Fic: Re-Animator /From Beyond, "It's the Thought That Counts"
Title: It's the Thought That Counts
Fandoms: Re-Animator/From Beyond AU
Pairing: Dan/Herbert UST and Dan/Crawford UST sorta
Rating: PG-13 (language mostly)
Word Count: 1835
Summary: Dan tries to treat Herbert and Crawford to a nice birthday dinner. Hijinks ensue. Was partly inspired by this drawing by
interatrial
A/N: Part of my "Bro-verse"™ AU where Herbert West and Crawford Tillinghast are twin brothers. Some day I will write out the fic where the circumstances of their births and when Dan finds out are explained.
Bro'verse Master Post: HERE
Herbert frowned at the brightly-colored package set in front of him. "What's this?"
"It's a present."
Herbert scowled at Dan. "I know. But why?"
"It is your birthday today, you know."
"Is it?" Herbert took another drink of coffee and went back to going over his notes.
Dan sighed. "Same day as every year. Aren't you going to open it?"
Herbert set his notes aside and grabbed the box. He shook it a little. "What is it?"
"I don't tell you, you open it to find out."
If it was anything like the birthday and Christmas gifts from Dan in the past, it was probably not even worth the effort of tearing through Dan's shoddy wrapping job. But Dan was just as desperate to continue going through the motions of traditional life as Herbert was to avoiding it. If Herbert didn't open it now, Dan would bother him all day about it. Might as well get it over with.
He tore through the wrapping to discover a plain brown box. "So the mystery continues," Herbert muttered sarcastically to himself. But once he saw what was in the box, he made a small sound of surprise.
Dan grinned. "Thought you'd like that."
"It is refreshingly practical and unsentimental..." It was a set of new cleaning equipment for the lab, brushes for the test tubes and beakers, cleaning solutions, cloths, and sponges. Herbert had been needing some new ones, but would forget or just not have the time.
"I could argue that knowing you don't like sentimental, that in making sure it was practical, was sentimental anyway."
Herbert put the supplies back in the box, amazed at how quickly Dan could make him more fond of him, but then immediately make him remember how irritating he could be. "Yes, well, thank you. Happy birthday to me." He slid the open box to the side and went back to his notes, calling an end to the "festivities."
Dan shifted awkwardly in his chair. "Actually..."
"Now what?"
"I was thinking maybe dinner tonight, you choose the place?"
Herbert stared at him, eyes round. "We don't do... Dinner."
"Yeah, I know, but it's your birthday and it wouldn't be like that. I was going to invite Crawford, too."
"What!? Why?"
"It is his birthday, too."
"Definitely 'no' on the dinner then."
"Oh come on, he's your brother; your twin."
"And I don't understand why you seem to think that just because we happened to share a womb at the same time means I have to acknowledge his continued existence."
Dan nodded. "Okay, fine. If your idea of a good birthday is being cranky and playing in the basement by yourself, go ahead. I'll go call a certain someone who will actually appreciate having a friend wanting to celebrate his birthday."
As Dan stormed out of the kitchen, Herbert shouted anxiously after him, "Don't go home with him!"
Crawford, unsurprisingly, was far more amenable about being treated to a birthday dinner. When Dan discovered his roommate had a brother, he was shocked, even more so to find out it was a twin brother. Dan had horrible visions of there being two Herbert Wests in the world. But upon first meeting Crawford, those fears were assuaged. Despite having the same features, down to the mole above the right corner of his mouth, Crawford's expression was far more open and softer than his brother's. Dan knew he wouldn't have any trouble telling them apart.
Crawford was already waiting at the Italian restaurant they had chosen. He was fiddling with his silverware, but broke in a grin when he saw Dan enter. "Hey," he greeted.
"Hey," Dan returned, sitting down. "Sorry that Herbert couldn't come."
"You mean refused to come."
"Well-"
"You don't have to apologize for him, you know. I'm used to it."
"Makes me wonder why you bother."
Crawford shrugged. "Family's family, what's your excuse?"
Dan flushed and turned away from Crawford's knowing gaze, pretending to be looking for a waiter. "Can't we get some service around here?"
Once dinner was ordered and wine was served (Dan was suddenly in the mood for a lot of red wine), they talked, keeping away from unpleasant subjects, like Herbert. This eventually led to Crawford talking about his work. Although they ended up in different scientific fields, it was evident that Crawford and Herbert shared the same level of intelligence, and even the tendency to latch on to rather unorthodox theories and practices. On more than one occasion Crawford had tried to recruit Herbert and Dan in to helping him with his experiments involving the pineal gland and the theory of parallel universes.
"What the hell does a physicist know about the pineal gland?" Herbert had spat.
"I think that's why he wants the help of medical doctors."
"He's insane. I don't want you talking to him."
That Dan decided to pursue a friendship with Crawford was one part contrariness, another part the hope that maybe having Crawford around could be a positive influence on Herbert, and third part just that well, Dan liked him. He was a little cracked, but at least he was nice.
"Actually," Crawford was saying, "I've met someone who's interested in my research, has been working on something similar himself. He says he can help fund and even provide facilities."
"That's great! Who-"
A shadow fell across the table, and Dan looked up expecting to see their waiter readying to top off their glasses, but to his shock it was Herbert. "What are you doing here?"
Herbert smiled his tight, insincere smile, and grabbed an empty chair from another table. "Making sure you heed my advice."
"What?" Then Dan remembered Herbert shouting at him this morning. "Oh." Not that he was planning on it. Although sometimes he thought he might try hitting on Crawford just to spite Herbert. "How did you even find us?"
"I listened in on your phone conversation. Hello, Crawford. Here, I made you something." He plopped a hastily wrapped box on the center of the table. "Don't open it here."
That had Dan worried. He knew too well the sort of things Herbert "made." And the gift was the right size to contain something like a small pet formed from fingers. Was it just his imagination or did the box shift a little? "What is it?" Dan asked.
"You don't ask that, Dan! It's all about the surprise, right?"
Now Dan was really worried. He was going to suggest that Crawford just toss it in an incinerator and never look back. But Crawford looked so damned happy that Herbert even bothered with a present at all.
"I got you something, too. Thought I'd have to give to Dan to give to you, but..." Crawford reached into his pocket and pulled out a small jewelry box.
Herbert took it and frowned at it suspiciously. "If it's friendship bracelets, I'll kill you." He opened the lid. Inside was a gold tie clip. Engraved on it was the Rod of Asclepius.
"Don't you like it?" Crawford asked nervously.
"I don't wear tie clips."
"You're wearing this one," Dan commanded. He plucked the little gold bar from its box and reached over. He pulled open Herbert's jacket and clipped it in place.
Herbert gaped at him. "Did you just forcibly accessorize me?"
Across from them, Crawford giggled.
"Are you ordering, sir?" All three jumped at the waiter's return; sort of having forgotten they were in a restaurant.
Herbert waved him away. "I'm not hungry."
"If you're not eating, sir-"
"I'll just take from whatever Dan ordered."
"I'm afraid, sir, that sharing is against policy."
"Fine! I'll leave!" He stood.
Dan grabbed his wrist and pulled him back down. "You're here now. I wanted to buy you dinner tonight in the first place."
Herbert looked at the waiter. "In that case, just give me whatever is most expensive."
"Herbert..."
"Crawford..."
"Guys!" Dan silenced the two and told the waiter to get Herbert the same thing Crawford had ordered. Herbert protested at first, but discovered that taste in food was in fact one of their similarities. After the waiter left again, Dan took his full wine glass and drank it in one go.
"Yes, it appears just as well that I'm staying," Herbert said.
"What do you mean?" Dan asked, grimacing as the warm, heavy wine went down.
"Because you'd get drunk, or try to get him drunk, or you'd both get drunk and 'accidentally' end up in bed together."
"You are so delusional! Why can't you believe I can go out to dinner with someone without the ulterior motive of sex?"
"Because I know you!"
"Herbert!" To their surprise it was Crawford who had taken the aggressive, admonishing tone. He had stood, too, glaring at his brother. "Come with me."
"No! Where?" Crawford hauled him up by his arm and pulled him away from the table. "Hey! Stop it! People are staring!"
Crawford led him to the men's room. Thankfully, it was one with a lockable door; a door Herbert found himself shoved against by his usually mild-mannered twin. "Why can't you be nice?" Crawford hissed.
"Why are you too nice?"
"Dammit, I'm not going to sleep with him!"
Herbert's eyes narrowed. "Oh? Why not?"
"Because I'm not particularly interested in sleeping with a guy who only wants to sleep with me because he can pretend I'm you."
His eyes narrowed further. "Don't be ridiculous. Dan doesn't want to have sex with me. He would have said something by now."
"He hasn't said anything because you treat him badly."
"I do not."
"Although why he hasn't seen your jealous snits for what they are..."
The argument was cut off but a high-pitched scream from the dining room. Someone was pounding on the bathroom door immediately after. "Dammit, Herbert, it escaped!"
"What did?" He asked, unlocking the door and opening it to find a very upset Dan.
"What do you think? Crawford's birthday 'present!'"
Herbert's eyes widened. "Oh. The sedative must've worn off."
Dan trudged into their house, Herbert right behind him. "I don't know what all the screaming was about. It was perfectly harmless."
"It was grotesque!"
"I thought the chef was a little overzealous with the butcher's knife, all the same. Did you see Crawford's face? I think he was heart-broken to have his gift destroyed."
"I think he was nauseous."
"I could make him another one."
"Please, please don't." Dan threw himself on the sofa and buried his head in his hands.
Herbert shrugged. "I suppose it's the thought that counts. Isn't that what people say?" He took off his new tie clip and tossed it in the bowl of loose change they kept on the coffee table. He sat next to Dan in silence for a few minutes.
"Crawford told me he won't sleep with you."
"Aaaaargh, Herbert!" Dan flung his hands away from his face. "How can you possibly still be on that?"
"Just thought you should know so you can stop trying."
"I'm not... You know what? I'm going to bed, quite happily, alone."
Herbert watched Dan storm up the stairs and smirked. He hummed "Happy Birthday" to himself as he made his way back down to the cellar.
Fandoms: Re-Animator/From Beyond AU
Pairing: Dan/Herbert UST and Dan/Crawford UST sorta
Rating: PG-13 (language mostly)
Word Count: 1835
Summary: Dan tries to treat Herbert and Crawford to a nice birthday dinner. Hijinks ensue. Was partly inspired by this drawing by
interatrial
A/N: Part of my "Bro-verse"™ AU where Herbert West and Crawford Tillinghast are twin brothers. Some day I will write out the fic where the circumstances of their births and when Dan finds out are explained.
Bro'verse Master Post: HERE
Herbert frowned at the brightly-colored package set in front of him. "What's this?"
"It's a present."
Herbert scowled at Dan. "I know. But why?"
"It is your birthday today, you know."
"Is it?" Herbert took another drink of coffee and went back to going over his notes.
Dan sighed. "Same day as every year. Aren't you going to open it?"
Herbert set his notes aside and grabbed the box. He shook it a little. "What is it?"
"I don't tell you, you open it to find out."
If it was anything like the birthday and Christmas gifts from Dan in the past, it was probably not even worth the effort of tearing through Dan's shoddy wrapping job. But Dan was just as desperate to continue going through the motions of traditional life as Herbert was to avoiding it. If Herbert didn't open it now, Dan would bother him all day about it. Might as well get it over with.
He tore through the wrapping to discover a plain brown box. "So the mystery continues," Herbert muttered sarcastically to himself. But once he saw what was in the box, he made a small sound of surprise.
Dan grinned. "Thought you'd like that."
"It is refreshingly practical and unsentimental..." It was a set of new cleaning equipment for the lab, brushes for the test tubes and beakers, cleaning solutions, cloths, and sponges. Herbert had been needing some new ones, but would forget or just not have the time.
"I could argue that knowing you don't like sentimental, that in making sure it was practical, was sentimental anyway."
Herbert put the supplies back in the box, amazed at how quickly Dan could make him more fond of him, but then immediately make him remember how irritating he could be. "Yes, well, thank you. Happy birthday to me." He slid the open box to the side and went back to his notes, calling an end to the "festivities."
Dan shifted awkwardly in his chair. "Actually..."
"Now what?"
"I was thinking maybe dinner tonight, you choose the place?"
Herbert stared at him, eyes round. "We don't do... Dinner."
"Yeah, I know, but it's your birthday and it wouldn't be like that. I was going to invite Crawford, too."
"What!? Why?"
"It is his birthday, too."
"Definitely 'no' on the dinner then."
"Oh come on, he's your brother; your twin."
"And I don't understand why you seem to think that just because we happened to share a womb at the same time means I have to acknowledge his continued existence."
Dan nodded. "Okay, fine. If your idea of a good birthday is being cranky and playing in the basement by yourself, go ahead. I'll go call a certain someone who will actually appreciate having a friend wanting to celebrate his birthday."
As Dan stormed out of the kitchen, Herbert shouted anxiously after him, "Don't go home with him!"
Crawford, unsurprisingly, was far more amenable about being treated to a birthday dinner. When Dan discovered his roommate had a brother, he was shocked, even more so to find out it was a twin brother. Dan had horrible visions of there being two Herbert Wests in the world. But upon first meeting Crawford, those fears were assuaged. Despite having the same features, down to the mole above the right corner of his mouth, Crawford's expression was far more open and softer than his brother's. Dan knew he wouldn't have any trouble telling them apart.
Crawford was already waiting at the Italian restaurant they had chosen. He was fiddling with his silverware, but broke in a grin when he saw Dan enter. "Hey," he greeted.
"Hey," Dan returned, sitting down. "Sorry that Herbert couldn't come."
"You mean refused to come."
"Well-"
"You don't have to apologize for him, you know. I'm used to it."
"Makes me wonder why you bother."
Crawford shrugged. "Family's family, what's your excuse?"
Dan flushed and turned away from Crawford's knowing gaze, pretending to be looking for a waiter. "Can't we get some service around here?"
Once dinner was ordered and wine was served (Dan was suddenly in the mood for a lot of red wine), they talked, keeping away from unpleasant subjects, like Herbert. This eventually led to Crawford talking about his work. Although they ended up in different scientific fields, it was evident that Crawford and Herbert shared the same level of intelligence, and even the tendency to latch on to rather unorthodox theories and practices. On more than one occasion Crawford had tried to recruit Herbert and Dan in to helping him with his experiments involving the pineal gland and the theory of parallel universes.
"What the hell does a physicist know about the pineal gland?" Herbert had spat.
"I think that's why he wants the help of medical doctors."
"He's insane. I don't want you talking to him."
That Dan decided to pursue a friendship with Crawford was one part contrariness, another part the hope that maybe having Crawford around could be a positive influence on Herbert, and third part just that well, Dan liked him. He was a little cracked, but at least he was nice.
"Actually," Crawford was saying, "I've met someone who's interested in my research, has been working on something similar himself. He says he can help fund and even provide facilities."
"That's great! Who-"
A shadow fell across the table, and Dan looked up expecting to see their waiter readying to top off their glasses, but to his shock it was Herbert. "What are you doing here?"
Herbert smiled his tight, insincere smile, and grabbed an empty chair from another table. "Making sure you heed my advice."
"What?" Then Dan remembered Herbert shouting at him this morning. "Oh." Not that he was planning on it. Although sometimes he thought he might try hitting on Crawford just to spite Herbert. "How did you even find us?"
"I listened in on your phone conversation. Hello, Crawford. Here, I made you something." He plopped a hastily wrapped box on the center of the table. "Don't open it here."
That had Dan worried. He knew too well the sort of things Herbert "made." And the gift was the right size to contain something like a small pet formed from fingers. Was it just his imagination or did the box shift a little? "What is it?" Dan asked.
"You don't ask that, Dan! It's all about the surprise, right?"
Now Dan was really worried. He was going to suggest that Crawford just toss it in an incinerator and never look back. But Crawford looked so damned happy that Herbert even bothered with a present at all.
"I got you something, too. Thought I'd have to give to Dan to give to you, but..." Crawford reached into his pocket and pulled out a small jewelry box.
Herbert took it and frowned at it suspiciously. "If it's friendship bracelets, I'll kill you." He opened the lid. Inside was a gold tie clip. Engraved on it was the Rod of Asclepius.
"Don't you like it?" Crawford asked nervously.
"I don't wear tie clips."
"You're wearing this one," Dan commanded. He plucked the little gold bar from its box and reached over. He pulled open Herbert's jacket and clipped it in place.
Herbert gaped at him. "Did you just forcibly accessorize me?"
Across from them, Crawford giggled.
"Are you ordering, sir?" All three jumped at the waiter's return; sort of having forgotten they were in a restaurant.
Herbert waved him away. "I'm not hungry."
"If you're not eating, sir-"
"I'll just take from whatever Dan ordered."
"I'm afraid, sir, that sharing is against policy."
"Fine! I'll leave!" He stood.
Dan grabbed his wrist and pulled him back down. "You're here now. I wanted to buy you dinner tonight in the first place."
Herbert looked at the waiter. "In that case, just give me whatever is most expensive."
"Herbert..."
"Crawford..."
"Guys!" Dan silenced the two and told the waiter to get Herbert the same thing Crawford had ordered. Herbert protested at first, but discovered that taste in food was in fact one of their similarities. After the waiter left again, Dan took his full wine glass and drank it in one go.
"Yes, it appears just as well that I'm staying," Herbert said.
"What do you mean?" Dan asked, grimacing as the warm, heavy wine went down.
"Because you'd get drunk, or try to get him drunk, or you'd both get drunk and 'accidentally' end up in bed together."
"You are so delusional! Why can't you believe I can go out to dinner with someone without the ulterior motive of sex?"
"Because I know you!"
"Herbert!" To their surprise it was Crawford who had taken the aggressive, admonishing tone. He had stood, too, glaring at his brother. "Come with me."
"No! Where?" Crawford hauled him up by his arm and pulled him away from the table. "Hey! Stop it! People are staring!"
Crawford led him to the men's room. Thankfully, it was one with a lockable door; a door Herbert found himself shoved against by his usually mild-mannered twin. "Why can't you be nice?" Crawford hissed.
"Why are you too nice?"
"Dammit, I'm not going to sleep with him!"
Herbert's eyes narrowed. "Oh? Why not?"
"Because I'm not particularly interested in sleeping with a guy who only wants to sleep with me because he can pretend I'm you."
His eyes narrowed further. "Don't be ridiculous. Dan doesn't want to have sex with me. He would have said something by now."
"He hasn't said anything because you treat him badly."
"I do not."
"Although why he hasn't seen your jealous snits for what they are..."
The argument was cut off but a high-pitched scream from the dining room. Someone was pounding on the bathroom door immediately after. "Dammit, Herbert, it escaped!"
"What did?" He asked, unlocking the door and opening it to find a very upset Dan.
"What do you think? Crawford's birthday 'present!'"
Herbert's eyes widened. "Oh. The sedative must've worn off."
Dan trudged into their house, Herbert right behind him. "I don't know what all the screaming was about. It was perfectly harmless."
"It was grotesque!"
"I thought the chef was a little overzealous with the butcher's knife, all the same. Did you see Crawford's face? I think he was heart-broken to have his gift destroyed."
"I think he was nauseous."
"I could make him another one."
"Please, please don't." Dan threw himself on the sofa and buried his head in his hands.
Herbert shrugged. "I suppose it's the thought that counts. Isn't that what people say?" He took off his new tie clip and tossed it in the bowl of loose change they kept on the coffee table. He sat next to Dan in silence for a few minutes.
"Crawford told me he won't sleep with you."
"Aaaaargh, Herbert!" Dan flung his hands away from his face. "How can you possibly still be on that?"
"Just thought you should know so you can stop trying."
"I'm not... You know what? I'm going to bed, quite happily, alone."
Herbert watched Dan storm up the stairs and smirked. He hummed "Happy Birthday" to himself as he made his way back down to the cellar.