N is for Nem (He Was A Good Man)
Title: N is for Nem (He Was A Good Man)
Author: SG_Betty
Word count: 2,409
Genre: Gen, Drama
Rating: PG
Season: Season 1
Spoilers: Spoilers for ‘Fire and Water’-season 1
Disclaimer: While the situations and dialogue in this story are my own, all characters are wholly owned by Gekko Productions and MGM.
Note: Written for the Jack Alpha-Bits Soup , Oct. 27. 2008
Thanks: Great thanks to Lokei for the excellent advice and beta-ing.
The Color Guard folded the flag and held it over the funeral wreath. The wreath that was merely a symbol of Daniel - they couldn’t even bring him home. Jack let the formality of the military funeral wash over him. The respect. The ritual. He understood the reasons for ritual.
Every step precise.
Every motion handed down through time.
Every part a way of holding the pieces together for a while longer.
Daniel died once, when he jumped in front of that staff blast on Abydos. He’d died again on the Nox world, but Jack had died first that time, so he didn’t have to know. It wasn’t supposed to happen again. It was never supposed to happen again. He was supposed to make damn sure of that. He was supposed to keep his team safe.
It was so hard to keep Daniel safe. It wasn’t that Daniel tried to put himself in jeopardy. It just wasn’t something he thought about if someone else was in trouble. It wasn’t even something he thought about if a damn concept that he thought was important was being forgotten.
“Daniel Jackson made this place happen.”
Daniel just walked into things that screamed danger. He was so damned naïve. No. Not naïve. Never naïve. Idealistic. Hopeful. Infuriating.
“As a member of SG-1, he was our voice. Our conscience.”
Daniel had just the right combination of diffidence and arrogance to be tough to read. If you thought of Daniel as incapable, or weak, he would turn it around and nail you to the wall. With prejudice.
“He was a very courageous man.”
No. Not any more. Daniel had been idealistic; he wasn’t now. He had been hopeful; he would never be hopeful again. He had been strong, but he was gone. Dead. No handy sarcophagus. No miracle. Most of these people never knew the man they’d lost. Not really. They could never really know. Carter knew. Teal’c knew.
“He was a good man.”
Nope. Not going to think about that. Not going to think about failing Daniel. Not here. Not now. Not going to think about the screaming and the flames and… No.
“For those of us lucky enough to have known him, he was also a friend.”
Jack held out his arms for the flag, carefully folded to a crisp perfect triangle, handled with reverence. The symbol of sacrifice. The symbol of the respect they owed Daniel. The symbol of their loss. The Flag Bearer laid it in his hands. Ritual. She moved his hands to his chest, so that the flag rested next to his heart.
________________________________________________________________________
Jack stared across the room, unseeing, unfocused. He should retire. He’d done a crappy job of leading his team. One minute Daniel was fine, and the next… He hadn’t seen it coming. No intuition. No sense of danger. Not even a last minute grab to pull Daniel out of harm’s way. He couldn’t even reconstruct how Daniel got into trouble. Had fire just erupted where he was standing? Had it been pure bad luck? Why couldn’t he recall? There were pieces missing.
When he tried to think back, there was fire. Just fire. And Daniel burning alive in front of them. Screaming. ‘Colonel, help me’. The fire came toward them. They ran for the water. And Daniel was gone, consumed by the flames as though he had never been there at all.
No. Not going to think about that. Go get coffee. Coffee… No. Not coffee. Don’t want to think about coffee. Coffee is… No thinking.
Colonel? That was wrong. Daniel never called him Colonel. But he remembered… That’s what he told Hammond, but… No. That’s not... ‘Jack. Jack, help. Help’. Yes. That was what he said. There was fire and… bubbles. Bubbles? What the hell?
Jack’s hands shook as rage swept through him. What was wrong with him? Yeah, he was angry that they’d left Daniel behind, but… No. Not behind. There was no body to bring home. Fire. Daniel was engulfed in fire. Burnt completely. Screaming. The heat. ‘Jack, help’. He didn’t get left behind. It was just… It didn’t seem real. It didn’t seem like Daniel was really dead. Frazier would probably have something to say about that. Daniel was dead. They all saw him die. They couldn’t all be wrong. Bubbles?
Enough. Not wanting it to be true wouldn’t make it any less real. It was real. The fire. The heat. So, why… No. He was losing it.
Time to meet Teal’c and Carter at the apartment. They owed it to Daniel to pack up his things themselves. Strangers shouldn’t do that. Strangers wouldn’t know who Daniel was. What was important. They had to keep things right for when Daniel… God damn it!
Jack pushed himself up from the sofa and grabbed his keys from the end table. The rage had ebbed, replaced by a numb exhaustion. Don’t think. Go meet Carter and Teal’c. Don’t make them do this alone.
He should retire. He felt old. Just this one thing, this one last thing that he never imagined having to do, and Hammond would let him retire. It was time.
______________________________________________________________________
Jack watched Daniel shoveling Commissary meatloaf into his mouth like it was the best thing he’d ever tasted. Apparently Nem had been a bit lax when it came to providing acceptable food for his involuntary ‘guest’. Or maybe Daniel just hadn’t felt all that much like eating.
Daniel had gone straight from the gateroom to an empty bunk, arguing with Frazier the entire way, and stayed there for 12 hours. He’d managed to convince the doctor that while he was currently fine, he wouldn’t stay that way if he didn’t get some real sleep for the first time in days. That was pretty impressive. He probably got away with it because Frazier was as glad to see him as the team was. Jack didn’t think he’d have been able to finagle his way out of a stay in the infirmary.
Daniel promised to let her test him like crazy after he slept, and she had. She was still concerned about what Nem’s memory sucking device might have done to his brain, but it looked like he was fine, except for a headache and some serious food issues.
After the tests, there had been a debriefing with Hammond, who was clearly tickled pink to see the archeologist in one piece. Everybody was. Hell, every Airman in the commissary was watching Daniel eat meatloaf.
He glanced over at Carter and Teal’c. Teal’c looked about as satisfied as Jack had ever seen him, and Carter had a goofy grin plastered on her face that had been there so long, it must be starting to hurt. Jack figured he looked pretty much like them, but had the advantage of not being able to see himself. Their eyes were glued on Daniel, who suddenly became aware of the scrutiny. Up to that point, he had only had eyes for his plate.
Daniel paused, fork halfway to his mouth, and looked around the table at the eyes fixed on him. “Uh… guys? You’re kind of freaking me out.”
Jack grinned. “Us? What about them?” He waved a hand at the surrounding audience.
Daniel raised his eyes further from his plate and took in the Airmen at the surrounding tables. All facing him. All watching him eat. And smiling in almost perfect unison when they saw him look up. Daniel’s eyes widened. “Okaaay… That’s unnerving.” He laid the fork on his plate.
Carter reached across the table and laid a hand on his arm. “Daniel, everyone thought you were dead. They were at your Memorial. They mourned you.”
Daniel had a look of mild surprise on his face that would have made Jack want to smack him if he hadn’t been so damned glad that Daniel was sitting in front of him, being totally dense for such a smart guy. “Daniel. You’re surprised that people cared that you died?” He heard the heavy sarcasm in his voice and winced inwardly. That wasn’t where he wanted to go, not right now, but sometimes Daniel really got his goat.
“No! I mean, I thought… Well, you guys, I guess, and maybe a few people that I’ve worked with, but not…” He ducked his head and waved a hand toward the full room.
Teal’c tilted his head and regarded the archeologist. “Daniel Jackson, all those in this place know that it was you who opened the gate. It is without question that they would mourn your loss.”
“Oh. The gate. Okay. That makes sense.” Daniel nodded and picked up his fork again and returned to eating. Now Jack wanted to smack him and Teal’c both. Of course, Teal’c might not realize just how dense Daniel could be. Or maybe he did. Maybe he was just trying to make Daniel feel more at ease - he was clearly more comfortable with the idea that these folks cared more about losing ‘the man who opened the gate’ than Daniel Jackson, mostly mild mannered archeologist.
Carter leaned forward again. “Daniel. I’m sorry we left you. We would never have left if we’d known.”
Daniel’s eyebrows arched high over his glasses. “I know that, Sam! Nem made you think I was dead. It wasn’t your fault. At first, I didn’t know you’d gone, so I didn’t feel left behind at all. A little... concerned... Things were kind of tense there for a while. Mostly, I was worried that I seemed to be alone. I didn’t know what Nem had done to you - I knew you wouldn’t just leave. If Nem hadn’t taken you, then… I thought he might have…” Daniel stared down at the now cold mashed potatoes and congealed gravy. “Eventually, he told me that he’d made you think I was dead, and that you’d left. I was relieved. Really relieved…” He pulled his attention back to Sam with a quick smile. “I’m just glad you figured it out and came back.” Daniel laid down his fork and pushed the tray forward. “So, how did you figure it out?”
“Bubbles.” Jack’s eyes tightened as Nem’s implanted vision flashed through his mind again. Frazier thought that would stop after their brains processed the dichotomy of burning Daniel versus real-right here-Daniel. “On some level we remembered Nem’s little hideout. And the bubbles. There was kind of a collision of memories going on. We realized that it was happening to all of us while we were packing up your stuff, and knew something was up.” Jack raised a hand as Daniel opened his mouth to speak. “We didn’t get very far. All your stuff is still there.”
A look of relief flashed across Daniel’s face.
“But Carter read your diary. Aloud.”
Daniel’s eyes slid sideways to Carter.
“Sir!” Carter’s face flushed. “Only a couple of lines, Daniel. I didn’t think it… We thought you were dead.”
Jack grinned at Daniel, who was frowning at Carter and fidgeting. “I made her stop.” The grin fell from his face. “It was a good thing, actually. That was when I realized that I didn’t really think you were dead, even though I remembered you burning.”
“Burning?”
They hadn’t told Daniel the details of Nem’s vision. He hadn’t meant for that to slip out. He didn’t want to talk about that. He didn’t want to see that in his head any more than he had to. He didn’t want to see the expression on Daniel’s face when he realized that they’d spent the last few days remembering him being burnt alive in front of them, with all the details that went with that.
Jack pushed back his chair. “I’m getting us coffee. Teal’c, Carter, you fill him in.” He took his time with the coffee, three cups that he placed carefully on the tray before getting a hot apple cider for Teal’c. He looked back at the table. Carter’s head was down, her arms stretched out on the table toward Daniel who was holding her hands. Teal’c was leaning toward them, all their heads close together. Jack damned himself for a coward and picked up the tray.
Carter had composed herself by the time that he got back to the table, but her eyes were red. Daniel had serious frown going on, and Teal’c was talking about Nem.
“This being’s desire to save his mate was admirable, but I cannot forgive his torture of Daniel Jackson, or the images which he chose to place in our minds.”
Daniel shook his head. “He didn’t want to use the device, Teal’c. I insisted.”
Jack put a cup of coffee in front of him. Daniel grabbed it with both hands, and a smile. Deprive Daniel of coffee for the better part of the week, then give him some, and he’ll act like you gave him the world. “It was your only way out of there. That’s not a real choice, anymore than paying blackmail is a choice.” He passed out the rest of the cups and sat down.
Daniel looked at his cup, avoiding Jack’s eyes. “I was… worried. Nem spent 4000 years looking for Omaroca, and he wasn’t going to let me go until he got the information he wanted. It was a way out, maybe the only way. It was worth the risk. He just wanted to save his mate.”
“Oh, c’mon Daniel! I know you and Fishface have some common ground, but you can’t excuse what he did. Would you kidnap an innocent person and scramble their brains to get Sha’re back?”
There was silence for a long moment. Daniel raised his eyes to meet Jack’s. “No. But I’d want to.”
“But you wouldn’t, and that’s the difference. Drink your coffee.”
Daniel was a damn good man - and he was safe. Jack leaned back and watched Daniel inhale the aroma rising from his cup. That coffee wasn’t as good as Daniel was making it look, not by a long shot. There he was, making it look like the world’s most perfect cup of coffee. To Daniel, coffee meant home. He was full, rested, and as the Commissary cleared out, relaxed. Happy Daniel.
Jack looked over at the rest of his team. Carter was laughing about something, probably Daniel and his coffee. He looked way too blissful. Teal’c had that amused look in his eye.
Jack grinned. Happy team. They were all home. They were all safe. This was how it was supposed to be.
Author: SG_Betty
Word count: 2,409
Genre: Gen, Drama
Rating: PG
Season: Season 1
Spoilers: Spoilers for ‘Fire and Water’-season 1
Disclaimer: While the situations and dialogue in this story are my own, all characters are wholly owned by Gekko Productions and MGM.
Note: Written for the Jack Alpha-Bits Soup , Oct. 27. 2008
Thanks: Great thanks to Lokei for the excellent advice and beta-ing.
The Color Guard folded the flag and held it over the funeral wreath. The wreath that was merely a symbol of Daniel - they couldn’t even bring him home. Jack let the formality of the military funeral wash over him. The respect. The ritual. He understood the reasons for ritual.
Every step precise.
Every motion handed down through time.
Every part a way of holding the pieces together for a while longer.
Daniel died once, when he jumped in front of that staff blast on Abydos. He’d died again on the Nox world, but Jack had died first that time, so he didn’t have to know. It wasn’t supposed to happen again. It was never supposed to happen again. He was supposed to make damn sure of that. He was supposed to keep his team safe.
It was so hard to keep Daniel safe. It wasn’t that Daniel tried to put himself in jeopardy. It just wasn’t something he thought about if someone else was in trouble. It wasn’t even something he thought about if a damn concept that he thought was important was being forgotten.
“Daniel Jackson made this place happen.”
Daniel just walked into things that screamed danger. He was so damned naïve. No. Not naïve. Never naïve. Idealistic. Hopeful. Infuriating.
“As a member of SG-1, he was our voice. Our conscience.”
Daniel had just the right combination of diffidence and arrogance to be tough to read. If you thought of Daniel as incapable, or weak, he would turn it around and nail you to the wall. With prejudice.
“He was a very courageous man.”
No. Not any more. Daniel had been idealistic; he wasn’t now. He had been hopeful; he would never be hopeful again. He had been strong, but he was gone. Dead. No handy sarcophagus. No miracle. Most of these people never knew the man they’d lost. Not really. They could never really know. Carter knew. Teal’c knew.
“He was a good man.”
Nope. Not going to think about that. Not going to think about failing Daniel. Not here. Not now. Not going to think about the screaming and the flames and… No.
“For those of us lucky enough to have known him, he was also a friend.”
Jack held out his arms for the flag, carefully folded to a crisp perfect triangle, handled with reverence. The symbol of sacrifice. The symbol of the respect they owed Daniel. The symbol of their loss. The Flag Bearer laid it in his hands. Ritual. She moved his hands to his chest, so that the flag rested next to his heart.
________________________________________________________________________
Jack stared across the room, unseeing, unfocused. He should retire. He’d done a crappy job of leading his team. One minute Daniel was fine, and the next… He hadn’t seen it coming. No intuition. No sense of danger. Not even a last minute grab to pull Daniel out of harm’s way. He couldn’t even reconstruct how Daniel got into trouble. Had fire just erupted where he was standing? Had it been pure bad luck? Why couldn’t he recall? There were pieces missing.
When he tried to think back, there was fire. Just fire. And Daniel burning alive in front of them. Screaming. ‘Colonel, help me’. The fire came toward them. They ran for the water. And Daniel was gone, consumed by the flames as though he had never been there at all.
No. Not going to think about that. Go get coffee. Coffee… No. Not coffee. Don’t want to think about coffee. Coffee is… No thinking.
Colonel? That was wrong. Daniel never called him Colonel. But he remembered… That’s what he told Hammond, but… No. That’s not... ‘Jack. Jack, help. Help’. Yes. That was what he said. There was fire and… bubbles. Bubbles? What the hell?
Jack’s hands shook as rage swept through him. What was wrong with him? Yeah, he was angry that they’d left Daniel behind, but… No. Not behind. There was no body to bring home. Fire. Daniel was engulfed in fire. Burnt completely. Screaming. The heat. ‘Jack, help’. He didn’t get left behind. It was just… It didn’t seem real. It didn’t seem like Daniel was really dead. Frazier would probably have something to say about that. Daniel was dead. They all saw him die. They couldn’t all be wrong. Bubbles?
Enough. Not wanting it to be true wouldn’t make it any less real. It was real. The fire. The heat. So, why… No. He was losing it.
Time to meet Teal’c and Carter at the apartment. They owed it to Daniel to pack up his things themselves. Strangers shouldn’t do that. Strangers wouldn’t know who Daniel was. What was important. They had to keep things right for when Daniel… God damn it!
Jack pushed himself up from the sofa and grabbed his keys from the end table. The rage had ebbed, replaced by a numb exhaustion. Don’t think. Go meet Carter and Teal’c. Don’t make them do this alone.
He should retire. He felt old. Just this one thing, this one last thing that he never imagined having to do, and Hammond would let him retire. It was time.
______________________________________________________________________
Jack watched Daniel shoveling Commissary meatloaf into his mouth like it was the best thing he’d ever tasted. Apparently Nem had been a bit lax when it came to providing acceptable food for his involuntary ‘guest’. Or maybe Daniel just hadn’t felt all that much like eating.
Daniel had gone straight from the gateroom to an empty bunk, arguing with Frazier the entire way, and stayed there for 12 hours. He’d managed to convince the doctor that while he was currently fine, he wouldn’t stay that way if he didn’t get some real sleep for the first time in days. That was pretty impressive. He probably got away with it because Frazier was as glad to see him as the team was. Jack didn’t think he’d have been able to finagle his way out of a stay in the infirmary.
Daniel promised to let her test him like crazy after he slept, and she had. She was still concerned about what Nem’s memory sucking device might have done to his brain, but it looked like he was fine, except for a headache and some serious food issues.
After the tests, there had been a debriefing with Hammond, who was clearly tickled pink to see the archeologist in one piece. Everybody was. Hell, every Airman in the commissary was watching Daniel eat meatloaf.
He glanced over at Carter and Teal’c. Teal’c looked about as satisfied as Jack had ever seen him, and Carter had a goofy grin plastered on her face that had been there so long, it must be starting to hurt. Jack figured he looked pretty much like them, but had the advantage of not being able to see himself. Their eyes were glued on Daniel, who suddenly became aware of the scrutiny. Up to that point, he had only had eyes for his plate.
Daniel paused, fork halfway to his mouth, and looked around the table at the eyes fixed on him. “Uh… guys? You’re kind of freaking me out.”
Jack grinned. “Us? What about them?” He waved a hand at the surrounding audience.
Daniel raised his eyes further from his plate and took in the Airmen at the surrounding tables. All facing him. All watching him eat. And smiling in almost perfect unison when they saw him look up. Daniel’s eyes widened. “Okaaay… That’s unnerving.” He laid the fork on his plate.
Carter reached across the table and laid a hand on his arm. “Daniel, everyone thought you were dead. They were at your Memorial. They mourned you.”
Daniel had a look of mild surprise on his face that would have made Jack want to smack him if he hadn’t been so damned glad that Daniel was sitting in front of him, being totally dense for such a smart guy. “Daniel. You’re surprised that people cared that you died?” He heard the heavy sarcasm in his voice and winced inwardly. That wasn’t where he wanted to go, not right now, but sometimes Daniel really got his goat.
“No! I mean, I thought… Well, you guys, I guess, and maybe a few people that I’ve worked with, but not…” He ducked his head and waved a hand toward the full room.
Teal’c tilted his head and regarded the archeologist. “Daniel Jackson, all those in this place know that it was you who opened the gate. It is without question that they would mourn your loss.”
“Oh. The gate. Okay. That makes sense.” Daniel nodded and picked up his fork again and returned to eating. Now Jack wanted to smack him and Teal’c both. Of course, Teal’c might not realize just how dense Daniel could be. Or maybe he did. Maybe he was just trying to make Daniel feel more at ease - he was clearly more comfortable with the idea that these folks cared more about losing ‘the man who opened the gate’ than Daniel Jackson, mostly mild mannered archeologist.
Carter leaned forward again. “Daniel. I’m sorry we left you. We would never have left if we’d known.”
Daniel’s eyebrows arched high over his glasses. “I know that, Sam! Nem made you think I was dead. It wasn’t your fault. At first, I didn’t know you’d gone, so I didn’t feel left behind at all. A little... concerned... Things were kind of tense there for a while. Mostly, I was worried that I seemed to be alone. I didn’t know what Nem had done to you - I knew you wouldn’t just leave. If Nem hadn’t taken you, then… I thought he might have…” Daniel stared down at the now cold mashed potatoes and congealed gravy. “Eventually, he told me that he’d made you think I was dead, and that you’d left. I was relieved. Really relieved…” He pulled his attention back to Sam with a quick smile. “I’m just glad you figured it out and came back.” Daniel laid down his fork and pushed the tray forward. “So, how did you figure it out?”
“Bubbles.” Jack’s eyes tightened as Nem’s implanted vision flashed through his mind again. Frazier thought that would stop after their brains processed the dichotomy of burning Daniel versus real-right here-Daniel. “On some level we remembered Nem’s little hideout. And the bubbles. There was kind of a collision of memories going on. We realized that it was happening to all of us while we were packing up your stuff, and knew something was up.” Jack raised a hand as Daniel opened his mouth to speak. “We didn’t get very far. All your stuff is still there.”
A look of relief flashed across Daniel’s face.
“But Carter read your diary. Aloud.”
Daniel’s eyes slid sideways to Carter.
“Sir!” Carter’s face flushed. “Only a couple of lines, Daniel. I didn’t think it… We thought you were dead.”
Jack grinned at Daniel, who was frowning at Carter and fidgeting. “I made her stop.” The grin fell from his face. “It was a good thing, actually. That was when I realized that I didn’t really think you were dead, even though I remembered you burning.”
“Burning?”
They hadn’t told Daniel the details of Nem’s vision. He hadn’t meant for that to slip out. He didn’t want to talk about that. He didn’t want to see that in his head any more than he had to. He didn’t want to see the expression on Daniel’s face when he realized that they’d spent the last few days remembering him being burnt alive in front of them, with all the details that went with that.
Jack pushed back his chair. “I’m getting us coffee. Teal’c, Carter, you fill him in.” He took his time with the coffee, three cups that he placed carefully on the tray before getting a hot apple cider for Teal’c. He looked back at the table. Carter’s head was down, her arms stretched out on the table toward Daniel who was holding her hands. Teal’c was leaning toward them, all their heads close together. Jack damned himself for a coward and picked up the tray.
Carter had composed herself by the time that he got back to the table, but her eyes were red. Daniel had serious frown going on, and Teal’c was talking about Nem.
“This being’s desire to save his mate was admirable, but I cannot forgive his torture of Daniel Jackson, or the images which he chose to place in our minds.”
Daniel shook his head. “He didn’t want to use the device, Teal’c. I insisted.”
Jack put a cup of coffee in front of him. Daniel grabbed it with both hands, and a smile. Deprive Daniel of coffee for the better part of the week, then give him some, and he’ll act like you gave him the world. “It was your only way out of there. That’s not a real choice, anymore than paying blackmail is a choice.” He passed out the rest of the cups and sat down.
Daniel looked at his cup, avoiding Jack’s eyes. “I was… worried. Nem spent 4000 years looking for Omaroca, and he wasn’t going to let me go until he got the information he wanted. It was a way out, maybe the only way. It was worth the risk. He just wanted to save his mate.”
“Oh, c’mon Daniel! I know you and Fishface have some common ground, but you can’t excuse what he did. Would you kidnap an innocent person and scramble their brains to get Sha’re back?”
There was silence for a long moment. Daniel raised his eyes to meet Jack’s. “No. But I’d want to.”
“But you wouldn’t, and that’s the difference. Drink your coffee.”
Daniel was a damn good man - and he was safe. Jack leaned back and watched Daniel inhale the aroma rising from his cup. That coffee wasn’t as good as Daniel was making it look, not by a long shot. There he was, making it look like the world’s most perfect cup of coffee. To Daniel, coffee meant home. He was full, rested, and as the Commissary cleared out, relaxed. Happy Daniel.
Jack looked over at the rest of his team. Carter was laughing about something, probably Daniel and his coffee. He looked way too blissful. Teal’c had that amused look in his eye.
Jack grinned. Happy team. They were all home. They were all safe. This was how it was supposed to be.