Nuclear Relationships by Slybrarian
Title: Nuclear Relationships
Author: slybrarian
Rating: PG-13
Characters: McKay/Sheppard, Sheppard/Lorne, combinations thereof
Words: 1034
Series: Dramatic Exit, but reading the rest is not required.
Summary: In which Rodney's newest theory on relationships is explained.
Author's notes: Beta by archae_ology.
Rodney would be the first to admit that he in the past he hadn't exactly been an expert on relationships. Well, maybe the second, because he rather suspected that Katie would have quite a few things to say about the subject, which was really quite reasonable. It was actually a bit surprising that he hadn't met some sort of horrible botanical end yet, because there were undoubtedly a thousand different extraordinarily poisonous plants in the labs and greenhouses, most of which were probably harmless to anyone with fewer life-threatening allergies than Rodney and thus provide ample plausible deniability for when he dropped dead. Maybe that was just more proof that Katie was way too nice for Rodney.
But in any case, that was all beside the point. Rodney had finally come up with a grand unified theory for relationships, based in no small part on his own experiences with one John Sheppard.
One would think that being in a relationship with John would have proved easy enough. They were already best friends, already spent most of their time together, and at the time had already been fucking from time to time. Having an actually, official, "yes we're dating" relationship should have been simply a matter of being a little more close, spending a little more time together, and fucking just a little (a lot) more. And they did all that. Especially the fucking part. After all, isn't one of the perks of going out with a guy supposed to be lots more sex than you'd have with a woman? Especially with hot military guys. There's supposed to that entire 'fight, flight, and fuck' animal instinct thing, and since there John certainly fought a lot and fled in terror a lot, that should have meant a lot of testosterone and horniness. Rodney's pretty sure he heard that somewhere. Maybe on the Discovery Channel or something like that.
He shouldn't have been surprised when biology turned out to be a completely useless 'science' yet again.
Over the course of a week, some strange tension had started to slowly build up, with John getting moodier and moodier, until he'd practically exploded after Rodney forgot about some stupid dinner. In retrospect, it was probably best that it hadn't taken any longer to happen, because otherwise there might have been literal explosions. At first Rodney was completely confused about the entire thing - missing some pasta and too much spectacular sex was an excuse for dumping your best friend? - but he's pretty sure he's gotten things figured out.
See, he and John were a lot alike, right? Yes, John had wasted his talent on being able to fly things really fast and shoot guns, but Rodney was willing to agree that, in sum, John was almost as brilliant as Rodney was. In any case both of them were at the top of their chosen fields, even if people with rather less ability would have liked to pretend otherwise. However, when they were working together their achievements were considerably more impressive then they were apart. Rodney's work had gone from undeniably brilliant to world-shatteringly spectacular since they met, and since John had been promoted and... given command and whatnot, clearly he had also improved. So the way Rodney saw it was that they were like two pieces of refined radioactive metal, maybe something highly useful like U-235, with John being weapons-grade material given his odd fondness for nuclear weapons. Separate, they just went along merrily radiating neutrons and beta particles and such - in Rodney's case, devastatingly brilliant papers, in John's case, probably something like bullets or death-defying aerial stunts. When put together they got even more active, and their combined output became greater than the sum of their original parts. Just like uranium, when they got squeezed too close together they reached critical mass and the predictable occurred - the nuclear reactor started to melt down, alarms went off and red lights flashed and people with Zelenka-ish accents shouted, and the next thing you knew half the countryside glowed in the dark.
Rodney wasn't quite sure exactly what the missed dinner is in this metaphor. Maybe it was the part where the unwary technicians disable the safeties on the reactor and cause it to blow up.
In any case, Rodney obviously had to adjust this conceptual framework when John unexpectedly started to sleep with Lorne. It took a while, but one day as Rodney watched the two of them he realized that Lorne was clearly on some other part of the periodic table, up in the lighter and less interesting elements. He looked nice and had a pretty smile, he had the entire hot pilot thing going on like John did, and there was no denying that he was very useful when one needed to be rescue or had paperwork to be done. On the other hand, to Rodney he seemed a bit... dull. What kind of recreational activity was painting? And while John at least had a real engineering degree, Lorne had some kind of geology thing and an MBA. He even hung out with a botanist, of all things. Definitely dull.
Rodney combined that with skillful observation of John's actions. He seemed a little more relaxed, and a little less likely to pull some death-defying stunt at the drop of a hat. He was more thoughtful and less antsy during senior staff meetings, especially when Lorne was present and giving him a sharp look when he got antsy. In short, he was more moderated, which made it clear to Rodney that he was an element used for nuclear control like silver or boron. It certainly fit with the kind of freakish self-control the man had even when they were all about to die some hideously painful death. He was also strangely open to letting Rodney join them from time to time, and when he did John wasn't the least bit twitchy about it in or out of bed, like Lorne was keeping the two of them from falling into another runaway reaction. In short, his personality and actions fit the model perfectly.
Yes, Rodney was definitely onto something with this idea. Maybe he should write a book.
Author: slybrarian
Rating: PG-13
Characters: McKay/Sheppard, Sheppard/Lorne, combinations thereof
Words: 1034
Series: Dramatic Exit, but reading the rest is not required.
Summary: In which Rodney's newest theory on relationships is explained.
Author's notes: Beta by archae_ology.
Rodney would be the first to admit that he in the past he hadn't exactly been an expert on relationships. Well, maybe the second, because he rather suspected that Katie would have quite a few things to say about the subject, which was really quite reasonable. It was actually a bit surprising that he hadn't met some sort of horrible botanical end yet, because there were undoubtedly a thousand different extraordinarily poisonous plants in the labs and greenhouses, most of which were probably harmless to anyone with fewer life-threatening allergies than Rodney and thus provide ample plausible deniability for when he dropped dead. Maybe that was just more proof that Katie was way too nice for Rodney.
But in any case, that was all beside the point. Rodney had finally come up with a grand unified theory for relationships, based in no small part on his own experiences with one John Sheppard.
One would think that being in a relationship with John would have proved easy enough. They were already best friends, already spent most of their time together, and at the time had already been fucking from time to time. Having an actually, official, "yes we're dating" relationship should have been simply a matter of being a little more close, spending a little more time together, and fucking just a little (a lot) more. And they did all that. Especially the fucking part. After all, isn't one of the perks of going out with a guy supposed to be lots more sex than you'd have with a woman? Especially with hot military guys. There's supposed to that entire 'fight, flight, and fuck' animal instinct thing, and since there John certainly fought a lot and fled in terror a lot, that should have meant a lot of testosterone and horniness. Rodney's pretty sure he heard that somewhere. Maybe on the Discovery Channel or something like that.
He shouldn't have been surprised when biology turned out to be a completely useless 'science' yet again.
Over the course of a week, some strange tension had started to slowly build up, with John getting moodier and moodier, until he'd practically exploded after Rodney forgot about some stupid dinner. In retrospect, it was probably best that it hadn't taken any longer to happen, because otherwise there might have been literal explosions. At first Rodney was completely confused about the entire thing - missing some pasta and too much spectacular sex was an excuse for dumping your best friend? - but he's pretty sure he's gotten things figured out.
See, he and John were a lot alike, right? Yes, John had wasted his talent on being able to fly things really fast and shoot guns, but Rodney was willing to agree that, in sum, John was almost as brilliant as Rodney was. In any case both of them were at the top of their chosen fields, even if people with rather less ability would have liked to pretend otherwise. However, when they were working together their achievements were considerably more impressive then they were apart. Rodney's work had gone from undeniably brilliant to world-shatteringly spectacular since they met, and since John had been promoted and... given command and whatnot, clearly he had also improved. So the way Rodney saw it was that they were like two pieces of refined radioactive metal, maybe something highly useful like U-235, with John being weapons-grade material given his odd fondness for nuclear weapons. Separate, they just went along merrily radiating neutrons and beta particles and such - in Rodney's case, devastatingly brilliant papers, in John's case, probably something like bullets or death-defying aerial stunts. When put together they got even more active, and their combined output became greater than the sum of their original parts. Just like uranium, when they got squeezed too close together they reached critical mass and the predictable occurred - the nuclear reactor started to melt down, alarms went off and red lights flashed and people with Zelenka-ish accents shouted, and the next thing you knew half the countryside glowed in the dark.
Rodney wasn't quite sure exactly what the missed dinner is in this metaphor. Maybe it was the part where the unwary technicians disable the safeties on the reactor and cause it to blow up.
In any case, Rodney obviously had to adjust this conceptual framework when John unexpectedly started to sleep with Lorne. It took a while, but one day as Rodney watched the two of them he realized that Lorne was clearly on some other part of the periodic table, up in the lighter and less interesting elements. He looked nice and had a pretty smile, he had the entire hot pilot thing going on like John did, and there was no denying that he was very useful when one needed to be rescue or had paperwork to be done. On the other hand, to Rodney he seemed a bit... dull. What kind of recreational activity was painting? And while John at least had a real engineering degree, Lorne had some kind of geology thing and an MBA. He even hung out with a botanist, of all things. Definitely dull.
Rodney combined that with skillful observation of John's actions. He seemed a little more relaxed, and a little less likely to pull some death-defying stunt at the drop of a hat. He was more thoughtful and less antsy during senior staff meetings, especially when Lorne was present and giving him a sharp look when he got antsy. In short, he was more moderated, which made it clear to Rodney that he was an element used for nuclear control like silver or boron. It certainly fit with the kind of freakish self-control the man had even when they were all about to die some hideously painful death. He was also strangely open to letting Rodney join them from time to time, and when he did John wasn't the least bit twitchy about it in or out of bed, like Lorne was keeping the two of them from falling into another runaway reaction. In short, his personality and actions fit the model perfectly.
Yes, Rodney was definitely onto something with this idea. Maybe he should write a book.