Fic: Silence Speaks Louder Than Words (McKay/Sheppard, R)
Title: Silence Speaks Louder Than Words
Author: mdime02
Recipient: kisahawklin
Pairing: McKay/Sheppard
Rating: R
Disclaimer: Not mine, or they'd still be on the air.
Summary: Ever since the incident a few months earlier on P6J-497, Dr. Lewis had, understandably, a bit of a crush on McKay...John had generally let her subtle flirting and the way it flustered Rodney pass without comment.
He hadn't seen it coming. Or at least, he hadn't taken what he had seen seriously. God, he and Rodney had teased each other about it - joked about it - and now...
John backed away carefully, letting the doors to Rodney's quarters whisper shut before he closed his eyes and took a deep, steadying breath. He opened his eyes on the exhale, turned on his heel, and went back to work.
*****
Four hours later, John had conned Teyla into an evening practice session with the promise of Torren-sitting; they were panting for breath, muscles straining and bantos rods locked together, when Rodney entered the training room, watching for a moment before greeting them both and asking, "Time out?"
John's shoulders tensed further, and Teyla used his momentary distraction to drop low and sweep his feet out from under him, sending John off-balance and landing him on his ass. Of course, that was hardly the first time she had pulled such a stunt and John managed to twist away from her sticks before she could either whap him soundly or pin him down.
She gave him a smile and a quick nod of approval before turning. "Yes, Rodney?"
"Could I steal the Colonel for a moment?"
"Actually," John said, "we're in the middle of -"
"Of course you may," Teyla interrupted as she gathered her things. "I believe that is enough for tonight, Colonel. Rodney. I'll see you both for breakfast?"
Waiting only for a brief affirmative from both men, she said, "Goodnight, then," and left the room.
John used Teyla's departure as an excuse to turn away from Rodney and pack his own things. "You need something?" he asked over his shoulder.
"Yes. Um. There seems to be a malfunction with your door, it -" Rodney paused as several Marines entered the room, laughing. He waited as they greeted Colonel Sheppard and himself, then pitched his voice low, saying, "It didn't recognize me."
John shrugged. "Not a malfunction."
Rodney's brow creased in confusion. "Well of course it is. I just need you to reauthorize me so we can see if -"
"My door's fine."
"Not if it's locking me out."
Rodney had his arms crossed, belligerence winning out over confusion, and John couldn't do this with Rodney, not now, so he just said, "That was the point," and left before the man's gobsmacked expression could turn into anything else.
*****
He slept poorly, aches and bruises from his spar with Teyla unable to mask the gut-punch of what he had walked in on earlier that day and exhaustion unable to quiet his mind. Ever since the incident a few months earlier on P6J-497, Dr. Lewis had, understandably, a bit of a crush on McKay. Rodney had let her down surprisingly gently, just after that whole debacle, and John had thought that Rodney had given it - given her - no more thought. She seemed like a nice woman, if a little tightly wound, and a halfway decent scientist (according to Rodney, which probably meant she was in the very top of her field back on Earth), so as the weeks went by and everything had returned to Atlantis-normal, John had generally let her subtle flirting and the way it flustered Rodney pass without comment; drawing Rodney's attention to it would only cause further awkwardness for everyone, he had thought, and if anyone else picked up on it it only worked to Rodney and John's advantage, providing further camouflage.
He knew better now, and damned if he was going to let Rodney fucking McKay know that he'd broken John's heart. He'd bury his feelings. There would be no angry shouting, no knock-down, drag-out fight. He'd ignore Rodney as much as he could, and be cool and professional when he couldn't, and he didn't want anything else from the man, not at all.
John wasn't foolish enough to think that that would actually work, but he was so furious right now that anything but cutting Rodney out of his personal life completely would end badly - probably with a court martial once word of his sexual relationship with another man spread - so he had to try.
*****
The next morning, Rodney was already sitting with Teyla when he and Ronon got through the food line. John greeted them both, then drew Teyla into a conversation about the progress of the crops they'd planted last month on New Athos. Rodney watched him closely, but kept his mouth busy with food.
He watched John during senior staff, too, brow furrowed as John contributed to the meeting while avoiding speaking to Rodney directly. As everyone stood to leave, Rodney said, "Colonel, a moment?"
"Sorry, McKay - this meeting ran over so I'm late as it is."
"Oh," he said, though he didn't look convinced. "I needed to speak to you about revising the -"
"Jumper schedule for Dr. Simpson's team? She already told Lorne. We're trying to work around it, but pushing it will conflict with picking up the trade goods from Lihasa."
John headed for the door, McKay two steps behind. Rodney followed him silently down two flights of stairs and through three corridors before he broke.
"John."
John turned to face him, arms crossed and eyebrow raised.
"Here, just...here." Rodney indicated the closest door and John gave in, allowing himself to be led into the small room. He crossed his arms again as he leaned against the nearest convenient wall.
"Look, I get that you're mad -"
John snorted.
"-but giving me the silent treatment or the cold shoulder won't tell me what I did wrong."
"It doesn't matter what I say. I know, and you know, and there's nothing that can change what happened...or my mind."
"That's it? You won't tell me? You won't even yell at me?"
"I can't talk about this with you."
"What, because it involves feelings?"
"No, because it involves me wanting to punch you in the face."
Rodney looked, at that moment, like John had punched him. "John, what the hell did I do? Whatever it is, I'm sorry, okay? I mean, yesterday everything was fine and now you're all..." He trailed off, waving his hands around in a way that totally meant 'you're acting completely batshit, you know that, right?'
John felt like he was being torn apart, split between the burning anger and hurt and the fact that he loved Rodney so. Damn. Much. He wanted to demand that explanation he'd told himself he didn't need, to find some way for Rodney to explain away what John had seen. And that other half, the half in love with the man in front of him, just wanted to kiss away the hurt and confusion on his face. Well, as long as Rodney already thought he was crazy he might as well go for it.
He reached out, pulling Rodney in as he took possession of his mouth, hands twisted up in the fabric of Rodney's shirt. Rodney clutched at him desperately, hands all over, tongue warring with John's own. He pushed Rodney against the wall, mouth sliding along Rodney's jawline as his hands skimmed downwards, under Rodney's shirt and then back up his chest as he tongued the hollow of Rodney's throat. John could hear him panting harshly, Rodney's own hands scrabbling at John's shirt and it hit him, suddenly, that this was almost exactly how Rodney and Sarah Lewis had looked yesterday when he saw them together.
John backed off slightly, looking into Rodney's eyes. "Tell me you love me."
"I love you. So much, John, I..."
Rodney had always liked blondes and breasts and intelligence. He had liked Katie because Katie liked him, and Jennifer because she had been exactly what he was supposed to want. It was John who was the outlier, not them, and he can't understand why he ever expected things to end differently.
He leaned in, lips brushing the shell of Rodney's ear as he whispered, "Liar."
Rodney stiffened and John extricated himself from the other man, heading for the door. He palmed the controls and the door swished obediently open.
"Wait," Rodney called out.
John paused, kicking himself mentally but unable to force his feet to move when he felt Rodney's hand on his shoulder.
"Tell me," Rodney said.
"There's nothing."
"Just talk to me. You said I'd know but I don't. I don't understand. Look, John, I -" He paused, a wobble of uncertainty in his voice. "Tell me what I can..."
"Nothing," John said firmly. "We're done."
It felt like all the oxygen had been sucked from the room, right out the open doorway. Rodney's hand spasmed reflexively at the words, slipping from his shoulder only when John walked away.
*****
The first few days Rodney avoids him, which is just fine with John. He figured Rodney would ambush him at some point, corner him or lock him in a transporter or break into his quarters, but a confrontation never happens; Rodney makes sure their interactions are calm and efficient, the polite distance of colleagues rather than bitter sniping or thinly-veiled entreaties for a second chance.
Weeks pass, and bit by bit Rodney starts to toss in a funny aside with his running commentary on missions, or push his extra blueberry muffin in John's general direction, or catches John's attention just to roll his eyes as Woolsey drones on in a meeting. Basically, they start to slide back into a tentative form of the friendship they had before, when it was just friendship, but without actively seeking each other out or spending more time together than the time that is inevitably spent together as two people who live in a city the size of Manhattan but with a population smaller than John's high school graduating class.
Everyone's noticed but no one seems willing to comment, at least not in John's hearing, and he just has to learn to live with Teyla's slight frown and Ronon's attempts to beat him up slightly more so than usual, to run a little earlier and longer and faster. Zelenka tends to glare at him, muttering under his breath.
John wondered if they thought that he did something wrong, but he's not brave enough to ask.
Four weeks and six days after 'that day' the entire mess hall was abuzz with the latest gossip. John had been enjoying a slice of pie, freshly made from the lyula berries they'd received in exchange for a bit of engineering help, when Amelia joined their group to fill them in.
She'd heard from Chuck, who'd heard from Nurse Vega on night shift, who'd been told by Lt. Wiley himself just after the fight ended...
"-and then she slapped him across the face, right in the middle of the infirmary!"
"Were not the Sergeant and Dr. Owens engaged to be wed?" Teyla asked.
"Well, they were," Amelia said, leaning in, "but I would think finding out that your fiancé had knocked up another woman because you're the one who ran the tests would put an end to that."
John tuned them out, attacking the rest of his pie with a vengeance. He had watched Rodney closely during the entire discussion, especially since Dr. Owens was one of the few doctors he actually liked, but there was no flinch, no flush to his cheeks or downturned mouth, and he spoke about Halladay with nothing but honest and heartfelt anger in his tone. Hypocrite, John wanted to say but didn't, couldn't, not in front of mixed company. His hands clenched into fists beneath the table and he excused himself to get coffee, hesitating only briefly before returning with an extra for Rodney, some sort of bizarre peace offering that he doesn't even understand but couldn't stop himself from doing.
Luckily they'd turned to another subject by the time he got back, but he missed half of what was being said, lost in reviewing Rodney's look of surprised pleasure when John had slid the mug in front of him.
That night he can't sleep, thoughts as tangled as his emotions; if Rodney really wanted Dr. Lewis, he could have been dating her by now, openly. Instead, he'd been working longer and longer hours, looking worn and tired and trying, slowly, to thaw John out. Giving rest up as a lost cause, he threw off the sheets as he reached for his pants, his shirt, his boots, pulling everything on and walking quickly to Rodney's quarters before he could change his mind. He debated knocking but couldn't make himself do it, instead just swiping his hand over the panel. The doors slid open and John stepped inside, bringing the lights up halfway as he called out, "McKay?"
Rodney wasn't in bed or at the desk, and John had taken another few steps before he saw Rodney sprawled on the floor on the far side of the bed, unmoving, blood pooling around him. The sight stopped him cold, frozen for a moment of shocked horror before he fumbled for his earpiece to shout, "Medical emergency, Dr. McKay's quarters!"
He ignored their return hail as he dropped to his knees beside Rodney to feel for a pulse at his neck. It was there, barely, and when he leaned close John could hear him struggling for breath. He quickly assessed Rodney, grabbing a nearby t-shirt to staunch the blood flow from the stab wounds - God, Rodney'd been stabbed - that he could see in his stomach.
He tapped at his earpiece again. "Security team to Dr. McKay's quarters. Be advised that Dr. McKay has been attacked by an unknown assailant. High alert."
"On our way, Colonel."
John leaned in, dropping a kiss on Rodney's forehead before he rested his own against it. "Breathe, Rodney. Just keep breathing, okay?"
The medical response team arrived a moment later, quickly pushing John out of the way as they assessed Rodney and prepped him for travel. He stood, tapping his radio to the team channel. "Ronon?"
"Almost there."
True to his word, Ronon skidded into the room after a few seconds, looking as if he'd just sprinted across all of Atlantis. His face darkened when he saw Rodney being lifted onto the gurney. "What happened?"
"Someone stabbed him. Security should be here any -" He stopped when three Marines entered the room, acknowledging them with a nod. "Take a look around," he said to Ronon, "see if there's any way you can track where the guy went after this."
Calling the men over, he briefly explained the situation as Rodney was wheeled out of the room, then said, "Get Major Lorne out of bed and brief him - run everything through him; he'll be in charge. Get Dr. Zelenka up, too. Send him with an escort to access and review security footage. I want a security sweep of the city, headcount, everything." John jerked a thumb in the direction the medical team had disappeared. "I'll be in the infirmary."
"Yes, sir."
*****
John stayed in the infirmary until Rodney had been taken for surgery and he knew more about his condition, Ronon joining him when he had been unable to make any progress. Teyla had been sent for, but it would still be another hour before she could return from New Athos.
He was pacing, debating calling Lorne or going to find the Major himself when Lorne turned up, finishing a conversation on his headset as he approached John.
"Colonel, we've run a sweep of the city - all life signs accounted for. We've locked down the gate to outgoing traffic, secured the jumper bay and critical areas, and increased patrols. I just spoke to Dr. Zelenka; he says the security footage has been tampered with, he's trying to restore it now. It looks like the attack was planned and personally motivated, sir."
John ran a hand through his hair, sighing. "Okay. Any information from the...from McKay's room?"
"The sergeant hasn't found the weapon or any useful trace evidence. It looks like the attack happened maybe ten minutes before you found him, and Gutierrez did say that Dr. McKay was conscious for at least some of it. He...he was trying to get to his radio, sir. Rodney dragged himself a few feet before the blood loss..."
John's fists clenched and Ronon growled, stalking across the length of the infirmary as if looking for Rodney's assailant to pop up at any moment - and relishing the opportunity.
"What else?"
"I spoke with Mr. Woolsey - he's against confining personnel to quarters, so we're keeping an eye on everyone's movements. Most of the city's sleeping, anyway, at least for the next few hours." Lorne cocked his head, listening to his radio. "Thank you, lieutenant."
"Sir, Zelenka's almost ready."
"Alright," John said. "I'll come with you. Ronon, can you stay here, make sure he's safe?"
At Ronon's nod John left, Lorne on his heels.
*****
When they arrived, Woolsey was already there, along with Zelenka and his security escort, Lt. Barnett.
"What have you got, Dr. Z?"
Zelenka looked up from his computer, startled. "Ah, Colonel. The original recording was not erased, as we first thought, but rather not recorded."
"Someone looped the footage?"
"Not that either, which turns out fortunately for us. The residential hall cameras were functional, just told not to record collected data for later use. Now, this being Ancient system, there is much redundancy - I found that the recordings were sent to the secondary backup even though they never appeared on primary." Zelenka grinned. "All I need is a security authorization to override and access backup data."
"Good work, Radek. You need me?"
"Yes. I have inputted initial information, just touch here," he said, indicating a palm pad on the right side of the security console, "and give your authorization."
John did so and watched as a stream of data began scrolling across the display.
"Right. Now request video feed data from camera 23 beginning today at 0240...good. Thank you, Colonel."
John stepped back and Dr. Zelenka tapped at the console, sending the video to the large screen suspended above it.
It was a long shot of the corridor, set high enough that the full hallway could be seen. Rodney's quarters were about three-quarters of the way down the hall on the left, one of only three rooms in that section but just off a transporter junction. Another hallway intersected it just before Rodney's door but on the opposite side.
As a pair of scientists came into view from around the corner past Rodney's quarters, John realized that the video was playing at about twice normal speed. Once they left the screen there was nothing for several minutes, John watching with increased tension as the time scrolled by in Ancient.
Then a woman appeared from the direction of the transporter, slim and light-haired. She walked right to Rodney's door, swiped her hand over the panel and walked in. Two minutes later she left, walking back up the hall; from this angle, he could clearly identify Dr. Lewis.
She had tried to kill Rodney? But why?
Woolsey made a shocked exclamation, and John turned only to see him staring back at John. They were all staring at John, Radek's mouth hanging open and Lorne's face utterly unreadable, the Lieutenant looking unaccountably nervous.
"Colonel?" Lorne asked.
"Send a security team." Out of the corner of his eye, John watched himself entering the room, then the medical team flying down the hall as they responded to John's distress call.
Woolsey cleared his throat. "I don't think that will be necessary. Major Lorne, if you and the Leiutenant would escort the Colonel?"
"Wait," John said. "Escort me where? You need to send security immediately, she -"
"Colonel, please, calm down."
"Calm...? What the hell is going on?" Lorne and Lt. Barnett both took a step toward him, Barnett with gun in hand, and John immediately took a step back. "Major, what are you doing?"
Lorne held one hand up, the other resting on his holstered weapon. "Sir, I need you to -"
John gestured to the screen. "Didn't you see -"
"I did, sir, so just -"
"It wasn't me, that's when I found him. I was -"
"Twice, sir? No one else entered the room, just you." Lorne took another step forward. "Don't move, sir," he said as he drew his weapon, "Just stay there."
"You and Rodney were arguing," Woolsey said, "You have been for weeks now. Things just -"
"Wait," John said, "just wait one damn minute - that wasn't...I didn't...I went there and he was dying, bleeding out. How could you think that I had anything to do with this?"
"Things just got out of hand," said Woolsey, continuing as if John hadn't said anything, "You were angry, I'm sure you didn't mean it. You left, what? To dispose of the weapon? But afterwards you came back, you wanted to save him."
"Look, I don't know what you think you saw, but I am telling you - hold on." John put his hands up, gesturing 'back off' as he caught Dr. Zelenka's eye. "Radek, what did you see?"
"You, Colonel. Just you."
He started to tell Zelenka to replay the video but he stopped, feeling suddenly sick, as everything clicked into place. Dr. Lewis and that goddamned planet and what he had seen - had thought he'd seen - when Rodney... "Oh God," he whispered. They steal our Bodies to walk among Us, and only the One shall see the deception.
Needing a moment of distraction, he had Atlantis send a burst of audio feedback. Quickly disarming Barnett and pushing him out of the way and into Lorne, John holstered the gun and ran, turning off the lights and telling the door to lock behind him. Hopefully that would buy him enough time, since they couldn't radio out over the squeal of the room's audio and Zelenka would have to convince the door to open.
He pounded down the halls, thoughts spinning, desperate to get to Rodney before she could try again. He passed two Marines on patrol but they didn't try to stop him, one calling out, "Sir?"
"As you were," he shouted over his shoulder, detouring around the main arteries in case Lorne managed to send out an alert. He trailed his fingertips along the wall as he ran, thinking, I'm invisible, I'm invisible, you can't see me, I'm invisible...
Next he tapped his radio to the team channel, calling out, "Ronon?"
"Yeah?"
"Get to the security room, quickly."
Ronon didn't question it, just clicked his radio and took off - John saw the back of him disappear just as John was approaching from the other direction. He slowed to a walk, closing and locking the infirmary doors as soon as he was through.
"Hey, Marie, any word?"
"Oh, Colonel Sheppard, you're back." Marie smiled, pointing towards one of the private rooms. "They just finished, Dr. Keller is just making sure he's settled if you'd like to talk to her."
"Thanks a lot," he said, walking quickly across the infirmary.
Jennifer was making a notation on Rodney's chart when he entered. Rodney was either sleeping or still sedated; he looked pale and worn. "Hey, Doc, how's our patient?"
"Very lucky. The gash in his stomach was deep - we had to repair some internal damage before we could close it up with stitches, and he was also slashed higher on his chest as well as on his forearm and upper thigh. He lost a lot of blood, but as long as we're mindful of infection and strain, he should make a full recovery."
John squeezed her shoulder in reassurance. "You did great work, Jennifer. Thank you."
"Any word on who did this?"
"Not yet, Zelenka's working on it. Um, Marie said to send you out if you were finished here...I think she needs some help with a new patient."
"Oh," she said, surprised. Seeming to shake off her fatigue, she glanced back at Rodney, saying, "You can sit with him for a few minutes, but that's all. He needs quiet rest."
As soon as she left he locked the door, then twisted the blinds closed. He hesitated when he pulled the covers off of Rodney, revealing his bandages, but he had to make sure they were somewhere safe before he could convince Lorne and the others and get them to find Dr. Lewis. John detached the IVs and monitors, dragging Rodney carefully into the wheelchair he had pulled alongside the bed.
Please, John thought, don't let me be ripping his stitches.
Grabbing what supplies he could find and piling them on Rodney's lap, he ignored Dr. Keller's pounding on the doors, wheeling him through the bathroom and the adjoining door into the next private room, then out that door and through the little-used back infirmary entrance before anyone realized he'd gone.
Once out of the infirmary he wheeled Rodney quickly though the corridors, telling Atlantis that Rodney was invisible too, really he was, and asking her to mess with a few non-essential systems to buy him some time. He was never sure how well requests like that worked, however, so he kept going, finally ending up in a little-used corridor that had seemingly only one door.
He and Ronon had discovered a hidden room here months ago while on a run, John managing to activate the panel completely by accident. They had immediately commed Rodney, and been disappointed to learn that whatever had been concealed there previously was gone, leaving nothing more exciting than an empty room that only John could open. There had never been an official report filed, though, so as far as John knew no one would ever think to look for them there.
At Rodney's suggestion, John had been keeping some supplies there in the event of some emergency in the city; he was glad of them now. John quickly set up the inflatable mattresses, stacking them one on top of the other before unzipping a sleeping bag and laying it on top. He positioned Rodney's chair close by, lifted him, and carefully laid him on the bed, checking the wounds as best he could before unzipping another bag and spreading it over the injured man.
With Rodney settled, he quickly set up the laptop, Ancient scanner, and radios. The lifesigns detector showed no one anywhere near their location - not even themselves. Thank you, he mentally sent to Atlantis. Relatively certain that they were safe for the time being, John took stock of what he had.
He was worst off in the area of medical supplies, though he had a good first aid kit plus the drugs and IVs which he had taken from Rodney's room. Hopefully, they wouldn't be here too long - if they were, John would have to find some way to get back into the infirmary. Of course, if Rodney got an infection...
Well, John told himself, he won't.
Setting some of his equipment down beside the bed, John found his stash of MREs and water and ate something that tasted nothing like it but would have to pass for breakfast. It was almost dawn, and the city would be waking soon.
Debating his next move, John settled in against a wall with his radio. Setting it to the channel that he and Lorne shared - normally something he thought was a waste, but right now something he was incredibly grateful for - he said, "Major Lorne. Evan, if you can hear me, get somewhere private and let me know. I'll wait."
He didn't hear anything back right away, so John checked on Rodney, giving him some pain meds before returning to his spot against the wall and just watching the man breathe. God, he'd been so stupid, and all this time...
The radio squawked. "Colonel?"
"Here."
"Due respect, sir, but Christ. What the hell?"
John chuckled. "Not that I doubt you after that, Evan, but I need you to tell me something. Something only you and I would know."
"O...kay..." Lorne stretched the word out, either giving himself time to think or letting his CO know that he thought he was nuts. Possibly both. "Um. Last Tuesday, we decided to send Lt. Bainbridge home. Everyone else thinks it's a promotion, but...
"If he'd stayed out here any longer he would have gotten his team killed."
"Yeah," Lorne said quietly. He paused for a moment, then: "Sir, all hell's broken loose, and we're two lifesigns short - Woolsey was thinking murder-suicide. Mind telling me what's going on?"
"I didn't attack Rodney, and I didn't have time to explain what was going on - I had to get him safe."
"You couldn't just secure the infirmary? Because Dr. Keller's throwing a fit, not to mention Ronon and Teyla."
John winced. "Yeah, well. No one's going to find us until this is over. He's resting comfortably, but I'd be happier if you could solve this from your end rather than me crawling through the ducts or anything."
"If you've got an explanation I'd sure as hell like to hear it, sir."
"It was Dr. Lewis. See if you can locate her, quietly...there are no lifesigns in her quarters, so she's somewhere else. If you can't find her, that's where things get tricky."
"I can send someone to look, sir, but that doesn't tell me why I shouldn't be hunting you down."
"When you saw that recording, you saw me. I saw her. The second time, that was me, but the first - the attacker - was Dr. Lewis."
"Invasion of the body snatchers?" Lorne asked skeptically.
"Remember P6J-497?"
There was a long pause, and John could almost hear Lorne's brain first trying to remember the planet and then short-cutting it by factoring Dr. Lewis' involvement, and then -
"Well, shit, sir."
"Exactly. After that whole disaster, Rodney assigned the tech we recovered to Dr. Lewis. He thought it might not be good for her to dwell on it, considering what happened on the planet, but that quack Dr. Bessette thought it would be therapeutic and give her back 'control', whatever the hell that's supposed to mean. God, she must have been self-destructing all along and he never saw it - none of us saw it. I think she figured out what one of the devices was meant for from the texts and used it the way it was intended: They steal our Bodies to walk among Us, and only the One shall see the deception. That wasn't about the Wraith or the Deceivers at all, Lorne, the cult and all that nonsense..."
"She took on your appearance. Not your physical self."
"Right. And when you look, everyone else sees the illusion. Everyone except the person she's impersonating."
"We saw you," Lorne said slowly, comprehension dawning, "and you saw her."
"Yes. But she's not going to be masquerading as me now, so either you find her as herself or -"
"She's one of us. Sir, how do we figure out who she is? All we know is that she's not you or McKay. Hell, she could even be me, as long as she stays out of my way."
"You might be a little too high profile for her, unless she's desperate. You radio one of the Marines from the control room and then a minute later you're in a different part of the city? They'll notice. Of course, she just needs to fake it long enough to get out of the room...next second, she's someone else."
"Can she just keep changing?"
John sighed. "I have no idea how the device works, or which one it even is, but we have to assume that she can. See if you can clear Zelenka and one Marine - get them to her lab, lock them in, see if he can figure out what's going on."
"I'll do that first, sir. You think you could tell Atlantis to lay off, though? Now that - hold on..." There was silence for a few seconds. "I have another situation to deal with. Si...er, sergeant, thank you for the information. Keep looking."
Lorne clicked off, so John figured he was on his own for a while. He glanced at the lifesigns detector, still clear, and debated the merits of letting Ronon and Teyla in on what was going on. Pulling up the city schematics on the data pad, he tried to figure out where Dr. Lewis would go, who she would try to be. Unfortunately, her deciding to kill someone else and passing as them until she could either get away or do whatever it was she wanted to accomplish by impersonating John and trying to kill Rodney seemed the likeliest option. If they made a citywide announcement, would she panic? Would that be worse than trying to hunt her down covertly, hoping she didn't kill anyone because they didn't know to be afraid?
Unsettled, John clicked his radio over to the team channel. "Ronon?"
There was silence for a moment before Teyla answered. "John. Ronon is...not pleased that you have deceived him, and I am angered as well. What have you done with Rodney? Is he -"
"He's fine. Will be fine." John turned to glance at Rodney...and froze. "Shit. Um, have to go."
John dropped the radio into his lap and raised his hands in surrender. "Rodney..."
Rodney was half-sitting on the bed, one hand wrapped around his stomach and the other around the gun he was pointing at John's head.
"Call...Woolsey. Or...Lorne. Now. Tell him...where...we are..." Rodney was panting with the effort of sitting up, of speaking, but when John shifted towards him he called out, "Don't!"
The gun never wavered.
"I'll shoot you...you...son'v...bitch."
"I know, I know you would," John placated. "I was just trying to help."
"Help me...into...m' grave." Rodney moved his hand slightly, hissing in pain.
"No, Rodney, Jesus. Look, it wasn't me, okay? I didn't hurt you, it just looked like me. You've seen enough whacky Pegasus stuff to know that it didn't have to be me...I just want to help you, alright? You need to lay down. I won't hurt you, Rodney. I would never hurt you."
"Did."
"No, I said it wasn't me, I -"
"Hate me. Left. Don'...love me."
"Lay down, Rodney. Please. Let me check your stitches."
"No. Can't..trust..."
"You can, Rodney, I swear. It was a mistake. Please, you're going to hurt yourself. I can explain what happened, okay? Just let me -"
A loud banging startled them both and John flinched, then cursed as he grabbed at his side, pain and adrenaline both shooting through his body. Seeing Rodney's look of shock and horror, John quickly grabbed the gun from his lax fingers, pushing the other man back down gently, one-handed. "It's okay, Rodney, it's okay," John soothed. "You barely got me."
"Sheppard!"
John rolled his eyes at Ronon's roar and the renewed banging, saying, "Guess the cavalry found us."
"Got us shot," he added as he crossed the room, "but found us."
Checking the lifesigns detector to make sure it was only the two of them, John picked up his radio and said, "Prove it's you or I'm not letting you in."
He then pulled off his shirt and shuffled over to the first aid kit, grabbing some gauze and pressing it to his wound, listening with half an ear as Teyla mentioned something from their first meeting and Ronon the last ridiculous and unreported off-world ceremony they'd had to participate in.
John politely asked Atlantis to add the rest of his team to the ranks of invisibility, watching their biosigns disappear before he opened the panel.
"Ronon, Teyla. Let me explain..."
*****
Teyla tended to Rodney, making sure that he hadn't torn his stitches and giving him some more medication. John reluctantly allowed Ronon to patch him up, flinching when the man was less than gentle. "You're pissed, I get it, move on."
"You didn't trust me. Any of us."
"I couldn't. She could have been any one of you, she could have been Keller or Marie...all it would have taken was one second, someone we thought was safe, and she'd have finished the job. If you had captured me he would have been completely vulnerable."
"Whatever." Ronon shrugged, but John knew that he was thinking it over.
"We need a password," Teyla said as she approached. "Ronon and I should go back to help Major Lorne, now that we know what is happening. It would be easier to know we are ourselves with a simple word or phrase."
"We should have several," Ronon said, "a new one each time. Safer."
"Yes, that is a good plan. Colonel?"
"Hmm?" John said, watching Rodney sleep. "Yes, absolutely. But he really should be in the infirmary, so let's get going...I'll give you ten minutes to get back to a more populated area, then I'll tell Atlantis she can see you again. Hopefully no one will have noticed where you dropped off the grid earlier."
They agreed on four sets of phrases for identification, then left, Teyla pressing her forehead quickly to John's as she went, saying, "All will be well, John. You'll see."
"Good luck," he called, watching them disappear down the hallway even as the detector told him that there had never been anyone there in the first place.
*****
"She killed Lt. Astor, sir."
"When?" John asked.
"About an hour ago, when I was speaking to you. We've managed to keep it quiet...only a few of us know. I don't think we were supposed to find the body for a while - we only noticed because we've been keeping such a close eye on the lifesigns, sir. Sgt. Campbell noticed that there were two, then one, so when that one left we checked out Astor's quarters."
"She doesn't know we know?"
"I don't believe so, sir. I told Ronon and Teyla as soon as they...returned...and they're trying to find her as Astor right now."
John sighed. "She might not look like him. We don't know what she's after."
"I know, Colonel, but that's our best lead for now."
"All right, thanks for the update. I feel useless hidden away here, but -"
"You just keep McKay going. And remember that when this is over, you'll have to face Keller."
"Oh, thanks a lot, Major."
"I try, sir."
John clicked off, walking back over to the bed. He wished he could sleep, too, but if he did there would be no one to keep watch - or keep Rodney drugged. As if on cue, Rodney stirred and blinked, eyes widening when they focused on John. He shrank away, hands scrabbling for something to protect himself with.
Even though he understood the reaction, it hurt.
"Hey, hey, it's okay, Rodney. You're fine. Everything's fine, you're safe."
"Get away from me."
"No can do, buddy. You're stuck with me."
Rodney's eyes darted around the room, some of the tension seeming to leave his body as he realized where he was. "Shot you?"
"Grazed. It was an accident."
"You said...it wasn't you."
"Because it wasn't. I...it's my fault, though."
John reached out, fingertips brushing across the hair at Rodney's forehead. Rodney closed his eyes at the caress, a small smile on his face.
"I'm so sorry, Rodney. I was...stupid, and I caused us both a lot of pain." John leaned in to press a gentle kiss on Rodney's cheek. "It just hurt so much, I couldn't even talk to you about it. I was scared of what I might say."
Rodney looked at him curiously. "What...?"
"Sarah Lewis. She used one of the devices she'd been studying to look like me, just like the goddamned natives said. I saw her...with you. Kissing you. To the person she's imitating, she just looks like herself."
"You thought I was...oh God, I thought she was you? And you saw us?"
John shrugged. "I was so mad, I just..."
"I love you," Rodney blurted out. "When you stabbed me -"
"When she stabbed you," John interrupted.
"Right, well, when she stabbed me, she asked why I couldn't just love her and I'm lying there on the floor, bleeding to death -"
"You're alive."
Rodney glared. "Bleeding almost to death, and all I can think is how wrong you are - she is, I mean."
Rodney placed his hand over John's, tangling their fingers together. "It's always been you."
"I know," John said, raising their joined hands to kiss Rodney's, "that's why it hurt so much."
"I would never -"
"I know. I love you. I trust you. And from now on," John said with a slight frown, "I'll talk it out with you, even when it's hard."
"Wow," Rodney said. "Are you sure I'm not dead? Because this is..."
"Hey, you recently nearly bled to death. Don't make me smack you."
"I take it from our luxurious accommodations that we haven't caught her yet?"
"Closing in. But she has the advantage of being a chameleon."
"They'll find her."
"Yeah," John said, "they will."
*****
It was two hours and another body before they caught her, holding one of the Marines guarding the ZPM room as a hostage against the other to gain access, screaming about how they'd all be together, if they'd just let her kill them. Mr. Woolsey had wanted to try to talk her down, but Ronon just stunned Dr. Lewis and the sergeant both.
Once the all clear was given, John took Rodney back to the infirmary where he was roundly scolded until he lifted his shirt to show his own injuries, at which point John was poked and prodded and stitched up and almost - almost - wished to go back to the yelling.
John was released only an hour later, though he hangs around anyway and spends most of his time over the next two days with Rodney, under the watchful eye of the infirmary staff. They still manage to get a lot said, their weeks of bitterness and anger fading away as they realize that it had been beyond their control, right from the start: Rodney knowing that he hadn't cheated and John knowing that he had, with both of them being right. And wrong. Even if John had accused him, had said flat out that he had seen Rodney with another woman, Rodney wouldn't have understood.
Sarah never speaks again; not to explain herself, not to plead for mercy, not for anything. Dr. Bessette finally concedes that, perhaps, she had been more damaged than he realized by her experience off-world. Mr. Woolsey sends him back on the next Daedalus run - ostensibly to escort Dr. Lewis to the SGC and a secure facility, but he never returns.
Three weeks later, Rodney is officially cleared for duty. The team celebrates with a trip to New Athos, somewhere they can all relax and enjoy their last evening off. As the fire burns low and the chill creeps in, Rodney edges closer and closer to John, ignoring propriety and plausible deniability in favor of warmth.
"Happy now?" John asks, yawning, as he slings an arm around Rodney to draw him closer still.
"Yeah. I am."
Author: mdime02
Recipient: kisahawklin
Pairing: McKay/Sheppard
Rating: R
Disclaimer: Not mine, or they'd still be on the air.
Summary: Ever since the incident a few months earlier on P6J-497, Dr. Lewis had, understandably, a bit of a crush on McKay...John had generally let her subtle flirting and the way it flustered Rodney pass without comment.
He hadn't seen it coming. Or at least, he hadn't taken what he had seen seriously. God, he and Rodney had teased each other about it - joked about it - and now...
John backed away carefully, letting the doors to Rodney's quarters whisper shut before he closed his eyes and took a deep, steadying breath. He opened his eyes on the exhale, turned on his heel, and went back to work.
*****
Four hours later, John had conned Teyla into an evening practice session with the promise of Torren-sitting; they were panting for breath, muscles straining and bantos rods locked together, when Rodney entered the training room, watching for a moment before greeting them both and asking, "Time out?"
John's shoulders tensed further, and Teyla used his momentary distraction to drop low and sweep his feet out from under him, sending John off-balance and landing him on his ass. Of course, that was hardly the first time she had pulled such a stunt and John managed to twist away from her sticks before she could either whap him soundly or pin him down.
She gave him a smile and a quick nod of approval before turning. "Yes, Rodney?"
"Could I steal the Colonel for a moment?"
"Actually," John said, "we're in the middle of -"
"Of course you may," Teyla interrupted as she gathered her things. "I believe that is enough for tonight, Colonel. Rodney. I'll see you both for breakfast?"
Waiting only for a brief affirmative from both men, she said, "Goodnight, then," and left the room.
John used Teyla's departure as an excuse to turn away from Rodney and pack his own things. "You need something?" he asked over his shoulder.
"Yes. Um. There seems to be a malfunction with your door, it -" Rodney paused as several Marines entered the room, laughing. He waited as they greeted Colonel Sheppard and himself, then pitched his voice low, saying, "It didn't recognize me."
John shrugged. "Not a malfunction."
Rodney's brow creased in confusion. "Well of course it is. I just need you to reauthorize me so we can see if -"
"My door's fine."
"Not if it's locking me out."
Rodney had his arms crossed, belligerence winning out over confusion, and John couldn't do this with Rodney, not now, so he just said, "That was the point," and left before the man's gobsmacked expression could turn into anything else.
*****
He slept poorly, aches and bruises from his spar with Teyla unable to mask the gut-punch of what he had walked in on earlier that day and exhaustion unable to quiet his mind. Ever since the incident a few months earlier on P6J-497, Dr. Lewis had, understandably, a bit of a crush on McKay. Rodney had let her down surprisingly gently, just after that whole debacle, and John had thought that Rodney had given it - given her - no more thought. She seemed like a nice woman, if a little tightly wound, and a halfway decent scientist (according to Rodney, which probably meant she was in the very top of her field back on Earth), so as the weeks went by and everything had returned to Atlantis-normal, John had generally let her subtle flirting and the way it flustered Rodney pass without comment; drawing Rodney's attention to it would only cause further awkwardness for everyone, he had thought, and if anyone else picked up on it it only worked to Rodney and John's advantage, providing further camouflage.
He knew better now, and damned if he was going to let Rodney fucking McKay know that he'd broken John's heart. He'd bury his feelings. There would be no angry shouting, no knock-down, drag-out fight. He'd ignore Rodney as much as he could, and be cool and professional when he couldn't, and he didn't want anything else from the man, not at all.
John wasn't foolish enough to think that that would actually work, but he was so furious right now that anything but cutting Rodney out of his personal life completely would end badly - probably with a court martial once word of his sexual relationship with another man spread - so he had to try.
*****
The next morning, Rodney was already sitting with Teyla when he and Ronon got through the food line. John greeted them both, then drew Teyla into a conversation about the progress of the crops they'd planted last month on New Athos. Rodney watched him closely, but kept his mouth busy with food.
He watched John during senior staff, too, brow furrowed as John contributed to the meeting while avoiding speaking to Rodney directly. As everyone stood to leave, Rodney said, "Colonel, a moment?"
"Sorry, McKay - this meeting ran over so I'm late as it is."
"Oh," he said, though he didn't look convinced. "I needed to speak to you about revising the -"
"Jumper schedule for Dr. Simpson's team? She already told Lorne. We're trying to work around it, but pushing it will conflict with picking up the trade goods from Lihasa."
John headed for the door, McKay two steps behind. Rodney followed him silently down two flights of stairs and through three corridors before he broke.
"John."
John turned to face him, arms crossed and eyebrow raised.
"Here, just...here." Rodney indicated the closest door and John gave in, allowing himself to be led into the small room. He crossed his arms again as he leaned against the nearest convenient wall.
"Look, I get that you're mad -"
John snorted.
"-but giving me the silent treatment or the cold shoulder won't tell me what I did wrong."
"It doesn't matter what I say. I know, and you know, and there's nothing that can change what happened...or my mind."
"That's it? You won't tell me? You won't even yell at me?"
"I can't talk about this with you."
"What, because it involves feelings?"
"No, because it involves me wanting to punch you in the face."
Rodney looked, at that moment, like John had punched him. "John, what the hell did I do? Whatever it is, I'm sorry, okay? I mean, yesterday everything was fine and now you're all..." He trailed off, waving his hands around in a way that totally meant 'you're acting completely batshit, you know that, right?'
John felt like he was being torn apart, split between the burning anger and hurt and the fact that he loved Rodney so. Damn. Much. He wanted to demand that explanation he'd told himself he didn't need, to find some way for Rodney to explain away what John had seen. And that other half, the half in love with the man in front of him, just wanted to kiss away the hurt and confusion on his face. Well, as long as Rodney already thought he was crazy he might as well go for it.
He reached out, pulling Rodney in as he took possession of his mouth, hands twisted up in the fabric of Rodney's shirt. Rodney clutched at him desperately, hands all over, tongue warring with John's own. He pushed Rodney against the wall, mouth sliding along Rodney's jawline as his hands skimmed downwards, under Rodney's shirt and then back up his chest as he tongued the hollow of Rodney's throat. John could hear him panting harshly, Rodney's own hands scrabbling at John's shirt and it hit him, suddenly, that this was almost exactly how Rodney and Sarah Lewis had looked yesterday when he saw them together.
John backed off slightly, looking into Rodney's eyes. "Tell me you love me."
"I love you. So much, John, I..."
Rodney had always liked blondes and breasts and intelligence. He had liked Katie because Katie liked him, and Jennifer because she had been exactly what he was supposed to want. It was John who was the outlier, not them, and he can't understand why he ever expected things to end differently.
He leaned in, lips brushing the shell of Rodney's ear as he whispered, "Liar."
Rodney stiffened and John extricated himself from the other man, heading for the door. He palmed the controls and the door swished obediently open.
"Wait," Rodney called out.
John paused, kicking himself mentally but unable to force his feet to move when he felt Rodney's hand on his shoulder.
"Tell me," Rodney said.
"There's nothing."
"Just talk to me. You said I'd know but I don't. I don't understand. Look, John, I -" He paused, a wobble of uncertainty in his voice. "Tell me what I can..."
"Nothing," John said firmly. "We're done."
It felt like all the oxygen had been sucked from the room, right out the open doorway. Rodney's hand spasmed reflexively at the words, slipping from his shoulder only when John walked away.
*****
The first few days Rodney avoids him, which is just fine with John. He figured Rodney would ambush him at some point, corner him or lock him in a transporter or break into his quarters, but a confrontation never happens; Rodney makes sure their interactions are calm and efficient, the polite distance of colleagues rather than bitter sniping or thinly-veiled entreaties for a second chance.
Weeks pass, and bit by bit Rodney starts to toss in a funny aside with his running commentary on missions, or push his extra blueberry muffin in John's general direction, or catches John's attention just to roll his eyes as Woolsey drones on in a meeting. Basically, they start to slide back into a tentative form of the friendship they had before, when it was just friendship, but without actively seeking each other out or spending more time together than the time that is inevitably spent together as two people who live in a city the size of Manhattan but with a population smaller than John's high school graduating class.
Everyone's noticed but no one seems willing to comment, at least not in John's hearing, and he just has to learn to live with Teyla's slight frown and Ronon's attempts to beat him up slightly more so than usual, to run a little earlier and longer and faster. Zelenka tends to glare at him, muttering under his breath.
John wondered if they thought that he did something wrong, but he's not brave enough to ask.
Four weeks and six days after 'that day' the entire mess hall was abuzz with the latest gossip. John had been enjoying a slice of pie, freshly made from the lyula berries they'd received in exchange for a bit of engineering help, when Amelia joined their group to fill them in.
She'd heard from Chuck, who'd heard from Nurse Vega on night shift, who'd been told by Lt. Wiley himself just after the fight ended...
"-and then she slapped him across the face, right in the middle of the infirmary!"
"Were not the Sergeant and Dr. Owens engaged to be wed?" Teyla asked.
"Well, they were," Amelia said, leaning in, "but I would think finding out that your fiancé had knocked up another woman because you're the one who ran the tests would put an end to that."
John tuned them out, attacking the rest of his pie with a vengeance. He had watched Rodney closely during the entire discussion, especially since Dr. Owens was one of the few doctors he actually liked, but there was no flinch, no flush to his cheeks or downturned mouth, and he spoke about Halladay with nothing but honest and heartfelt anger in his tone. Hypocrite, John wanted to say but didn't, couldn't, not in front of mixed company. His hands clenched into fists beneath the table and he excused himself to get coffee, hesitating only briefly before returning with an extra for Rodney, some sort of bizarre peace offering that he doesn't even understand but couldn't stop himself from doing.
Luckily they'd turned to another subject by the time he got back, but he missed half of what was being said, lost in reviewing Rodney's look of surprised pleasure when John had slid the mug in front of him.
That night he can't sleep, thoughts as tangled as his emotions; if Rodney really wanted Dr. Lewis, he could have been dating her by now, openly. Instead, he'd been working longer and longer hours, looking worn and tired and trying, slowly, to thaw John out. Giving rest up as a lost cause, he threw off the sheets as he reached for his pants, his shirt, his boots, pulling everything on and walking quickly to Rodney's quarters before he could change his mind. He debated knocking but couldn't make himself do it, instead just swiping his hand over the panel. The doors slid open and John stepped inside, bringing the lights up halfway as he called out, "McKay?"
Rodney wasn't in bed or at the desk, and John had taken another few steps before he saw Rodney sprawled on the floor on the far side of the bed, unmoving, blood pooling around him. The sight stopped him cold, frozen for a moment of shocked horror before he fumbled for his earpiece to shout, "Medical emergency, Dr. McKay's quarters!"
He ignored their return hail as he dropped to his knees beside Rodney to feel for a pulse at his neck. It was there, barely, and when he leaned close John could hear him struggling for breath. He quickly assessed Rodney, grabbing a nearby t-shirt to staunch the blood flow from the stab wounds - God, Rodney'd been stabbed - that he could see in his stomach.
He tapped at his earpiece again. "Security team to Dr. McKay's quarters. Be advised that Dr. McKay has been attacked by an unknown assailant. High alert."
"On our way, Colonel."
John leaned in, dropping a kiss on Rodney's forehead before he rested his own against it. "Breathe, Rodney. Just keep breathing, okay?"
The medical response team arrived a moment later, quickly pushing John out of the way as they assessed Rodney and prepped him for travel. He stood, tapping his radio to the team channel. "Ronon?"
"Almost there."
True to his word, Ronon skidded into the room after a few seconds, looking as if he'd just sprinted across all of Atlantis. His face darkened when he saw Rodney being lifted onto the gurney. "What happened?"
"Someone stabbed him. Security should be here any -" He stopped when three Marines entered the room, acknowledging them with a nod. "Take a look around," he said to Ronon, "see if there's any way you can track where the guy went after this."
Calling the men over, he briefly explained the situation as Rodney was wheeled out of the room, then said, "Get Major Lorne out of bed and brief him - run everything through him; he'll be in charge. Get Dr. Zelenka up, too. Send him with an escort to access and review security footage. I want a security sweep of the city, headcount, everything." John jerked a thumb in the direction the medical team had disappeared. "I'll be in the infirmary."
"Yes, sir."
*****
John stayed in the infirmary until Rodney had been taken for surgery and he knew more about his condition, Ronon joining him when he had been unable to make any progress. Teyla had been sent for, but it would still be another hour before she could return from New Athos.
He was pacing, debating calling Lorne or going to find the Major himself when Lorne turned up, finishing a conversation on his headset as he approached John.
"Colonel, we've run a sweep of the city - all life signs accounted for. We've locked down the gate to outgoing traffic, secured the jumper bay and critical areas, and increased patrols. I just spoke to Dr. Zelenka; he says the security footage has been tampered with, he's trying to restore it now. It looks like the attack was planned and personally motivated, sir."
John ran a hand through his hair, sighing. "Okay. Any information from the...from McKay's room?"
"The sergeant hasn't found the weapon or any useful trace evidence. It looks like the attack happened maybe ten minutes before you found him, and Gutierrez did say that Dr. McKay was conscious for at least some of it. He...he was trying to get to his radio, sir. Rodney dragged himself a few feet before the blood loss..."
John's fists clenched and Ronon growled, stalking across the length of the infirmary as if looking for Rodney's assailant to pop up at any moment - and relishing the opportunity.
"What else?"
"I spoke with Mr. Woolsey - he's against confining personnel to quarters, so we're keeping an eye on everyone's movements. Most of the city's sleeping, anyway, at least for the next few hours." Lorne cocked his head, listening to his radio. "Thank you, lieutenant."
"Sir, Zelenka's almost ready."
"Alright," John said. "I'll come with you. Ronon, can you stay here, make sure he's safe?"
At Ronon's nod John left, Lorne on his heels.
*****
When they arrived, Woolsey was already there, along with Zelenka and his security escort, Lt. Barnett.
"What have you got, Dr. Z?"
Zelenka looked up from his computer, startled. "Ah, Colonel. The original recording was not erased, as we first thought, but rather not recorded."
"Someone looped the footage?"
"Not that either, which turns out fortunately for us. The residential hall cameras were functional, just told not to record collected data for later use. Now, this being Ancient system, there is much redundancy - I found that the recordings were sent to the secondary backup even though they never appeared on primary." Zelenka grinned. "All I need is a security authorization to override and access backup data."
"Good work, Radek. You need me?"
"Yes. I have inputted initial information, just touch here," he said, indicating a palm pad on the right side of the security console, "and give your authorization."
John did so and watched as a stream of data began scrolling across the display.
"Right. Now request video feed data from camera 23 beginning today at 0240...good. Thank you, Colonel."
John stepped back and Dr. Zelenka tapped at the console, sending the video to the large screen suspended above it.
It was a long shot of the corridor, set high enough that the full hallway could be seen. Rodney's quarters were about three-quarters of the way down the hall on the left, one of only three rooms in that section but just off a transporter junction. Another hallway intersected it just before Rodney's door but on the opposite side.
As a pair of scientists came into view from around the corner past Rodney's quarters, John realized that the video was playing at about twice normal speed. Once they left the screen there was nothing for several minutes, John watching with increased tension as the time scrolled by in Ancient.
Then a woman appeared from the direction of the transporter, slim and light-haired. She walked right to Rodney's door, swiped her hand over the panel and walked in. Two minutes later she left, walking back up the hall; from this angle, he could clearly identify Dr. Lewis.
She had tried to kill Rodney? But why?
Woolsey made a shocked exclamation, and John turned only to see him staring back at John. They were all staring at John, Radek's mouth hanging open and Lorne's face utterly unreadable, the Lieutenant looking unaccountably nervous.
"Colonel?" Lorne asked.
"Send a security team." Out of the corner of his eye, John watched himself entering the room, then the medical team flying down the hall as they responded to John's distress call.
Woolsey cleared his throat. "I don't think that will be necessary. Major Lorne, if you and the Leiutenant would escort the Colonel?"
"Wait," John said. "Escort me where? You need to send security immediately, she -"
"Colonel, please, calm down."
"Calm...? What the hell is going on?" Lorne and Lt. Barnett both took a step toward him, Barnett with gun in hand, and John immediately took a step back. "Major, what are you doing?"
Lorne held one hand up, the other resting on his holstered weapon. "Sir, I need you to -"
John gestured to the screen. "Didn't you see -"
"I did, sir, so just -"
"It wasn't me, that's when I found him. I was -"
"Twice, sir? No one else entered the room, just you." Lorne took another step forward. "Don't move, sir," he said as he drew his weapon, "Just stay there."
"You and Rodney were arguing," Woolsey said, "You have been for weeks now. Things just -"
"Wait," John said, "just wait one damn minute - that wasn't...I didn't...I went there and he was dying, bleeding out. How could you think that I had anything to do with this?"
"Things just got out of hand," said Woolsey, continuing as if John hadn't said anything, "You were angry, I'm sure you didn't mean it. You left, what? To dispose of the weapon? But afterwards you came back, you wanted to save him."
"Look, I don't know what you think you saw, but I am telling you - hold on." John put his hands up, gesturing 'back off' as he caught Dr. Zelenka's eye. "Radek, what did you see?"
"You, Colonel. Just you."
He started to tell Zelenka to replay the video but he stopped, feeling suddenly sick, as everything clicked into place. Dr. Lewis and that goddamned planet and what he had seen - had thought he'd seen - when Rodney... "Oh God," he whispered. They steal our Bodies to walk among Us, and only the One shall see the deception.
Needing a moment of distraction, he had Atlantis send a burst of audio feedback. Quickly disarming Barnett and pushing him out of the way and into Lorne, John holstered the gun and ran, turning off the lights and telling the door to lock behind him. Hopefully that would buy him enough time, since they couldn't radio out over the squeal of the room's audio and Zelenka would have to convince the door to open.
He pounded down the halls, thoughts spinning, desperate to get to Rodney before she could try again. He passed two Marines on patrol but they didn't try to stop him, one calling out, "Sir?"
"As you were," he shouted over his shoulder, detouring around the main arteries in case Lorne managed to send out an alert. He trailed his fingertips along the wall as he ran, thinking, I'm invisible, I'm invisible, you can't see me, I'm invisible...
Next he tapped his radio to the team channel, calling out, "Ronon?"
"Yeah?"
"Get to the security room, quickly."
Ronon didn't question it, just clicked his radio and took off - John saw the back of him disappear just as John was approaching from the other direction. He slowed to a walk, closing and locking the infirmary doors as soon as he was through.
"Hey, Marie, any word?"
"Oh, Colonel Sheppard, you're back." Marie smiled, pointing towards one of the private rooms. "They just finished, Dr. Keller is just making sure he's settled if you'd like to talk to her."
"Thanks a lot," he said, walking quickly across the infirmary.
Jennifer was making a notation on Rodney's chart when he entered. Rodney was either sleeping or still sedated; he looked pale and worn. "Hey, Doc, how's our patient?"
"Very lucky. The gash in his stomach was deep - we had to repair some internal damage before we could close it up with stitches, and he was also slashed higher on his chest as well as on his forearm and upper thigh. He lost a lot of blood, but as long as we're mindful of infection and strain, he should make a full recovery."
John squeezed her shoulder in reassurance. "You did great work, Jennifer. Thank you."
"Any word on who did this?"
"Not yet, Zelenka's working on it. Um, Marie said to send you out if you were finished here...I think she needs some help with a new patient."
"Oh," she said, surprised. Seeming to shake off her fatigue, she glanced back at Rodney, saying, "You can sit with him for a few minutes, but that's all. He needs quiet rest."
As soon as she left he locked the door, then twisted the blinds closed. He hesitated when he pulled the covers off of Rodney, revealing his bandages, but he had to make sure they were somewhere safe before he could convince Lorne and the others and get them to find Dr. Lewis. John detached the IVs and monitors, dragging Rodney carefully into the wheelchair he had pulled alongside the bed.
Please, John thought, don't let me be ripping his stitches.
Grabbing what supplies he could find and piling them on Rodney's lap, he ignored Dr. Keller's pounding on the doors, wheeling him through the bathroom and the adjoining door into the next private room, then out that door and through the little-used back infirmary entrance before anyone realized he'd gone.
Once out of the infirmary he wheeled Rodney quickly though the corridors, telling Atlantis that Rodney was invisible too, really he was, and asking her to mess with a few non-essential systems to buy him some time. He was never sure how well requests like that worked, however, so he kept going, finally ending up in a little-used corridor that had seemingly only one door.
He and Ronon had discovered a hidden room here months ago while on a run, John managing to activate the panel completely by accident. They had immediately commed Rodney, and been disappointed to learn that whatever had been concealed there previously was gone, leaving nothing more exciting than an empty room that only John could open. There had never been an official report filed, though, so as far as John knew no one would ever think to look for them there.
At Rodney's suggestion, John had been keeping some supplies there in the event of some emergency in the city; he was glad of them now. John quickly set up the inflatable mattresses, stacking them one on top of the other before unzipping a sleeping bag and laying it on top. He positioned Rodney's chair close by, lifted him, and carefully laid him on the bed, checking the wounds as best he could before unzipping another bag and spreading it over the injured man.
With Rodney settled, he quickly set up the laptop, Ancient scanner, and radios. The lifesigns detector showed no one anywhere near their location - not even themselves. Thank you, he mentally sent to Atlantis. Relatively certain that they were safe for the time being, John took stock of what he had.
He was worst off in the area of medical supplies, though he had a good first aid kit plus the drugs and IVs which he had taken from Rodney's room. Hopefully, they wouldn't be here too long - if they were, John would have to find some way to get back into the infirmary. Of course, if Rodney got an infection...
Well, John told himself, he won't.
Setting some of his equipment down beside the bed, John found his stash of MREs and water and ate something that tasted nothing like it but would have to pass for breakfast. It was almost dawn, and the city would be waking soon.
Debating his next move, John settled in against a wall with his radio. Setting it to the channel that he and Lorne shared - normally something he thought was a waste, but right now something he was incredibly grateful for - he said, "Major Lorne. Evan, if you can hear me, get somewhere private and let me know. I'll wait."
He didn't hear anything back right away, so John checked on Rodney, giving him some pain meds before returning to his spot against the wall and just watching the man breathe. God, he'd been so stupid, and all this time...
The radio squawked. "Colonel?"
"Here."
"Due respect, sir, but Christ. What the hell?"
John chuckled. "Not that I doubt you after that, Evan, but I need you to tell me something. Something only you and I would know."
"O...kay..." Lorne stretched the word out, either giving himself time to think or letting his CO know that he thought he was nuts. Possibly both. "Um. Last Tuesday, we decided to send Lt. Bainbridge home. Everyone else thinks it's a promotion, but...
"If he'd stayed out here any longer he would have gotten his team killed."
"Yeah," Lorne said quietly. He paused for a moment, then: "Sir, all hell's broken loose, and we're two lifesigns short - Woolsey was thinking murder-suicide. Mind telling me what's going on?"
"I didn't attack Rodney, and I didn't have time to explain what was going on - I had to get him safe."
"You couldn't just secure the infirmary? Because Dr. Keller's throwing a fit, not to mention Ronon and Teyla."
John winced. "Yeah, well. No one's going to find us until this is over. He's resting comfortably, but I'd be happier if you could solve this from your end rather than me crawling through the ducts or anything."
"If you've got an explanation I'd sure as hell like to hear it, sir."
"It was Dr. Lewis. See if you can locate her, quietly...there are no lifesigns in her quarters, so she's somewhere else. If you can't find her, that's where things get tricky."
"I can send someone to look, sir, but that doesn't tell me why I shouldn't be hunting you down."
"When you saw that recording, you saw me. I saw her. The second time, that was me, but the first - the attacker - was Dr. Lewis."
"Invasion of the body snatchers?" Lorne asked skeptically.
"Remember P6J-497?"
There was a long pause, and John could almost hear Lorne's brain first trying to remember the planet and then short-cutting it by factoring Dr. Lewis' involvement, and then -
"Well, shit, sir."
"Exactly. After that whole disaster, Rodney assigned the tech we recovered to Dr. Lewis. He thought it might not be good for her to dwell on it, considering what happened on the planet, but that quack Dr. Bessette thought it would be therapeutic and give her back 'control', whatever the hell that's supposed to mean. God, she must have been self-destructing all along and he never saw it - none of us saw it. I think she figured out what one of the devices was meant for from the texts and used it the way it was intended: They steal our Bodies to walk among Us, and only the One shall see the deception. That wasn't about the Wraith or the Deceivers at all, Lorne, the cult and all that nonsense..."
"She took on your appearance. Not your physical self."
"Right. And when you look, everyone else sees the illusion. Everyone except the person she's impersonating."
"We saw you," Lorne said slowly, comprehension dawning, "and you saw her."
"Yes. But she's not going to be masquerading as me now, so either you find her as herself or -"
"She's one of us. Sir, how do we figure out who she is? All we know is that she's not you or McKay. Hell, she could even be me, as long as she stays out of my way."
"You might be a little too high profile for her, unless she's desperate. You radio one of the Marines from the control room and then a minute later you're in a different part of the city? They'll notice. Of course, she just needs to fake it long enough to get out of the room...next second, she's someone else."
"Can she just keep changing?"
John sighed. "I have no idea how the device works, or which one it even is, but we have to assume that she can. See if you can clear Zelenka and one Marine - get them to her lab, lock them in, see if he can figure out what's going on."
"I'll do that first, sir. You think you could tell Atlantis to lay off, though? Now that - hold on..." There was silence for a few seconds. "I have another situation to deal with. Si...er, sergeant, thank you for the information. Keep looking."
Lorne clicked off, so John figured he was on his own for a while. He glanced at the lifesigns detector, still clear, and debated the merits of letting Ronon and Teyla in on what was going on. Pulling up the city schematics on the data pad, he tried to figure out where Dr. Lewis would go, who she would try to be. Unfortunately, her deciding to kill someone else and passing as them until she could either get away or do whatever it was she wanted to accomplish by impersonating John and trying to kill Rodney seemed the likeliest option. If they made a citywide announcement, would she panic? Would that be worse than trying to hunt her down covertly, hoping she didn't kill anyone because they didn't know to be afraid?
Unsettled, John clicked his radio over to the team channel. "Ronon?"
There was silence for a moment before Teyla answered. "John. Ronon is...not pleased that you have deceived him, and I am angered as well. What have you done with Rodney? Is he -"
"He's fine. Will be fine." John turned to glance at Rodney...and froze. "Shit. Um, have to go."
John dropped the radio into his lap and raised his hands in surrender. "Rodney..."
Rodney was half-sitting on the bed, one hand wrapped around his stomach and the other around the gun he was pointing at John's head.
"Call...Woolsey. Or...Lorne. Now. Tell him...where...we are..." Rodney was panting with the effort of sitting up, of speaking, but when John shifted towards him he called out, "Don't!"
The gun never wavered.
"I'll shoot you...you...son'v...bitch."
"I know, I know you would," John placated. "I was just trying to help."
"Help me...into...m' grave." Rodney moved his hand slightly, hissing in pain.
"No, Rodney, Jesus. Look, it wasn't me, okay? I didn't hurt you, it just looked like me. You've seen enough whacky Pegasus stuff to know that it didn't have to be me...I just want to help you, alright? You need to lay down. I won't hurt you, Rodney. I would never hurt you."
"Did."
"No, I said it wasn't me, I -"
"Hate me. Left. Don'...love me."
"Lay down, Rodney. Please. Let me check your stitches."
"No. Can't..trust..."
"You can, Rodney, I swear. It was a mistake. Please, you're going to hurt yourself. I can explain what happened, okay? Just let me -"
A loud banging startled them both and John flinched, then cursed as he grabbed at his side, pain and adrenaline both shooting through his body. Seeing Rodney's look of shock and horror, John quickly grabbed the gun from his lax fingers, pushing the other man back down gently, one-handed. "It's okay, Rodney, it's okay," John soothed. "You barely got me."
"Sheppard!"
John rolled his eyes at Ronon's roar and the renewed banging, saying, "Guess the cavalry found us."
"Got us shot," he added as he crossed the room, "but found us."
Checking the lifesigns detector to make sure it was only the two of them, John picked up his radio and said, "Prove it's you or I'm not letting you in."
He then pulled off his shirt and shuffled over to the first aid kit, grabbing some gauze and pressing it to his wound, listening with half an ear as Teyla mentioned something from their first meeting and Ronon the last ridiculous and unreported off-world ceremony they'd had to participate in.
John politely asked Atlantis to add the rest of his team to the ranks of invisibility, watching their biosigns disappear before he opened the panel.
"Ronon, Teyla. Let me explain..."
*****
Teyla tended to Rodney, making sure that he hadn't torn his stitches and giving him some more medication. John reluctantly allowed Ronon to patch him up, flinching when the man was less than gentle. "You're pissed, I get it, move on."
"You didn't trust me. Any of us."
"I couldn't. She could have been any one of you, she could have been Keller or Marie...all it would have taken was one second, someone we thought was safe, and she'd have finished the job. If you had captured me he would have been completely vulnerable."
"Whatever." Ronon shrugged, but John knew that he was thinking it over.
"We need a password," Teyla said as she approached. "Ronon and I should go back to help Major Lorne, now that we know what is happening. It would be easier to know we are ourselves with a simple word or phrase."
"We should have several," Ronon said, "a new one each time. Safer."
"Yes, that is a good plan. Colonel?"
"Hmm?" John said, watching Rodney sleep. "Yes, absolutely. But he really should be in the infirmary, so let's get going...I'll give you ten minutes to get back to a more populated area, then I'll tell Atlantis she can see you again. Hopefully no one will have noticed where you dropped off the grid earlier."
They agreed on four sets of phrases for identification, then left, Teyla pressing her forehead quickly to John's as she went, saying, "All will be well, John. You'll see."
"Good luck," he called, watching them disappear down the hallway even as the detector told him that there had never been anyone there in the first place.
*****
"She killed Lt. Astor, sir."
"When?" John asked.
"About an hour ago, when I was speaking to you. We've managed to keep it quiet...only a few of us know. I don't think we were supposed to find the body for a while - we only noticed because we've been keeping such a close eye on the lifesigns, sir. Sgt. Campbell noticed that there were two, then one, so when that one left we checked out Astor's quarters."
"She doesn't know we know?"
"I don't believe so, sir. I told Ronon and Teyla as soon as they...returned...and they're trying to find her as Astor right now."
John sighed. "She might not look like him. We don't know what she's after."
"I know, Colonel, but that's our best lead for now."
"All right, thanks for the update. I feel useless hidden away here, but -"
"You just keep McKay going. And remember that when this is over, you'll have to face Keller."
"Oh, thanks a lot, Major."
"I try, sir."
John clicked off, walking back over to the bed. He wished he could sleep, too, but if he did there would be no one to keep watch - or keep Rodney drugged. As if on cue, Rodney stirred and blinked, eyes widening when they focused on John. He shrank away, hands scrabbling for something to protect himself with.
Even though he understood the reaction, it hurt.
"Hey, hey, it's okay, Rodney. You're fine. Everything's fine, you're safe."
"Get away from me."
"No can do, buddy. You're stuck with me."
Rodney's eyes darted around the room, some of the tension seeming to leave his body as he realized where he was. "Shot you?"
"Grazed. It was an accident."
"You said...it wasn't you."
"Because it wasn't. I...it's my fault, though."
John reached out, fingertips brushing across the hair at Rodney's forehead. Rodney closed his eyes at the caress, a small smile on his face.
"I'm so sorry, Rodney. I was...stupid, and I caused us both a lot of pain." John leaned in to press a gentle kiss on Rodney's cheek. "It just hurt so much, I couldn't even talk to you about it. I was scared of what I might say."
Rodney looked at him curiously. "What...?"
"Sarah Lewis. She used one of the devices she'd been studying to look like me, just like the goddamned natives said. I saw her...with you. Kissing you. To the person she's imitating, she just looks like herself."
"You thought I was...oh God, I thought she was you? And you saw us?"
John shrugged. "I was so mad, I just..."
"I love you," Rodney blurted out. "When you stabbed me -"
"When she stabbed you," John interrupted.
"Right, well, when she stabbed me, she asked why I couldn't just love her and I'm lying there on the floor, bleeding to death -"
"You're alive."
Rodney glared. "Bleeding almost to death, and all I can think is how wrong you are - she is, I mean."
Rodney placed his hand over John's, tangling their fingers together. "It's always been you."
"I know," John said, raising their joined hands to kiss Rodney's, "that's why it hurt so much."
"I would never -"
"I know. I love you. I trust you. And from now on," John said with a slight frown, "I'll talk it out with you, even when it's hard."
"Wow," Rodney said. "Are you sure I'm not dead? Because this is..."
"Hey, you recently nearly bled to death. Don't make me smack you."
"I take it from our luxurious accommodations that we haven't caught her yet?"
"Closing in. But she has the advantage of being a chameleon."
"They'll find her."
"Yeah," John said, "they will."
*****
It was two hours and another body before they caught her, holding one of the Marines guarding the ZPM room as a hostage against the other to gain access, screaming about how they'd all be together, if they'd just let her kill them. Mr. Woolsey had wanted to try to talk her down, but Ronon just stunned Dr. Lewis and the sergeant both.
Once the all clear was given, John took Rodney back to the infirmary where he was roundly scolded until he lifted his shirt to show his own injuries, at which point John was poked and prodded and stitched up and almost - almost - wished to go back to the yelling.
John was released only an hour later, though he hangs around anyway and spends most of his time over the next two days with Rodney, under the watchful eye of the infirmary staff. They still manage to get a lot said, their weeks of bitterness and anger fading away as they realize that it had been beyond their control, right from the start: Rodney knowing that he hadn't cheated and John knowing that he had, with both of them being right. And wrong. Even if John had accused him, had said flat out that he had seen Rodney with another woman, Rodney wouldn't have understood.
Sarah never speaks again; not to explain herself, not to plead for mercy, not for anything. Dr. Bessette finally concedes that, perhaps, she had been more damaged than he realized by her experience off-world. Mr. Woolsey sends him back on the next Daedalus run - ostensibly to escort Dr. Lewis to the SGC and a secure facility, but he never returns.
Three weeks later, Rodney is officially cleared for duty. The team celebrates with a trip to New Athos, somewhere they can all relax and enjoy their last evening off. As the fire burns low and the chill creeps in, Rodney edges closer and closer to John, ignoring propriety and plausible deniability in favor of warmth.
"Happy now?" John asks, yawning, as he slings an arm around Rodney to draw him closer still.
"Yeah. I am."