D: (Contains swearing) D:
I'll put it under a cut D:
Why does it seem this week is set to be a week where I'm depressed/upset for the most part of the days or some part of them.
I talked to my mom about the audition thing... D: Yea now you can figure out why I'm upset now.
I'm too lazy to just type everything out so I'll try and type what I remember of our conversations:
Me: *gets in the car after getting done with test and everything* Food, yes, please?
Mom: There is some at home.
Me: D8 Let's just go out and get something. Everyone at home is frozen..and there's nothing good.
Mom: No you're just lazy. D<
D8 Yea that didn't make me happy. Oh yea...you're laying around the fucking house ALL DAY for about A WEEK NOW and you make ME do all of your god damn shit for YOU...yea of course I'M lazy. I've got to drive you to your damn doctor's appointment. I could just tell you I don't feel like it can't I? OF COURSE NOT! If I say that you'll start on one of your fucking guilt trips about how no one fucking understands your god damn problems and how everyone is so mean to you and shit or doesn't do stuff for you.
DAMN YOU TO HELL D<
More conversations after about 10 minutes of silence:
Me: So...I was thinking about doing that audition thing James told me about....
Mom: *silent*
Me: .....
Mom: You just lost two of your grants.
Yea...that really shot me down fast... D8
Me: ...I know...
Mom: You don't have the time for the rest of it.
Me: The auditions are on a Saturday and Sunday and the finals are in June.
Mom: You don't have time for everything up until then.
Me: ....
Mom: You know I stand behind you with whatever you choose but right now you need to think about school. You need to get this degree or you're going to stay at the dead end job you're at now. You saw the payment for that loan too. It's not going to be easy to pay back and then on top of that you have to pay back the Stafford loans too.
Me: *stares out the window and sighs* I guess you're right...
I can't really remember what she said after that because I stopped listening. She was pretty much just repeating herself anyway I'm sure... D:
When we got home though I said something else and it just pissed her off:
Me: I'm just not going to do it. I don't see any point in trying anymore.
Mom: There will be other auditions. You're just mad because when you want to do something you can't do it.
Me: NO! That's not it! D< Things just keep coming up every time I want to audition! You always come up with new things every time there are auditions. Then after college I'm just going to have a job that'll take up most of my time so I won't be able to then. D< There is no point!
Mom: You're just mad.
Me: D< GAH! *goes to room*
Then of course she acts all nicey nice to me as if nothing happened.... D: She knows I fucking HATE that.
Right now I fucking hate her...YES DON'T SAY I SHOULDN'T BE SAYING THAT BECAUSE YOU ALL KNOW YOU SAY YOU HATE YOUR MOM OR PARENT OR SOMEONE AT TIMES TOO! D< So I don't want to hear that shit.
Guh... before this rant goes on too long I'm going to go to sleep until 12 so I can take that god damn banshee to her fucking doctor's appointment and then come home and do fucking school work. D<
Meru, Nata, Ami, Curry ~ I promise I'll do all of your arts. I'm not going to just forget about them...it's just...taking longer than I'd like...school work, work, drama....it just kills my art mood.
My eating thing also reminds me my stomach is growling...*sigh*...I'll get a sandwich or something....................again.... D:
Why does it seem this week is set to be a week where I'm depressed/upset for the most part of the days or some part of them.
I talked to my mom about the audition thing... D: Yea now you can figure out why I'm upset now.
I'm too lazy to just type everything out so I'll try and type what I remember of our conversations:
Me: *gets in the car after getting done with test and everything* Food, yes, please?
Mom: There is some at home.
Me: D8 Let's just go out and get something. Everyone at home is frozen..and there's nothing good.
Mom: No you're just lazy. D<
D8 Yea that didn't make me happy. Oh yea...you're laying around the fucking house ALL DAY for about A WEEK NOW and you make ME do all of your god damn shit for YOU...yea of course I'M lazy. I've got to drive you to your damn doctor's appointment. I could just tell you I don't feel like it can't I? OF COURSE NOT! If I say that you'll start on one of your fucking guilt trips about how no one fucking understands your god damn problems and how everyone is so mean to you and shit or doesn't do stuff for you.
DAMN YOU TO HELL D<
More conversations after about 10 minutes of silence:
Me: So...I was thinking about doing that audition thing James told me about....
Mom: *silent*
Me: .....
Mom: You just lost two of your grants.
Yea...that really shot me down fast... D8
Me: ...I know...
Mom: You don't have the time for the rest of it.
Me: The auditions are on a Saturday and Sunday and the finals are in June.
Mom: You don't have time for everything up until then.
Me: ....
Mom: You know I stand behind you with whatever you choose but right now you need to think about school. You need to get this degree or you're going to stay at the dead end job you're at now. You saw the payment for that loan too. It's not going to be easy to pay back and then on top of that you have to pay back the Stafford loans too.
Me: *stares out the window and sighs* I guess you're right...
I can't really remember what she said after that because I stopped listening. She was pretty much just repeating herself anyway I'm sure... D:
When we got home though I said something else and it just pissed her off:
Me: I'm just not going to do it. I don't see any point in trying anymore.
Mom: There will be other auditions. You're just mad because when you want to do something you can't do it.
Me: NO! That's not it! D< Things just keep coming up every time I want to audition! You always come up with new things every time there are auditions. Then after college I'm just going to have a job that'll take up most of my time so I won't be able to then. D< There is no point!
Mom: You're just mad.
Me: D< GAH! *goes to room*
Then of course she acts all nicey nice to me as if nothing happened.... D: She knows I fucking HATE that.
Right now I fucking hate her...YES DON'T SAY I SHOULDN'T BE SAYING THAT BECAUSE YOU ALL KNOW YOU SAY YOU HATE YOUR MOM OR PARENT OR SOMEONE AT TIMES TOO! D< So I don't want to hear that shit.
Guh... before this rant goes on too long I'm going to go to sleep until 12 so I can take that god damn banshee to her fucking doctor's appointment and then come home and do fucking school work. D<
Meru, Nata, Ami, Curry ~ I promise I'll do all of your arts. I'm not going to just forget about them...it's just...taking longer than I'd like...school work, work, drama....it just kills my art mood.
My eating thing also reminds me my stomach is growling...*sigh*...I'll get a sandwich or something....................again.... D: