Humor, Week 2: The Secret Society of Stories (1/2)
Title: The Secret Society of Stories (An Utter Repudiation of Order in Outer Space) - Part I
Author: with_apostrophe
Prompt: In my youth/humor
Rating: PG
Word count: 11,000
Warnings/ Spoilers: If you like your fic straight up and serious, without a hint of the cracked, absurd or even just totally ridiculous read no further. The story in this fic is set sometime just after “Reunion”, and before a certain big event for Teyla; if that doesn’t work timeline wise, then consider this an AU. Watch out for the dreaded OCs! (No, I’m not referring to Orange County)
Summary: “Ma’am. This is what I needed to show you so you’d believe it. This is... well, I don’t really know how to say this but err-This is Sheppard’s team?”
Author’s Notes: All factual inaccuracy is my own fault, as are the appalling jokes, for which I make no apology. This is intended as a tribute to a genre of SGA fics that I love very much, and if you think you recognize any oblique references to certain stories in that particular genre, you’re probably not imagining it. No Wii remotes (Wiimotes) were damaged during the writing of this fic. And yes, the beginning is supposed to be in italics...)
It was one of those rainy afternoons, common across two galaxies on planets with temperate or tropical zones. Water fell in huge, seemingly unending droplets, splattering against glass, stone, metal, wood, or sundry other synthetic materials, in rhythms ranging from soothing to irritating. According to their outlook on life, the universe, and everything, beings despaired or celebrated, cursed or rejoiced, or simply shrugged in apathy when confronted with the wet weather. Across the known galaxies, the reactions to the rain were as varied as the shades of grey (and sometimes other colors) that the skies wrapped themselves in.
On one particular planet, in one particular apartment, the reaction was closer to despair than celebration.
Dr Mercedes Sanchez glared balefully at her three young, and thankfully, temporary, wards. They’d only been with her an hour and already she was wondering whether agreeing to look after them for half a day was the biggest mistake she’d made in the past twenty years. She tried to ignore Jody muttering complaints under her breath about how both the weather and the fact that she was not allowed to spend the rest of the day with her friends was so “so unfay-ure”. Mercedes covered her wincing with a calm exterior as her Wii remote was flung across the room in disgust. (Fine, so it was way past obsolete and approaching being labeled “stone age” in technological terms, but it still worked, and wasn’t ready to have such disrespect targeted at it, even though Jamie’s wrath hadn’t even made the battery cover fly off). She offered up silent prayers for intervention as she hauled a sobbing six year old girl onto her lap as best she could, and attempted to offer some kind of comfort against the trauma of her favorite stuffed bunny’s dress accidentally getting decimated by a pair of paper scissors, or at least, that seemed to be the cause from what she could glean through the sniffling, hitching breath, and muffled syllables pressed into her, until very recently, clean jacket.
Two minutes after Chloe had stopped crying, fourteen-year-old Jody and nine-year-old Jamie were at each other’s throats, the bone of contention about comprehensible as whatever Chloe had been wailing about. Mercedes managed to separate them so they could sit and sulk at opposite ends of her impressively large living room, but was about three seconds away from calling their mother away from a much deserved half day off to deal with this trifecta of rebellious, dissatisfied and inconsolable youth, when she remembered what their grandfather had told her the previous day.
“Right, you guys.” Mercedes declared as she sank into the large armchair, situated just so she could bask in the afternoon’s sun (when it wasn’t raining) and watch the spectacular sun sets. “I know you’re fed up at being stuck inside, and that you’d prefer to be with your friends or that your mother hadn’t banned you from accessing the central computer for the rest of the day, but this here-“ she waved her hands to indicate the room, “Is what we have to work with. I see that movies and my Wii console didn’t go down too well, and I don’t think we’ll revisit paper crafts again,” she added, to comfort Chloe whose bunny was now wrapped in a sloppy makeshift pillowcase toga, “So, we’re going to try something your grandpa suggested when he heard I was going to be looking after you guys.”
Mercedes chose to ignore the pair of fourteen-year-old eyes that seemed set to roll right out of their sockets and continued.
“Do any of you know about my stories?”
“Grandpa mentioned them.” sulked Jamie, as he began to hit the base of the window seat with the back of his heels.
“And Cayvai Teyla said you wrote a book.” Jody was quick to add, sneering at her brother from afar.
“Stories?” Chloe asked as she wormed her way back into Mercedes’ lap, with only the faint remnants of a sniffle remaining.
“Yeah, stories, but about things that happened on the Atlantis expedition when I was young. They’re about the fun things that haven’t made it into the history books, like why there’s a bowling alley in Atlantis. And some of the very embarrassing things that we all agreed wouldn’t be made known to the public until we are all gone. Now, your grandpa, Cayvai Teyla, and I, decided a while ago that you guys should be made custodians of the stories, so that when there’s none of us old Lanteans left you can make sure they’re not forgotten, maybe even get the written versions published.
“But! Before I even tell you a word of our stories you must swear not to tell anyone, and I mean anyone, until we all gone. In fact, you’re not allowed to even tell anyone that these stories exist. OK?”
“Seriously?” Jody grimaced.
“Yes, very seriously. If you don’t all swear to total secrecy then you won’t hear a word. Not one!”
“I never said I wanted to.” Jody pointed out with a defiant toss of her long brown hair.
“Then you can go and sit in that room over there while I tell your brother and sister after they’ve sworn an oath of secrecy.”
“That’s the bathroom.”
“Yes, it is, and if you think it’s boring in here, it’s even more boring in there, so how about it?”
“I want to hear the stories,” piped up Chloe.
“We’re not allowed to mention these to anyone, right?” asked Jamie as he tentatively made a few steps toward where Mercedes and Chloe were already ensconced.
“Well you can talk to your Grandpa and Cayvai Teyla, seeing as it’s their idea, but other than that, as far as everyone else knows, there are no secret stories. Ok?”
Jamie took a few more steps forward and shrugged, “Ok. Is there a charter we have to sign in blood or something?”
Mercedes took a moment to ensure that she didn’t start laughing before responding, “Well I don’t think that signing in blood will really be necessary, unless you’re going to declare yourselves as pirates?”
Jamie scowled at her a little.
“Maybe if you just raise your hands and repeat after me...?”
Jamie and Chloe eagerly raised their hands; in fact, Chloe was so keen that she raised both hands until her brother hissed that she was only supposed to raise one.
“How about it, Jody? Listen to some stories about your Grandpa and our friends or go sit in the bathroom?” Mercedes proffered with a smile.
“Ok.” Jody groaned as if she was under great duress. “But I’m not raising my hand like a total grifnot."
“Language, young lady!” cautioned Mercedes, “Well, I think we can do without the raised hand in your case.”
Two minutes later, two excited and one bored minor had sworn oaths never to reveal the existence of unknown stories about the Atlantis expedition to anyone not named by their honorary Aunt Mercedes, nor to let the content of said stories be known to anyone while any of the early expedition members remained. Chloe rearranged herself on Mercedes’ lap while Jamie settled himself down on a low stool at Mercedes’ feet. Jody pulled up a chair and made it clear through her expression just how lame she thought the whole thing was.
With her remaining free hand, Mercedes called up a file on the small screen that sat next to her armchair.
“Right then. If you’re all comfortable, I will begin.”
And she began to read.
~o0(*)0o~
It was an ordinary day on Atlantis. Technically, there was no such thing as an ordinary day on Atlantis as each new day brought its full share of innovative problems, puzzles and crises, but that in itself made it an ordinary day. You never knew what was going to happen next.
The gate room was relatively quiet. Major Lorne’s team had left an hour ago to investigate why Sheppard’s team was twelve hours overdue on their check in call, and there were no other teams due to depart that day.
Chuck sighed as he-
~o0(*)0o~
“Is that Grandpa?” Chloe interrupted.
Jody rolled her eyes so hard she nearly strained a muscle.
“Of course it’s Grandpa. Grandpa worked in the gate room on the control consoles. Everyone knows that.”
“Anyway,” Mercedes intoned before continuing with the story.
~o0(*)0o~
Chuck sighed as he ran a diagnostic on the power relays. They had never been quite the same after their run in the replicator weapon and re-acquaintance with space travel. Dr Zelenka was working on some ways to re-route power to try to get them back to full efficiency, but progress was slow, with only an increment of a few percent every time they tried something new. The computer had just spat out the new figures (up only 1.53%) when the gate activated. Chuck spun around to the main console and activated the shield, just as he felt a presence at his left elbow - Colonel Carter.
“Receiving IDC,” he stated after glancing at the verification read out on one of the many laptops that augmented their use of the complex Ancient systems. “It’s Major Lorne.”
“Drop the shield,” Carter commanded, as she moved away from the control console and out onto the gate room balcony. She hit her radio.
“Major Lorne, this Atlantis. Have you found Colonel Sheppard’s team?”
“Yes, we have,” came the reply, “In a manner of speaking.”
Carter frowned. “Would you care to elaborate on that, Major?”
A faint noise that seemed a lot like choking came over the connection, and when Lorne spoke again, he sounded slightly strangled. “Well, we found them in the Ancient outpost here, but they’re not quite themselves.”
“Can you be more specific?”
“Not really,” Lorne replied in the same strangled tone. “But I can verify that they’re in our custody and of no threat to Atlantis or anyone, really.”
Muffled sounds of protest and some noises that neither Chuck nor Carter could quite identify came across the open radio link.
“Well, threat isn’t exactly the right word,” he added in a tone that suggested he was trying not to laugh.
Carter took a moment to share a puzzled and concerned look with Chuck.
“Major,” she began again, “I’d like to speak to Colonel Sheppard.”
Once again, Lorne seemed to be choking, “I’m afraid that’s impossible.”
“Is he injured?”
“No, he's fine, although my team are... a little scratched up. Colonel Sheppard and the rest of his team seem to be in good health and are here with us. They just can’t communicate... properly at the moment. Ma’am, think it’s best if we show you, especially as the natives don’t seem all too keen on us still being here. Permission to come home?”
Carter paused for a moment. At least once a day since she’d taken over command of Atlantis she found herself wishing that they’d chosen someone, anyone else for the job and this was her third such wish today - not that she’d been counting. Sheppard’s team in particular, had knack of getting into crazy situations that may or may not affect the fates of everyone on Atlantis and even in the whole Pegasus Galaxy, and while yes, SG-1 had that same knack, she had been part of the team, not making high-level command decisions on their behalf from a frankly very cushy office.
~o0(*)0o~
“Wait” interrupted Jody, “I thought these were real stories. I mean things that really happened?”
“They are.”
“But you’re telling the story and you weren’t there. And you don’t know what Colonel Carter was thinking.”
“Well, while we don’t talk about these things in public, I have talked to everyone involved in the stories and asked them exactly what happened, what they were thinking at the time. So yes, there might be some filling in, but it’s as accurate as anyone’s story would be.”
“Oh. Ok,” Jody shrugged.
When no other objections seemed forthcoming, Mercedes resumed her story.
~o0(*)0o~
“Very well, Major. I’ll trust your judgment.”
“Thank you, Colonel. Just one more thing - I’d advise getting Dr Sanchez up to the gate room as soon as possible.”
“Dr Sanchez?” Carter asked. “The biologist?”
“Yeah she’s covering some of Dr Helger’s work while he’s on compassionate leave, right?”
“Yes, she is.”
“Then she’s the one.”
Carter nodded at Chuck and he quickly radioed Dr Sanchez to let her know that her presence would be needed in the gate room.
~o0(*)0o~
“That’s you.” Jamie observed. “You’re Dr Sanchez!”
“I am. I thought I’d start with a story that I was deeply involved in,” said Mercedes with a grin, “Shall I go on?”
“Yes, please!” the boy reflected her grin back at her.
~o0(*)0o~
“Major, Dr Sanchez is on her way, but I really would like to know what has happened that you need a biologist in the gate room.” Carter demanded. “Just what is going on?”
“You’d really do better seeing for yourself.”
“Very well,” she repeated, nodding at Chuck once more, “The shield is down, come on through.”
The Marines on the floor of the gate room were on extra high alert when they saw the shield come down and braced themselves against the potential unknown that might be coming through the gate. Even with the extremely strange things they saw on a regular basis, nothing would have prepared them for what actually came through.
A bedraggled Dr Eisen and a decidedly ruffled Lt Daewodu were the first to step through, carrying two wooden cages, each holding a long brown animal. Next appeared Sergeant Kleinman struggling with a huge unconscious animal that was wrapped up in what seemed to have once been his jacket and slung over one shoulder. He stumbled over to the closest Marine and gasped out, “Help me get him down,” the Marine barely getting his hands gun-free quick enough to prevent the animal’s head from hitting the floor.
Finally, Lorne stepped through, carrying a somewhat larger cage than the doctor and the Lieutenant had and the gate shut down behind them.
“Major! You said you had Sheppard’s team with you, and what are these animals doing here?” demanded Carter as she ran down the gate room steps.
Lorne offered her a small smile before responding.
“Ma’am. This is what I needed to show you so you’d believe it. This is... well, I don’t really know how to say this but err-“
“This is Sheppard’s team?” she spoke over him as she put four missing team members and four very present animals together and came up with a conclusion that made most of her experiences back in the Milky Way seem normal by anyone’s reckoning.
“We found them in a room with only one exit and McKay’s laptop hooked up to some Ancient tech. There were human tracks coming into the room, but none leading out. The villagers in the nearby settlement said they saw them going toward the outpost but they never saw them coming back. They also said they’d never heard of anyone turning into animals before and gave us the cages. For some reason I think they just wanted to get rid of us.” Lorne explained. “Anyway, we think the smallest one is Teyla; she certainly seems the calmest of them all. We reckon that dark one there, with the ruffled fur is Colonel Sheppard, the one pacing his cage is Dr McKay, and that-“ he gestured at the semi-wrapped, unconscious and drooling animal laying on the floor, “Is most definitely Ronon, we have no doubt of that.”
~o0(*)0o~
“Wait.” Jody interrupted. “There’s no way they were turned into animals. That can’t happen!”
“Well at this point it’s just Lorne’s conclusion.”
“But I mean, turned into animals! How could he even think that?”
“Let’s just say that ‘Expect the unexpected.’ was our unofficial motto in those early days. It might not have prepared us for anything, but at least it gave us a philosophy to cling to when the Pegasus Galaxy threw us curve balls that nobody could hope to catch.”
~o0(*)0o~
Carter stared at Lorne incredulously before she pointed out, “It’s unconscious.”
“He didn’t want to come willingly like the others. He put up a good fight.” Behind Lorne, Lt Daewodu made a quiet snorting sound. “A very good fight, so in the end we had to stun him.”
“Without knowing what it might do?”
“Didn’t have much choice, is was that or leave him there.”
“Him? I’d like some actual scientific proof before I start believing that Sheppard’s team has been turned into-“
“Madre de Dios! Otters!” exclaimed Dr Mercedes Sanchez as she arrived in the gate room, and caught sight of the animals. “What are otters doing in Atlantis’ gate room?”
~o0(*)0o~
“What’s an odder?” Chloe asked.
“Otter.” Mercedes repeated, ensuring she enunciated carefully. “It’s an animal, a lot like a dog, but flatter, and they like the water. A lot. Well really, they’re not that much like cats or dogs, but they do get hyperactive like dogs can.”
“What’s hypoartive?”
“Hypoactive? It’s when something can’t keep still.”
“Like Jamie?”
Mercedes wondered whether she’d be breaking some ancient rule of “things not to say when looking after kids” if she said “yes”; Jamie was well known for having an excess of energy that necessitated three nights of after school sports club.
“A little like Jamie.” Mercedes conceded as she pulled the physical central computer interface that she preferred over to herself and input a query.
“Now I know that you guys are banned from the central computer this afternoon, but your mum didn’t say anything about me. So... there you go!”
An otter appeared on the large, very thin screen that dominated one end of her living room when it was active. It fidgeted and scrabbled in the dirt it was laying on before jumping up and diving gracefully into a nearby body of water. An under-water shot showed the otter performing a balletic display of turns, rolls and tumbles.
Mercedes watched their faces carefully, smiling inwardly as even Jody swiftly became enraptured by the amazing animal on the screen.
“They’re so cute!” Jody exclaimed.
“I want one!” Chloe declared.
“Me too,” agreed Jamie, “Are they hard to look after?”
“Yes, they are cute, and as for easy to look after - well you’ll find out pretty soon in the story. Just make sure that your parents take you to a zoo or nature reserve to see some real ones as soon as you possibly can. So, on with the story.”
~o0(*)0o~
Three hours later the otters had been removed from the gate room, examined both by Dr Keller and Dr Sanchez and declared to be in good health. Dr Sanchez, having some limited experience in zoology was covering for the small zoology department, who were temporarily absent from Atlantis thanks to the unfortunate coincidence of the ending of Dr Tilly’s research project, Dr Fankham’s annual leave and the sudden need for compassionate leave for the one remaining zoologist - Dr Helger. The effects of the stun blast seemed to have had no deleterious effects on the largest otter, and it began to wake up as Dr Keller drew blood from it so she could run every test possible to determine whether or not this was Sheppard’s team. Given the damage the otter inflicted on Lorne’s team, even to the point of leaving a few bloodless bite marks on Lt Daewodu’s arm, nobody wanted to face moving the animal again while it was awake, so after a light sedative, he (the doctors had determined gender too - he was one of three males) was moved into the observation room. The observation room now contained a huge tub of water that a helpful botanist had procured from somewhere, and, thanks to Lorne’s foresight after getting his scratches patched up, some fish that the Mess had been about to make into fish pie. The other otters had become extremely agitated after the largest otter had been removed from their sight, following him with huge limpid eyes as he was carried away, and then making such a ruckus of calls and whistles that there was no choice but to see if keeping them together would make a difference.
The idea was to keep them in their cages, but after some initial calm from the otters after their reunion, the agitation picked up again, with the otters adding restless pacing to their repertoire of anxious behavior, and the now awake large otter head-butting the cage latches. Dr Sanchez was far from being an otter expert, but from what she could remember otters were generally quite social animals and were unlikely to start scratching each other’s eyes out so she recommended they be let out of the cages. The moment they were released they congregated in what the Marine by the door noted was the most tactically advantageous corner, shooting what he swore were contemptuous looks at him.
Up in the gallery Carter, and Dr Zelenka watched as Sanchez and the Marine left the room. By the time Sanchez had made it up to the gallery the huddle had broken up and all four were examining the extent of their confines. The large otter stuck a paw and the tip of his nose into the water, but after drinking a little, snorted and backed off. One sniffed at the bowls of salmon and the Pegasus version of haddock in the corner, before taking a cautious bite of the pink fish. The other two seemed to be involved in a systematic investigation of every remaining inch of the room.
Sanchez was about to speak when Carter’s radio activated. The Colonel listened for a few seconds before asking Zelenka and Sanchez to listen in too.
“Go ahead,” Carter prompted when Zelenka and Sanchez were patched in.
“Their tests back up our preliminary assessment that they’re all in good health. They have no obvious diseases, no harmful or communicable viruses and bacteria. However, there are some genetic abnormalities. Of course, I’m not sure what would be genetically normal for an otter, but there do seem to be trace elements of DNA that match key sequences in Colonel Sheppard’s, Ronon’s, Teyla’s and Dr McKay’s sequences. Plus, both the smaller males tested positive for the ATA gene.” She took a deep breath, “I’m saying this with extreme caution, but there are strong indications that Major Lorne was right.”
“You don’t mean to say that you think...?” Zelenka trailed off, the sheer lunacy of the idea apparent on his face.
“Yeah, I think Sheppard’s team has been turned into otters.”
Carter looked stunned for a moment, but then shook it off. “Alright then, that’s what we’re going with until we find out differently. Lorne, Zelenka, I need you to go back to that planet with a team and find out everything you can about that Ancient outpost. Sanchez, you’re in charge of the otters. I have a call to make.”
~o0(*)0o~
“You guys ok?” Mercedes asked. “You’re all very quiet all of a sudden.”
“We’re listening!” Jamie explained.
“You want drinks, or snacks?”
“Maybe later,” said Jody, “Can you continue?”
Once again Mercedes beat down a huge grin, and continued.
~o0(*)0o~
“Daniel!” Carter exclaimed, greatly relieved to see that her dear friend was already in the SGC gate room. “It’s good to see you.”
“You too, Sam. How is everything?” he answered with a warm smile.
“Well I need your help.”
“You mean you didn’t just call to see how we were?” he teased.
Carter smiled a little. “Unfortunately not. You should have received our data burst by now. At the top of the main directory there’s a file with your name on it.”
“Need something translated?” Daniel asked as Walter pulled the relevant file up on the nearest monitor.
“I need some information and I need it fast.”
“On otters?” he asked, after scanning the first few lines of text.
“Yep,” Carter sighed. “We have ourselves a bit of a problem.”
“An otter infestation? Wait-“ he scanned a little further, “You think Colonel Sheppard’s team have been turned into otters?”
“I know, it sounds crazy, but we’ve done DNA testing and-“
“Admittedly it does rank up there with some of the wackier things we’ve seen and done, but actually, I was just wondering - why otters? Why not cats, or bears, or... penguins?”
“Dolphins,” a deep voice pitched somewhere between solemnity and amusement suggested.
“Teal’c!” Carter greeted the Jaffa with joy.
“Colonel Carter,” he responded, tilting his head in his normal manner of greeting.
“So what have you done with them?” Daniel continued.
“They’re in the observation room for the time being.” Carter disappeared out of frame and could be heard giving some unintelligible instructions to someone in the control room. The screens in the SGC control room flickered briefly before displaying a smallish, not quite rectangular room. The camera was positioned low to record the movements of the short-legged animals. Three were fully visible with the top of the head or the back legs and tail of the fourth appearing and disappearing at random but frequent intervals over the top of the tub of water. There were also two humans in the room, although the camera only showed their lower halves.
“This is the set up we have at the moment,” Carter spoke over the live feed, “but as you can see it’s totally inadequate. Dr Sanchez is doing her best, but we’re sadly lacking in zoology experts at the moment. We don’t know what environment to provide for them, what behavior we can expect to see or even what to feed them, although one otter seems to very keen on the salmon and the other wolfed down the haddock. Apparently the reference material we brought from Earth doesn’t really cover the care and feeding of otters.”
“Can’t imagine why.” Daniel muttered to himself. “Ok, Sam, I should have something for you in about an hour and a half.”
“Thanks Daniel. I really appre- what the hell?” Carter broke off.
Daniel and Teal’c watched as the largest otter hefted itself up on it back legs, bared its teeth, and let out an almighty yelp of rage as it flung itself at Nurse Lukazewicz’s legs. Startled by the sudden nature of the attack, Lukazewicz tumbled backwards, only just stopping himself before his head made heavy contact with the nearest wall. Seeing an opportunity the otter launched himself at the upper part of Lukazewicz’s body, managing to get his arm in between it’s teeth and mercilessly kicking him in the lower stomach with his back legs.
“So that one must be Ronon,” Daniel remarked.
“I believe so,” Teal’c agreed.
They watched as the Marine moved to try to drag the animal off the unfortunate nurse, but was hampered by an angry tail thrashing in his face and other otters joining in to jubilantly wrestle with whatever parts of the Marine or his clothing they could reach.
“’Though the others are holding their own.” Daniel added.
“Indeed,” said Teal’c, before the feed from the observation room cut off, and the worried face of Chuck appeared in its place.
“Sorry about that, Dr Jackson, Teal’c,” he apologized, “Colonel Carter has left to deal with the...err...situation.”
“No problem,” said Daniel, “Just let her know we’ll have the information she needs soon.” And the wormhole shut off.
“Looks like Sheppard’s team might be giving SG-1 a run for our money in the crazy occurrences stakes,” Daniel sighed, as he left to arrange for the needed information to be collected.
“Indeed.”
~o0(*)0o~
“I’ve seen video of Teal’c,” Jamie commented. “He said ‘indeed’ a lot.”
“Yes, indeed!” Mercedes’ quipped with a grin. “Let’s move on.”
~o0(*)0o~
“All I did was check how much fish had been eaten, like I was told to.” Lukazewicz protested after he’d been patched up. The attack had looked worse than it had actually been, leaving the man more shaken than physically injured. The other otters hadn’t hurt the Marine at all other than leaving him looking bedraggled and chewed on.
“Then he attacked me! How can something so cute and adorable turn so nasty so quickly?” he asked plaintively.
Keller thought for a moment, “Wait, you didn’t happen to say that they were cute and adorable out loud while you were in the room with the otters did you?”
“Yeah. Why?” Lukazewicz asked. “It’s not like they can understand me, is it?”
Keller exchanged looks with Carter, who had come to see how Lukazewicz was doing.
“Maybe it would be best if we restricted who’s able to see the otters,” Keller suggested as they moved away from his bed, “Giving them strict instructions to talk to them as if they were human beings.”
“Good idea. And make sure that Lukazewicz and Daewodu don’t go anywhere near them.” Carter added, “Ronon seems to have taken an especial dislike to both of them.”
“Can’t say I blame him,” Keller commented. “Oh not that Lukazewicz and Daewodu are horrible people” she explained, seeing Carter’s semi-horrified expression, “Just what Ronon’s gone through; being turned into an animal, having soldiers chasing, stunning and manhandling him, then suffering the indignity of someone cooing at him and calling him cute. I’d want to attack someone too.”
Daniel was as good as his word and in ninety minutes sent through a data burst entitled “Everything you ever wanted to know about otters but were afraid to ask”. Sanchez immediately set about devouring as much of the information as possible.
Three hours later, under Sanchez’s supervision, a passable replica of a sandy river bank had been constructed in the observation room using grasses, rocks, and soil from the mainland that both the botany and geology departments had declared 100% safe. Dr Zelenka had jerry rigged a small fountain that kept a small dish full of fresh drinking water and a matching tub of salt water was brought in to mirror the one already filled with fresh water. After an initial suspicion of their new environment, the otters soon overcame their misgivings. When the last human had left the room they emerged from where they’d retreated behind the fresh water tub and proceeded to use the new terrain as a playground. Grasses became hiding places, rocks were for climbing and sliding on, soil was for digging up.
“Well at least they seem happy.” Carter commented, joining Sanchez in the observation gallery where she’d slumped with exhaustion. “What else did you find out about them?”
“They’re all different species. Teyla - the smallest one - seems to be an Asian small-clawed otter. Rodney - the smaller and smoother furred of the three males - is a Eurasian otter. John is an American river otter. Now Ronon is quite different. The ring of thicker and paler fur around his head marks him as a sea otter, which I guess explains why he didn’t much like the tub of fresh water earlier, but now seems quite happy with the salt water.”
They watched for a few moments as Ronon punted around the salt-water tub. It was barely two times his length, but he seemed quite content with floating on his back, lazily using a paw to change his direction whenever he collided with the edges of the tub.
“The SGC has also sent through a crate of sea and fresh fish, as well as some shell fish and mollusks,” Carter said.
“Well that’s a relief,” Sanchez sighed, “Teyla’s not shown any interest in the food yet, which isn’t surprising seeing as her species prefers crabs and mollusks.”
“I’ll have them brought over as soon as possible.”
“Any news from the planet? As winning as they are like this, I’d really prefer to see them back in their accustomed forms as soon as possible.”
“Nothing yet, but it’s early days. If there’s a way to turn them back, they’ll find it.”
Continue to Part Two.
Author: with_apostrophe
Prompt: In my youth/humor
Rating: PG
Word count: 11,000
Warnings/ Spoilers: If you like your fic straight up and serious, without a hint of the cracked, absurd or even just totally ridiculous read no further. The story in this fic is set sometime just after “Reunion”, and before a certain big event for Teyla; if that doesn’t work timeline wise, then consider this an AU. Watch out for the dreaded OCs! (No, I’m not referring to Orange County)
Summary: “Ma’am. This is what I needed to show you so you’d believe it. This is... well, I don’t really know how to say this but err-This is Sheppard’s team?”
Author’s Notes: All factual inaccuracy is my own fault, as are the appalling jokes, for which I make no apology. This is intended as a tribute to a genre of SGA fics that I love very much, and if you think you recognize any oblique references to certain stories in that particular genre, you’re probably not imagining it. No Wii remotes (Wiimotes) were damaged during the writing of this fic. And yes, the beginning is supposed to be in italics...)
It was one of those rainy afternoons, common across two galaxies on planets with temperate or tropical zones. Water fell in huge, seemingly unending droplets, splattering against glass, stone, metal, wood, or sundry other synthetic materials, in rhythms ranging from soothing to irritating. According to their outlook on life, the universe, and everything, beings despaired or celebrated, cursed or rejoiced, or simply shrugged in apathy when confronted with the wet weather. Across the known galaxies, the reactions to the rain were as varied as the shades of grey (and sometimes other colors) that the skies wrapped themselves in.
On one particular planet, in one particular apartment, the reaction was closer to despair than celebration.
Dr Mercedes Sanchez glared balefully at her three young, and thankfully, temporary, wards. They’d only been with her an hour and already she was wondering whether agreeing to look after them for half a day was the biggest mistake she’d made in the past twenty years. She tried to ignore Jody muttering complaints under her breath about how both the weather and the fact that she was not allowed to spend the rest of the day with her friends was so “so unfay-ure”. Mercedes covered her wincing with a calm exterior as her Wii remote was flung across the room in disgust. (Fine, so it was way past obsolete and approaching being labeled “stone age” in technological terms, but it still worked, and wasn’t ready to have such disrespect targeted at it, even though Jamie’s wrath hadn’t even made the battery cover fly off). She offered up silent prayers for intervention as she hauled a sobbing six year old girl onto her lap as best she could, and attempted to offer some kind of comfort against the trauma of her favorite stuffed bunny’s dress accidentally getting decimated by a pair of paper scissors, or at least, that seemed to be the cause from what she could glean through the sniffling, hitching breath, and muffled syllables pressed into her, until very recently, clean jacket.
Two minutes after Chloe had stopped crying, fourteen-year-old Jody and nine-year-old Jamie were at each other’s throats, the bone of contention about comprehensible as whatever Chloe had been wailing about. Mercedes managed to separate them so they could sit and sulk at opposite ends of her impressively large living room, but was about three seconds away from calling their mother away from a much deserved half day off to deal with this trifecta of rebellious, dissatisfied and inconsolable youth, when she remembered what their grandfather had told her the previous day.
“Right, you guys.” Mercedes declared as she sank into the large armchair, situated just so she could bask in the afternoon’s sun (when it wasn’t raining) and watch the spectacular sun sets. “I know you’re fed up at being stuck inside, and that you’d prefer to be with your friends or that your mother hadn’t banned you from accessing the central computer for the rest of the day, but this here-“ she waved her hands to indicate the room, “Is what we have to work with. I see that movies and my Wii console didn’t go down too well, and I don’t think we’ll revisit paper crafts again,” she added, to comfort Chloe whose bunny was now wrapped in a sloppy makeshift pillowcase toga, “So, we’re going to try something your grandpa suggested when he heard I was going to be looking after you guys.”
Mercedes chose to ignore the pair of fourteen-year-old eyes that seemed set to roll right out of their sockets and continued.
“Do any of you know about my stories?”
“Grandpa mentioned them.” sulked Jamie, as he began to hit the base of the window seat with the back of his heels.
“And Cayvai Teyla said you wrote a book.” Jody was quick to add, sneering at her brother from afar.
“Stories?” Chloe asked as she wormed her way back into Mercedes’ lap, with only the faint remnants of a sniffle remaining.
“Yeah, stories, but about things that happened on the Atlantis expedition when I was young. They’re about the fun things that haven’t made it into the history books, like why there’s a bowling alley in Atlantis. And some of the very embarrassing things that we all agreed wouldn’t be made known to the public until we are all gone. Now, your grandpa, Cayvai Teyla, and I, decided a while ago that you guys should be made custodians of the stories, so that when there’s none of us old Lanteans left you can make sure they’re not forgotten, maybe even get the written versions published.
“But! Before I even tell you a word of our stories you must swear not to tell anyone, and I mean anyone, until we all gone. In fact, you’re not allowed to even tell anyone that these stories exist. OK?”
“Seriously?” Jody grimaced.
“Yes, very seriously. If you don’t all swear to total secrecy then you won’t hear a word. Not one!”
“I never said I wanted to.” Jody pointed out with a defiant toss of her long brown hair.
“Then you can go and sit in that room over there while I tell your brother and sister after they’ve sworn an oath of secrecy.”
“That’s the bathroom.”
“Yes, it is, and if you think it’s boring in here, it’s even more boring in there, so how about it?”
“I want to hear the stories,” piped up Chloe.
“We’re not allowed to mention these to anyone, right?” asked Jamie as he tentatively made a few steps toward where Mercedes and Chloe were already ensconced.
“Well you can talk to your Grandpa and Cayvai Teyla, seeing as it’s their idea, but other than that, as far as everyone else knows, there are no secret stories. Ok?”
Jamie took a few more steps forward and shrugged, “Ok. Is there a charter we have to sign in blood or something?”
Mercedes took a moment to ensure that she didn’t start laughing before responding, “Well I don’t think that signing in blood will really be necessary, unless you’re going to declare yourselves as pirates?”
Jamie scowled at her a little.
“Maybe if you just raise your hands and repeat after me...?”
Jamie and Chloe eagerly raised their hands; in fact, Chloe was so keen that she raised both hands until her brother hissed that she was only supposed to raise one.
“How about it, Jody? Listen to some stories about your Grandpa and our friends or go sit in the bathroom?” Mercedes proffered with a smile.
“Ok.” Jody groaned as if she was under great duress. “But I’m not raising my hand like a total grifnot."
“Language, young lady!” cautioned Mercedes, “Well, I think we can do without the raised hand in your case.”
Two minutes later, two excited and one bored minor had sworn oaths never to reveal the existence of unknown stories about the Atlantis expedition to anyone not named by their honorary Aunt Mercedes, nor to let the content of said stories be known to anyone while any of the early expedition members remained. Chloe rearranged herself on Mercedes’ lap while Jamie settled himself down on a low stool at Mercedes’ feet. Jody pulled up a chair and made it clear through her expression just how lame she thought the whole thing was.
With her remaining free hand, Mercedes called up a file on the small screen that sat next to her armchair.
“Right then. If you’re all comfortable, I will begin.”
And she began to read.
~o0(*)0o~
It was an ordinary day on Atlantis. Technically, there was no such thing as an ordinary day on Atlantis as each new day brought its full share of innovative problems, puzzles and crises, but that in itself made it an ordinary day. You never knew what was going to happen next.
The gate room was relatively quiet. Major Lorne’s team had left an hour ago to investigate why Sheppard’s team was twelve hours overdue on their check in call, and there were no other teams due to depart that day.
Chuck sighed as he-
~o0(*)0o~
“Is that Grandpa?” Chloe interrupted.
Jody rolled her eyes so hard she nearly strained a muscle.
“Of course it’s Grandpa. Grandpa worked in the gate room on the control consoles. Everyone knows that.”
“Anyway,” Mercedes intoned before continuing with the story.
~o0(*)0o~
Chuck sighed as he ran a diagnostic on the power relays. They had never been quite the same after their run in the replicator weapon and re-acquaintance with space travel. Dr Zelenka was working on some ways to re-route power to try to get them back to full efficiency, but progress was slow, with only an increment of a few percent every time they tried something new. The computer had just spat out the new figures (up only 1.53%) when the gate activated. Chuck spun around to the main console and activated the shield, just as he felt a presence at his left elbow - Colonel Carter.
“Receiving IDC,” he stated after glancing at the verification read out on one of the many laptops that augmented their use of the complex Ancient systems. “It’s Major Lorne.”
“Drop the shield,” Carter commanded, as she moved away from the control console and out onto the gate room balcony. She hit her radio.
“Major Lorne, this Atlantis. Have you found Colonel Sheppard’s team?”
“Yes, we have,” came the reply, “In a manner of speaking.”
Carter frowned. “Would you care to elaborate on that, Major?”
A faint noise that seemed a lot like choking came over the connection, and when Lorne spoke again, he sounded slightly strangled. “Well, we found them in the Ancient outpost here, but they’re not quite themselves.”
“Can you be more specific?”
“Not really,” Lorne replied in the same strangled tone. “But I can verify that they’re in our custody and of no threat to Atlantis or anyone, really.”
Muffled sounds of protest and some noises that neither Chuck nor Carter could quite identify came across the open radio link.
“Well, threat isn’t exactly the right word,” he added in a tone that suggested he was trying not to laugh.
Carter took a moment to share a puzzled and concerned look with Chuck.
“Major,” she began again, “I’d like to speak to Colonel Sheppard.”
Once again, Lorne seemed to be choking, “I’m afraid that’s impossible.”
“Is he injured?”
“No, he's fine, although my team are... a little scratched up. Colonel Sheppard and the rest of his team seem to be in good health and are here with us. They just can’t communicate... properly at the moment. Ma’am, think it’s best if we show you, especially as the natives don’t seem all too keen on us still being here. Permission to come home?”
Carter paused for a moment. At least once a day since she’d taken over command of Atlantis she found herself wishing that they’d chosen someone, anyone else for the job and this was her third such wish today - not that she’d been counting. Sheppard’s team in particular, had knack of getting into crazy situations that may or may not affect the fates of everyone on Atlantis and even in the whole Pegasus Galaxy, and while yes, SG-1 had that same knack, she had been part of the team, not making high-level command decisions on their behalf from a frankly very cushy office.
~o0(*)0o~
“Wait” interrupted Jody, “I thought these were real stories. I mean things that really happened?”
“They are.”
“But you’re telling the story and you weren’t there. And you don’t know what Colonel Carter was thinking.”
“Well, while we don’t talk about these things in public, I have talked to everyone involved in the stories and asked them exactly what happened, what they were thinking at the time. So yes, there might be some filling in, but it’s as accurate as anyone’s story would be.”
“Oh. Ok,” Jody shrugged.
When no other objections seemed forthcoming, Mercedes resumed her story.
~o0(*)0o~
“Very well, Major. I’ll trust your judgment.”
“Thank you, Colonel. Just one more thing - I’d advise getting Dr Sanchez up to the gate room as soon as possible.”
“Dr Sanchez?” Carter asked. “The biologist?”
“Yeah she’s covering some of Dr Helger’s work while he’s on compassionate leave, right?”
“Yes, she is.”
“Then she’s the one.”
Carter nodded at Chuck and he quickly radioed Dr Sanchez to let her know that her presence would be needed in the gate room.
~o0(*)0o~
“That’s you.” Jamie observed. “You’re Dr Sanchez!”
“I am. I thought I’d start with a story that I was deeply involved in,” said Mercedes with a grin, “Shall I go on?”
“Yes, please!” the boy reflected her grin back at her.
~o0(*)0o~
“Major, Dr Sanchez is on her way, but I really would like to know what has happened that you need a biologist in the gate room.” Carter demanded. “Just what is going on?”
“You’d really do better seeing for yourself.”
“Very well,” she repeated, nodding at Chuck once more, “The shield is down, come on through.”
The Marines on the floor of the gate room were on extra high alert when they saw the shield come down and braced themselves against the potential unknown that might be coming through the gate. Even with the extremely strange things they saw on a regular basis, nothing would have prepared them for what actually came through.
A bedraggled Dr Eisen and a decidedly ruffled Lt Daewodu were the first to step through, carrying two wooden cages, each holding a long brown animal. Next appeared Sergeant Kleinman struggling with a huge unconscious animal that was wrapped up in what seemed to have once been his jacket and slung over one shoulder. He stumbled over to the closest Marine and gasped out, “Help me get him down,” the Marine barely getting his hands gun-free quick enough to prevent the animal’s head from hitting the floor.
Finally, Lorne stepped through, carrying a somewhat larger cage than the doctor and the Lieutenant had and the gate shut down behind them.
“Major! You said you had Sheppard’s team with you, and what are these animals doing here?” demanded Carter as she ran down the gate room steps.
Lorne offered her a small smile before responding.
“Ma’am. This is what I needed to show you so you’d believe it. This is... well, I don’t really know how to say this but err-“
“This is Sheppard’s team?” she spoke over him as she put four missing team members and four very present animals together and came up with a conclusion that made most of her experiences back in the Milky Way seem normal by anyone’s reckoning.
“We found them in a room with only one exit and McKay’s laptop hooked up to some Ancient tech. There were human tracks coming into the room, but none leading out. The villagers in the nearby settlement said they saw them going toward the outpost but they never saw them coming back. They also said they’d never heard of anyone turning into animals before and gave us the cages. For some reason I think they just wanted to get rid of us.” Lorne explained. “Anyway, we think the smallest one is Teyla; she certainly seems the calmest of them all. We reckon that dark one there, with the ruffled fur is Colonel Sheppard, the one pacing his cage is Dr McKay, and that-“ he gestured at the semi-wrapped, unconscious and drooling animal laying on the floor, “Is most definitely Ronon, we have no doubt of that.”
~o0(*)0o~
“Wait.” Jody interrupted. “There’s no way they were turned into animals. That can’t happen!”
“Well at this point it’s just Lorne’s conclusion.”
“But I mean, turned into animals! How could he even think that?”
“Let’s just say that ‘Expect the unexpected.’ was our unofficial motto in those early days. It might not have prepared us for anything, but at least it gave us a philosophy to cling to when the Pegasus Galaxy threw us curve balls that nobody could hope to catch.”
~o0(*)0o~
Carter stared at Lorne incredulously before she pointed out, “It’s unconscious.”
“He didn’t want to come willingly like the others. He put up a good fight.” Behind Lorne, Lt Daewodu made a quiet snorting sound. “A very good fight, so in the end we had to stun him.”
“Without knowing what it might do?”
“Didn’t have much choice, is was that or leave him there.”
“Him? I’d like some actual scientific proof before I start believing that Sheppard’s team has been turned into-“
“Madre de Dios! Otters!” exclaimed Dr Mercedes Sanchez as she arrived in the gate room, and caught sight of the animals. “What are otters doing in Atlantis’ gate room?”
~o0(*)0o~
“What’s an odder?” Chloe asked.
“Otter.” Mercedes repeated, ensuring she enunciated carefully. “It’s an animal, a lot like a dog, but flatter, and they like the water. A lot. Well really, they’re not that much like cats or dogs, but they do get hyperactive like dogs can.”
“What’s hypoartive?”
“Hypoactive? It’s when something can’t keep still.”
“Like Jamie?”
Mercedes wondered whether she’d be breaking some ancient rule of “things not to say when looking after kids” if she said “yes”; Jamie was well known for having an excess of energy that necessitated three nights of after school sports club.
“A little like Jamie.” Mercedes conceded as she pulled the physical central computer interface that she preferred over to herself and input a query.
“Now I know that you guys are banned from the central computer this afternoon, but your mum didn’t say anything about me. So... there you go!”
An otter appeared on the large, very thin screen that dominated one end of her living room when it was active. It fidgeted and scrabbled in the dirt it was laying on before jumping up and diving gracefully into a nearby body of water. An under-water shot showed the otter performing a balletic display of turns, rolls and tumbles.
Mercedes watched their faces carefully, smiling inwardly as even Jody swiftly became enraptured by the amazing animal on the screen.
“They’re so cute!” Jody exclaimed.
“I want one!” Chloe declared.
“Me too,” agreed Jamie, “Are they hard to look after?”
“Yes, they are cute, and as for easy to look after - well you’ll find out pretty soon in the story. Just make sure that your parents take you to a zoo or nature reserve to see some real ones as soon as you possibly can. So, on with the story.”
~o0(*)0o~
Three hours later the otters had been removed from the gate room, examined both by Dr Keller and Dr Sanchez and declared to be in good health. Dr Sanchez, having some limited experience in zoology was covering for the small zoology department, who were temporarily absent from Atlantis thanks to the unfortunate coincidence of the ending of Dr Tilly’s research project, Dr Fankham’s annual leave and the sudden need for compassionate leave for the one remaining zoologist - Dr Helger. The effects of the stun blast seemed to have had no deleterious effects on the largest otter, and it began to wake up as Dr Keller drew blood from it so she could run every test possible to determine whether or not this was Sheppard’s team. Given the damage the otter inflicted on Lorne’s team, even to the point of leaving a few bloodless bite marks on Lt Daewodu’s arm, nobody wanted to face moving the animal again while it was awake, so after a light sedative, he (the doctors had determined gender too - he was one of three males) was moved into the observation room. The observation room now contained a huge tub of water that a helpful botanist had procured from somewhere, and, thanks to Lorne’s foresight after getting his scratches patched up, some fish that the Mess had been about to make into fish pie. The other otters had become extremely agitated after the largest otter had been removed from their sight, following him with huge limpid eyes as he was carried away, and then making such a ruckus of calls and whistles that there was no choice but to see if keeping them together would make a difference.
The idea was to keep them in their cages, but after some initial calm from the otters after their reunion, the agitation picked up again, with the otters adding restless pacing to their repertoire of anxious behavior, and the now awake large otter head-butting the cage latches. Dr Sanchez was far from being an otter expert, but from what she could remember otters were generally quite social animals and were unlikely to start scratching each other’s eyes out so she recommended they be let out of the cages. The moment they were released they congregated in what the Marine by the door noted was the most tactically advantageous corner, shooting what he swore were contemptuous looks at him.
Up in the gallery Carter, and Dr Zelenka watched as Sanchez and the Marine left the room. By the time Sanchez had made it up to the gallery the huddle had broken up and all four were examining the extent of their confines. The large otter stuck a paw and the tip of his nose into the water, but after drinking a little, snorted and backed off. One sniffed at the bowls of salmon and the Pegasus version of haddock in the corner, before taking a cautious bite of the pink fish. The other two seemed to be involved in a systematic investigation of every remaining inch of the room.
Sanchez was about to speak when Carter’s radio activated. The Colonel listened for a few seconds before asking Zelenka and Sanchez to listen in too.
“Go ahead,” Carter prompted when Zelenka and Sanchez were patched in.
“Their tests back up our preliminary assessment that they’re all in good health. They have no obvious diseases, no harmful or communicable viruses and bacteria. However, there are some genetic abnormalities. Of course, I’m not sure what would be genetically normal for an otter, but there do seem to be trace elements of DNA that match key sequences in Colonel Sheppard’s, Ronon’s, Teyla’s and Dr McKay’s sequences. Plus, both the smaller males tested positive for the ATA gene.” She took a deep breath, “I’m saying this with extreme caution, but there are strong indications that Major Lorne was right.”
“You don’t mean to say that you think...?” Zelenka trailed off, the sheer lunacy of the idea apparent on his face.
“Yeah, I think Sheppard’s team has been turned into otters.”
Carter looked stunned for a moment, but then shook it off. “Alright then, that’s what we’re going with until we find out differently. Lorne, Zelenka, I need you to go back to that planet with a team and find out everything you can about that Ancient outpost. Sanchez, you’re in charge of the otters. I have a call to make.”
~o0(*)0o~
“You guys ok?” Mercedes asked. “You’re all very quiet all of a sudden.”
“We’re listening!” Jamie explained.
“You want drinks, or snacks?”
“Maybe later,” said Jody, “Can you continue?”
Once again Mercedes beat down a huge grin, and continued.
~o0(*)0o~
“Daniel!” Carter exclaimed, greatly relieved to see that her dear friend was already in the SGC gate room. “It’s good to see you.”
“You too, Sam. How is everything?” he answered with a warm smile.
“Well I need your help.”
“You mean you didn’t just call to see how we were?” he teased.
Carter smiled a little. “Unfortunately not. You should have received our data burst by now. At the top of the main directory there’s a file with your name on it.”
“Need something translated?” Daniel asked as Walter pulled the relevant file up on the nearest monitor.
“I need some information and I need it fast.”
“On otters?” he asked, after scanning the first few lines of text.
“Yep,” Carter sighed. “We have ourselves a bit of a problem.”
“An otter infestation? Wait-“ he scanned a little further, “You think Colonel Sheppard’s team have been turned into otters?”
“I know, it sounds crazy, but we’ve done DNA testing and-“
“Admittedly it does rank up there with some of the wackier things we’ve seen and done, but actually, I was just wondering - why otters? Why not cats, or bears, or... penguins?”
“Dolphins,” a deep voice pitched somewhere between solemnity and amusement suggested.
“Teal’c!” Carter greeted the Jaffa with joy.
“Colonel Carter,” he responded, tilting his head in his normal manner of greeting.
“So what have you done with them?” Daniel continued.
“They’re in the observation room for the time being.” Carter disappeared out of frame and could be heard giving some unintelligible instructions to someone in the control room. The screens in the SGC control room flickered briefly before displaying a smallish, not quite rectangular room. The camera was positioned low to record the movements of the short-legged animals. Three were fully visible with the top of the head or the back legs and tail of the fourth appearing and disappearing at random but frequent intervals over the top of the tub of water. There were also two humans in the room, although the camera only showed their lower halves.
“This is the set up we have at the moment,” Carter spoke over the live feed, “but as you can see it’s totally inadequate. Dr Sanchez is doing her best, but we’re sadly lacking in zoology experts at the moment. We don’t know what environment to provide for them, what behavior we can expect to see or even what to feed them, although one otter seems to very keen on the salmon and the other wolfed down the haddock. Apparently the reference material we brought from Earth doesn’t really cover the care and feeding of otters.”
“Can’t imagine why.” Daniel muttered to himself. “Ok, Sam, I should have something for you in about an hour and a half.”
“Thanks Daniel. I really appre- what the hell?” Carter broke off.
Daniel and Teal’c watched as the largest otter hefted itself up on it back legs, bared its teeth, and let out an almighty yelp of rage as it flung itself at Nurse Lukazewicz’s legs. Startled by the sudden nature of the attack, Lukazewicz tumbled backwards, only just stopping himself before his head made heavy contact with the nearest wall. Seeing an opportunity the otter launched himself at the upper part of Lukazewicz’s body, managing to get his arm in between it’s teeth and mercilessly kicking him in the lower stomach with his back legs.
“So that one must be Ronon,” Daniel remarked.
“I believe so,” Teal’c agreed.
They watched as the Marine moved to try to drag the animal off the unfortunate nurse, but was hampered by an angry tail thrashing in his face and other otters joining in to jubilantly wrestle with whatever parts of the Marine or his clothing they could reach.
“’Though the others are holding their own.” Daniel added.
“Indeed,” said Teal’c, before the feed from the observation room cut off, and the worried face of Chuck appeared in its place.
“Sorry about that, Dr Jackson, Teal’c,” he apologized, “Colonel Carter has left to deal with the...err...situation.”
“No problem,” said Daniel, “Just let her know we’ll have the information she needs soon.” And the wormhole shut off.
“Looks like Sheppard’s team might be giving SG-1 a run for our money in the crazy occurrences stakes,” Daniel sighed, as he left to arrange for the needed information to be collected.
“Indeed.”
~o0(*)0o~
“I’ve seen video of Teal’c,” Jamie commented. “He said ‘indeed’ a lot.”
“Yes, indeed!” Mercedes’ quipped with a grin. “Let’s move on.”
~o0(*)0o~
“All I did was check how much fish had been eaten, like I was told to.” Lukazewicz protested after he’d been patched up. The attack had looked worse than it had actually been, leaving the man more shaken than physically injured. The other otters hadn’t hurt the Marine at all other than leaving him looking bedraggled and chewed on.
“Then he attacked me! How can something so cute and adorable turn so nasty so quickly?” he asked plaintively.
Keller thought for a moment, “Wait, you didn’t happen to say that they were cute and adorable out loud while you were in the room with the otters did you?”
“Yeah. Why?” Lukazewicz asked. “It’s not like they can understand me, is it?”
Keller exchanged looks with Carter, who had come to see how Lukazewicz was doing.
“Maybe it would be best if we restricted who’s able to see the otters,” Keller suggested as they moved away from his bed, “Giving them strict instructions to talk to them as if they were human beings.”
“Good idea. And make sure that Lukazewicz and Daewodu don’t go anywhere near them.” Carter added, “Ronon seems to have taken an especial dislike to both of them.”
“Can’t say I blame him,” Keller commented. “Oh not that Lukazewicz and Daewodu are horrible people” she explained, seeing Carter’s semi-horrified expression, “Just what Ronon’s gone through; being turned into an animal, having soldiers chasing, stunning and manhandling him, then suffering the indignity of someone cooing at him and calling him cute. I’d want to attack someone too.”
Daniel was as good as his word and in ninety minutes sent through a data burst entitled “Everything you ever wanted to know about otters but were afraid to ask”. Sanchez immediately set about devouring as much of the information as possible.
Three hours later, under Sanchez’s supervision, a passable replica of a sandy river bank had been constructed in the observation room using grasses, rocks, and soil from the mainland that both the botany and geology departments had declared 100% safe. Dr Zelenka had jerry rigged a small fountain that kept a small dish full of fresh drinking water and a matching tub of salt water was brought in to mirror the one already filled with fresh water. After an initial suspicion of their new environment, the otters soon overcame their misgivings. When the last human had left the room they emerged from where they’d retreated behind the fresh water tub and proceeded to use the new terrain as a playground. Grasses became hiding places, rocks were for climbing and sliding on, soil was for digging up.
“Well at least they seem happy.” Carter commented, joining Sanchez in the observation gallery where she’d slumped with exhaustion. “What else did you find out about them?”
“They’re all different species. Teyla - the smallest one - seems to be an Asian small-clawed otter. Rodney - the smaller and smoother furred of the three males - is a Eurasian otter. John is an American river otter. Now Ronon is quite different. The ring of thicker and paler fur around his head marks him as a sea otter, which I guess explains why he didn’t much like the tub of fresh water earlier, but now seems quite happy with the salt water.”
They watched for a few moments as Ronon punted around the salt-water tub. It was barely two times his length, but he seemed quite content with floating on his back, lazily using a paw to change his direction whenever he collided with the edges of the tub.
“The SGC has also sent through a crate of sea and fresh fish, as well as some shell fish and mollusks,” Carter said.
“Well that’s a relief,” Sanchez sighed, “Teyla’s not shown any interest in the food yet, which isn’t surprising seeing as her species prefers crabs and mollusks.”
“I’ll have them brought over as soon as possible.”
“Any news from the planet? As winning as they are like this, I’d really prefer to see them back in their accustomed forms as soon as possible.”
“Nothing yet, but it’s early days. If there’s a way to turn them back, they’ll find it.”
Continue to Part Two.