AU, Week 1: Survival Has Its Price
Title: Survival Has Its Price
Author: misty4me
Prompt: Paperwork & Documents
Word Count: 9000
Rating: R for language
Warnings/Spoilers: Some through season two.
Summary: This is an AU that takes place late in season 2, a few months after Lost Boys. How far would the expedition go to survive?
Sheppard was unconscious when they brought him back through the gate, slumped between his teammates, pale and sweating. So it came as something of a surprise to him when he was released from the infirmary just a few hours later by a brusque Carson Beckett . He'd woken up with no memory of how he got there. Once enough of the fog had cleared from his head to take inventory of his surroundings he called out for whoever was nearest. That turned out to be Carson, who walked in scowling, or something close to it. "Colonel, you're awake. How are you feeling?"
He'd been through this enough times to run down the list of symptoms, telling the Scottsman what he needed to know, and this time not really lying about most of it.
"So you don't remember what happened off world?" Beckett was sitting in the chair by the bed, writing notes on his chart, having done a check of the other man's vitals.
"Last thing I remember is walking into that Ancient building, Doc." Beckett looked up at him, his frown deepening.
"Well, as far as I can tell you're fine, Colonel." He stood up, "I'd have you stay overnight for observation, but I know you'll fight it. So I'll release you as long as you go back to your quarters and get some sleep. Oh, and light duty for the next two days." He went on to explain that light duty specifically meant no sparring, exercise, or running for the next 52 hours. The truth be told, John was suffering from a hell of a headache and he was perfectly happy to head back to his quarters. Beckett had already contacted Rodney to bring some clean clothes so there was nothing to do but wait and try to shake off the throbbing in his head and the lingering discomfort in his muscles.
Fifteen minutes later he was dressed, talking to Rodney as he waited for Beckett to sign his release papers. The CSO frowned and rolled his eyes, "So you don't remember walking into that room and getting hit with some sort of energy burst?" It wasn't clear whether McKay was more annoyed at him getting nailed by ancient tech again, or at the fact that this time the scientist couldn't really say anything about it because, literally, all Sheppard had done was walk into the room, and he'd done it when Rodney told him to.
Rodney walked Sheppard to his quarters, made sure he was settled and took off for his lab, pleading the need to go see what sense he could make of the readings they'd recorded before having to hotfoot it back through the gate carrying the colonel. That left Sheppard to his own devices but no matter that he was exhausted and needed some rest, sleep wouldn't come. After an hour of laying in bed, staring at the darkness with his mind refusing to settle, he gave up. Normally he'd go for a run or hunt up Teyla and Ronon for some late night sparring, but since Carson had made a point of telling him to take it easy for the next two days he thought better of it. He wasn't averse to ignoring Beckett's admonishments if he thought he knew better, but the man had been unusually blunt with him. He figured that the doctor had probably let them and his XO know that the gym and running were off limits. He wandered into the bathroom and splashed cold water on his face, then slid on some sweats and t-shirt.
It was only 2200 hours, not late by Rodney's standards. Snagging his earpiece from the nightstand, he tapped it, "Hey, McKay."
"Colonel, aren't you supposed to be resting?" Rodney sounded grumpy.
"I can't sleep. How about a game of chess?" The snort that answered him was followed by a typical McKayesque rant.
"Some of us have a job to do, Colonel. And considering that you've already taken up most of my day by dragging me off on a wild ZPM chase, getting stunned and needing to be rescued, you'll understand if I don't really have the time to come babysit you."
Ouch. John frowned. Sure, he'd expected the rant, but at the end, he'd also expected Rodney to say 'Yes'.
"Uh, sure, McKay. Maybe some other time." He signed off and figured that maybe it was just as well. First Carson, now Rodney, it seemed like everyone was in a bad mood. He sat on the bed for a minute or two then came to the inevitable conclusion. It was a sad day in Atlantis when paperwork was his best option for overcoming insomnia. Swapping his sweats for BDUs, he headed to his office. Paper had always been a precious commodity on the expedition, so most of their 'paperwork' was done electronically and he could have worked over the network, but that wouldn't give him the opportunity of at least taking a walk.
The next time Sheppard called Rodney there were files scattered across his desktop and the sun was coming up over the horizon. He'd spent hours trying to figure out what he was reading and everything pointed to a conclusion that he just didn't want to believe. Using a private channel, he tried to raise the McKay but got no answer. It was a hell of a time for McKay to decide he needed sleep. A second call went unanswered, like the first. With the vague thought of finding the CSO, he packed up the files he'd been reading and headed for the Gateroom. He needed answers and he was too keyed up to wait. Chuck was on night duty and nodded to him. "Colonel," he smiled, "I heard what happened today. Glad you're okay." The Canadian's politeness was soothing.
"Boss in yet?" That got him an odd look.
"Umm, a bit early for her, sir." The sun hadn't made it through the Gateroom windows yet. It was dark enough that Chuck was still using the console light to monitor the information scrolling across his screen. "Anything I can help you with, Sir?" The windows from the office up on the balcony were dark.
Sheppard shook his head, "No, thanks." He headed upstairs anyway, stopping in front of the door. Chuck watched from below while the other man stood there for a good minute, just staring at the door in front of him. Then just as abruptly as he'd stopped, the colonel was gone again, leaving past the conference room out the upper doors.
He walked, not really sure where he was going. To find Rodney, he'd thought. But then somehow he found himself outside the Infirmary in time to run into Beckett coming off duty. The doctor took his turn at being on call, like the rest of his staff. There were just too few of them to pull rank. Those nights he slept on a cot in a back room. John knew there was no hiding that he'd been up all night, so he didn't even try. Beckett had just opened his mouth to start dressing him down when Sheppard interrupted him, "Carson, do you have a minute?"
"Colonel." Beckett's eyes narrowed, took in the bruised eyes, disheveled clothes and the stack of red-edged file folders that the Military Commander of Atlantis was holding. He schooled his face into something approaching neutrality, "Very well." They headed back into the infirmary, to the CMO's office, and Sheppard made sure to mentally lock the door.
With the two of them alone, Beckett rounded on him, "What did you want to discuss, Colonel?" Faced with the same unspoken anger he'd detected earlier in the day, Sheppard floundered a bit before he thrust the folders towards the CMO and blurted out, "It's these." Beckett recoiled, putting as much distance between him and the files as the small office would allow.
"What about them?" He spat it out, clearly angry now.
Sheppard held the stack out, "Why? Why would you let this--"
He never got the chance to finish. "You right bloody bastard!" Beckett was on him in a flash, catching Sheppard with a tackle, pinning him to the floor and wrapping his hands around the other man's throat. "After everything you've fucking cost me, you have the bloody balls to come in here playing some kind of sick game." The doctor was tightening his grip, applying pressure in a way that both men knew could kill the colonel easily. Instinct and training took over. Sheppard managed to land a palm against the doctor's nose. Blood spattered everywhere but the man moved, his weight shifting as he reached up to cradle his face. Sheppard shifted, twisted his body and used his legs for leverage. Within seconds their positions were reversed, only the soldier had grabbed Beckett's hands and pinned them above his head.
"Damnit, Carson, calm down." But the doctor was having none of it. He struggled against Sheppard until the blood draining down his throat started to choke him. The only thing that had kept anyone from hearing them was the Ancient construction that made most rooms totally soundproof. But sooner or later Sheppard knew he was going to have to leave and once the door was open Beckett would yell his head off. He needed a way to make the man calm down and listen to him.
"Sorry to do this--" He shifted his weight and kneed the doctor in the groin hard enough to make him jolt with the pain and curl in on himself. It gave Sheppard the time he needed to grab the doctor's earpiece and tie his wrists with the belt he had on. There was water on the desk so he set a mug down within Beckett's reach, then pushed the desk against the door and settled down to wait, back against the opposite wall, watching as the pained rocking slowly gave way to silent stillness. Beckett's shoulders eventually relaxed but he just lay there ignoring John's presence behind him. Maybe, John thought, he was hoping that John would just leave. No way that was happening.
"Carson. I know you can hear me." And the tension was back, just like that, but he kept up the same steady breathing, stubbornly staying on the floor with his back to Sheppard, trying to put an invisible wall between them. "Look, I'm sorry. I didn't want to do that." John knew he was sounding increasingly desperate but not even that got any reaction. "Damn it!" There had to be some way to get the man to listen to him. Sheppard ran his hands through his hair. How the heck was he supposed to explain what was going through his head? "You're going to think I'm crazy. Hell, I think I'm crazy." He couldn't stay still any longer, pushed off the wall and started to pace in the small space, rubbing his hand behind his neck as he went, "Look, yesterday morning when my team went through the gate, Elizabeth Weir stood up on the balcony and wished us luck--"
Beckett rolled over, having his hands tied made it slow and awkward. "Dr. Weir saw you off?"
"Yeah,"
"But that's not possible, she's--."
Sheppard stopped walking and looked at him, "Yeah, I know."
"If what you're saying is true then--"
Sheppard interrupted,
"Yeah, either I'm crazy or this isn't my Atlantis."
"I think you might be right."
Beckett was sitting on the couch in his office with a cold pack on his face. It did nothing to help the black bruises forming around both eyes, but at least it was stopping the worst of the swelling. He'd accepted that little bit of help from the colonel but still wasn't letting him any closer than he had too. Sheppard was clearly violent and maybe delusional. He really needed help here. "Colonel, you've got to admit that your story sounds crazy even for Pegasus." It hurt Beckett to move too much, but he sat up a little straighter, reaching for his earbud. Sheppard stopped him, snatching it away. Carson snapped out a slightly slurred,
"I think we need to call Rodney."
Sheppard hesitated. "Look Colonel, if what you're saying is true then this probably isn't a something I can do anything about. You're going to need Rodney."
Maybe, Sheppard thought. But if he was right about things, then McKay might not be a good choice, "Or Radek?"
Surprise, then sadness flashed across the doctor's face. "Dr. Zelenka died a few months ago on Doranda, lad." He said it gently, the way Carson always broke bad news and suddenly, briefly, this was the Carson Beckett that Sheppard knew. God, Zelenka--something else familiar that was gone. He nodded.
"Call Rodney."
Beckett put on his earbud and tapped it. "McKay."
"What do you want, Carson."
"I'm in my office with Colonel Sheppard. You need to come down here." Beckett hoped that Rodney got the message. There'd been little love lost between Beckett and Sheppard since the events with Ellia and the colonel's almost conversion to an Iratus mutant. Maybe Rodney would use that big brain of his and bring some reinforcements. Maybe Sheppard was telling the truth, and maybe he wasn't. But one thing was certain. Carson wasn't going to risk it without being sure.
"Rodney are you still there?"
McKay had been silent long enough that the doctor was certain he had figured out something was wrong.
"What? Of course I am! Busy here!"
"Rodney, this is important. You need to come down here--now."
"Fine! It's not like I have anything more important to do than come have tea with the two of you!" Beckett slumped back into the couch, picking up the cold pack and laying it back on his throbbing face.
A few minutes later, McKay signaled to be let in. The door slid open and he stepped through, took in Beckett's condition, turned toward Sheppard and stunned him before the colonel even knew what hit him.
****
"Doctors." Col. Samantha Carter stood as McKay and Beckett entered the room, motioned them to the small conference table in the corner. "Doctor Beckett, your report first."
"There's not much to tell that you don't already know. I ran into Col Sheppard outside the Infirmary early this morning and he asked to talk to me. I thought it was strange, and he had the Allotment files with him. We stepped into my office. He asked me how I could let the allotment happen." Carter stared at him and he looked away. I lost control and attacked him. And before you ask, yes, I would have killed him if he hadn't gotten the upper hand."
"I see." She wrote something down. "Go on."
"When he finally had me tied, he told me that yesterday morning when he stepped through the gate, Elizabeth Weir had been the one to wish his team 'Good luck.'. He wasn't sure if he was crazy or lost, but either way, I convinced him that it was Dr. McKay he needed to talk to, not me. He let me call Rodney down to my office."
"Rodney?" She turned to face the CSO. "What made you suspicious?"
"Oh please, Beckett and Sheppard in the same room together voluntarily? When was the last time that happened? And Carson sounded odd." He looked at the doctor's battered face as if he needed to point out the obvious. "I took one of the prototypes that we engineered from Ronon's blaster. Good thing too."
"You said he had the allotment files with him?" She was talking to Beckett again. "Where are they now?"
"Still in my office."
"You left them?"
"Oh don't worry, Colonel Carter, you secret is still safe. I locked the door. No one is getting until I tell Atlantis to open up." Carson Beckett was rarely sarcastic or condescending, but he managed both at once. Carter's eyes narrowed.
"I'll have Lorne come get them."
"Fine."
"Rodney," she turned back to McKay, dismissing Beckett's presence in her mind, "Do you think Sheppard's telling the truth? Is he from an Alternate Universe?" She had enough experience with quantum mirrors not to dismiss the possibility.
"Maybe, probably, we won't really know until we learn more about the outpost. And as usual, the Ancients make it hard to actually find out anything from the database." She opened her mouth to reprimand him, but he beat her to the mark, "Oh calm down, we're searching for whatever we can find. But it's going to take time, so you might as well accept that and stop nagging me before you even begin."
Whatever attraction Sam Carter had held for Rodney had died months ago, when she took over command of Atlantis. It was no secret that when O'Neill had been promoted and moved to Washington, that Carter wanted the head spot at SGC. But they'd brought another general in over her head. She'd made all the right noises, but she wasn't happy and everyone, including the SGC knew it. When Weir had balked at the deal with the Wraith, the IOA wanted a military leader fast and SGC had saw it as a way of sidelining Carter until they needed her again. She could cut her command teeth on the smaller, more expendable Atlantis expedition. Carter wasn't stupid. She knew she'd been thrown a bone, one designed to get her out of the hair of the old boy club. She'd arrived in Pegasus furious and it hadn't gotten better.
While McKay had found Sam the Scientist hot, he found Carter, the Military Commander to be closed-minded, arrogant and petty. The irony was that she'd used pretty much same words to make sure he was sent off to Siberia.
"Doctors, I think that's all. Beckett, let me know when Sheppard wakes up. I'm going to want to talk to him."
***
Stunnned.
Again.
He groaned, hating the heaviness and the flashes of pain that shot along his nerves as his body threw off the effects of being hit by an energy blast twice in as many days.
"He's waking up." Beckett's brogue was thicker, slurred. That's right, he'd probably broken his nose. Sorry, doc, he thought.
"Sheppard." A woman's voice but not Weir's, higher pitched and colder, more clipped than Teyla's, and a strong note of authority. "Sheppard, open your eyes."
"Typical, Carter. You think you can order him into consciousness because you're his commanding officer?" That was Rodney, and the woman was Carter, Rodney's Colonel Samantha Carter? His mind began to clear and he remembered what had gotten him into this mess. The files in his office; seeing Carter's signature scrawled across the pages where Elizabeth's should have been; seeing--his head fell back and his stomach heaved. He tried to turn, discovered that he was tied down to the bed. Luckily Beckett was there and knew what was happening. Hands grabbed his head and turned it as much as possible.
"Rodney! Untie that wrist!"
"But--"
"Do you want him to choke on his vomit? DO IT!" And just like that his arm was free and he could twist, emptying his stomach on Beckett and the floor. It wasn't much, but it was enough, and the dry heaves kept up for another few minutes. Finally, when the worst of it was over, someone pressed a straw to his lips and he sipped then spat out the water into a basin that had also magically appeared.
"Sorry, Doc." It was meant to cover more than just the mess smeared down the front of Beckett's labcoat.
The Scott patted him on the shoulder. "Never mind. You get used to it in my job." He stripped off the coat as one of the nurses came in and did a quick clean up on the floor, taking the bundled garment as well.
Rodney had retreated to the far corner, looking green. Carter was standing by the far side of the bed, glaring at the doctor, her fingers twitching with the desire to restrain Sheppard's free hand again. Finally she gave in to it, reaching over and grabbing his wrist before he could undo any of his other restraints. Caught by surprise, he tugged away but she tightened her grip. "Colonel!" Carter wasn't any easier to read than he was on a normal day. She'd apparently developed her own command face and the tone in her voice made it clear that she was in charge here. He was expected to obey.
He stopped fighting.
"Oh for crying out loud! What do you think he's going to do?" And there was Rodney, right on cue. This place was so close to normal that he felt like he was constantly having the rug pulled out from under him.
"McKay! He attacked Dr. Beckett!"
"Beckett attacked him first! What was he supposed to do, let Mother Theresa here'" he waved an arm at the CMO, "kill him?"
"Rodney!"
Carter looked furious, but Beckett just pressed his lips tighter together and ground out, "I'll just let you three work this out. You can call me if you need me." He left the isolation room, stopped one of his staff and left orders for the colonel, and started for his office. The mess inside had him turning around and heading back to his quarters. Once there, he stripped off his uniform and dug out the bottle of good scotch that he kept for special occasions. The hell with not mixing drugs and whiskey, he wanted to sleep. He'd deal with all the crap that Sheppard had stirred up later, shove it all neatly back down into a corner of his mind where he could keep pretending to ignore it.
"Way to go, McKay." Sheppard spat out. It felt good to be mad at the scientist. Felt fucking normal, even if he was lying strapped to a hospital bed.
"Oh right. Like you care. The two of you have been a hair up each other's ass ever since Wraith girl took a chunk out of you." Rodney's callous remark stunned them all into silence, and that was when Carter got it, because what Rodney said was true. Beckett and Sheppard had reached détente for the sake of the expedition, but their friendship had been destroyed, replaced with a thin veneer of civility. The look on this Sheppard's face made it obvious that wherever he was from, he and Beckett had worked all that out and McKay's taunts were as offensive to Sheppard as they were to Beckett. McKay must have seen it too, his sneer replaced by a look of genuine surprise.
Beckett woke mid afternoon with a dull throbbing in his head and a mouth that tasted like something had died in it. He stripped off on the way to the bathroom, thought the shower on and stopped by the sink long enough to down a glass of water and another pain killer. When the spray hit his face, the shock of it dragged him the rest of the way awake. He leaned against the shower wall with his head on his arms and let the water sluice over him, thinking it up as hot as he could stand it. It took a while, but the heat and the drugs started to dull the ache that gripped him from head to toe. He wanted to stay there forever, letting the water wash everything out of his body and his mind. Sighing, he finally thought the shower off.
Dressing, his eyes kept straying to the nightstand by the bed. Giving in to the inevitable, he opened the drawer and pulled out the photos. The first one was his family, taken at one family celebration or another, nothing notable except that they were all together, even him. It had to be six or seven years ago, now. His brothers and sisters and their assorted spouses were all gathered round Mum. She was smiling, looking slightly mischievous, even at 80 odd years old. Her grandchildren ranged on the ground in front of her, except for the wee ones cradled in their parents arms. That had been a grand day. He'd left for America a few weeks later, on what he thought would be the grand adventure of a lifetime.
He placed it back in the drawer and looked at the second picture. There was just one person. Teyla. She was standing half turned to the camera, caught by surprise, smiling with the sun dancing red highlights in her hair. He traced a finger over her face. "Ah lass, I'm so sorry." He'd always hoped that their friendship would lead to something more, but there'd never really been the opportunity to pursue it. Or maybe he'd just been too afraid of ruining what they already had. They'd connected on a level that was half personal, half spiritual. Her connection with the natural world had spoken to the part of him that still embraced the old spirits. Oh, he knew that some small part of him romanticized her as some sort of earth goddess. He hadn't been that far gone, that he couldn't recognize the foolishness of it. Still, she was different than the people who had come from Earth, more connected to the world she lived in, more aware of what went on beyond what her regular senses could tell her. Even Rodney, with all his understanding of the mechanics of the universe, didn't have the kind of knowledge that Teyla understood on an instinctual level.
Sighing, he put her picture away as well. It was time to get some answers.
****
The lights in the isolation room were dimmed and it looked like Sheppard was asleep. He slipped in and started to check vitals. Keeping Sheppard here wasn't strictly a medical necessity, but he had a feeling that if he didn't, Carter would have him in a cell in no time. Touching Sheppard woke him. Beckett had order a mild sedative and it had been given shortly after his departure. Whatever had gone on, it didn't look like he'd missed much.
"Ummm--"
"Colonel."
"Carson?" Beckett pushed down the reflexive flare of anger at hearing Sheppard use his first name.
"Aye, it's me, lad. How are you feeling?"
"Need to pee." Beckett stopped, stared at him. "Carson?" Sheppard mentally raised the lights to see better.
The casual familiarity and trust kept knocking the doctor off balance. He kept having to remind himself that this probably wasn't the real Sheppard, not their Sheppard. "Let's get you untied then." Unbuckling the restraints meant that he didn't have to make eye contact.
"Are you sure you want to do that?"
"Aye, I'm sure." There it was again. Sheppard was willing to suffer the humiliation of having someone help him use a urinal if it would save Beckett from any more trouble. Suddenly he wanted to be the Carson Beckett that this man remembered, the one from before, not the one he'd become over the last few months.
Sheppard headed for the bathroom and the doctor asked one of the nurses to order a tray from the mess. He was hungry and he suspected the other man was too. He called through the bathroom door, "I ordered us some food."
"Thanks."
Waiting, the silence between them was awkward. It gave Sheppard a chance to get a good look at his handiwork. "Look, Doc, I'm really sorry about--" He pointed awkwardly at Beckett's face, but was saved from having to say anything more when the tray arrived. Sheppard smiled when he spotted a turkey sandwich. Eating bought them a few more minutes but then both of them knew that it was time to talk. Clearing away the debris of the meal, Beckett started, hands shoved in his uniform jacket, unable to make eye contact. "You must think we're monsters."
"I--I--how can you do it?"
"Oh lad, do you think this is something I want to do? Do you think I don't go to bed hating myself every damn night?" It was all written on the doctor's face, anger, fear, self-loathing.
"Maybe you should just start from the beginning?"
"Aye," he thought for a moment, then continued, "Where you come from, did the Wraith attack the city after the first year here?"
"Yeah, three hive ships, darts, Wraith in the city. Ford--" he swallowed the lump that rose in his throat, "and Everett almost dead." Beckett was nodding. "The Daedalus showed up at the last second with a ZPM, saved us and kept me from blowing myself up."
"Did McKay use the ZPM to cloak the city?"
"Yeah, Caldwell blew a nuke over the shield and McKay switched us over to the cloak." They were painful memories, but a little distance helped, so much more had happened since then. So you too?"
"Aye--yes. We thought we were home free, the Wraith hive ships left and we started to clean up, made plans for hiding Atlantis permanently under the cloak."
"No more Atlantis patches, never dialing directly back in, always through one of the alpha sites." Sheppard was restless, stood up and started pacing. He hated being confined in the isolation room, even though he knew he was probably lucky not to be in the brig. "So what happened to Elizabeth? How did you end up with Carter?" He was too impatient to keep reciting their shared history. He wanted to know what had gone differently here.
"That happened when the SGC took the ZPM back." Rodney answered the question as he and Colonel Carter walked through the door. "See," he smirked at Sam, "I told you Beckett would be down here playing Angel of Mercy."
Sheppard stopped mid-step, annoyed at McKay but even more shocked by what he'd said. "They took the ZPM? But that was--they just wrote us off?!" It was hard not to identify with this version of the expedition too.
"McKay!" Carter glared at him, "Why not just tell him everything?"
"Oh please," He rolled his eyes and spit back, "What difference does it make? It's not like he's going to sell us out to Wraith." He narrowed his eyes, daring her to say anything. Sheppard heard the words he hadn't said, 'We've already done that.' Carter met his glare head on and didn't budge and he finally turned back to Sheppard and Beckett, who had been watching, waiting for the next fireworks in the volatile exchange.
"Colonel," Carter spoke but she still kept her eyes on McKay, "I take it that your version of the expedition kept the ZPM on Atlantis."
He nodded his head, "Yeah, we did." The next couple of hours, he spent answering her questions and not getting any answers of his own. She wanted to know everything about how they'd survived, who their contacts were. By that time, McKay was complaining about being hungry, and Sheppard's head was throbbing. Beckett looked at him and declared an end to the proceedings. Carter wasn't happy, but she gave in.
"Well continue this in the morning. Doctor, I need to speak to you." Beckett sighed, and stepped out of the room with her, expecting to be on the receiving end of one of her command rants for even talking to Sheppard without permission. Instead all she said was, "Feed him, drug him, and we'll start again in the morning. I don't want any trouble out of him tonight." She turned around and walked out. Beckett reminded himself that once upon a time, back at the SGC, he'd actually liked and admired the woman, then went to the medicine cabinet, filled a syringe and pocketed it and went back to his patient.
"Colonel, would you like to go to the mess for dinner? Get out of this room?"
Anyone who knew Sheppard could read the 'God yes!' on his face. "Uh, yeah. But I'll need some clothes. Mind if we stop by my room?" Scrubs were one of the things that everyone knew annoyed Sheppard. He suffered wearing them in the Infirmary, but once released he'd be out of them as quickly as possible. Sheppard smiled for the first time in days, "You coming, McKay?" Rodney looked at him but shrugged. Sheppard's face lit even more "Hey, call Ronon and Teyla. I'd like to meet your version of them." Carson had been walking out of the isolation room when Sheppard spoke. He stopped suddenly in the doorway, hand tight on the frame, then rushed out.
"What the--" Conversations in this place were like mine fields. He was about to follow after the man when McKay's hand shot out and stopped him. "What?" He glared at the physicist.
"Ronon's dead." McKay visibly deflated, dropping into a chair and running his hands across his face before he continued with the bad news. He'd been on edge about the team since Carter had grilled Sheppard earlier. It didn't take a genius to know that the news about their former teammates wasn't going to be well-received. "Teyla is spending time at Cheyenne Mountain as a 'guest' of the Stargate Command."
Sheppard froze, eyes locked on McKay, his mind trying to take in what the man had just said. He hadn't gotten to know Ronon well. It was hard getting past the wall built up over seven years of running. But he'd liked him well enough, and the Runner knew a lot about how the Wraith operated as individuals. It gave them a tactical advantage in a lot of tight spots. And Teyla-- my god, they'd taken her hostage. They couldn't want her for her knowledge, as little as it was. He was afraid to ask why she was gone but McKay seemed to know the question was coming, "She disagreed with some of the decisions being made. Wanted to leave Atlantis and take her people back to Athos. The IOA wasn't excited about the idea of her spreading news about us."
"You let them do that?" He pulled McKay up and backed him to the wall, pushed hard at his chest and pinned him there with a hand at his throat. "She was team!"
Sheppard kept up the pressure on McKay's throat barely giving him enough air to speak, "You think I had any say in it? You think Samantha fucking Carter and the IOA asked me what to do?"
"Yeah McKay, I do," He shoved again, "I saw the damn files in my office Rodney. You know, the ones marked 'Monthly Allotment'. I saw your damn signature on the lists, McKay." He let go of the scientist and stalked to the bed and shoved it across the floor. "Goddamn it!" He shouted, hoping it would help. If he didn't hit something soon he was going to lose it, "How the hell do you people live with yourselves? No wonder Beckett wanted to kill me." Then he stopped, struck with a horrible thought. "How did Ronon die?"
Rodney had sunk to the floor. Sitting there he felt a million years old, weighed down by the decisions that had been forced on him. He took in Sheppard's rigid shoulders, his righteous anger and wished that he could fault the man for it, but he couldn't. Still, how could Sheppard even think it. He had to know that Rodney could never have betrayed Ronon like that. "It was when Ford took us prisoner. Ronon was getting too strong on the enzyme and Ford was losing control of him so he shot Ronon as a 'lesson' to us."
Sheppard leaned in against the wall, let the words wash over him. He needed to figure out if he could believe what McKay was saying, or if it even mattered whether it was true at this point. Ronon was dead and Teyla might as well be. He wanted out of here, back to his own universe, no matter how screwed up it was. This one was like some sick joke where every time he thought things couldn't get worse, they did, just to prove him wrong. He turned around, leaning back and closing his eyes. Might as well go for broke.
"What about the Wraith?"
Rodney looked up from where his head had been resting on his knees. Whatever life Sheppard was used to seeing in those blue eyes was gone. All that was left was anger and self-loathing. He should have seen it earlier. "Who the hell are you to judge us? You had your ZPM, you could stay hidden. What were we supposed to do when another hive ship came looking for us?"
"Not that!"
"Then what? You tell me, Sheppard, because there wasn't any pulling a last minute trick out of my ass. I couldn't save us and Carson was giving out suicide pills to anyone who asked. The only thing that kept us alive was that this Queen is smarter than most of the others." He still hadn't moved from his spot on the floor "She offered us a deal like the one she had with Olesia."
"How many?" He choked it out, afraid to know how many lives they'd traded. It had taken a while, looking at the lists, but he'd figured it out. It was mostly criminals, the old, the infirm, even Wraith worshipers who were loyal to other hives. No children though, and no women of childbearing age. That was what had finally tipped him off. You don't kill off the breeding stock or the next generation. The 'orphans' were fostered out after Beckett drugged them and wiped their memories of anything to do with Atlantis.
"Five hundred every three months. It's protection for 17 planets in this sector." McKay's chin jutted out, daring Sheppard to tell him that the safety of 17 planets wasn't worth the sacrifice.
"Your Sheppard--did he go along with this?"
"Yes, Colonel, he did. When S'hva made her proposal Weir refused right away, but Sheppard knew that it was the only out we had. He had Atlantis lock her in her quarters and sent an emergency message through to the SGC. The IOA sent Carter through to take over the next morning. She ordered Carson to keep Elizabeth sedated and they sent her back to Earth the next time the gate was opened. Teyla tried to leave a few days later and Carter had her sent through in the middle of the night."
"Beckett?"
"Oh he tried to refuse, but the SGC sent a databurst with snapshots of his family. Pictures of all of them, the kids, his mother. Everyone. The message was pretty clear."
"You could stop this, Rodney. You're smart enough to figure out a way."
"Your confidence in me is flattering Colonel, but the answer is 'no'."
"But it's wrong, damnit!"
"And who's going to find a way to stop the Wraith if I'm dead, Sheppard? Who's going to find a ZPM or two so we can cloak and shield the city? Carson with his crusade to find the voodoo magic bullet that will turn the Wraith back into humans? As ugly as the truth is, I'm it and those people are the price for keeping me and everyone here who's going to help me, alive."
"And everyone here has agreed to this?" He'd wanted to believe that the expedition was better than that.
"Oh don't be stupid! Only a few of us know. Carter, you, Beckett, Lorne, the officials on the various planets." Sheppard opened his mouth to ask how they'd kept it a secret, but Rodney was ahead of him, "It all happens off world. There are teams of 'bounty hunters' who go to different planets looking for the scum that most places want to get rid of but can't. When they can't fill the quota that way, we look for known Wraith worshiping planets and if we have to, we use refugees from culled worlds. The allotted are stunned, picked up at night and transported to a planet with a modified gate that can only be accessed from a space gate. There's no DHD, so you have to be able to fly a jumper to dial back out. We give them food, water, clothing and shelter, and when there are enough, we contact the hive. The Marines who do the work never come to Atlantis. The Daedalus takes care of supplying them."
***
Sheppard lay in the dark for hours, thinking. Turning it around and around in his head, he couldn't come to any answers other than wanting to get the hell out of here. He fumbled for the ear bud that McKay had left him earlier.
"You need to get me back to my own universe, McKay."
It was near 0200 hours but the physicist was still awake. "Don't count on that happening any time soon."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"It means that it's up to Carter, but she and Sheppard don't get along all that well. She's going to want to keep you around for a while, make excuses about 'debriefing' you, just so she doesn't have to deal with him."
"Is that like Teyla being a 'guest'?"
"How fast you get back probably depends on how much trouble you are to her. Then again, she could just shoot you."
Sheppard changed the subject. "Thanks, I don't suppose you've figured out how this happened?"
"Oh wait, could it have something to do with that energy beam you got hit with?"
Sheppard wasn't in the mood for the sarcasm at this point. "McKay."
"Look, the one reference I've found, refers to it a research tool, but that could mean anything. If you want answers, you'll have wait until I find out more. If not, then it's a crap shoot. Actually, since the Ancients did this, it's probably a crap shoot either way."
"Did you find Carson?"
"I told you, I'm not his keeper, Colonel. Mother Theresa will come back when he's ready." Sheppard could almost see Rodney wave a dismissive hand but he could hear him start typing commands into his laptop anyway.
"What's with you, McKay? Where I come from you two are pretty good friends. You were friends in Antarctica, right?"
"Yeah, well, as you've pointed out, Colonel, Alternate Universe. Survival has its price."
McKay located Beckett on one of the obscure balconies. He came for Sheppard then led the colonel the long way around, avoiding Carter or anyone who might report back to her. They found him staring out at the ocean, an Athosian blanket wrapped around his shoulders against the night chill.
"Doc." Sheppard wasn't sure the other man had heard them arrive, but then Beckett turned around, not at all surprised to find Rodney there as well.
"Gentlemen."
"How you doin', Carson.?"
"Lousy, Colonel, but that's been true for a while now. Surely the two of you didn't go to the trouble of tracking me down to ask about my welfare."
Rodney stepped forward. "Genius catching pneumonia here! Can we get to the point and go somewhere warm?"
"What is the point, Rodney, other than disturbing my peace and quiet?" Beckett pulled the blanket tighter and leaned back against the railing.
"The colonel here wants to go home. I say we send him--"
"Before Colonel Carter can order us not to?"
"Something like that."
"Colonel, are you okay with this?"
"Rodney's told me the risks. Worst that happens is I don't make it."
"Is that worse than being stuck here, lad?" Beckett was watching him for the answer.
Sheppard rubbed the back of his neck and gave an embarrassed grimace. "Yeah, Doc, I think it is."
****
Beckett didn't really know what he was there for. Sheppard had flown the jumper and Rodney had kept the Gateroom crew from locking the gate before they could dial out. Now that they were here, McKay had no more idea of what was going to happen this time when Sheppard walked through that door, than he'd had the last time. Waiting for Rodney to finish with whatever he was doing, he couldn't help but offer up a wish, "Wouldn't it be nice if this once Pegasus made something bloody simple?"
Rodney snorted as he watched the energy signature from the building change every second or two. He was surprised to see the pattern slowly evolve until it finally settled into the one he'd recorded the first time they were there.
"Huh. Colonel, I think that's you cue." He pointed at the display. Sheppard looked over his shoulder, then at the doorway.
"Good luck, lad." Beckett patted Sheppard's shoulder. "I wish I was going with you, but I don't suppose there's room for two Carson Beckett's in your world."
"I'm sorry, Doc. I wish there was."
"Never mind, you just get home safe."
Sheppard turned to McKay, "Thanks, Rodney. I hope Carter doesn't make your life too difficult after this." He held out his hand and the other man shook it, looking like he wanted to say something but the moment passed, the words left unspoken. Sheppard turned and headed for the doorway.
"Sheppard!" Rodney waited for the man to stop and look over his shoulder. "Good Luck."
"You too, Rodney. I hope you find your answers soon." And with that he walked through the doorway and into oblivion.
****
John was sitting on his bed, picking out a tune on the guitar when Rodney showed up. "Hey, McKay, what can I do for you?"
"It's time for your debrief."
"Great." It was anything but. He had a feeling this was going to be even worse than talking with Old Elizabeth.
"I thought you might want to know that we finally found the database entry for the installation."
"So what did the Ancients come up with this time?" He put down the guitar and slid back on the bed, making room for Rodney to sit.
"It's listed in the database as a research tool. But we didn't know what that meant, exactly."
"That's what the other you said."
He did? Rodney frowned, unhappy that someone else would come up with his answer, but it wasn't really someone else, it was him, just not him, him. This was why he hated alternate universes. It was so hard to figure out what was real and what wasn't--his real, the other Rodney's real, it made his brain hurt.
"Anyway, I finally found a description of it in a section of the database that roughly translates as 'Really stupid ideas we wish we'd never thought of.'" Sheppard laughed, and it was good to hear. The man had been somber and aloof for days.
"So what was this particular bad idea?"
"They created a dialer that could access alternate universes, something like a quantum mirror with a redial function." McKay's hands waved around, sketching out the idea in thin air, "They decided that it would be a great idea to visit universes where they had made different choices and find out what the alternate outcome was."
"I don't know, Rodney. It doesn't sound like such a bad idea to me." He picked up the guitar again and idly started strumming. "I mean, that could be a real help in some situations, let you fix a problem before it gets out of control." He looked down, picked out a run, "Why'd they put it on M2X - 193? instead of Atlantis?"
"Oh, that's easy. They didn't want tons of alternates walking around. You see the device was made to switch people between universes. So you had to have the same person in the same place at the same time in whatever alternate universe you dialed. The dialer only connects with another one that's being used at the same time, in some other universe. That's why we had the other you here."
"So what, they put it somewhere that was hard to get to, where they could control access, and then they figured that enough alternate universes would do the same thing that they could connect with their dialers?"
"That's pretty much it. A crapshoot. You triggered our dialer when you walked through the doorway, just like the other Sheppard did." Rodney reached down and put his hands over the strings of the guitar. "You do know you're a lousy guitar player, right?"
Sheppard smiled, "Yeah, I do." But it didn't stop him, "So why was it such a stupid idea?"
"Well, to start with, you're limited to the universes that mostly think like you. So you aren't going to get any really innovative solutions to problems."
"I don't know, seems like even small differences can have major effects." Like the SGC demanding the ZPM back in that other universe. He shivered.
"I suppose." He waved dismissively, as if it was a minor consideration, "It turns out that most of the people who came back freaked out. The data files show they couldn't handle some of the choices that their alternate selves had made, or seeing what bad choices they'd made in their own reality." Sheppard had stopped strumming and was staring off into space, biting his lower lip. He finally realized that Rodney had stopped talking and looked at him, embarrassed for having drifted off.
"Was it--.ummm, was it that way? For you?" There was real distress in McKay's voice, "The other Sheppard. I didn't much like him."
"I don't think I did either, Rodney."
"That sucks."
"Yeah, it does." He laid the guitar on the bed and got up to look out the window, "He made a lot of choices that I'd like to think I couldn't. But he's me, Rodney, just me, stuck in a really bad place. And part of me can see how they got where they were. They made a deal with the Wraith. Like on Olesia.""
"Well, yeah, we know that. Remember, other John was here." Rodney sighed, and leaned his elbows on his knees. "They?" Sheppard nodded.
"So I was part of it too?"
"'Fraid so. He hadn't told anyone the details yet. Hadn't wanted them to know how far lost they could get if they wanted to. He tried to imagine other John coping with Rodney, Radek, Elizabeth, Caron, Ronon and Teyla. Maybe that other John Sheppard was freaking out right now, just like Rodney described.
John looked at Rodney and asked, "How did you guys figure it out?"
"We didn't at first, at least not until he woke up from the energy blast." Rodney started pulling up the security feeds from the Infirmary, on his laptop. "Seeing Radek and Elizabeth sort of gave it away." And there he was, on the screen, shouting out their names while being manhandled back into one of the isolation rooms. "At first we thought you were crazy, that the energy blast had scrambled what passes for your brains."
"But you figured it out." Sheppard looked away from the images, they made him uncomfortable.
"Yeah, genius here, you know?"
"Yeah. Thanks McKay." He cocked his head. "What made you decide to try and send me back?"
"Are you kidding?" McKay snorted, "Once the other you started telling us about his Atlantis, I was ready to have him walk through that doorway every five seconds from now 'til eternity, to get you back."
Sheppard laughed at that. "I just bet you would."
"How did you find out?"
"Paperwork."
"Paperwork?"
"Yeah, believe it or not."
"This is a story I have to hear."
"No, Rodney, trust me, you don't. But I don't suppose I have much choice."
McKay shook his head and stood up. Stepping back to let Sheppard leave the room first.
"Well, then let's get this over with. I only want to tell it once." He had a feeling that by the end of his report, none of them was going to be happy. The only consolation was that as bad as he felt, knowing how wrong he could go, they all could go, it was good to know that so far, they'd made the right decisions. That had to count for something. He spared a moment to think about the other Sheppard, other Rodney and Carson and hoped that somehow, they would at least find each other again.
Author: misty4me
Prompt: Paperwork & Documents
Word Count: 9000
Rating: R for language
Warnings/Spoilers: Some through season two.
Summary: This is an AU that takes place late in season 2, a few months after Lost Boys. How far would the expedition go to survive?
Sheppard was unconscious when they brought him back through the gate, slumped between his teammates, pale and sweating. So it came as something of a surprise to him when he was released from the infirmary just a few hours later by a brusque Carson Beckett . He'd woken up with no memory of how he got there. Once enough of the fog had cleared from his head to take inventory of his surroundings he called out for whoever was nearest. That turned out to be Carson, who walked in scowling, or something close to it. "Colonel, you're awake. How are you feeling?"
He'd been through this enough times to run down the list of symptoms, telling the Scottsman what he needed to know, and this time not really lying about most of it.
"So you don't remember what happened off world?" Beckett was sitting in the chair by the bed, writing notes on his chart, having done a check of the other man's vitals.
"Last thing I remember is walking into that Ancient building, Doc." Beckett looked up at him, his frown deepening.
"Well, as far as I can tell you're fine, Colonel." He stood up, "I'd have you stay overnight for observation, but I know you'll fight it. So I'll release you as long as you go back to your quarters and get some sleep. Oh, and light duty for the next two days." He went on to explain that light duty specifically meant no sparring, exercise, or running for the next 52 hours. The truth be told, John was suffering from a hell of a headache and he was perfectly happy to head back to his quarters. Beckett had already contacted Rodney to bring some clean clothes so there was nothing to do but wait and try to shake off the throbbing in his head and the lingering discomfort in his muscles.
Fifteen minutes later he was dressed, talking to Rodney as he waited for Beckett to sign his release papers. The CSO frowned and rolled his eyes, "So you don't remember walking into that room and getting hit with some sort of energy burst?" It wasn't clear whether McKay was more annoyed at him getting nailed by ancient tech again, or at the fact that this time the scientist couldn't really say anything about it because, literally, all Sheppard had done was walk into the room, and he'd done it when Rodney told him to.
Rodney walked Sheppard to his quarters, made sure he was settled and took off for his lab, pleading the need to go see what sense he could make of the readings they'd recorded before having to hotfoot it back through the gate carrying the colonel. That left Sheppard to his own devices but no matter that he was exhausted and needed some rest, sleep wouldn't come. After an hour of laying in bed, staring at the darkness with his mind refusing to settle, he gave up. Normally he'd go for a run or hunt up Teyla and Ronon for some late night sparring, but since Carson had made a point of telling him to take it easy for the next two days he thought better of it. He wasn't averse to ignoring Beckett's admonishments if he thought he knew better, but the man had been unusually blunt with him. He figured that the doctor had probably let them and his XO know that the gym and running were off limits. He wandered into the bathroom and splashed cold water on his face, then slid on some sweats and t-shirt.
It was only 2200 hours, not late by Rodney's standards. Snagging his earpiece from the nightstand, he tapped it, "Hey, McKay."
"Colonel, aren't you supposed to be resting?" Rodney sounded grumpy.
"I can't sleep. How about a game of chess?" The snort that answered him was followed by a typical McKayesque rant.
"Some of us have a job to do, Colonel. And considering that you've already taken up most of my day by dragging me off on a wild ZPM chase, getting stunned and needing to be rescued, you'll understand if I don't really have the time to come babysit you."
Ouch. John frowned. Sure, he'd expected the rant, but at the end, he'd also expected Rodney to say 'Yes'.
"Uh, sure, McKay. Maybe some other time." He signed off and figured that maybe it was just as well. First Carson, now Rodney, it seemed like everyone was in a bad mood. He sat on the bed for a minute or two then came to the inevitable conclusion. It was a sad day in Atlantis when paperwork was his best option for overcoming insomnia. Swapping his sweats for BDUs, he headed to his office. Paper had always been a precious commodity on the expedition, so most of their 'paperwork' was done electronically and he could have worked over the network, but that wouldn't give him the opportunity of at least taking a walk.
The next time Sheppard called Rodney there were files scattered across his desktop and the sun was coming up over the horizon. He'd spent hours trying to figure out what he was reading and everything pointed to a conclusion that he just didn't want to believe. Using a private channel, he tried to raise the McKay but got no answer. It was a hell of a time for McKay to decide he needed sleep. A second call went unanswered, like the first. With the vague thought of finding the CSO, he packed up the files he'd been reading and headed for the Gateroom. He needed answers and he was too keyed up to wait. Chuck was on night duty and nodded to him. "Colonel," he smiled, "I heard what happened today. Glad you're okay." The Canadian's politeness was soothing.
"Boss in yet?" That got him an odd look.
"Umm, a bit early for her, sir." The sun hadn't made it through the Gateroom windows yet. It was dark enough that Chuck was still using the console light to monitor the information scrolling across his screen. "Anything I can help you with, Sir?" The windows from the office up on the balcony were dark.
Sheppard shook his head, "No, thanks." He headed upstairs anyway, stopping in front of the door. Chuck watched from below while the other man stood there for a good minute, just staring at the door in front of him. Then just as abruptly as he'd stopped, the colonel was gone again, leaving past the conference room out the upper doors.
He walked, not really sure where he was going. To find Rodney, he'd thought. But then somehow he found himself outside the Infirmary in time to run into Beckett coming off duty. The doctor took his turn at being on call, like the rest of his staff. There were just too few of them to pull rank. Those nights he slept on a cot in a back room. John knew there was no hiding that he'd been up all night, so he didn't even try. Beckett had just opened his mouth to start dressing him down when Sheppard interrupted him, "Carson, do you have a minute?"
"Colonel." Beckett's eyes narrowed, took in the bruised eyes, disheveled clothes and the stack of red-edged file folders that the Military Commander of Atlantis was holding. He schooled his face into something approaching neutrality, "Very well." They headed back into the infirmary, to the CMO's office, and Sheppard made sure to mentally lock the door.
With the two of them alone, Beckett rounded on him, "What did you want to discuss, Colonel?" Faced with the same unspoken anger he'd detected earlier in the day, Sheppard floundered a bit before he thrust the folders towards the CMO and blurted out, "It's these." Beckett recoiled, putting as much distance between him and the files as the small office would allow.
"What about them?" He spat it out, clearly angry now.
Sheppard held the stack out, "Why? Why would you let this--"
He never got the chance to finish. "You right bloody bastard!" Beckett was on him in a flash, catching Sheppard with a tackle, pinning him to the floor and wrapping his hands around the other man's throat. "After everything you've fucking cost me, you have the bloody balls to come in here playing some kind of sick game." The doctor was tightening his grip, applying pressure in a way that both men knew could kill the colonel easily. Instinct and training took over. Sheppard managed to land a palm against the doctor's nose. Blood spattered everywhere but the man moved, his weight shifting as he reached up to cradle his face. Sheppard shifted, twisted his body and used his legs for leverage. Within seconds their positions were reversed, only the soldier had grabbed Beckett's hands and pinned them above his head.
"Damnit, Carson, calm down." But the doctor was having none of it. He struggled against Sheppard until the blood draining down his throat started to choke him. The only thing that had kept anyone from hearing them was the Ancient construction that made most rooms totally soundproof. But sooner or later Sheppard knew he was going to have to leave and once the door was open Beckett would yell his head off. He needed a way to make the man calm down and listen to him.
"Sorry to do this--" He shifted his weight and kneed the doctor in the groin hard enough to make him jolt with the pain and curl in on himself. It gave Sheppard the time he needed to grab the doctor's earpiece and tie his wrists with the belt he had on. There was water on the desk so he set a mug down within Beckett's reach, then pushed the desk against the door and settled down to wait, back against the opposite wall, watching as the pained rocking slowly gave way to silent stillness. Beckett's shoulders eventually relaxed but he just lay there ignoring John's presence behind him. Maybe, John thought, he was hoping that John would just leave. No way that was happening.
"Carson. I know you can hear me." And the tension was back, just like that, but he kept up the same steady breathing, stubbornly staying on the floor with his back to Sheppard, trying to put an invisible wall between them. "Look, I'm sorry. I didn't want to do that." John knew he was sounding increasingly desperate but not even that got any reaction. "Damn it!" There had to be some way to get the man to listen to him. Sheppard ran his hands through his hair. How the heck was he supposed to explain what was going through his head? "You're going to think I'm crazy. Hell, I think I'm crazy." He couldn't stay still any longer, pushed off the wall and started to pace in the small space, rubbing his hand behind his neck as he went, "Look, yesterday morning when my team went through the gate, Elizabeth Weir stood up on the balcony and wished us luck--"
Beckett rolled over, having his hands tied made it slow and awkward. "Dr. Weir saw you off?"
"Yeah,"
"But that's not possible, she's--."
Sheppard stopped walking and looked at him, "Yeah, I know."
"If what you're saying is true then--"
Sheppard interrupted,
"Yeah, either I'm crazy or this isn't my Atlantis."
"I think you might be right."
Beckett was sitting on the couch in his office with a cold pack on his face. It did nothing to help the black bruises forming around both eyes, but at least it was stopping the worst of the swelling. He'd accepted that little bit of help from the colonel but still wasn't letting him any closer than he had too. Sheppard was clearly violent and maybe delusional. He really needed help here. "Colonel, you've got to admit that your story sounds crazy even for Pegasus." It hurt Beckett to move too much, but he sat up a little straighter, reaching for his earbud. Sheppard stopped him, snatching it away. Carson snapped out a slightly slurred,
"I think we need to call Rodney."
Sheppard hesitated. "Look Colonel, if what you're saying is true then this probably isn't a something I can do anything about. You're going to need Rodney."
Maybe, Sheppard thought. But if he was right about things, then McKay might not be a good choice, "Or Radek?"
Surprise, then sadness flashed across the doctor's face. "Dr. Zelenka died a few months ago on Doranda, lad." He said it gently, the way Carson always broke bad news and suddenly, briefly, this was the Carson Beckett that Sheppard knew. God, Zelenka--something else familiar that was gone. He nodded.
"Call Rodney."
Beckett put on his earbud and tapped it. "McKay."
"What do you want, Carson."
"I'm in my office with Colonel Sheppard. You need to come down here." Beckett hoped that Rodney got the message. There'd been little love lost between Beckett and Sheppard since the events with Ellia and the colonel's almost conversion to an Iratus mutant. Maybe Rodney would use that big brain of his and bring some reinforcements. Maybe Sheppard was telling the truth, and maybe he wasn't. But one thing was certain. Carson wasn't going to risk it without being sure.
"Rodney are you still there?"
McKay had been silent long enough that the doctor was certain he had figured out something was wrong.
"What? Of course I am! Busy here!"
"Rodney, this is important. You need to come down here--now."
"Fine! It's not like I have anything more important to do than come have tea with the two of you!" Beckett slumped back into the couch, picking up the cold pack and laying it back on his throbbing face.
A few minutes later, McKay signaled to be let in. The door slid open and he stepped through, took in Beckett's condition, turned toward Sheppard and stunned him before the colonel even knew what hit him.
****
"Doctors." Col. Samantha Carter stood as McKay and Beckett entered the room, motioned them to the small conference table in the corner. "Doctor Beckett, your report first."
"There's not much to tell that you don't already know. I ran into Col Sheppard outside the Infirmary early this morning and he asked to talk to me. I thought it was strange, and he had the Allotment files with him. We stepped into my office. He asked me how I could let the allotment happen." Carter stared at him and he looked away. I lost control and attacked him. And before you ask, yes, I would have killed him if he hadn't gotten the upper hand."
"I see." She wrote something down. "Go on."
"When he finally had me tied, he told me that yesterday morning when he stepped through the gate, Elizabeth Weir had been the one to wish his team 'Good luck.'. He wasn't sure if he was crazy or lost, but either way, I convinced him that it was Dr. McKay he needed to talk to, not me. He let me call Rodney down to my office."
"Rodney?" She turned to face the CSO. "What made you suspicious?"
"Oh please, Beckett and Sheppard in the same room together voluntarily? When was the last time that happened? And Carson sounded odd." He looked at the doctor's battered face as if he needed to point out the obvious. "I took one of the prototypes that we engineered from Ronon's blaster. Good thing too."
"You said he had the allotment files with him?" She was talking to Beckett again. "Where are they now?"
"Still in my office."
"You left them?"
"Oh don't worry, Colonel Carter, you secret is still safe. I locked the door. No one is getting until I tell Atlantis to open up." Carson Beckett was rarely sarcastic or condescending, but he managed both at once. Carter's eyes narrowed.
"I'll have Lorne come get them."
"Fine."
"Rodney," she turned back to McKay, dismissing Beckett's presence in her mind, "Do you think Sheppard's telling the truth? Is he from an Alternate Universe?" She had enough experience with quantum mirrors not to dismiss the possibility.
"Maybe, probably, we won't really know until we learn more about the outpost. And as usual, the Ancients make it hard to actually find out anything from the database." She opened her mouth to reprimand him, but he beat her to the mark, "Oh calm down, we're searching for whatever we can find. But it's going to take time, so you might as well accept that and stop nagging me before you even begin."
Whatever attraction Sam Carter had held for Rodney had died months ago, when she took over command of Atlantis. It was no secret that when O'Neill had been promoted and moved to Washington, that Carter wanted the head spot at SGC. But they'd brought another general in over her head. She'd made all the right noises, but she wasn't happy and everyone, including the SGC knew it. When Weir had balked at the deal with the Wraith, the IOA wanted a military leader fast and SGC had saw it as a way of sidelining Carter until they needed her again. She could cut her command teeth on the smaller, more expendable Atlantis expedition. Carter wasn't stupid. She knew she'd been thrown a bone, one designed to get her out of the hair of the old boy club. She'd arrived in Pegasus furious and it hadn't gotten better.
While McKay had found Sam the Scientist hot, he found Carter, the Military Commander to be closed-minded, arrogant and petty. The irony was that she'd used pretty much same words to make sure he was sent off to Siberia.
"Doctors, I think that's all. Beckett, let me know when Sheppard wakes up. I'm going to want to talk to him."
***
Stunnned.
Again.
He groaned, hating the heaviness and the flashes of pain that shot along his nerves as his body threw off the effects of being hit by an energy blast twice in as many days.
"He's waking up." Beckett's brogue was thicker, slurred. That's right, he'd probably broken his nose. Sorry, doc, he thought.
"Sheppard." A woman's voice but not Weir's, higher pitched and colder, more clipped than Teyla's, and a strong note of authority. "Sheppard, open your eyes."
"Typical, Carter. You think you can order him into consciousness because you're his commanding officer?" That was Rodney, and the woman was Carter, Rodney's Colonel Samantha Carter? His mind began to clear and he remembered what had gotten him into this mess. The files in his office; seeing Carter's signature scrawled across the pages where Elizabeth's should have been; seeing--his head fell back and his stomach heaved. He tried to turn, discovered that he was tied down to the bed. Luckily Beckett was there and knew what was happening. Hands grabbed his head and turned it as much as possible.
"Rodney! Untie that wrist!"
"But--"
"Do you want him to choke on his vomit? DO IT!" And just like that his arm was free and he could twist, emptying his stomach on Beckett and the floor. It wasn't much, but it was enough, and the dry heaves kept up for another few minutes. Finally, when the worst of it was over, someone pressed a straw to his lips and he sipped then spat out the water into a basin that had also magically appeared.
"Sorry, Doc." It was meant to cover more than just the mess smeared down the front of Beckett's labcoat.
The Scott patted him on the shoulder. "Never mind. You get used to it in my job." He stripped off the coat as one of the nurses came in and did a quick clean up on the floor, taking the bundled garment as well.
Rodney had retreated to the far corner, looking green. Carter was standing by the far side of the bed, glaring at the doctor, her fingers twitching with the desire to restrain Sheppard's free hand again. Finally she gave in to it, reaching over and grabbing his wrist before he could undo any of his other restraints. Caught by surprise, he tugged away but she tightened her grip. "Colonel!" Carter wasn't any easier to read than he was on a normal day. She'd apparently developed her own command face and the tone in her voice made it clear that she was in charge here. He was expected to obey.
He stopped fighting.
"Oh for crying out loud! What do you think he's going to do?" And there was Rodney, right on cue. This place was so close to normal that he felt like he was constantly having the rug pulled out from under him.
"McKay! He attacked Dr. Beckett!"
"Beckett attacked him first! What was he supposed to do, let Mother Theresa here'" he waved an arm at the CMO, "kill him?"
"Rodney!"
Carter looked furious, but Beckett just pressed his lips tighter together and ground out, "I'll just let you three work this out. You can call me if you need me." He left the isolation room, stopped one of his staff and left orders for the colonel, and started for his office. The mess inside had him turning around and heading back to his quarters. Once there, he stripped off his uniform and dug out the bottle of good scotch that he kept for special occasions. The hell with not mixing drugs and whiskey, he wanted to sleep. He'd deal with all the crap that Sheppard had stirred up later, shove it all neatly back down into a corner of his mind where he could keep pretending to ignore it.
"Way to go, McKay." Sheppard spat out. It felt good to be mad at the scientist. Felt fucking normal, even if he was lying strapped to a hospital bed.
"Oh right. Like you care. The two of you have been a hair up each other's ass ever since Wraith girl took a chunk out of you." Rodney's callous remark stunned them all into silence, and that was when Carter got it, because what Rodney said was true. Beckett and Sheppard had reached détente for the sake of the expedition, but their friendship had been destroyed, replaced with a thin veneer of civility. The look on this Sheppard's face made it obvious that wherever he was from, he and Beckett had worked all that out and McKay's taunts were as offensive to Sheppard as they were to Beckett. McKay must have seen it too, his sneer replaced by a look of genuine surprise.
Beckett woke mid afternoon with a dull throbbing in his head and a mouth that tasted like something had died in it. He stripped off on the way to the bathroom, thought the shower on and stopped by the sink long enough to down a glass of water and another pain killer. When the spray hit his face, the shock of it dragged him the rest of the way awake. He leaned against the shower wall with his head on his arms and let the water sluice over him, thinking it up as hot as he could stand it. It took a while, but the heat and the drugs started to dull the ache that gripped him from head to toe. He wanted to stay there forever, letting the water wash everything out of his body and his mind. Sighing, he finally thought the shower off.
Dressing, his eyes kept straying to the nightstand by the bed. Giving in to the inevitable, he opened the drawer and pulled out the photos. The first one was his family, taken at one family celebration or another, nothing notable except that they were all together, even him. It had to be six or seven years ago, now. His brothers and sisters and their assorted spouses were all gathered round Mum. She was smiling, looking slightly mischievous, even at 80 odd years old. Her grandchildren ranged on the ground in front of her, except for the wee ones cradled in their parents arms. That had been a grand day. He'd left for America a few weeks later, on what he thought would be the grand adventure of a lifetime.
He placed it back in the drawer and looked at the second picture. There was just one person. Teyla. She was standing half turned to the camera, caught by surprise, smiling with the sun dancing red highlights in her hair. He traced a finger over her face. "Ah lass, I'm so sorry." He'd always hoped that their friendship would lead to something more, but there'd never really been the opportunity to pursue it. Or maybe he'd just been too afraid of ruining what they already had. They'd connected on a level that was half personal, half spiritual. Her connection with the natural world had spoken to the part of him that still embraced the old spirits. Oh, he knew that some small part of him romanticized her as some sort of earth goddess. He hadn't been that far gone, that he couldn't recognize the foolishness of it. Still, she was different than the people who had come from Earth, more connected to the world she lived in, more aware of what went on beyond what her regular senses could tell her. Even Rodney, with all his understanding of the mechanics of the universe, didn't have the kind of knowledge that Teyla understood on an instinctual level.
Sighing, he put her picture away as well. It was time to get some answers.
****
The lights in the isolation room were dimmed and it looked like Sheppard was asleep. He slipped in and started to check vitals. Keeping Sheppard here wasn't strictly a medical necessity, but he had a feeling that if he didn't, Carter would have him in a cell in no time. Touching Sheppard woke him. Beckett had order a mild sedative and it had been given shortly after his departure. Whatever had gone on, it didn't look like he'd missed much.
"Ummm--"
"Colonel."
"Carson?" Beckett pushed down the reflexive flare of anger at hearing Sheppard use his first name.
"Aye, it's me, lad. How are you feeling?"
"Need to pee." Beckett stopped, stared at him. "Carson?" Sheppard mentally raised the lights to see better.
The casual familiarity and trust kept knocking the doctor off balance. He kept having to remind himself that this probably wasn't the real Sheppard, not their Sheppard. "Let's get you untied then." Unbuckling the restraints meant that he didn't have to make eye contact.
"Are you sure you want to do that?"
"Aye, I'm sure." There it was again. Sheppard was willing to suffer the humiliation of having someone help him use a urinal if it would save Beckett from any more trouble. Suddenly he wanted to be the Carson Beckett that this man remembered, the one from before, not the one he'd become over the last few months.
Sheppard headed for the bathroom and the doctor asked one of the nurses to order a tray from the mess. He was hungry and he suspected the other man was too. He called through the bathroom door, "I ordered us some food."
"Thanks."
Waiting, the silence between them was awkward. It gave Sheppard a chance to get a good look at his handiwork. "Look, Doc, I'm really sorry about--" He pointed awkwardly at Beckett's face, but was saved from having to say anything more when the tray arrived. Sheppard smiled when he spotted a turkey sandwich. Eating bought them a few more minutes but then both of them knew that it was time to talk. Clearing away the debris of the meal, Beckett started, hands shoved in his uniform jacket, unable to make eye contact. "You must think we're monsters."
"I--I--how can you do it?"
"Oh lad, do you think this is something I want to do? Do you think I don't go to bed hating myself every damn night?" It was all written on the doctor's face, anger, fear, self-loathing.
"Maybe you should just start from the beginning?"
"Aye," he thought for a moment, then continued, "Where you come from, did the Wraith attack the city after the first year here?"
"Yeah, three hive ships, darts, Wraith in the city. Ford--" he swallowed the lump that rose in his throat, "and Everett almost dead." Beckett was nodding. "The Daedalus showed up at the last second with a ZPM, saved us and kept me from blowing myself up."
"Did McKay use the ZPM to cloak the city?"
"Yeah, Caldwell blew a nuke over the shield and McKay switched us over to the cloak." They were painful memories, but a little distance helped, so much more had happened since then. So you too?"
"Aye--yes. We thought we were home free, the Wraith hive ships left and we started to clean up, made plans for hiding Atlantis permanently under the cloak."
"No more Atlantis patches, never dialing directly back in, always through one of the alpha sites." Sheppard was restless, stood up and started pacing. He hated being confined in the isolation room, even though he knew he was probably lucky not to be in the brig. "So what happened to Elizabeth? How did you end up with Carter?" He was too impatient to keep reciting their shared history. He wanted to know what had gone differently here.
"That happened when the SGC took the ZPM back." Rodney answered the question as he and Colonel Carter walked through the door. "See," he smirked at Sam, "I told you Beckett would be down here playing Angel of Mercy."
Sheppard stopped mid-step, annoyed at McKay but even more shocked by what he'd said. "They took the ZPM? But that was--they just wrote us off?!" It was hard not to identify with this version of the expedition too.
"McKay!" Carter glared at him, "Why not just tell him everything?"
"Oh please," He rolled his eyes and spit back, "What difference does it make? It's not like he's going to sell us out to Wraith." He narrowed his eyes, daring her to say anything. Sheppard heard the words he hadn't said, 'We've already done that.' Carter met his glare head on and didn't budge and he finally turned back to Sheppard and Beckett, who had been watching, waiting for the next fireworks in the volatile exchange.
"Colonel," Carter spoke but she still kept her eyes on McKay, "I take it that your version of the expedition kept the ZPM on Atlantis."
He nodded his head, "Yeah, we did." The next couple of hours, he spent answering her questions and not getting any answers of his own. She wanted to know everything about how they'd survived, who their contacts were. By that time, McKay was complaining about being hungry, and Sheppard's head was throbbing. Beckett looked at him and declared an end to the proceedings. Carter wasn't happy, but she gave in.
"Well continue this in the morning. Doctor, I need to speak to you." Beckett sighed, and stepped out of the room with her, expecting to be on the receiving end of one of her command rants for even talking to Sheppard without permission. Instead all she said was, "Feed him, drug him, and we'll start again in the morning. I don't want any trouble out of him tonight." She turned around and walked out. Beckett reminded himself that once upon a time, back at the SGC, he'd actually liked and admired the woman, then went to the medicine cabinet, filled a syringe and pocketed it and went back to his patient.
"Colonel, would you like to go to the mess for dinner? Get out of this room?"
Anyone who knew Sheppard could read the 'God yes!' on his face. "Uh, yeah. But I'll need some clothes. Mind if we stop by my room?" Scrubs were one of the things that everyone knew annoyed Sheppard. He suffered wearing them in the Infirmary, but once released he'd be out of them as quickly as possible. Sheppard smiled for the first time in days, "You coming, McKay?" Rodney looked at him but shrugged. Sheppard's face lit even more "Hey, call Ronon and Teyla. I'd like to meet your version of them." Carson had been walking out of the isolation room when Sheppard spoke. He stopped suddenly in the doorway, hand tight on the frame, then rushed out.
"What the--" Conversations in this place were like mine fields. He was about to follow after the man when McKay's hand shot out and stopped him. "What?" He glared at the physicist.
"Ronon's dead." McKay visibly deflated, dropping into a chair and running his hands across his face before he continued with the bad news. He'd been on edge about the team since Carter had grilled Sheppard earlier. It didn't take a genius to know that the news about their former teammates wasn't going to be well-received. "Teyla is spending time at Cheyenne Mountain as a 'guest' of the Stargate Command."
Sheppard froze, eyes locked on McKay, his mind trying to take in what the man had just said. He hadn't gotten to know Ronon well. It was hard getting past the wall built up over seven years of running. But he'd liked him well enough, and the Runner knew a lot about how the Wraith operated as individuals. It gave them a tactical advantage in a lot of tight spots. And Teyla-- my god, they'd taken her hostage. They couldn't want her for her knowledge, as little as it was. He was afraid to ask why she was gone but McKay seemed to know the question was coming, "She disagreed with some of the decisions being made. Wanted to leave Atlantis and take her people back to Athos. The IOA wasn't excited about the idea of her spreading news about us."
"You let them do that?" He pulled McKay up and backed him to the wall, pushed hard at his chest and pinned him there with a hand at his throat. "She was team!"
Sheppard kept up the pressure on McKay's throat barely giving him enough air to speak, "You think I had any say in it? You think Samantha fucking Carter and the IOA asked me what to do?"
"Yeah McKay, I do," He shoved again, "I saw the damn files in my office Rodney. You know, the ones marked 'Monthly Allotment'. I saw your damn signature on the lists, McKay." He let go of the scientist and stalked to the bed and shoved it across the floor. "Goddamn it!" He shouted, hoping it would help. If he didn't hit something soon he was going to lose it, "How the hell do you people live with yourselves? No wonder Beckett wanted to kill me." Then he stopped, struck with a horrible thought. "How did Ronon die?"
Rodney had sunk to the floor. Sitting there he felt a million years old, weighed down by the decisions that had been forced on him. He took in Sheppard's rigid shoulders, his righteous anger and wished that he could fault the man for it, but he couldn't. Still, how could Sheppard even think it. He had to know that Rodney could never have betrayed Ronon like that. "It was when Ford took us prisoner. Ronon was getting too strong on the enzyme and Ford was losing control of him so he shot Ronon as a 'lesson' to us."
Sheppard leaned in against the wall, let the words wash over him. He needed to figure out if he could believe what McKay was saying, or if it even mattered whether it was true at this point. Ronon was dead and Teyla might as well be. He wanted out of here, back to his own universe, no matter how screwed up it was. This one was like some sick joke where every time he thought things couldn't get worse, they did, just to prove him wrong. He turned around, leaning back and closing his eyes. Might as well go for broke.
"What about the Wraith?"
Rodney looked up from where his head had been resting on his knees. Whatever life Sheppard was used to seeing in those blue eyes was gone. All that was left was anger and self-loathing. He should have seen it earlier. "Who the hell are you to judge us? You had your ZPM, you could stay hidden. What were we supposed to do when another hive ship came looking for us?"
"Not that!"
"Then what? You tell me, Sheppard, because there wasn't any pulling a last minute trick out of my ass. I couldn't save us and Carson was giving out suicide pills to anyone who asked. The only thing that kept us alive was that this Queen is smarter than most of the others." He still hadn't moved from his spot on the floor "She offered us a deal like the one she had with Olesia."
"How many?" He choked it out, afraid to know how many lives they'd traded. It had taken a while, looking at the lists, but he'd figured it out. It was mostly criminals, the old, the infirm, even Wraith worshipers who were loyal to other hives. No children though, and no women of childbearing age. That was what had finally tipped him off. You don't kill off the breeding stock or the next generation. The 'orphans' were fostered out after Beckett drugged them and wiped their memories of anything to do with Atlantis.
"Five hundred every three months. It's protection for 17 planets in this sector." McKay's chin jutted out, daring Sheppard to tell him that the safety of 17 planets wasn't worth the sacrifice.
"Your Sheppard--did he go along with this?"
"Yes, Colonel, he did. When S'hva made her proposal Weir refused right away, but Sheppard knew that it was the only out we had. He had Atlantis lock her in her quarters and sent an emergency message through to the SGC. The IOA sent Carter through to take over the next morning. She ordered Carson to keep Elizabeth sedated and they sent her back to Earth the next time the gate was opened. Teyla tried to leave a few days later and Carter had her sent through in the middle of the night."
"Beckett?"
"Oh he tried to refuse, but the SGC sent a databurst with snapshots of his family. Pictures of all of them, the kids, his mother. Everyone. The message was pretty clear."
"You could stop this, Rodney. You're smart enough to figure out a way."
"Your confidence in me is flattering Colonel, but the answer is 'no'."
"But it's wrong, damnit!"
"And who's going to find a way to stop the Wraith if I'm dead, Sheppard? Who's going to find a ZPM or two so we can cloak and shield the city? Carson with his crusade to find the voodoo magic bullet that will turn the Wraith back into humans? As ugly as the truth is, I'm it and those people are the price for keeping me and everyone here who's going to help me, alive."
"And everyone here has agreed to this?" He'd wanted to believe that the expedition was better than that.
"Oh don't be stupid! Only a few of us know. Carter, you, Beckett, Lorne, the officials on the various planets." Sheppard opened his mouth to ask how they'd kept it a secret, but Rodney was ahead of him, "It all happens off world. There are teams of 'bounty hunters' who go to different planets looking for the scum that most places want to get rid of but can't. When they can't fill the quota that way, we look for known Wraith worshiping planets and if we have to, we use refugees from culled worlds. The allotted are stunned, picked up at night and transported to a planet with a modified gate that can only be accessed from a space gate. There's no DHD, so you have to be able to fly a jumper to dial back out. We give them food, water, clothing and shelter, and when there are enough, we contact the hive. The Marines who do the work never come to Atlantis. The Daedalus takes care of supplying them."
***
Sheppard lay in the dark for hours, thinking. Turning it around and around in his head, he couldn't come to any answers other than wanting to get the hell out of here. He fumbled for the ear bud that McKay had left him earlier.
"You need to get me back to my own universe, McKay."
It was near 0200 hours but the physicist was still awake. "Don't count on that happening any time soon."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"It means that it's up to Carter, but she and Sheppard don't get along all that well. She's going to want to keep you around for a while, make excuses about 'debriefing' you, just so she doesn't have to deal with him."
"Is that like Teyla being a 'guest'?"
"How fast you get back probably depends on how much trouble you are to her. Then again, she could just shoot you."
Sheppard changed the subject. "Thanks, I don't suppose you've figured out how this happened?"
"Oh wait, could it have something to do with that energy beam you got hit with?"
Sheppard wasn't in the mood for the sarcasm at this point. "McKay."
"Look, the one reference I've found, refers to it a research tool, but that could mean anything. If you want answers, you'll have wait until I find out more. If not, then it's a crap shoot. Actually, since the Ancients did this, it's probably a crap shoot either way."
"Did you find Carson?"
"I told you, I'm not his keeper, Colonel. Mother Theresa will come back when he's ready." Sheppard could almost see Rodney wave a dismissive hand but he could hear him start typing commands into his laptop anyway.
"What's with you, McKay? Where I come from you two are pretty good friends. You were friends in Antarctica, right?"
"Yeah, well, as you've pointed out, Colonel, Alternate Universe. Survival has its price."
McKay located Beckett on one of the obscure balconies. He came for Sheppard then led the colonel the long way around, avoiding Carter or anyone who might report back to her. They found him staring out at the ocean, an Athosian blanket wrapped around his shoulders against the night chill.
"Doc." Sheppard wasn't sure the other man had heard them arrive, but then Beckett turned around, not at all surprised to find Rodney there as well.
"Gentlemen."
"How you doin', Carson.?"
"Lousy, Colonel, but that's been true for a while now. Surely the two of you didn't go to the trouble of tracking me down to ask about my welfare."
Rodney stepped forward. "Genius catching pneumonia here! Can we get to the point and go somewhere warm?"
"What is the point, Rodney, other than disturbing my peace and quiet?" Beckett pulled the blanket tighter and leaned back against the railing.
"The colonel here wants to go home. I say we send him--"
"Before Colonel Carter can order us not to?"
"Something like that."
"Colonel, are you okay with this?"
"Rodney's told me the risks. Worst that happens is I don't make it."
"Is that worse than being stuck here, lad?" Beckett was watching him for the answer.
Sheppard rubbed the back of his neck and gave an embarrassed grimace. "Yeah, Doc, I think it is."
****
Beckett didn't really know what he was there for. Sheppard had flown the jumper and Rodney had kept the Gateroom crew from locking the gate before they could dial out. Now that they were here, McKay had no more idea of what was going to happen this time when Sheppard walked through that door, than he'd had the last time. Waiting for Rodney to finish with whatever he was doing, he couldn't help but offer up a wish, "Wouldn't it be nice if this once Pegasus made something bloody simple?"
Rodney snorted as he watched the energy signature from the building change every second or two. He was surprised to see the pattern slowly evolve until it finally settled into the one he'd recorded the first time they were there.
"Huh. Colonel, I think that's you cue." He pointed at the display. Sheppard looked over his shoulder, then at the doorway.
"Good luck, lad." Beckett patted Sheppard's shoulder. "I wish I was going with you, but I don't suppose there's room for two Carson Beckett's in your world."
"I'm sorry, Doc. I wish there was."
"Never mind, you just get home safe."
Sheppard turned to McKay, "Thanks, Rodney. I hope Carter doesn't make your life too difficult after this." He held out his hand and the other man shook it, looking like he wanted to say something but the moment passed, the words left unspoken. Sheppard turned and headed for the doorway.
"Sheppard!" Rodney waited for the man to stop and look over his shoulder. "Good Luck."
"You too, Rodney. I hope you find your answers soon." And with that he walked through the doorway and into oblivion.
****
John was sitting on his bed, picking out a tune on the guitar when Rodney showed up. "Hey, McKay, what can I do for you?"
"It's time for your debrief."
"Great." It was anything but. He had a feeling this was going to be even worse than talking with Old Elizabeth.
"I thought you might want to know that we finally found the database entry for the installation."
"So what did the Ancients come up with this time?" He put down the guitar and slid back on the bed, making room for Rodney to sit.
"It's listed in the database as a research tool. But we didn't know what that meant, exactly."
"That's what the other you said."
He did? Rodney frowned, unhappy that someone else would come up with his answer, but it wasn't really someone else, it was him, just not him, him. This was why he hated alternate universes. It was so hard to figure out what was real and what wasn't--his real, the other Rodney's real, it made his brain hurt.
"Anyway, I finally found a description of it in a section of the database that roughly translates as 'Really stupid ideas we wish we'd never thought of.'" Sheppard laughed, and it was good to hear. The man had been somber and aloof for days.
"So what was this particular bad idea?"
"They created a dialer that could access alternate universes, something like a quantum mirror with a redial function." McKay's hands waved around, sketching out the idea in thin air, "They decided that it would be a great idea to visit universes where they had made different choices and find out what the alternate outcome was."
"I don't know, Rodney. It doesn't sound like such a bad idea to me." He picked up the guitar again and idly started strumming. "I mean, that could be a real help in some situations, let you fix a problem before it gets out of control." He looked down, picked out a run, "Why'd they put it on M2X - 193? instead of Atlantis?"
"Oh, that's easy. They didn't want tons of alternates walking around. You see the device was made to switch people between universes. So you had to have the same person in the same place at the same time in whatever alternate universe you dialed. The dialer only connects with another one that's being used at the same time, in some other universe. That's why we had the other you here."
"So what, they put it somewhere that was hard to get to, where they could control access, and then they figured that enough alternate universes would do the same thing that they could connect with their dialers?"
"That's pretty much it. A crapshoot. You triggered our dialer when you walked through the doorway, just like the other Sheppard did." Rodney reached down and put his hands over the strings of the guitar. "You do know you're a lousy guitar player, right?"
Sheppard smiled, "Yeah, I do." But it didn't stop him, "So why was it such a stupid idea?"
"Well, to start with, you're limited to the universes that mostly think like you. So you aren't going to get any really innovative solutions to problems."
"I don't know, seems like even small differences can have major effects." Like the SGC demanding the ZPM back in that other universe. He shivered.
"I suppose." He waved dismissively, as if it was a minor consideration, "It turns out that most of the people who came back freaked out. The data files show they couldn't handle some of the choices that their alternate selves had made, or seeing what bad choices they'd made in their own reality." Sheppard had stopped strumming and was staring off into space, biting his lower lip. He finally realized that Rodney had stopped talking and looked at him, embarrassed for having drifted off.
"Was it--.ummm, was it that way? For you?" There was real distress in McKay's voice, "The other Sheppard. I didn't much like him."
"I don't think I did either, Rodney."
"That sucks."
"Yeah, it does." He laid the guitar on the bed and got up to look out the window, "He made a lot of choices that I'd like to think I couldn't. But he's me, Rodney, just me, stuck in a really bad place. And part of me can see how they got where they were. They made a deal with the Wraith. Like on Olesia.""
"Well, yeah, we know that. Remember, other John was here." Rodney sighed, and leaned his elbows on his knees. "They?" Sheppard nodded.
"So I was part of it too?"
"'Fraid so. He hadn't told anyone the details yet. Hadn't wanted them to know how far lost they could get if they wanted to. He tried to imagine other John coping with Rodney, Radek, Elizabeth, Caron, Ronon and Teyla. Maybe that other John Sheppard was freaking out right now, just like Rodney described.
John looked at Rodney and asked, "How did you guys figure it out?"
"We didn't at first, at least not until he woke up from the energy blast." Rodney started pulling up the security feeds from the Infirmary, on his laptop. "Seeing Radek and Elizabeth sort of gave it away." And there he was, on the screen, shouting out their names while being manhandled back into one of the isolation rooms. "At first we thought you were crazy, that the energy blast had scrambled what passes for your brains."
"But you figured it out." Sheppard looked away from the images, they made him uncomfortable.
"Yeah, genius here, you know?"
"Yeah. Thanks McKay." He cocked his head. "What made you decide to try and send me back?"
"Are you kidding?" McKay snorted, "Once the other you started telling us about his Atlantis, I was ready to have him walk through that doorway every five seconds from now 'til eternity, to get you back."
Sheppard laughed at that. "I just bet you would."
"How did you find out?"
"Paperwork."
"Paperwork?"
"Yeah, believe it or not."
"This is a story I have to hear."
"No, Rodney, trust me, you don't. But I don't suppose I have much choice."
McKay shook his head and stood up. Stepping back to let Sheppard leave the room first.
"Well, then let's get this over with. I only want to tell it once." He had a feeling that by the end of his report, none of them was going to be happy. The only consolation was that as bad as he felt, knowing how wrong he could go, they all could go, it was good to know that so far, they'd made the right decisions. That had to count for something. He spared a moment to think about the other Sheppard, other Rodney and Carson and hoped that somehow, they would at least find each other again.