Just Like Penguins, by Vega (Animals Challenge)
Just Like Penguins
Part One
by losyark
Characters: Jack O`Neill, Woolsey
Pairing: McShep
Rating: Pg-13 for language
Spoilers: Up to and set between “The Siege III” and “Intruder”
Author’s Notes: ruinsofmysanity wanted smut. I failed utterly.
Summary: “For cryin` out loud. Don’t we have better things to be spending our time and money on than witch hunts? Like, I dunno, blowing up a supergate or trying to keep the world from getting crispified by the Ori, or trying to keep the space-vampires from finding us?”
***
The nice thing about having Brigadier General Jack O`Neill, head of Homeworld Security, as an employer was that he really didn’t give a flying fuck.
“For cryin` out loud,” he snapped when Woolsey stormed into his office on behalf of the IOA Oversight Committee, brandishing black and white photos taken through a spotter scope of the newly minted Lt. Colonel John Sheppard and Doctor Rodney McKay canoodling in a dim bar in Colorado proper. “Don’t we have better things to be spending our time and money on than witch hunts? Like, I dunno, blowing up a supergate or trying to keep the world from getting crispified by the Ori, or trying to keep the space-vampires from finding us?”
“It’s not natural,” Woolsey pouted, harping from habit rather than actual protest.
“What are you, twelve?” Jack wrinkled his nose and wratcheted his tone up into mockingly nasal: “Ewww. He’s kissing a boy. We fight hungry space vampires and body-snatching aliens and psychotic jelly fish on a daily basis and you’re freaking out about `not natural`?”
“No other species--”
“Bonobo monkeys,” Jack said pointedly. “And penguins.”
“Penguins?” Woolsey repeated faintly, voice small and face going a funny shade of not-quite-green.
“Daniel says so and Daniel knows everything.”
“But--”
“Leave them alone, Woolsey.”
“But the military--”
Jack frowned, because really, he was the military on this one and he didn’t appreciate being told what he did or did not think. “Sheppard’s limp wrist hasn’t caused his flying to veer left, yet.”
“But--”
Jack slapped his hands down on his blotter, hard enough to make his pen set rattle. “Are you seriously telling me that you want to remove two of the most important members of the Command - the best mind at Area 51 and the ace pilot that has the supergene and knows everything about the puddlejumpers - just because it makes you all `uncomfortable`?”
Woolsey drew himself up. “We just don’t think that the military commander of such an important instillation should... should be...”
“Sucking cock?”
“General!” Woolsey snapped, scandalized.
“Or is it the fact that it’s McKay’s cock that’s got your panties in a twist?”
“No!” Woolsey gasped, face flushing, flustered now and defensive. “His choice of p-partner isn’t the issue.”
“From what I can tell, that’s exactly the issue,” Jack said blithely, leaning back in his chair and folding his fingers over his stomach. “If it was Liz he was going down on instead, would you people be happy?”
“What?! No!”
“Then what’ll it take? The man isn’t allowed to get laid, ever?” Jack narrowed his eyes. “Did Caldwell put you up to this? Is that it? He sore he lost out to a fag?”
“Ofcourse not. The IOA just feels that--”
“The IOA does not get to tell me who I can and cannot choose to employ,” Jack said, and he let his ire bubble through into his expression for the first time. “Frankly, Woolsey, I have seen too much bizarre shit out there to begrudge two very reliable, very productive employees a little comfort and stability. Also?” He pointed at the photographs still clutched in Woolsey’s sweating hands, “That’s an invasion of privacy and all kinds of illegal.”
“Two? It’s only Sheppard--”
“And does it not occur to you that if you remove Sheppard, McKay will probably go with him?”
“We--”
“Get out of my office, Woolsey,” Jack said pleasantly, lifting his feet and crossing them at the ankle on the top of his desk. “I have real work to do and a planet to keep saving. Though why I bother with bigoted assholes like you on it, I can’t figure out.”
“General,” Woolsey tried one last time, desperation creeping into his tense shoulders. “It’s not right.”
“Penguins,” Jack said pointedly.
“But they--”
“Out.”
Screwing up his mouth, Woolsey crumpled and twisted the photos in his hands, and left.
“Moron,” Jack said into his coffee cup.
To Part Two
Part One
by losyark
Characters: Jack O`Neill, Woolsey
Pairing: McShep
Rating: Pg-13 for language
Spoilers: Up to and set between “The Siege III” and “Intruder”
Author’s Notes: ruinsofmysanity wanted smut. I failed utterly.
Summary: “For cryin` out loud. Don’t we have better things to be spending our time and money on than witch hunts? Like, I dunno, blowing up a supergate or trying to keep the world from getting crispified by the Ori, or trying to keep the space-vampires from finding us?”
***
The nice thing about having Brigadier General Jack O`Neill, head of Homeworld Security, as an employer was that he really didn’t give a flying fuck.
“For cryin` out loud,” he snapped when Woolsey stormed into his office on behalf of the IOA Oversight Committee, brandishing black and white photos taken through a spotter scope of the newly minted Lt. Colonel John Sheppard and Doctor Rodney McKay canoodling in a dim bar in Colorado proper. “Don’t we have better things to be spending our time and money on than witch hunts? Like, I dunno, blowing up a supergate or trying to keep the world from getting crispified by the Ori, or trying to keep the space-vampires from finding us?”
“It’s not natural,” Woolsey pouted, harping from habit rather than actual protest.
“What are you, twelve?” Jack wrinkled his nose and wratcheted his tone up into mockingly nasal: “Ewww. He’s kissing a boy. We fight hungry space vampires and body-snatching aliens and psychotic jelly fish on a daily basis and you’re freaking out about `not natural`?”
“No other species--”
“Bonobo monkeys,” Jack said pointedly. “And penguins.”
“Penguins?” Woolsey repeated faintly, voice small and face going a funny shade of not-quite-green.
“Daniel says so and Daniel knows everything.”
“But--”
“Leave them alone, Woolsey.”
“But the military--”
Jack frowned, because really, he was the military on this one and he didn’t appreciate being told what he did or did not think. “Sheppard’s limp wrist hasn’t caused his flying to veer left, yet.”
“But--”
Jack slapped his hands down on his blotter, hard enough to make his pen set rattle. “Are you seriously telling me that you want to remove two of the most important members of the Command - the best mind at Area 51 and the ace pilot that has the supergene and knows everything about the puddlejumpers - just because it makes you all `uncomfortable`?”
Woolsey drew himself up. “We just don’t think that the military commander of such an important instillation should... should be...”
“Sucking cock?”
“General!” Woolsey snapped, scandalized.
“Or is it the fact that it’s McKay’s cock that’s got your panties in a twist?”
“No!” Woolsey gasped, face flushing, flustered now and defensive. “His choice of p-partner isn’t the issue.”
“From what I can tell, that’s exactly the issue,” Jack said blithely, leaning back in his chair and folding his fingers over his stomach. “If it was Liz he was going down on instead, would you people be happy?”
“What?! No!”
“Then what’ll it take? The man isn’t allowed to get laid, ever?” Jack narrowed his eyes. “Did Caldwell put you up to this? Is that it? He sore he lost out to a fag?”
“Ofcourse not. The IOA just feels that--”
“The IOA does not get to tell me who I can and cannot choose to employ,” Jack said, and he let his ire bubble through into his expression for the first time. “Frankly, Woolsey, I have seen too much bizarre shit out there to begrudge two very reliable, very productive employees a little comfort and stability. Also?” He pointed at the photographs still clutched in Woolsey’s sweating hands, “That’s an invasion of privacy and all kinds of illegal.”
“Two? It’s only Sheppard--”
“And does it not occur to you that if you remove Sheppard, McKay will probably go with him?”
“We--”
“Get out of my office, Woolsey,” Jack said pleasantly, lifting his feet and crossing them at the ankle on the top of his desk. “I have real work to do and a planet to keep saving. Though why I bother with bigoted assholes like you on it, I can’t figure out.”
“General,” Woolsey tried one last time, desperation creeping into his tense shoulders. “It’s not right.”
“Penguins,” Jack said pointedly.
“But they--”
“Out.”
Screwing up his mouth, Woolsey crumpled and twisted the photos in his hands, and left.
“Moron,” Jack said into his coffee cup.
To Part Two