Sunday, February 3rd, afternoon
[PRIVATE]
Life has been good to me these past few days. I've been having fun, the way I used to have fun before... things went down. I'm slowly starting to feel like my old self again and I only now realise how much I missed it.
I'm a married man now, and I know what that means and I'm taking my vows seriously, but that doesn't mean I can't have fun, right? I didn't put my signature under a declaration to become a hermit.
Nishikido Ryo is not and will never be a hermit.
When I came back to school last month I felt... suffocated, I guess. Lost, a little unsure of how school life was going to be after such a drastic change in my life. But now I think that life doesn't have to change at all. I've given him all the proof he could ever ask for that I'm really serious about this relationship, right? I married him and marriage is forever, right? So surely it's not too much to ask that he trust me when I'm out doing my own thing. He's out doing his own thing almost every single day and I don't question his motives.
Well, except for when he hangs out with Jin, I suppose... he doesn't have to say anything, I know he still has feelings for the guy. I can't even blame him, in a way I suppose we both like him too much. But I trust Jin when he says there's nothing there and I should stop worrying about it. It's Jin, I refuse to believe he'd lie to me. I'm not sure if he even can, I know I can't...
I should tell him about Greece. Fuck. Why is it so hard. I told Kazuya though it was hard, I told Tomo though it was even harder, I can tell pretty much everyone but I'm terrified of telling Jin. He'll get mad, I know he will. Fuck. Totsuka-kun is right, though, it's no use waiting, it won't get any easier.
Fuck.
Anyway. These few days alone are helping me clear my thoughts. I miss Tomo but after having seen him every single day for quite a while now, after having lived in the same room with him since the day we got together... spending some time apart is making me remember me. The me that somehow got buried deep inside. I'm letting him out again, that me. I feel good. I'm happy.
[/PRIVATE]
[FILTERED TO: JIN]
Akanishi, can we talk soon? Seriously? There's something I want to tell you.
[/FILTER]
[FILTERED TO: NINO]
Yo! I got my acceptance letter from the Alpine Centre. I just need to keep my grades as they are now and improve on my English (they want a fucking A, those bastards) but if I manage to do all that, they'll have me as a foreign student this September. Want to go and celebrate soon? Take Ohno-kun if you want.
[/FILTER]
[FILTERED TO: MIKE]
I want to tell you something. It's good. Or... it is for me. And possibly for you during the holidays, if you have any money to spend. Want to hear it?
[/FILTER]
[FILTERED TO: TEGOSHI]
Remember. Next week. Zoo. ♥
[/FILTER]
[FILTERED TO: MASSU]
Oi, you annoying twit. Why don't I hear from you. Stop moping about Hiroki, you need to cut my hair.
[/FILTER]
I should probably get serious about finding a partner for that child care thing before Tsuyoshi-sensei pairs me up with some idiot.
And where the hell is our coach? Don't tell me I have to go down to the nurse's office to remind him we still exist. I'm terrified of what I'll find there.