Fic: The First Home Sweet Home (So Dear)
For: andromeda05
Title: The First Home Sweet Home (So Dear)
Author: brighidestone
Genre: SGA/Eureka crossover
Pairing: J/R
Spoilers: All of Eureka, and various ones to later seasons of SG-1 and all of SGA.
Warnings: None.
Rating: NC-17ish.
Zoe knew she was busted before she'd even turned around.
"Classy, kid." John had that look on his face, the one Allison called "sardonic" and her dad called "asshole". His sunglasses hid most of the rest of whatever he was thinking. She hated it when her Dad had that advantage, and she didn't like it much better in John Sheppard, who most of the time was pretty all right, hanging at the skate park in his off hours, doing ollies for hours.
"I was going to pay for it!" Zoe insisted, the compact in her pocket burning like a brand against her hip.
John snorted. "Fine. We can go up to the counter together, since I'm done here, too." He shifted the basket he was carrying a little more to the side and behind, and Zoe thought, "Huh." She craned her neck and ... wow. That was a big box of condoms. And a flip-top bottle.
Wow.
John, she could sorta picture. He was handsome, just going a bit silvery at the temples, and still had a body on him, sort of like Keanu.
But Rodney?
"Stop thinking that. It'll make you go blind," John said dryly, taking her gently by the elbow and steering her up to the counter. She waited until Aria had rung it up before leaning across the aisle to where John was buying his stuff. "I left my debit card at home!"
John narrowed his eyes. "You realize this means you're helping me clean up the yard at my place tomorrow?" he said, handing her a twenty. "Instead of learning how to do a Gay Twist at the park." His mouth twitched slightly, a hint of smile tucked up in the corner.
"OmiGOD," Zoe said when the penny dropped. "That is so lame." She handed the twenty to Aria. "Lame," she said to Aria.
"And a crying shame, too," Aria said, grinning ear to ear. She handed the change to John, who stood waiting for Zoe.
"C'mon, kid. I'll take you back to the station and you can tell your dad how you've agreed to trade weeding for aerial lessons. I won't even mention the backsliding." He patted her shoulder, and Zoe smiled up at him because he was almost cool, for an old guy.
%%%
Jack ate one of the croissants Zoe and Sheppard had brought in and watched his new deputy settle into his desk and start his day's paperwork. He'd been a good hire, even if his jacket was wiped cleaner than anything Jack had ever seen before. Scary clean, almost. Allison had tried to probe deeper but she'd just met up with a bunch of brass who said they should hire Sheppard on, regardless of his "alternate" lifestyle, because they were getting a bona fide hero.
Jack's experiences with heroes had rarely been good.
And the one time he'd seen Sheppard with his shirt off, when they'd had to strip down for decontamination, had revealed a body laced in scars and marks, including a ragged handprint on his chest, that made him wince.
A man didn't get those from any deep space telemetry project.
Still. Sheppard showed up on time, was easygoing with the locals and was scarily calm when the weird shit hit. Almost like he'd been there, done that before. He'd helped keep things calm, he knew how to talk to the scientists, and his husband made sure they stocked good coffee. Jo like Sheppard, and had even let him in the gun locker his first week.
And he was nice to Zoe and Kevin in an offhand, easygoing way, letting them bug him at the park and going off to play laser tag with them when they wheedled.
"What'd she do?" Jack said finally. "And what do I owe you?"
Sheppard looked up at him. "She was pocketing some make-up. And you don't owe me, she does." He shrugged. "Jo says she'd pretty much stopped that a couple of years ago, but hey. You're having a baby and she's graduating and that's a lot of pressure. It's a stress thing, right?" Sheppard shrugged again. "She's scared. Who wouldn't be?"
Jack nodded. "I guess I need to take her out for a father-daughter night," he said. "Kids make you old, fast," he added.
"So do green marines," John said, his face still and closed-off and pissing Jack right off.
Deep space telemetry. Yeah, right.
%%%
John had dinner half-made by the time Rodney got home. "How was your day, Brain?"
"The inanity was only outmatched by the gross stupidity. And why has that Fargo person been allowed to live?" Rodney said, stealing a raw carrot and eating it in three snapping bites. "Best and brightest my Canadian ass! Remind me again why we're here?"
"Because you owed Sam a favour, because Zelenka begged you and because you were going to go crazy and kill-kill-kill if they made you teach undergraduates again," John said, turning on the burner under the pot. He turned then and took Rodney's face between his hands and kissed him slowly, wetly. He curled his left hand into a loose fist and rubbed the knuckles along Rodney's jaw, letting his ring slide and catch and just generally make Rodney feel a little crazy . "Dinner's gonna take about half an hour more. What do you wanna do until then?"
Rodney grinned. "The same thing we do every night, Pinky?"
John laughed, that stupid, braying bark that made Rodney's heart twist a little in his chest. "Later," he said, kissing Rodney again, short and hard and promising. "So. How was work? Really?" He went into the fridge, pulled them each out a beer and opened them as Rodney started setting the table.
"Nathan Stark was ... words can't capture his arrogance, and may I just say that I'm not surprised he got goa'ulded? Zelenka is not nearly an asshole enough to run that place. Fortunately, I am." He took the beer John held out to him, swallowed deeply. "And I think the Trust is still in there, all the way up to their elbows."
"That's what Sam figured," John said. "Any leads?"
Rodney shook his head. "Just sticky fingerprints on files, hidden data, and people who know too little." He lipped the neck of the beer bottle thoughtfully.
"The usual, then." John sighed. "Zoe's coming over tomorrow. She owes me yard work. And I figured you could make lasagne."
"I hate you,' Rodney said finally, but John had his number, had had it for years.
"No you don't," he said gravely, pointing at his mouth. "Suction like a Hoover."
"No I don't," Rodney agreed. "And a lot better than any Hoover. I'm going to go have a shower." He was halfway to the bedroom before he heard John's voice demanding, "Just what experience do you have with Hoovers, Rodney?"
%%%
Sunday was cool and grey and threatening rain. The leaves on the yard made a crazy-quilt of red and gold and brown, and looked kind of nice alongside the red brick bungalow that Sheppard and Rodney were renting.
"So, like, are you two really married?" Zoe asked, pulling the oversized gardening gloves on and clearing up the loose branches so John could run the mulcher he'd borrowed from Henry.
John straightened up from where he was working. "Yeah. They legalized it in Canada about four years ago."
"Then why'd you come down here? I mean, Eureka, yeah, okay. Most people don't give a shit, but the rest of the country? Is still acting totally lame about the whole issue." She snorted in disgust.
"That'd be why we were living in Canada," John agreed. "But we've friends here, and Zelenka needed Rodney's help." John shrugged.
"I like him better than Nathan. I mean, he keeps telling me he hates kids but he's just not good at them. Mostly he's okay. Nathan always acted like he liked kids but he really didn't. He loved Kevin, but he wasn't very good with him. Gross. Petrified dog pooh." She picked it up, tossed it into the wheelbarrow. "Is it true he got brainwashed?"
John looked up at her. "Yeah. Sort of. There are bad people out there, and they don't really care who they hurt or how much damage they do. They like places like Eureka, because sometimes all the cool stuff distracts people enough that they don't notice what's really going on."
"Kevin says his eyes flashed all gold-white, and his voice went ... weird," she said finally, her voice oddly small. "Everyone said Kevin imagined it, but ... I believe him."
"Good," John said, and his voice was funny, all tight and angry. "You keep believing it." He stood up, surveyed the yard. "Well. I guess we're about ready to try Henry's mulcher. D'you think I should get my gun in case it goes berserk?"
"In this town? Always a good precaution," Zoe said, but then John's phone rang and he went all scary-focused. He didn't say much, just, yeah, and uh-huh, and I'll be there.
"I've got to go, all right? There's been an emergency at Global Dynamics and ... " he stopped, swallowed. "I've got to go. Can you go feed Cat and McFly and hang out here with them? You can use the game system, the home theatre and the fridge is fair game."
Zoe nodded. "Yeah, no problem. Go already."
%%%
"What's the situation?" Sheppard was talking before he'd even gotten out of his jeep.
"Armed soldiers in full body armour with energy weapons of some sort, and a hostage situation. They let most of facility go, locking themselves down in Section Five." Jack spread out the blueprints Fargo handed him. "Getting in to them is going to be next to fucking impossible. They've got Pendergast, Heilbaum, Zelenka, Patil, Kim and McKay. Witnesses report a redheaded woman matching the description of Beverly Barlowe in their company, as well as a set of identical twin males, approximately early forties.
"They're not twins, they're clones," Sheppard said.
"Excuse me? Clones? Are you on something?" Fargo demanded. "We're still working on the human genome, it's far more complex and ..." he trailed off, face paling at Sheppard's expression. "Okay, clones."
Sheppard turned to Jack. "I'm not Air Force, not anymore, and to be honest, I'm used to dealing with the bad guys in another galaxy, but I need you to trust me and let me run this."
"This would be part of your deep space telemetry experience, then?" Jack said.
Sheppard smiled thinly. "Yeah, something like that. You guys need to get a hold of Colonel Cameron Mitchell out at Cheyenne Mountain, okay? He can bring in the resources you need to deal with this if I can't."
"Jo, do what Sheppard asks, okay? And if there is a Colonel Mitchell, I'll let you run this."
"We don't have time to wait for that," Sheppard said. "They're after the artefact ...which, by the way, does not predate the universe, though that was a good guess. An incredibly wrong guess, but a good one. So," and he pulled the damnedest little gun out of his pocket, one that popped up with a mechanical whine. "I'm afraid I'm going to have to go without your approval."
"Fine," Jack said finally. "But I'm going with you."
"That we can do," Sheppard said.
"Can I have a ray gun, too?" Jack asked.
"No," Sheppard said. "Now let's look at these plans, shall we?"
"It won't do much good," Fargo said. "Section Five in lockdown becomes separated from the rest of the facility. The ventilation conduits, pipes, all fittings have security doors. Everything locks down, and security systems are set to literally fricassee anyone who tries to breach the parameter."
"Thanks, Fargo," Jack said. "But I'm assuming that's not the only toy Sheppard's got?"
Sheppard grinned.
%%%
The room was damp and hot, and since Pendergast had pissed himself in the first fifteen minutes of captivity, it smelled like urine. Zelenka and Patil had tried to fight and were both out cold. Pendergast was sitting in his wet polyester whimpering. Janet Kim was watching with wide-eyed terror. Martin Heilbaum was dead.
"I thought you people had a revolution and were self-governing now?" Rodney said to the Jaffa nearest him.
"They are blasphemers who will never know the next life," the guard replied. "And you will be quiet."
"Obviously," said Rodney, "you haven't heard much about me."
"On the contrary, Doctor McKay. We have heard a great deal about you. Enough that we are almost glad that Stark proved to be such a weak instrument. Your understanding of Ancient technology should help us to utilize the artefact to eliminate the Ori threat once and for all." Ba'al One smiled charmingly at him.
Great. He was being cruised by a goa'uld. "Once and for you, you mean," Rodney said in disgust. "And it predates the Alterans. Do your damn research."
"We have, Doctor." The redhead had been Doctor Barlowe, although at the moment a goa'uld calling herself Anat seemed to be running things. For how long, Rodney had no clue. She leaned down, revealing a generous amount of cleavage. "And we know that you and several others think that the artefact is from whatever society influenced the Alterans. So you, as well as Zelenka, remain our best option at unlocking its secrets." She leaned in closer and Rodney's nose itched a little, and he felt his face flush and perspiration break out at the small of his back.
"Oh for god's sake. If you want me to be of any use to you, stop making me horny. And you sure as hell can't make me biddable." Anat reached out, took his hand and pulled his arm out, pushing up the sleeve to reveal a long, slender scar.
"Evidence says otherwise, Doctor," Ba'al Two said mildly.
"That," said Rodney, "was a very long time ago."
%%%
"I can't believe you're suggesting this," Jack said. "I can't believe I'm listening to you."
Sheppard toasted Jack with the water bottle he was holding and swallowed three of the pills Fargo had retrieved from security stores. "If you knew me better, you'd totally believe it," Sheppard said. "Operation Completely, Utterly Fucked, commencing now." He grinned at Jack, vibrated slightly in place, and then was gone.
%%%
Rodney read the small palm-computer Anat had given him. "If you try to remove the artefact using the containment field you've computed here? Well. You certainly won't be worrying about the Ori anymore." He handed it over to Zelenka, who looked pale but was alert enough to check equations.
"Yes, you will be dead. Vaporized, actually. And you forgot to carry the three, here," he said. "Though that will not help you."
Anat smiled at them. "You're both so terribly clever. I'm sure you'll figure something out." She lifted her hand, and one of the Jaffa held out a box, opening it and pulling out the delicate filigree and gemstone of a ribbon device. As she fitted it on, a second Jaffa retrieved Kim from where she was tied up in the corner.
Anat smiled at her. "This will be easier if you sit, Janet." It was her "Dr. Barlowe" voice, and Kim responded accordingly. Anat raised her hand and the jewel in her palm glowed ruddily. A moment later Kim screamed and Rodney had to fight not to gag at the smell of burning skin. "I can do this for a very long time, gentlemen. I suggest you do your own math if ours is not to your liking, because we are leaving with the artefact. It can put us on the same level as the Ori."
"You mean you at the same level," Zelenka said. He looked apologetically at Kim. "This I cannot do." He handed the palm-computer to Rodney.
Rodney dropped it on the floor, and watched wordlessly as Janet Kim's brains cooked inside he skull.
%%%
Sheppard held the small game-boy thingie in one hand, and gestured with his ray gun. "Put the EMP charge there."
"Won't that, I don't know, make the whole facility shut down and leave us all exposed?" Jack said.
"Put the very small, highly localized EMP charge there," Sheppard said, rolling his eyes.
Jack stuck the small, green thing, about the size of a seed pearl, on the wall. It hummed, whined and popped, and then Sheppard got his knife out and pried the security door open. No claxons, no poison gas and no fricassee.
"Great. One down, fourteen to go," Sheppard said. Jack thought he was being ironic.
%%%
Patil wasn't dead, but he was seizing on the floor, his third in twenty minutes. Ba'al One came and sat beside Rodney on the floor. "We can make you a god, you know, in the universe that follows. We can use minds like yours. Be honest with yourself. They've never valued you as they should, never rewarded you. I've read your files. They've buried your best work. They've buried you. You teach spoiled children and you are exiled from the place you love most."
"And you would let me be what I can be? Let me tinker with the universe? Blow up solar systems in my spare time?" Rodney said quietly.
"Entire galaxies, if needed," Ba'al said, smiling.
"Tempting," Rodney said at last. "But I discovered that I don't really want to be that kind of asshole. I could be, but I don't want to be."
"Then you will die," Ba'al said.
Rodney shrugged. "You'd be surprised how often I've heard that."
"But Zelenka will die first," Ba'al said softly, silkily. "I am very good at making it last. My patience is infinite, compared to Anat's."
Rodney turned his face to the wall and closed his eyes.
%%%
The mini-EMP thing worked pretty well on the door to the security station. And the 'zat worked really well on the big guy in armour guarding it. He watched as Sheppard stood over him, shot him a second time, then a third.
He glowed and then he just ... disappeared.
"You didn't have to do that," Jack said.
"Yes I did," Sheppard replied. "I'm going to take out the patrols, work my way in to where they're holding them. You need to stay here and watch the security feeds, give me intel. And if any more warriors show up? Once only stuns, so you damn well better shoot them three times, or else they'll wake up pissed." He handed a the guard's ray gun to Jack.
"The report said there was easily twelve guards," Jack said. "You can't take them on by yourself!"
"Honestly? I can," Sheppard said. "If they had Allison or Zoe?"
Jack paused, knowing it was stupid and wrong but ... "I could," he agreed.
%%%
The third time in the next hour one of the Jaffa came up and whispered in Anat's ear, Rodney was sure something was up. And he was pretty sure that something was John.
He was certain when the door swung open, two guards went flying and one of the Ba'al's necks got broken. He surged to his feet and ran straight for Anat, knocking her on her ass and ripping the ribbon device from her hand. A blur and a 'zat blast dropped her before she could throw Rodney off.
John blurred into view right in front of Rodney, sweating and wobbly. About two seconds later he was on his knees, hand fisted in Rodney's hair, kissing him so hard it bruised. Rodney held on tight and only let go when they were both gasping for breath.
"For Christ's sake, Rodney, tell me you've got a power bar," John said against his neck, and Rodney fished around in his pockets until he found one.
%%%
There were army vans and SUV's everywhere by the time they got out, and Jack watched bemusedly as a very large black man with a gold brand on his forehead took personal control of the remaining clone. An Air Force Colonel and a talkative guy with glasses took him aside to debrief him and make him sign a dozen different forms in triplicate including a non-disclosure agreement.
Another Air Force Colonel, blonde and sort of hot and scarily bright was babbling at McKay and arguing over something but it seemed sort of like McKay won that, and then she hugged him and he hugged her back really awkwardly.
About three hours later everyone was gone except McKay and Sheppard, who were sitting on one of the benches looking like someone had let the air out of both of them.
"So. Clones. Aliens. Government conspiracies. Sounds like you've had an interesting life," Jack said. "And that's just the stuff they let me in on."
"It gets wackier," Sheppard agreed.
"I guess I'm going to need a new deputy?" Jack half-asked.
"Not unless you're firing me. Rodney's still in charge here, and we're sort of a package deal." Sheppard looked up at him, almost expressionless, but not entirely.
"It's hard to find people who fit," Jack agreed. "I'll expect you in the station tomorrow, noon sharp." He had a baby coming; it was nice to have someone else who could step up when things got weird.
And Jo would kill him if she had to work Saturdays again.
%%%
Zoe was watching television when they got home. "I fed Cat and McFly, and I put together the lasagne stuff Dr. McKay had set up in the fridge."
Rodney tossed her the keys to his Smart Car. "Here. Don't crash it, do drugs in it or have sex in it. I'll pick it up from your place tomorrow."
"How could you have sex in ... on second thought, I don't want to know," she said. "I'm glad you're not dead."
"Me too," Rodney said. "The loss to humanity would be staggering."
Zoe rolled her eyes, but smiled at him. "Yeah, And John'd go postal."
When she was finally gone, Rodney said, "Shower. I stink." Halfway through he felt a rush of cool air and then John was naked in there with him, manhandling him into a bear hug.
"You're not allowed to get kidnapped by aliens on my day off," John mumbled into his neck, right before kissing him, swallowing any chance at a witty comeback that Rodney had. The kiss got a little crazy, with tongue and teeth and grinding but they were older than they used to be and shower sex required more energy and more balance than Rodney currently had. He pulled away reluctantly, got them both sluiced off and dragged John into their bed, both of them still wet and slippery from the shower.
John's mouth and hands were everywhere, checking every inch, making sure that he was there and real and it broke something in Rodney, made him pull John up, frame his face with his hands, kiss him slowly and surely and steadily as breathing. "Suck me," he said, finally, scarcely a breath of sound and John made a rough, short noise in the back of his throat before sliding down, taking the wet tip of Rodney's hard cock in his mouth. Rodney let himself get lost in tongue and teeth and long, elegant fingers that pressed cleverly, knowingly behind his balls, against the warm pucker of his asshole had Rodney arching up sweetly all too soon.
Before John could jerk himself to completion Rodney pushed him back into the bed, palm wide and firm over the feeding scar on John's chest. He slid back, straddled John's thighs and began jerking him, hard and fast, curling up on the upstroke, pulling John along into a soft, gasping orgasm.
Later, curled up and sleepy, John said, "Ever think about having kids, Rodney?"
"Yes. With fava beans and a nice Chianti. Shut up and go to sleep," he said. He closed his eyes and tried not to picture Janet Kim's terrified eyes.
"It wasn't your fault," John whispered.
"I know," Rodney said.
"Good," John said. Rodney could hear his breathing, the rustle of his hair against the pillow. "Doesn't help much, does it?"
"Never has," Rodney replied. "This does, though."
"Yeah," said John, pushing his face against the curve of Rodney's neck, pressing a soft, sucking kiss against the tender skin. "Yeah, it does."
%%%
The End. And Happy Holidays!
Love, Santa.
Title: The First Home Sweet Home (So Dear)
Author: brighidestone
Genre: SGA/Eureka crossover
Pairing: J/R
Spoilers: All of Eureka, and various ones to later seasons of SG-1 and all of SGA.
Warnings: None.
Rating: NC-17ish.
Zoe knew she was busted before she'd even turned around.
"Classy, kid." John had that look on his face, the one Allison called "sardonic" and her dad called "asshole". His sunglasses hid most of the rest of whatever he was thinking. She hated it when her Dad had that advantage, and she didn't like it much better in John Sheppard, who most of the time was pretty all right, hanging at the skate park in his off hours, doing ollies for hours.
"I was going to pay for it!" Zoe insisted, the compact in her pocket burning like a brand against her hip.
John snorted. "Fine. We can go up to the counter together, since I'm done here, too." He shifted the basket he was carrying a little more to the side and behind, and Zoe thought, "Huh." She craned her neck and ... wow. That was a big box of condoms. And a flip-top bottle.
Wow.
John, she could sorta picture. He was handsome, just going a bit silvery at the temples, and still had a body on him, sort of like Keanu.
But Rodney?
"Stop thinking that. It'll make you go blind," John said dryly, taking her gently by the elbow and steering her up to the counter. She waited until Aria had rung it up before leaning across the aisle to where John was buying his stuff. "I left my debit card at home!"
John narrowed his eyes. "You realize this means you're helping me clean up the yard at my place tomorrow?" he said, handing her a twenty. "Instead of learning how to do a Gay Twist at the park." His mouth twitched slightly, a hint of smile tucked up in the corner.
"OmiGOD," Zoe said when the penny dropped. "That is so lame." She handed the twenty to Aria. "Lame," she said to Aria.
"And a crying shame, too," Aria said, grinning ear to ear. She handed the change to John, who stood waiting for Zoe.
"C'mon, kid. I'll take you back to the station and you can tell your dad how you've agreed to trade weeding for aerial lessons. I won't even mention the backsliding." He patted her shoulder, and Zoe smiled up at him because he was almost cool, for an old guy.
%%%
Jack ate one of the croissants Zoe and Sheppard had brought in and watched his new deputy settle into his desk and start his day's paperwork. He'd been a good hire, even if his jacket was wiped cleaner than anything Jack had ever seen before. Scary clean, almost. Allison had tried to probe deeper but she'd just met up with a bunch of brass who said they should hire Sheppard on, regardless of his "alternate" lifestyle, because they were getting a bona fide hero.
Jack's experiences with heroes had rarely been good.
And the one time he'd seen Sheppard with his shirt off, when they'd had to strip down for decontamination, had revealed a body laced in scars and marks, including a ragged handprint on his chest, that made him wince.
A man didn't get those from any deep space telemetry project.
Still. Sheppard showed up on time, was easygoing with the locals and was scarily calm when the weird shit hit. Almost like he'd been there, done that before. He'd helped keep things calm, he knew how to talk to the scientists, and his husband made sure they stocked good coffee. Jo like Sheppard, and had even let him in the gun locker his first week.
And he was nice to Zoe and Kevin in an offhand, easygoing way, letting them bug him at the park and going off to play laser tag with them when they wheedled.
"What'd she do?" Jack said finally. "And what do I owe you?"
Sheppard looked up at him. "She was pocketing some make-up. And you don't owe me, she does." He shrugged. "Jo says she'd pretty much stopped that a couple of years ago, but hey. You're having a baby and she's graduating and that's a lot of pressure. It's a stress thing, right?" Sheppard shrugged again. "She's scared. Who wouldn't be?"
Jack nodded. "I guess I need to take her out for a father-daughter night," he said. "Kids make you old, fast," he added.
"So do green marines," John said, his face still and closed-off and pissing Jack right off.
Deep space telemetry. Yeah, right.
%%%
John had dinner half-made by the time Rodney got home. "How was your day, Brain?"
"The inanity was only outmatched by the gross stupidity. And why has that Fargo person been allowed to live?" Rodney said, stealing a raw carrot and eating it in three snapping bites. "Best and brightest my Canadian ass! Remind me again why we're here?"
"Because you owed Sam a favour, because Zelenka begged you and because you were going to go crazy and kill-kill-kill if they made you teach undergraduates again," John said, turning on the burner under the pot. He turned then and took Rodney's face between his hands and kissed him slowly, wetly. He curled his left hand into a loose fist and rubbed the knuckles along Rodney's jaw, letting his ring slide and catch and just generally make Rodney feel a little crazy . "Dinner's gonna take about half an hour more. What do you wanna do until then?"
Rodney grinned. "The same thing we do every night, Pinky?"
John laughed, that stupid, braying bark that made Rodney's heart twist a little in his chest. "Later," he said, kissing Rodney again, short and hard and promising. "So. How was work? Really?" He went into the fridge, pulled them each out a beer and opened them as Rodney started setting the table.
"Nathan Stark was ... words can't capture his arrogance, and may I just say that I'm not surprised he got goa'ulded? Zelenka is not nearly an asshole enough to run that place. Fortunately, I am." He took the beer John held out to him, swallowed deeply. "And I think the Trust is still in there, all the way up to their elbows."
"That's what Sam figured," John said. "Any leads?"
Rodney shook his head. "Just sticky fingerprints on files, hidden data, and people who know too little." He lipped the neck of the beer bottle thoughtfully.
"The usual, then." John sighed. "Zoe's coming over tomorrow. She owes me yard work. And I figured you could make lasagne."
"I hate you,' Rodney said finally, but John had his number, had had it for years.
"No you don't," he said gravely, pointing at his mouth. "Suction like a Hoover."
"No I don't," Rodney agreed. "And a lot better than any Hoover. I'm going to go have a shower." He was halfway to the bedroom before he heard John's voice demanding, "Just what experience do you have with Hoovers, Rodney?"
%%%
Sunday was cool and grey and threatening rain. The leaves on the yard made a crazy-quilt of red and gold and brown, and looked kind of nice alongside the red brick bungalow that Sheppard and Rodney were renting.
"So, like, are you two really married?" Zoe asked, pulling the oversized gardening gloves on and clearing up the loose branches so John could run the mulcher he'd borrowed from Henry.
John straightened up from where he was working. "Yeah. They legalized it in Canada about four years ago."
"Then why'd you come down here? I mean, Eureka, yeah, okay. Most people don't give a shit, but the rest of the country? Is still acting totally lame about the whole issue." She snorted in disgust.
"That'd be why we were living in Canada," John agreed. "But we've friends here, and Zelenka needed Rodney's help." John shrugged.
"I like him better than Nathan. I mean, he keeps telling me he hates kids but he's just not good at them. Mostly he's okay. Nathan always acted like he liked kids but he really didn't. He loved Kevin, but he wasn't very good with him. Gross. Petrified dog pooh." She picked it up, tossed it into the wheelbarrow. "Is it true he got brainwashed?"
John looked up at her. "Yeah. Sort of. There are bad people out there, and they don't really care who they hurt or how much damage they do. They like places like Eureka, because sometimes all the cool stuff distracts people enough that they don't notice what's really going on."
"Kevin says his eyes flashed all gold-white, and his voice went ... weird," she said finally, her voice oddly small. "Everyone said Kevin imagined it, but ... I believe him."
"Good," John said, and his voice was funny, all tight and angry. "You keep believing it." He stood up, surveyed the yard. "Well. I guess we're about ready to try Henry's mulcher. D'you think I should get my gun in case it goes berserk?"
"In this town? Always a good precaution," Zoe said, but then John's phone rang and he went all scary-focused. He didn't say much, just, yeah, and uh-huh, and I'll be there.
"I've got to go, all right? There's been an emergency at Global Dynamics and ... " he stopped, swallowed. "I've got to go. Can you go feed Cat and McFly and hang out here with them? You can use the game system, the home theatre and the fridge is fair game."
Zoe nodded. "Yeah, no problem. Go already."
%%%
"What's the situation?" Sheppard was talking before he'd even gotten out of his jeep.
"Armed soldiers in full body armour with energy weapons of some sort, and a hostage situation. They let most of facility go, locking themselves down in Section Five." Jack spread out the blueprints Fargo handed him. "Getting in to them is going to be next to fucking impossible. They've got Pendergast, Heilbaum, Zelenka, Patil, Kim and McKay. Witnesses report a redheaded woman matching the description of Beverly Barlowe in their company, as well as a set of identical twin males, approximately early forties.
"They're not twins, they're clones," Sheppard said.
"Excuse me? Clones? Are you on something?" Fargo demanded. "We're still working on the human genome, it's far more complex and ..." he trailed off, face paling at Sheppard's expression. "Okay, clones."
Sheppard turned to Jack. "I'm not Air Force, not anymore, and to be honest, I'm used to dealing with the bad guys in another galaxy, but I need you to trust me and let me run this."
"This would be part of your deep space telemetry experience, then?" Jack said.
Sheppard smiled thinly. "Yeah, something like that. You guys need to get a hold of Colonel Cameron Mitchell out at Cheyenne Mountain, okay? He can bring in the resources you need to deal with this if I can't."
"Jo, do what Sheppard asks, okay? And if there is a Colonel Mitchell, I'll let you run this."
"We don't have time to wait for that," Sheppard said. "They're after the artefact ...which, by the way, does not predate the universe, though that was a good guess. An incredibly wrong guess, but a good one. So," and he pulled the damnedest little gun out of his pocket, one that popped up with a mechanical whine. "I'm afraid I'm going to have to go without your approval."
"Fine," Jack said finally. "But I'm going with you."
"That we can do," Sheppard said.
"Can I have a ray gun, too?" Jack asked.
"No," Sheppard said. "Now let's look at these plans, shall we?"
"It won't do much good," Fargo said. "Section Five in lockdown becomes separated from the rest of the facility. The ventilation conduits, pipes, all fittings have security doors. Everything locks down, and security systems are set to literally fricassee anyone who tries to breach the parameter."
"Thanks, Fargo," Jack said. "But I'm assuming that's not the only toy Sheppard's got?"
Sheppard grinned.
%%%
The room was damp and hot, and since Pendergast had pissed himself in the first fifteen minutes of captivity, it smelled like urine. Zelenka and Patil had tried to fight and were both out cold. Pendergast was sitting in his wet polyester whimpering. Janet Kim was watching with wide-eyed terror. Martin Heilbaum was dead.
"I thought you people had a revolution and were self-governing now?" Rodney said to the Jaffa nearest him.
"They are blasphemers who will never know the next life," the guard replied. "And you will be quiet."
"Obviously," said Rodney, "you haven't heard much about me."
"On the contrary, Doctor McKay. We have heard a great deal about you. Enough that we are almost glad that Stark proved to be such a weak instrument. Your understanding of Ancient technology should help us to utilize the artefact to eliminate the Ori threat once and for all." Ba'al One smiled charmingly at him.
Great. He was being cruised by a goa'uld. "Once and for you, you mean," Rodney said in disgust. "And it predates the Alterans. Do your damn research."
"We have, Doctor." The redhead had been Doctor Barlowe, although at the moment a goa'uld calling herself Anat seemed to be running things. For how long, Rodney had no clue. She leaned down, revealing a generous amount of cleavage. "And we know that you and several others think that the artefact is from whatever society influenced the Alterans. So you, as well as Zelenka, remain our best option at unlocking its secrets." She leaned in closer and Rodney's nose itched a little, and he felt his face flush and perspiration break out at the small of his back.
"Oh for god's sake. If you want me to be of any use to you, stop making me horny. And you sure as hell can't make me biddable." Anat reached out, took his hand and pulled his arm out, pushing up the sleeve to reveal a long, slender scar.
"Evidence says otherwise, Doctor," Ba'al Two said mildly.
"That," said Rodney, "was a very long time ago."
%%%
"I can't believe you're suggesting this," Jack said. "I can't believe I'm listening to you."
Sheppard toasted Jack with the water bottle he was holding and swallowed three of the pills Fargo had retrieved from security stores. "If you knew me better, you'd totally believe it," Sheppard said. "Operation Completely, Utterly Fucked, commencing now." He grinned at Jack, vibrated slightly in place, and then was gone.
%%%
Rodney read the small palm-computer Anat had given him. "If you try to remove the artefact using the containment field you've computed here? Well. You certainly won't be worrying about the Ori anymore." He handed it over to Zelenka, who looked pale but was alert enough to check equations.
"Yes, you will be dead. Vaporized, actually. And you forgot to carry the three, here," he said. "Though that will not help you."
Anat smiled at them. "You're both so terribly clever. I'm sure you'll figure something out." She lifted her hand, and one of the Jaffa held out a box, opening it and pulling out the delicate filigree and gemstone of a ribbon device. As she fitted it on, a second Jaffa retrieved Kim from where she was tied up in the corner.
Anat smiled at her. "This will be easier if you sit, Janet." It was her "Dr. Barlowe" voice, and Kim responded accordingly. Anat raised her hand and the jewel in her palm glowed ruddily. A moment later Kim screamed and Rodney had to fight not to gag at the smell of burning skin. "I can do this for a very long time, gentlemen. I suggest you do your own math if ours is not to your liking, because we are leaving with the artefact. It can put us on the same level as the Ori."
"You mean you at the same level," Zelenka said. He looked apologetically at Kim. "This I cannot do." He handed the palm-computer to Rodney.
Rodney dropped it on the floor, and watched wordlessly as Janet Kim's brains cooked inside he skull.
%%%
Sheppard held the small game-boy thingie in one hand, and gestured with his ray gun. "Put the EMP charge there."
"Won't that, I don't know, make the whole facility shut down and leave us all exposed?" Jack said.
"Put the very small, highly localized EMP charge there," Sheppard said, rolling his eyes.
Jack stuck the small, green thing, about the size of a seed pearl, on the wall. It hummed, whined and popped, and then Sheppard got his knife out and pried the security door open. No claxons, no poison gas and no fricassee.
"Great. One down, fourteen to go," Sheppard said. Jack thought he was being ironic.
%%%
Patil wasn't dead, but he was seizing on the floor, his third in twenty minutes. Ba'al One came and sat beside Rodney on the floor. "We can make you a god, you know, in the universe that follows. We can use minds like yours. Be honest with yourself. They've never valued you as they should, never rewarded you. I've read your files. They've buried your best work. They've buried you. You teach spoiled children and you are exiled from the place you love most."
"And you would let me be what I can be? Let me tinker with the universe? Blow up solar systems in my spare time?" Rodney said quietly.
"Entire galaxies, if needed," Ba'al said, smiling.
"Tempting," Rodney said at last. "But I discovered that I don't really want to be that kind of asshole. I could be, but I don't want to be."
"Then you will die," Ba'al said.
Rodney shrugged. "You'd be surprised how often I've heard that."
"But Zelenka will die first," Ba'al said softly, silkily. "I am very good at making it last. My patience is infinite, compared to Anat's."
Rodney turned his face to the wall and closed his eyes.
%%%
The mini-EMP thing worked pretty well on the door to the security station. And the 'zat worked really well on the big guy in armour guarding it. He watched as Sheppard stood over him, shot him a second time, then a third.
He glowed and then he just ... disappeared.
"You didn't have to do that," Jack said.
"Yes I did," Sheppard replied. "I'm going to take out the patrols, work my way in to where they're holding them. You need to stay here and watch the security feeds, give me intel. And if any more warriors show up? Once only stuns, so you damn well better shoot them three times, or else they'll wake up pissed." He handed a the guard's ray gun to Jack.
"The report said there was easily twelve guards," Jack said. "You can't take them on by yourself!"
"Honestly? I can," Sheppard said. "If they had Allison or Zoe?"
Jack paused, knowing it was stupid and wrong but ... "I could," he agreed.
%%%
The third time in the next hour one of the Jaffa came up and whispered in Anat's ear, Rodney was sure something was up. And he was pretty sure that something was John.
He was certain when the door swung open, two guards went flying and one of the Ba'al's necks got broken. He surged to his feet and ran straight for Anat, knocking her on her ass and ripping the ribbon device from her hand. A blur and a 'zat blast dropped her before she could throw Rodney off.
John blurred into view right in front of Rodney, sweating and wobbly. About two seconds later he was on his knees, hand fisted in Rodney's hair, kissing him so hard it bruised. Rodney held on tight and only let go when they were both gasping for breath.
"For Christ's sake, Rodney, tell me you've got a power bar," John said against his neck, and Rodney fished around in his pockets until he found one.
%%%
There were army vans and SUV's everywhere by the time they got out, and Jack watched bemusedly as a very large black man with a gold brand on his forehead took personal control of the remaining clone. An Air Force Colonel and a talkative guy with glasses took him aside to debrief him and make him sign a dozen different forms in triplicate including a non-disclosure agreement.
Another Air Force Colonel, blonde and sort of hot and scarily bright was babbling at McKay and arguing over something but it seemed sort of like McKay won that, and then she hugged him and he hugged her back really awkwardly.
About three hours later everyone was gone except McKay and Sheppard, who were sitting on one of the benches looking like someone had let the air out of both of them.
"So. Clones. Aliens. Government conspiracies. Sounds like you've had an interesting life," Jack said. "And that's just the stuff they let me in on."
"It gets wackier," Sheppard agreed.
"I guess I'm going to need a new deputy?" Jack half-asked.
"Not unless you're firing me. Rodney's still in charge here, and we're sort of a package deal." Sheppard looked up at him, almost expressionless, but not entirely.
"It's hard to find people who fit," Jack agreed. "I'll expect you in the station tomorrow, noon sharp." He had a baby coming; it was nice to have someone else who could step up when things got weird.
And Jo would kill him if she had to work Saturdays again.
%%%
Zoe was watching television when they got home. "I fed Cat and McFly, and I put together the lasagne stuff Dr. McKay had set up in the fridge."
Rodney tossed her the keys to his Smart Car. "Here. Don't crash it, do drugs in it or have sex in it. I'll pick it up from your place tomorrow."
"How could you have sex in ... on second thought, I don't want to know," she said. "I'm glad you're not dead."
"Me too," Rodney said. "The loss to humanity would be staggering."
Zoe rolled her eyes, but smiled at him. "Yeah, And John'd go postal."
When she was finally gone, Rodney said, "Shower. I stink." Halfway through he felt a rush of cool air and then John was naked in there with him, manhandling him into a bear hug.
"You're not allowed to get kidnapped by aliens on my day off," John mumbled into his neck, right before kissing him, swallowing any chance at a witty comeback that Rodney had. The kiss got a little crazy, with tongue and teeth and grinding but they were older than they used to be and shower sex required more energy and more balance than Rodney currently had. He pulled away reluctantly, got them both sluiced off and dragged John into their bed, both of them still wet and slippery from the shower.
John's mouth and hands were everywhere, checking every inch, making sure that he was there and real and it broke something in Rodney, made him pull John up, frame his face with his hands, kiss him slowly and surely and steadily as breathing. "Suck me," he said, finally, scarcely a breath of sound and John made a rough, short noise in the back of his throat before sliding down, taking the wet tip of Rodney's hard cock in his mouth. Rodney let himself get lost in tongue and teeth and long, elegant fingers that pressed cleverly, knowingly behind his balls, against the warm pucker of his asshole had Rodney arching up sweetly all too soon.
Before John could jerk himself to completion Rodney pushed him back into the bed, palm wide and firm over the feeding scar on John's chest. He slid back, straddled John's thighs and began jerking him, hard and fast, curling up on the upstroke, pulling John along into a soft, gasping orgasm.
Later, curled up and sleepy, John said, "Ever think about having kids, Rodney?"
"Yes. With fava beans and a nice Chianti. Shut up and go to sleep," he said. He closed his eyes and tried not to picture Janet Kim's terrified eyes.
"It wasn't your fault," John whispered.
"I know," Rodney said.
"Good," John said. Rodney could hear his breathing, the rustle of his hair against the pillow. "Doesn't help much, does it?"
"Never has," Rodney replied. "This does, though."
"Yeah," said John, pushing his face against the curve of Rodney's neck, pressing a soft, sucking kiss against the tender skin. "Yeah, it does."
%%%
The End. And Happy Holidays!
Love, Santa.