Not Working
I don't really know how to feel right now.
I'm working a temp job at a local bank and I'd really like a full-time job. The bank often hires temps and recently an e-mail was sent out advertising some jobs they had opening. I applied for two and wrung my hands about it; other former temps/current employees reported it had taken them three months to become a full employee. (Was this from interview to status change, I wonder, or from job offer to status change?)
I am moderately okay with working a temp job except that there's no room for expansion. I can look into getting health insurance via the temp agency, but I hear it's pretty expensive. I don't get raises, benefits, or any kind of paid time off--not even for major holidays. (I think I will when I've been temping for X amount of days.) I liked it at first because it meant I didn't have to job hunt; I just had to show up. It felt good. But now I'm considering my future (most notably a colonoscopy I have looming, supposed to happen in January but due to a doctor change might not happen until later), and it seems more important.
And you know, I think one of my problems in looking for a job is that I have no standards. I just want A JOB. A relatively low-stress job (what I do now, clerical work, I like all right, though on days when we're backed up like today it can be stressful) with benefits and at least $10/hr. I'll work anywhere! I'll do (almost) anything! I'd like to work for a small company doing clerical work with the option of learning new things, but really, anything is good!
Really, I thought the bank might be a big break. The stress levels vary, and I'm not always pleased with the environment, but I've made friends there, and my manager is supportive, and working downtown means I have access to interesting foods like sushi and cupcakes. I thought that any unhappiness I had working there could or would be leveled out by a real salary (other people in my department make $15-18/hr) and real benefits. Knowing my medical concerns were covered and that I could afford things in the future (such as a new car, which I am going to need in the next ten years, I imagine) might balance it out. But in the past few days, it's gotten irritating there, kind of NO FUN ALLOWED. I don't know how to feel about it. That, and we discovered today that temps have to put in at least 480 hours (that's 12 weeks/4 months) before they could get hired. So that's great. (I have worked there for a little more than three months.)
My old library is hiring at a different branch and I thought, before going after the bank jobs, that maybe this could be a good chance for me. Working at a different branch meant sidestepping the awkwardness of working with my ex-boyfriend again. When I thought about it, I thought: I like books. I like communities. I was an English major and I don't want to teach--what else is there? Maybe that was what I was looking for. I asked for advice from my library friends this morning on Facebook and was told the competition is high and there are several others from within the library going after the job.
When I worked at the daycare, I felt like I was in a cage. I kept trying to get out of there and I got the occasional interview, but never got a job. (And most of the time, I didn't even get an interview.) Every time I didn't get a job, especially when it felt like a perfect opportunity for me, I kept feeling the cage getting smaller. I felt like I'd be stuck in a job I hated for the rest of my life. I kept wondering what I was doing wrong--badly worded cover letter? Not a wide enough variety of skills? Not enough extracurricular? No experience in the things I wanted to do?
Like I said, the temp agency (combined with working for the tours) felt like a relief after that, but now I'm wondering if I maybe exchanged one cage for another. How much has changed in the last eight months, except for a few things I could add to my resume?
Really, all this boils down to is: thinking I don't have a chance at the library makes me scared to apply, which is silly. I'm going to apply anyway (probably), but that message from my friend just chopped down my hope/self-confidence on a day when I'd decided that the library was the way to go.
I don't like feeling this way and now I'm grumpy. I'm going to eat some lemon chicken and rice and watch TV for the rest of the night and continue to wonder what it is I want from life and what I really want to do, aside from pay my bills and not worry about spending too much at the grocery store.
Also: Little Bee was meh; The Night Circus was lovely throughout.
Also-also: Sometimes I think about starting a new blog. In my head, it is so lovely and fun. Then I remember that I'm irregular with this one, and the other one/project I wanted to start, I haven't gotten off the ground yet. :/
I'm working a temp job at a local bank and I'd really like a full-time job. The bank often hires temps and recently an e-mail was sent out advertising some jobs they had opening. I applied for two and wrung my hands about it; other former temps/current employees reported it had taken them three months to become a full employee. (Was this from interview to status change, I wonder, or from job offer to status change?)
I am moderately okay with working a temp job except that there's no room for expansion. I can look into getting health insurance via the temp agency, but I hear it's pretty expensive. I don't get raises, benefits, or any kind of paid time off--not even for major holidays. (I think I will when I've been temping for X amount of days.) I liked it at first because it meant I didn't have to job hunt; I just had to show up. It felt good. But now I'm considering my future (most notably a colonoscopy I have looming, supposed to happen in January but due to a doctor change might not happen until later), and it seems more important.
And you know, I think one of my problems in looking for a job is that I have no standards. I just want A JOB. A relatively low-stress job (what I do now, clerical work, I like all right, though on days when we're backed up like today it can be stressful) with benefits and at least $10/hr. I'll work anywhere! I'll do (almost) anything! I'd like to work for a small company doing clerical work with the option of learning new things, but really, anything is good!
Really, I thought the bank might be a big break. The stress levels vary, and I'm not always pleased with the environment, but I've made friends there, and my manager is supportive, and working downtown means I have access to interesting foods like sushi and cupcakes. I thought that any unhappiness I had working there could or would be leveled out by a real salary (other people in my department make $15-18/hr) and real benefits. Knowing my medical concerns were covered and that I could afford things in the future (such as a new car, which I am going to need in the next ten years, I imagine) might balance it out. But in the past few days, it's gotten irritating there, kind of NO FUN ALLOWED. I don't know how to feel about it. That, and we discovered today that temps have to put in at least 480 hours (that's 12 weeks/4 months) before they could get hired. So that's great. (I have worked there for a little more than three months.)
My old library is hiring at a different branch and I thought, before going after the bank jobs, that maybe this could be a good chance for me. Working at a different branch meant sidestepping the awkwardness of working with my ex-boyfriend again. When I thought about it, I thought: I like books. I like communities. I was an English major and I don't want to teach--what else is there? Maybe that was what I was looking for. I asked for advice from my library friends this morning on Facebook and was told the competition is high and there are several others from within the library going after the job.
When I worked at the daycare, I felt like I was in a cage. I kept trying to get out of there and I got the occasional interview, but never got a job. (And most of the time, I didn't even get an interview.) Every time I didn't get a job, especially when it felt like a perfect opportunity for me, I kept feeling the cage getting smaller. I felt like I'd be stuck in a job I hated for the rest of my life. I kept wondering what I was doing wrong--badly worded cover letter? Not a wide enough variety of skills? Not enough extracurricular? No experience in the things I wanted to do?
Like I said, the temp agency (combined with working for the tours) felt like a relief after that, but now I'm wondering if I maybe exchanged one cage for another. How much has changed in the last eight months, except for a few things I could add to my resume?
Really, all this boils down to is: thinking I don't have a chance at the library makes me scared to apply, which is silly. I'm going to apply anyway (probably), but that message from my friend just chopped down my hope/self-confidence on a day when I'd decided that the library was the way to go.
I don't like feeling this way and now I'm grumpy. I'm going to eat some lemon chicken and rice and watch TV for the rest of the night and continue to wonder what it is I want from life and what I really want to do, aside from pay my bills and not worry about spending too much at the grocery store.
Also: Little Bee was meh; The Night Circus was lovely throughout.
Also-also: Sometimes I think about starting a new blog. In my head, it is so lovely and fun. Then I remember that I'm irregular with this one, and the other one/project I wanted to start, I haven't gotten off the ground yet. :/