(no subject)
Title: 30 minutes - t.A.t.U (songs for my beloved series)
Author: Sexineko
Pairing: Jaeho (seme!jae uke!ho)
Rated: NC-17
Summary: Based on the song by t.A.t.U. Choices and decisions always need to be made. It’s always a decision between the right and wrong.
AN: this didn’t quite turn out like I envisioned it to but I think it’s okay. Grammatical and what not errors in it, all mine, hasn’t been beta’d. So excuse any mistakes. Since I’m not home, Trick will be posted, hopefully by next week. That’s on my home computer so hopefully I’ll have that out soon. In the mean time, enjoy this.
Out of sight, out of mind
Out of time to decide
Fans were screaming, lights flashing everywhere and the music was blasting. The air was thick was anticipation and adoration, surrounding all of them, keeping them in this perfect world. There wasn’t any judgment here, there wasn’t hatred, and all that existed was love and music. The sweat poured down their bodies and their lungs couldn’t seem to get enough air but that was okay, everything was okay because here, none of that matter. At that moment in time, their smiles came easily and naturally. No strain, no nothing, just music.
Their bodies moved to the beats, voices soaring with each note and when it was time for the show to end, their hands were clasped together and a bow was made. It was an amazing feeling, during and after concerts. It was a natural high, exhilarating and addicting. It didn’t matter what the press said about them, didn’t matter any bad news they got or how exhausted they were because the minute they got on stage all that was forgotten.
Music healed, music was what made life easier. When the world was against them, music was what they had left. Music was how they were brought together and it was a piece of the puzzle that kept them together. Alone they were good, but together they were amazing.
Now that the concert was over and they were on their way home, it was hard to ignore the aches. Exhaustion pulled and their bodies demanded rest and for the next thirty minutes, their bodies could rest, at least until they got to their destination.
They never had enough time, always needing more, always wanting more. Time runs out quickly, twenty four hours not nearly enough for what they had to do. Fans, concerts, photo shoots, radio interviews, Japan, and Korea. Never enough time, never enough to give.
Do we run? Should I hide?
For the rest of my life
JaeJoong leaned his forehead against the cool window and wished he could just close his eyes and take a nap like the rest of the members but he knew it wasn’t that easy. There was still one member still awake and he felt their eyes boring in to his head. Ignore him, ignore him.
Even as he chanted that in his head, his eyes raised and met Yunho’s in the window. It was instinct and natural. When their eyes met, he felt that pull in his heart, that shiver that always ran down his spine, making his head spin and breathless. His hand twitched with the need to hold Yunho’s, his body yearned for the feel of Yunho’s and it was all he could do to keep himself from reaching out and doing something incredibly stupid.
Can we fly? Do I stay?
We could lose, we could fail
It’s been so many years since they’ve known each other and in those years, he’s learned the feel of Yunho’s body against his own, what turned him on and what made the composed leader raise his voice just a little higher, let that beautiful scream fill the air making his body tremble with need and his heart tremble with something they didn’t dare voice.
Choices, life was always filled with choices. Decisions that could be life altering or ending. As a group they were strong, unstoppable. They proved they could sing, they proved they could dance, they proved they were stronger than they seemed and all they wanted in return was just a little privacy every now and than but private lives, theirs especially, wasn’t suppose to be private. Privacy was a foreign word the moment you entered the entertainment business.
Girlfriends, lovers, fuck buddies, all being presented to the world to see and judge. They’re lives were public, so very public and yet they had so many secrets, so many things to hide.
In the moment it takes
To make plans or mistakes
Homosexuality was something they all discussed at one point in time. They accepted with ease the pairings, the coupling that was inevitable but it wasn’t always easy to accept. Religious reasons, personal morals, but mostly society. Society dictated what was right and what was wrong and Korean society said homosexuality to be a taboo issue, a sin amongst sins.
So if everyone says it’s wrong, how did everything felt so right with Yunho?
30 minutes, a blink of an eye
30 minutes, to alter our lives
Choices, difficult choices that needed to be made none the less. They both understood what would happen if their relationship, to put it simply, was ever made public. Back up plans were made, fronts to feed to the hungry public.
Girls were mentioned at interviews, seen with them on occasion. Never easy, always hard to watch Yunho smile and kiss some other girl but it was harder to swallow the swell of jealousy that threatened to make itself known destructively.
30 minutes, to make up my mind
30 minutes, to finally decide
They were both some what seeing other girls, pretty long legged Korean girls, all soft and frills but when their eyes met and memories ran through his brain, all he could think about was how soft Yunho’s lips looked.
Alone together at the back of the van, it was harder to look away and remind himself of his pretty girlfriend that was waiting for his call. Wrong, oh so wrong and yet when his thumb gently grazed Yunho’s, he heard Yunho’s sharp intake of breath, felt his own heart beat rise just a little bit.
30 minutes, to whisper your name
30 minutes, to shoulder the blame
“We can’t.” Yunho whispered, eyes pleading.
“I know.”
Even as JaeJoong said that, he let his hand wander up Yunho’s thighs, feeling the muscles contract with his touch.
“Jae…” Yunho pleaded, voice trailing off, hand enclosing around his. Yunho was pleading, always pleading, to stop, to keep going. What to do, what to do…
“Shh…” He whispered. So many words to say, so many things they both needed to discuss but in this moment in time, he didn’t want to talk at all.
30 minutes, of bliss, thirty lies
30 minutes, to finally decide
Yunho’s eyes closed as JaeJoong’s hand massaged him through his pants. JaeJoong let his other hand wander upwards, towards his chest, gently grazing his nipples, feeling those delicious abs Yunho has been working so hard on.
Yunho who was trying so hard to resist, finally gave in. Yunho let his hands wander over, brushing over his thighs, gently lighting the fire, the lust that sparked between them.
Carousels in the sky
that we shape with our eyes
So many times, JaeJoong told himself this thing they had, this fire they kept building should have been put out a long time ago but whenever the moment happened, he found himself unable to listen to his own voice in his head. All he could do was push a little closer, push a little harder.
There was a time when they were younger, still in the stage of not quite there yet and just a little further. Both so young, they often snuck out during the night, going up to the rooftop and gazing at the stars.
The air was always so crisp and refreshing. The night sky beautiful, dark and mysterious, the stars lighting up like millions of little diamonds. They talked quietly about what shapes they saw, the faces in the stars. Their hands always entwined together.
They always said forever, “together forever, right boo?” thinking foolishly in love. Now what seemed like ages later, those days seemed so long ago, those dreams and feelings fleeting, trapped inside both of them, crying out to be free.
Under shade silhouettes
casting shame, crying rain
Shame was always lingering afterwards, mixed with feelings of love and what if’s. There was the betrayal to their girlfriends, the betrayal to their families, and the betrayal to their fans. What if’s went around and around their heads, the what if their fans accepted them, what if their families understood, what if their girlfriends already knew.
So many thoughts, so many consequences, yet there was always one harsh answer.
Can we fly? Do I stay?
We could lose, we could fail
When they arrived at their apartment, they left the van, not glancing at each other, not saying a word, trying not to give away the burning feeling of lust inside both of them. All JaeJoong wanted to do at that moment was throw Yunho against the van doors, using his lips and hands to bring both of them to their knees.
They all piled in to the elevator silently. The rest of them seemed too tired to think, let alone speak. Changmin was leaning against the elevator wall, head tilted back with his eyes closed. Yoochun was leaning heavily against Junsu who was in consequence, was pressed against the wall, both of their eyes closed also. Yunho and JaeJoong’s eyes met in their reflections and knew tonight; they couldn’t just walk away, couldn’t just go to their rooms and sleep because they came a bit too far for that.
The five of them entered quietly, stumbling against each other tiredly. Mumbled good nights were made as everyone made their way towards their rooms, everyone except the two of them.
They quietly entered Yunho’s room, the door closing silently behind them. Yunho leaned against the door; eyes closed and took a deep breath. They both stood there for what seemed like hours, when it was only minutes, just standing, weighing and deciding.
Then Yunho raised his eyes and met his and it was decided. They made their decision.
Either way options change
Chances fail trains derail
He pushed Yunho harshly against the door and their bodies made full contact, lips harsh against his. It wasn’t sweet and loving, it was rough and hard and nothing felt more good, more right.
Yunho’s arms wrapped around his waist, touching everywhere, anything he could. JaeJoong threaded his fingers through Yunho’s hair, his other hand sliding under his shirt, touching muscle and sweat.
They pushed and pulled each other, clothes scattering and bodies colliding. It was heat and lust and so damn right. They toppled on to the bed, Yunho’s legs wrapping around his waist, pulling the him tighter, closer.
JaeJoong hastily prepared Yunho, two fingers quickly entering Yunho, roughly thrusting and stretching the tight entrance. Yunho’s back arched, a soft whimper escaping his throat. Beautiful so beautiful, was all he could think and his heart raced faster and head got cloudier.
“Jae… now” Yunho whispered out, breath harsh and labored.
When he was finally in Yunho, surrounded by him, it was so tight and hot. He stayed that way for a little while, until Yunho starting moving his hips, taking him deeper, making him moan in surprise.
JaeJoong started thrusting deep, hands sliding down Yunho’s thighs, hitching them higher and going deeper. Their hips made a loud slapping noise against each other and the bed creaked along with their movements but none of that matter. All he could feel was Yunho’s lips on his neck, Yunho’s legs wrapped around his hips, rising to meet his own.
Their love making was harsh and rough but their heart beats raced and the love they kept hidden escaped and made its entrance. Their moans got louder with every thrust and it was hard to distinguish one from the other. Their voices mixed and harmonized just like their songs, except this was a different melody, a different dance than what they usually did.
“Ngn… fuck” Yunho muttered and JaeJoong knew was close.
He reached down and roughly jerked him in time with his thrusts. The timing was off but that didn’t seem to matter. Yunho cried out when he found that particular spot and he grinned. He grabbed Yunho’s hips, keeping them in place as he aimed for that spot over and over. Yunho’s thighs quivered and his hands were fisted in the sheets and Yunho cried out every time his hips met that spot and nothing was more beautiful to him, more primal than that image.
Yunho let out a loud moan and as his back arched Yunho released over their chests. He felt the sudden tightness and thrusted deeply one last time and felt himself release inside Yunho. He laid there on top of Yunho, trying to catch his breath. Everything was wonderfully hazy and so beautiful.
Minutes later when their breaths were back to normal and their limbs were wonderfully relaxed, their lips met for a tender kiss. Yunho’s lips were so soft against his own and their tongues entwined and played against the other in a playful dance.
Choices always needed to be made. A final decision that decided which road they would be taking but for now, he was content being undecided. Just being with Yunho made him relaxed and made him remember the good memories they used to have and still did have. New memories that were now made with three other people, brothers, in their lives but what they had with each other may not be forever and it may just be.
A choice would need to be made later on when the time came for marriage and kids and everything else but there was a thrill in not knowing. Didn’t change their love for each other and it didn’t make things any easier but life was hard and reality was harsh but at the end of the day, they still had each other.
And that was all he needed.
The end.
AN: so… yeah. Comment please ;]