Emotional turmoil
Well here I am still, been going to a myriad of events, and setting up multiple projects. Most of which have been designed to distract me from my recent bout of loneliness.
However I am finding that no matter how busy I make myself, I end up just being busy and lonely. I am still trying to find out what purpose this has served me (going by the everything that happens is for a reason) however I am still finding very little positive. In fact, the little positive I have made in addressing my feelings, I am sure I could make just as much if I had someone to share my affection with. Yes I like having lots of friends and that people enjoy my company, but there’s a point where you start thinking “Is there something wrong with the way I look or act?” I just can’t figure out why it seems all the women I find attractive and want to share affection with, only want to share friendship. I feel so frustrated and annoyed at myself, I see all of these wonderful friends with full and what appear to be amazing love lives. I want to just be happy for them, but I end up just envying their connections and affection they share with there partner. Does this make me a bad friend for feeling this way? I’m making great strides in socializing, and being open with myself and my feelings. But in doing so, I have opened a great deal of hurt that I'm not used to dealing with. I have some more social plans this week, and I am hoping to meet someone who may be interested in sharing affection and physical contact with me. If any of you out in LJ land have some extra good energy to send my way, I would appreciate that greatly. I just need a cuddle puddle soon to share all this affection with others.
However I am finding that no matter how busy I make myself, I end up just being busy and lonely. I am still trying to find out what purpose this has served me (going by the everything that happens is for a reason) however I am still finding very little positive. In fact, the little positive I have made in addressing my feelings, I am sure I could make just as much if I had someone to share my affection with. Yes I like having lots of friends and that people enjoy my company, but there’s a point where you start thinking “Is there something wrong with the way I look or act?” I just can’t figure out why it seems all the women I find attractive and want to share affection with, only want to share friendship. I feel so frustrated and annoyed at myself, I see all of these wonderful friends with full and what appear to be amazing love lives. I want to just be happy for them, but I end up just envying their connections and affection they share with there partner. Does this make me a bad friend for feeling this way? I’m making great strides in socializing, and being open with myself and my feelings. But in doing so, I have opened a great deal of hurt that I'm not used to dealing with. I have some more social plans this week, and I am hoping to meet someone who may be interested in sharing affection and physical contact with me. If any of you out in LJ land have some extra good energy to send my way, I would appreciate that greatly. I just need a cuddle puddle soon to share all this affection with others.