Its hard knowing you think of yourself as a nothing. I feel like my whole life has been a lie, like if I wasnt trying to hide one thing I was trying to hide another, and it never ends. I was always the person to say "Well, if you really wanted to change you could" because when things came at me in life I always tried to get rid of them and I always ( Read more... )

So its 3:34 am still have not been to bed and I feel like killing myself.I am trying to cry and get it all out but my mother is not helping very much, thank god she atleast let me get on to write. If like there is no way out other than killing myself. Whoa! Have not felt that way since I was in the 4th grade the first time I went to see a someone ( Read more... )

I called my dad up today, we went to the beach and talked.I actually had an okay time, for the first time I felt like he really loved me. That was a nice change but I am still dying inside. My ex-boyfriend Jacob E-mailed my mom asking how I was, but he didnt want her to tell me that he emailed her, but my mom told me any way. I really loved Jacob ( Read more... )

I went out with some friends last night and we had a blast. I swear to you side still hurts from laughing so much! I had a dream that all my friends were at my prom I went to the prom with Chewwe and Sid :|, then Kyle and Vinna were crowed king and queen. Then Sid and I danced the night away, but then I had to take a piss so I went to the bathroom ( Read more... )

I cried for the first time in a long time, I kinda miss it. My whole world is just pushing against this wall, a wall which I offen talk about as a symbol of my being sane and that every bad thing that happens in my life pushes that wall more and more and more until one day its just going to break and do the unthinkable. Im ready though, im ready to ( Read more... )

Well I was so proud of myself today! I got out of the house and actually didnt die, whoa! It has been like over 5 weeks since I really went out, after hurting my foot, the surgery, and just being depressed I just have not wanted to go out. Its been atleast 4 months if not more than I have been to a mall. So this weekend my goal is to go to the mall ( Read more... )

Today was a great day! My friends Chewwe and my ex bf Stevie hooked up. Sorry I have not writen for so long but I have been busy. My dad is not allowed to see me for like 2 weeks. I am back to beign bbbbbbbbbbest friend with Kyle. I have been sleeping pretty good and I am driving down the road to being at peace, hell maybe even happy....WHOA! So im ( Read more... )

Well my dad came to visit last night (oh boy!) he came over to tell me that no matter what you will always be my daughter and that if you ever need anything you know I will be here for you, blah blah blah! I give him some credit for actually coming face to face with me, because he knows im not afraid to say what I feel. My grandma was sick ( Read more... )

Oh joy I woke up to the sounds of "Americas At War". Im not gonna let it get to me cause I really dont need the stress, and thank god none of my family has had to go. Kyle is mad at me again and were not talking. I said some mean shit to his girl friend, which I said I was sorry for. I kinda said that I didnt care if he hated me, but I meant I ( Read more... )

Everything is finally catching up with me, I knew it would but I didnt all want it to happen at once. The stress of everything is just pulling at me. I still cant see the doctor for 2 weeks, but I dont think anything is really wrong. I was suppose to see my grandfather yesterday, but I couldnt face him knowing he is gonna die soon. I just needed a ( Read more... )