Forever & Always pt 2 Reposted
Beep! Beep! Beep!
Beep! Beep! Beep! Beeeeeeeep!
"Shut…the…fuck…up.” I was so tired. I strained to pull myself up to hit the alarm. My body trembled with the fatigue of something not yet remembered. Laying back down to rest my weary muscles, I heard a sleepy voice.
“Good morning, Sleeping Beauty…” Anthony murmured. I heard snippets from a conversation the night before. I saw tender images in mind’s eye.
“Yes. It is all true. Every word I said, everything.”
I saw my own appalled face as I searched for an appropriate thing to say.
“Your eyes are a deep, calm ocean. They calm me down, when I am in a bad mood, or when I am stressed out. They're what's been keeping me stable for 13 years, Ian."
“I love you, Ian, forever and always.”
“Can I kiss you, Ian?”
Ahaha. That was why I was in Anthony’s bed. I let him kiss me. Did I let him do more…? I sincerely hope not. I glanced under the covers to check for sure. Yeah. We were wearing pants. Thank goodness.
Anthony snaked his arms around my shoulders, pulling me closer to him. I felt no aversions, no weird feelings about cuddling with my best friend, my brother, my Anthony. When I didn’t yank away, he pressed his face into my hair, my skin, brushing elated kisses over the back of my head. It felt…nice. Better than a girl. A girl wants to be cuddled, not cuddle someone. . A guy likes to be adored too. It feels nice to be held, warmed, nuzzled, and kissed. I felt the warmth spreading down.
Shit. Not now. I didn’t need an erection now! I wanted to focus on this moment with Anthony. I felt him stiffen against my leg, but he seemed to be ignoring it, so, in attempt to save this moment, I did too.
He softly whispered, “We don’t have to do that now. Not until you are ready…”
I said nothing, instead lightly pressing more into him.
We stayed underneath the velvety warm covers until our phones exploded with calls and texts from the film crew wondering why we hadn’t shown up for our latest Smosh video.
“It’s time to get up and face the masses...I am going to go take a shower. You…get out of my bed. Go get dressed. Be sure to…calm yourself down…” he said with a chuckle, glancing down there, where my...problem had not sunken.
He left, and with the quiet click of the door, I felt my heart being ripped from my chest, and a tear fell off my eye onto the light blue sheets, staining it a darker blue.
I left the comforting warmth of Ant’s room, into the stuffy, stagnant warmth of mine. Pulling on some jeans and a FB 2011 shirt.
I put together a little questionnaire in my head, now that Ant wasn’t distracting me.
Did I love Anthony?
Yes. Without a doubt. Ant was my best friend, my brother.
Was I in love with Anthony?
…Yes. Even without him in front of me, I felt the crazy heat. I felt the stirring in my heart as his puppy-dog face looked at me in my mind.
Was I ready to move beyond the friend stage into…something more?
Yes. I knew it was destined. Ant and I were the same person. The same person in two bodies. I know it’s meant to be... In Ant’s bed, our bodies fit together like puzzle pieces, and I heard the clean snap, of them connecting.
Ant was waiting in the living room.
He strode over to me, kissed me once, and said, “Can you pretend you’re not in love with me for a few hours?”
“I highly doubt that, bitch. You're too sexy.” It sounded like I was joking, but he knew it was true.
He laughed, and we finally gave our phones a break, notifying our film crew.
Our video was working well… until Anthony and I stopped agreeing. On everything. Our video-filming stopped. Our film-crew grew agitated and left. We fought about everything. Where and what to eat. When to film, which show to film. Our perfect relationship was in shambles. It was so awful, we couldn't even talk without screaming. In the blink of an eye, six years of work, 13 years of friendship, was gone, and it was time to give up. the only time we even laid eyes on each other was when we passed by the other in the hall on the way to the kitchen or bathroom. Anthony stayed in his room, trying to get back with Kalel or something. I searched for days for the CD Anthony made for me. The one where he declared his feelings for me. It wasn’t in any of the computers in the study. I wanted to see it again, to remember what he said to me. I wanted to know Anthony did, if not still, love me.
But it was gone. I let it go, and realized that Smosh was over. Gone.
But Anthony never left. He never moved back in with Kalel. He stayed, to let me burn out my fumes.
One night after 2 weeks of silence. Every day was an eternity with no Anthony whispering dirty jokes in my ear, no improv videos.Little did I know, that night was going to end being the best night of my life. While I slammed dishes while half-assedly washing them,Anthony pretended not to watch me.
“Ian…”appearing behind me.
“What do you want, ass-hole?” I snapped, not turning.
“I want to tell you… no, I want to remind you of how much I love you.”
He produced a silver wrapped box from behind his back. Handing it to me, he said,
“Ian, I am so sorry, I don’t even remember why we are fighting, but I want my Ian back. When we started arguing, I was in a bad mood because freaking Kalel wouldn’t leave me alone, she kept calling and texting and wouldn’t leave me alone. I told her over and over to leave me alone, and she wouldn’t. That's what I've been doing. I am so sorry, I lied about trying to get her back, I am so sorry, and all I want is to hear you say you forgive me for my ass-holey ness. All I want is my Ian. I want Smosh back. I love you, Ian, even if you don’t forgive me, forever and always…”
I pulled the wrapping paper off, lifted the top off the box. I gasped.
“It... it’s our CD.” The one I had searched for. Anthony had taken it back, wrapped it for me, and made me a gift.
Forever and Always, Ian
Love, Anthony XOXOXO
He was still rambling apologetically.
I crossed the short distance and cut him off with the sweetest kiss we had ever shared.
His eyes danced, floating in elated tears.
“Anthony…I’m ready now.” I knew I was. I was ready to be Anthony’s Ian. I was ready to be his. Forever and Always…