(no subject)
((Randomly found in a notebook.))
Do I call him? What would I say? I'm sorry? I love you? Keep living, please, stay alive and find some way to be happy because if you don't I swear I'll fucking haunt you? Goodbye? How the hell can I tell him goodbye? And even if I did figure out how to say whatever I want to say, how the hell would I stop him from trying to get here and stop me?
I just want to hear him, just one more time. Can I be selfish about this and call him? Tell him it's done, it's over, one more little thing and I'll be home? Wanna hear him smile that smile that means I worried him, and it pissed him off, and I'm gonna get it when I come h
Little red light. Means the battery is dead, I think. Probably for the best. She said goodbye. At least the one in the book did. Probably for the best that I don't, then. They're waiting. I should get going. Sanzo was never the patient type, and I don't thing remembering being that pissy secretary helped any, and Hakkai... but he's not Hakkai anymore is he? He's all of them. Like Sanzo is. Like I'm gonna be.
I don't want to do this. Fuck it, I don't care if it makes me a coward, but I'm scared.
This right here? This is the last cigarette I'll ever smoke. There better be good cigarettes in Heaven, or Kanzeon's gonna regret callin' us back. Only the monkey doesn't smoke now. ...I'm stalling. Right. I'm gonna touch your gun, Cherry-chan. It's so small and hard, but I bet if I touch it just right, it'll blow my mind.
...I have to hear him. I have to try.
((To here.))