More rambling . . .
The inner part of me wants to scream at times. I hate not being able to devote as much attention to those I want. I still haven't mastered the art of being able to multitask, or not overcommit myself.
I really really enjoy my game, it's a great time sink, but now I want to spend my efforts on things around me. Some days I just want to curl up and hide from those who constantly seek my attention.
I have a very good game friend that I had a chance to meet in real life, but his codependant personality is a bit taxing at times. If I don't contact him for a few days, he gets all freaked out. He says I'm his closest friend, but I keep telling him that his wife and family should be filling his needs for daily contact, not me. Yes, I am open and accepting of people, but sheesh . . . go be codependant with your spouse!
I don't want to offend him either. I've tactfully pointed out to him that his wife would be the appropriate person to look to for assurances. If it's an emergency, yes I'll be available in what ways I can, but I'm by no means going to be a constant in his life.
Meh . . .
All I want right now is to enjoy the few hours a day I get to spend with my boyfriend. Building communication, and a strong base for a relationship is time consuming, but very rewarding.
I've given up my computer game mostly. I may play only a couple nights a week, rather than every waking moment that I'm not working.
T
he boyfriend . . . Justin . . . (relationship commentary to follow)
Yes, he's got a name. I kept quiet about him for a long time. I was trying really hard not to get attached or carried away with this one. This is my third relationship after divorcing David. The first attempt was a real disaster, and probably very typical for a rebound. It lasted MAYBE two weeks. Probably due to my own neurotic behavior rather than and flaws or faults on his end.
The second was nice promising on the surface, but he proved to be unable to cope with the turbulant emotions that I experience. That lasted just under a month, and ended right before my birthday.
After that, I still talked and met a few guys through a dating site (yeah, yeah, I know), but I really didn't know how to go about meeting new people any other way.
Justin's only a few months younger than my brother. He's from Indiana and has a southern accent. If anything, he reminds me of Tim Allen. Similar humor anyway. My first thought was there was no chance in hell he could keep me interested in a serious relationship. I had always preferred sophisticated and intellectual men . . . and Justin just isn't that type of man.
Amazingly, it's his simplicity that makes me want him most. I overthink and complicate things to an extreme. I found him to be an amazing person to ground myself to. Justin has an honest caring heart. He's amazingly thoughtful, caring, and sensative man. He's definately "manly", but he's also not afraid of emotions . . . mine, his or anyone else's.
He looks at me, and I can see the admiration/desire in his eyes when he tells me that I'm beautiful. I don't doubt it for a second. I've no cause to mistrust him. I feel wanted, loved and appreciated in ways I never felt before.
It will take time, but I think Justin and I have a future together, and if I'm lucky . . . a family. I want children, and if things work well, I may even be able to have my father live with us to help raise them. But these are all long term dreams, but at least Justin is open to them and just as hopeful about our future as I am.