Fic: Those Three Words (McKay/Zelenka)
Title: Those Three Words.
Author: flubber2kool
Recipient: audreysmagic
Pairing: Rodney/Radek
Genre: Romance, first time.
Rating: R (There is a small sex scene but it is not explicit! Also a little bit of language!)
Characters: Rodney Mckay, Radek Zelenka, Teyla Emmagan, Carson Beckett, Elizabeth Wier, Ronan Dex, John Sheppard.
Disclaimer: I have no rights to any of the settings or characters from SGA. This story is being written for the SGA_santa fic-athon.
This story is being written for audreysmagic. The prompts are Rodney/Radek, general geekiness, Radek whumping, snarkiness and awkward declarations of love. I hope that I have got you what you wanted.
Spoilers for Tao of Rodney and the story take place after this.
Summary - In this story Radek discovers he has feelings for someone close, gets whumped by a strange piece of Alien tech and ends up declaring his love and finding that he is loved in return.
The story title and song lyric extracts are taken from “Chasing Cars” by snow patrol.
I would like to thank my beta Guy, my long-suffering boyfriend. I couldn’t have done it without him.
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“I don’t quite know, how to say, how I feel.
Those three words, are said too much, then not enough.”
Radek walked towards the lab. A young lady ran past him in tears. Raising his eyebrows and rolling his eyes he headed towards the door
“Ah Rodney. I see you have been your charming self again!” he said, heading towards the coffee pot.
“Well if the SGC stopped sending me these incompetent morons, I wouldn’t have to be like that would I?"
Rodney sighed, ‘No Rodney. Would you like some coffee?’
Rodney smiled. “Of course. Do you have to ask?”
Radek knew Rodney was right. When it came to coffee Rodney would always have a cup.
As he brought the coffee and put it down, he reached in to his pocket and pulled out an MRE and some powerbars.
“Colonel Sheppard told me you had missed lunch. He wanted me to make sure you ate these.”
Rodney looked up at him, “Thank you. I must admit I was beginning to feel a bit hungry.”
“So what have you been eating if you missed lunch?” Radek asked.
Rodney pointed to a pile of powerbar wrappers as he opened the MRE and went back to his computer.
Radek shook his head. “You should look after yourself. We don’t want you to faint do we?”
Rodney looked at him indignantly. “I didn’t faint. I passed out. If I didn’t have to deal with all the idiots they keep sending me, I wouldn’t have to spend as much time in the lab would I!”
“Please,” Radek replied incredulously, “I know that we're not as good as you, but even we couldn’t manage to blow up the lab in the time it takes you to go to lunch.”
At that Rodney looked away and carried on eating. Radek was taken aback by this. He had expected some sort of reply.
They lapsed in to silence. Radek sat down at his computer and watched Rodney as he worked.
There was something that he was feeling that went beyond friendship. He wasn’t sure when it happened, but he knew when he realised it for the first time. It was when the ancient machine transformed Rodney. He could still remember the words Rodney had spoken as if it was yesterday. They had gone straight to his heart. At the time he found it hard because he thought he was going to loose him. Now it was harder because he had a chance to tell him how he felt but he didn’t know how.
“Oh Rodney. You help keep Atlantis safe and you help keep me safe too. I want to help keep you safe and to give you someone to turn to and someone to love you.” He thought to himself.
“Now if on I could tell you.”
With a heavy sigh, he looked at Rodney and then returned his gaze to his computer. The silence lay heavy on him.
“…I need your grace, to see my need to find my own.”
Radek sat at breakfast the next morning. He was thinking about what had happened the day before and didn’t notice as Rodney sat down at the table.
“Radek. I want to do some tests on the ancient device that we found.”
“Mmm.” It was as this point that Radek noticed looked up to find Rodney staring at him intently.
Radek felt his heart skip a beat as he gazed in to twin pools of blue.
“Is there a problem?”
Radek really wanted to say, “Yes. You are the problem. I find myself very attracted to you and I don’t know what to do about it.”
Instead, he said “No. A little tired that’s all. Sorry. What were you saying?”
“I want to run tests on the artefact.”
Radek nodded. “Ok, but I suggest caution. Especially as we have no idea what it does. You remember what happened last time we messed with an ancient machine.”
How could he forget? He had nearly ascended. During that time he nearly killed Radek. In fact he did kill him! He remembered the feeling of desolation he had felt as he saw him lying there. It wasn’t just the sight of him lying there that had got to him. It was the knowledge that he had been responsible for it. But at least he had been able to save him.
After a moments silence, Rodney continued.
“Yes, yes. Of course we have to cautious. But if we are unwilling to take chances how are we going to make any discoveries?” He looked at Radek and continued, “Anyway, I’m sure that we are going to be ok. As of yet, we haven’t got anything out of it.”
Radek looked at him suspiciously. “I’ve heard that before!”
Rodney finished his coffee and put his mug down on the table, “Well anyway, the sooner we get started, the sooner we can discover what it is and does.”
Radek stopped eating. He wasn’t feeling that hungry. Picking up his tray and mug, he put them away and followed Rodney to the lab.
Things were not going too well. Everything they had tried had yielded no results. Rodney had tried to activate the artefact. It glowed for a moment and then went dark again. It was frustrating. Rodney had got so caught in his work that he hadn’t noticed the time passing.
John sat in the mess. Rodney was half and hour late for lunch. This was becoming a habit and he wasn’t happy. He missed the banter that he and Rodney shared over a meal. And apart from that, in his opinion, an MRE and some powerbars were no substitute for real food.
“For a guy who complains about hypoglycaemia, he really isn’t that good about eating!” he thought to himself, as he headed towards the lab.
As John walked in to the lab, he saw Rodney walking around with a mug of coffee in his hand and Radek, who was sitting beside an artefact.
“We could try to see if we could communicate…” Radek looked at the artefact.
“Yes, but we haven’t found any access points…”Rodney took another sip of coffee.
“Mmm. We could try putting a current…” Radek mused.
Rodney looked up and saw John standing there, “Or we could just ask the Colonel to try activating it for us.”
John found the verbal tennis fascinating. They seemed to be so in tune with each other they could finish each other’s sentences. It was something he had never managed to do, even though he thought of Rodney as he best friend.
“Hi guys. Something I can do for you?”
“Yes Colonel.” Rodney gestured towards the artefact, “Could you please try to activate this for us?”
John walked over to the artefact and took a look at it. It was square and had a sense of strange symbols on each side. It was unlike anything he had seen before.
“So what I do?”
Rodney looked at him and rolled his eyes. “You could try something like ‘on’. If that doesn’t work use you imagination. You do have one of those don’t you Colonel?”
Radek and John exchanged glances as John raised his eyebrows.
“Yes Rodney!” he said as he stared as the artefact, “I’ll see what I can do.”
John laid his hand on the top of the artefact. He focussed all his thoughts on it. He was trying to use his gene to will something to happen. Suddenly there was a click. The box opened to reveal a glowing orb of blue light. It was pulsing. John watched as it pulsed in a steady rhythm. It was almost hypnotic.
Rodney and Radek were deep in discussion about what to do next.
John interrupted, “Rodney, have you forgotten something?”
He stood there with his arms crossed, giving Rodney that look.
“Sorry Colonel. I have no idea what you are talking about.”
“Rodney!” John growled.
Radek looked at his watch, “Oh is that the time? Rodney…”
“Radek!”
“It might have something to do with…”
“Lunch! Colonel, I’m so sorry.” Rodney looked at John apologetically.
“That’s ok. It’s not too late. They’re serving chocolate pudding cups.”
“Really?” Rodney replied.
“Yes Rodney.” John said with a smirk, “And if we hurry there may be some left.”
Rodney looked at Radek, who couldn’t help smiling. “Go on Rodney. You know you need to eat. I’m not that hungry. I will stay and work on the artefact.”
“Are you sure?’ Rodney looked at him.
Radek laughed as he said, “Of course. Go! Now!”
“Colonel. Take him away please!” he looked at John pleadingly.
John put his hand on Rodney’s shoulder and guided him out of the lab door.
“Come on Rodney. Let’s leave the man alone.” He said as the doors closed behind them.
Radek looked at the door. He couldn’t help smiling as he thought about Rodney. Grabbing another cup of coffee, he sat down and looked at the artefact.
“Let’s see what we have here.”
The artefact hummed gently as the light pulsed. Radek began to take readings from it.
He wondered if he would be able to take energy readings directly from it. After having gathered the equipment, he attached the lead to the artefact. The power began to flow and Radek began to make notes.
After a while, Radek set his pad aside and began to think about Rodney.
“What is it about the man?” he thought to himself.
His mind went back to the day he had been working on the ancient machine and Rodney had come to speak to him. Rodney had described himself as someone who at times could be ‘petty, vindictive and even jealous.’ It was something Radek had thought when he had first met him. But as the years went on, he began to realise that there was something more to the man. Yes. He could be all those things at times. But he could also be brave and heroic. He was someone who cared. He was someone cared enough to come and apologise for the way that he had treated him and to ask for forgiveness. Rodney Mckay was a man of contradictions. The only thing that Radek knew for sure was that he was attracted to him and that as the days went on the attraction was getting stronger.
Radek became aware of a high-pitched whining noise. He looked at the artefact and noticed that the orb was now glowing red and the pulse had speeded up considerably. Radek wasn’t sure what was going to happen but he had the distinct feeling it was going to hurt.
Suddenly the room was filled with a bright white light and a loud noise. Radek was thrown backwards and his head his a wall. His glasses were thrown across the room and Radek lay unmoving on the lab floor. The artefact lay on the bench blackened and smoking. The air was filled with a strange acrid smell.
Rodney had just finished his meal and left John in the mess. He was full of food and energy and ready to see what Radek had learnt about the device. As the lab door opened he was met by smoke. The first thing he saw was the artefact sitting, blacked and smoking on the bench.
“Radek, Radek where are you?’ Rodney started to panic.
He moved round the bench. As he did so, he saw Radek lying, crumpled on the floor.
Grabbing his com, he shouted, “We have a medical emergency in Lab one. Something’s happened to Radek!”
Carson got a team together, grabbed a gurney and some medical equipment and headed to the lab.
The wait for Carson seemed like and eternity for Rodney. He had no idea what had happened, but he was sure that it had been something to do with the artefact.
“Come on Carson. Come on!” Rodney muttered as he paced the floor.
Carson rushed in to the lab. Rodney pointed to where Radek lay on the floor.
“What happened Rodney?” he asked as he started to tend to Radek.
“I have no idea.” Rodney shook his head. “I’ve just come back from having lunch with Colonel Sheppard. Radek and I were working on an artefact. Before the Colonel and I went to lunch, he activated it for us. Radek wasn’t hungry so he said that he would be ok staying working on the artefact. When we left he was ok. This was what I came back to.”
Rodney looked at Radek lying on the floor. Was he dead? Rodney was too scared to ask
Carson looked up and could see the look on Rodney’s face.
“I have good news and bad news. The good news is that he is breathing and he’s alive.”
Rodney swallowed hard. “The bad news?”
“He’s hit his head pretty hard and he is out cold. We have no idea how long he’s been unconscious. It’s possible that he has a bad head injury. The worse case scenario is that he has brain damage. We wont know for certain till we give him a scan.”
“There must be something you can do for him?” Rodney was really worried.
Carson stood up as the other members of his medical team carried on working.
Placing a hand on Rodney’s shoulder, he said, “I’m sorry lad. Right now all we can do is wait!”
With that, he went back to Radek and put on a neck brace as the team prepared to move him.
Rodney could only stand by helplessly as Carson and the team got Radek on to the gurney and rushed him to the infirmary.
Rodney followed. He was feeling numb. What if Radek wasn’t able to carry on working? He couldn’t imagine the lab without Radek being there. He was not only a brilliant scientist he was also a good friend.
He found himself standing in the infirmary as the medical team bustled around Radek’s bed.
“Please let him be ok.” He prayed silently.
Rodney was brought back to reality by his com going off.
‘This is Sheppard to Mckay. I’ve just heard what happened. Is Radek ok?’
“I don’t know Colonel. Carson and the medical staff are still working on him.”
“I’m heading towards the infirmary. Stay there.”
John ran down the corridor towards the infirmary.
As John rushed in to the infirmary, Carson and the medical team moved away from Radek’s bed. He was hooked up to various monitors and he had a drip in his hand. It was hard to see him like this. Rodney stayed glued to the spot. John put his hand on his shoulder.
“It’s ok Rodney. This isn’t your fault.”
“I wish I’d made him come to lunch with us. He would have been ok.” Rodney looked at Radek and swallowed back a tear.
Carson put down the file he was looking at and made his way over to him. He could see the look of concern on his face.
“It’s all right Rodney. He’s taken a bad blow to the head but his skull doesn’t appear to have been damaged. We won’t know for certain if there has been any brain damage until he wakes up. Until then it’s just a case of waiting. I’m sorry there is nothing else we can do.”
Rodney swallowed hard. He pulled up a chair beside Radek’s bed and sat down.
“I don’t suppose you can hear me. But on the chance that you can, please get better. I want you to be around. The place wouldn’t be the same without you.”
He laid his hand on Radek’s shoulder. Lapsing in to silence he sat down again.
At this point, Elizabeth walked in to the infirmary. She was accompanied by Ronan and Teyla who both went to stand beside John.
Elizabeth walked up to and stood beside Rodney. “What happened?”
Staying seated he looked up at her and said, “I don’t know. When Colonel Sheppard and I went to lunch, Radek was ok. He was looking at the artefact. Maybe Colonel Sheppard did something when he activated it. I have no idea what happened at all. I guess we will have to wait until Radek wakes up.”
“If he wakes up.” He added as an afterthought.
Elizabeth had sympathy for Rodney. She had a feeling that he thought that it was his fault.
Putting her hand on his shoulder she said, “I’m sure he is going to be ok. Carson is a good doctor and he has a good team working for him. He’s in a good place.”
Rodney looked up at her and smiled weakly, “I know. But he shouldn’t be here.”
Rodney looked at Radek and looked at Rodney. She stood in silence beside him.
John said, “Hey, we’ll leave you here and come back later, see how he’s doing.”
“Errm. Sorry Colonel. My minds a bit preoccupied.”
Carson came over to him. “Rodney are you ok?”
“Yes I’m fine. I want to stay here, ok. I want to be here for him when he wakes up.”
Carson nodded and patted his shoulder, Moving towards John, Ronan and Teyla, he turned to them.
“It’s alright. I’ll keep and eye on him. I get the feeling that I couldn’t get him to move away even if I wanted to. There is a spare bed beside Radek. We should try to get him to use it.”
Teyla nodded and looked at Ronan. “Ronan and I will look in later to see how Dr Mckay is doing.”
“Yeah.” Ronan added, “He may appreciate the company.”
With that they left the infirmary.
John stood with Carson and watched as said her goodbyes and left Rodney sitting alone by Radek’s bedside.
“I’m worried Carson. I think he blames himself for this. I know it wasn’t his fault. I activated it. Maybe it was something I did. Anyway, that’s not the point. I just don’t want him falling apart over this. He still feels guilty about when Zelenka was killed.”
“Aye Colonel. I know what you mean. I don’t think he’s got over seeing Radek lying there. At least that time he could save him. I wonder what this is doing to him?”
Rodney reached out and grasped Radek’s hand in his. He stroked the back of his hand gently. Rodney wished he could tell him just how much he meant to him.
It was getting late when John returned with some food for Rodney. He found him sitting by Rodney’s bed with a pad balanced on his knees,
Rodney looked up at him and smiled. “Hi Colonel. That smells good. Is that for me by any chance?”
“Yeah. Thought you might appreciate it. I guess you haven’t had anything to eat yet.”
“No. I’ve been here most of the time. I think that the only time I moved was to get my pad.”
“That figures.” John said as he lay the tray down.
Rodney took it from him and began to eat. John watched him. He hated seeing him like this, but he knew there was nothing he could do. The only thing that would help right now was if Radek woke up.
Rodney drank his coffee. “Mmm. That was good.”
He lifted his tray and looked around for somewhere to put it.
“That’s ok. I’ll take that.” John took the tray and lay on a table across from where Rodney was sitting.
Moving back to Rodney John asked, “How you feeling, buddy?”
“I’m not sure Colonel. I just want him to wake up. I didn’t mean this to happen. If I’d known this would happen, I would never have left him alone. I just don’t understand how he ended up like this. I mean there was no sign that this was going to happen. You saw the artefact didn’t you?”
“Yeah. I saw it. I activated it remember.” John sighed.
“Mmm. Yes of course you did. Sorry.” Rodney replied. “I’ve been going ever everything that happened and I can’t find anything that would have led us to believe that this was going to happen.”
“Look, there’s no point in blaming yourself. I’m the one that activated the artefact. For all we know, I was the one that caused the problem.”
“Yes but….” Rodney stuttered.
“Come on Rodney. You know I’m right. There’s no point in blaming yourself.”
“Yes. Yes! You said that before. But I know that I left him behind. If I’d taken him with us maybe that wouldn’t have happened.”
John realised that no matter what he said, Rodney was going to blame himself for this.
“Why don’t you get some rest? Carson said you could use the bed beside Radek.”
Rodney looked at Radek and then at John.
“It’s ok. I’ll have a word with the night staff. I’ll make sure you’ll be the first to know if he wakes up.”
Rodney hesitated.
“Please Rodney. I don’t think Radek would want you to exhaust yourself”
Rodney knew that John was right. But he still felt bad at the thought of going to sleep while Radek lay there. Reluctantly, he slipped his shoes off and lay on the bed. Not long after he drifted in to a restless sleep.
John smiled as he pulled a blanket over him.
Ronan and Teyla came in to the infirmary.
They walked over to where Rodney lay sleeping.
He had relaxed and he looked calm as he lay on the bed.
“He’s asleep.” She whispered as Rodney turned on the bed, “We should leave him.”
Ronan looked at her, smiled and nodded in silent agreement and started to leave.
Looking back he thought to himself, “He looks so peaceful.”
He couldn’t help smiling as he carried on walking.
Rodney woke up with a yawn. It took him a while to realise where he was. As silently as possible he put his shoes on and went and sat down by Radek.
“Look, I don’t know if you can hear me, but I’m going to say this anyway. You mean more to me that I realised. I have always seen you as a friend, but now I realise that you mean more to me than that. I think that I have come to love you. I know that crazy. But whether I like it or not it’s true. I had never realised it until I say you lying there with that wound on your chest. I knew that I had to save you. I need you Radek. Not just because you are a brilliant scientist and a good friend, but because you are a good person.”
Radek rolled over restlessly.
“You said that you are not as good as I am. You’re wrong. You’re better than me. Not because you are a better scientist, I’m still smarter than you.”
Radek couldn’t help smiling at this. Rodney didn’t notice.
“No. You are a better person. You know how to care and you know how to show it, but most of all, you put up with me. No matter what happens and what I put you through, you have stuck by me. I don’t deserve it. I don’t deserve you. I don’t deserve to know you and I don’t deserve to have you as a friend. I wish it could be more Radek.”
Radek opened his eyes. “Rodney?”
“You’re awake.” Rodney said, as he took Radek’s hand in his.
“Do you remember what happened?” he asked.
“It’s still rather fuzzy. Something happened with the artefact. I think I was distracted but I don’t remember what by.” That was a lie but there was no way he could bring himself to tell him the truth.
One of the nurses noticed that Radek was awake. She came over to his bed and started to check him. Rodney noticed that he still had hold of Radek’s hand. He let it go quickly as his cheeks were tinged with pink.
After the nurse had gone, he moved back to sit by Radek.
“Glad to see that you are back with us. I’m really sorry this happened to you. I shouldn’t have left you alone. I hope you can forgive me.”
Radek shook his head gently, as he broke in to a smile, “There is nothing to forgive. It was an accident and I believe that it would’ve happened even if you had been there or not.”
Rodney smiled, “I’m glad you’re alright. I couldn’t imagine being on Atlantis without you. You help me make things happen and you keep me grounded. Y ou are a very special person.”
Radek felt a warm feeling. “Thank you Rodney. That means a lot to me.”
“If only I could tell you how much!” he thought.
“All that I am, all that I ever was, is here in your perfect eyes.
They’re all that I can see.
I don’t know when, confused about how as well.
Just know that things will never change for us at all.”
A few days later, after having been given the all clear, Radek had spent the day trying to catch up on his work. But all he could think about was Rodney and the things that he had said to him as he lay in the infirmary.
Now he found himself lying in his room staring at the ceiling. It was early in the morning and he couldn’t sleep. He was still thinking about Rodney.
“Damn it. I love him and that’s all there is too it! “ He muttered.
After what he had heard in the infirmary, or at least what he thought he had heard, he had to tell him or it would drive him crazy. He also knew that he wasn’t going to get any more sleep.
“Mess or lab?” he thought as he pulled on his clothes.
Grabbing his pad from the table he said, “Mess then lab. There may be something I can salvage from this data.”
Rodney lay in his room. He couldn’t sleep. His mind was filled with the vision of Radek lying on the lab room floor. His heart had lurched when he saw him there. He had been afraid that he was going to loose him. Why did it matter?
“I’ll tell you why it matters. I think I’ve fallen for him.” Rodney sighed.
What was he going to do now? He lay on his bed trying to sleep. Now his mind was filled with Radek. His face, his smile, and those beautiful eyes framed by his glasses.
After having lay they’re for what seemed like hours but was more like fifteen minutes, Rodney gave up trying to sleep. With a huff he got up and grabbed his clothes.
“Mmm. I think I will go to the mess. I’m feeling quite peckish.”
Radek was sitting at a table as Rodney walked towards him.
He hadn’t noticed until he heard, “Err hi. You couldn’t sleep either?
“No.”
“Do you mind if I….”
“No. Please do. I would like the company.” Radek gestured towards the seat in front of him.
“What are you doing?” Rodney asked as he began to eat.
“I was just looking at the data that I managed to get from the artefact. I’m not sure if we will get anything but I thought it was worth a look.”
“Mmm.” Rodney said through a mouthful of food, “You could be right. Can I get a look?’
Radek looked at him and said, “Why don’t you come round here?”
Rodney looked rather nervous. “Err ok. I’ll…just move over.”
Before long Rodney was sitting next to Radek. He could feel his warmth, as he got closer to look at the pad. Radek’s leg moved against Rodney’s as he showed him the screen.
Rodney turned towards him. “Are you alright Radek?”
Radek said nothing and just looked at him. His mind was racing. All he could think of was the man sitting beside him. He was beautiful and he was there, so close. Without thinking, he moved his head in towards Rodney and kissed him on the lips. It was a soft and gentle and lasted only a few seconds.
Rodney looked at him in surprise. Closing his eyes, he heard the scrape of a chair and hurried footsteps. When he opened them, he saw Radek’s back as he left the mess.
Radek rushed from the mess hall and headed to his quarters. He was muttering to himself in Czech.
If anyone had been walking past him, they may just have heard him muttered ‘Idiot”, as he carried on down the corridor.
Radek couldn’t believe his stupidity. He had just ran the risk ruining one of the best, (albeit unusual), friendships that he had. And for what? A quick kiss that he had no hope of getting reciprocated. Why would Rodney want anything more than a friendship?
“After this, I’ll be amazed if he still wants that!” he thought as he headed in to his quarters.
When he was safely behind the closed door, he lay his glasses on the table and lay on the bed with his hands over his eyes.
“I’ve lost him.” He said to himself quietly.
Rodney made his way to the lab. Radek wasn’t there.
“Right. I’ll try his quarters.” He thought to himself.
Radek lay in the dark. He really didn’t know what to do. He was sure that he had ruined everything and he didn’t know how to fix it!
There was a knock at the door.
“Radek let me in. If you don’t I will come in anyway.”
With a heavy sigh Radek replied, “Alright, alright. Come in.”
Rodney stood at the door as Radek stood and squinted in to the light.
“You may want to put your glasses on. I’ve heard that squinting is bad for you.”
“Yes, yes. Pardon me.” He walked be in to his room and after a moment looking for the table, he slipped his glasses on.
“Well, are you….” He said to Radek.
“Yes. Yes of course I am.” He said walking in to the room.
“Do you want the lights…”
“No. Just the lamp please.”
Rodney put on the lamp and took his seat. He looked at Radek as he sat on his bed. He looked really sad.
Rodney didn’t know what to say right now. The kiss had been such as surprise, but it was a pleasant surprise. All he wanted to know was why.
“Ok Radek. What happened back there in the mess hall?”
Radek looked at him. “I’m not sure. It’s just that…”
“I didn’t mean it. It’s just that…” Radek was really struggling to find the right words
Rodney moved to sit beside him. Placing a hand on his knee, he said, “Come on. You can tell me.”
Radek swallowed hard. “OK Rodney.” He said quietly, the uncertainty showing in his voice, “I have something to tell you. I hope you understand.”
Rodney patted him on his knee and said, “Go on, Radek. It’s ok” as he looked in to his eyes and waited.
Radek sighed. “When I first met you I thought you were arrogant and dismissive. I wasn’t sure whether I even liked you or not. But as time went on I realised there was more to you than that. You let the bubble slip, Rodney. You started to let us in. I’m not sure when I started to let us in. I’m not sure when I started to feel more for you. But I know when I realised that’s what had happened.”
Rodney asked, “When was that?”
“It was I was fixing the Ancient machine and you came to speak to me. I knew that that must have taken a lot for you to say that to me. After you left, I realised that my feelings had gone beyond friendship. Rodney I…”
Radek stopped. Despite everything he had said, he still couldn’t bring himself to say those three words.
Tears ran down his face. “I’m sorry Rodney I…cant.”
Rodney turned Radek’s face towards him. “Please tell me. I won’t be offended.”
Radek looked at him. He was lost in Rodney’s beautiful blue eyes.
“Miliju te.” Radek whispered quietly. “I…. I love you.”
Rodney said nothing. He just looked at him and smiled.
“I’m sorry Rodney. If you want me to leave….”
Rodney giggled. “That’s not going to help.”
Radek looked at him in confusion.
“It’s your room stupid.”
Radek couldn’t help laughing at that too.
“Radek I’m sorry too. I’m sorry that it’s taken so long for us to get to this point. You see I have feelings for you to.”
Radek blushed at this. “I have a confession to make Rodney.”
Rodney raised his eyebrows. “You do?”
“Yes. I heard what you said to me in the infirmary.”
This time it was Rodney’s turn to swallow hard.
“How much did you hear?”
“Enough to know how you feel. I don’t care what you think Rodney. You deserve to be loved. You deserve to have someone to care for you. I want to do it Rodney. I want to be the one.”
Rodney stared at him in disbelief. He couldn’t believe what Radek was saying.
“After everything I’ve put you through. Why on earth would you want to be involved with a man like me?”
“Because you are you Rodney. You said to me that you could be petty, vindictive and even jealous. You can be those things. You can be those things. But you are more than that Rodney. You have let the bubble slip. You have shown us how heroic and brave you can be.”
Radek took Rodney’s hand and held it to his face.
“I am willing to put up with everything because of that. I….” Radek heaved a sigh, smiled and continued, “I love you. I really love you. Do you love me?”
Rodney looked at him. Now it was his turn to stammer.
“I…. I…. Yes Radek.” His voice dropped to a whisper, “Yes. I love you, Radek Zelenka.”
“Miliju te Rodney. I love you to.”
Radek looked at Rodney with a frown, asking, “If you’ve had these feelings for me, why haven’t you said anything?”
Rodney bowed his head and said, “I was too scared. Coming to Atlantis has been quiet an eye opening experience for me. You see, when I was a child I never made any friends. I was the clever one that everyone made fun of. As I got older it got worse. I didn’t need to see people to know that they were laughing at me. Being in love just didn’t happen for me. When I was at this school, I went to a dance with a girl only to find out she had done it for a dare.”
Radek ran his hand down Rodney’s cheek. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”
“It’s alright. You asked, so you deserve to know.” He continued: ”When I was studying for my degree, I decided to try going out with guys. Although I felt more comfortable, the results weren’t much better. I had a few one-night stands. Sex against the wall, that kind of thing. After that I decided that I was better off on my own. That’s when I put up the wall around me and started pushing people away.”
Radek put his arm around him and drew him in to his body. Rodney rested his head on his shoulder and continued.
“When I came to Atlantis I thought that things would be the same. But then John, then Major, Sheppard reached out to me and I found that I had a friend. When Ronan and Teyla made me feel part of the team, I knew that things had changed for me. I couldn’t believe that I could find love as well. I was so scared that that I would loose your friendship. That has meant so much to me.”
“Even though I haven’t treated you well.” He added quietly.
Radek looked at Rodney, then kissed the top of his head.
“I forgive you my love.”
Rodney smiled and then asked, “Why didn’t you tell me?”
Radek sighed and said, “After I realised what you meant to me, I thought about telling you. But you hadn’t given any indication of liking men, let alone liken me! I value our friendship and I was too scared to risk it. At least till tonight. I’m not sure what happened but I have no regrets.”
“Neither do I Radek. Neither do I.” Rodney looked at Radek with adoration in his eyes.
Rodney looked at his watch, “I should go now. We will have to go to work soon. We should try to get a few hours sleep.”
Radek took hold of his hand, ”No, Rodney. I want you to stay. Please.”
Radek stood up took Rodney’s hand. Raising him to his feet he out his hands round his waist and drew him closer to him. Rodney looked in to Radek’s eyes. He had always hoped for a moment liked this, but had never dared to believe it might happen. But here he was, in the arms of a man who had confessed his love for him and whom he loved in return. He sighed and put his arms round Radek’s neck.
Radek leaned in for a kiss. This time it was long and passionate. Radek’s tongue brushed Rodney’s lips, asking permission to enter. Rodney opened his mouth and Radek began to explore the inside of his mouth. Rodney explored Radek’s mouth in return.
“This is heaven.” He thought as he carried on kissing Radek.
Radek stepped back and pulled Rodney’s shirt over his head. Rodney did the same to Radek did the same to Radek. Eventually they stood in front of each other naked.
Rodney looked at Radek. He was beautiful. Radek gazed at him in return. Then they embraced again. This time there were no clothes between them, only the warmth of skin on skin. It was the most amazing feeling either of them had experienced.
Then they fell in to bed together, exploring each other’s bodies. It was wonderful. They kissed, stroked and caressed each other. There bodies reacted accordingly, becoming aroused. Radek reached over and grabbed some lube and a condom.
The room was full of the sound of lovemaking as they gave themselves to each other. Rodney was on top as he looked in to Radek’s eyes. They relished each other’s reactions, each gasp and sound. Eventually they reached a climax. Rodney withdrew and lay beside Radek in a sate of bliss.
“We should get cleaned up.” He whispered.
Radek nodded and made his way to the bathroom. After cleaning up Radek slipped in to bed beside Rodney. He gazed in to Rodney’s eyes and smiled.
“You’re wonderful.”
“Thank you. You are too! Sleep now?”
“Yes, Rodney.” Radek said as he curled up beside him.
As Rodney drifted of to sleep, he knew that he was home and safe and nothing would make him think anything else.
“I love you, Radek.”
“Miliju te, Rodney.”
With that they drifted in to a peaceful sleep.
THE END.
Author: flubber2kool
Recipient: audreysmagic
Pairing: Rodney/Radek
Genre: Romance, first time.
Rating: R (There is a small sex scene but it is not explicit! Also a little bit of language!)
Characters: Rodney Mckay, Radek Zelenka, Teyla Emmagan, Carson Beckett, Elizabeth Wier, Ronan Dex, John Sheppard.
Disclaimer: I have no rights to any of the settings or characters from SGA. This story is being written for the SGA_santa fic-athon.
This story is being written for audreysmagic. The prompts are Rodney/Radek, general geekiness, Radek whumping, snarkiness and awkward declarations of love. I hope that I have got you what you wanted.
Spoilers for Tao of Rodney and the story take place after this.
Summary - In this story Radek discovers he has feelings for someone close, gets whumped by a strange piece of Alien tech and ends up declaring his love and finding that he is loved in return.
The story title and song lyric extracts are taken from “Chasing Cars” by snow patrol.
I would like to thank my beta Guy, my long-suffering boyfriend. I couldn’t have done it without him.
********************
“I don’t quite know, how to say, how I feel.
Those three words, are said too much, then not enough.”
Radek walked towards the lab. A young lady ran past him in tears. Raising his eyebrows and rolling his eyes he headed towards the door
“Ah Rodney. I see you have been your charming self again!” he said, heading towards the coffee pot.
“Well if the SGC stopped sending me these incompetent morons, I wouldn’t have to be like that would I?"
Rodney sighed, ‘No Rodney. Would you like some coffee?’
Rodney smiled. “Of course. Do you have to ask?”
Radek knew Rodney was right. When it came to coffee Rodney would always have a cup.
As he brought the coffee and put it down, he reached in to his pocket and pulled out an MRE and some powerbars.
“Colonel Sheppard told me you had missed lunch. He wanted me to make sure you ate these.”
Rodney looked up at him, “Thank you. I must admit I was beginning to feel a bit hungry.”
“So what have you been eating if you missed lunch?” Radek asked.
Rodney pointed to a pile of powerbar wrappers as he opened the MRE and went back to his computer.
Radek shook his head. “You should look after yourself. We don’t want you to faint do we?”
Rodney looked at him indignantly. “I didn’t faint. I passed out. If I didn’t have to deal with all the idiots they keep sending me, I wouldn’t have to spend as much time in the lab would I!”
“Please,” Radek replied incredulously, “I know that we're not as good as you, but even we couldn’t manage to blow up the lab in the time it takes you to go to lunch.”
At that Rodney looked away and carried on eating. Radek was taken aback by this. He had expected some sort of reply.
They lapsed in to silence. Radek sat down at his computer and watched Rodney as he worked.
There was something that he was feeling that went beyond friendship. He wasn’t sure when it happened, but he knew when he realised it for the first time. It was when the ancient machine transformed Rodney. He could still remember the words Rodney had spoken as if it was yesterday. They had gone straight to his heart. At the time he found it hard because he thought he was going to loose him. Now it was harder because he had a chance to tell him how he felt but he didn’t know how.
“Oh Rodney. You help keep Atlantis safe and you help keep me safe too. I want to help keep you safe and to give you someone to turn to and someone to love you.” He thought to himself.
“Now if on I could tell you.”
With a heavy sigh, he looked at Rodney and then returned his gaze to his computer. The silence lay heavy on him.
“…I need your grace, to see my need to find my own.”
Radek sat at breakfast the next morning. He was thinking about what had happened the day before and didn’t notice as Rodney sat down at the table.
“Radek. I want to do some tests on the ancient device that we found.”
“Mmm.” It was as this point that Radek noticed looked up to find Rodney staring at him intently.
Radek felt his heart skip a beat as he gazed in to twin pools of blue.
“Is there a problem?”
Radek really wanted to say, “Yes. You are the problem. I find myself very attracted to you and I don’t know what to do about it.”
Instead, he said “No. A little tired that’s all. Sorry. What were you saying?”
“I want to run tests on the artefact.”
Radek nodded. “Ok, but I suggest caution. Especially as we have no idea what it does. You remember what happened last time we messed with an ancient machine.”
How could he forget? He had nearly ascended. During that time he nearly killed Radek. In fact he did kill him! He remembered the feeling of desolation he had felt as he saw him lying there. It wasn’t just the sight of him lying there that had got to him. It was the knowledge that he had been responsible for it. But at least he had been able to save him.
After a moments silence, Rodney continued.
“Yes, yes. Of course we have to cautious. But if we are unwilling to take chances how are we going to make any discoveries?” He looked at Radek and continued, “Anyway, I’m sure that we are going to be ok. As of yet, we haven’t got anything out of it.”
Radek looked at him suspiciously. “I’ve heard that before!”
Rodney finished his coffee and put his mug down on the table, “Well anyway, the sooner we get started, the sooner we can discover what it is and does.”
Radek stopped eating. He wasn’t feeling that hungry. Picking up his tray and mug, he put them away and followed Rodney to the lab.
Things were not going too well. Everything they had tried had yielded no results. Rodney had tried to activate the artefact. It glowed for a moment and then went dark again. It was frustrating. Rodney had got so caught in his work that he hadn’t noticed the time passing.
John sat in the mess. Rodney was half and hour late for lunch. This was becoming a habit and he wasn’t happy. He missed the banter that he and Rodney shared over a meal. And apart from that, in his opinion, an MRE and some powerbars were no substitute for real food.
“For a guy who complains about hypoglycaemia, he really isn’t that good about eating!” he thought to himself, as he headed towards the lab.
As John walked in to the lab, he saw Rodney walking around with a mug of coffee in his hand and Radek, who was sitting beside an artefact.
“We could try to see if we could communicate…” Radek looked at the artefact.
“Yes, but we haven’t found any access points…”Rodney took another sip of coffee.
“Mmm. We could try putting a current…” Radek mused.
Rodney looked up and saw John standing there, “Or we could just ask the Colonel to try activating it for us.”
John found the verbal tennis fascinating. They seemed to be so in tune with each other they could finish each other’s sentences. It was something he had never managed to do, even though he thought of Rodney as he best friend.
“Hi guys. Something I can do for you?”
“Yes Colonel.” Rodney gestured towards the artefact, “Could you please try to activate this for us?”
John walked over to the artefact and took a look at it. It was square and had a sense of strange symbols on each side. It was unlike anything he had seen before.
“So what I do?”
Rodney looked at him and rolled his eyes. “You could try something like ‘on’. If that doesn’t work use you imagination. You do have one of those don’t you Colonel?”
Radek and John exchanged glances as John raised his eyebrows.
“Yes Rodney!” he said as he stared as the artefact, “I’ll see what I can do.”
John laid his hand on the top of the artefact. He focussed all his thoughts on it. He was trying to use his gene to will something to happen. Suddenly there was a click. The box opened to reveal a glowing orb of blue light. It was pulsing. John watched as it pulsed in a steady rhythm. It was almost hypnotic.
Rodney and Radek were deep in discussion about what to do next.
John interrupted, “Rodney, have you forgotten something?”
He stood there with his arms crossed, giving Rodney that look.
“Sorry Colonel. I have no idea what you are talking about.”
“Rodney!” John growled.
Radek looked at his watch, “Oh is that the time? Rodney…”
“Radek!”
“It might have something to do with…”
“Lunch! Colonel, I’m so sorry.” Rodney looked at John apologetically.
“That’s ok. It’s not too late. They’re serving chocolate pudding cups.”
“Really?” Rodney replied.
“Yes Rodney.” John said with a smirk, “And if we hurry there may be some left.”
Rodney looked at Radek, who couldn’t help smiling. “Go on Rodney. You know you need to eat. I’m not that hungry. I will stay and work on the artefact.”
“Are you sure?’ Rodney looked at him.
Radek laughed as he said, “Of course. Go! Now!”
“Colonel. Take him away please!” he looked at John pleadingly.
John put his hand on Rodney’s shoulder and guided him out of the lab door.
“Come on Rodney. Let’s leave the man alone.” He said as the doors closed behind them.
Radek looked at the door. He couldn’t help smiling as he thought about Rodney. Grabbing another cup of coffee, he sat down and looked at the artefact.
“Let’s see what we have here.”
The artefact hummed gently as the light pulsed. Radek began to take readings from it.
He wondered if he would be able to take energy readings directly from it. After having gathered the equipment, he attached the lead to the artefact. The power began to flow and Radek began to make notes.
After a while, Radek set his pad aside and began to think about Rodney.
“What is it about the man?” he thought to himself.
His mind went back to the day he had been working on the ancient machine and Rodney had come to speak to him. Rodney had described himself as someone who at times could be ‘petty, vindictive and even jealous.’ It was something Radek had thought when he had first met him. But as the years went on, he began to realise that there was something more to the man. Yes. He could be all those things at times. But he could also be brave and heroic. He was someone who cared. He was someone cared enough to come and apologise for the way that he had treated him and to ask for forgiveness. Rodney Mckay was a man of contradictions. The only thing that Radek knew for sure was that he was attracted to him and that as the days went on the attraction was getting stronger.
Radek became aware of a high-pitched whining noise. He looked at the artefact and noticed that the orb was now glowing red and the pulse had speeded up considerably. Radek wasn’t sure what was going to happen but he had the distinct feeling it was going to hurt.
Suddenly the room was filled with a bright white light and a loud noise. Radek was thrown backwards and his head his a wall. His glasses were thrown across the room and Radek lay unmoving on the lab floor. The artefact lay on the bench blackened and smoking. The air was filled with a strange acrid smell.
Rodney had just finished his meal and left John in the mess. He was full of food and energy and ready to see what Radek had learnt about the device. As the lab door opened he was met by smoke. The first thing he saw was the artefact sitting, blacked and smoking on the bench.
“Radek, Radek where are you?’ Rodney started to panic.
He moved round the bench. As he did so, he saw Radek lying, crumpled on the floor.
Grabbing his com, he shouted, “We have a medical emergency in Lab one. Something’s happened to Radek!”
Carson got a team together, grabbed a gurney and some medical equipment and headed to the lab.
The wait for Carson seemed like and eternity for Rodney. He had no idea what had happened, but he was sure that it had been something to do with the artefact.
“Come on Carson. Come on!” Rodney muttered as he paced the floor.
Carson rushed in to the lab. Rodney pointed to where Radek lay on the floor.
“What happened Rodney?” he asked as he started to tend to Radek.
“I have no idea.” Rodney shook his head. “I’ve just come back from having lunch with Colonel Sheppard. Radek and I were working on an artefact. Before the Colonel and I went to lunch, he activated it for us. Radek wasn’t hungry so he said that he would be ok staying working on the artefact. When we left he was ok. This was what I came back to.”
Rodney looked at Radek lying on the floor. Was he dead? Rodney was too scared to ask
Carson looked up and could see the look on Rodney’s face.
“I have good news and bad news. The good news is that he is breathing and he’s alive.”
Rodney swallowed hard. “The bad news?”
“He’s hit his head pretty hard and he is out cold. We have no idea how long he’s been unconscious. It’s possible that he has a bad head injury. The worse case scenario is that he has brain damage. We wont know for certain till we give him a scan.”
“There must be something you can do for him?” Rodney was really worried.
Carson stood up as the other members of his medical team carried on working.
Placing a hand on Rodney’s shoulder, he said, “I’m sorry lad. Right now all we can do is wait!”
With that, he went back to Radek and put on a neck brace as the team prepared to move him.
Rodney could only stand by helplessly as Carson and the team got Radek on to the gurney and rushed him to the infirmary.
Rodney followed. He was feeling numb. What if Radek wasn’t able to carry on working? He couldn’t imagine the lab without Radek being there. He was not only a brilliant scientist he was also a good friend.
He found himself standing in the infirmary as the medical team bustled around Radek’s bed.
“Please let him be ok.” He prayed silently.
Rodney was brought back to reality by his com going off.
‘This is Sheppard to Mckay. I’ve just heard what happened. Is Radek ok?’
“I don’t know Colonel. Carson and the medical staff are still working on him.”
“I’m heading towards the infirmary. Stay there.”
John ran down the corridor towards the infirmary.
As John rushed in to the infirmary, Carson and the medical team moved away from Radek’s bed. He was hooked up to various monitors and he had a drip in his hand. It was hard to see him like this. Rodney stayed glued to the spot. John put his hand on his shoulder.
“It’s ok Rodney. This isn’t your fault.”
“I wish I’d made him come to lunch with us. He would have been ok.” Rodney looked at Radek and swallowed back a tear.
Carson put down the file he was looking at and made his way over to him. He could see the look of concern on his face.
“It’s all right Rodney. He’s taken a bad blow to the head but his skull doesn’t appear to have been damaged. We won’t know for certain if there has been any brain damage until he wakes up. Until then it’s just a case of waiting. I’m sorry there is nothing else we can do.”
Rodney swallowed hard. He pulled up a chair beside Radek’s bed and sat down.
“I don’t suppose you can hear me. But on the chance that you can, please get better. I want you to be around. The place wouldn’t be the same without you.”
He laid his hand on Radek’s shoulder. Lapsing in to silence he sat down again.
At this point, Elizabeth walked in to the infirmary. She was accompanied by Ronan and Teyla who both went to stand beside John.
Elizabeth walked up to and stood beside Rodney. “What happened?”
Staying seated he looked up at her and said, “I don’t know. When Colonel Sheppard and I went to lunch, Radek was ok. He was looking at the artefact. Maybe Colonel Sheppard did something when he activated it. I have no idea what happened at all. I guess we will have to wait until Radek wakes up.”
“If he wakes up.” He added as an afterthought.
Elizabeth had sympathy for Rodney. She had a feeling that he thought that it was his fault.
Putting her hand on his shoulder she said, “I’m sure he is going to be ok. Carson is a good doctor and he has a good team working for him. He’s in a good place.”
Rodney looked up at her and smiled weakly, “I know. But he shouldn’t be here.”
Rodney looked at Radek and looked at Rodney. She stood in silence beside him.
John said, “Hey, we’ll leave you here and come back later, see how he’s doing.”
“Errm. Sorry Colonel. My minds a bit preoccupied.”
Carson came over to him. “Rodney are you ok?”
“Yes I’m fine. I want to stay here, ok. I want to be here for him when he wakes up.”
Carson nodded and patted his shoulder, Moving towards John, Ronan and Teyla, he turned to them.
“It’s alright. I’ll keep and eye on him. I get the feeling that I couldn’t get him to move away even if I wanted to. There is a spare bed beside Radek. We should try to get him to use it.”
Teyla nodded and looked at Ronan. “Ronan and I will look in later to see how Dr Mckay is doing.”
“Yeah.” Ronan added, “He may appreciate the company.”
With that they left the infirmary.
John stood with Carson and watched as said her goodbyes and left Rodney sitting alone by Radek’s bedside.
“I’m worried Carson. I think he blames himself for this. I know it wasn’t his fault. I activated it. Maybe it was something I did. Anyway, that’s not the point. I just don’t want him falling apart over this. He still feels guilty about when Zelenka was killed.”
“Aye Colonel. I know what you mean. I don’t think he’s got over seeing Radek lying there. At least that time he could save him. I wonder what this is doing to him?”
Rodney reached out and grasped Radek’s hand in his. He stroked the back of his hand gently. Rodney wished he could tell him just how much he meant to him.
It was getting late when John returned with some food for Rodney. He found him sitting by Rodney’s bed with a pad balanced on his knees,
Rodney looked up at him and smiled. “Hi Colonel. That smells good. Is that for me by any chance?”
“Yeah. Thought you might appreciate it. I guess you haven’t had anything to eat yet.”
“No. I’ve been here most of the time. I think that the only time I moved was to get my pad.”
“That figures.” John said as he lay the tray down.
Rodney took it from him and began to eat. John watched him. He hated seeing him like this, but he knew there was nothing he could do. The only thing that would help right now was if Radek woke up.
Rodney drank his coffee. “Mmm. That was good.”
He lifted his tray and looked around for somewhere to put it.
“That’s ok. I’ll take that.” John took the tray and lay on a table across from where Rodney was sitting.
Moving back to Rodney John asked, “How you feeling, buddy?”
“I’m not sure Colonel. I just want him to wake up. I didn’t mean this to happen. If I’d known this would happen, I would never have left him alone. I just don’t understand how he ended up like this. I mean there was no sign that this was going to happen. You saw the artefact didn’t you?”
“Yeah. I saw it. I activated it remember.” John sighed.
“Mmm. Yes of course you did. Sorry.” Rodney replied. “I’ve been going ever everything that happened and I can’t find anything that would have led us to believe that this was going to happen.”
“Look, there’s no point in blaming yourself. I’m the one that activated the artefact. For all we know, I was the one that caused the problem.”
“Yes but….” Rodney stuttered.
“Come on Rodney. You know I’m right. There’s no point in blaming yourself.”
“Yes. Yes! You said that before. But I know that I left him behind. If I’d taken him with us maybe that wouldn’t have happened.”
John realised that no matter what he said, Rodney was going to blame himself for this.
“Why don’t you get some rest? Carson said you could use the bed beside Radek.”
Rodney looked at Radek and then at John.
“It’s ok. I’ll have a word with the night staff. I’ll make sure you’ll be the first to know if he wakes up.”
Rodney hesitated.
“Please Rodney. I don’t think Radek would want you to exhaust yourself”
Rodney knew that John was right. But he still felt bad at the thought of going to sleep while Radek lay there. Reluctantly, he slipped his shoes off and lay on the bed. Not long after he drifted in to a restless sleep.
John smiled as he pulled a blanket over him.
Ronan and Teyla came in to the infirmary.
They walked over to where Rodney lay sleeping.
He had relaxed and he looked calm as he lay on the bed.
“He’s asleep.” She whispered as Rodney turned on the bed, “We should leave him.”
Ronan looked at her, smiled and nodded in silent agreement and started to leave.
Looking back he thought to himself, “He looks so peaceful.”
He couldn’t help smiling as he carried on walking.
Rodney woke up with a yawn. It took him a while to realise where he was. As silently as possible he put his shoes on and went and sat down by Radek.
“Look, I don’t know if you can hear me, but I’m going to say this anyway. You mean more to me that I realised. I have always seen you as a friend, but now I realise that you mean more to me than that. I think that I have come to love you. I know that crazy. But whether I like it or not it’s true. I had never realised it until I say you lying there with that wound on your chest. I knew that I had to save you. I need you Radek. Not just because you are a brilliant scientist and a good friend, but because you are a good person.”
Radek rolled over restlessly.
“You said that you are not as good as I am. You’re wrong. You’re better than me. Not because you are a better scientist, I’m still smarter than you.”
Radek couldn’t help smiling at this. Rodney didn’t notice.
“No. You are a better person. You know how to care and you know how to show it, but most of all, you put up with me. No matter what happens and what I put you through, you have stuck by me. I don’t deserve it. I don’t deserve you. I don’t deserve to know you and I don’t deserve to have you as a friend. I wish it could be more Radek.”
Radek opened his eyes. “Rodney?”
“You’re awake.” Rodney said, as he took Radek’s hand in his.
“Do you remember what happened?” he asked.
“It’s still rather fuzzy. Something happened with the artefact. I think I was distracted but I don’t remember what by.” That was a lie but there was no way he could bring himself to tell him the truth.
One of the nurses noticed that Radek was awake. She came over to his bed and started to check him. Rodney noticed that he still had hold of Radek’s hand. He let it go quickly as his cheeks were tinged with pink.
After the nurse had gone, he moved back to sit by Radek.
“Glad to see that you are back with us. I’m really sorry this happened to you. I shouldn’t have left you alone. I hope you can forgive me.”
Radek shook his head gently, as he broke in to a smile, “There is nothing to forgive. It was an accident and I believe that it would’ve happened even if you had been there or not.”
Rodney smiled, “I’m glad you’re alright. I couldn’t imagine being on Atlantis without you. You help me make things happen and you keep me grounded. Y ou are a very special person.”
Radek felt a warm feeling. “Thank you Rodney. That means a lot to me.”
“If only I could tell you how much!” he thought.
“All that I am, all that I ever was, is here in your perfect eyes.
They’re all that I can see.
I don’t know when, confused about how as well.
Just know that things will never change for us at all.”
A few days later, after having been given the all clear, Radek had spent the day trying to catch up on his work. But all he could think about was Rodney and the things that he had said to him as he lay in the infirmary.
Now he found himself lying in his room staring at the ceiling. It was early in the morning and he couldn’t sleep. He was still thinking about Rodney.
“Damn it. I love him and that’s all there is too it! “ He muttered.
After what he had heard in the infirmary, or at least what he thought he had heard, he had to tell him or it would drive him crazy. He also knew that he wasn’t going to get any more sleep.
“Mess or lab?” he thought as he pulled on his clothes.
Grabbing his pad from the table he said, “Mess then lab. There may be something I can salvage from this data.”
Rodney lay in his room. He couldn’t sleep. His mind was filled with the vision of Radek lying on the lab room floor. His heart had lurched when he saw him there. He had been afraid that he was going to loose him. Why did it matter?
“I’ll tell you why it matters. I think I’ve fallen for him.” Rodney sighed.
What was he going to do now? He lay on his bed trying to sleep. Now his mind was filled with Radek. His face, his smile, and those beautiful eyes framed by his glasses.
After having lay they’re for what seemed like hours but was more like fifteen minutes, Rodney gave up trying to sleep. With a huff he got up and grabbed his clothes.
“Mmm. I think I will go to the mess. I’m feeling quite peckish.”
Radek was sitting at a table as Rodney walked towards him.
He hadn’t noticed until he heard, “Err hi. You couldn’t sleep either?
“No.”
“Do you mind if I….”
“No. Please do. I would like the company.” Radek gestured towards the seat in front of him.
“What are you doing?” Rodney asked as he began to eat.
“I was just looking at the data that I managed to get from the artefact. I’m not sure if we will get anything but I thought it was worth a look.”
“Mmm.” Rodney said through a mouthful of food, “You could be right. Can I get a look?’
Radek looked at him and said, “Why don’t you come round here?”
Rodney looked rather nervous. “Err ok. I’ll…just move over.”
Before long Rodney was sitting next to Radek. He could feel his warmth, as he got closer to look at the pad. Radek’s leg moved against Rodney’s as he showed him the screen.
Rodney turned towards him. “Are you alright Radek?”
Radek said nothing and just looked at him. His mind was racing. All he could think of was the man sitting beside him. He was beautiful and he was there, so close. Without thinking, he moved his head in towards Rodney and kissed him on the lips. It was a soft and gentle and lasted only a few seconds.
Rodney looked at him in surprise. Closing his eyes, he heard the scrape of a chair and hurried footsteps. When he opened them, he saw Radek’s back as he left the mess.
Radek rushed from the mess hall and headed to his quarters. He was muttering to himself in Czech.
If anyone had been walking past him, they may just have heard him muttered ‘Idiot”, as he carried on down the corridor.
Radek couldn’t believe his stupidity. He had just ran the risk ruining one of the best, (albeit unusual), friendships that he had. And for what? A quick kiss that he had no hope of getting reciprocated. Why would Rodney want anything more than a friendship?
“After this, I’ll be amazed if he still wants that!” he thought as he headed in to his quarters.
When he was safely behind the closed door, he lay his glasses on the table and lay on the bed with his hands over his eyes.
“I’ve lost him.” He said to himself quietly.
Rodney made his way to the lab. Radek wasn’t there.
“Right. I’ll try his quarters.” He thought to himself.
Radek lay in the dark. He really didn’t know what to do. He was sure that he had ruined everything and he didn’t know how to fix it!
There was a knock at the door.
“Radek let me in. If you don’t I will come in anyway.”
With a heavy sigh Radek replied, “Alright, alright. Come in.”
Rodney stood at the door as Radek stood and squinted in to the light.
“You may want to put your glasses on. I’ve heard that squinting is bad for you.”
“Yes, yes. Pardon me.” He walked be in to his room and after a moment looking for the table, he slipped his glasses on.
“Well, are you….” He said to Radek.
“Yes. Yes of course I am.” He said walking in to the room.
“Do you want the lights…”
“No. Just the lamp please.”
Rodney put on the lamp and took his seat. He looked at Radek as he sat on his bed. He looked really sad.
Rodney didn’t know what to say right now. The kiss had been such as surprise, but it was a pleasant surprise. All he wanted to know was why.
“Ok Radek. What happened back there in the mess hall?”
Radek looked at him. “I’m not sure. It’s just that…”
“I didn’t mean it. It’s just that…” Radek was really struggling to find the right words
Rodney moved to sit beside him. Placing a hand on his knee, he said, “Come on. You can tell me.”
Radek swallowed hard. “OK Rodney.” He said quietly, the uncertainty showing in his voice, “I have something to tell you. I hope you understand.”
Rodney patted him on his knee and said, “Go on, Radek. It’s ok” as he looked in to his eyes and waited.
Radek sighed. “When I first met you I thought you were arrogant and dismissive. I wasn’t sure whether I even liked you or not. But as time went on I realised there was more to you than that. You let the bubble slip, Rodney. You started to let us in. I’m not sure when I started to let us in. I’m not sure when I started to feel more for you. But I know when I realised that’s what had happened.”
Rodney asked, “When was that?”
“It was I was fixing the Ancient machine and you came to speak to me. I knew that that must have taken a lot for you to say that to me. After you left, I realised that my feelings had gone beyond friendship. Rodney I…”
Radek stopped. Despite everything he had said, he still couldn’t bring himself to say those three words.
Tears ran down his face. “I’m sorry Rodney I…cant.”
Rodney turned Radek’s face towards him. “Please tell me. I won’t be offended.”
Radek looked at him. He was lost in Rodney’s beautiful blue eyes.
“Miliju te.” Radek whispered quietly. “I…. I love you.”
Rodney said nothing. He just looked at him and smiled.
“I’m sorry Rodney. If you want me to leave….”
Rodney giggled. “That’s not going to help.”
Radek looked at him in confusion.
“It’s your room stupid.”
Radek couldn’t help laughing at that too.
“Radek I’m sorry too. I’m sorry that it’s taken so long for us to get to this point. You see I have feelings for you to.”
Radek blushed at this. “I have a confession to make Rodney.”
Rodney raised his eyebrows. “You do?”
“Yes. I heard what you said to me in the infirmary.”
This time it was Rodney’s turn to swallow hard.
“How much did you hear?”
“Enough to know how you feel. I don’t care what you think Rodney. You deserve to be loved. You deserve to have someone to care for you. I want to do it Rodney. I want to be the one.”
Rodney stared at him in disbelief. He couldn’t believe what Radek was saying.
“After everything I’ve put you through. Why on earth would you want to be involved with a man like me?”
“Because you are you Rodney. You said to me that you could be petty, vindictive and even jealous. You can be those things. You can be those things. But you are more than that Rodney. You have let the bubble slip. You have shown us how heroic and brave you can be.”
Radek took Rodney’s hand and held it to his face.
“I am willing to put up with everything because of that. I….” Radek heaved a sigh, smiled and continued, “I love you. I really love you. Do you love me?”
Rodney looked at him. Now it was his turn to stammer.
“I…. I…. Yes Radek.” His voice dropped to a whisper, “Yes. I love you, Radek Zelenka.”
“Miliju te Rodney. I love you to.”
Radek looked at Rodney with a frown, asking, “If you’ve had these feelings for me, why haven’t you said anything?”
Rodney bowed his head and said, “I was too scared. Coming to Atlantis has been quiet an eye opening experience for me. You see, when I was a child I never made any friends. I was the clever one that everyone made fun of. As I got older it got worse. I didn’t need to see people to know that they were laughing at me. Being in love just didn’t happen for me. When I was at this school, I went to a dance with a girl only to find out she had done it for a dare.”
Radek ran his hand down Rodney’s cheek. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”
“It’s alright. You asked, so you deserve to know.” He continued: ”When I was studying for my degree, I decided to try going out with guys. Although I felt more comfortable, the results weren’t much better. I had a few one-night stands. Sex against the wall, that kind of thing. After that I decided that I was better off on my own. That’s when I put up the wall around me and started pushing people away.”
Radek put his arm around him and drew him in to his body. Rodney rested his head on his shoulder and continued.
“When I came to Atlantis I thought that things would be the same. But then John, then Major, Sheppard reached out to me and I found that I had a friend. When Ronan and Teyla made me feel part of the team, I knew that things had changed for me. I couldn’t believe that I could find love as well. I was so scared that that I would loose your friendship. That has meant so much to me.”
“Even though I haven’t treated you well.” He added quietly.
Radek looked at Rodney, then kissed the top of his head.
“I forgive you my love.”
Rodney smiled and then asked, “Why didn’t you tell me?”
Radek sighed and said, “After I realised what you meant to me, I thought about telling you. But you hadn’t given any indication of liking men, let alone liken me! I value our friendship and I was too scared to risk it. At least till tonight. I’m not sure what happened but I have no regrets.”
“Neither do I Radek. Neither do I.” Rodney looked at Radek with adoration in his eyes.
Rodney looked at his watch, “I should go now. We will have to go to work soon. We should try to get a few hours sleep.”
Radek took hold of his hand, ”No, Rodney. I want you to stay. Please.”
Radek stood up took Rodney’s hand. Raising him to his feet he out his hands round his waist and drew him closer to him. Rodney looked in to Radek’s eyes. He had always hoped for a moment liked this, but had never dared to believe it might happen. But here he was, in the arms of a man who had confessed his love for him and whom he loved in return. He sighed and put his arms round Radek’s neck.
Radek leaned in for a kiss. This time it was long and passionate. Radek’s tongue brushed Rodney’s lips, asking permission to enter. Rodney opened his mouth and Radek began to explore the inside of his mouth. Rodney explored Radek’s mouth in return.
“This is heaven.” He thought as he carried on kissing Radek.
Radek stepped back and pulled Rodney’s shirt over his head. Rodney did the same to Radek did the same to Radek. Eventually they stood in front of each other naked.
Rodney looked at Radek. He was beautiful. Radek gazed at him in return. Then they embraced again. This time there were no clothes between them, only the warmth of skin on skin. It was the most amazing feeling either of them had experienced.
Then they fell in to bed together, exploring each other’s bodies. It was wonderful. They kissed, stroked and caressed each other. There bodies reacted accordingly, becoming aroused. Radek reached over and grabbed some lube and a condom.
The room was full of the sound of lovemaking as they gave themselves to each other. Rodney was on top as he looked in to Radek’s eyes. They relished each other’s reactions, each gasp and sound. Eventually they reached a climax. Rodney withdrew and lay beside Radek in a sate of bliss.
“We should get cleaned up.” He whispered.
Radek nodded and made his way to the bathroom. After cleaning up Radek slipped in to bed beside Rodney. He gazed in to Rodney’s eyes and smiled.
“You’re wonderful.”
“Thank you. You are too! Sleep now?”
“Yes, Rodney.” Radek said as he curled up beside him.
As Rodney drifted of to sleep, he knew that he was home and safe and nothing would make him think anything else.
“I love you, Radek.”
“Miliju te, Rodney.”
With that they drifted in to a peaceful sleep.
THE END.