This space intentionally left blank
Work: This week sucked.
They let my boss go with no warning. It was a just over a year ago (late March 2018) that they let the majority of my team go with no warning. A month after that, a guy who was peripherally related to the team. A couple weeks ago, they let another peripherally related person go. I am the last one on the island, and I'll tell you, it is not where I wanted to be.
They say they have no plans to let me go and that I am integral part of the team, yadda, yadda... pardon the fuck out of me if I am not convinced. Every person working at my company is utterly and completely replaceable at any moment, regardless of how important they may be to whatever business function they are in.
They went as far as to say they were looking at regrading my role to make it more fair (translation: they acknowledge that I get paid less than half of most the people I work with - no surprise since a fair chunk of them have BAs, MAs or more, which I do NOT have - and they are considering a raise to keep me and so I don't up and quit and leave them really fucked, since I am literally the only person in the company now with a shit ton of historical knowledge about the program we've been running for the last 7 years)
I was pretty much a basket case on Tuesday when they told me. Last year when they canned most my team, I was just furious and resentful and a bit scared, but I wasn't SAD. I wasn't DISTRAUGHT. This felt like someone died. Seriously, it was almost that bad, crying and nausea and migraine level headache. WTF man. He was just my boss, not even my favourite boss.
But, upon reflection, I realize it was less about him and more about me and my uncertainty about my future and my fear of losing my job and the added isolation of not knowing anyone on my team. I mean, my new boss? He's been with the Company since July. He seems really nice and I like him, but he knows very little about our program. I spent hours on the phone with him every day for the rest of the week trying to bring him up to speed on things, and OMG there are so many things my boss did that I have NO IDEA how to do...
This here is whatcha call a massive clusterfuck in the eye of the shitstorm.
School: Grades came in - yay!
Got my final grades back for IT Project Management! Got 85% on the midterm, 90% on the final and 92% on the term project. Overall course mark, 90%. Overall GPA for my program, 89%. It was the SQL course that almost killed me and brought my GPA down, or it would be closer to 95%.
I was waiting till I knew the dates for my summer business trip to pick my next course. Good thing, since two of the courses I wanted to to take would have been on days I was out of town. Toray I registered for Web Graphics, one of the required courses for my program - only one more required and the rest are electives. I am anticipating it will be a relatively easy mark. Not a slam dunk, but it's not JS or SQL either. I need a low key course right now.
Writing: Words, words, words...
You know what's really cool? When people leave feedback on old things I wrote that I don't even think about any more. It's like this warm fuzzy of OMG, people are still reading that stuff?! EEEE! They liked it! EEEE! Pure dopamine high, that. The very best of drugs.
I posted another chapter of the HP/SGA Xover. One day, I will finish this story, I vow it! Slowly but surely, we are getting there.
Waaaaaaay back when I first started writing the HP/SGA Xover story,
adafrog and
alisanne made some comments in my journal that inspired me. I wrote a scene between Dumbledore and Lily and it was incorporated into the chapter I posted today.
So ladies, this snippet from chapter 15 is dedicated to both of you - thanks for the inspiration!
"No, Albus!" Lily said, glaring at the man standing before her. "We have already told you repeatedly, we are not bringing Harry back to England."
Despite having informed the Order that they would not be returning, Dumbledore had continued to urge them to reconsider. Lily had eventually blocked the floo against intercontinental calls. She should have known that his next step would be an international portkey. She suspected he had even deliberately timed it so that James would not be present - as if James would be the more difficult of them to convince. The old wizard didn't clearly didn't know her at all if that was what he thought.
"But he will not be safe, Lily," Dumbledore warned. "Not even in the Lost City."
Lily stared up at Dumbledore's earnest expression and forced herself to remain composed. "I think Harry's a damn sight safer there than here right now. We're his parents and it's our decision to make. He is staying there. I will not bring him back just to drag him to London, disrupt his life and place him in danger. It's madness!"
"You must, Lily," he said, regret colouring his voice. "I am so sorry it has come to this. I dearly hoped that Harry would be spared this, that Tom would never again rise to power, but he has." Dumbledore sighed. "Harry is the only one who can defeat him."
"How?" she demanded, furious and terrified by turns. "How on earth could Harry possibly begin to fight him? That, that monster stole my son's ability to use magic when he was just a baby! And now, because of the rantings of some sherry addled old seer, you want my son to stand as champion against him? It would be a slaughter! You would be sending Harry to certain death! What, exactly, is your grand plan to prepare my son to defeat Him?"
She was breathing heavily, waiting for Dumbledore to tell her how they would prepare and protect Harry, what secret weapon or spell or training they had in store to enable him to defeat Voldemort. She waited for him to proclaim that they would do everything to keep Harry safe and unveil his cunning Gryffindor strategy.
"Albus?" she asked, voice shaky as she look up at him, waiting and hoping, but as the seconds dragged on, the expected promises were not forthcoming. He looked back at her with utter patience and infinite sorrow and a cold tendril of dread twisted in her belly.
"Oh, no," she breathed, stumbling back from him, blood pounding in her ears. "No, no, no, no…"
"Lily, there is no other way."
"NO!" She lunged at him, hands outstretched to slap him, punch him, scratch his eyes out, she wasn't even sure, she just needed to hurt him with all the rage that was bubbling up from the bottom of her soul. Suddenly she was caught, his hands wrapped around her wrists, holding her back from striking him. "You can't have him! I didn't keep him safe all these years just so YOU could come in and drag him off to fight a foe he can't possibly defeat just to fulfill some ridiculous prophecy!"
"My dear girl, please listen -"
"I am NOT YOUR DEAR GIRL!" she screamed, fighting with all her strength, and finally managing to get one arm free. She lashed out at him, her fingernails leaving bright red furrows across his face before he recaptured her wrist.
"He's a horcrux, Lily.
The moment hung between them, stretching out as time seemed to stop and the universe spun around them. The quiet statement hit her like a bludger and she felt her heart shatter. "No, no he's not," she whispered, shaking her head. "He can't be. You're lying, it can't be true!"
"I wish it weren't," he replied, his voice regretful, but filled with implacable conviction. Lily stared at him, watched the blood oozing from the gouges, dripping down into his beard. "But it is. You know it's true."
With a sick sense of clarity, it all snapped into place - the headaches, the nightmares, the incessant visions - it was the only thing that could really explain the connection between Voldemort and Harry all these years. Lily wavered, knees going weak and Dumbledore gently ushered her over to the sofa, where she sank down.
"Not my Harry," she repeated numbly, clutching a throw pillow to her chest.
Dumbledore settled beside her. "You knew we'd destroyed four of them, but we recently located a fifth at Hogwarts in the Ravenclaw diadem." He held a hand out in front of him, and for the first time, she noticed a blackness spreading almost to the tips of his fingers, over the back of his hand and up his wrist. "Severus has been an invaluable help in all of this. If not for his potions, I would be dead already from a curse on one of them. With his help, I should be able to see this through to the end."
She looked away. Her heart still missed her first and oldest wizarding friend, but his choices had forever broken it.
"We believe the sixth horcrux must be something he keeps close, but we have yet to determine what it is." His expression grew graver still. "When you told me about Harry's dreams these last few years, I began to suspect it and consulted with Firenze. Between the dreams and other portents, I'm afraid the evidence is overwhelming that a seventh horcrux was created when Harry's heart stopped." He paused a moment gathering his thoughts. "The soul shard would have died, but the Healers saved Harry -"
"- and the horcrux with him," Lily whispered, staring at him.
"Yes," he agreed. "We will never be able to kill Tom unless every horcrux is destroyed. And it must be Tom who destroys the one in Harry."
"No!" she yelled, leaping off the sofa and whirling to face him. "Find another way! Lock him up! Chop him into pieces!" She crossed her arms and began to pace the length of the room. "You have the entire department of magic at your disposal! You have the Unspeakables! You've literally had years to come up with something to try and fight him, and your final answer-" She stopped short, turning the entire power of her fury on him. "Your only solution is that my son has to die?"
"If only there was some other way, believe me, my dearest desire would be to spare Harry. But He has grown too powerful to contain in any prison or any cell. His body can be regenerated again if we destroy it." Dumbledore sighed with regret. "Lily, he has only begun with England, but it will never be enough for him. Already he seeks to conquer the rest of the wizarding world, and then move on to the muggle one. Already hundreds of good magical folk and innocent muggles have died at the hands of his Death Eaters. If we don't stop him by destroying every horcrux, the entire world will burn."
She stared back at him, eyes red but dry. "Then it burns, and I'll burn with it. But I'm not giving you my son."
CRAFTY THINGS: Bookbinding is my current crafting obsession
I have made about 9 bound books so far. I've done kettle stitch, saddle stitch, coptic stitch, Japanese and case binding - I like the ones that show off the stitches with a pretty, brightly coloured embroidery floss, but I also like the neatness of a covered binding. I discovered that rabbit hole of Sea Lemon's book binding tutorials on YouTube. Well, if I'm going to waste money on something, at least it's something I can give people and they will find useful.
I'm working on a set of Hogwarts House Notebooks right now. I'm going to try making some in other fandoms too - a Star Wars Rebellion one for my daughter is at the top of the list.
If I have time AND
homemade2homemade has another round, I think I will sign up again with the offering of journal/notebook/sketchbook with a cover in fandom/colour/theme of choice.
This entry was originally posted at https://shaddyr.dreamwidth.org/433490.html. Please comment wherever you want.
They let my boss go with no warning. It was a just over a year ago (late March 2018) that they let the majority of my team go with no warning. A month after that, a guy who was peripherally related to the team. A couple weeks ago, they let another peripherally related person go. I am the last one on the island, and I'll tell you, it is not where I wanted to be.
They say they have no plans to let me go and that I am integral part of the team, yadda, yadda... pardon the fuck out of me if I am not convinced. Every person working at my company is utterly and completely replaceable at any moment, regardless of how important they may be to whatever business function they are in.
They went as far as to say they were looking at regrading my role to make it more fair (translation: they acknowledge that I get paid less than half of most the people I work with - no surprise since a fair chunk of them have BAs, MAs or more, which I do NOT have - and they are considering a raise to keep me and so I don't up and quit and leave them really fucked, since I am literally the only person in the company now with a shit ton of historical knowledge about the program we've been running for the last 7 years)
I was pretty much a basket case on Tuesday when they told me. Last year when they canned most my team, I was just furious and resentful and a bit scared, but I wasn't SAD. I wasn't DISTRAUGHT. This felt like someone died. Seriously, it was almost that bad, crying and nausea and migraine level headache. WTF man. He was just my boss, not even my favourite boss.
But, upon reflection, I realize it was less about him and more about me and my uncertainty about my future and my fear of losing my job and the added isolation of not knowing anyone on my team. I mean, my new boss? He's been with the Company since July. He seems really nice and I like him, but he knows very little about our program. I spent hours on the phone with him every day for the rest of the week trying to bring him up to speed on things, and OMG there are so many things my boss did that I have NO IDEA how to do...
This here is whatcha call a massive clusterfuck in the eye of the shitstorm.
School: Grades came in - yay!
Got my final grades back for IT Project Management! Got 85% on the midterm, 90% on the final and 92% on the term project. Overall course mark, 90%. Overall GPA for my program, 89%. It was the SQL course that almost killed me and brought my GPA down, or it would be closer to 95%.
I was waiting till I knew the dates for my summer business trip to pick my next course. Good thing, since two of the courses I wanted to to take would have been on days I was out of town. Toray I registered for Web Graphics, one of the required courses for my program - only one more required and the rest are electives. I am anticipating it will be a relatively easy mark. Not a slam dunk, but it's not JS or SQL either. I need a low key course right now.
Writing: Words, words, words...
You know what's really cool? When people leave feedback on old things I wrote that I don't even think about any more. It's like this warm fuzzy of OMG, people are still reading that stuff?! EEEE! They liked it! EEEE! Pure dopamine high, that. The very best of drugs.
I posted another chapter of the HP/SGA Xover. One day, I will finish this story, I vow it! Slowly but surely, we are getting there.
Waaaaaaay back when I first started writing the HP/SGA Xover story,
adafrog and
alisanne made some comments in my journal that inspired me. I wrote a scene between Dumbledore and Lily and it was incorporated into the chapter I posted today.
So ladies, this snippet from chapter 15 is dedicated to both of you - thanks for the inspiration!
"No, Albus!" Lily said, glaring at the man standing before her. "We have already told you repeatedly, we are not bringing Harry back to England."
Despite having informed the Order that they would not be returning, Dumbledore had continued to urge them to reconsider. Lily had eventually blocked the floo against intercontinental calls. She should have known that his next step would be an international portkey. She suspected he had even deliberately timed it so that James would not be present - as if James would be the more difficult of them to convince. The old wizard didn't clearly didn't know her at all if that was what he thought.
"But he will not be safe, Lily," Dumbledore warned. "Not even in the Lost City."
Lily stared up at Dumbledore's earnest expression and forced herself to remain composed. "I think Harry's a damn sight safer there than here right now. We're his parents and it's our decision to make. He is staying there. I will not bring him back just to drag him to London, disrupt his life and place him in danger. It's madness!"
"You must, Lily," he said, regret colouring his voice. "I am so sorry it has come to this. I dearly hoped that Harry would be spared this, that Tom would never again rise to power, but he has." Dumbledore sighed. "Harry is the only one who can defeat him."
"How?" she demanded, furious and terrified by turns. "How on earth could Harry possibly begin to fight him? That, that monster stole my son's ability to use magic when he was just a baby! And now, because of the rantings of some sherry addled old seer, you want my son to stand as champion against him? It would be a slaughter! You would be sending Harry to certain death! What, exactly, is your grand plan to prepare my son to defeat Him?"
She was breathing heavily, waiting for Dumbledore to tell her how they would prepare and protect Harry, what secret weapon or spell or training they had in store to enable him to defeat Voldemort. She waited for him to proclaim that they would do everything to keep Harry safe and unveil his cunning Gryffindor strategy.
"Albus?" she asked, voice shaky as she look up at him, waiting and hoping, but as the seconds dragged on, the expected promises were not forthcoming. He looked back at her with utter patience and infinite sorrow and a cold tendril of dread twisted in her belly.
"Oh, no," she breathed, stumbling back from him, blood pounding in her ears. "No, no, no, no…"
"Lily, there is no other way."
"NO!" She lunged at him, hands outstretched to slap him, punch him, scratch his eyes out, she wasn't even sure, she just needed to hurt him with all the rage that was bubbling up from the bottom of her soul. Suddenly she was caught, his hands wrapped around her wrists, holding her back from striking him. "You can't have him! I didn't keep him safe all these years just so YOU could come in and drag him off to fight a foe he can't possibly defeat just to fulfill some ridiculous prophecy!"
"My dear girl, please listen -"
"I am NOT YOUR DEAR GIRL!" she screamed, fighting with all her strength, and finally managing to get one arm free. She lashed out at him, her fingernails leaving bright red furrows across his face before he recaptured her wrist.
"He's a horcrux, Lily.
The moment hung between them, stretching out as time seemed to stop and the universe spun around them. The quiet statement hit her like a bludger and she felt her heart shatter. "No, no he's not," she whispered, shaking her head. "He can't be. You're lying, it can't be true!"
"I wish it weren't," he replied, his voice regretful, but filled with implacable conviction. Lily stared at him, watched the blood oozing from the gouges, dripping down into his beard. "But it is. You know it's true."
With a sick sense of clarity, it all snapped into place - the headaches, the nightmares, the incessant visions - it was the only thing that could really explain the connection between Voldemort and Harry all these years. Lily wavered, knees going weak and Dumbledore gently ushered her over to the sofa, where she sank down.
"Not my Harry," she repeated numbly, clutching a throw pillow to her chest.
Dumbledore settled beside her. "You knew we'd destroyed four of them, but we recently located a fifth at Hogwarts in the Ravenclaw diadem." He held a hand out in front of him, and for the first time, she noticed a blackness spreading almost to the tips of his fingers, over the back of his hand and up his wrist. "Severus has been an invaluable help in all of this. If not for his potions, I would be dead already from a curse on one of them. With his help, I should be able to see this through to the end."
She looked away. Her heart still missed her first and oldest wizarding friend, but his choices had forever broken it.
"We believe the sixth horcrux must be something he keeps close, but we have yet to determine what it is." His expression grew graver still. "When you told me about Harry's dreams these last few years, I began to suspect it and consulted with Firenze. Between the dreams and other portents, I'm afraid the evidence is overwhelming that a seventh horcrux was created when Harry's heart stopped." He paused a moment gathering his thoughts. "The soul shard would have died, but the Healers saved Harry -"
"- and the horcrux with him," Lily whispered, staring at him.
"Yes," he agreed. "We will never be able to kill Tom unless every horcrux is destroyed. And it must be Tom who destroys the one in Harry."
"No!" she yelled, leaping off the sofa and whirling to face him. "Find another way! Lock him up! Chop him into pieces!" She crossed her arms and began to pace the length of the room. "You have the entire department of magic at your disposal! You have the Unspeakables! You've literally had years to come up with something to try and fight him, and your final answer-" She stopped short, turning the entire power of her fury on him. "Your only solution is that my son has to die?"
"If only there was some other way, believe me, my dearest desire would be to spare Harry. But He has grown too powerful to contain in any prison or any cell. His body can be regenerated again if we destroy it." Dumbledore sighed with regret. "Lily, he has only begun with England, but it will never be enough for him. Already he seeks to conquer the rest of the wizarding world, and then move on to the muggle one. Already hundreds of good magical folk and innocent muggles have died at the hands of his Death Eaters. If we don't stop him by destroying every horcrux, the entire world will burn."
She stared back at him, eyes red but dry. "Then it burns, and I'll burn with it. But I'm not giving you my son."
CRAFTY THINGS: Bookbinding is my current crafting obsession
I have made about 9 bound books so far. I've done kettle stitch, saddle stitch, coptic stitch, Japanese and case binding - I like the ones that show off the stitches with a pretty, brightly coloured embroidery floss, but I also like the neatness of a covered binding. I discovered that rabbit hole of Sea Lemon's book binding tutorials on YouTube. Well, if I'm going to waste money on something, at least it's something I can give people and they will find useful.
I'm working on a set of Hogwarts House Notebooks right now. I'm going to try making some in other fandoms too - a Star Wars Rebellion one for my daughter is at the top of the list.
If I have time AND
homemade2homemade has another round, I think I will sign up again with the offering of journal/notebook/sketchbook with a cover in fandom/colour/theme of choice.
This entry was originally posted at https://shaddyr.dreamwidth.org/433490.html. Please comment wherever you want.