Fic: The Game, Ladies and Gentlemen, Is
Title: The Game, Ladies and Gentlemen, Is
Author: ShadowLoverK
Fandom: Star Trek XI
Summary: Game night on the Enterprise. Complete crack.
Written for this prompt on the Star Trek XI kink meme. It really only fills the first part of the prompt, but as soon as I read it, this took over my brain.
=/\= C< =/\= C< =/\= C< =/\= C< =/\= C< =/\=
The Game, Ladies and Gentlmen, Is
"Fizzbin!" Kirk announced as he started to deal the cards.
McCoy nodded, collecting his cards in a tidy pile. "I'm always up for a good game of Fizzbin."
Chekov grinned, "It vas inwented in Russia, you know."
Sulu laughed, "Because only Russians would invent something this crazy."
"I don't know Sulu, it was the Scots who invented golf," Uhura said with a sly look towards Scotty who started to sputter the scotch he'd just sipped.
"Here now, young lady, thair's nae need to be insultin' a good game o' golf."
Spock raised an eyebrow, his own cards untouched on the table in front of him. "I am unfamiliar with this game. How is it played?"
Bones looked at him shock. "You're joking! You don't know how to play Fizzbin?"
"Negative, Doctor, as I have just stated."
"Don't worry, Spock, it's pretty simple, we'll do a rundown of the rules for you before we start, right everyone?" Kirk looked around the table, taking in all the nods of agreement. "All right, now every player gets six cards, except the player on the dealer's right, who gets seven."
Chekov cackled, picking up his seven cards possessively. "The red cards can help you, the black cards can hurt you."
"Except on Tuesdays and Saturdays," interjected McCoy, "when it's the other way around."
"But since this is Friday," continued Uhura, "that doesn't matter."
Scotty made sure to swallow his scotch this time before speaking. "If ye get a Fizzbin, ye win, but only durin' the day. If ye get one at night, ye lose a turn."
Sulu collected his own cards, "A Fizzbin is five cards of the same suit, except on months with the letter N, when it's two pairs of one-eyed Jacks."
Spock blinked, "Are there not only two of those in the deck."
Kirk nodded, "That's what makes it so hard to get. The odds are astronomical."
"Indeed, Captain, the odds are impossible." Everyone ignored this comment.
Uhura picked up a card from the top of the deck and added it to her hand. "If you pick a nine on your turn, you get a bonus. You can either draw another card or make an opponent draw one."
"Wouldn't that be beneficial to your opponent, not to yourself?"
"No, not at all, Spock," McCoy explained. "When you draw a card out of turn it's automatically considered a dark card, no matter what it is."
"Except if it's a Queen," added Sulu.
"Well, sure, except if it's a Queen, but it's never a Queen, is it, kid?"
"I do not understand, are not the cards already colored as black and red? Would this not make the black cards dark?"
"Na, laddie." They hadn't even started yet and Scotty was on his fourth glass of scotch, somehow having downed the second and third without anyone noticing. "Black and red are the colors, dark and light are the sides."
"I was under the impression that we were all playing for ourselves. Are we now forming teams?"
"Only if someone draws a seven and a deuce. Except on days ending in Y, when it's a four and a King," Kirk said helpfully.
Spock simply stared at his crewmates. "This is the most illogical game I have ever heard of."
"We're not done yet, Spock," Uhura said calmly. "We still need to go over what happens if you're facing East while holding a half-Fizzbin, which is three upside down cards and two rightside up ones."
They were all rather impressed with themselves for getting Spock to react in such a manner.
(The name and the first rule are courtesy of James T. Kirk, the rest I made up, also courtesy of Kirk.)
Author: ShadowLoverK
Fandom: Star Trek XI
Summary: Game night on the Enterprise. Complete crack.
Written for this prompt on the Star Trek XI kink meme. It really only fills the first part of the prompt, but as soon as I read it, this took over my brain.
=/\= C< =/\= C< =/\= C< =/\= C< =/\= C< =/\=
The Game, Ladies and Gentlmen, Is
"Fizzbin!" Kirk announced as he started to deal the cards.
McCoy nodded, collecting his cards in a tidy pile. "I'm always up for a good game of Fizzbin."
Chekov grinned, "It vas inwented in Russia, you know."
Sulu laughed, "Because only Russians would invent something this crazy."
"I don't know Sulu, it was the Scots who invented golf," Uhura said with a sly look towards Scotty who started to sputter the scotch he'd just sipped.
"Here now, young lady, thair's nae need to be insultin' a good game o' golf."
Spock raised an eyebrow, his own cards untouched on the table in front of him. "I am unfamiliar with this game. How is it played?"
Bones looked at him shock. "You're joking! You don't know how to play Fizzbin?"
"Negative, Doctor, as I have just stated."
"Don't worry, Spock, it's pretty simple, we'll do a rundown of the rules for you before we start, right everyone?" Kirk looked around the table, taking in all the nods of agreement. "All right, now every player gets six cards, except the player on the dealer's right, who gets seven."
Chekov cackled, picking up his seven cards possessively. "The red cards can help you, the black cards can hurt you."
"Except on Tuesdays and Saturdays," interjected McCoy, "when it's the other way around."
"But since this is Friday," continued Uhura, "that doesn't matter."
Scotty made sure to swallow his scotch this time before speaking. "If ye get a Fizzbin, ye win, but only durin' the day. If ye get one at night, ye lose a turn."
Sulu collected his own cards, "A Fizzbin is five cards of the same suit, except on months with the letter N, when it's two pairs of one-eyed Jacks."
Spock blinked, "Are there not only two of those in the deck."
Kirk nodded, "That's what makes it so hard to get. The odds are astronomical."
"Indeed, Captain, the odds are impossible." Everyone ignored this comment.
Uhura picked up a card from the top of the deck and added it to her hand. "If you pick a nine on your turn, you get a bonus. You can either draw another card or make an opponent draw one."
"Wouldn't that be beneficial to your opponent, not to yourself?"
"No, not at all, Spock," McCoy explained. "When you draw a card out of turn it's automatically considered a dark card, no matter what it is."
"Except if it's a Queen," added Sulu.
"Well, sure, except if it's a Queen, but it's never a Queen, is it, kid?"
"I do not understand, are not the cards already colored as black and red? Would this not make the black cards dark?"
"Na, laddie." They hadn't even started yet and Scotty was on his fourth glass of scotch, somehow having downed the second and third without anyone noticing. "Black and red are the colors, dark and light are the sides."
"I was under the impression that we were all playing for ourselves. Are we now forming teams?"
"Only if someone draws a seven and a deuce. Except on days ending in Y, when it's a four and a King," Kirk said helpfully.
Spock simply stared at his crewmates. "This is the most illogical game I have ever heard of."
"We're not done yet, Spock," Uhura said calmly. "We still need to go over what happens if you're facing East while holding a half-Fizzbin, which is three upside down cards and two rightside up ones."
They were all rather impressed with themselves for getting Spock to react in such a manner.
(The name and the first rule are courtesy of James T. Kirk, the rest I made up, also courtesy of Kirk.)