The Sanctity of Marriage
I'm sure I don't really have to point this out, but the following is a satire...
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Right now in California, it is possible for two people to get married despite the fact that it flies directly in the face of all the things that pure-blooded, real Americans should hold dear. People in this group cannot produce children. In addition, the thought of people in this group having sex is a reality that many Americans find repellent, and in fact, even the natural world points to the fact that sexual acts between people in this group was never intended by God. Based on the criteria that conservatives hold dear, I am making a call to arms for right-thinking Americans to draft a proposal for a constitutional amendment banning marriage within this social group.
The social group I refer to, of course, is Senior Citizens.
Marriage between two people who cannot produce children fails to contribute to society. In fact, it can be logically argued that it is not even appropriate for Senior Citizens to adopt children, as the child may face stigma from its peers, and the parents may not be healthy enough to raise a child to adulthood.
And speaking of health - Senior Citizens all have a wide variety of health problems. If two elderly people get married, is it fair for an employer to have to extend benefits to the spouse, when his employee willingly made a choice to marry someone with probable health issues? It is not fair, my friends. People talk about the rights of the elderly, but what about the rights of our employers? Is the rights of a small minority of Senior Citizens meant to trample the rights of our businesses?
Nature itself has decreed that sexual acts between two Senior Citizens is unnatural. God has given us the gift of menopause, as a way of telling us the appropriate age for which we are to engage in sexual behaviour. To continue to enjoy a sex life in old age, and to expect the government to condone and normalize it... well, that, my friends, is doing nothing less than trying to push an abomination upon mainstream culture.
Make no mistake. That's what this is - it's a culture war! Liberal Hollywood has been trying for years to push their 'Old People Agenda' on mainstream America. They make movies like 'Feast of Love' or 'Big Fish' which try to portray romance between elderly people as normal and healthy. Giving Senior Citizens the right to marry is just one more step in the Liberal Plot to try and get moral Americans to accept the revolting reality of old people having sex. We can accept this abomination no longer.
It's time we took a stand to protect the sanctity of marriage. If nature deems a sexual act as unintended, if the couple cannot produce children and if so many Americans are repelled by the act of these people fornicating, then I ask you - what do we have to gain by allowing these people to marry?
Protect the sanctity of marriage. Ban the marriage of senior citizens.
*******
Right now in California, it is possible for two people to get married despite the fact that it flies directly in the face of all the things that pure-blooded, real Americans should hold dear. People in this group cannot produce children. In addition, the thought of people in this group having sex is a reality that many Americans find repellent, and in fact, even the natural world points to the fact that sexual acts between people in this group was never intended by God. Based on the criteria that conservatives hold dear, I am making a call to arms for right-thinking Americans to draft a proposal for a constitutional amendment banning marriage within this social group.
The social group I refer to, of course, is Senior Citizens.
Marriage between two people who cannot produce children fails to contribute to society. In fact, it can be logically argued that it is not even appropriate for Senior Citizens to adopt children, as the child may face stigma from its peers, and the parents may not be healthy enough to raise a child to adulthood.
And speaking of health - Senior Citizens all have a wide variety of health problems. If two elderly people get married, is it fair for an employer to have to extend benefits to the spouse, when his employee willingly made a choice to marry someone with probable health issues? It is not fair, my friends. People talk about the rights of the elderly, but what about the rights of our employers? Is the rights of a small minority of Senior Citizens meant to trample the rights of our businesses?
Nature itself has decreed that sexual acts between two Senior Citizens is unnatural. God has given us the gift of menopause, as a way of telling us the appropriate age for which we are to engage in sexual behaviour. To continue to enjoy a sex life in old age, and to expect the government to condone and normalize it... well, that, my friends, is doing nothing less than trying to push an abomination upon mainstream culture.
Make no mistake. That's what this is - it's a culture war! Liberal Hollywood has been trying for years to push their 'Old People Agenda' on mainstream America. They make movies like 'Feast of Love' or 'Big Fish' which try to portray romance between elderly people as normal and healthy. Giving Senior Citizens the right to marry is just one more step in the Liberal Plot to try and get moral Americans to accept the revolting reality of old people having sex. We can accept this abomination no longer.
It's time we took a stand to protect the sanctity of marriage. If nature deems a sexual act as unintended, if the couple cannot produce children and if so many Americans are repelled by the act of these people fornicating, then I ask you - what do we have to gain by allowing these people to marry?
Protect the sanctity of marriage. Ban the marriage of senior citizens.