[oneshot ; Jaeho]
Holy ground, sacred words
an angel babe covered in scars
Love is supposed to be a wonderful thing isn’t it? It’s supposed to lift you up when you’re down, the one thing that’s always surging you forward when there’s nothing else left. Fairy tales tell of a love that conquers all evil; this knight and shining armor coming to save you from your evil captors. Movies tell of a love that even when it breaks, they always come back to you in the end. No matter what they did, no matter what you did, they always come back to you.
Music tells of various loves, the kind that’s sweet and fluffy, the all consuming kind, the wonderful timeless kind. My love was an all consuming kind. No matter how much I tried to take myself out of the situation, I kept getting pulled right back in.
I can’t breathe, can’t eat, and can’t sleep without him because every breath I took, I just took more of him in. Every time I opened my mouth to eat, all I wanted was him. All my dreams were haunted by him. He was an all consuming entity in my life and I was embracing him whole heartedly.
I looked out the window and the midnight sky was beautiful, darkness filled with tiny stars lighting it up. The city lights sparkled at me mockingly and I closed my eyes cause if I kept them closed long enough, he would be there calling for me lovingly. A rustling behind me had my eyes going to the other figure in the room.
His hair was splayed out on the pillow, pale against dark. The pale light from the moon danced off of him and he looked so beautiful, so utterly breathless all I could do was stare at him because I was afraid I would taint such beauty.
Kim JaeJoong. A name, a simple name that had so much meaning to it. Gods of the east, brother, singer, lover. All of those words meshed in to one name. A name that countless people screamed at their concerts. A name that had me breathless and on my knees in seconds because there wasn’t a single thing I wouldn’t do for him.
Jung Yunho. I wondered if my name had such an impact on him. Did his heart stop at my voice? Did his hands tremble when they reached for me? Did he hurt as much as I did because I couldn’t hold him as I wanted to in public?
blood red lips, fading disguise
you're my favorite, drowning in your lies
It started when we were both young. So young and so full of life and dreams that seemed so out of reach but they knew they could reach it because they didn’t have anything else. In the dark of the night with soft moans ringing in the air, it was easy to pretend that the other was a girl, that it wasn’t a boy they were touching. It was so easy to pretend.
But then time passed and they got older, and as they got older, other girls came along, girls that had JaeJoong’s attention swaying from me to them. I had my own girlfriends too but I found myself always going back to him. He was the name on the tip of my tongue whenever I came. His touch was the touch I yearned for because my own, my own girlfriends touch just wasn’t enough.
Obsessed. That’s what Changmin called me, he said I was obsessed with you and you were being stupid for taking advantage of it and I was even dumber for letting you. Why was I letting you have your way? Why couldn’t I just walk away from you? I’m a toy to you and I know that. I acknowledge that even, but even if I am a toy, I want to be the only toy that you keep coming back to. That special toy you just can’t ever let go. You don’t have to love me; all you have to do is need me.
Hurt me bad, hurt me good
let my screams be your song
You’re the only one I would ever let do those things to me, you know that don’t you? I thought as I ran my fingers gently through your hair. Unconsciously you let out a small sigh, face nuzzling in to my hand. These were my moments, mine to keep, and mine to remember. The feeling of you inside always has me trembling; even the memory of it now has my breath coming out harsher than it was before.
Bruises on my wrists catch the moonlight and I trace my fingers along them, remembering our earlier encounter. There’s matching bruises on my hips and with every movement, I can feel a slight twinge of pain. I’ve been teasing you all day, little touches here, stolen kisses there, and then there was that improper display of eating a Popsicle. You were watching me so intently; I could feel your eyes boring in to me. When everything we had to do was finally over, we were going back home, and I was massaging you softly, your dick hard in my hands and just as you were about to come I stopped and ironically enough, we arrived.
By the time we got in the apartment you were ready to either strangle me or fuck me. One or the other I predicted and as the others went about to do whatever it was they were going to do, you dragged me in to our room, slamming the door shut, pushing me roughly against it. Your kiss was demanding, shoving your tongue in to my mouth, hands grabbing my wrists, painfully pinning them against the door. You were angry and turned on; teasing you like that all day had you really worked up didn’t it?
My memory is a bit fuzzy after that, I remember you throwing me on the bed and the minute our naked bodies touched, I arched up against you, wanting, no needing more of you. You got the ropes, tying my wrists roughly to the bed post and you decided to give me a dose of my own medicine.
You had me dangling on the edge, one more push and I’d be there but you kept holding me back. I cried out your name, wrapped my legs around your waist, whimpering softly, knowing how weak you got when I got this way. I arched up against you, rubbing our arousals together, letting out a keening cry.
You grabbed my hips harshly, fingers digging in to my skin, bruising. Then you finally pushed in, taking me hard and fast. I said your name like a prayer, over and over again. All consuming you were. Taking everything I had, taking everything I was giving you.
“Say my name” JaeJoong groaned out, hips slapping sharply against mine.
“JaeJoong. JaeJoong. Jae…”
God I love it when you get that way, so rough and possessive, all animal instincts. I should tease you more often.
Innocent smile, fading grace
Show me you're right, everything I am is wrong
You’re so cruel you know that? I know I don’t hide my love for you; I wear my heart on my sleeve when it comes to you and you take that, keep it tightly in your grasp. I want to break free; I want you to let me go so I can have my own family, get a wife that loves me. But the minute I turn my eyes somewhere else, the minute I think I can finally let you go, you come back and show me that I’m yours.
Tainted smile, take everything I am
painted hearts, take everything I can be
make me yours eternally
I could scream my love for you to the world and all you would do is show me that beautifully cold smile of yours. Gently kiss me, take my breath away until I forgot anything I’ve said. I turn back to the window, gently prying it open as the smoke from my lit cigarette filter out. You’re just like this cigarette Jae, bad for me but so addicting you can’t help but want more, need more. God I love you so much, I don’t know what to do with myself.
Shuddering breath, whispered moans
clipped angel, bowing and broken
I know what you do whenever you go out with Yoochun. Whenever the two of you go out drinking, go out to the clubs with girls surrounding you, fawning at you. That one time, when Yoochun called because you two were too drunk to drive, I saw you with her. You had her against the wall, her legs wrapped tightly around your waist, she was moaning so loudly but it was drowned out by the noise in the club. You were thrusting in to her and as you did, your eyes met mine and you got that teasing smile on your lips.
I stood there frozen for god knows how long, just watching you fuck her, watching you watch me. I felt my heart shatter, did you hear it break? Afterwards when I got you two home, you didn’t say a word to me, just gave me a smile, a gentle peck on the lips and went to bed. What was I supposed to say? You weren’t mine to keep, so all I could do was stand there and watch as you crushed my heart in your hands.
gasping breath, blood red thighs
you're my addiction, take me home
A couple days later, I remember going out. Fed up with your teasing ways, so tired of wanting you I went out to a club. So many girls everywhere, all smiling at me coyly, all were brushing up against me, whispering things in my ear only you’ve said. I danced with one, even got as far as kissing her when you showed up. You followed me there, I don’t know why; even to this day I don’t understand why you did. But there you were, fury dancing in your eyes.
I didn’t say a word to you as you angrily drove us somewhere. When we finally arrived at a deserted place, you turned to me, roughly pulling me in for a bruising kiss. You whispered, you’re mine you understand? So angry at me, I didn’t understand it. You’re hands were everywhere and I wanted to pull away but I found myself arching against you, found myself climbing in to your lap, so eager to please, so eager for you.
You weren’t gentle so instead of preparing me, you pushed in roughly. I felt the blood running down my thighs, felt your anger with every thrust. You swallowed up my screams with your lips, bruising, tainting. I was, still am, yours.
tainted smile, take everything I am
painted hearts, take everything I can be
I belong to you eternally
Sometimes I think you love me, maybe you feel the same consuming love I do. If I tell myself you do, it makes the days easier, makes it easier to smile at the camera. How did we let it get this far? How did I let it get this far? Even if I wanted to let you go now, I don’t think I can. In the harsh light of the camera’s, I’m a leader, standing tall and proud for the world to see. Behind closed doors, I’m yours; bound to you by an invisible chain and now, I embrace it wholly. There’s no one else that would bring me to my knees other than you. No one I would get on my knees for, other than you.
You're my sin, my lust, everything I am not
you're my sanctuary, my prayer, the ever present light
make me beg, hear me pray
hold me close, bleed me dry
leave me begging for you to stay
I think you need me, I think maybe you even love me the way I love you. Our love is the kind the world won’t understand, something our band mates, no our brothers won’t understand. This bruising, dangerous love of ours is our secret. You need me to need you the way I need you to hurt me. It’s confusing, you’re confusing, but I think I’m beginning to understand you.
You got jealous didn’t you? Does this mean I can keep you? I sigh as I climb in to bed next to you and can’t help the smile on my lips when you pull me closer, murmuring something I don’t understand. Moments like these make me remember all the reasons why I love you. Even when your smile is cold and your touch is harsh, I still love you. Changmin doesn’t understand, doesn’t like what we’re doing, but I won’t let it go, won’t let you go.
The end.
So yeah… the song I used is mine. I don’t have a title for it yet, and I didn’t get to edit the song before I used it for this but numerous people told me this song would be perfect for a one shot so here it is. I might write another one with this song, I might not. I don’t know if I like this really but I hope you do. Read and review~