Fic: Green Soup and Hearts (Emmagan/Lorne, G)

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Title: Green Soup and Hearts
Author: squeakyoflight
Recipient: For smaragdbird.
Pairing: Evan Lorne/Teyla Emmagan
Rating: G
Disclaimer: None
Author's Notes: Beta'd by my fabulous beta. She knows her fabulousness. Smaragdbird, this story tickled me to write. I hope you like it.
Summary: Unrequited love is a most painful affliction.

-o-

It started about three days after their trip to PX-74.

The locals had made them a soup for dinner. It was a delicacy, apparently--something rare and saved for only the most special of occasions. It had smelled funny and the greenish-gray colour had been somewhat off-putting, but David Parrish, their botanist, had been looking at the plant only that morning and thought it was probably okay.

Corporal Blair Kauffman and Lieutenant Laura Cadman had immediately tucked in, soldiers never needing to be told twice to eat. But Major Evan Lorne had...hesitated.

In retrospect, he probably knew, on some level that there was something weird with the soup. But at that moment he hesitated only because the soup's strange colour insulted his artistic sensibilities. And if it smelled like old socks, it most likely wasn't going to taste much better.

But he was team leader, and the highest ranking member of the Atlantis expedition visiting the locals at the moment, and the villagers on Px-74 were really nice. So Evan had taken a big gulp, trying to not breathe through his nose.

And really, the taste hadn't been so bad, and the villagers were really happy, so in the end it seemed like a good idea at the time.

Three days later, not so much.

Evan woke up way too early in the morning, feeling like his head was trying to explode through his eyeballs.

He'd never been prone to headaches. Sure he'd had some, and yes he'd been hit on the head more than once. And being hit with a Zat gun really sucked, but it didn't hold a candle to a Wraith stunner which, up until that very second, had been the worst thing that had ever happened to his skull.

But right now? He'd beg for a Wraith stunner to knock him out to get away from this pain.

Fumbling blind for the radio on his nightstand, he managed to jam it into his ear and turn it on.

"Medical emergency," he croaked.

"Major Lorne?" Sergeant Campbell replied with an excellent sense of urgency. "Where's the emergency?"

"My room," Evan said, leaned over the side of the bed and promptly threw up.

He woke an indeterminate time later in sick bay.

"Och! You gave all of us quite the scare, Major!" Dr. Carson Beckett exclaimed brightly as he peered down at him over the railing of the medical bed.

"Sorry," Evan mumbled. His headache had died down to something less vicious than it was before, but it was still distractingly painful. He rubbed at his temples.

"Headache still bothering you, yeah?" Carson asked. "You were holding your head so hard when you were brought in that I had to sedate you to get your hands away from your temples." He shook his head. "The crying was heartbreaking."

"Great." Evan frowned

"Never mind," Carson said, patting him on the shoulder. "You seem to be doing better now and I'm sure you'll be right as rain in no time!"

"I hope," Evan sighed and lay back down. He did feel better than he had before, but the pain and undercurrent of nausea that it brought with it was still too much for him to want to get out of bed.

Plus, he had an IV in his hand, which was always inconvenient.

"The IV is just to rehydrate you after all your vomiting last night," Carson explained. "It was quite impressive."

Evan winced at the mental image of him crying sobbing and now vomiting all over the place.

"Great," Evan said again.

Carson shrugged. "It is what it is. That's why we have rotating clean-up duties." He grinned.

Evan tried to smile back, but he knew it was more of a grimace.

"At least I'm feeling better-" he started.

And then Laura Cadman walked in.

"Hi Major, Carson," she said, offering both men an easy smile. She was out of uniform with her long red hair shining down to her shoulders. And--Evan found himself squinting--was she wearing makeup?

"Hello Lt. Cadman," Carson stammered, and all at once, Evan felt it.

It was like a wave of longing and love and a bit of lust rolling off the other man as he looked at Evan's 2IC.

And Cadman's emotions were rolling right back.

And suddenly Evan felt like someone had put his head in a blender and hit 'liquefy'.

Without being aware of what he was doing, Evan yanked the IV out of his hand and vaulted over the side of the bed. He landed hard on his knees on the floor, clutching his head with his forearms.

"Major!" Carson leaned over him as Cadman did the same. Their arms touched and the frisson of unrequited desire cranked up Evan's pain to the point that he felt he was going blind.

Evan scrambled to his feet and ran.

The pain lessened the farther away he got from Carson and Cadman, to the point where it had subsided to a dull roar by the time he was half-way to the control centre. The sudden drop of agony left him feeling both off-kilter and a little embarrassed about how he'd fled the infirmary.

He thought about going back, but then shuddered. What if Cadman was still there?

He walked into the control centre.

"Hey Lorne," Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard said, looking up from whatever thing he and Dr. Rodney McKay were investigating. "Aren't you a little out of uniform?" He raised an eyebrow.

Evan blushed, realizing that he was still in the white scrubs worn by all Atlantis patients, and his feet were completely bare. Before he could figure out something appropriate to respond, McKay spoke up.

"Aren't you kind of dying from some off-world poisoning?" he said. His eyes widened and he took a step back. "You're not contagious, are you?"

"I'm not contagious," Evan said. He was sure of that. Well, nearly sure. "I just..." He hesitated. How could he explain his sudden flight?

"Needed some air?" Sheppard suggested helpfully.

"Needed some clothes?" McKay added sarcastically.

"Yeah," Evan said to both. He sighed.

"So, you're not looking so bad now," Sheppard said, moving closer. "But maybe you should be back in sick bay? Unless you like hanging out with your CO. In your pajamas."

Evan blushed again. It must look like he was losing his mind. "It's the headache," he said lamely, gesturing vaguely at his head. "It's messing me up. A little."

"Well don't be messed up around here." McKay said, waving him away. "Sick bay awaits. Chop chop!"

"I agree with McKay," Sheppard said, both eyebrows up.

"Okay," Evan said, and turned to go, just as Dr. Jennifer Keller came jogging up.

"Major!" she exclaimed, coming straight to him. There was a syringe very badly hidden in one of her hands. "Dr. Beckett wants you to come back to sick bay immediate--oh, hi, Rodney."

McKay turned towards her, a faint pink colour appearing on his cheeks. "Hi, Jennifer."

And suddenly Evan was on his knees again, bent double with his head in his arms. Keller and McKay's mutual longing stabbed into his temples like flaming swords.

"What the hell?" he heard Sheppard cry from somewhere behind him, and felt Keller's small hands gripping his shoulders. He heard someone call a medical emergency, and someone else was rubbing his back.

It was McKay, who was standing too close to Keller, and they were pining for each other, and Evan thought his head was going to explode.

"No," he gasped, and pushed away from them and their terrible, painful yearning for each other.

He stood, leaning against the control panel, one hand pressed to his forehead.

"Major?" Keller said, taking a step towards him, one hand out, the other still not-hiding the syringe, clearly fearful he'd bolt again. McKay moved close to her again, and she glanced at him out of the corner of her eye-

"Stop!" Evan shouted. "Don't get closer to her! Don't look at her! Just stay where you are!"

Of course, McKay and Keller immediately looked at each other. "What?" McKay said.

Evan groaned as the pain ratcheted up with their eye-contact. "Stop," he moaned. He took a step back.

Which was exactly when the rest of Sheppard's team showed up.

"What's the problem?" Specialist Ronan Dex muttered coming to stand by Sheppard, gun drawn.

"Lorne's freaking out," Sheppard said, mouth thin. "We need to get him back to sick bay."

"Having your gun drawn will not help," Teyla Emmagan said. Her voice was like cool water and Evan almost sagged with the small amount of relief it brought.

"Yeah," Sheppard said to Dex. "put the gun away, big boy." And then he put his hand on Dex's shoulder.

And pain just exploded through Evan.

He struck the ground hard and curled into himself. He thought he might be whimpering but he couldn't be sure where exactly the noise was coming from.

"It's okay," Keller said, slipping something sharp and cool into his deltoid, "we'll help you."

And then everything when blissfully dark.

He woke up in sick bay again, with stubble on his chin and the pain in his head pounding in time with his heartbeat.

"-not sure what the problem is," he heard Carson say to someone. "The pain seems to increase the more people are around, but so far we can't find any organic cause for it."

"Is he allergic to something?" And that was Sheppard's voice. "Like McKay's deodorant or something?"

"Like I said," Carson said, "there doesn't seem to be an organic cause. We've checked for allergens and-"

"He's awake," Keller said, and he felt her hand on his shoulder. "Major? Can you hear me?"

Evan nodded. He cleared his throat trying to remove some of the dryness.

"Here," she said, and held a straw for him to drink.

He drank, feeling the liquid pass blissfully down his throat. "Thanks," he croaked.

"How're you feeling?" Sheppard asked, coming to the side of Evan's bed.

"Okay," Evan said. His head still hurt, but it was much, much less than it'd been before. He moved himself to a sitting position with Keller helping. "How long was I out?"

"Over twelve hours," Carson said. He was looking at Evan with blatant concern in his eyes.

Evan exhaled sharply. "Whoa."

"Yeah," Sheppard agreed. "But you're feeling better?"

"Yes-" Evan started, when the rest of Sheppard's team came in.

"Sheppard," McKay said, staring at his tablet, "I wanted you to look at this."

"Hi Rodney," Keller said at the same time that Dex greeted Sheppard.

It felt like a rollercoaster just blasted through Evan's brain. Dex was dying for Sheppard, who was equally as infatuated. Keller and McKay both wanted each other so much that it felt like ice picks being driven through Evan's eyeballs.

Only Teyla: cool, calm Teyla, was like a pool of deep water in the middle of a raging firestorm. But her presence wasn't enough to keep the terrible pain at bay.

Evan took off.

He had no idea how he managed to get out of the sick bay bed and down the hallway, but he ran towards the hangar with only a vague idea of taking a Puddle Jumper to the Mainland and living in a cave until either the pain went away or he died, whichever came first. At that moment he really wasn't picky.

"Major?" Elizabeth Weir, the expedition leader, called to him as he half-ran, half-staggered by. She was standing with Kate Heightmeyer, a shade too close for professionalism, and once again Evan could feel the incredible longing pouring off the two women. And once again the pain was unbelievable.

"No," Evan gasped, holding his hands up in front of him to ward the two women away. Of course they started to follow him, so he ducked into the first open doorway.

It was the cafeteria. And, it was lunch time, so the place was packed.

Evan staggered in, lurching to a stop near the middle of the room. People were everywhere: waiting in line for food; sitting at tables talking to one another; bussing their trays. A few turned towards him, eyes questioning as they took in his disheveled appearance and hospital scrubs.

Dr. David Parrish was closest to him, Dr. Katie Brown beside him. "Evan?" David asked. Katie put her hand on David's arm. The gesture was full of comfort and reassurance, and that same terrible, painful longing.

Evan's world exploded into pain again. He and turned to get away from the pining not-couple.

Weir and Heightmeyer had followed him into the cafeteria. Sheppard, McKay, Dex, Keller, and Carson were behind them.

And blissfully, calmly, Teyla was also there. Like a balm for a wound.

Cadman, who was in the cafeteria already, stood up.

"Major!" Sheppard shouted.

"Carson?" Cadman said.

"You need to get back to sick bay, lad!' Carson cried, coming towards him.

"No!" Evan shouted.

"Ye must!" Carson said, his accent thicker as he approached. "Whatever it is that's bothering ye, it's getting worse!"

"Major!" Sheppard barked at him. "Get your ass back to sick bay!" Dex was standing way too close to him. The pain was unbearable.

"No!" Evan shouted again.

"Get down from there!" Sheppard barked again.

Evan looked down. He was standing on one of the tables. When had he climbed on one of the tables?

"Please," Heightmeyer said, clearly using her counsellor voice. "Evan, you need help." Weir was near her, radiating love and unrequited affection.

In fact, everywhere Evan looked, everywhere he felt, there were people pining for each other.

Sheppard and Dex.

Weir and Heightmeyer.

Carson and Cadman.

Keller and McKay.

And also some random members of the expedition that, of course, were having lunch together without ever expression their deepest desires. Except for the sickening pounding in Evan's head.

Only Teyla wasn't blowing up his brain with her longing. She was an oasis in a burning desert, and he wanted to just collapse into her. Her large brown eyes were regarding him with sympathy.

"Stop!" he bellowed, hands thrust out to where Sheppard and Dex were attempting to mount an attack on his tabletop position.

"You need help," Sheppard said. Dex grunted in agreement, his gun out and kind of pointed at Evan.

"You'll infect us all!" McKay cried. He was standing behind Keller, his hands at her waist. She clearly didn't mind.

"Sir," Cadman pleaded.

"Evan," Weir commanded.

"Enough!" Evan yelled.

Everyone stopped.

"Look," Evan said, he could feel his control slipping as the waves of desire! Love! Longing! rolled over him. "You guys need to sort all of this out. It's killing me!"

Carson looked at him. "What?"

"This--this pining you have going on!" Evan said. "Like, you and Cadman! You're crazy about each other! Or,"--he turned to Sheppard--"you and Dex, or you and Kate!" He pointed at Weir and the woman standing next to her. "Or you and McKay," he added to Keller and the scientist. "And even David and Katie!" The two botanists looked up when their names were called, their faces holding identical expressions of surprise. "It's killing me!"

"He is not delusional," Teyla said, stepping closer to the table. She was focused on him, but her words were directed at the others. "Tell me, Major Lorne, what did you consume with the Innis People?"

"Soup," Evan croaked. "They fed us soup."

"Was it green?" she asked. "With an unpleasant colour and smell?"

"Yeah," Evan nodded. He had slipped to one knee on the table. He pant leg was smeared with leftover meatloaf.

"He has eaten of the Amare plant," Teyla said. "It conveys the power of sensing those who are suffering from affection when the object of their desires is unaware."

"What?" McKay's voice was incredulous. "He's like, an empath for unrequited crushes?"

Teyla nodded, but her gaze never left Evan's. "In a word, yes."

"But I ate that soup," Cadman said. "And I'm not a crush-barometer."

"You also don't have the ATA gene," Sheppard said. He had moved back from the table but was still eyeing Evan warily. "That's it, isn't it?" he said to no one in particular. "Lorne got this power because of his gene."

"I suspect so," Teyla agreed. "It is an extremely rare affliction."

"How long will it last?" Evan gasped. He was clutching his head.

"I do not know." Teyla frowned. "But from what I understand, your discomfort will ease when the affection is no longer so one-sided."

"So," Dex grunted. "The Major needs us to what? Tell the objects of our affection that we like them to feel better?"

"I believe so, yes."

"Huh," Dex said, and then he grabbed Sheppard by his lapels, and kissed him.

"I guess if it's going to help..." Heightmeyer said, before turning to Weir. "I just wanted to tell you that I've loved you for forever. "

Cadman had leapt into Carson's arms and was kissing him like Dex was going to take all the kisses if she didn't.

David and Katie were holding hands, and even McKay had made a declaration of some sort to Keller. He was blushing madly and she was smiling from ear to ear.

And the relief Evan felt was so immense; the sudden, total absence of pain was so complete that-

He woke up in the infirmary. Again.

He winced, waiting for the throbbing of agony that had been part of his every waking moment for the last couple of days, but there was...nothing.

Slowly, he sat up. He felt normal, good. Better than good. He felt great. He felt his face split into a grin. Then he frowned. His mouth tasted awful.

As if reading his mind, Carson appeared with a toothbrush, toothpaste and a kidney basin. He handed them over to Evan, smiling broadly.

"I assume by your bright smile that you're doing much better today," Carson said.

Evan grinned back. "I feel great, Doc. Better than I have for a while." He started brushing his teeth, enjoying the complete lack of nausea.

"Well, that's good news," Carson said. "You certainly had us going."

Evan grimaced. "Sorry for taking off on you like that. A few times."

Carson waved him off. "Och. I understand. Teyla was telling us how much pain you would've been in from that nasty soup. It's no wonder that you wouldn't want to be around us lovesick fools!"

"Yeah." Evan nodded in agreement. "The pain was awful."

"I can only imagine," Carson patted his shoulder. "But I can't say I'm unhappy for it. Your illness certainly brought a lot of joy to a lot of people."

Evan raised his eyebrows. "Really? I mean, I remember what I said and everything, but everyone was happy to be outed to their crush?"

Carson was grinning again. "I think so, Laddie. I know Laura and I certainly were. Who knew that she'd been pining for me as long as I'd been pining after her?" He made a rueful expression. "Who knows how long it might've taken if you hadn't eaten that soup?"

Evan spit the last of his toothpaste into the basin, feeling one-hundred per-cent better with a clean mouth. "Glad I could help."

"Me too, Laddie," Carson said. "Me too."

Sheppard gave him the next two shifts off.

Sheppard pretended that it was just so Evan could 'completely recover from his ordeal,' but Evan figured it was a kind of thank you for him helping Sheppard and Dex get together.

Weir was so happy to have finally found out Heigthmeyer's feelings for her that she had given everyone else the day off, too, and it was like a spontaneous Valentine's Day on Atlantis. Even people that Evan hadn't felt longing for each other had approached the object of their affections. It was like Atlantis had become an Ancient version of the Love Boat and Evan couldn't be sad that he'd had a little to do with it. Horrible headaches notwithstanding.

He was relaxing in his room, easel and paints out and contemplating the colours he wanted to use for a sunset, when his door chimed.

Teyla was on the other side.

"Teyla!" he exclaimed happily. While he liked all the members of Sheppard's reconnaissance team, he freely admitted that Teyla was his favourite. And it wasn't just her beauty, either. He loved her confidence and her competence and her subtle sense of humour. "Come in."

"Thank you," she said with a graceful bow of her head as she came in.

"So," Evan smiled at her. "To what do I owe this pleasure?"

"I was hoping to discuss with you the events of the past few days," she said.

"Sure," Evan said. He gestured towards the small couch propped up against the far wall of his room. His quarters weren't as big as Sheppard's, but as 2IC he did okay.

She sat, and then uncharacteristically didn't meet his gaze.

Evan sat on the edge of his bed, facing her. "So," he said after the silence had started feeling uncertain. "What can I help you with?"

"How aware are you of Athosian culture?"

Evan blinked. He wasn't sure how her question related to his love-potion poisoning, but being with Teyla was always worthwhile. "I'm okay, I guess," he said. "I'm sure I don't know it as well as Dr. Corrigan or Weir, but I could probably get by without embarrassing myself too much." He smiled as he said it, but Teyla's expression was still serious. He cleared his throat. "Why. Did I do something wrong?"

"Not at all." Teyla shook her head. "I was just wondering what you might know." She was sitting with her feet curled up underneath her, and she was still more interested in the couch's armrest than she was in making eye contact. All of which was not like the Teyla he knew.

Evan frowned. "Are you looking for me to list what I know?"

Teyla licked her lips, which was, Evan could admit, slightly distracting. "Perhaps?"

Evan blinked again. "Is there any topic you'd like me to start with?"

Teyla met his gaze briefly and then dropped her eyes again. "Any topic you would like," she murmured.

He paused. "I thought you wanted to talk to me about what happened after I ate that soup."

"That may be part of it," she said cryptically.

Evan thought back over the last couple of days. It was a haze of excruciating pain punctuated by moments of powerful nausea and blissful unconsciousness and the intense frustration of being held hostage by other people's emotions.

"You were the only one that didn't hurt," he said finally. "Everyone else, all of them, were so desperately in love with someone else, and their feelings of longing was what was so incredibly painful. But you..." He moved to try to get Teyla to meet his eyes. "With you it was different. It was quiet. Peaceful."

She smiled. "I'm glad I could offer you that, Major Lorne."

"Please, call me Evan," he said. "I'd really like that."

She nodded, but dropped her gaze again. "Perhaps, soon." She flicked his eyes to his.

That was also cryptic. Evan tilted his head, considering. "So," he said slowly, "you wanted to talk to me about Athosian culture, and my poisoning? Do they have something in common?"

"I think unrequited love is a constant over all cultures, do you not?"

And then the penny dropped. He started to smile.

"You like me," he said, feeling his smile widen. "That's why you felt so good when I was poisoned. You like me, and I like you, so it felt soothing to me, instead of painful."

"So you find yourself attracted to me?"

Evan couldn't stop smiling. "I guess I do."

Teyla met his gaze again. "Are you saying you are interested in courting me, Major Lorne?"

"Yeah," Evan said. "I guess I am."

"In Athosian culture," Teyla said, standing and moving towards him, "it is the man who must declare his interest before a woman can indicate the same. I am very glad that you have indicated your interest."

Teyla was now very close to him, her legs bracketing his. "Me, too." His voice was rough.

"I think you should kiss me now," Teyla said, pressing him backwards so he was lying flat on the bed.

So Evan kissed her.

A little while later Evan was stroking Teyla's hair, her head resting easily on his bare chest.

"You know," he said conversationally, "even a couple of hours ago, I don't think I'd ever have said this, but I'm kind of glad that I ate that soup now."

"Unrequited love is a most painful affliction," Teyla agreed, running her hand down his chest. "I am glad that our friends no long needlessly suffer."

"Me, too." He kissed the top of her head.

"Perhaps we should name our first child after their esteemed leader," Teyla said, snuggling in to him.

"Yeah," Evan sighed. Then, "What?"

But Teyla was laughing.

END