were stretching so deliciously during the film. God). Jared can do this stuff in his sleep. I want desperately to see him in a role that really pushes him, because I know he can do it. I see him knocking it out of the park on Supernatural, so I know he has it in him.
Speaking of the policemen, what was that bullshit about them not finding anything suspicious where the kids disappeared? Did they even look? Clay was there for five minutes and he finds the busted GPS... nevermind the FUCKING MASSIVE PATCH OF WEED. Or perhaps the police did find the weed, and that's why they're so incompetent (and get killed... horror always has morals, remember?)
So. Jason. We've all grown up with him. And I think, for the most part, he was portrayed well in this, (if only for the fact that I was rooting for him to kill everyone... not Clay, though. Never Clay.), except for his slightly over-the-top 'I'm a serial killer and I'm come to slice and dice you' catalogue poses that he seemed to love to pull in every shot. He got fast too. How does he get around so quickly? Even with the underground tunnels. Perhaps he should spend a little less time carving people, a little more time on the treadmill, we could have a future Olympic runner on our hands. Win Gold for Mommy, Jason.
So, all in all, I didn't HATE the movie. I liked it for what it was, it does what it sets out to do. It's got plenty of good kills, some great music, the fight scene between Jason and Clay at the end is fantastic (although I did feel that could have been slightly longer) and Jared wet and dirty and bleeding is always something I'm going to enjoy. Maybe I'm slightly warped in that respect. And of course, there's the old bluff at the end where Jason's dead but not really, so we get the door left open for more. Which is bound to happen now.
But when it comes down to it I definitely had more fun at My Bloody Valentine, whether this was because of the novelty of the 3D remains to be seen, but if it wasn't for Jared being in F13 I honestly don't think I'd give it a repeat viewing. (I'm not really trying to compare the two films as they're both completely different, it's just that they're the last two horrors I've seen, both were hotly anticipated and both star the actors from my favourite show, so it's hard not to think about them both at the same time)
But the public have spoken, and they've gone apeshit at the US box-office for F13, (I am thrilled for Jared for that, don't get me wrong. He deserves to be seen and appreciated by a wider audience) and while MBV took a respectful amount, I think it's a shame that it didn't take more, as in my opinion it's actually the better movie.