Fic: Not So Over - Part 2 of 2 (Sheppard/Dex, Sheppard/Mitchell, NC-17)
Title: Not So Over
Author: Santa
Pairing: Sheppard/Dex, Sheppard/Mitchell
Rating: NC-17
Recipient: kimberlite
Spoilers: Slight for 516 Brainstorm, general season 5; none for SG1
Warnings: Coerced sex, though not coerced by either of the participants in the sex.
Summary: What happens off-world... doesn't always stay there.
Part 1
*
Earth was the same way it always was, not enough daylight, too many people he didn't know, and everyone taking orders from someone who wasn't John. Cam was supposed to be off-duty, but had, inevitably, gotten embroiled in some minor crisis on a planet the SGC had an alliance with, and was off-world until the evening. Rodney fluttered and fussed, and offered to stick around and keep John company, then got huffy when John pointed out that if he missed his plane he'd miss his first lecture, and stomped off without even a goodbye.
Twenty minutes later, just as John was finally getting close to the Mountain's exit, his cell beeped at him. You're an ungrateful idiot, but you saved my life very recently, which means I'm not going to sic Teyla on you when we get home. Enjoy your vacation. See you in two weeks. RM.
John smiled, feeling much better. Enjoy your conference. Try not to ruin too many careers.
I make no promises, Rodney sent as John was getting into his ugly, gray, pool car, then, Don't do anything I wouldn't do, though John didn't get that one until he was pulling into the parking lot of Cam's apartment building.
He sent back, Gonna be a pretty boring vacation then.
Rodney sent him a colon and a letter p, and it took John ten minutes of staring to realize it was a face, sticking out its tongue. He raised his eyebrows at the screen, wondering if Rodney realized what that looked like in the context of the conversation, and then closed it, leaving the phone on Cam's bedside table and going back to unpacking the few things he'd bothered to bring with him. He could go shopping once Cam was back on duty, when he didn't have much else to do with his time.
He was patting down the pockets of his bag, looking for his toothbrush, when he found the box. It was small enough to hold in one hand, almost spherical except for the flat base, and varnished to a nearly red brown. It had to have come from Teyla - no-one else who knew him well enough to be slipping things into his pack had access to that kind of craftsmanship. He opened it carefully, a little worried over what might be inside.
He laughed at himself when the box turned out to be half full of loose tea leaves, the familiar cool scent that was close to chamomile, but not quite the same. There was a scrap of paper tucked into the lid, written in Teyla's careful English script: To aid in relaxation and the release of troubles. Unless your colonel has learned to meditate.
John could imagine Teyla's voice saying it, the smile she'd give him, knowing and amused, inviting him to smile back, share the joke. She was probably already on the mainland, soaking up the time with her people and showing off Torren.
He only meant to lie down for a few minutes, maybe take a short nap so he'd have a chance of being awake when Cam got home. Instead, he woke up to the sound of the bedroom door opening, Cam backlit by the hall light when John rolled over and squinted at him.
"Hey," Cam said quietly. "Thought you might have gone out."
"Still here." John sat up, rubbed his eyes in a vain attempt to wake up. "Done saving the world?"
Cam flipped the light on and came over to sit on the edge of the bed, his thigh against John's knee. "Didn't even have to threaten to shoot anyone," he said. He was back in civvies, jeans and blue shirt, shoes and jacket abandoned somewhere else in the apartment, and he looked good. A little tanned from being off-world in the sun, his hair just a little too long, looking at John like he was about to start smiling, and it made everything else seem far, far away.
"Good," John said, and hooked a hand round the back of his neck to pull him in and kiss him, hi, how's it going, maybe I missed you, a little.
When they finally broke apart again, Cam still had his feet on the floor, his body twisted awkwardly to press against John, and John's skin was tingling with the contact, an electric buzz that kind of reminded him a little of Atlantis.
"So, you wanna go out for dinner?" Cam asked, close enough that John went a little cross-eyed trying to look at him.
John grinned, slid one hand under Cam's shirt and up his spine. "No, I want to stay in."
"You're the guest, it would be rude to say no," Cam said, smiling, and leant back in to kiss John again.
It was fine, it was good, familiar and what John had been wanting for weeks, ever since Woolsey had offered the time on Earth. It was nothing like the cell, where Ronon had been the only good thing, the only thing that kept him from freaking out between the stone floor and the guards and Rodney and Teyla's lives. His eyes kept springing open, but that was nothing; it wasn't like watching Cam slowly get naked was any kind of hardship, or like Cam was going to mind, when he sometimes caught John watching him between kisses.
It was fine through Cam sliding John's shirt off, and it was fine through John kicking his own jeans away, and it was better than fine through Cam cupping John's hardening cock through his boxers as they kissed.
Cam rubbed his own cock against John's thigh and slid his hands under John's boxers, over his ass to push them down and away. Cam came back up, tilting John's head to kiss him again and John pulled back, hardly aware that he'd meant to do it until it was already done.
"Can you turn the light out?" he asked, feeling stupid and trying not to blush when Cam looked down at him like he was trying to read John's mind. John opened his mouth to offer an explanation, then closed it again.
Cam nodded. "Sure. Put the lamp on so I don't fall and break my neck in the dark." He sounded completely normal, and it made John's heart ache, a little. He still breathed easier once the lights were out, the room lit by just the faint glow of the streetlights outside, and Cam pressed against him, skin against skin, Cam's hands on him, and, oh, thank God, he was definitely getting hard. Apparently the last two nights really didn't mean anything.
Cam rolled away for a moment and a drawer rattled. He came back with lube and a condom, vague shapes in the near-dark, one hand on John's hip. "Can I -"
John swallowed down the sudden surge of fear and nodded. "Yeah." He pressed in close again, pushing Cam down lightly, and kissed him, thumb circling Cam's nipple until he gasped.
"You trying to distract me?"
"Only a little," John said, making it a joke.
"You'll have to try harder," Cam said, and then there was a warm hand on John's ass, a single finger tracing slick over his asshole. He took a deep breath, relaxing into it, and it felt good when Cam's finger slipped inside. In the dark, Cam probably couldn't really see that John's eyes were open, and even then, he probably couldn't tell what John was looking at.
By the time Cam was sliding a third finger inside, John was about as relaxed as he thought he was going to get, still hard, which was good. He went easily enough when Cam turned him onto his stomach, didn't move when he heard the condom wrapper being opened. We don't have anything, Ronon had said, and John shivered.
"You cold?" Cam asked.
John shook his head. This was fine. This was Cam's apartment, not the cell, and no-one was going to die if he didn't -
Cam's hands closed on his wrists, sliding his hands above his head, and John said, "Stop," breathless and cracked.
"John -" Cam said.
John pushed back, stopping himself at the last moment before he slammed his elbow back and probably broke Cam's nose. "Stop, please, let me go."
Cam's hands vanished, taking the warm, solid press of Cam's body with them, and John pressed his face into the pillow, gasping for breath, tense and too hot with panic, more humiliated than he could ever remember being in his life, so close to cutting and running.
There was a long, long moment of nothing but the sound of John trying to breathe, then Cam said quietly, "Is it okay if I touch you?"
John shook his head sharply. "I don't know," he said honestly. He felt like he was right on the edge of shattering, had maybe been right there since the planet and the cell and what the fuck was wrong with him anyway, it had just been sex.
"Okay," Cam said softly. "I'm gonna go get dressed, make some coffee. I'll leave your things on the dresser, okay?"
John nodded, weak with relief. He wanted to say, 'it's okay, you can touch me. This isn't like it seems,' but he couldn't make the words come out.
The mattress shifted slightly as Cam stood up, followed by a few seconds of him moving around. A corner lamp went on, then John felt Cam near him again. He tensed up, unable not to, but Cam just opened out a blanket over him and left. John hadn't even realized how much it was bothering him, being naked, but the blanket felt great, like walking back into Atlantis had.
Even with the door closed, he could hear Cam moving around in the kitchen. It was reassuring, normal, and after a while, John relaxed enough to sit up, the blanket still over his legs, hiding his soft cock. He felt unpleasantly sticky, lube still slicking the insides of his thighs. He definitely needed a shower.
Cam was in the kitchen with the door closed when John ventured out into the hall, clothes over his arm, and John felt another wash of relief, feeling like an idiot for it. It was just Cam, he wasn't anyone to fear, and there was John, acting like he'd been raped, freaked out by the thought of sex. The weird thing was, he didn't really think it was the sex that had messed up his head. He was pretty sure it was the threats that had come before, the edge of sexual violence in their captors that he hadn't encountered much in Pegasus. Having it turned on him was just - messing with him.
The shower helped, as did being fully clothed again, and he felt almost normal by the time he was stood outside Cam's kitchen door, apart from the butterflies flapping around in his stomach. He wondered briefly if he should knock, decided that set a weird context for the conversation, and just walked in.
Cam was sitting at the kitchen table, both hands wrapped round a dark green coffee mug, and his eyes, when he looked up, were full of concern. "Better?" he asked.
John nodded. "Can we - do you mind if we go out? Walk?" He didn't want the conversation in Cam's apartment, didn't want it lingering there after it was done. It was bad enough that John's freak out would.
"Sure," Cam said, already standing up. "Let me get my shoes."
Cam didn't say anything when John turned right instead of left, heading away from the houses and the lights, toward the park a couple of blocks from Cam's building. They'd been there a handful of times before, though never after dark, and it looked different, large patches of dark between the street lights, and hardly anyone there.
John let himself drift a little closer to Cam, their hands brushing. He didn't quite dare reach for Cam's hand, not in public, even in the dark, even alone, but Cam touched the back of his hand to John's for a second, and it was okay.
"I'm sorry," John said after a while. "It's not - it's nothing like what you're thinking."
"Okay," Cam said quietly. He pressed his hand against John's again. "Bad shit happens off-world, right?"
John nodded, not sure if Cam could see it in the dark. The next streetlight was pretty far away.
"You want to tell me?" Cam asked. "You don't have to."
John shook his head. Cam stopped, reached out slowly and took John's wrist, pulling him closer. Not close enough for it to look really suspicious, beyond the way they were out together in the dark, but close enough for John to feel him there.
"Are you going to tell me anyway?" Cam asked, very soft. John leant very slightly into his warmth, and closed his eyes, and told.
*
Rodney still going on about the conference, which had apparently gone a lot better for him than the last one, when the two of them walked through the gate from Midway and back into Atlantis.
"And, you know, I really think," Rodney was saying as the gate shut down behind them, like he hadn't even noticed that they'd walked into the gate. He looked up, blinking. "Oh."
John rolled his eyes, turning away to hide his grin. The two weeks on Earth had been weird in a whole load of ways, but even he could tell they'd done him some good. He felt more relaxed than he could remember feeling in months, happy to be back.
"We're back," Rodney said, sounding honestly surprised.
"Yeah, genius," John said, giving up on hiding his grin.
Up on the balcony, Woolsey had come out to look down at them, smiling faintly in welcome. Lorne and Keller were both loitering on the edge of the gate-room, but John's eyes slid past them, focusing on the two people he really wanted to see. Teyla, dressed in her Athosian clothes, was carrying Torren, who was wriggling on her hip, reaching out for Rodney. She stepped closer to him, letting Torren clutch his little fists in Rodney's jacket, tilting her head to touch her forehead to Rodney's in welcome.
John turned away from watching them to find Ronon stood in front of him, looking like he was about to start looking worried again.
"I'm fine," John said quietly. He reached out, squeezed Ronon's upper arm and held on for a long moment. "I'm fine," he said again, and Ronon grinned, sudden and bright, and dragged him close for a crushing hug that left everyone else laughing, and John gasping for breath, and finally, finally, home.
Author: Santa
Pairing: Sheppard/Dex, Sheppard/Mitchell
Rating: NC-17
Recipient: kimberlite
Spoilers: Slight for 516 Brainstorm, general season 5; none for SG1
Warnings: Coerced sex, though not coerced by either of the participants in the sex.
Summary: What happens off-world... doesn't always stay there.
Part 1
*
Earth was the same way it always was, not enough daylight, too many people he didn't know, and everyone taking orders from someone who wasn't John. Cam was supposed to be off-duty, but had, inevitably, gotten embroiled in some minor crisis on a planet the SGC had an alliance with, and was off-world until the evening. Rodney fluttered and fussed, and offered to stick around and keep John company, then got huffy when John pointed out that if he missed his plane he'd miss his first lecture, and stomped off without even a goodbye.
Twenty minutes later, just as John was finally getting close to the Mountain's exit, his cell beeped at him. You're an ungrateful idiot, but you saved my life very recently, which means I'm not going to sic Teyla on you when we get home. Enjoy your vacation. See you in two weeks. RM.
John smiled, feeling much better. Enjoy your conference. Try not to ruin too many careers.
I make no promises, Rodney sent as John was getting into his ugly, gray, pool car, then, Don't do anything I wouldn't do, though John didn't get that one until he was pulling into the parking lot of Cam's apartment building.
He sent back, Gonna be a pretty boring vacation then.
Rodney sent him a colon and a letter p, and it took John ten minutes of staring to realize it was a face, sticking out its tongue. He raised his eyebrows at the screen, wondering if Rodney realized what that looked like in the context of the conversation, and then closed it, leaving the phone on Cam's bedside table and going back to unpacking the few things he'd bothered to bring with him. He could go shopping once Cam was back on duty, when he didn't have much else to do with his time.
He was patting down the pockets of his bag, looking for his toothbrush, when he found the box. It was small enough to hold in one hand, almost spherical except for the flat base, and varnished to a nearly red brown. It had to have come from Teyla - no-one else who knew him well enough to be slipping things into his pack had access to that kind of craftsmanship. He opened it carefully, a little worried over what might be inside.
He laughed at himself when the box turned out to be half full of loose tea leaves, the familiar cool scent that was close to chamomile, but not quite the same. There was a scrap of paper tucked into the lid, written in Teyla's careful English script: To aid in relaxation and the release of troubles. Unless your colonel has learned to meditate.
John could imagine Teyla's voice saying it, the smile she'd give him, knowing and amused, inviting him to smile back, share the joke. She was probably already on the mainland, soaking up the time with her people and showing off Torren.
He only meant to lie down for a few minutes, maybe take a short nap so he'd have a chance of being awake when Cam got home. Instead, he woke up to the sound of the bedroom door opening, Cam backlit by the hall light when John rolled over and squinted at him.
"Hey," Cam said quietly. "Thought you might have gone out."
"Still here." John sat up, rubbed his eyes in a vain attempt to wake up. "Done saving the world?"
Cam flipped the light on and came over to sit on the edge of the bed, his thigh against John's knee. "Didn't even have to threaten to shoot anyone," he said. He was back in civvies, jeans and blue shirt, shoes and jacket abandoned somewhere else in the apartment, and he looked good. A little tanned from being off-world in the sun, his hair just a little too long, looking at John like he was about to start smiling, and it made everything else seem far, far away.
"Good," John said, and hooked a hand round the back of his neck to pull him in and kiss him, hi, how's it going, maybe I missed you, a little.
When they finally broke apart again, Cam still had his feet on the floor, his body twisted awkwardly to press against John, and John's skin was tingling with the contact, an electric buzz that kind of reminded him a little of Atlantis.
"So, you wanna go out for dinner?" Cam asked, close enough that John went a little cross-eyed trying to look at him.
John grinned, slid one hand under Cam's shirt and up his spine. "No, I want to stay in."
"You're the guest, it would be rude to say no," Cam said, smiling, and leant back in to kiss John again.
It was fine, it was good, familiar and what John had been wanting for weeks, ever since Woolsey had offered the time on Earth. It was nothing like the cell, where Ronon had been the only good thing, the only thing that kept him from freaking out between the stone floor and the guards and Rodney and Teyla's lives. His eyes kept springing open, but that was nothing; it wasn't like watching Cam slowly get naked was any kind of hardship, or like Cam was going to mind, when he sometimes caught John watching him between kisses.
It was fine through Cam sliding John's shirt off, and it was fine through John kicking his own jeans away, and it was better than fine through Cam cupping John's hardening cock through his boxers as they kissed.
Cam rubbed his own cock against John's thigh and slid his hands under John's boxers, over his ass to push them down and away. Cam came back up, tilting John's head to kiss him again and John pulled back, hardly aware that he'd meant to do it until it was already done.
"Can you turn the light out?" he asked, feeling stupid and trying not to blush when Cam looked down at him like he was trying to read John's mind. John opened his mouth to offer an explanation, then closed it again.
Cam nodded. "Sure. Put the lamp on so I don't fall and break my neck in the dark." He sounded completely normal, and it made John's heart ache, a little. He still breathed easier once the lights were out, the room lit by just the faint glow of the streetlights outside, and Cam pressed against him, skin against skin, Cam's hands on him, and, oh, thank God, he was definitely getting hard. Apparently the last two nights really didn't mean anything.
Cam rolled away for a moment and a drawer rattled. He came back with lube and a condom, vague shapes in the near-dark, one hand on John's hip. "Can I -"
John swallowed down the sudden surge of fear and nodded. "Yeah." He pressed in close again, pushing Cam down lightly, and kissed him, thumb circling Cam's nipple until he gasped.
"You trying to distract me?"
"Only a little," John said, making it a joke.
"You'll have to try harder," Cam said, and then there was a warm hand on John's ass, a single finger tracing slick over his asshole. He took a deep breath, relaxing into it, and it felt good when Cam's finger slipped inside. In the dark, Cam probably couldn't really see that John's eyes were open, and even then, he probably couldn't tell what John was looking at.
By the time Cam was sliding a third finger inside, John was about as relaxed as he thought he was going to get, still hard, which was good. He went easily enough when Cam turned him onto his stomach, didn't move when he heard the condom wrapper being opened. We don't have anything, Ronon had said, and John shivered.
"You cold?" Cam asked.
John shook his head. This was fine. This was Cam's apartment, not the cell, and no-one was going to die if he didn't -
Cam's hands closed on his wrists, sliding his hands above his head, and John said, "Stop," breathless and cracked.
"John -" Cam said.
John pushed back, stopping himself at the last moment before he slammed his elbow back and probably broke Cam's nose. "Stop, please, let me go."
Cam's hands vanished, taking the warm, solid press of Cam's body with them, and John pressed his face into the pillow, gasping for breath, tense and too hot with panic, more humiliated than he could ever remember being in his life, so close to cutting and running.
There was a long, long moment of nothing but the sound of John trying to breathe, then Cam said quietly, "Is it okay if I touch you?"
John shook his head sharply. "I don't know," he said honestly. He felt like he was right on the edge of shattering, had maybe been right there since the planet and the cell and what the fuck was wrong with him anyway, it had just been sex.
"Okay," Cam said softly. "I'm gonna go get dressed, make some coffee. I'll leave your things on the dresser, okay?"
John nodded, weak with relief. He wanted to say, 'it's okay, you can touch me. This isn't like it seems,' but he couldn't make the words come out.
The mattress shifted slightly as Cam stood up, followed by a few seconds of him moving around. A corner lamp went on, then John felt Cam near him again. He tensed up, unable not to, but Cam just opened out a blanket over him and left. John hadn't even realized how much it was bothering him, being naked, but the blanket felt great, like walking back into Atlantis had.
Even with the door closed, he could hear Cam moving around in the kitchen. It was reassuring, normal, and after a while, John relaxed enough to sit up, the blanket still over his legs, hiding his soft cock. He felt unpleasantly sticky, lube still slicking the insides of his thighs. He definitely needed a shower.
Cam was in the kitchen with the door closed when John ventured out into the hall, clothes over his arm, and John felt another wash of relief, feeling like an idiot for it. It was just Cam, he wasn't anyone to fear, and there was John, acting like he'd been raped, freaked out by the thought of sex. The weird thing was, he didn't really think it was the sex that had messed up his head. He was pretty sure it was the threats that had come before, the edge of sexual violence in their captors that he hadn't encountered much in Pegasus. Having it turned on him was just - messing with him.
The shower helped, as did being fully clothed again, and he felt almost normal by the time he was stood outside Cam's kitchen door, apart from the butterflies flapping around in his stomach. He wondered briefly if he should knock, decided that set a weird context for the conversation, and just walked in.
Cam was sitting at the kitchen table, both hands wrapped round a dark green coffee mug, and his eyes, when he looked up, were full of concern. "Better?" he asked.
John nodded. "Can we - do you mind if we go out? Walk?" He didn't want the conversation in Cam's apartment, didn't want it lingering there after it was done. It was bad enough that John's freak out would.
"Sure," Cam said, already standing up. "Let me get my shoes."
Cam didn't say anything when John turned right instead of left, heading away from the houses and the lights, toward the park a couple of blocks from Cam's building. They'd been there a handful of times before, though never after dark, and it looked different, large patches of dark between the street lights, and hardly anyone there.
John let himself drift a little closer to Cam, their hands brushing. He didn't quite dare reach for Cam's hand, not in public, even in the dark, even alone, but Cam touched the back of his hand to John's for a second, and it was okay.
"I'm sorry," John said after a while. "It's not - it's nothing like what you're thinking."
"Okay," Cam said quietly. He pressed his hand against John's again. "Bad shit happens off-world, right?"
John nodded, not sure if Cam could see it in the dark. The next streetlight was pretty far away.
"You want to tell me?" Cam asked. "You don't have to."
John shook his head. Cam stopped, reached out slowly and took John's wrist, pulling him closer. Not close enough for it to look really suspicious, beyond the way they were out together in the dark, but close enough for John to feel him there.
"Are you going to tell me anyway?" Cam asked, very soft. John leant very slightly into his warmth, and closed his eyes, and told.
*
Rodney still going on about the conference, which had apparently gone a lot better for him than the last one, when the two of them walked through the gate from Midway and back into Atlantis.
"And, you know, I really think," Rodney was saying as the gate shut down behind them, like he hadn't even noticed that they'd walked into the gate. He looked up, blinking. "Oh."
John rolled his eyes, turning away to hide his grin. The two weeks on Earth had been weird in a whole load of ways, but even he could tell they'd done him some good. He felt more relaxed than he could remember feeling in months, happy to be back.
"We're back," Rodney said, sounding honestly surprised.
"Yeah, genius," John said, giving up on hiding his grin.
Up on the balcony, Woolsey had come out to look down at them, smiling faintly in welcome. Lorne and Keller were both loitering on the edge of the gate-room, but John's eyes slid past them, focusing on the two people he really wanted to see. Teyla, dressed in her Athosian clothes, was carrying Torren, who was wriggling on her hip, reaching out for Rodney. She stepped closer to him, letting Torren clutch his little fists in Rodney's jacket, tilting her head to touch her forehead to Rodney's in welcome.
John turned away from watching them to find Ronon stood in front of him, looking like he was about to start looking worried again.
"I'm fine," John said quietly. He reached out, squeezed Ronon's upper arm and held on for a long moment. "I'm fine," he said again, and Ronon grinned, sudden and bright, and dragged him close for a crushing hug that left everyone else laughing, and John gasping for breath, and finally, finally, home.