Fic: Hypatia

Dec 14, 2006 23:35

Title: Hypatia
Author: lilyayl
For: seramercury
Pairing: John/Elizabeth
Betas: rosewildeirish, cinaed
Spoilers/Warnings: Up to Return 1, AU, Very, Very slight crossover with Eureka. All you need to know about Eureka, really, is that it is a top secret town for geniuses and that it seems to not know about the Stargate program or anything else involved with that. In fact, one resident once scoffed at Area 51.
Summary: It has been three years and Elizabeth still refuses to move on and forget. John is trying hard to not remember.
Disclaimer: I own neither Stargate Atlantis nor Eureka. The side text comes from Italo Calvino's Invisible Cities from the entry on Hypatia



Of all the changes of language a traveler in distant lands must face,
none equals that which waits him in the city of Hypatia, because the
change regards not words, but things. I entered Hypatia one morning, a
magnolia garden was reflected in blue lagoons, I walked among the
hedges, sure I would discover young and beautiful ladies bathing; but
at the bottom of the water, crabs were biting the eyes of the suicides,
stones tied around their necks, their hair green with seaweed.

The wormhole opened up around them and they were careening forward. Anticipation clenched around Elizabeth and all sound faded to noise. Soon they would be home. Soon Atlantis would be saved. John grinned back at her and she smiled, wide and happy and scared. Then she felt the slight change, the shift inside the endless wormhole that signaled their destination. Elizabeth grabbed John's shoulder and watched the wormhole tilt and end and then--

Three years, Elizabeth thought as she opened her eyes. Three years since the bombing of Atlantis and she still dreamed of going home. She glanced sidelong at the clock and groaned. She had only 30 minutes to pack up and move out. She'd have to cut her shower short again.

This place is tired. The bed creaks and sinks down too low. The streets are still, even in the afternoon. In my usual insomnia, I wander the town. I stargaze sometimes and look for home. I am still not used to living here. Whenever a tire squeals, I hear darts and can barely keep myself from running. Nothing feels nor tastes right. I want to go home, but I can't.

Elizabeth checked out of the motel and warmed up her car. Her breath formed clouds and her fingers began to pale. In the seat beside her were the remains of her lunch yesterday and a beat-up atlas. While her car warmed, Elizabeth flipped through the atlas and tried to decide where to go next.

Carson made up with Laura. They're married now and arguing about children. Rodney has disappeared to some town up north. He says he is on the edge of something huge and last year he finally convinced Radek to join him. He wants her to visit as well. John quit the Stargate Program, quit the Air Force, and now teaches Algebra and Trig to apathetic high-schoolers. He gives flying lessons during the summer and on weekends. They all seem so happy.

I know I shouldn't be angry with any of them. They are doing what they must, but surely Atlantis deserves more than this. How can they forget our city so easily? Their good news bursts my inbox, but I don't care anymore. I have to move on too.

A box popped up on Elizabeth's computer screen reminding her she only had a few more minutes before her session ended. She deleted all the emails, not replying to a single one, and closed out of her client. She spent her last few minutes checking the weather conditions for the next town she was planning to visit. Temperatures in the 50s. Not bad.

New town. Southern Indiana this time. I am escaping the cold. I arrived in time for a yearly festival. One divided street is cordoned off for several blocks and food booths line both sides of the street, except where the stages and rides are. The food is strange, not as odd as Pegasus fare, but still bizarre. Brain sandwiches, deep-fried oreos, Indian flat bread, deep-fried everything-you-can-imagine, scorpions-- the variety is astonishing. The crowd is full and anonymous. The music... variable. But I have gone everyday so far; they have a ferris wheel.

Elizabeth handed her tickets over to the ride operator and slipped onto the seat. A tall, dark-haired man slid beside her. Elizabeth jerked, for a moment thinking it was John, but then he turned toward her and she could see the face was all wrong. "Enjoying yourself?" the man asked with a smile. Elizabeth just nodded and looked down at the increasingly distant ground, not caring if she was being rude. Thankfully, the man did not ask anymore questions and she enjoyed her ride in silence.

John Sheppard is a good man. He was self-sacrificing to a fault, laconic, and sometimes infuriating. But...

He loved to fly. You could tell by the way his entire body seemed to grin anytime he was in the air. His smile, his real smile, will always be a memory I cherish.

He hadn't wanted to come to Atlantis, he told me one night. We had these rituals. Warm drinks, a balcony, and company. Sometimes we talked, often we didn't. We could just stand there for hours. It was our way around the rules, or at least that is what I thought. I always thought he loved Atlantis more than anyone else. I suppose I was wrong.

I suppose I was wrong about a lot of things.

Elizabeth ripped the pages from her atlas and pinned them up to the wall. She sharpened a colored pencil and threw it hard against the papers. The first two times she missed. The third time, the pencil connected with the paper before bouncing back and tipping over her quarter-full coke can. After sopping up the mess, Elizabeth examined the maps. Her next destination was Gatlinburg.

New town. Horrible place, all cheap glitter and no substance. Just a bunch of tourist traps cut between some truly beautiful mountains. I might stay for a while. They have this aquarium where you walk underneath the tank, the fish swimming all around. And horses. I did miss riding horses in Atlantis. On top of one mountain there is this large complex filled with activities. Bad arcades, even worse food, and an ice rink. I only fell twice yesterday. I'll leave when I can spin.

"Where is the sage ?"

The smoker pointed out of the window. It was a garden with children's
games: ninepins, a swing, a top. The philosopher was seated on the
lawn. He said: "Signs form a language, but not the one you think you
know."

I realized I had to free myself from the images which in the past had
announced to me the things I sought: only then will I succeed in
understanding the language of Hypatia.

"John, are you sure you want to do this field trip?" Angie looked over the itinerary John had sketched together over the weekend.

"It's cultural," he said, spreading some pamphlets in front of Angie Carter, the math department head.

"It's a tourist trap," she countered and John smirked.

"Exactly. Besides, I can use the trip to show them the relevance of math to their daily lives."

Angie snorted. "Bryson told you to say that."

"Peter may have helped me with the proposal. He'd go, too. Make the kids look at the historical edge. Emma has also volunteered."

Angie looked up, skeptical. "And what exactly does gym have to do with Gatlinburg?"

John shrugged, slouching back against one of the student desks. "Well, there's an ice rink and skiing and other stuff. She said something about getting them to move around a lot, a scavenger hunt or something." He sketched his lack of answer in the air. Angie just rolled her eyes.

"Well, the town isn't that far off, and Hessler has been pestering up to do more cross-curricular work..." Angie scribbled her signature down at the bottom of the page, showing her support and recommendation for the trip.

John straightened up, grinning. "Thanks, Angie."

"Don't thank me yet. You still have to convince Hessler."

John shook his head. "Nah, that'll be easy. We're siccing Emma on him." Angie laughed.

To: Rodney McKay [romckay@eureka.gov]
From: John Sheppard [jshep@newheights.edu]
Subj: Field Trip

We've finally convinced Hessler to let us have our trip. The kids seem excited, which is really all we wanted. We needed something to break up the January, post-Christmas monotony.

How are things with you and Radek? Anything ground-breaking yet? Looks like Laura's finally convinced Carson that adopting is the better option. Did you get his email about the orphanages here yet? If you managed to miss that one, do yourself a favor and do not bring up the subject. It has become his new passion.

Have you heard from Elizabeth at all? She stopped responding to my emails months ago, almost a year really. I wish we knew where she was.

Anyway, the part of this email that you actually care about. Pawn c7 to c6.

John gestured for his students to clump around him. "All right. You all know the rules. Stay--"

"In groups of 4 or more," the students finished in bored unison.

"Meet back here--"

"At 5:30 for dinner."

John grinned. "And don't forget?"

"Our worksheets."

"Can we go now?" one girl asked, checking her watch. John nodded. The students grabbed their worksheets and shot off in all directions. John waved his phone at Peter and Emma, letting them know he had it if they needed him, and made his way for Ober Gatlinburg. He sang "A Boy Named Sue" beneath his breath as the aerial tram carried him closer to the amusement park.

Ober had changed, but not too much. Most importantly, they still had their ice rink. John paid for his skates and started circling the ice. Few people were skating and so he could go as fast as he liked. The cold air burned his face and for a few moments he felt like he was flying. As the ice filled up, John slowed. Some of his students had formed a chain and were twisting around the other skaters like obstacles on a course. John rolled his eyes and began to skate toward them, when someone crashed against him. He slid backwards, barely keeping his balance.

He reached down to help the woman up. "Are you all right?" he asked. She froze, still holding his hand, and glanced up.

"Elizabeth?"

Elizabeth sighed. "John."

John pulled Elizabeth toward the rink door, afraid that if he let go, she'd run off again. "Come on," he said, not looking back at her. "Coffee."

They bought their drinks and stood at the edge of the rink, watching the skaters below. John had too many questions; he did not know where to start.

"Where have you been?" he asked.

Elizabeth shrugged and blew on her coffee. "Here and there," she said. "No where in particular."

"We've missed you," John said after a long pause.

Elizabeth just looked down at her coffee and did not respond. John watched the rink. His students had run into another skater and fallen down. He shook his head and turned to comment to Elizabeth, but she was gone.

To: Rodney McKay [romckay@eureka.gov]
From: John Sheppard [jshep@newheights.edu]
Subj: Elizabeth

I saw her today, Rodney. I actually saw her. We got coffee and drank it together just as if nothing had happened. She barely talked. I have no idea what is wrong with her. I don't know where she's been or what she's been doing. She snuck away while I was distracted. I'm sure she's staying somewhere here in Gatlinburg, but I don't know where.

I don't suppose you have some cool, cutting-edge finding-people thing. I could use it right now.

Knight to f6. By the way, no fair using Radek. I know you didn't come up with that last move on your own.

"I'm telling you-- I saw Mr. Sheppard with a girl." John paused and waited to hear more of the conversation before he turned the corner.

"Do you think--" someone else began and a third quickly scoffed.

"No way. Shep's as asexual as they come." John smirked at that, amused how he'd gone from being Kirk to being completely asexual over the course of a few years.

"Enough gossip," he said, turning down the hall. All six students' eyes widened and he could see them wondering just how much he'd heard. John grinned. "Have you gotten any of the worksheets down yet?"

"Yeah, we finished Bryson's," one girl said. Another girl, her best friend, nodded.

"His was easy. We got it all done in one place."

"Really? Where?"

"There's this museum; everything you need to know is there."

"You can show him tomorrow," John interrupted. "Now get to your rooms. Lights out in an hour."

After all the students were secured in their rooms, John wandered down to the hotel lounge. Peter and Emma were setting up a game of cards.

"Rumor says you've got yourself a girlfriend," Emma teased, dealing him in. John leaned back in his seat and glanced over his cards.

"You know how kids are," he said. "Talk to an old friend for half an hour and suddenly you're engaged."

Peter laughed. "You remember that incident with Naomi?"

They traded stories and played cards until midnight when Emma began to yawn and decided she needed to sleep if she was still going to take interested students on a morning run through the mountains. They finished their game, checked the tape on all the rooms, and went to bed.

To: Rodney McKay [romckay@eureka.gov]
From: John Sheppard [jshep@newheights.edu]
Subj: RE: Elizabeth

If I knew that, I wouldn't be asking you, now would I? I'll try the ice rink again.

And stop acting like you don't care. I know you better than that. Elizabeth didn't abandon us. She-- well, I don't know what she's doing. That's why I need to see her again. You can't tell me that you wouldn't keep looking if-- Anyway.

I'll figure out my move next email. As for your invitation, I don't know. Maybe this summer. Tell Radek he can stop hassling me as well. I can't very well visit mid-semester.

John waited at the ice rink all day, but Elizabeth never showed. When the sun started to set, he wrote out his contact information on the back of an extra worksheet and walked over to the skate rental counter.

"Hey, I bumped into a woman here the other day-- long, red scarf, dark hair--"

"Ms. Weir?"

John blinked. "Yes. Do you think you could give this to her for me?" He slid the folded worksheet toward the girl.

The girl frowned. "Why?"

"We were friends once," John said. "I'd like to... again."

The girl slipped the worksheet into her jean pocket. "Sure," she said. "I can't promise she'll read it though."

John nodded. "Understood. Thanks." And he left.

Later that night, back on the bus, John listened to his iPod and glanced over his worksheets. Emma was reading an academic journal by flashlight and some students were playing what looked to be Mafia in the back of the bus. Everyone else seemed to be asleep. He was starting to nod off himself when his phone vibrated in his pocket, waking him. He pulled out one earbud and answered his phone.

"Hello?"

"Hello, John."

John opened his mouth to respond, but had no idea what to say. He had not expected for Elizabeth to get his message so soon.

"John?" She sounded concerned now.

John shook his head slightly to clear it and pressed his iPod off. "Hey, Elizabeth," he said. "So I guess you got my note?"

To: Rodney McKay [romckay@eureka.gov]
From: John Sheppard [jshep@newheights.edu]
Subj: RE: RE: Elizabeth

She called me. She actually-- I don't know why she decided this time, but anyway, what is this huge explosion Radek's been telling me about? Really, Rodney, an entire barn? What were you working with?

I'm beginning to think it'd be safer for me to stay here.

Queen to d5

John waited for Elizabeth at one of the corner tables in Starbucks. It was late in the evening and most of the college students had already returned to their apartments and dorms to sleep or get ready for parties. John just graded papers, always keeping one eye on the door. Elizabeth had promised she was coming, but he still feared she'd disappear again. He had missed her ever since she first quit, but he hadn't really understood how much until she'd nearly knocked him over.

Cold air rifled John's papers as the shop's door opened. Elizabeth did not see him at first and John did not call her attention. He just wanted a moment to really see her. She was wearing that long, red scarf again and matching gloves. She was rubbing her hands together slowly as she skimmed the tables. He thought of her standing in the 'gate room, twisting her hands as she waited for yet another late team. Then she noticed him and she smiled.

"I got you coffee," John said, when she walked over. "But it got cold."

Elizabeth draped her coat over the back of a chair. "Traffic was horrible," she said and John nodded like he believed her. "So, shall we get something?"

"I just refilled my cup," John said, tapping his lid. "But you go ahead. I'll just finish up this sheet." While Elizabeth bought her drink, John tried to push back all the memories she had pulled forward. He'd managed to disconnect Rodney, Carson, and all the others he talked with regularly from his memories of Atlantis, but he had no such filters with Elizabeth. Even the way she had smiled had reminded him of Atlantis. He had tried so hard to forget, to push all that away. After the bomb had destroyed Atlantis, John had been unable to continue working long for the program. He tired of always going through the 'gate, but never going home. So he'd quit and made himself forget.

Elizabeth returned to the table. "Chai," she said as she sat down. "Sometimes if they make it right, it tastes like that brew Teyla once traded for."

"I remember," John said. Teyla had hated the tea after she made it and had given all the leaves to Kate. John had heard she'd tried to get the tea back after she'd realized just how popular and valuable it had become.

"Do you also remember that night when we teased about secession and establishing Atlantis as an independent state?"

John leaned back in his chair and smiled. "As I recall, that was my idea. You were strongly opposed."

The side of Elizabeth's mouth lifted a bit and she sighed. "I wish we'd done it."

"We'd still be stranded. We'd just be stuck with the Wraith, rather than stuck here."

Elizabeth's gaze flickered upward. "We are stuck," she agreed.

John pushed onward, suddenly inspired. "What I don't understand is why we have to all be stuck alone." Elizabeth's eye widened and he could tell she was thinking. Before she could say a word, he continued. "Elizabeth, I've missed Atlantis every day. That was home. But I've also missed you. More than I knew."

Elizabeth closed her eyes. "John, I can't-- I--" She deflated. "I've missed you, too," she admitted into her cup of chai. "But, I didn't want to forget."

"We won't," John promised. "But that doesn't mean we can't try being stuck here together for a while, does it?" He reached out and tentatively took her hand.

Elizabeth smiled and squeezed his hand. "No, I suppose it does not."

To: Rodney McKay [romckay@eureka.gov]
From: John Sheppard [jshep@newheights.edu]
Subj: Visiting

Hey, Rodney, I need you to prep your spare bedroom and finagle for some more security clearances.

Spring break is coming up and so Elizabeth and I thought we might finally see what you and Radek have been up to. I like being with her, Rodney. My students were shocked the first time she visited me at school and they're still in awe of the fact that I'm actually capable of a relationship. Elizabeth had one student go up to her and thank her for 'melting Mr. Sheppard's lonely heart.' She didn't stop teasing me about that for at least a week.

I'll call you when the break is closer; and, by the way? You really should pay closer attention. Pawn g2 to g1. Queen.

And when my spirit wants no stimulus or nourishment save music, I know
it is to be sought in the cemeteries: the musicians hide in the tombs;
from grave to grave flute trills, harp chords answer one another.

True, also in Hypatia the day will come when my only desire will be to
leave. I know I must not go down to the harbor then, but climb the
citadel's highest pinnacle and wait for a ship to go by up there. But
will it ever go by? There is no language without deceit.

pairing: sheppard/weir, genre: het

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