The Changing Within [LFWS #4 ROUND 4]
The Changing Within:
Author: To be revealed
Rating: PG for mild language
Spoilers: Conversion
Genre(s): Character Study
Character(s): John Sheppard
Disclaimer: Stargate belongs to Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer Studios Inc., no infringements of any rights is intended.
Prompt for the Round: Write an entry to any character's journal, diary, mission report or any personal or professional log.
The Changing Within by TO BE REVEALED
Day One
I can feel it happening already . . . I’m changing. It’s like a non-stop adrenaline rush. I can out-run Ronon. I can out-maneuver Teyla.
Teyla. . . I don’t know what made me kiss her. I just felt this urge to..I don’t know…mate I guess. Crap! I’m lucky she was gracious about it and didn’t kick my ass.
Doc’s worried; I can see it in his eyes, even if he says we’ll figure it out and that I’ll be fine. Elizabeth’s scared too - which is unnerving. I’m used to seeing Doc and Rodney get wigged out by stuff they can’t explain.
Elizabeth’s usually a rock. Stoic. Unshakeable. Seeing her more than a little freaked out has me more worried than anything else.
I don’t feel like this is a bad thing; not yet anyway. I’m stronger, faster, more agile. I feel almost invincible. That patch on my arm where Ellia cut me is kind of weird, but I can live with it.
I have a feeling this won’t be the end of it though.
Day Two
I’m mutating. Becoming a bug. The constant adrenaline rush is clouding my mind. I feel more aggressive and it’s getting harder to control my actions.
I smashed Elizabeth’s window. I’m surprised she didn’t lock me up, and instead just sent me to my quarters with a pathetic little security detail. I could overtake them in a heartbeat if I really wanted to.
Thank God for the inhibitor. It’s the only thing keeping me lucid, keeping me human.
I wish they’d leave me alone. Can’t they all see that I’m not safe to be around? They need this mission to be successful - to get those eggs - to stop this before it gets worse and I lose control. I’m already not safe to be around.
--/--
Elizabeth’s asked Caldwell to step in and do my job. She says it’s temporary but I know she’s trying to keep all her bases covered, just in case -
The inhibitor isn’t as effective any more. I’m losing myself, becoming more of that thing and less human.
--/--
Anger.
Frustration.
Aggression.
My hand around her throat, pinning her to the wall.
They need to kill me - let me go. Free me from this.
Keep them safe.
I have to get out.
--/--
Running.
Escape.
Looking down.
Friends?
Pain.
Darkness.
Day Three
Voices.
A mission.
Salvation.
--/--
Aggression.
Anticipation.
Attack.
Danger.
Must get out.
Pain.
Two weeks later
I feel more like myself. I’ve made my apologies and am working to put this whole ordeal behind me. As I’ve recovered more and more of my actions during my mutation were brought to the surface and I’ve got a lot of damage control to do. The increased strength and speed were great, but not when they came at the cost of putting my friends - my family - at risk. I put my hands on Elizabeth in anger and that is unforgiveable. I’m humbled that she’s willing to keep me around; to let me keep my position as military commander of Atlantis; to still call me friend.
I violated Teyla’s trust, too, and forced myself on her; again, it’s unforgiveable and I’m relieved that she too is willing to still call me friend.
Doc says the patch on my arm will heal completely with time. For now, it’s a constant reminder of how close I came to losing it all.
I won’t put my family at risk like that again.
Author: To be revealed
Rating: PG for mild language
Spoilers: Conversion
Genre(s): Character Study
Character(s): John Sheppard
Disclaimer: Stargate belongs to Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer Studios Inc., no infringements of any rights is intended.
Prompt for the Round: Write an entry to any character's journal, diary, mission report or any personal or professional log.
The Changing Within by TO BE REVEALED
Day One
I can feel it happening already . . . I’m changing. It’s like a non-stop adrenaline rush. I can out-run Ronon. I can out-maneuver Teyla.
Teyla. . . I don’t know what made me kiss her. I just felt this urge to..I don’t know…mate I guess. Crap! I’m lucky she was gracious about it and didn’t kick my ass.
Doc’s worried; I can see it in his eyes, even if he says we’ll figure it out and that I’ll be fine. Elizabeth’s scared too - which is unnerving. I’m used to seeing Doc and Rodney get wigged out by stuff they can’t explain.
Elizabeth’s usually a rock. Stoic. Unshakeable. Seeing her more than a little freaked out has me more worried than anything else.
I don’t feel like this is a bad thing; not yet anyway. I’m stronger, faster, more agile. I feel almost invincible. That patch on my arm where Ellia cut me is kind of weird, but I can live with it.
I have a feeling this won’t be the end of it though.
Day Two
I’m mutating. Becoming a bug. The constant adrenaline rush is clouding my mind. I feel more aggressive and it’s getting harder to control my actions.
I smashed Elizabeth’s window. I’m surprised she didn’t lock me up, and instead just sent me to my quarters with a pathetic little security detail. I could overtake them in a heartbeat if I really wanted to.
Thank God for the inhibitor. It’s the only thing keeping me lucid, keeping me human.
I wish they’d leave me alone. Can’t they all see that I’m not safe to be around? They need this mission to be successful - to get those eggs - to stop this before it gets worse and I lose control. I’m already not safe to be around.
--/--
Elizabeth’s asked Caldwell to step in and do my job. She says it’s temporary but I know she’s trying to keep all her bases covered, just in case -
The inhibitor isn’t as effective any more. I’m losing myself, becoming more of that thing and less human.
--/--
Anger.
Frustration.
Aggression.
My hand around her throat, pinning her to the wall.
They need to kill me - let me go. Free me from this.
Keep them safe.
I have to get out.
--/--
Running.
Escape.
Looking down.
Friends?
Pain.
Darkness.
Day Three
Voices.
A mission.
Salvation.
--/--
Aggression.
Anticipation.
Attack.
Danger.
Must get out.
Pain.
Two weeks later
I feel more like myself. I’ve made my apologies and am working to put this whole ordeal behind me. As I’ve recovered more and more of my actions during my mutation were brought to the surface and I’ve got a lot of damage control to do. The increased strength and speed were great, but not when they came at the cost of putting my friends - my family - at risk. I put my hands on Elizabeth in anger and that is unforgiveable. I’m humbled that she’s willing to keep me around; to let me keep my position as military commander of Atlantis; to still call me friend.
I violated Teyla’s trust, too, and forced myself on her; again, it’s unforgiveable and I’m relieved that she too is willing to still call me friend.
Doc says the patch on my arm will heal completely with time. For now, it’s a constant reminder of how close I came to losing it all.
I won’t put my family at risk like that again.