Fic: Eventualities
Title: Eventualities
Author: Jo
Pairing: McShep
Rating: R
Summary: Rodney isn't coping after the Trinity events...
Author's Notes: Written for Prompt #5 of this months sga22_slash challenge. All mistakes are all mine and apolgies are a given. Thanks to oc_pixie and lyndasty for their opinions *hugs*
Disclaimer: Mine? Yeah right...I wish!
Rodney fidgeted when he was nervous, or tired or upset. When he was all three he became unbearable, snapping, berating and constantly on the move. Which is why everyone was worried.
Rodney had been quiet--too quiet. He moved around Atlantis like a thief in the night, he barely ate, seldom slept and didn’t gripe like he used to--which isn’t to say he didn’t gripe at all, he did, but his usual acidic tongue wasn’t quite as sharp, his barbs not as cutting and he inevitably tailed off on his rampages, muttered apologies and proceeded to correct any mistakes himself.
And that’s how they ended up here. Sat in Carson’s office, well Rodney was actually propped up on a fold-out cot in the corner--Carson sat at his side, Rodney sipping on something that could be loosely described as liquor but could actually double as rocket fuel.
~*~
Carson sat quietly as Rodney rambled, spilling his thoughts. He sat for the first hour, as Rodney started getting tipsy, listening to the scientist recite his 6th grade science papers and elements from the periodic table. Then the air in the room seemed to thicken, the atmosphere darkening as Rodney’s glazed eyes cleared, and he muttered quietly--well rambled really--to no-one in particular.
“Elements, it always comes down to the raw elements--chemistry and explosions like plutonium, makes a big bang if not treated right. I guess you could say that’s me, eh, Carson old pal. ‘Cept I gave warnings. Told them time and time again that I wasn’t superman--told him, but no, no-one ever listens to me. And I warned them, I did. I said about always expecting me to find the solution and I got laughed at.”
Rodney saluted Carson with his glass, sloshing some amber liquid over his hand before raising the drink to his lips and gulping the rest of it down, gasping and shaking his head as the alcohol burned at his throat.
“We had a fight you know, ‘cept, wasn’t a fight. It was me complaining and him getting angry and quiet. You ever notice how quiet he goes when he is annoyed? He clams up and gets little wrinkly things here.” Rodney waved his hand haphazardly in front of his forehead. “He looks cute like that…all serious, I wanted to lick the lines away, but I couldn’t ‘cause I needed to make him listen to me…make him know.”
Carson grimaced as Rodney babbled, he knew John and Rodney were together, it was John who had asked him to try and find out what was wrong with the scientist, but he really didn’t want to hear certain things--his best friends licking each other being one of them.
But still, he listened as Rodney rambled, leaning forward as Rodney unwittingly blurted out his thoughts and feelings.
“What did he need to know, lad?” Carson prodded gently.
Rodney smiled, sad and wistful, pain emanating from red rimmed, deep blue eyes. “He needed to know the eventualities of me. I always mess up Cars, always. Look over my past. My parents, Jeannie, Teal’c, Carter…then Dumais and the others…Gaul…Peter. I make a mess every time…and I told him, I said it was only a matter of time before it happened again…and I was right. Because then, there was Collins, and of course the crowning glory, because god knows what tragedies the ripple effect of the explosion will be. But it’s gonna be huge….I can promise you that. Eventually it will be massive.”
Rodney fell silent and looked forlornly at the empty glass in his hand for a moment before speaking again softly.
“He said I was being a drama queen again, but I wasn’t. I said it would happen eventually and it did. I lost his trust and respect--his and Elizabeth and Radek’s. So now, now I will work harder, I won’t make the same mistake again Carson, I swear. In future everything gets checked, down to the very last particle and element.”
Carson sighed and pushed Rodney to lie flat on the cot, covering him with a soft blanket. “Rodney, ye can’t predict all the eventualities of every situation. Not even your supersonic speed thinking can do that, and nobody here expects you to.”
Rodney’s eyes fluttered, as the alcohol in his system took hold of his exhausted body. “Everyone expects me to,” he muttered wearily. “But I warned him--in the beginning--I always told him I'd disappoint him one day; maybe now he'll listen to me… Can I be alone now?”
Carson sighed as Rodney turned away from him, patted his friend on the knee and stood up. “Aye, I’ll be out there if you need anything.”
~*~
Carson stepped into the main infirmary and within a few minutes John Sheppard walked through the doors. Carson offered a half smile.
“Did that clear things up for ye a bit?”
John’s return smile was pinched. He had watched and listened on the security feed as Rodney had fell apart. Now though, now he needed to clear things up.
“Yeah, it did. Thanks Carson, I’ll just…” John pointed towards Carson’s office and Carson nodded his ascent before moving away giving his two friends much needed privacy.
As John stepped into the room Rodney looked up and tensed. “Can I help you Colonel?”
John sighed. “You didn’t disappoint me.”
He then winced internally as the words left his mouth. He never meant for it to come out so blunt.
Rodney snorted. “Sure I did. Your superman failed you…yet again. I get it, really…so you can just wander back to wherever you should be when your not listening into other peoples private, semi-drunken confessions of guilt and remorse.”
John bent down in front of Rodney and stared at his friend and lover. “No, you didn’t. It was never about trust or disappointment or approval. I never had you on any pedestal. When I said those things it was about fear. I was afraid and I handled it badly. If I could go back and change it I would, I never meant to hurt you Rodney, you have to know that.”
Rodney shook his head. “No--I messed up, I always mess up eventually. You don’t have to say this stuff because I am handling things badly, I’ll get over it.”
John captured Rodney’s face in hands. “I’m not, I am saying it because I handled it badly,” he said firmly. “We all did. Everyone of us from Elizabeth down. None of us are absolved from the blame in this. I know you bore the brunt of it, but that’s not because of any disappointment. It was about fear. You are the smartest guy around, and sure, the others may have been afraid that one day you are not gonna be able to pull our asses out of the fire, but I wasn’t. I was afraid that one day you would sacrifice yourself doing the same damn thing.”
Rodney raised an eyebrow. “Excuse me, Pot? Meet Kettle, oh and yeah, you’re black!” Rodney groused. “Jesus John, you are the first person to embrace the kamikaze spirit. It’s what you live for. Every time we go through the gate you throw yourself on the metaphorical grenade.”
“Yeah, I do,” Rodney swallowed hard as John agreed huskily. “Because it’s my job and if by doing that it keeps you safe, then I will do it. But please, please don’t make it harder by being reckless. I need you to stay alive Rodney. I need you here to pull me back from the brink too.”
Rodney swallowed again as John’s voice tailed off to a whisper. “But eventually…” Rodney stuttered out as John leaned forward pressing small wet kisses along Rodney’s chin and onto his neck.
“Shh,” John muttered. “Eventually, isn’t now. This is now.”
John ran his hands over Rodney’s body, pulling his scientist closer, capturing Rodney’s mouth to his as he stroked and caressed. Licking his way into Rodney’s mouth, tasting deeper and deeper.
Rodney moaned as John moved his hands and undid his pants, his hips twitching impatiently as John reached inside and stroked his hard cock briefly before removing his hand and dragging both pants and boxers down Rodney’s legs.
In the heat of the moment Rodney finally had a moment of clarity. It wasn’t about right or wrong. It wasn’t disappointment or redemption. It was about fear. Rodney’s, John’s, their friends. They were all afraid. Afraid of the innumerable eventualities that were waiting around every corner. Afraid for life and death and sacrifice. They were afraid of the loss--and in their own ways each and everyone of them were hiding from it.
John, got angry and fought back, Rodney lost himself in his work, Carson tried to heal every body and mind that crossed his path and Elizabeth tried to hold the city together.
And there, in their hiding and mistakes, Rodney knew. He knew without a doubt that eventually they would overcome it. Him and John would continue taking turns to save the day, and then Carson and Elizabeth would stand by, ready to put them back together.
Then, eventually, the fear would dissipate, or maybe just become unimportant and all that would be left would be them. Just them--together.
John moved his hands under Rodney’s shirt, scraping blunt nails across hardened nipples as he removed it and Rodney stopped thinking.
“John, please!” Rodney begged, his hands gripping in John’s hair as John stripped him and began mouthing at Rodney’s skin, licking and sucking his way down Rodney’s chest.
“Please, god John, Please”
John smiled against Rodney’s stomach. “Shh, we’ll get there…eventually”
Author: Jo
Pairing: McShep
Rating: R
Summary: Rodney isn't coping after the Trinity events...
Author's Notes: Written for Prompt #5 of this months sga22_slash challenge. All mistakes are all mine and apolgies are a given. Thanks to oc_pixie and lyndasty for their opinions *hugs*
Disclaimer: Mine? Yeah right...I wish!
Rodney fidgeted when he was nervous, or tired or upset. When he was all three he became unbearable, snapping, berating and constantly on the move. Which is why everyone was worried.
Rodney had been quiet--too quiet. He moved around Atlantis like a thief in the night, he barely ate, seldom slept and didn’t gripe like he used to--which isn’t to say he didn’t gripe at all, he did, but his usual acidic tongue wasn’t quite as sharp, his barbs not as cutting and he inevitably tailed off on his rampages, muttered apologies and proceeded to correct any mistakes himself.
And that’s how they ended up here. Sat in Carson’s office, well Rodney was actually propped up on a fold-out cot in the corner--Carson sat at his side, Rodney sipping on something that could be loosely described as liquor but could actually double as rocket fuel.
~*~
Carson sat quietly as Rodney rambled, spilling his thoughts. He sat for the first hour, as Rodney started getting tipsy, listening to the scientist recite his 6th grade science papers and elements from the periodic table. Then the air in the room seemed to thicken, the atmosphere darkening as Rodney’s glazed eyes cleared, and he muttered quietly--well rambled really--to no-one in particular.
“Elements, it always comes down to the raw elements--chemistry and explosions like plutonium, makes a big bang if not treated right. I guess you could say that’s me, eh, Carson old pal. ‘Cept I gave warnings. Told them time and time again that I wasn’t superman--told him, but no, no-one ever listens to me. And I warned them, I did. I said about always expecting me to find the solution and I got laughed at.”
Rodney saluted Carson with his glass, sloshing some amber liquid over his hand before raising the drink to his lips and gulping the rest of it down, gasping and shaking his head as the alcohol burned at his throat.
“We had a fight you know, ‘cept, wasn’t a fight. It was me complaining and him getting angry and quiet. You ever notice how quiet he goes when he is annoyed? He clams up and gets little wrinkly things here.” Rodney waved his hand haphazardly in front of his forehead. “He looks cute like that…all serious, I wanted to lick the lines away, but I couldn’t ‘cause I needed to make him listen to me…make him know.”
Carson grimaced as Rodney babbled, he knew John and Rodney were together, it was John who had asked him to try and find out what was wrong with the scientist, but he really didn’t want to hear certain things--his best friends licking each other being one of them.
But still, he listened as Rodney rambled, leaning forward as Rodney unwittingly blurted out his thoughts and feelings.
“What did he need to know, lad?” Carson prodded gently.
Rodney smiled, sad and wistful, pain emanating from red rimmed, deep blue eyes. “He needed to know the eventualities of me. I always mess up Cars, always. Look over my past. My parents, Jeannie, Teal’c, Carter…then Dumais and the others…Gaul…Peter. I make a mess every time…and I told him, I said it was only a matter of time before it happened again…and I was right. Because then, there was Collins, and of course the crowning glory, because god knows what tragedies the ripple effect of the explosion will be. But it’s gonna be huge….I can promise you that. Eventually it will be massive.”
Rodney fell silent and looked forlornly at the empty glass in his hand for a moment before speaking again softly.
“He said I was being a drama queen again, but I wasn’t. I said it would happen eventually and it did. I lost his trust and respect--his and Elizabeth and Radek’s. So now, now I will work harder, I won’t make the same mistake again Carson, I swear. In future everything gets checked, down to the very last particle and element.”
Carson sighed and pushed Rodney to lie flat on the cot, covering him with a soft blanket. “Rodney, ye can’t predict all the eventualities of every situation. Not even your supersonic speed thinking can do that, and nobody here expects you to.”
Rodney’s eyes fluttered, as the alcohol in his system took hold of his exhausted body. “Everyone expects me to,” he muttered wearily. “But I warned him--in the beginning--I always told him I'd disappoint him one day; maybe now he'll listen to me… Can I be alone now?”
Carson sighed as Rodney turned away from him, patted his friend on the knee and stood up. “Aye, I’ll be out there if you need anything.”
~*~
Carson stepped into the main infirmary and within a few minutes John Sheppard walked through the doors. Carson offered a half smile.
“Did that clear things up for ye a bit?”
John’s return smile was pinched. He had watched and listened on the security feed as Rodney had fell apart. Now though, now he needed to clear things up.
“Yeah, it did. Thanks Carson, I’ll just…” John pointed towards Carson’s office and Carson nodded his ascent before moving away giving his two friends much needed privacy.
As John stepped into the room Rodney looked up and tensed. “Can I help you Colonel?”
John sighed. “You didn’t disappoint me.”
He then winced internally as the words left his mouth. He never meant for it to come out so blunt.
Rodney snorted. “Sure I did. Your superman failed you…yet again. I get it, really…so you can just wander back to wherever you should be when your not listening into other peoples private, semi-drunken confessions of guilt and remorse.”
John bent down in front of Rodney and stared at his friend and lover. “No, you didn’t. It was never about trust or disappointment or approval. I never had you on any pedestal. When I said those things it was about fear. I was afraid and I handled it badly. If I could go back and change it I would, I never meant to hurt you Rodney, you have to know that.”
Rodney shook his head. “No--I messed up, I always mess up eventually. You don’t have to say this stuff because I am handling things badly, I’ll get over it.”
John captured Rodney’s face in hands. “I’m not, I am saying it because I handled it badly,” he said firmly. “We all did. Everyone of us from Elizabeth down. None of us are absolved from the blame in this. I know you bore the brunt of it, but that’s not because of any disappointment. It was about fear. You are the smartest guy around, and sure, the others may have been afraid that one day you are not gonna be able to pull our asses out of the fire, but I wasn’t. I was afraid that one day you would sacrifice yourself doing the same damn thing.”
Rodney raised an eyebrow. “Excuse me, Pot? Meet Kettle, oh and yeah, you’re black!” Rodney groused. “Jesus John, you are the first person to embrace the kamikaze spirit. It’s what you live for. Every time we go through the gate you throw yourself on the metaphorical grenade.”
“Yeah, I do,” Rodney swallowed hard as John agreed huskily. “Because it’s my job and if by doing that it keeps you safe, then I will do it. But please, please don’t make it harder by being reckless. I need you to stay alive Rodney. I need you here to pull me back from the brink too.”
Rodney swallowed again as John’s voice tailed off to a whisper. “But eventually…” Rodney stuttered out as John leaned forward pressing small wet kisses along Rodney’s chin and onto his neck.
“Shh,” John muttered. “Eventually, isn’t now. This is now.”
John ran his hands over Rodney’s body, pulling his scientist closer, capturing Rodney’s mouth to his as he stroked and caressed. Licking his way into Rodney’s mouth, tasting deeper and deeper.
Rodney moaned as John moved his hands and undid his pants, his hips twitching impatiently as John reached inside and stroked his hard cock briefly before removing his hand and dragging both pants and boxers down Rodney’s legs.
In the heat of the moment Rodney finally had a moment of clarity. It wasn’t about right or wrong. It wasn’t disappointment or redemption. It was about fear. Rodney’s, John’s, their friends. They were all afraid. Afraid of the innumerable eventualities that were waiting around every corner. Afraid for life and death and sacrifice. They were afraid of the loss--and in their own ways each and everyone of them were hiding from it.
John, got angry and fought back, Rodney lost himself in his work, Carson tried to heal every body and mind that crossed his path and Elizabeth tried to hold the city together.
And there, in their hiding and mistakes, Rodney knew. He knew without a doubt that eventually they would overcome it. Him and John would continue taking turns to save the day, and then Carson and Elizabeth would stand by, ready to put them back together.
Then, eventually, the fear would dissipate, or maybe just become unimportant and all that would be left would be them. Just them--together.
John moved his hands under Rodney’s shirt, scraping blunt nails across hardened nipples as he removed it and Rodney stopped thinking.
“John, please!” Rodney begged, his hands gripping in John’s hair as John stripped him and began mouthing at Rodney’s skin, licking and sucking his way down Rodney’s chest.
“Please, god John, Please”
John smiled against Rodney’s stomach. “Shh, we’ll get there…eventually”